


Water on Canvas

by VivicaRoadkill



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asian-Australian Character, Australia, Bipolar Disorder, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Bishounen, Blow Jobs, Body Modification, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Boys' Love, Bromance to Romance, Coming Out, Consent, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Depression, Drama & Romance, Emotional Growth, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotionally edging, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Flashbacks, Found Family, Friendship, Gay, Gay Sex, Gender-Non-Conforming, Harassment, Homosexuality, Japanese Character(s), Jealousy, LGBTQ Themes, Loving Parents, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Nonbinary Character, Open Relationships, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Pansexual Character, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Queer Character, Relationship Problems, Rivalry, Sassy, Seke, Sexual Harassment, Shounen-ai, Step-siblings, Swimming Boys, Tongue Piercings, Top/Bottom Versatile, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Yaoi, horny angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:01:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 172,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24187828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VivicaRoadkill/pseuds/VivicaRoadkill
Summary: When the eccentric Ichiro moves from Japan to Australia, his arrival immediately gets overshadowed by his stepsister Rayne's hostile attitude. Although he's overwhelmed by the situation, Ichiro manages to deal with it as he receives unexpected support from the sideline; his sister's best friend, Gabriel.Emotionally starved, he desperately latches onto the handsome competitive swimmer's tender loving care, and naively stumbles into a relationship, ignoring that they barely know each other.While Ichiro slowly realises that his rash and unfair decisions cause trouble in the aftermath, the bond with his friend Darius deepens — and with it starts a seemingly endless nightmare.Moving to Australia was supposed to be an escape but turns out to be nothing more than resting in the eye of a hurricane as Ichiro's devastating past eventually catches up to him. While he's forced to fight his demons, everyone around him gets tangled up in a spiral of dark occurrences, unexpected developments and ends up in a whirlwind of emotions that tears them apart.Which path does he have to take to finally free himself from the crushing chaos that reigns his life?
Relationships: Darius Nowak/Marlon Reid, Ichiro St James/Gabriel Montgomery
Comments: 96
Kudos: 60





	1. Bad Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> ☆☆☆  
> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> Strong language, depression, mental breakdown, coping with trauma, alcohol abuse, blackmail, harassment, bullying,  
> and also vaguely described flashbacks of child abuse (physically & mentally), rape/non-con (between adults), and a suicide attempt.  
> ☆☆☆
> 
> If you would like to see the drawings in their actual size and higher resolution, you can visit my profile at the bird app. @PolychromePixie is the name and the pinned post about Water on Canvas. :)
> 
> Name: Gabriel Montgomery 
> 
> Date of birth: July 13th (21 y/o)
> 
> Height: 1,93m 
> 
> Weight: 86kg
> 
> Competitive swimmer, Victorian Institute of Sport scholarship 
> 
> ☆☆☆
> 
> Name: Ichiro St. James
> 
> Date of birth: November 1st (21 - turns 22 at the start of the story)
> 
> Height: 1,70m 
> 
> Weight: 62kg
> 
> Former architecture student at UTokyo, barkeeper and ballet dancer, wants to become an art student at LCI Melbourne, models occasionally
> 
> [](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabeichiredrawao38djp7.jpg)  
> 

"It can't get any worse, right?" Ichiro whispered to himself while watching the bright sunlight glistening on the north pacific ocean. His strained smile and the upwelling tears reflected in the aeroplane window, mirroring the despair he still felt. Biting the inside of his cheek, he heaved a laboured breath, readjusted the noise-cancelling headphones to drown out the anxiety-causing background sounds and reached for his sketchbook.

It was a pretty one; dark-brown, leather-bound, with a cord wrapped around. A richly ornamented Tree of Life with a teal-coloured, semiprecious stone embedded in its trunk adorned the cover.

Teal was his favourite colour, his therapist knew that, and he also knew that the Tree of Life wouldn't be a mere, pretty adornment but have a deeper meaning.

He gave it to him, right after the incident back in summer, because he thought it would be good for Ichiro to go back to what he loved doing. And since ballet was out of the question, for now, drawing was the only thing left.

But he couldn't draw anymore, as there was nothing but a void in his mind. That one night in summer had changed everything drastically, turned Ichiro's life upside down and made him lose his focus, ambitions and his passion. The helplessness, he initially felt about it, quickly had turned into frustration. He seemed unable to find a way out of this grey and cold place that once was his vivid and vibrant mind — and without colours, a canvas stayed blank.

Clenching his teeth to bite back the tears once more, he fished a pen from his pocket, flipped open the book's leather cover and started writing in neat hiragana.  
  


_Oct. 31st, 2019_

_I got you to fill you with sketches, but the flight causes my anxiety to spike, so... congrats, you'll now become the diary of a depressed artist. If that isn't something to look forward to..._

_I'm on my way to Australia. I think we'll land in about two hours or something. Weird. I never left Japan before. I'm a little scared but also excited because I can finally start living the way I always wanted to, without having to fear mum..._

_Dad can't pick me up because he's in Sydney with Claire, and that's a bit ... haaah... he said he'll send Rayne instead, and I have mixed feelings about it. It probably will be awkward since we've never met before, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get along with her — she hates me._

_Anyway, dad being absent also means I'll have to spend tomorrow alone. My first birthday at my new home and no one will be around to celebrate it; kind of pathetic. Maybe I can find a nice bar or club to hang around. I'm glad Australia is easy-going about their alcohol laws._

_Wait, today is Halloween — is that a thing over there? Would be convenient because I could blend in easily. In Japan, nobody cared much about my styling, especially not in my district. However, I have no idea how Aussies deal with people of more eccentric appearance. I already have enough on my plate; I don't need them to stare at me like I'm kind of a weird freak._

_Haaah... I'm talking to a book, man... Whatever, I'll take a nap because my headache gets worse by the minute._

✵✵✵

Tullamarine's terminal 2 was buzzing with people who welcomed their loved ones after a long and exhausting international flight or said goodbye to those dear to them — and Rayne sat amidst them. Arms crossed, and wearing a rather displeased expression, she impatiently tapped her foot on the black and white-patterned carpet, waiting for the person she had to welcome. Someone, she neither loved, nor held dear.  
Her green eyes followed no one in particular as she shifted her weight a little, reaching for her phone to check the time once more. Clicking her tongue in annoyance, she got up from her seat and walked over to the large window facade. Rayne sighed, tired of waiting, and leaned her head against the window's bronze-toned glass to watch the bustle down at the tarmac.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=raynefullcolourillustl5jfv.jpg)

She didn't want to be here, yet, she had no other choice since it was her stepfather's request, as he and her mother would have to extend their stay in Sydney due to further filming. Nothing new to Rayne, but having to pick up Richard's son from the airport left her kind of pissed.

Ichiro St. James, half Japanese, architecture student at UTokyo, older than her; that was all she knew about him and never attempted to change that.

Whenever Richard talked about his son, Rayne subtly shifted the conversation to a different topic or simply left the room. She couldn't stand all the praise the _gifted child_ received because, apparently, Ichiro was flawless as well as everything he did. Smart, ambitious, diligent, and well-mannered — that was enough for Rayne to know that he was a people-pleasing wuss. She couldn't stand that guy and never wanted to meet him.

Since Ichiro contacted his father solely via phone calls, Rayne happily lived the illusion of being an only child without having to share anything. It was a comfortable life with free rein since her parents barely were home. However, that would change drastically because that damn guy suddenly decided to drop out of university to move to Australia. He would be home with her, could watch her every move, and would take up the little time she had with her parents — that was highly irritating.

Ichiro simply barged into her life, forcing her to share it with him, and everyone agreed to it. No one asked if _she_ agreed to it, though, and she didn't because Rayne liked being the centre of attention; the centre of love and affection. She enjoyed the privileges she had as the daughter of an actress — and now, this middle-class nobody had it made and would relish the rich people's lifestyle like a parasite.

Realising how hard she was clenching her jaw as a clacking noise, coming from the destination board, pulled her out of her thoughts, Rayne wetted her lips and heaved a breath. She looked up, checked the new arrivals and finally found the JAL flight from Tokyo to Melbourne listed as an electric crack rang out from a speaker above her head. A friendly voice confirmed the plane's landing and caused Rayne's heart to nervously skip a beat.

Although she knew that it would take Ichiro a while to deboard, her heart was already in a wildly hammering state. Tensely gnawing on her thumb while walking back to the row of black pleather seats, she rummaged through her bag in search of her pocket mirror. There was no reason for her to look pretty for someone she hated, but she wanted that annoying pest to know that she wasn't only beautiful but out of reach for him.

After confirming that her makeup still was flawless, she clutched her handbag against her chest, heaved a deep breath, and made her way to the gate.

The unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach intensified as Rayne weaved her way through the crowd of people heading to the arrival. Cold sweat formed on her back and her head started spinning, but as she thought she couldn't bear it any longer and would have to scream to get rid of all the tension, her mind went blank. There, he was; Rayne spotted her stepbrother almost instantly amongst the passengers, as he stood out like a sore thumb — a beautiful one. There was so much to take in that she had no time to think about anything else.

With a clenched jaw and a deep frown on his features, his ice-blue eyes scanned the entire area. Although he had Richard's eyes, this guy was clearly Asian and so handsome that Rayne's puzzlement immediately got replaced by irritation. She didn't know how Ichiro looked as she never cared, but now, Rayne wished she would have been prepared to avoid struggling over how to face him.

Years ago, as her mother and Richard came back from their first trip to Japan, they showed her a picture where they celebrated Ichiro's twelfth birthday. Rayne tore it apart, and after that, her stepfather kept all photos secured in his study.

Still bothered by his pretty features, she crossed her arms and examined her stepbrother's outfit with puckered brows. Ichiro was dressed in black from head to toe, which made his porcelain skin look even paler. He wore wide cargo pants stuffed in heavy biker boots, and a jacket tied around his waist — at first glance, not _that_ unusual. However, Ichiro had the nerve to combine it with a shirt that most girls weren't even confident enough to wear. A slashed and sleeveless turtleneck crop top. And the worst part? It looked good.

What threw her off were the eccentric accessories he was wearing. Long silver chains dangled from his belt and reflected the fluorescent tubes' bright light with every swing. His slender neck was adorned by a dog collar, his wrists covered in bracelets and a leather cord tied around his tattooed bicep. He had piercings in brow and navel and partly bleached, long hair but those weren't the weirdest things Rayne spotted. His long, black-painted nails, the real-looking bird skull earring, and the eyeliner, those were definitely peculiar and made her breath hitch.

Rayne was sure she would tease her friends for wearing an outfit like that, but she had to admit that it suited her stepbrother well.

Ichiro was of androgynous beauty, short for western standards, probably about the same height as her, and even though he looked pretty lean at first glance, his body actually was well-toned. Not buff like someone who frequently hit the gym but more like a dancer or an ice figure skater.

While Rayne grimaced, as she hated that everything about him looked good, their eyes locked, and Ichiro briskly started walking towards her.

Was this a coincidence, or did he know how she looked like? Puzzling over it, Rayne unintentionally tilted her head to the side while keeping staring at him, as his piercing gaze was too intimidating to look away. Realising that she was holding her breath, she quickly wetted her lips and nervously tucked a strand of her chestnut-coloured hair behind her ear.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichiroportraitsmirkaoq8jyt.jpg)

And then she panicked; for several reasons, but the main one was that she didn't know how to greet him.

Whenever Richard and his son talked on the phone, it was in Japanese, and Rayne never bothered to ask if Ichiro spoke English. Swallowing several times to get rid of her dry throat, she straightened up and slapped on her most charming fake smile.

"WELCOME - TO - AUSTRALIA, - ICHIIIRO. MY - NAME - IS - RAYNE, IT'S - NICE - TO - MEET - YOU!"

Confused, her stepbrother arched a brow as he stopped right in front of her, bowed and then slightly inclined his head.

"Hello, Rayne. Uh, excuse me, but... Do you think I'm dense or something?" he calmly asked in fluent English while sizing her up.

Mouth agape, Rayne's brows shot up in astonishment. She needed a few seconds to process, thinking that she might have misunderstood something.

"Wha—? Pardon, my dear, but I think I can't quite follow; dense?" She narrowed her eyes, a puzzled smile on her features.

Sighing, Ichiro rubbed his forehead with his index finger.

"Alright, um..." he bit down on his lip, a deep crease forming between his brows as he fumbled for words. "It's just— Well, the way you just greeted me sounded mocking, you know? Oh, and my name isn't pronounced Ichiiro but Ichirou."

His English was almost flawless with a cute accent, his voice warm and pleasing. However, his blunt demeanour startled Rayne as it made her look like a fool. She felt her cheeks growing hot over the embarrassment and couldn't help but lash out on him.

"Excuse me? Why are you so rude? I was trying to be nice, you know?!"

"Interesting..." Slightly frowning, Ichiro cleared his throat. "To assume that I don't speak English because I'm from Japan is pretty disrespectful in my book, yet I'm the rude one?"

"That's not—I was not—"

His stepsister swallowed her words while her ears and neck turned as red as her cheeks.

"What?" Ichiro smirked and shook his head, walking past her to the baggage claim area.

Flustered, she gritted her teeth and hurried after him. Although Ichiro was annoying and Rayne planned to never talk to him again, she felt the urge to explain herself. That she suddenly cared about how her stepbrother thought about her annoyed her even more. And he smelled so delicious that she wanted to scream at him that he better gets his ass back into a plane back to where he came from. Peaches — why on earth did he smell of peaches?

Scowling, she quickened her pace.

"I didn't know that you speak English, you know?!" she hissed through her teeth as she caught up to him.

"And why is that? You live with my dad for about ten years; have you never talked about me?" he asked while giving her a side glance.

His stepsister quickly averted her gaze, and Ichiro bit his lip while forcing himself to smile. Rayne's silence only confirmed what he already knew, but that didn't make it less hurtful.

His mother hated his father for divorcing her and used Ichiro as a tool to punish him further. She only ever allowed them to meet once a year, at his birthday, and one of the highlights was Richard telling lots of stories from Australia. Rayne was almost always part of them. Every year, Claire, Ichiro's stepmother, excused her daughter's absence but brought a gift with a photo of her attached, telling him Rayne got it for him. He kept all of them and was happy over having a little sister that liked him so much.

Years later, Ichiro accidentally found out that Rayne never cared about but always had hated him for no reason.

Claire was the one who bought the gifts because it broke her heart that her daughter didn't want anything to do with him. A well-intentioned gesture that made his love for his stepmother grow even more, but it was a heart-shattering experience nonetheless.

Shaking off the painful memories, Ichiro gently nudged his stepsister's shoulder to get her attention.

"Dad is Australian, English his native language — it was a matter of respect to learn it since he also did his best to learn Japanese back then. I studied English and German in school and visited several extra classes because what we learn in the regular lessons only covers the basics. Watching English or German TV productions with subtitles but original audio and reading books also helps a lot. I speak both languages fluently now, although English better than German because it really is a difficult language."

"You speak German?! You really are a nerd, aren't you?" Rayne asked in a slightly mocking tone, her eyes still widened in surprise.

"I do. Und langsam hab' ich die Nase voll von deinem unmöglichen Benehmen." (And I'm slowly getting fed up with your bad behaviour.)

"Was that German? What did you say?" Rayne furrowed her brows and stared at him in confusion, but Ichiro was already too exhausted to put up with her.

"Google it," he murmured annoyed while grabbing his suitcase.

He really tried getting along with her but felt that he slowly lost his patience over Rayne's attitude. Dealing with her was difficult and made him anxious again. He grew tense, clenched his teeth and started rubbing his arm repeatedly, suddenly becoming aware of the loud ambient noise.

Heaving a laboured breath, he quickly felt for the headphones around his neck, confirming that they still were at their place, glanced at Rayne, and bit his lip while putting them back on.

Ichiro felt guilty but dealing with this situation became too much to handle. He needed to drown it out, and the familiar tunes playing on his headphones were the only thing that could moderate this overwhelming experience.

As the step-siblings made their way through the airport, Rayne occasionally glanced at her _new_ brother. The music, coming from his headphones, was loud enough to be heard over the buzzing noise that surrounded them, but that wasn't the reason why people curiously stared at him. They eyed him, some warily, others intrigued or pleased by his appearance, causing her to grow uncomfortable walking next to him. However, either Ichiro was used to it and didn't care, or he was incredibly oblivious to his surroundings, as he calmly kept scrolling through his phone.

Sighing, Rayne averted her gaze and started browsing the displayed articles in the shop's windows they passed. Still dumbfounded, she reflected about what happened, as the first encounter with her brother definitely went much worse than she could have ever imagined. Ichiro was a confident guy who spoke his mind and stood up to her — something, she wasn't used to.

Usually, it was easy to twist people around her little finger, so why was this guy giving her such a hard time? The longer she thought about it, the angrier she became and almost ran into him, as she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. Irritated peeking around his back to see what made him halt, Rayne was greeted by two Asian girls in flashy outfits.

"Eeeeeee? Sainto Jameso, desu ne?!" (Huh? Aren't you St. James?), they squealed in unison and pressed their clenched fists against their blushing cheeks.

They got all excited when Ichiro nodded in response while taking off his headphones. They seemed to be also Japanese because they started talking to him with shining eyes and beaming smiles. Her stepbrother bowed politely, an angelic smile on his lips, his expression friendly, almost shy — he looked flustered, and that was kind of cute.

Rayne kept silently watching them talking in a friendly manner. It was interesting to see Ichiro interact with these strangers. She found them a little intrusive since one of the girls even touched his naked stomach, giggling and with flushed cheeks. However, her stepbrother overlooked it, kept talking to them in a soft tone and even held the polite smile on his lips. He really was as well-mannered as Richard always told.

The other girl took out her phone, and then all of them posed for a group selfie. They were making _peace_ signs and flashed their toothy grins to the camera when Rayne noticed something odd. Squinting her eyes for better focus on the subject, she made sure not to imagine things; he really had fangs. Why would he have vampire teeth? Although it looked kind of cool, it annoyed her to no end because it was another reason for people to talk behind their back. As if Ichiro's overall appearance wasn't already enough to cause a commotion and gave her the feeling of being on a stroll with an emo boy.

Clicking her tongue, she rolled her eyes, watching how her brother saw the girls off with another bow. The smile almost instantly vanished from Ichiro's face; he looked as if he was at the verge of tears, and quickly put back on his headphones. Rayne was curious and had many questions, but his behaviour was so confusing that she couldn't bring herself to say anything. She continued her way to the exit in silence but couldn't help stealing a glance at him every now and again.

A few minutes later, they finally reached the underground parking, and their footsteps became almost painfully loud as they echoed through the quiet, grey concrete block. While walking past the seemingly neverending stream of cars, Rayne gathered enough courage to carefully tap her brother's shoulder. Ichiro turned around, and an immediate smile spread across his features as he removed his headphones.

"Well? Is your curiosity actually greater than your pride?" he teased her, winking.

Rayne clenched her jaw to bite back a sassy remark, and took a deep breath instead. She was too curious for banter and just wanted it to be satisfied.

"You have fangs."

"Why, yes."

"Actual fangs, like, dunno, a vampire or something," she stated anew, while a crease formed between her brows.

Secretly, she was waiting for him to deny it even though it was stupid as he had already confirmed her observation.

Her brother frowned, visibly puzzled.

"I already answered in the affirmative. Yes, I have fangs. I went to a dentist and asked for a cosmetic procedure; that's how I got them."

Pursing her lips, Rayne rolled her eyes in response.

"Would it kill you to be nice for a second?"

"What the—?" Grimacing and obviously confused, Ichiro shook his head and averted his gaze, unable to make sense of his sister's remark as he had answered politely.

"Were those girls acquaintances of yours?" she addressed him anew, forcing him to lock eyes with her again.

"No, they recognised me from a job."

"A job? What kind? And why would you work in the first place? I thought you were a student. And don't you get money from Richard?"

The confusion on Rayne's features grew with every question, causing Ichiro to bite the inside of his cheek. He had trouble suppressing his grin over her unfathomable unworldly view on life, unable to believe that an eighteen-year-old was so detached from reality.

"My mother got money from him; a lot. I never saw anything of it, but I also never wanted to live off my father's fortune in the first place. And yeah, I was a student, but where I come from, university-students usually work part-time nonetheless. I basically was forced to since my last year at middle school because I had to pay for all my stuff myself as soon as I turned fifteen and legally was allowed to work.

"Before moving, I jobbed at a bar on weekends and occasionally worked as a model to earn my bread and butter; that's how the world works for middle-class children with a broken home, Rayne. However, I'm not sure if this little excursion to the real world will stick with you for more than five minutes." He answered her glare with a smug grin and a twitch of his eyebrow. "Anyway, those girls recognised me from a magazine's photo series."

"You're a model?!" Wide-eyed, she stared at him in disbelief, but Ichiro shrugged it off.

"Being a model in Japan is nothing special. Especially not when you're a blue-eyed Japanese _and_ part of a subculture. We're not talking about haute couture here but a niche for alternative people."

"What kind of subculture, your Gothic-Visual Kei-whatever thing?" she asked while gesturing up and down his body.

Brow still furrowed, he chuckled, mildly impressed that Rayne knew about Visual Key.

"My styling sure granted me the one or other job as well, but it mainly was about my body modification."

Frowning, Rayne sized him up. "Because of your fangs? Can't be about your piercings since they aren't special," she snapped while quirking a brow.

Ichiro looked down, smirking mischievously, not correcting her on the piercing topic.

"Yeah, it was mostly about my fangs — and my tongue."

"Your tongue?"

He stuck it out, and Rayne immediately shrieked in response, as it was split into slender and long halves, a piercing in each side. He moved them separately and grinned, apparently enjoying her disgusted reaction.

"Ewww, like a snake! That's so gross! Why would you do that?"

Shaking her body to emphasise her aversion, she grimaced and averted her gaze.

Ichiro sighed and rolled his eyes, starting growing tired of her attitude.

"Because I find it aesthetic, Rayne, that's why."

"Ugh, it's disgusting, and I don't like it at all!"

"Like I care," Ichiro stated in a flat tone while quickening his pace, fed up with the conversation.

The longer he talked to her, the more frustrated he became, as the girl clearly saw absolutely nothing wrong with her behaviour. Preparing to move was tiresome, the flight was, and his sister as well. Everything drained him, pressed the last bit of energy out of him. Ichiro just wanted to get away from everything, to have a little bit of peace and quiet, but it seemed that living in Australia wouldn't differ much from home.

Heaving a deep breath, he massaged his temples and briefly glanced over his shoulder.

"Well, aren't you extra..." his sister muttered under her breath after catching up to him, scowled and crossed her arms over her chest.

Shaking his head over her childish attitude, Ichiro focused his gaze forward. However, Rayne really managed to grind his gears, and he couldn't help but give her a snarky retort.

"Careful, princess, your mask is slipping, and you better keep that ugly personality covered."

"Stop being rude to me, jerk!" she shouted, lunging forward to punch his shoulder.

However, Ichiro noticed her movement from the corner of his eye, quickly turned around and caught her wrist.

"Alright... Listen," his voice was calm, but he had to take a deep breath to keep his composure. "You're nonstop complaining about my attitude, yet you're the one who's not only rude and mocks me with a fake smile, but also tries to hit me. You behave like a caveman but want me to treat you like a princess? That's not how it works, Rayne."

"You prick, who do you think you are?! You don't even know me!" she hissed through her teeth, her voice shaking angrily as she forcefully yanked her arm out of his gentle grip."

Ichiro smiled in response, his expression irritatingly peaceful.

"I don't? You're aware that I heard and understood every word you said, whenever you were in the background when I was calling dad? You act like a spoiled brat around Claire and Richard, and the way you treat them causes second-hand-embarrassment.

"Maybe you can usually fool those around you with your sweet talk, and your fake smile, to manipulate and take advantage of them. However, you don't even have to try it with me because I see right through your bullshit and I'm not taking it.

"You hate me and don't even want me to be here, and that's okay, but don't treat me like shit and expect me to act nicely in return because I won't."

Startled and big-eyed, Rayne stared at her brother. "How do you know?" Her voice was small, barely audible, but made it clear that she was genuinely astonished.

Ichiro offered her a sad smile, not sure if he should pity himself or her.

"A minor detail slipped your mother once, that's how I figured it out, and my father confirmed it after I confronted him — he and Claire are sad about it, Rayne. Your hostile behaviour troubles them a lot, and I think you should start working on your wretched personality. Or do you want to keep hurting them? Aren't they worthy of reciprocating their affection? You should consider yourself lucky that you have a loving family, that someone cares about you, you fucking ungrateful brat."

Ichiro stopped as he felt his voice cracking. Quickly averting his gaze to blink away the upwelling tears, he reached for Rayne's hand and squeezed it gently. Immediately, the beeping sound of an unlocking car reverberated through the eerily quiet underground parking while he started walking toward it.

Rayne was shaking. Not because she was scared but because she was angry about her stepbrother's audacity to talk to her in that tone. She clenched her teeth and glared at his back, cursing him multiple times while vowing to herself to turn his life into a nightmare.

Pulling her phone from her back pocket, Rayne briskly marched over to her car and glared at her brother as she got in. He ignored her and kept staring out the window, which riled her up even more.

She huffed, started the engine and sent a message to the first person she had to turn against her stepbrother — Gabriel Montgomery, her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you reached this point, you read the first chapter of my story, and that makes me incredibly happy. I thank you a thousand times. <3  
> Water on Canvas is my very first original story. Original BL, to be precise, and although I know that most readers on AO3 are only interested in fanfics, I really hope that Water on Canvas might attract someone's attention and gets them to like it.  
> This project is very special and close to my heart, and I'm excited to share it with you. I'm not only the author of the story but also the one who draws the pictures. I'll add a lot to the story. If I can manage it in time, I want to draw a new piece for each chapter since I think it's more immersive if you're able to see my beloved OC's in different scenes.
> 
> If you enjoyed the start of WoC and decide to keep reading, I would be happy if you leave kudos and comments. Feedback is essential to content creators. It's not only nice to read what people think about our work but also highly motivating to keep going, and if you're too shy to write a comment, I appreciate a simple emoji and your kudos just as much.  
> I hope, I can keep you entertained with Gabriel's and Ichiro's journey. Thanks a lot for stopping by. See you in chapter two. :) <3


	2. Butterflies, Quarrels & Spaghetti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Took my shoulder long enough to heal. -.-  
> Anyway! Today's upload is an exception since I had to take a break for so long. From now on, I plan to upload a new chapter + drawing every Friday.  
> Additional content like short side stories, (NSFW) drawings etc. will be available via Patreon in the near future. :)

When Gabriel pulled into the driveway, Rayne was already impatiently pacing back and forth on the shady front porch. She immediately glared at him as she noticed his car, pointing furiously at her imaginary wristwatch. 

Sighing, he shook his head with closed eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose, as he already knew that this afternoon would be packed with unnecessary drama. After all, Rayne was involved, and his best friend's catfights never ended well. As beautiful as she was, as nasty she could act, easily riling up people and then using it against them as soon as they lost their patience. However, since Gabriel didn't know anything about her stepbrother, he either could be the prick she described or another innocent victim. In any case, it could be possible that the guy already saved his neck on his own, and the whole issue maybe wasn't as severe as Rayne persisted saying.

While getting out of the car, Gabriel's gaze wandered upwards. The Gainsborough mansion was a dazzling white two-winged, two-storey house with a broad staircase, a beautiful covered patio with polished marble pillars at the entrance, and a fountain in front, embedded in a neat lawn. His favourite spot; however, was the large and enchanting roof garden. It was filled with myriads of lush plants and facade greenery, which covered the second storey's whole front. Now that it was almost summer, the plants were in full bloom, and a sea of beautifully coloured blossoms shone brightly in the warm midday sun — a sight that Gabriel after all those years still enjoyed.

He shifted his gaze to his best friend, who locked eyes with him. Arms crossed and her phone still in hand, her glare slowly eased up into a halfhearted smile as he started walking over. 

"Hey there, troublemaker," he teased while pulling Rayne's delicate frame into his strong arms. She immediately started sobbing, explaining between hiccups and sniffles more detailed what had happened at the airport.

"So, he threatened and harassed you," Gabriel murmured in his deep voice, repeating his best friend's accusations.

"Y-yes." Rayne nodded, her tearful face still pressed into his firm chest.

Frowning, he continued stroking her back, still struggling to wrap his head around the story he just heard. 

"Okay, but... Uh, for what reason exactly? I don't get why that guy threatened you all of a sudden since you just complained about him being rude for wearing headphones the entire time after you chatted briefly. Are you, dunno, withholding something?"

She stiffened in his arms, hold her breath even. Gently grabbing Rayne's shoulders to pull her from his body, Gabriel watched her quietly, waiting for an explanation.

"That's— Um—" she swallowed and blinked rapidly, nervously starting to play with a strand of her hair. 

A habit Rayne developed in elementary school whenever she told a lie or tried to hide something, and that hadn't changed to this day. 

Slightly annoyed, Gabriel arched a brow. "Rayne, are you being honest with me?"

She refused to answer but averted her gaze instead while fresh tears started streaming down her rosy cheeks. Gabriel sighed, knowing that she could cry on the spot, patted her head and slipped past her through the entrance. Obviously, she was lying, but he would try talking to her brother nonetheless, as the guy probably had no idea how to deal with her.

"I take it, Ichiro moved into one of the guest rooms?" he asked while glancing over his shoulder.

Rayne nodded but didn't turn around. Annoyed by her hammy behaviour, Gabriel exhaled audibly, made his way through the spacious entrance hall and quickly climbed the steps by always skipping one. 

Upstairs, the noise of someone rummaging around led Gabriel to the room at the far end. Although he barely ever visited this part of the house, he knew his destination was the guestroom with the floor-to-ceiling windows. That room and Richard's study next door were the only ones connected to the roof garden.

Briskly walking down the cream-white, tiled corridor, Gabriel let his gaze wander about the hallway's ivory-coloured wallpapers, which perfectly matched the marble floor. The entire house was light-flooded, thanks to its many windows, and overall filled with appealing décor, furnishing, and many paintings. However, up here, the walls were covered in nothing but photographies of Rayne at different stages of age — yet not a single one of her stepbrother. He frowned at the realisation wondering why Richard's son didn't deserve being part of this hallway of memories.

Reaching his destination, Gabriel poked his head through the guestroom's door. The slender and short Ichiro was balancing on tiptoes on a stool, shoving some heavy boxes in the upper shelf of a deep wardrobe, his head hidden behind its door. His cropped shirt and the extremely low-worn pants gave sight to a pierced stomach with a delicate v-line and a soft-looking waist that caused Gabriel to swallow slowly.

Immediately, his thoughts were filled with the desire to touch Rayne's brother, which made him swear internally, as it caused a mild state of panic. No one ever elicited this kind of reaction from him; especially no guy. He frowned, confused by what just happened, roughly rubbed his face while shaking his head and finally addressed the stranger.

"Excuse me, Ichiro?"

"Kusa!" (Shit!)

He startled, losing his balance almost instantly, as the tiny stool didn't even offer enough room for his whole feet.

"Careful, mate!"

Without thinking, Gabriel jumped forward to catch him, surprised by how light-weighted he was when laying in his arms — and then he gasped. Stunned by his attractive features and the mesmerising ice-blue eyes, Gabriel frowned a little but smiled nonetheless, as he was puzzled and unsure of how to react.

Ichiro parted his lips in response, huffing the tiniest laugh.

"Boy, are you handsome — wow, this feels like a corny Disney movie scene," he whispered in Japanese while staring wide-eyed at the blonde hunk.

He looked like a Greek sculpture with his square jaw, the full lips, dazzling light-brown eyes with striking eyebrows and that beautifully sculpted nose; thus, exactly Ichiro's type. That he also was buff with broad shoulders and most impressive back muscles made it hard for him to keep playing cool.

"Damn, this isn't good... Especially since you're probably my sister's boyfriend, huh, handsome stranger? Man... that lucky brat," he whispered anew in Japanese, eliciting a slight smile from the other guy.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at the sound of the foreign words. Although he couldn't understand anything, he wished Ichiro would keep talking, as his soft and warm voice ringed pleasantly in his ears.

Completely baffled, they continued watching each other, examining each other's features.

Ichiro's delicately chiselled features and overall appearance were unique in Gabriel's eyes, making him think of a word he never used to describe a guy before. He was beautiful.

Sure, he already crossed paths with handsome men and admitting their good looks never was a big deal to him, but this right here was different. Rayne's stepbrother wasn't only handsome but truly beautiful; so much so that Gabriel felt overpowered by it.

While unable to avert his gaze from the gorgeous face, he noticed that his palms started tingling at the touch of Ichiro's smooth skin. Kneejerk, he subtly pressed his fingertips into the small waist in his hands, instantly regretting it since it was highly inappropriate. However, Ichiro smirked a little, slowly tipping his head to the side as he ever so slightly leaned into his touch, almost causing Gabriel to sigh in response.

"What the hell is happening here?" he whispered unconsciously, eliciting a small, throaty chuckle from Ichiro that finally broke the spell.

"You tell me, stranger. Maybe, we should get up, hm?"

"Wha—? Yeah. Wow," Gabriel gently pulled him with him onto his feet and quickly took a step back.

"I'm so sorry, mate. That sure was awkward, and I can't even explain why it happened because I have absolutely no clue."

"Aside from being incredibly tall, you're also incredibly odd," Ichiro teased him.

He couldn't suppress his grin as he watched the stranger blushing and fumbling for words. Rayne's boyfriend or not, that guy definitely wasn't straight because he already checked him out again. His expression was as easy to read like an open book, and along with attraction came a lot of confusion. Maybe it wasn't a poor excuse but him truly not knowing why he acted strangely. Ichiro decided not to keep teasing him, as he really looked troubled.

Smiling genuinely instead, he bowed and introduced himself.

"St. James, Ichiro. Nice to meet you."

He extended his hand, which the other one quickly grabbed and firmly shook. In comparison, his hand was huge, almost entirely enveloping Ichiro's, which felt like a warm and gentle embrace.

"My name is Gabriel Montgomery, I'm a friend of your sister. It's nice to meet you, too, mate, and welcome to Australia. Again, I'm so sorry for my previous behaviour; I really don't have an explanation for it."

"I think I've never heard someone apologising for touching me before," he stated, his expression friendly but slightly puzzled nonetheless.

Ichiro's voice was pleasant from the start, but the way he spoke English sounded sexy. He talked slow in a soft, melodic voice, and his cute accent made the corner of Gabriel's mouth twitch in irritation since he didn't know where these sudden feelings came from. Those weird thoughts started to become disturbing, and he wanted to get rid of them again, yet, he didn't know how to do it.

"Alright, Gabriel, I don't mind holding hands with you, but it seems like it's only adding up to this rather bizarre encounter, don't you think?"

The smirk on Ichiro's lips made him even more appealing, causing Gabriel's embarrassment to spike.

"Christ — of course! Again, I'm sorry. It's just— You're so beautiful."

Flustered, he quickly let go of Ichiro's slender hand, immediately regretting what he just had blurted out. He wore his heart on his sleeve, which wasn't always advantageous but usually manageable. However, right now, it felt like his brain had betrayed him most viciously, and he wished the ground would gape open to swallow him whole.

"Thank you for the compliment, Mister Montgomery," Ichiro breathed while trying to hide his blushing cheeks behind his clenched fists.

The adorable sight immediately pulled Gabriel out of his thoughts, and he couldn't help but smile.

"Mister Montgomery, huh? I like the ring to it."

The guy was a confident tease and seemed used to flirting, but obviously couldn't handle genuine compliments — that was good to know. A lopsided grin spread about his lips as he watched how the fierce blush also started tinting Ichiro's delicate neck. The rosy skin stirred something within Gabriel, made him curious about how it would feel beneath his lips — he had to avert his gaze for a brief moment to clear his thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, he addressed him anew while bowing his head.

"Many apologies for making you feel uncomfortable; I didn't mean to say that out loud."

Now it was Ichiro, who cleared his throat.

"Ah, no, don't worry, it's alright. But, you really _are_ odd." Smiling, he rubbed the tip of his nose with the back of his fingers while restlessly glancing about the room. "Anyway, how can I help you? I guess you came here for a reason?"

Gabriel was incredibly grateful for him changing the topic so nonchalantly and nodded in response.

"Yeah, it's because of Rayne. She seems to have an issue with you, mate, and I'd like to know what's going on since she basically forced me to rush over here."

He pulled a paintbrush from one of the packing cases, twirling it around to keep his hands occupied while his gaze wandered about the new furnishing. The room was now carpeted in teal, the walls painted in grey and the furnishings in the same, white shabby chic style as his mother's at home.

Many of the moving boxes were filled with art supplies as bottles of acrylic paints, paintbrushes, clay, and canvases in different sizes. And an easel, covered in old paint blotches, stood right next to the open balcony door. Nothing reminded at the previous impersonal, modern design; Gabriel liked it.

Sighing, Ichiro grabbed a box, walked over to his desk and started unpacking pencil cases, notebooks and drawing pads.

"Ah, you're the one whom she texted earlier. In the car. While driving. I get it, alright, go ahead."

While Gabriel told him everything he knew and explained Rayne's general nature, Ichiro finished arranging his desk. Turning around to lean against it, he crossed his arms and legs while fixing his gaze at the lamp on his nightstand. His sister's version of the events wasn't only full of holes but also benefitting her while accusing Ichiro of harassment and even threatening behaviour. Scowling, he clenched his teeth, locked eyes with Gabriel and waited for him to finish the quite upsetting monologue.

"... and since she refused to answer that question and her acting suspiciously, I think she's not telling the truth, but she'll try to get away with it. So, we better sort things out, or it'll get nasty for you, believe me," Gabriel advised, heaving a deep breath.

Huffing a scornful laugh, Ichiro poked his tongue against his cheek.

"It's ridiculous that I already have to deal with such childish and unnecessary matters on the day of my arrival."

He pushed himself off the desk, and briskly crossed the room. "Come with me, please," he said while passing Gabriel, gently tugging at his shirt to make him follow. 

"Huh, she was waiting here before. Maybe she went to her room," Gabriel stated while he and Ichiro stood in the doorway, staring at the empty front porch.

Ichiro clicked his tongue in response, already turning around to enter the house again. The mansions entrance hall was as big as his apartment in Japan and furnished with designer pieces that probably had the same worth as a mid-range car. The level of wealth irritated him as he always had to work hard for living a simple life while making some savings for the future. Here, everything was handed on a silver platter, and everyone took it for granted. Glancing over his shoulder, he locked eyes with Gabriel.

"And where can I find her room? This house is too big — Rayne?!" he barked while turning his head again.

Ichiro's voice sounded irritated and not at all as sweet and sexy as a few minutes ago. He started wandering the entrance hall like a lost kitten, peeked into the laundry room and cursed in Japanese and Gabriel couldn't help but smile. He quickly caught up to him and clasped his shoulder to gently shove him through the kitchen's archway.

"This way, mate. The kitchen is basically the key element of the mansion when you want to reach the private rooms."

The spacious room with half-timbered walls was a mix of a kitchen with dining area and a mini living room. It had a more rustic furnishing, and everything was colour-coordinated in grey and white with aubergine-coloured accents. Hanging plants, cookbooks and many small glass bottles filled the space between the timber beams, creating a cosy atmosphere. Ichiro was surprised, as he immediately started feeling at ease. After Gabriel gently shoved him to the room's centre and turned him around, he pointed to the left and right.

"The only ways to basically enter the rears of the corridors; they lead to the entertainment room and your family's bed- and private bathrooms — Rayne's is at the end of the left one."

"Entertainment room? You've got to be kidding me," Ichiro murmured in a displeased tone while striding over to the left archway.

Gabriel sighed, slowly following him, already anticipating Rayne's screaming; which followed quickly.

"You can't barge in without knocking, you prick!"

Leisurely folding his arms above his chest, Gabriel casually leaned against the doorframe to quietly watch the scene that was about to unfold before him. The stepsiblings faced each other, both clearly irritated. Ichiro arched a brow and fixed his piercing gaze at Rayne.

"Knocking is a great way to show a little respect in daily life, isn't it?"

Crossing his arms, he slightly tipped back his head and offered his sister a smug grin. "Unfortunately, you've decided to spread lies about me, so you'll never enjoy my respect because I'm through with you," he added with a wink while cocking his head.

"Lies? I don't know what you're talking about!"

Ichiro snorted derisively, turning around to stare at Gabriel in disbelief before addressing his stepsister again.

"Oh, really? Say, were you hoping for your boyfriend blindly trusting your word if you keep lying tenaciously? Are people around you usually that naive?"

"He's notmy boyfriend!"

"I'm single," they said simultaneously in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh?" Ichiro arched his brows, pleasantly surprised. That the blonde hunk had no one at his side seemed to be the only good thing this exhausting day had to offer. Smirking, he turned to Gabriel once more while addressing his sister. "That's reassuring because no one should have to put up with a nasty hag like you anyway." He smiled briefly at him before turning back to Rayne.

She glared, inhaling deeply, but Ichiro's intimidating scowl made her swallow her words.

"You know, now that I know how awful your personality is, I don't give a shit anymore about what you think of me. However, telling people that I'm threatening and harassing you crosses a line, _dear little sister_. You have to be insane to think I'd let you get away with it," he said emphatically and frowned. "And if we're being honest; what do you think who believe people more in the long run? The ill-tempered brat that constantly causes trouble, or the calm, ordinary and well-behaved guy?"

"Ordinary, you?" she affected a laugh. "Take a look into the mirror, you fucking freak, and now get out of my room!" she screamed at her brother and tried lunging at him again.

However, Ichiro took a quick sidestep while Gabriel already strode through the room to hold her back.

"Jesus Christ, Rayne, that's enough!" he growled in a low voice, gently holding her by the shoulders. "You really behave embarrassingly childish right now. That's your brother, for fuck's sake, and he'll live here from now on; deal with it like an adult."

"He's _not_ my brother, you fucking traitor!" she shouted, yanked herself free and stormed off.

Closing his eyes, Gabriel heaved a deep sigh, rubbed his face and leaned against the chest of drawers. "This is so embarrassing..." opening his eyes again, he fixed his gaze on Ichiro. "I'm so sorry, mate. I know, it's hard to imagine, but she actually can act pretty nicely; however, since she knew about your move, she changed completely."

Ichiro watched him quietly for a moment, wondering what kind of bond those two had that Gabriel willingly put up with Rayne. He seemed like a friendly and reasonable guy, basically the complete opposite of his stepsister.

"Rayne hates me; I knew that much and was prepared for it. Or so I thought." He huffed a strained laugh, gestured to the corridor and started walking.

"The entire time at the airport, I endured her rude and disrespectful attitude for the sake of peace and quiet. However, after she insulted, and even tried hitting me, Rayne crossed even _my_ line. I've caught her wrist while she lunged at me and gave her an earful for her absolutely abysmal behaviour; that's all I've done." Shrugging his shoulders, he glanced at Gabriel, who offered him a crooked smile while ushering him into the kitchen."

"Sounds like a pretty normal reaction to me."

"Yeah, well; treating people with respect is a huge thing in my country, basically our default setting, you know?" I'm used to treating everyone politely and with respect and also used to being treated equally, so I sure won't swallow this impertinent child's behaviour."

"I'm not a child!" Rayne shouted, glaring at him from her seat at the kitchen counter.

"Then stop acting like one!" Ichiro barked in response, making her flinch.

He didn't mean to raise his voice but simply couldn't hold back anymore, as his pent-up anger vigorously pushed for a release. Today's events were too much to cope with, and the only thing he wanted now was to get away from it.

Gabriel watched Ichiro's shoulders slump, his expression a mix of sadness and exhaustion as he turned to leave.

"At no point have I harassed or threatened you, Rayne, so, please, swallow your pride and be honest for a change."

Rayne stayed silent, averted her gaze and started fumbling on her blouse's lacing. The situation had turned into something she couldn't handle anymore, yet she was too proud to admit it.

Apologising was out of the question, as she didn't intend to show her stepbrother any weakness. Clearing her throat, Rayne chose to ignore his plea, grabbed a magazine and started browsing it.

Ichiro drew in a slow and deep breath as he ran his hands through his face. The scenario was painful, reminded him of his mother and what she did to him. His throat constricted as a lump formed in his throat, and he had trouble holding back his tears. A defeated smile on his lips, he addressed his sister one last time.

"You know, everything tied to my moving here is a fucking depressing and disturbing mess and makes me feel miserable as hell. Your amateur dramatic performance is a cherry on top I really don't need. However, I guess, I'll just have to deal with you fucking up my mental health even more, hm? Because you obviously don't give a shit about anyone but yourself. So, enjoy your victory, Rayne; I hope my suffering brings you happiness," he spat out. "I have to unpack now. See you later."

Biting back his tears, he turned away, heading for the staircase while cursing himself for showing so much vulnerability in front of a stranger.

Gabriel's eyes followed Ichiro until he was out of sight. With furrowed brows, he walked over to Rayne and addressed her in a quiet voice.

"Do you really think it's wise to make it worse on purpose? No matter how you might feel about him moving in, think about your parents, too. It'll hurt them when you two constantly fight, and Ichiro already seems to have," he gestured vaguely. "No idea, problems, and you're fucking around with him for no reason. After what I've heard and seen, he appears to be a nice guy—"

"Stop it, Gabe." Rayne cut him off in a commanding tone. "I'm feeling awful and don't wanna talk about that fucker."

"Christ, stop acting like a bitch, mate," he mumbled, walked over to the fridge and checked the content. "I'll make lunch now, and then, I'll ask your brother if he wants to eat with us."

Rayne looked up, glared at his broad back and clicked his tongue, annoyed about Gabriel already being under Ichiro's spell. "Pfff, do whatever the hell you want, Gabe. Seems like he's your new best friend anyway, isn't he; that pretty boy?" she snarled and continued reading.

The door to Ichiro's room was wide open as Gabriel entered it for the second time that day, although the dweller was nowhere to be seen. He saw that most of the moving boxes were still untouched, assumed that Ichiro took a shower and was about to leave again as he noticed the Japanese outside at the rooftop garden. He was lying on the turf, wearing headphones, arms crossed beneath his head, and his eyes closed.

His clothes revealed even more of his body now, as they were in disarray.

Immediately, Gabriel's gaze wandered down to Ichiro's stomach, watching how it slowly and subtly stretched and shifted with every breath he took. He couldn't help but imagine to slowly run his fingertips across the soft skin. To squeeze the delicate waist while pulling Ichiro into his lap _._

He frowned and swallowed slowly, confused by his dirty thoughts, as he barely ever had any, and never so vividly — but most importantly, never with a man. Shaking his head, he took a deep breath before sliding the glass door open.

"Mate, your skin is as pale as porcelain; if you haven't used any sunscreen, you'll probably get a major sunburn, you know?"

Since he could hear the loud music playing on Ichiro's headphones, and Ichiro himself not moved a muscle, it was clear that he hadn't noticed him. Gabriel crouched down, carefully tapping his shoulder, but he seemed to be asleep. After shaking him a little more vigorously, Ichiro puckered his brows, licking his lips while opening his eyes. He quickly took off his headphones and shifted into a sitting position as he realised Gabriel's presence.

"I'm sorry, I just... I was so tired. Can I do something for you, Gabriel?" Yawning, he rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, then fixed his gaze back on him.

Gabriel cleared his throat, ripping his gaze from Ichiro's lips.

"Uh, yeah, we cooked lunch; wanna eat wi— Actually, wait," he paused and cocked his head, unable to hide his confusion. "Mate, is your tongue split in half?"

Ichiro laughed out loud in response, baring his fangs as he did so. "Yes. Wanna see?"

"Absolutely, and show me your fangs as well, please, 'cause I just noticed them."

Ichiro grinned at him, blushing, and Gabriel stared at his long, pearl-white teeth, completely fascinated.

"That's— Man, that really is awesome! Have you ever used them? I mean," he cleared his throat anew, lifting his hands. "I'm sorry for prying, that's way too private."

"No, it's alright." Ichiro smiled gently at him, happy about him showing positive interest. "My ex-boyfriend definitely enjoyed getting bitten after I got them. I have to be careful when I do so, though."

"... Boyfriend?" Puzzled, Gabriel tipped his head to the side, causing Ichiro to frown in response.

" _Ex_ -boyfriend, but yes. What is it, are you homophobic or something?"

"Wha— No!" Gabriel almost shouted, vigorously shaking his head. "I just didn't know you're gay."

"Bisexual," Ichiro stated, still eyeing him suspiciously.

"Bisexual, okay, cool, that's absolutely fine with me, mate, no worries," he affirmed, smiling reassuringly at him.

Gabriel's heart started racing. Inexplicably, he felt excitement over this revelation, immediately thinking about how he could get closer to Rayne's brother, as he felt the urge to make a move on him. That was weird and somehow disturbing since he was a guy. However, he was a good-looking twenty-one year old, and still a virgin because he never was interested in women and declined all their offers. Nothing could be weirder than that, right?

"About my tongue," Ichiro's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Focusing back on him, he watched how he pushed two long and slender halves of rosy flesh through his lips; Gabriel was instantly captivated.

"Man... that's so cool. I've read about it and saw a few pics, but never saw the real thing before — and yours is even pierced. Did it hurt? The whole procedure, I mean. Oh! Can you move them separately?"

His childlike excitement and curiosity made Ichiro smile bashfully.

Gabriel had squatted down close to him, technically close enough to reach for his head to pull him in for a demonstration of his tongue's benefits. He was so handsome that Ichiro couldn't think of anything else than making out with him. Noticing the heat on his face intensifying, he smiled awkwardly and forced himself to stare at the blooming plant next to them.

"It didn't exactly hurt, but the healing process was a bit annoying. Couldn't eat a lot of things for a few weeks, but I was lucky because it healed fast and well."

"Ah, that's nice. Thanks for not being weirded out by my ques— Oh..."

Ichiro had stuck out his tongue again to move it as Gabriel previously asked for, but Gabriel wasn't prepared for the effect it had on him. It was the mere display of a few quick movements, Ichiro even had averted his gaze before, yet it somehow had an incredibly alluring and sensual impact.

It felt like slow motion as he watched how the two halves smoothly caressed each other; how the pink, wet tips teased the corners of Ichiro's mouth, glided along the top of his lip. Gabriel's breath hitched as he felt a wave of desire rolling through his body while imagining to share sensual kisses with the guy in front of him. Embarrassed, he got up and took a step back, almost sure about his face being beet-red.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabech3ao3gdj29.jpg)

Ichiro smiled shyly at him, his cheeks tinted in crimson as he heaved a slow and deep breath that highlighted his slender neck and prominent collar bones.

"Why are you so sexy?" Gabriel whispered; unaware that he spoke it out loud.

Ichiro let out a light chuckle and watched him through narrowed eyes. "Hm? I couldn't quite catch that," he lied, cocked his head and grinned.

"Wha—" Realising that he must have blurted out his thoughts again, Gabriel's breath hitched anew, but it seemed as if Ichiro hadn't understood what he let slip. Relieved, he took a deep breath and tried to brush it over.

"Uh, the food is getting cold, you know? So, um... will you join us?"

"The food, huh?" Ichiro's grin widened. "Yeah... sure. I'm famished anyway." In a quick jump, he rose to his feet.

Dealing with today's events had been a nightmare, but being with Rayne's friend somehow put him at ease. His genuine acceptance, friendly demeanour, as well as the open curiosity and interest, were heart-balm; and he needed lots of it. Ichiro didn't know how the guy managed to soothe his soul with his mere presence but accepted it gladly, soaking it up like a dry sponge.

Locking eyes with Gabriel as he walked past him, he deliberately brushed their hands together and smiled.

Rayne side-eyed her brother appraisingly as she placed a plate in front of him. Gabriel basically forced her to serve him — and arguing with her friend was more or less as promising as discussing something with a stone. Naturally, she would never admit that she felt awful about how it had escalated before. However, Rayne was glad that Ichiro acted the way he did; more mature than her. She knew that she acted like a child, but it was, in fact, the child in her that was scared that someone could take her loved ones from her.

"Um... Spaghetti Carbonara. Nothing special," she murmured in a small voice, looking at his lips to avoid eye-contact. However, Ichiro ignored her gaze entirely, focused on the dish instead and bowed his head.

"Thank you for the meal."

Gabriel's invitation was the only reason for him being here, as he actually had planned to stay in his room to avoid his sister for the rest of the day. But now his stomach growled embarrassingly loud, signalling that he really was hungry, and confirming that it was a good idea to come downstairs. The dish looked good, the carbonara seemed to be on point and smelled mouth-watering.

While he wondered who of them cooked it, Rayne exhaled audibly, shuffled around the counter and sat down across from him, waiting for Gabriel to hand over her own share.

Gabriel could see that his friend was uncomfortable with the situation, clearly pondering about how to approach her brother from now on.

He was glad that she managed to keep calm for now, as he wanted Ichiro to enjoy the lunch without any trouble, at least.

Rayne was gnawing on her lip while absentmindedly poking the pasta as he sat down next to her.

"You should eat before it gets cold," he said, gently nudging her shoulder while twirling his spaghetti.

She sighed, but nodded in response and shoved a fork full of noodles into her mouth.

For a while, the large hall clock's _tick-tock_ and their clanking cutlery were the only noises that filled the house. Not even looking at each other once, the situation turned more and more awkward with every passing minute and made Gabriel grow uncomfortable. While thinking about a light topic that he could bring up to finally break the tension, Ichiro beat him to it.

"It's delicious; you even added _Guanciale_ , that's nice. I didn't know you were into cooking." He looked up and fixed his gaze at his sister.

"Gua— what? I... Actually, it was Gabriel who cooked." Rayne looked back down at her plate, the tips of her ears turning red. "I've put the noodles into the saucepan, though," she added meekly and continued eating.

Grinning, Gabriel nudged her shoulder once more and locked eyes with Ichiro.

"I'm impressed that you can tell it's _Guanciale_. Most people I know don't even have a clue what it is."

"Yeah, those are the same people who also add cream to their _Carbonara,"_ he retorted, winking at Gabriel.

They both started grinning, and the tension in the air immediately subsided.

"Then, I take it you're also into cooking?" Gabriel continued eating, eyes still locked with Ichiro's, who nodded in response while swallowing down.

"Yeah, especially Italian cuisine. Back in Tokyo, I was friends with a sweet exchange student from Italy; they cooked the best pasta and often invited me over for lunch or dinner. That's why I started getting interested in the whole cooking thing eventually."

"That's awesome, mate." Gabriel was beaming with excitement, as he had finally found someone who shared his passion for cooking. "We should make something together soon. Maybe you could teach me some Japanese dishes as well; if you don't mind, of course. I'd love to learn more about foreign dishes."

"Sure, with pleasure." Ichiro smiled brightly at him while wolfing down more spaghetti.

"Why don't you two lovebirds exchange numbers?" Rayne's sarcastic remark was accompanied by a loud clang as she chucked her plate into the sink.

The guys were so engaged in their conversation that they completely forgot about her being there, not even noticing that she had left the table a while ago.

Gabriel quickly walked over and started stroking her shoulders soothingly from behind.

"Christ, no one ignored you, Rayne. You could've simply joined the conversation, you know?"

"Why would I? I don't care about cooking."

"But we do, and I don't care that it's not your cup of tea. The world doesn't revolve around you and your interests, Rayne," Ichiro snapped at her, unwilling to keep dealing with her attitude in a friendly manner.

Indeed, she glared at him in response but stayed calm nonetheless.

"Yeah, whatever. Have fun." Grabbing her phone, Rayne turned to her friend. "I'm waiting in my room, Gabe. Don't take too long." While leaving the kitchen, she glanced once more at her brother but refrained from saying anything.

Sighing, Ichiro shook his head, got up from his seat and started to clean up. Although his sister almost managed to behave decently, was her little scene enough to add up to his overall exhaustion. A mild headache started throbbing in his temples, his muscles felt sore, and keeping his eyes open became challenging.

Clearing his throat, he reluctantly addressed Gabriel, who walked over to the kitchen unit.

"I'll take my leave when I'm done cleaning. Dealing with my sister was exhausting, and I'm awake for almost 48 hours by now; I really need to sleep." Looking up, he locked eyes with him. They smiled at each other and Ichiro bowed his head. "Thanks again for cooking this delicious meal. I really appreciate your effort."

"I actually like Rayne's idea," Gabriel said out of the blue in a low voice, earning a puzzled look from Ichiro.

"Excuse me, what?"

Laughing, he started loading the dishwasher and avoided looking at Rayne's brother, as he knew he would immediately blush while saying the next words. "Exchanging numbers or whatever contact details you prefer."

Ichiro's heart jumped in his chest, and he had to bite down on his lip to avoid squealing. He felt his cheeks blushing but tried to play cool nonetheless as he stepped over to Gabriel and extended his hand.

"If you give me your phone, I'll save it for you."

Gabriel handed it over, his face equally red, and Ichiro started writing down every single of his contact information that came to mind. Thinking that he might look desperate jotting all that down, his cheeks grew even hotter, and his hands started trembling. The phone almost slipped from his grip as he handed it back, but Gabriel reacted quickly and palmed both, his hand and the device.

"Careful, mate," he breathed as they locked eyes, watching each other with soft smiles on their lips.

Gabriel subtly squeezed Ichiro's hand, who lightly flexed his fingers in response while taking a deep breath through parted lips. He swallowed slowly, hesitantly pulling his hand from his grip.

"I better get going, I guess." Clearing his throat, Ichiro averted his gaze. "Contact me whenever you want, Mister Montgomery." He glanced over his shoulder, smiling shyly. "Ja mata ne." (Well, see you later.)

"Err, see you, mate."

Gabriel shoved his phone back into his pocket, waited until he heard him climbing the steps and exhaled audibly. He just asked a hot guy for his number — and got it. His heart was still racing, and a wildly throbbing sensation started spreading through his stomach.

Laughing, he ruffled his hair and looked at the empty archway.

"Fuck."


	3. Truth or Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's emotional turmoil starts to cause problems at his training lessons, Rayne's behaviour gets more and more annoying, and on top of that, he last minute learned about Ichiro's birthday, which even Rayne almost forgot. Not exactly a good day ... right? 
> 
> A super long chapter, I'm sorry for that, but it wouldn't have worked out if I would have split it in two.  
> Happy reading!

Gabriel already knew today's time wasn't his best, but when he climbed out of the pool and spotted coach Swanson's deep frown, his mood dropped even lower. 

About twenty years ago, Andrew Swanson was a successful Olympic athlete who also won gold at that time. He retired after a severe shoulder injury and became a highly esteemed coach for potential Olympia candidates instead. Swanson was a friendly and fair man, but also very strict and unyielding. He reminded Gabriel of his late father in that regard, which is why he formed a special bond with that man. It was soothing to have him around, and whenever Gabriel was troubled, he knew he could rely on him. Occasionally, they even met after training and candidly talked about anything and everything. Andrew could be relentless with his words, and right now, Gabriel was pretty sure that he was about to get relentlessly scolded.

Grabbing his towel, he slowly walked over to him while drying his hair, ready for getting an earful.

"Gabe...", Swanson sighed, tousling his grey hair to release some anger before he continued. "Is everything okay at home?"

"Yes, sir."

"Any other issues? Does it have to do with your girlfriend; what was her name?"

Gabriel awkwardly scratched the back of his head, averting his gaze. 

"Rayne, but she isn't my girlfriend. However, her stepbrother moved here from Japan yesterday, and ... well, the whole situation is a bit troubling, for uh, many reasons. I didn't get much sleep."

"I see... Something serious or can you handle it?" 

"I can handle it, sir, no need to worry."

Swanson sighed again and patted Gabriel's shoulder amicably. 

"Alright, listen, that was lousy, boy. Absolutely lousy. It wasn't even mediocre but embarrassing, which is why you'll use the weekend to clear your head and get yourself together. If I see the same horseshit on Monday, you'll stay two more hours for extra training, every day, for the whole week. Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

Due to his standards, coach Swanson was often quite displeased with his student's performances but cared enough about all of them to always ask about their wellbeing before scolding them. _'The smallest quarrel can crush someone if they already carry a heavy burden.'_ That's what he always said and why he made sure his students were in good mental condition. That was a scrap of comfort, at least, but didn't prevent Gabriel from feeling glum. He knew why his performance was so dreadful today, but he didn't know how to solve the issue. 

Since Ichiro set foot into the Gainsborough mansion, Rayne's attitude completely changed, and not for the better. He didn't even know that she had this side on her, and he wished he would have never learned about it. 

And to make it worse; amongst other things, the interest Gabriel showed in her stepbrother was clearly also of sexual nature. 

"Boy, stop spacing out! And stop looking like a depressed puppy, alright? Go home and have a nice weekend. Relax and have some fun for a change."

Gabriel flinched a little when Andrew's loud voice suddenly pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Ah, yes, sure. Again, I'm sorry, coach. I'll make sure to perform well as usual next week. See you on Monday."

While Gabriel slowly walked along the pool, he watched some other students starting their training. Freestyle and butterfly swimmers, two of them his friends; the brothers Darius and Daryl Nowak. Darius, the older one, just came back from an exchange year in Europe and had to undergo stricter training for a while, which is why he also partook in Daryl's for now.

Usually, Gabriel would stop by for a short chat, but today, he didn't feel like it. Casually waving in their direction as they gracefully dived into the water, one after another, he headed straight to the locker room. His mind was already wandering to a specific Gainsborough mansion resident again. Questioning his sexuality was the last thing he needed right now, but, apparently, inevitable. He knew that Darius Nowak was openly gay and even had a boyfriend; he met him once. A pretty laid-back and slightly weird guy with bleached hair.

Gabriel huffed in amusement at that memory.

_He really was weird._

Maybe he should send Darius a message later. He could give some helpful pieces of advice and loosen some knots in Gabriel's head.

✵✵✵

"What are _you_ doing here?" Rayne glared at him as she looked up from her magazine."

"Um, I said yesterday that I'd come over today?" Confused, Gabriel fiddled with his key ring, still standing in the archway. 

Rayne sat at the kitchen counter, her attitude hostile as she addressed him again.

"Yeah, that was before you rejected me, remember? Also, it's pretty late already."

_Is she kidding me? She's pissed because I chose to go home to help mum over staying with her?_

"Rayne, it's not even ten, and I told you why I had to go, right? You've messed up my whole schedule when you ordered me to come here yesterday. Grandma wasn't home and Ava —."

"It's not my fault that you come to the rescue whenever someone demands your attention. You could've said no.", she cut him off harshly, her gaze dropping back down at her magazine.

_Yeah, and you would've been pissed anyway._

Scratching his temple with a key, Gabriel sighed defeatedly.

"Want me to go?"

"Oh, Gabriel, good evening."

Ichiro's calm and friendly voice echoed through the hall before Rayne could answer.

Gabriel turned around and watched him slowly walking down the steps. The Japanese's gaze was fixed on his sleeve, as he was buttoning it up, and Gabriel used that moment to check him out. He was dressed in black from head to toe, accentuated with a gold-patterned, tailored waistcoat and matching tie. His lace-up boots gave the outfit a unique touch, and the plaited hair highlighted his gorgeous face. 

Ichiro smiled as he locked eyes with Gabriel - who had to remember himself to keep breathing.

_Christ, why does he have to be so beautiful, and why does it have to make me feel so weird? Help._

He quickly cleared his throat and reciprocated the smile.

"Ichiro, hi! Um wow, you look fan—, err ... cool outfit. Do you have a date or something?" He laughed nervously, casually side-stepping into the dimly lit corner to conceal his blushing face.

Ichiro smirked, stared at the ground and started fidgeting with hands. "Yeah, no, not exactly. It's my birthday, you know? So I thought of visiting the _Baroq House_ for a few drinks."

_What? His birthday, seriously? Wow, this is so embarrassing._

Frowning, Gabriel turned his head. "Rayne, why haven't you said anything? We could've organised something."

Stunned into silence, the young woman stared wide-eyed at her stepbrother, mortified. Ichiro held her gaze with an indifferent expression while patting Gabriel's shoulder.

"Don't worry, it's okay. I'm sure my sister simply forgot about it. You two can join me if you like, though."

"YES!" Lightning-fast, Rayne was at her feet and whirled through the kitchen like a tornado.

"Wait, wait, wait, I have to go change first! There's a dress code, you know? Ah, you sure know.", she sized her brother up. "That's why you're dressed like that. Whatever! It won't take long, so, wait for me! The _Baroq House_ , AWESOME!"

Rayne vanished in the hallway, the door to her room slammed shut shortly after.

"What the hell was that?" Ichiro asked baffled, still staring at the archway where his sister ran through.

"Well, that's an excited Rayne, for you.", Gabriel laughed, turned on his heels and glanced back at the young man. "I'll drive home to change as well. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes to pick you two up. Thank you for inviting us to join you, Ichiro. In exchange, I'll be the one who pays for your drinks tonight. Please, allow me that much. It's your birthday, after all."

Ichiro sat down at the counter, his expression was slightly troubled. "Usually, I prefer to pay for myself, but I appreciate the thought and don't want to reject your kindness. If it's for my birthday, I'm okay with it. Oh, and you can call me Ichi if you want. All my friends do." A warm smile spread across his face and set Gabriel's heart aflutter.

_Does that mean he considers me a friend? He likes me enough to let me call him by his nickname? Does he like me? He likes me. Sheesh, my heart..._

"Ichi... okay ... sounds nice.", he muttered under his breath. "Then... See you soon, Ichi. I'll be quick."

✵✵✵

Loud and bass-heavy RnB sounds filled the room as the trio traversed the spacious area, and Gabriel let his eyes wander. To simply describe the _Baroq House_ as fancy would be an understatement, as the club's golden aesthetic was ridiculously luxurious. The whole interior was so extravagant and posh that he was almost afraid to touch anything. 

Industrial brick walls, partially mirrored, long and heavy curtains, beautifully draped in several archways to serve as visual covers for some cosy-looking sitting booths. Additionally, various comfortable seating areas with big sofas and numerous bar tables surrounded the dance floor. 

The long bar with a fancy-looking marble surface and impressive shelved wall, filled with expensive liquors from floor to ceiling, completed the picture. And as Gabriel looked up, he was met with another unusual sight. The high ceiling was covered with a very elaborate and unique lighting system that looked like a sea of golden swirls and waves. The ambient light was dimmed, just enough to immerse the room in a glossy and sensual atmosphere. And this sensual atmosphere was tailor-made for the man in front of him. 

Ichiro swayed his hips to dodge physical contact while weaving through the crowds, one hand at the lower back of his sister to safely escort her to their place. The siblings were far from being friends, let alone call each other family. Nonetheless, Ichiro always tried to calm the waves and swallowed his pride as well as anger to keep it reasonably harmonious.

Whereas Rayne suddenly behaved like a troll. 

They couldn't be any more different, but Gabriel had to admit that they looked good together, as they both chose outfits that matched with the club's aesthetics. Rayne changed into a short, black tube dress with a broad golden belt and black high heels. Wearing her hair in an updo, she had added a big golden flower in the back. 

She looked beautiful, that was beyond debate, but her brother stole the show from her. And apparently, Gabriel wasn't the only one who thought so, as he noticed how people glanced at Ichiro, turned their heads, even.

Compared to the fashionable siblings, Gabriel thought he looked like their bodyguard, as he chose to wear black jeans, a tight black turtleneck and a tailored black jacket. Maybe that was the reason why some people stared weirdly at him.

Finally, they reached the empty booth and placed their drinks on the table, right next to a big tray with dozens of already filled shot glasses. Gabriel sat down on the lounge, secretly hoping for Ichiro to sit next to him, but Rayne prevented that from happening. Sighing, she slumped down, and her brother chose the armchair across from them.

Taking a sip from her cocktail, Rayne watched the Japanese for a short while. "I still don't understand why you reserved this booth when you initially planned to go alone.", she stated loudly to drown out the music.

"Because I like company and loud music, but actually don't enjoy crowds. I didn't want to be alone today, but I also wanted to have my peace. A booth all for myself in a crowded club is a perfect mix."

"You're a weirdo.", she chuckled, still staring at Ichiro, but he simply shrugged his shoulders and let his eyes wander.

They sipped their drinks in silence for a while, each of them watching the people around dancing and lavishly spending money until Rayne obviously had enough.

"Gosh! This is lame, guys!" She rummaged through her purse and slammed her lipstick on the table. "Let's play truth or dare - drinking edition! Every time you refuse to answer or do something, you'll have to down a shot!"

"Are you serious?" Gabriel and Ichiro groaned in unison.

"Of course, I am! I ask first!" She twirled the lipstick around, excitedly wriggling on her seat.

They played several rounds without neither of them refusing a task or an answer when Rayne got visibly annoyed. She pouted and grabbed the lipstick, as it was her turn again. Suddenly, she smirked mischievously and broke into a wide grin as the make-up accessory's cap pointed at her brother.

"Dare", he sighed in response while reciprocating Rayne's excited expression with nothing but a deadpan stare.

"Kiss Gabriel. Oh! Use your freaky tongue! Gabe, you _must_ see his tongue!"

So far, it was all fun and games, but now, Gabriel could feel the blood draining from his face. He stared at Rayne, at a loss for words. Meanwhile, his mind went haywire. 

He wouldn't mind kissing a guy; it's a peck, nothing more. Easy. But the mere idea of kissing Ichiro was dreadful, as the beautiful man already turned his emotional world into pure chaos by doing nothing more than existing. Thinking about his tongue alone already caused his blood to rush down south. There was no way Gabriel would be able to play it cool. Ichiro would notice it, Rayne would, everyone would.

_I'm doomed._

Cold sweat started to run down his spine as Ichiro's calm voice broke the tense silence.

"Things like that involve another person, therefore should be consensual, you know? Even if meant as a joke, stop dragging your friend into this. It's alright if you want to prank me, but keep Gabriel out of it." 

The way he said it left no room for discussion, even Rayne realised as much. Grimacing, she got up from her seat and went to the dance floor.

The rest of the evening went off well. Rayne met some friends and kept spending most of the time on the dance floor whereas Gabriel and Ichiro talked about anything and everything. About Ichiro dropping his architecture study because he wanted to paint and study art instead. About Gabriel's swimming career and his plans to qualify for the Olympics. About their taste in music, their favourite foods, video games, everything. 

At one point, Ichiro even sat down next to him, so they haven't had to keep shouting at one another. Gabriel's heart was full, and he got lost in those hauntingly beautiful eyes while they never ran out of topics and downed one shot after another. 

Apparently, time flew by, as it was almost four in the morning when Rayne tapped his shoulder.

"Let's go hooome, my feet hurt... Jesus Christ, did you two kill the whole tray? Aight, whatever...", she fished her phone out of her handbag and slumped down in the armchair. "Gosh, I'm tired. And tipsy... I'll call a taxi, yeah?"

The men didn't object, and they slowly made their way to the entrance. 

A sudden wave of dizziness ran through Gabriel's body and forced him to halt for a brief moment.

_Great, my blood circulation finally decides to spread the alcohol, huh?_

He took a deep breath, but that only worsened it. Stealing a glance at Ichiro, Gabriel noticed that he must feel similar, as he was ashen-faced. The Japanese turned to look at him, a strained toothy grin on his lips.

Gabriel couldn't help but laugh while reaching for him to support him on their way out.

Ichiro fell asleep right after they got into the taxi. Meanwhile, Gabriel struggled to keep the contents of his stomach in their place. Internally cursing the man next to him for his reckless driving, he made a decision and turned around to face the backseat.

"Rayne, I'll crash at your place tonight. Neither can I keep sitting in this car any longer than necessary, nor am I able to walk home. Feels like I'm close to death."

"That's your punishment for barely ever drinking anything, huh?" she laughed derisively. "I was surprised that you made an exception today. Poor Gabe... I bet you're feeling miserable as hell." 

"Well, yeah."

"Serves you right." She laughed again and closed her eyes. "Don't think I'll make breakfast for you or anything."

"Sir, your shaking is obviously futile, and I'm in a hurry, my clients are waiting, so... Could you just, dunno, try something freaky like grabbing and carrying him?", the taxi driver asked sarcastically. Impatiently drumming his fingers on the car's roof, he glared at Gabriel, who sighed in response.

"Well, seems like I don't have a choice, right?" 

He carefully pulled the still sleeping Ichiro out of the taxi and barely had him in his arms as the driver already shut the door. 

_Rude much?_

Gabriel sighed anew while pressing Rayne's brother against his chest as the revving engine made him flinch in his sleep. Ichiro unconsciously snuggled up to him, causing Gabriel's heart to race, and his cheeks to flush.

Luckily, Rayne was already about to leave and didn't notice.

"I can't do anything anyway, so I'll go to bed. Nighty-night." Shoes in her hand, she waved lazily, yawned, and shuffled into the house.

_Geez, she can be so inconsiderate..._

Adjusting his grip, he slowly followed her inside, already cursing the foyer's staircase.

✵✵✵

Climbing the steps, turning on the lights, and opening the door to Ichiro's room was not only a feat but an acrobatic one, as Gabriel only used his feet. Drunk. With a human being in his arms.

He was pretty proud of himself; until he stumbled as he was about to turn on the light in Ichiro's room. He dropped the poor guy ruggedly onto his bed, landed on top of him, and immediately pressed all air audibly out of Ichiro's lungs.

_Ohmyfuckingod, no! I bet he'll have to vomit instantly. Ah, shit!_

Gabriel quickly got up on all four, ready to prevent whatever might happen next. However, Ichiro simply opened his eyes and stared at him, slightly grimacing.

"Gabriel... Ouch... That was ... Ah, well ... A quite unique way to wake someone up, I guess." He slowly rubbed his stomach and chest while chuckling lightly. "I'm okay, don't worry."

"Thank, God. I'm so sorry, seriously."

Finally, the tension left Gabriel's body, and while heaving a deep breath, he slumped down next to the Japanese and rolled onto his back. 

"I'm sorry, gimme a minute, please. That was quite the shock."

"Yeah, no rush. Are you staying overnight?" 

"Mhm. Too drunk and too lazy to move. I'll jog to the club in the morning to get my car."

Ichiro rolled over, propped his head on his hand and started laughing. "You sure about that? Sounds a bit too optimistic for someone in your condition."

"I'll have you know that my condition is perfectly fine, sir."

"Yeah? I bet you see the ceiling spinning."

"I don't." He chuckled and nervously cleared his throat after. 

He felt Ichiro's gaze on him, could see his beautiful features from the corner of his eye, faintly illuminated by the dawn's light that hid behind curtains.

Suddenly, Gabriel became aware of the whole situation. He was laying in a guy's bed, in the middle of the night. And it wasn't just any guy, but Ichiro. Immediately, he felt the sexual tension in the air, felt that Ichiro was waiting for something. But what? His heart started to race again, and he prayed that the Japanese couldn't hear it. What should he do, simply get up and leave? Should he roll over to face him and see what happens? Would Ichiro think he's weird for doing so?

_Fuck it, I'm drunk anyway. Perfect excuse if it's getting awkward._

He rolled over to the side, and Ichiro's face, which was _so_ close now, instantly lighted up in a gentle smile.

"Why, hello there, perfectly-fine sir.", he teased, and Gabriel laughed in response.

"Don't act as if you're sober. You had far more than me."

An agreeing hum left those plushy and quite kissable-looking lips. 

_The kiss._

Gabriel remembered what happened in the club. Actually, he remembered what _didn't_ happen, and his eyes quickly darted back to Ichiro's; in the darkness, the ice-blue almost looked like the water.

"Yeah, like water. So beautiful. I love water", Gabriel whispered in awe, not even realising that he was saying it out loud. 

Ichiro smiled, baring his pointy teeth, reminding Gabriel of what he wanted to say.

"Ichi, um... You know... About earlier...", he averted his gaze once more. "It wouldn't have bothered me."

"What wouldn't have bothered you, Gabriel?" His voice was low, still slightly teasing, but also kind of sultry, and Gabriel had a hunch that his counterpart was fully aware of what he was talking about.

He looked back at him, stared into his eyes while his heart furiously hammered in his chest.

"The kiss. The kiss wouldn't have bothered me."

_There, I said it. God, please, kill me. What the hell am I even doing?_

Ichiro silently stared at him, and it felt like torture.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any—" Those plushy and kissable-looking lips suddenly kissed him for real; softly cutting him off in mid-sentence. 

It was just a fraction of a moment, but enough to turn his whole world upside down. He felt his blood blazingly fast rushing through his body, Ichiro's gaze at him, uncertain, but full of desire. 

Desire.

He stopped thinking, slid a hand around Ichiro's neck and pulled him back in, hesitantly pecking him once, twice, unsure of how to proceed. 

_Shit, what am I doing? Maybe he doesn't want it! Oh God, am I sexually harassing him?_

Gabriel tensed up and was about to panic when Ichiro's teeth gently trapped his bottom lip for a short moment.

"Relax, it's okay. Everything is perfectly fine. You call the shots, and I'll gladly go along." His voice was low and alluring, but also soothing and reassuring, making Gabriel calm down immediately.

_... I call the shots. It's consensual, and he wants me to continue — wait a minute... He wants me? Ichiro wants me..._

Gabriel's lips twitched into a faint smile about that realisation, and a funny sensation started to bloom in the pit of his stomach. 

Almost simultaneously, they came together for another kiss, and this time, it was a sensual, longing one. Gabriel's lips started to tingle, and the sensation slowly spread into every fibre of his body. 

He relished it but wanted more; more of these soft lips, more of him. 

He pulled Ichiro toward his body, but he swiftly slipped out of his grip and straddled him instead.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabechirobeforekissao34jul.jpg)

"Easier this way", he breathed while guiding Gabriel's hands beneath his shirt and to his waist before he leaned down to kiss him again.

Slowly but firmly squeezing the soft and warm flesh, Gabriel sighed against his lips.

"You're a mean tease, Ichi..."

He felt him smirk in response, all while subtly grinding him, which felt amazing. Gabriel tightly grabbed the slender man's hips and pressed him deeper into his lap.

"Would you like me to use my tongue?" Ichiro's voice was husky, and his hot breath caressed Gabriel's skin as he whispered against his lips.

He didn't answer but licked Ichiro's lips instead, impatiently probing, until he let him slip in. The two soft and lithe halves quickly trapped his tongue, teased it, danced with it; the sensation was extraordinary and almost too much to bear.

In no time, Gabriel had gotten hard beneath the body on top of him. As if to acknowledge it, Ichiro gently pressed his bum to his erection, sucked on his tongue and slowly started to unbuckle his belt.

Gabriel couldn't help but softly moan into his mouth. Everything felt so good. So good that he knew he had to stop now, or he would go all the way through. 

Did he want it? Yes, absolutely. But he was drunk, and this was new to him. He shouldn't decide anything in his current state.

Once more, he pressed Ichiro firmly down into his lap. Gabriel felt the slender man's erection pressing against his lower stomach, and that made his decision even harder.

He sighed and gently grabbed Ichiro's shoulders to pull them apart. The Japanese smiled softly at him, almost as if he knew what was going on.

"Ichi... listen... I really, really like what we're doing right now, but I never did it before, you know?"

"You never did what we're doing or what we were about to do?"

"Well...", Gabriel awkwardly averted his gaze. "Um... Rayne wanted to make out a couple of times, so we kissed, but never— Uh... I never wanted to sleep with her. And I haven't slept with any other girl either. 

"Also, um... I never did anything with a guy. At all. Wow, saying it out loud makes it even more embarrassing, huh?" He turned his head away, but Ichiro gently cupped his cheeks to make him face him again.

"I assumed that you thought to be straight, but that you're a virgin is surprising, and I don't mean that negatively. You're ridiculously handsome, Mister Montgomery, and I thought you're someone who not only gets a lot of offers but also gladly benefits from them. I'm sorry for misjudging you."

_He thinks I'm handsome. Ridiculously handsome... And what was that...?_

"Wait. You think that I think that I'm straight, but actually, I'm not?"

"Sort it out," Ichiro chuckled, carefully rolling over to his side.

He placed a hand on top of Gabriel's. "Being inexperienced is nothing to be embarrassed about. You'll get there soon enough, but you should figure out which way you want to go. Don't rush things, and listen to your heart. If you're about to do something only because it's _supposed to be right,_ listen to your gut feeling and think twice _._ "

Gabriel huffed, a crooked smile on his lips. "How can you be so much more mature than me? You're only half a year older."

Ichiro chuckled and climbed off of his bed. "I'm Asian.", he winked and extended a hand. "Come, I'll take a shower, and you go to sleep, okay? Sober up, sort things out, and if you want to talk, I'm here."

Gabriel let himself help up and followed Ichiro to the hallway.

"I'm sorry for ruining everything."

"The only way you could've ruined it is if you've kept going without actually wanting it." Ichiro turned around to face him and reached for his hand to slightly squeeze it. "I like you, Gabriel, but I want you to sort things out for yourself and for no one else. That's very important. Sleep well. I'll cook you a Japanese breakfast later."

He smiled warmly, then left for the bathroom.

Gabriel remained on the spot for a while before finally making his way to the second guest room. 

While falling onto the bed, he threw his jacket on the floor, then turned around and awkwardly took off his turtleneck. The cold breeze that immediately enveloped his naked skin was a blessing. He stared at the ceiling, which was still slightly spinning. He chuckled.

_Ichiro is amazing. He's not only beautiful and smart but also funny, mature and understanding... And we have a lot in common, haven't we? And his tongue... Good grief, that tongue..._

Closing his eyes and replaying the scene that just happened before, he slowly licked his lips, savouring the faint but sweet taste Ichiro left on him.

_'Mister Montgomery' ... He even cupped my cheeks..._

He sighed longingly.

_He's showering now... I bet his pale skin looks gorgeous when it turns rosy under the hot water. Gosh, I wish I could shower with him._

_Imagine to soap that soft skin..._

He looked at his palms, slowly rubbing his thumbs across his fingertips as his blood already rushed back south again.

_..._

_Ah shit, I think I'm gay._


	4. Breakfast at Gainsborough's

Warm sunbeams tickled Gabriel's face as he woke up under an unfamiliar ceiling. Drowsily rubbing his face, he finally recognised the room and remembered the last night. Immediately, his heart began to race again as their kiss played before his inner eye, and the fluttery sensation in his stomach felt like a rollercoaster ride. Still half asleep, he reached for his phone to contact his fellow swimmer once more. Gabriel was excited but overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. He needed to talk.

While swiftly typing letter after letter, he made his way to the adjacent bathroom.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=chapter5chat185km5.jpg)

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=chapter5chat2t4k25.jpg)

His wet hair was tousled, and his skin still damp as he chucked his phone onto the bed to reach for his turtleneck. Almost instantly, Gabriel came to a halt, eyeing the black fabric warily.

_Christ, that's nasty. I can't wear this again. Reeks like club night._

Grimacing over the heavy tobacco-and-whatever smell that inhered his shirt, Gabriel threw it back on the ground and dressed in his pants only. Barefeet, and without closing the fly button, he quickly left the guestroom and made his way downstairs.

_Shouldn't be a problem to lend out one of Richard's t-shirts, right? Hm? Oh, something smells good._

He was about to enter the sun-drenched kitchen to look for Rayne but stopped in the archway instead. Smiling, Gabriel leaned against the white, wooden frame and watched the person in front of him. His back turned to him, Ichiro was cutting some cooking ingredients and softly headbanged to a loud heavy metal song that boomed through his headphones. He wore a white XXL ice hockey jersey that almost covered his entire shorts, and his hair was tied into a messy bun.

_First hot, and now cute. Geez... Get yourself a guy who can do both, huh? Wait, he isn't my guy. I don't even know how he feels about what happened last night. ... Darius said I should act normal... Okay... Shit, the longer I think about it, the more I want to run._

_On the other hand... Gently hugging him from behind, and nuzzle up against his neck to inhale his sweet scent would probably be my first choice. Haaah, alright, casual approach, huh? Here we go._

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabrielchapter5ao3tqkvq.jpg)

Gabriel sighed and pushed himself off of the doorframe, loudly addressing his best friend's stepbrother while entering the kitchen.

"Good morning, Ichi!"

The Japanese flinched, quickly removed his headphones and turned around. Gabriel wasn't sure how to interpret his expression, as his features changed from narrowed eyes and furrowed brows over wide-eyed and mouth agape to fully deadpan. 

Ichiro's gaze slowly travelled across Gabriel's body before his eyes quickly darted back up to his face.

_He was checking me out, wasn't he? Ah damn... that felt good._

Gabriel suppressed his grin, but his stomach felt all fluttery again as he addressed him anew.

"Did I startle you again? I'm sorry, but your headphones", he tapped against his head "You probably would've attacked me with that knife if I would've touched your shoulder instead."

Ichiro looked down to his hand, turned the knife a few times, locked eyes with Gabriel again and shrugged his shoulders. "Probably."

"Pfff, and here I thought you'd despise violence."

"Yeah, but I'm a big fan of self-defence, you know?"

They grinned at each other, but Ichiro's brow quickly switched back into a frown.

"Gabriel... Why are you naked?"

"Wha—?, Mate, I'm not naked, I wear less when I train. Anyway, I was looking for your sister. My turtleneck smells like the entire _Baroq House_ , and I wanted to borrow a t-shirt from Rayne's step— uh, from your dad."

The Japanese nodded and placed the knife on the counter before vanishing through the right archway.

"Mate, wrong hallway, her room is on the left."

"She isn't home!" Ichiro shouted. His voice was muffled, and Gabriel could hear him rummaging through whatever was at the back of the corridor.

"And where did she go?" 

Rayne's brother didn't answer, but a few seconds later, he appeared back in the kitchen and shoved a grey t-shirt against Gabriel's chest. Lightly pressing his fingertips into the swimmer's firm pecs, he looked up and locked eyes with him.

"Hairdresser's appointment and brunch with someone called Kim after. She left about half an hour ago." He inclined his head. "Your hair..."

"Hm?" Gabriel's eyes quickly darted up to his bangs and back to Ichiro. "Oh, yeah, sorry. It always looks a bit weird after a shower."

"I like it."

"You like it?"

"Mmmh... suits you well."

_I'm dying. We're alone, I'm alone with Ichiro. He's touching me, and he complimented me. So ... this means something, right? Alright, cool, cool, cool. Everything's fine._

"Breakfast?"

"Hm?"

Grinning, Ichiro let his hand fall back to his side and walked over to the kitchen unit.

"I told you I would cook a Japanese breakfast, so... Are you hungry?" 

"Y-yeah... Can I help you with anything?"

"No, just sit down, please."

_Thank God. I'd probably get a boner just from standing next to you._

Hastily putting on the shirt, Gabriel took a seat at the counter while Ichiro continued preparing the dishes. 

He side-eyed the swimmer and smiled bashfully.

"So, uh... I went shopping yesterday. I wanted to buy a bunch of typical Japanese ingredients because I don't want to give up on my eating habits. However, your supermarkets are stocked differently, and I couldn't get more than some basics, so, the breakfast is a bit plain, I'm sorry."

_Is he serious? Geez, I would be happy about old bread if he's the one serving it._

"Ichi, you're cooking for me. That's already more than I expected, and I'm very grateful for it, okay?"

The Japanese sighed in response, placed a tray in the middle of the counter and handed Gabriel a pair of chopsticks.

"Omelette, Miso soup, rice, and steamed vegetables.", he pointed at every bowl, sat down and clapped his hands together.

"Itadakimasu!"

_Gosh, how cute._

"Itada— what?"

Reaching for the Miso soup, Ichiro huffed in amusement. "Itadakimasu. You'd best translate it to 'Let's eat!' or 'Thank's for the meal!', I guess."

"Oh..." Gabriel stared at the food, then back at him. "Ita-da-ki-maaas!"

"That wasn't bad ... and kinda cute", Ichiro added in a small voice before covering his blushing face with his soup bowl.

_He called me cute. And he's blushing. Christ, how am I supposed to keep my cool around him? Man, I just want to lean over, untie his hair and kiss those soft lips. ... Fuck ... I should say something, or it'll get awkward._

So, uh... It's Saturday... I just have to stop at home to get some fresh clothes, but other than that, I'm free. Erm, how about I pick you up afterwards, and we go shopping? I know at least two Asian supermarkets we could visit, so you can buy everything you need. Oh, and we could go to a restaurant or café afterwards for lunch. And I can show you around if you like."

_Oh dang, sounds a bit like a date, doesn't it? Naaaah, it's just a casual stroll through town and a bit of sightseeing._

Ichiro inclined his head and narrowed his eyes as he fixed his gaze on Gabriel.

"Is this your way of asking me out, Mister Montgomery?" he asked in a low voice, a smirk on his lips.

_Shit. Of course, he's teasing me now, but two can play that game, Ichi._

"Does it sound that way?"

"Mmmh, kind of."

Gabriel leaned forward, still holding his counterparts gaze.

"Well, then... Yes, I'm asking you out." In a low voice as sweet as honey, he continued. "Ichiro St. James, will you go on a date with me?" 

Fiercely blushing, Ichiro averted his gaze and cleared his throat.

"S-sure."

Gabriel smiled triumphantly, leaned back and started eating.

_Guess, I won this round. I mean, my heart is about to explode, but it was definitely worth it._

✵✵✵

It was already afternoon as Gabe and Ichiro made a quick stop at the underground parking to store their groceries in the car. On their way back to the shopping parade in search of a café, Ichiro stopped in his tracks and quickly checked his wallet. 

"Could we visit a bank before? I need to exchange money."

Gabriel was about to interject that he asked him out, therefore would pay the bill, but then remembered that Ichiro preferred to pay for himself.

"Sure thing. There's one up the road, which is convenient because my favourite sports shop is on the other side of the street. I wanted to look for a new pair of goggles."

"Alright, then let's go, I'm getting hungry." Ichiro's voice was strained, and with a clenched jaw and furrowed brow, he briskly walked off. 

The shopping parade was swamped with people. The weather was great, and it was the weekend, wherefore many families were out for a stroll, and almost every restaurant's and café's outdoor area was full to bursting.

Gabriel quickly caught up to him and watched him for a while before he decided to address him.

"Ichi, are you alright?"

"Hm? I'm sorry, what?" 

He looked stressed, and his beautiful blue eyes seemed vacant; Gabriel had to suppress the sudden urge to hug him.

_Christ, he looks like a haunted deer._

"Okay, you're clearly not alright."

"No, I'm sorry. Crowds are freaking me out and make me anxious. I can handle it better when I'm familiar with the area, but everything's new, and I just feel totally lost." A strained smile on his lips, he looked apologetically at his companion, and Gabriel's wish to protect him intensified.

"Thank you for being so honest. Let's go over to the side, there are far fewer people", he stated in a low voice while gently taking hold of Ichiro's shoulder.

Gabriel guided and shielded him the entire way, weaving deftly through oncoming people until they finally arrived at the bank. Letting out a long sigh, Ichiro quickly squeezed Gabe's hand and immediately took a step back.

"Thank you. That was very considerate of you, I appreciate it. Albeit it's pretty embarrassing to show this weak side of me", he added in a small voice, staring past Gabriel at nothing in particular.

"Mate, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. You're sensitive to your surroundings, that's actually a good thing. I bet you're pretty perceptive."

Ichiro looked back at him, watched him for a moment and then averted his gaze with a smile on his lips. His cheeks started to blush as he was about to turn around.

"You're a nice guy, Mister Montgomery. Alright, I'll hurry. You can wait in that sports shop if you want; I'll come over when I'm done."

Without waiting for a reaction, Ichiro entered the building through a heavy revolving door, and Gabriel sighed, following him with his eyes until he was out of sight.

As he made his way across the street, two familiar faces left the shop; the Nowak brothers. Gabriel's friends were good-looking guys with an extraordinary ancestry, as their father was of Polish origin and their mother Melanesian. And thanks to those Melanesian roots, Daryl's appearance was pretty unique. The nineteen-year-old had Hazel-eyes, blonde, wavy hair, and dark brown skin with a cool jewel undertone; whereas his brother's looks were entirely different. Darius, who was five years older than his brother, came more after his dad. Straight, black hair, grey eyes, freckles, and lighter skin with a warm, reddish undertone. 

The brothers were popular with the girls, although Darius didn't care about it since he was in a long-term relationship with his boyfriend. Daryl, on the other hand, saw a new girl almost every month; watching him organising his training schedule and dates was already exhausting to Gabriel.

"Gabe..." Darius arched a brow. "Today of all days. What a weird coincidence."

"Yo, Gabriel, what's up?" Daryl greeted him cheerfully with a toothy grin.

"What are you two doing here? Haven't you just recently bought new swim trunks?"

"Yeah, but nanna was visiting the other day, and gave us some little extra money: We just checked out some of the new bathing cap models. Oh, excuse me." Daryl pulled out his vibrating phone and addressed his brother right after. 

"Zuri is waiting, gotta go, bro."

Darius smirked and shook his head in response while Gabriel furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Who's Zuri? Weren't you dating a Layla?"

"Yeah, that was last month, therefore a long time ago," he laughed, and Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Mate... Ah, whatever, have fun. See you on Monday."

"Yup, have a nice weekend, mate, and see you tomorrow, bro." Leaving the scene, Daryl winked at his brother, who crossed his arms in annoyance. "Use condoms, you gremlin."

Turning his gaze back to Gabriel, Darius smirked.

"So?"

_And here we go._

"What?"

"Well... How was your day?" he asked in a teasing tone, his grin widening mischievously.

"Pretty good. Actually, Ichi is with me right—"

"Holy...", Darius cut him off, whistling while looking past him.

"That guy's smokin' hot."

"What the hell, man?" Irritated, Gabriel turned around to look at the person who involuntarily elicited his friend's rude behaviour.

Ichiro was standing in front of the bank, smiled as he spotted Gabriel and started walking over to the two men.

Darius quickly made the connection and watched his friend in astonishment.

"No way! Are you kidding me? That's him? I didn't know he's Asian. Christ, he has blue eyes."

A pleased smile spread across Gabriel's features while he was still holding Ichiro's gaze.

"He's from Japan, his mother is Japanese; what else should he be?"

"Welp... That explains a lot, actually."

"Moron." 

"Fuck you. Are you introducing me? Introduce me. Don't you dare to scram, mate, I'll chase you if I have to."

Gabriel laughed at the desperate plea and took a few steps towards Ichiro.

"Hey, um, I'd like to introduce you to a good friend if you don't mind."

Glancing at the smirking Darius, who inclined his head as he met the Japanese's gaze, Ichiro smiled in confusion and locked eyes with Gabriel again. "Sure." He walked over, extended his hand and bowed. "St. James, Ichiro. Nice to meet you."

"Wow, even his manners are flawless, huh? Hi, Ichiro, welcome to Australia. I'm Darius Nowak, also a competitive swimmer, and Gabe's friend. It's nice to make your acquaintance." Darius smiled and shook his counterpart's hand before crossing his arms again. Alternately eyeing the guys, he smirked meaningfully. 

"What?" Gabriel asked in an annoyed tone and Darius' grin widened.

"Ah, nothing... It's just... You two sure became, uh, fast friends, huh?"

"Yeah, love at first sight," Ichiro stated with an indifferent expression and made Darius laugh out loud.

Gabriel's heart almost stopped over Ichiro's statement.

_Why the hell is he wording it that way? Does it mean something? Is he teasing Darius? Oh, God, I'll die. Please, someone, help me._

"Hey, Ichi - can I call you Ichi?"

"No." Ichiro grinned, and Darius arched a brow. "Whoa, Mate, you have amazing teeth. That looks awesome." He pointed at his own canine, and in response, Ichiro unconsciously glided his tongue across his fang. "Thanks."

Darius' eyes widened at that sight, and his gaze quickly darted over to his friend.

"Ga-bri-el... Ma boi", he grinned mischievously. "Now, I get it, you naughty bastard."

_Christ, Darius. Just keep your mouth shut for once._

Gabriel closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, frantically thinking about how to dissolve this unpleasant situation.

"You know what he's struggling with, don't you?" Ichiro suddenly stated in a deadpan voice.

Darius frowned, fixing his gaze on his friend's companion. "Wha— Yes, why? How do you know?"

"It's not hard to put one and one together. However, when a friend reaches out to you because he considers you trustworthy enough to confide in you, don't you think you should take him seriously? Stop making him feel uncomfortable — you act like a prick and not like a friend, Darius."

_Shit, what's suddenly happening?_

Gabriel's whole body tensed as Darius quietly watched Ichiro for a short moment, but then, he smiled genuinely. "Right you are, Ichiro, and I apologise for my thoughtless behaviour. Sometimes, my teasing goes a bit overboard. I'm sorry, Gabe; I didn't mean to put you on the spot, mate."

"At least, you're taking responsibility for it," Ichiro snarled and averted his gaze.

_Whew. Christ. Time to get this over with!_

"You know, Darius actually is a good guy, but he has his mind in the gutter, so, please, don't worry too much about it, Ichi." Gabriel ignored his friend's loud laughter that followed his statement. "Wanna go? You said you're hungry."

"Yeah, sure. See you around, _actually good guy_ Darius — if you prove yourself, I mean." Waving, Ichiro turned around and walked a bit ahead.

"Ahahaha, byeeee! Let's all go on a pub tour soon!"

"That was unnecessary, you fucktard", Gabriel hissed through his teeth while lightly punching his friend's shoulder.

"Ooow... I was just teasing! He's a good catch, mate. Oh, hey! Bring him along tomorrow!" Darius whispered, but instead of vocalising an answer, Gabe shot him a death glare instead. 

"Aight, killjoy", he pouted. "Run along, then, cruel friend. Oh, and the condom rule applies to you as well, mate."

"Ah, shut the hell up. See you tomorrow." 

Darius laughed again while Gabriel caught up to Ichiro.

He knew his friend would watch them with a dumb smirk on his face until they were around the corner. And he also knew that he would have to answer a lot of annoying questions the next day.


	5. Acceptance

"Beer?"

"Mate, our training starts at eight."

"Bruh... What are you, a mum? 

"Nah, only reasonable."

Darius rolled his eyes. "Reasonable? You meant _boring_ for sure." Imitating a butler's pose, he continued in a British accent. "Shall I serve some tea instead, sir?"

"A simple glass of water is fine, you prick," Gabriel laughed and made himself at home.

Darius' room was chic and cosy, and the interior absolutely not what you would expect from him. Claret-coloured wallpaper with floral ornaments, dark, wooden furniture in victorian style, one wall fully covered by an impressive-looking floor to ceiling bookshelf. Long, heavy curtains, several framed paintings and old wall lamps completed the aesthetic. Every time Gabriel was visiting him, he felt like entering the set of a 19th-century vampire movie. Darius' father was an antique dealer, and their whole house was basically a copy of his shop. They even had a gramophone and used it frequently. The Nowak family was as unique as their interior style, and Gabriel loved being with them.

Darius sat down again, grabbed a small water bottle from beneath the table and placed it on its surface.

"Maaaan, I wanted to say 'spill the tea, sis', but now you've ruined the joke with wanting dumb water."

"Are you kidding me? Calling me a mum while cracking the corniest dad jokes? Get lost."

Both men started laughing, but Darius quickly stopped, leaned forward and watched his friend through narrowed eyes.

"So, for real now. Let me know what's goin' on, mate."

Tousling his hair, Gabriel took a deep breath. " What's going on ... yeah ... good question. I don't know where to start."

"Easy. At the beginning, obviously. You've said that you were immediately blown away by Ichiro, right? Tell me about your first encounter."

"Well, yes, that was weird. Ichi didn't hear me coming, was startled as I addressed him, and stumbled down from a stool. I caught and held him like we were in a freaking Disney movie, and to cap it all, he wore a pretty revealing outfit that totally threw me off. I accidentally touched his bare skin, and it was _so_ soft, Jesus." 

A smirk on his lips, Darius arched a brow, leaned back and crossed his arms. "Do me a favour, please, explain what you mean when you say _revealing._ "

"Well... He wore a shredded turtleneck crop top, and his pants were so low that I could almost see his ... you know? And ... and a collar. He wore a tight, black leather collar."

Darius closed his eyes and sighed. "Man, that must've been an exquisite sight. That guy looks like a fancy five-course meal, and the way he styles himself accentuates all his striking features. He's gorgeous, I can totally understand that he managed to flip your mind upside down."

Gabriel huffed. "Well, it actually felt more like someone had hit me with a bus. I was unable to comprehend what happened to me, and damn, I sure said some weird things because I was so nervous and confused."

Darius chuckled and fixed his gaze back on Gabriel. "Aside from the very apparent physical attraction you feel; what about the rest?"

"As I said before, he's amazing. I mean it. We were in tune right from the start. We share a lot of interests, but the best thing is that we can talk so easily. No matter what I say, he responds respectfully and genuinely. He makes me feel like I can tell him anything without feeling embarrassed and without being judged."

"That sounds great, seriously. Good communication flow is super important", Darius states.

"I know, that's why I'm so glad. Ichi is so ... I can't put it into words, but it's like we know each other for years already. He's so easy to get along with, and his presence is super calming. I love being near him, and if he isn't around, I'm thinking about him. He makes my mind foggy; I even forgot about Rayne being part of one of our conversations once. Total tunnel view when he's around. It's kinda absurd. I know Rayne for about twelve years and Ichi since freaking Thursday. It's like his presence pushes everything else out of my head." Gabriel sighed and rubbed his face.

Meanwhile, a warm smile spread across his friend's face. He patted Gabriel's knee reassuringly.

"Mate... That totally sounds like a cliché love at first sight-story. Awfully sweet; I stan. 

"Tell me how you feel about it being a man you're interested in. Have you come to terms with it?"

"Mhm..." Gabriel looked back at him. "I pondered over it a lot while researching tons of LGBT stuff. I think I can say that I'm gay without freaking myself out anymore, although I still don't know why I never was attracted to anyone else before. And my relationship with Rayne - well, there's something off, that's for sure, and the more I think about it, the weirder it gets." 

He frowns, lost in a thought which he quickly shakes off again. "Anyway! Even if it sounds ridiculous, I definitely have genuine, romantic feelings for Ichiro, although I barely know anything about him yet. I want to get close to him, and I want to be open about it."

Darius took a deep breath and inclined his head. His expression was sombre as he watched his friend for a moment.

"Okay mate, real talk, and this ain't a pleasant one. Are you sure about that? Don't you think you should get used to it first before rushing things? We're talking about your coming out, Gabe. That's a pretty huge step that could, and probably _will_ change a lot for you pretty quickly, and in some circumstances not for the better. 

"You're a handsome, young, white athlete, popular with people because you simply are of pleasant nature, and successful in what you're doing. You're basically the embodiment of what society pictures as ideal and worthwhile. 

"In your current state, you can reach every goal you set for yourself, but if you decide to come out, not everyone will take it positively. You'll get backlash, people will turn their backs on you, opportunities might shrink, requests get denied. You'll constantly have to face discrimination due to your sexual orientation; could you deal with that?"

Gabriel finished his water bottle and faced his friend with a resolute expression.

"Of course. I am who I am, and that's how I've always presented myself. I definitely won't start to hide a part of me now just because ignorant people could be upset by it. It's not other people's place to determine whom I'm allowed to like, and I won't let them define my life choices."

Darius broke into a wide grin. "Ma boi, that's the right attitude, I'm so proud of you, c'mere", he pulled Gabriel into a tight hug. "Love you, mate. I hope Ichiro feels the same way about you, and that you two will become a thing. 

"And now let's talk about that wicked tongue of your beloved. Tell me _everything_."

✵✵✵

_Wednesday, 6.11.19_

_Hi._

_Look at me, suddenly taking this journal thing seriously... I feel like shit today, and as usual, there's no one I could talk to, so... Guess you're my friend now._

_Anyway, I'm nervous because dad and Claire come home today. It's past 10pm, so they should be on their way here already. Rayne picked them up._

_It's been a year since I last saw dad in person. He has no idea what happened in the past months. How I've changed, how people treated me... And whenever he requested a pic, I've sent him an old one, so I guess he'll be shocked about my appearance, but I didn't want to explain anything on the phone beforehand. The whole thing is too fucked up for a phone conversation._

_I also want to finally tell him that I'm bisexual. It's about time, I guess._

_I never had a problem admitting it to strangers or whatever, but with family, it's different, although I think dad won't reject me. Well, that's what I'm hoping for... At least, I'm sure that he won't beat me up as mum did._

_My stomach churns..._

_I lied. I'm not plain nervous but scared as fuck that I get rejected again._

_Am I really that pathetic, rotten and disgusting? A failure? A disgrace? Something to be ashamed of?_

_She told them that my attempt was successful, ignored my cry for help, and chose to use it to get rid of me instead. All because she was ashamed of me._

_So many years, I obeyed and tried my best, did everything I could, let mum erase my identity to mould me after her ideals, and it still wasn't enough._

_I just want to be accepted for who I am. I want to be loved. Is that really too much to ask for?_

_On my first day here, I met someone. I couldn't write about him before, as it messed with my head because he's, in fact, the exact opposite of what I've experienced my whole life._

_His name is Gabriel, like the archangel, and that suits him so well, as he even looks like one. He's incredibly handsome and charismatic, tall and blessed with a god-like physique, but it's his personality that makes him shine the most._

_He's kind, pure, caring and sincere, and he treats me respectfully and equally. Gabriel apologised for accidentally touching me. That's ... that was new._

_And he said that I'm beautiful... On my birthday, we kissed. He was holding me gently, always checking for consent. It was genuine and felt heavenly, and he even backed out as I was about to tip into old habits; that never happened before._

_For the first time, it feels like someone is genuinely interested in me._

_I think Gabriel wouldn't see me like a trophy or achievement if we ..._

_Man, I'm so drawn to him, it's ridiculous. But he's everything I always yearned for before I gave up on it and accepted what was offered. That's why I'm already almost too attached to him, as he's unknowingly nurturing my dried-up heart._

_When he enters a room, it's like someone splashes a myriad of colours against the black canvas that my mind has had become. He sparked a light that makes my heart flutter and lets me think of poetry and flower meadows._

_He's warm and bright like the sun. And now, like a dying flower, I desperately try to catch every single ray of his light whenever he's around, just to stay alive._

_He's dangerous. He could burn me. But without light, I'll die anyway, and I'm already withered, am I not? Then I might as well choose to be enveloped in his warmth before I go._

_No. I said I won't try it again. Not unless I tried to break free to finally live. And I finally took a successful first step, so ... Maybe, Gabriel can become a part of my new life. I don't want to wander in the dark anymore, and who could light my path better than the sun?_

_Maybe we-_

_Oh, they're back..._

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=artikelschlerzeitschrrojh3.jpg)

[](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichirograduationportrbijbh.jpg)

✵✵✵

As Gabriel climbed the steps, Ichiro already came his way, wearing black jeans and a black, partially unbuttoned tailored satin blouse. 

_Man, why does he have to look so gorgeous, no matter what he wears? I never thought I'd find the sight of collar bones attractive._

"Gabriel, what are you doing here?" The Japanese tilted his head and frowned in confusion.

"I was about to let you know that your parents are downstairs. Um, hasn't Rayne said anything?"

The crease between Ichi's brows deepened as he crossed his arms. "Erm, no? Last time I talked to her was yesterday as she said she'd pick Claire and dad up."

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes. "That figures. She called in the morning, told me that she forgot about an appointment and asked me if I could pick your parents up instead.

Lowering his brows, Ichiro pressed his lips tightly together, and now it was Gabriel who tilted his head in confusion.

"Hm? What?"

"An appointment? At 10 in the evening? What could be so important, on a Wednesday evening at 10 o'clock, that she can't reschedule? Aside from that, my sister could've asked me, but chose you instead. I wonder why," he added sarcastically.

"Wait, do you think she lied to me?"

_I'm a clueless fool, am I not?_

"Doesn't matter what I think, but it wouldn't hurt if you'd start to question people's motives." Ichiro slowly walked past him and glanced over his shoulder. "Will you stay here for a while?"

Still confused, Gabriel locked eyes with him again. "Err, do you want me to?"

"Yes, I would highly appreciate if you'd extend your stay, Mister Montgomery," he said in a low voice, looked up through his lashes and smiled gently.

_God, why? Please, don't look at me like that..._

"Then, of course."

Ichiro's smile widened as he turned around again to quickly continue his way to the kitchen.

"Dad?"

The muffled voices of Richard and Claire broke off, and seconds later, the couple poked their heads through the right archway, eyes widening as they spotted Ichiro. Claire was the first who found her voice again.

"My, my ... Ichi, you sure have changed; your hair is so long! Is that a piercing?"

_Wait, what? They haven't known how he looks like?_

Confused, Gabriel watched Claire walking up to her stepson. She pulled him into a tight hug without any hesitation. "It's so good to see you! I'm glad you've finally decided to live with us!" Pressing a light kiss onto his cheek, she squeezed him once more. "Welcome home, my dear."

"Hello, Claire, it's nice to see you." 

Although Ichiro reciprocated his stepmother's embrace, his body language told Gabriel that he was tense from head to toe. 

Richard finally decided to walk up to them, and Claire pulled back to join her daughter's friend, who leaned against the counter. She shot him a meaningful glance but didn't say anything.

Ashen-faced, Ichiro clenched his jaw as his father watched him quietly.

_Sheesh, what's going on here?_

Gabriel frowned, as he never witnessed Rayne's stepfather acting so strange. Mister St. James was a good-looking, middle-aged man, only a little bit shorter than Gabriel himself, and with a well-toned physique. Chiselled features, ash blonde hair with greying temples, and the corners of his ice-blue eyes were wrinkled from many hours of laughter. 

Richard was a distinguished gentleman who smiled a lot, which is why Gabriel was so confused, as the stern expression on his face didn't fit with what the swimmer was used to. Even _he_ thought Mister St. James looked intimidating right now, so he could only imagine how distressed his son felt.

Nervously, the Japanese averted his gaze and started fidgeting with his hands as his father's deep voice echoed through the room.

"What happened to my little boy, hm?"

"Finally gone," Ichiro whispered, his feeble voice cracking.

"Piercings, huh...," Richard stated while grabbing Ichiro's chin to tilt his head.

"Several."

"What else?"

"Tattoos," Ichi said, still averting his gaze. "And a split tongue."

"Let me see."

Hesitantly, Ichiro stuck out his tongue. His father kept watching him with an indifferent expression while Claire's muttered ' _Goodness gracious me!'_ didn't escape anyone.

"Your teeth also," Richard murmured while tipping up his son's chin to take a better look.

"Oh, err ... yeah."

Mister St. James let go of Ichiro, took two steps back and crossed his arms. "Anything else?"

Finally, Ichiro locked eyes with his father. "No. ... Well, actually, yes. I ...," he took a deep breath. "I'm bisexual, dad. And I prefer men over women. Always have."

_What. The. Fuck. Ichi ... Damn, I thought Richard knew it already. Geez..._

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Richard watched his son for a while before addressing him again. "What happened, Ichi?"

"A lot." His voice cracked, and tears welled up in his eyes, spilling down a face that suddenly looked so much younger, so hurt and vulnerable. 

The air was tense, and Gabriel felt more and more uncomfortable.

Ichiro struggled to keep his composure, to keep his body from shaking, and Richard still didn't move.

_That's enough, this is heart-wrenching. Why won't you hug your crying child, Richard?_

Gabriel swallowed hard, took a deep breath and blinked away his own tears before he walked over to Ichiro to pull him into his arms. The Japanese hid his face at Gabriel's chest and plunged his nails deep into the swimmer's sides in an attempt to steady himself. The pain was sharp, but Gabriel didn't care. Instead, he looked directly at Richard. "Did you know that I'm gay, Richard? That's why your stepdaughter and I are just friends." 

He could hear Claire gasping in the background. Richard's eyes slightly widened, but Gabriel gave him no time to react. "Do you want to know who's beautiful in my eyes?" Ostentatiously, he gently squeezed the trembling man in his arms. "Ichiro. Your son is incredibly beautiful, inside and out. You think so as well, don't you, Rich?"

"Darling?!" Claire's voice was small but vigorous, and her husband's expression finally relaxed. He sighed, a strained smile adorning his features. "I'm sorry, that simply was... He looks so different from before. It's a lot to take in at once, you know? But yes, I think so as well, Gabe."

Richard carefully pulled his son out of Gabriel's arms and embraced him tenderly. "I'm glad you're finally here, son." 

For a while, Ichiro's uncontrollable sobbing was the only sound that filled the house. 

✵✵✵

Claire placed a steaming teacup in front of Gabriel, then sat down across from him. "Earl Grey and Australian Myrtle." 

"Thank you," he said in a low voice, carefully pulling the cup towards him. 

She watched him for a while, eliciting a shy smile from him. "Hm?"

"Quite the news, my dear." Steam twirled in every direction as she slowly blew over the surface of her hot beverage.

_Let the interrogation begin, huh?_

Gabriel hummed in agreement while dumping several sugar cubes into his cup. "Felt like the right moment."

A warm smile spread across Claire's face. "It was brave and left an impression on my husband, that I can assure you. Does Rayne know about it?"

Stirring his tea, Gabriel averted his gaze. "No, and if you don't mind, I'd prefer it stays that way for a while. Your daughter is quite ... _difficult_ since her brother arrived."

Before Claire could respond, Richard appeared back in the kitchen. He looked exhausted as he sat down next to Gabriel. Shoving a sugar cube between his lips, he addressed the young man.

"So... Um... Gay, huh?"

_Great. Good cop, bad cop now?_

A crooked smile on his lips, Gabriel fixed his gaze on him. "Yeah... I only recently figured it out for myself. Otherwise, I would've told you sooner, and under different circumstances, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. How did Jennifer take it?"

"Mum doesn't know yet. I hadn't planned to blurt it out here today, you know?"

"Of course", Richard nodded, chewing on another sugar cube. "So... why _did_ you blurt it out today? Because of my son?"

_Oh no, now it's getting even more unpleasant._

Gabriel felt blood rushing to his cheeks. He averted his gaze again and cleared his throat. "Well, yes. I didn't like the situation you've left him in before. He was so hurt and lost. I couldn't stand seeing him so vulnerable. And he's the reason why I realised it anyway, so..."

"Gabe...", Claire's delicate hand gently cupped his "Are you and Ichiro-"

_Here it goes._

"No, but I have feelings for him."

_There, I said it._

Taking a deep breath, he stared at the ground, the violent pounding of his heart the only sound he could hear. After a while, he felt Richard's warm hand on his shoulder.

"Well, then you'll maybe become an official part of the family nonetheless someday, huh? Given that my son reciprocates your feelings, of course."

"What?" Baffled, Gabriel looked up, and two friendly faces looked back at him.

Richard squeezed his shoulder. "That was a joke, boy. Whatever happens or doesn't happen between you two is not our business. At the moment it's an unfamiliar situation, but we all will come to terms with it eventually. For now, I simply am glad that my ex-wife allowed Ichiro to go, and that he chose to live with his other family over being lonely in Japan. 

"My son had a difficult life, and there's still a lot to unpack, but he needs time. And he needs friends, Gabriel. Regardless of your feelings, what you did for Ichi before was what a friend would do. And that's what my son needs."

_This sure took an unexpected turn..._

Rich, uh... I thank you, both of you, for being so considerate and understanding. Actually, I'm a bit surprised. I didn't think this conversation would be an easy one."

"We can't choose who we fall in love with? So, arguing about it would be futile, wouldn't it?" Claire smiled at him while taking a sip of her tea.

_Rayne really should realise and appreciate how amazing her parents are._

Richard got up from his seat and yawned. "If you don't mind, I'd excuse myself now. It's late, and I'm tired. Gabriel, my son is probably still awake."

"You don't mind if I stay for a bit longer?"

"Have we ever? Just let your mum know. Goodnight." Ichiro's father waved lazily and shuffled down the corridor. Following her husband, Claire turned back to Gabriel. "Should you happen to see Rayne, let her know she shall better be here when I wake up."

"Of course."

She smiled in response and continued walking. "Goodnight, my dear."

"Night, Claire."

_Jesus Christ. What a weird evening._

Collecting the teacups to put them into the dishwasher, Gabriel glanced indecisive at the staircase.

_Should I? Maybe he's exhausted from their conversation and doesn't want to see anyone. But ... What if he feels lonely? And if I go without saying anything, that would be rude, wouldn't it? Man... what am I even trying here? I want to see him._

✵✵✵

Switching off the light on his way out, Gabriel quickly climbed the steps and made his way to Ichiro's room. The corridor was only dimly lit, and the gap beneath the door dark.

_Damn, he's already asleep._

While he was about to turn around, a small noise, coming from inside the room, made him stop instantly again.

"Ichi?"

The door already opened as he decided to knock, and beautiful blue eyes, swollen and red from too much crying, looked back at him.

"You're still here?" 

"Of course, I am. I wanted to check on you."

A surprised smile on his lips, the Japanese ushered him into his room. Kaskade's ' _On Your Mind'_ quietly played on the phone that was laying on his pillow. The bright display the only source of light.

"Oh, no heavy metal?"

"I listen to almost everything. Heavy metal is just my favourite genre. Do you mind if the light stays off? My face is all puffy, and I don't want you to see it." He slumped down on his bed and lazily rolled over. "Take the chair or join me."

_The chair. As if._

"Even puffy, your face is always beautiful, but no, I don't mind."

Ichiro huffed in amusement. "Look at you, Mister Montgomery, making me blush again with being so blunt."

_Is he teasing me again, or does he mean it?_

Gabriel sat down on the bed's edge and turned to the other man. "How do you feel?"

"Okay, I guess. Dad and I had a long talk, and we'll continue tomorrow. He wants to go somewhere with me. I'm glad that he's so accepting. That was the main reason why I cried like a little boy. I'm sorry you've had to witness that. Pathetic and embarrassing."

"Stop right there, Ichi. Neither was it pathetic nor embarrassing, alright? I have no idea what it is you've gone through, but it was obviously traumatising, and your father said you've had to deal with it your whole life. No one can shoulder shit for that long without getting affected, my friend."

His counterpart sighed. "Alright... Thank you for saying that, I appreciate it. I'll tell you my story when I'm feeling better."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to."

Gabriel refrained from further objection and let his gaze wander instead. The digital clock on Ichiro's desk displayed 00:47 in glowing blue numbers, and Trevor Daniel's _'Falling' was_ replaced by _'Going'_ from H.E.R. as cold fingertips carefully grazed his hand.

"Gabriel?"

"Mh?"

"Thank you for earlier. What you did was so brave and kind, it stunned me."

"Actually, I did it without thinking. It just happened. Seeing you so hurt and emotionally exposed was unbearable, and then, my body acted on its own." Gabriel offered him a strained smile, and Ichiro watched him quietly for a moment before he sat up to move closer.

"Are we friends, Gabriel?"

"Of course."

They locked eyes and Ichiro leaned towards him, placing his hand on Gabriel's thigh.

"What if... What if I'd like us to be more than just friends?" he whispered shyly.

Seconds passed that felt like hours. Gabriel's furiously beating heart drowned out the music as his mind was creating a seemingly infinite amount of subsequent scenarios. Happiness slowly seeped into every fibre of his body, and the fluttering sensation in his stomach became overwhelming.

_I ... Fuck. I can't think... I ... Christ ... I wanna..._

"Sorry, but-," He gently cupped Ichiro's cheeks and kissed him tenderly, softly groaning over the tingling sensation their entwining tongues elicited. 

After a while, Gabriel effortlessly pulled the fine-boned man into his lap and drew back to look at him. "Since the day of your arrival, when I caught you in my arms, I barely thought about anything but you." Brushing their noses together, Gabriel closed his eyes. "I've fallen for you, head over heels," he whispered.

"That makes two of us, so I guess we're a thing now, hm?" Ichiro purred, playfully grazing Gabriel's lips with the tip of his nose.

_He wants to be with me. Ichiro St. James, the most beautiful and amazing guy on the planet, is now my boyfriend. Alright ... Breathe ... Keep your cool, Gabriel. Everything is fine, don't embarrass yourself now. Freak out when you're home. You got this._

"Yes, we are. I'm yours, Ichi." The swimmer stole another kiss while making his boyfriend straddle him. "I like it when you're on top of me," he sighed, firmly squeezing the delicate waist in his hands.

Ichiro chuckled, gently pressing his forehead onto Gabriel's. "I thought, wearing your heart on your sleeve was your only dangerous weapon, but here you are, being incredibly sexy while naturally taking over the reins."

"Does it bother you?" he breathed against Ichiro's lips while slipping his hands beneath the silken fabric of his shirt.

"Unfortunately, it turns me on."

"How fortunate for me," he stated while tenderly nibbling on Ichiro's ear.

Tilting his head, the Japanese let out a soft moan. "Usually, I'm the one in charge, you know? 

"Were."

"Pardon?"

"You _were_ in charge," Gabriel said, locking eyes with his beloved again, who promptly flicked his forehead. "Sir, are you getting cocky with me?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Tch ... I like that."

"Good," Gabriel smirked mischievously, gently biting the tip of Ichiro's nose.

"Gabriel?"

"Mh?"

"I hate to be a reasonable adult again, but ... You should go home now, don't you think? It's so late already, and your training starts at eight. Your trainer will kill you if you screw up again. 

"I know." Sighing, Gabriel propped his head against Ichiro's chest. "At the next opportunity, I'll stay overnight, if you don't mind."

"Of course, I don't mind."

"Good. Because I want to do many things with you, Ichi, and we'll need a lot of time for it." 

"You're a wolf in sheep's clothing, Mister Montgomery."


	6. Observations

_20.11.19_

_It's me again, hellooo._

_I wanted to write earlier, but since dad and Claire are back, everyone became too busy, and I got dragged around a lot. Man ... I really got dragged around a lot... Dad and I had a bunch of official appointments regarding my moving here. Aside from that, he simply was super excited, wanted to show me the whole city, and also introduced me to his friends and family. Relatives, I haven't seen for about 12 years. First, I thought it would get awkward, but they were all happy to see me, cried, and hugged me almost the entire time. It was sweet, and I'm glad we can meet regularly from now on._

_Anyway, the whole family knows about my sexual orientation by now and took it pretty well; even the brat, which was actually surprising. Since Rayne usually acts like a child, I thought she'd make fun of it, but she was pretty chill and curious. Asked a lot of genuine questions. Kinda sweet. Almost._

_Dad and Claire were happy when they heard that Gabriel and I are officially dating. They love him anyway and think we complement each other well. However, Gabriel hasn't told Rayne anything yet, and neither do his family, trainer or fellow swimmers know; except for Darius. So, we're basically keeping it a secret for now, but he promised to tell everyone after his swimming tournament._

_The Hancock Prospecting Australian Short Course Championships; that's a fucking tongue twister, I tell ya. It already starts tomorrow, but the 100m butterfly course is on Saturday and the finals shortly after. Apparently, this tournament isn't even particularly vital to Gabriel. However, he said, and I quote: "I only got silver at the FISU in Italy last July, and I'm still pissed, so I really need gold for a change"._

_Yeah, that's right... Gabriel was at the Summer Universiade. In Europe. And managed to win the freaking silver medal. And he's displeased with it. Seems like my dear Mister Montgomery is rather ambitious ... and pretty confident that he'll win the gold medal on Saturday._

_Vital or not, I've barely seen him since we became a couple because he has to attend additional training and workouts in preparation for said tournament. And he can't stay here on weekends 'cause Rayne would become suspicious. I mean, I'm understanding, of course, but I miss him nonetheless; a lot._

_In other news, I've visited the LCI Melbourne twice because I'd like to study art there. However, unfortunately, I can't join right away, so I auditioned for some model jobs for the time being. Luckily, I have an impressive portfolio, thanks to Ruben, which helps A LOT when I apply for a job. There was an agency solely for alternative models, that recognised his style as they looked through my pics, as they've already worked with him. Since they showed interest anyway, the manager summarily called Ruben for feedback and gave me an oral agreement right after. I'll go back there on Friday to make it official, but actually, it's already wrapped up. I'm excited._

_I haven't told Gabriel yet because I want to wait until I've signed the contract. Maybe I can let him know on Saturday, then we'd have three reasons to celebrate... Hopefully, he can finally stay here overnight. Ah, fuck ... Saturday is also Claire's fancy BBQ party with 'a few friends'. Her 'few' means about 30 btw., and she asked me to attend as well since she wants to introduce me to them. Naturally, Gabriel is also invited, she said, although I don't know if he can manage it. He probably will be tired after the tournament, and if he really plans to come out to his family, they surely want to talk about it._

_However, even though I want Gabriel to be here, I won't ask him. He definitely wouldn't decline, so it would be pretty selfish to ask anyway. I'll tell him that he's invited and that's it._

_I won't manage that on my own, tho. I'm already getting anxious when I think about it. Maybe I can stick to my sister or something._

_... Maaan, I don't even have fancy clothes to wear. I still regret that I left 3/4 of my wardrobe with Takuya. So many unique pieces ... That asshole... Anyway, meeting him again would have caused more trouble._

_Welp... Guess I'll go shopping later. Oh, it's so late already, damn. I have to make lunch._

✵✵✵ _  
_

Ichiro was on his way downstairs, as he noticed a movement at the front door. There was a shadow behind the alabaster glass, and a second later, the doorbell rang.

When he opened, a tall guy was standing in front of him, facing sideways, as he watched some passersby. He was probably in his late twenties, thin, light-blond hair, sharp features, distinctive nose, and prominent cheekbones. He turned his head to face Ichiro, his appraising eyes measuring him. His pale skin tone looked unhealthy, and the dark circles under his amber-coloured eyes only added up to it. Nonetheless, the man was handsome, in a rather unique and peculiar way. However, Ichiro instantly shivered, as he had a bad feeling about him.

For a brief moment, the man's lips curled up into a smirk as his eyes traveled up and down his body before he fixed his gaze back on his face again. "Mr St. James?"   
Ichiro didn't confirm the man's question but countered it instead. "Who wants to know that?" The man briefly averted his gaze, the hint of a sad smile flitting across his features. "My name is Dmitrij Kasakow; it is nice to make your acquaintance," he said in a raspy voice with a heavy Russian accent. 

Although he smiled carefree while extending his hand, his intense gaze was heavy with meaning and made Ichiro wary.

He crossed his arms and kept his indifferent expression as he addressed the stranger. "How can I help you, Dmitrij?" 

The guy squinted at him and huffed in amusement as he let his hand fall back to his side.

"I am Mrs Gainsborough's personal yoga teacher. We do have an appointment in about thirty minutes, and since I was already nearby, I decided to come earlier. You are Claire's stepson, is that not right?"

Ichiro nodded curtly. "St. James, Ichiro."

He took a step back and fully opened the door to let the man inside, who dropped his hand on Ichiro's shoulder as he walked past.

"If she does not have filming to attend, I come here every day for a yoga lesson, so we will see each other quite often, Mr St. James."

Taking a step forward to close the door, he subtly shook off Dmitrij's hand. "Seems like it."

"Dima!" Claire's bell-like voice rung through the entrance hall as she and Nina, the housemaid, emerged from the laundry room. Smiling brightly, she pulled the yogi into a firm embrace. "It's so good to see you! How was your trip to Russia?"

"It was pleasant, thank you. The family is doing well, and my sister's husband is a nice catch." 

"Ah, that's good to hear, my dear! Although, I'm glad you're back because I'm in high need of a relaxing yoga session!" She smiled anew and turned to the kitchen. "You can wait here or in the fitness room. I'll join you when I've changed!" 

And with that, Claire vanished. However, Dmitrij decided not to go upstairs to wait in the fitness room but followed her and stopped in the kitchen, whereas Nina shuffled over to Ichiro. Mrs Oliveira was a sweet but feisty lady in her late 50s, who already worked as Claire's housemaid before Rayne was born. 

Nina seemed kind of intimidating with her permanent frown, clenched jaw, and keen, dark-brown eyes. Her black hair was streaked with lots of silver and regularly worn in a chic updo, and also her uniform always looked impeccable. With looks like hers, it was hard to imagine that Mrs Oliveira was actually a friendly and funny person with a heart of gold.

She was basically part of the family but usually kept her distance, as she was more like a silent observer. However, Nina quickly realised that the mansion's new resident was cast from the same mould as her, which is why she and Ichiro connected on a different level.

Casting a glance over her shoulder to make sure the yogi was out of earshot, she cupped Ichiro's cheek.

"Keep that distant behaviour of yours, my dear chap. That man, I do not trust him. Never have. He is like an ambush predator. Be wary of him and have an eye on Miss Rayne as well when he's around, hm?"

Ichiro nodded. "Will do. Something about him is definitely strange." 

Nina hummed in agreement while patting his cheek. "This house always lacked a good insight into human nature. I'm glad you are here now, meu querido." A smile on her lips, Nina grabbed her bag. "Sayonara. See you tomorrow."

Ichiro grinned and opened the door. "Obrigado, Mrs Oliveira. Adeus."

Entering the kitchen, Ichiro headed straight to the refrigerator to get the basics for lunch ready. However, an unsettling sensation made him feel on pins and needles and sent a shiver down his spine. Suddenly unable to remember which ingredients were needed, he rummaged headless through the fridge's contents as Dmitrij addressed him.

"When did you arrive here, Mr St. James?"

Ichiro didn't turn around but took a deep breath and rolled with his eyes instead.

"Three weeks ago."

Metal scratched across the marble tiles as Dmitrij got up from his seat at the counter, and Ichiro grew more and more uncomfortable under the guy's stare.

"Have you already found friends? I could show you around if you like. I know some places worth seeing; landmarks, theatres, historical buildings, or we could visit a bar together."

"Thank you, but I already was sightseeing with my father and my friend as well." 

Warily, he kept looking for nothing in particular as he suddenly felt Dmitrij's presence right behind him. 

"That is a real pity, Mr St. James," he whispered in his raspy voice, his hot breath coating the nape of Ichiro's neck as he reached past him for a water bottle. 

Ichiro tensed, took a step sideways, and turned around. However, the yogi already leaned against the kitchen island, his gaze still fixed on his counterpart as he opened the water bottle. Dmitrij ignored his scowl and smiled as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"If you ever want a guide for a special tour through Melbourne, let me know, Mr St. James. The nightlife is different from Tokyo's but can be fun as well, and it's always a pleasure to spend time with frien-"

"I'm back!" The front door opened, and the lively chatter that followed cut the Russian off. 

"Met Gabe perchance and bribed him with your food, so he'd tag along. You can cook a bit more, Ichi, right? Dima, hi! Long time no see." Rayne chucked her wallet, phone, and keys onto the dining table while Gabriel placed a few bags with groceries on the countertop. 

Immediately, his gaze locked with Ichiro's, whose scowl from before was still frozen on his features. The swimmer frowned and arched a brow, his eyes darting over to Claire's yoga instructor.

"Dmitrij, hello. I see you already made my friend's acquaintance."

"Yes, indeed. Mr St. James and I had a pleasant chat, isn't that so?"

Ichiro ignored the question and started to put away the groceries instead as Claire came back from her dressing room.

"Oh, Gabe, I didn't expect you to be here today, darling."

She hugged the swimmer and promptly turned to the yogi.

"Shall we start, Dima? My son will cook a traditional Japanese meal today, and I don't want to miss it!"

"Of course, Mrs Gainsborough."

She smiled brightly, winked at Ichiro, and briskly left for the fitness room while Dmitrij cast him another meaningful glance before he followed her.

"He's not _your_ son, mom!" Rayne called out to her mother. "Tch ... I'll go and take a quick shower. Will the food be ready when I'm done?"

Ichiro sighed and turned to her. "Well, it's nothing I'll get done within the next fifteen minutes."

His sister pouted and rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'm exhausted from getting those groceries for you anyway, so just call me when it's done. I'll relax for the time being. Oh, and help me with that integral calculus stuff again, later."

"Only if you'll go shopping with me after. I need some new clothes, and I won't find them in standard shops."

"That's a deal after my fancy, _nii-san_."

After Rayne left, Ichiro closed his eyes and massaged his temples.

"I wanted to get the groceries myself, you know? But she insisted on driving to the shop because she wanted to make an appointment at the nearby nail salon. This girl ... seriously..." He started washing some vegetables while Gabriel still frowned in confusion. "Nii-san? What the hell happened just now?"

"Onii-san or nii-san is an informal way to refer to one's older brother in my native language; Rayne wanted to know, so I told her. Now she's super proud that she speaks Japanese," he rolled his eyes and laughed. "Oh, and I help her with her studies. Maths isn't her thing, but you know that already."

"You two sure grew close, huh?"

"Well, she's constantly craving attention and affection, and that actually makes it pretty easy to handle her; her reactions are predictable. Anyway, you'll stay for lunch, Gabriel?"

The swimmer embraced him from behind and burrowed his face in the crook of Ichiro's neck.

"Yeah, but that's it, unfortunately. I have to head over to the afternoon training in two hours." He inhaled deeply. "Man ... I really love your scent."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabeichichapter7ao32wk90.jpg)

Ichiro's heart skipped a beat over that sudden remark. He turned around to face his boyfriend, who greeted him with a soft kiss. The bright sunlight gave Gabriel's tanned skin a silky shine and let his hair and eyes look like liquid honey and chocolate. Gabe winked at him, and immediately Ichiro's cheeks flushed. Flustered, he cleared his throat and blinked a few times.

"Gabriel, you can't do that."

"What?" he smirked.

"Uh ... What's when Rayne suddenly comes back?"

Cupping his boyfriend's cheek, Gabriel slowly brushed their lips together.

"Then ... I'd be forced ... to explain myself ... I guess," he breathed between kisses while gently caressing Ichiro's side.

"You're very unfair, Mister Montgomery..." Ichiro sighed, slowly pushing his tongue between Gabriel's lips, who firmly pulled their hips together.

After sharing a long kiss, the swimmer pulled back, looked down to where their bodies were pressed together, and effortlessly lifted Ichi onto the kitchen island.

"Haaah, we should have sex here someday."

Almost choking on air, Ichiro arched a brow in astonishment. "I beg your pardon? We haven't done _anything_ besides kissing, and you already think about violating the kitchen? How about using my bed instead, and carefully approaching the topic from there?"

"Now?" Gabriel looked like an excited puppy, but his boyfriend quickly flicked his forehead. "Of course NOT now!"

"Okay ... Then whenever, I guess. Can we do it in my car? The rooftop garden? Oh, and I want to try the pool as well."

"Jesus Christ, what's gotten into you today? But very well, whatever you want, Mister Montgomery. But our first time will happen in my room because we have a lot to talk and try beforehand. _Then_ , we can think about fancy quicky locations, alright?"

Gabriel narrowed his eyes as he smirked at Ichiro. "Sounds good to me," he breathed before slipping his tongue past his boyfriend's lips."

They were so engrossed in their kissing that they almost missed the click of Rayne's door. Ichiro quickly pushed Gabriel away, jumped back to the ground, and hastily continued sorting through the groceries.

"What, you haven't even started yet? What the hell were you guys doing?"

She grabbed her phone and scowled at Gabriel on her way out, whose cheeks were still flushed. "Your face is red all over, you know? Looks weird. You should do something about it."

Gabriel clicked his tongue in annoyance when Rayne was out of earshot, and Ichiro sighed. "That was close. We can't keep doing that, Gabriel, or she will find out."

The swimmer ruffled his hair as he paced up and down. "This is tormenting. You know what? I _will_ do something about it. Rayne?!" he shouted as he fixed his gaze on the archway, where his friend glanced around the corner soon after.

"What?"

"Do you have a minute? It'll never be the right moment, so I can also say it right now."

"Gabriel, what are you doing?"

Gabe ignored the slightly panicked voice of his boyfriend and kept his gaze fixed on Rayne, who had crossed her arms as she was leaning against the archway.

"Go ahead, Gabe."

"Alright..." he took a deep breath, and awkwardly shoved his hands into his pockets. "Short and sweet; I'm gay."

He watched his best friend closely, but her expression stayed indifferent.

"Yeah, and? Is that why you called me?"

Confused, Gabriel shook his head and frowned. "Why, yes?"

"Gabe, I did already know that."

The swimmer frowned, took a step back and leaned against the kitchen isle.

"What the fuck? But I only figured it out myself recently?"

"Yeah, congrats on that. Took you long enough." Rayne walked over to the fridge and grabbed a can of soda. "You had tons of opportunities to sleep with me or whomever, but you rejected every single girl. You never dated any of them, or told me about a girl looking hot or something, right? Hellooo?! Could it be any more obvious, you moron?"

Ichiro bit his cheek and scowled at his sister's rude and insensitive behaviour. He positioned himself right next to Gabriel, who looked as if he was still trying to comprehend his best friend's observation.

"Err, huh? But I always said that you're beautiful? And I meant it! I still think you're beautiful!"

"Gabriel Montgomery, you just told me that you're gay, and now you said you think I'm beautiful, yet you _still_ don't realise that you see me as a sister type? How can you be so dense? You tell your actual sister the same things, so the meaning is identical, isn't it? Think about it."

"If you knew that he's probably gay, why did you cling to him so aggressively?" Ichiro crossed his arms, gaze locking with the young woman's.

"Because I didn't want to share him with you." Bitterness flitted across Rayne's features, but she quickly covered it with a sneer. "Gabe has a crush on you, you know? And that was pretty obvious from the start." Taking a sip from her soda, she enjoyed the wild mixture of emotions that crossed Gabriel's and her brother's faces.

"Did you just put him on the spot? Your best friend?" Ichiro glared at his sister, but she simply grinned in response. "Did I, though? You know, I wonder why you weren't surprised about Gabe's sexual orientation," she winked and turned to Gabriel. "Anything else you want to tell me, _best friend_?" she empathised the last words sarcastically and narrowed her eyes.

Gabriel's eyes darted to Ichiro, then back to Rayne. He curled his fingers into a fist, stretched them again, and slowly reached for his boyfriend, who immediately took hold of his hand.

"Well, like it or not, you'll share me from now on since I'm dating your brother, and I would appreciate it if you'd stop being so impertinent towards me. That's no base for friendship, and actually, it's more concerning that it took me so long to realise _that_ instead of my being gay."

He gently squeezed Ichiro's hand but kept his eyes focused on Rayne, whose expression turned angry.

"Fine! Do whatever you want! It's not like any of you is important to me anyway, so I can't even feel left out! I have tons of other friends, you know? I won't even notice that you're not around! Just fuck off, fuck each other, or whatever. I DON'T CARE!"

She briskly stomped out of the kitchen and shut her door with a loud bang.

The swimmer groaned and pulled Ichiro into a firm embrace.

"Tell me, she would've reacted like this anyway, no matter when I would've told her."

"I'm actually pretty sure she's unable to react in _any_ other way if you ask me. Don't worry, I'll talk to her later, she still needs my help with her homework. Let her be angry for a while. Even if she suspected it, Rayne now has to come to terms with our actual relationship."

"Yeah...," Gabriel sighed, gently squeezing Ichiro. "She can be so damn immature."

"She's eighteen; don't mind her."

Gabriel grumbled, looked up and Ichiro quickly kissed him. "We'll fix that. At least, we don't have to hide anymore," he kissed him again, more sensual this time, and Gabriel finally relaxed. "I'll help you with the cooking. I want to spend every single minute with you until I have to go."

Sighing, Ichiro leaned his head against the swimmer's chest. "I can't look into your face when you're acting so sweet, you know?"

"Of course, I know. But I love to make you blush, I can't help it."

"Meany," Ichiro laughed and locked eyes with Gabriel again. "I'm proud of you, Mister Montgomery. Telling Rayne what's going on _and_ putting her in her place was brave, and I think you deserve a few more kisses as a reward."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=wocchapter7messengercnrknb.jpg)


	7. Set in Motion

Fireflies started glowing in the dark as Rayne and Ichiro strolled through the quiet public park on their way back to their car. The siblings took a beeline after shopping to get bubble tea, as Rayne wanted to talk. She was balancing on a low wall, occasionally glancing at her brother as they walked next to each other; their sipping the only noise that broke the silence. 

As they passed a bench after a while, Ichiro returned one of his sister's many glances and smiled. "Wanna sit for a bit?" 

Rayne nodded, jumped back to the ground and sauntered over, still thinking about how to approach the topic. Although she was the one who wanted to talk, her throat felt constricted. Rayne knew she had to apologise for what she did before, as she hasn't had any right to lift her hand against her brother. 

He came to talk to her after Gabe left, and tried to reconcile, but Rayne didn't listen. Instead, she hit him, took all her anger and frustration out on him. Screamed at him, insulted him, pushed him against a wall, slapped him across the face and punched against his chest before she hugged him as she broke into tears. And Ichiro did nothing, except for silently hugging her back. 

She hastily left after, as she was embarrassed and unable to face her brother. However, as she was aimlessly wandering through downtown, she got a text message from Ichiro, who wanted to meet her, as he was concerned about her wellbeing. And that's when Rayne broke down anew, in the middle of the street. 

Besides Gabriel, no one ever really cared about her. Her parents loved her, that was for sure, yet, they basically always let her do as she pleased. Claire was too busy and rarely asked questions about anything. Richard, on the other hand, was afraid to fully engage in raising a child that wasn't his own. He always said, making decisions regarding Rayne was not for others to do but Claire, and in the end, they simply accepted the way she was spending her days. And the way her  _ friends  _ cared about her always has been superficial. However, she was used to it and didn't bother since she knew she could always count on Gabe, at least.

But then, Ichiro appeared, and without doing anything, he took away everything from her. Everyone adored him right away, cared about him and his wellbeing - even Gabriel. Gabriel, who never cared for  _ anything  _ besides swimming, his family and Rayne, fell in love with Ichiro even. That was just too much to bear. Although nothing was his fault, she hated her brother - or so she thought.

After her tears had subsided, she replied to his message, offered to go shopping with him to make up for earlier. However, that wasn't enough to apologise for what she did, and now Rayne struggled to find the right words.

Still smiling, Ichiro put down the shopping bags and patted her head as he sat down next to her. "Will you help me with the corset on Saturday?"

"Sure," she whispered hoarsely, quickly averted her gaze and cleared her throat as she felt tears well up.

"Rayne?"

"Mh."

"Would you look at me, please?" His voice wasn't pleading but so soft and warm that she couldn't refuse. 

Her brother's expression was gentle as they locked eyes again. "May I say something?"

She nodded and blinked her tears away "Go ahead."

"I want to apologise for what I said at the airport back then."

Inclining her head, Rayne stared at him in confusion but decided to keep quiet. Ichiro smiled faintly and took her hand in his.

"I said that I'd see through your play, but in the past three weeks, I noticed that your bitchy attitude is as fake as the friendly cover-up and just another mask you're wearing. 

"The reason why you were so astonished after our airport quarrel was because you feared, I already discovered what was behind the second mask, right?" 

Rayne said nothing but averted her gaze. 

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," her brother stated reassuringly and lightly squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry for misjudging you, Rayne. You know, you  _ are  _ an annoying brat sometimes, but the moment my father told me about you and Claire, I considered you family. You're my family, Rayne, and even if you're getting on my nerves quite often, I'll always be here for you, care for you and protect you, if you need to be protected. Because I love you, my little  _ tamanegi _ ."

"What's a  _ tama-ne-gi _ ?" she asked, tears streaming down her face as she looked back at her brother.

"An onion. Because you're— what was the word? Eclectic? Multilayered?"

Drying her face with her sleeve, Rayne huffed "That's so stupid. ... I like it."

A lopsided grin on his features, Ichiro gently cupped her cheeks. "Can I shower my little tamanegi with brotherly affection?" 

"I'm sure there's no one on earth who'd refuse your affection, nii-san." 

"Oh, there is, but that's a story for another day." Suddenly, Ichiro looked incredibly sad as he tenderly pressed his lips to his sister's forehead but covered it up by quickly pulling her into his arms. "How about sticking together, hm?"

"Yeah ... I'm so sorry for hitting you, Ichi." Rayne's voice was muffled as she pressed her face against his hair. "That was way out of line, and it'll never happen again, I promise."

"It's alright. I'm sorry that you had to bottle up your feelings for so long that you didn't see any other way of expressing your emotions. I promise I won't take Gabriel away from you, but please accept that I'm now a part of his life as well."

"He's amazing, isn't he?"

Sighing, Ichiro squeezed his sister and stood up. "Yeah, he is, and I never would've thought a guy like him could be interested in me. I'm a lucky man."

"You're a dumbass if you don't see how amazing you are yourself."

"Oh? Look at you, already complimenting me." 

Rayne pushed against his stomach and rolled her eyes. "Shut up, nii-san. Let's go home."

Smirking, he winked at her, pulled her up and tousled her hair. "Yeah, let's go home, tamanegi."

✵✵✵

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dariusch8atj65.jpg)

The venue was packed with people of all ages as Ichiro and Rayne weaved their way through the masses. Kids were chasing each other with balloons in their hands, whereas the adults headed straight for the BBQ stalls. While everyone was engaged in loud and cheery conversations, Ichiro focused on the sound his sister's heels were making. She fixed her gaze on his strained jaw musculature and cocked her head. "What's wrong, nii-san?"

"Left my headphones at home. Dealing with so many people and all the noises is kinda tough for me."

"Wait. So, you weren't rude at the airport but needed your headphones to deal with your surroundings?"

"Exactly."

Rayne grimaced at the realisation, but a sudden voice cut off her thought.

"Yo, Frosty and Frosty's sis, over here!" Smiling brightly, Darius was waving and beckoning the step-siblings over.

"Why is he calling you Frosty?" Rayne muttered under her breath, confusedly glancing at her brother while she waved back.

"Because I treat him kinda cold and curtly."

"Huh? But why? He's almost as nice as Gabe."

"I know, but if you tease him, you can almost feel how much it bothers him, and then he covers it up with a joke."

Rayne furrowed her brow. "So, you're mean on purpose because his reactions are funny?"

"I never said I'm a saint, right?" he smirked, heading straight for the guy with bleached hair while not even glancing at Darius. 

Rayne greeted the guys with a friendly smile as her brother bowed before the stranger and extended a hand. "Hi, my name is Ichiro St. James. Nice to meet you."

"So polite. Marlon Reid, hi!" smiling, he grabbed Ichiro's hand "Ya already know I'm with Darius here."

"Yes. It's nice to finally see the face of the person he permanently talks about."

"What?" Frowning, Marlon elbowed his boyfriend. "I told you not to blab about me?!"

"I haven't, I swear!" Darius waved his hands in defence. "I haven't even mentioned you when Ichiro and I met, which was exactly ONCE by the way. Frosty, why are you doing this to me? I thought we're friends?" he pouted, and Ichiro couldn't help but laugh while his gaze shifted back to Marlon. I was kidding. He never mentioned you. Oh, and you can call me Ichi if you like."

"What?!  _ He  _ can call you by your nickname, but I can't? ... Okay, ouch, that hurts." Darius sighed in defeat and turned to Rayne. "Let's go, princess. Seems like your bro and my  _ lover  _ are already best friends." Theatrically, he threw his hands in the air "We're  _ obviously  _ superfluous here _."  _ He playfully grimaced at the Japanese while ushering the young woman inside _. _

Unfortunately, the stands were already quite cramped, and the group had to put up with seats in the centre. Although the view was still good, Ichiro had hoped to be closer to Gabriel. He let his gaze wander as Darius, Rayne and Marlon were engaged in a conversation.

Lots of important-looking people already bustled about the pool, controlling and preparing everything, and even a TV station was present. The reporter interviewed a middle-aged guy who probably was the trainer of one of the finalists. Darius elbowed Ichiro as he noticed whom he was looking at. "That's coach Swanson. He's our trainer and an ex-olympian. Pretty cool guy and definitely one who'll be happy to hear that Gabe's dating someone, as he was for me as well."

"So, you're telling me there are guys in your team who won't be as accepting," Ichiro stated, eyes still fixed on the coach.

"Perceptive Frosty is perceptive. Yes. One of those would be Raphael," he pointed to a swimmer who just arrived at the pool after being announced.

"Gabriel and Raphael; you've got to be kidding me," the Japanese huffed in amusement. 

"Nope. Although, unlike your boyfriend, Raphael isn't an angel. He's vile. I can't stand that guy. Good-looking, aware of it, toys with people and feels overall high and mighty. He's manipulative, extremely competitive and dislikes Gabe anyway because his performance is always better than Raph's. That said, locally, Gabriel is undefeated in his discipline. Anyway, hearing about Gabe being gay will be good fodder for that guy."

Ichiro hummed in response and watched the remaining swimmers entering. Despite wearing goggles and a bathing cap, he spotted Gabriel instantly, and the swimmer was just as fast, as his gaze quickly found that of his boyfriend. He looked so handsome and impressive that Ichiro's heart started to race. "I'm so freaking lucky," he whispered to himself, pressing his hands against his blushing cheeks as they shared a quick smile before Gabriel took his position.

The crowd went quiet and waited with bated breath for the event to start; except for Rayne who leaned over her brother's lap to address Darius.

"Hey, the black guy, that's your bro, right?" she whispered while trying to sound indifferent. 

"Aye. Why do you ask?"

"He looks so different. In a good way, though."

"Well, it's been almost two years since you've met. Want me to hook you up, princess?" 

"Shut up. I was surprised, that's all."

Ichiro and Darius grinned, but Rayne had no time to throw her snarky remark at them, as the starting signal rang out.

Immediately, Ichiro held his breath and fixed his gaze back on Gabriel. Full of admiration, his eyes followed him, as the way the swimmer glided through the water wasn't only fast and powerful but also full of grace. And Darius was right; the others didn't stand a chance as Gabriel not only had a head start but kept his lead on the way back as well. Barely a minute had passed as his fingertips touched the pool's wall again, declaring him the winner of the 100m butterfly discipline. Ichiro had a wide grin on his face while the group got up from their seats, cheering and applauding as they watched Gabriel climbing out of the water. A myriad of droplets ran down on every curve of his pumped muscles and made his tan skin glisten in the sunlight. Gabriel quickly took off googles and cap, shook his hair, and locked eyes with his lover again. The confident smirk on his lips made Ichiro's knees buckle, and as he wafted a kiss his way, the Japanese was about to pass out.

"Frosty ... did he just—?"

"Oh my God, nii-san!" Excitedly, Rayne shook her brother's arm, but he was just as much at a loss for words as Darius. His cheeks flared up again, as he felt almost the entire crowd staring at their small group.

"Dang, ain't that a bold one. That was super brave of ya man, Ichi," Marlon stated, "And hot," Darius added. However, he barely noticed them, as he only had eyes for Gabriel, who already was involved in an interview, a cluster of people surrounding him. 

"That's my boyfriend..." Finally snapping out of his daze, he turned to Darius. "Are we allowed to go down there?"

"Sure; especially with a teammate in tow, but we have to stay off the actual pool area. Let's go. I wanna dry my bro's tears," he chuckled and already climbed down the steps, Rayne close behind.

"Dunno who ya sis is so eager to see, ya man or Daryl." Marlon grinned at Ichiro, grabbed his shoulders and gently shoved him towards the staircase.

"Not even bronze, that ain't shit, man." Daryl sighed for the umpteenth time, roughly rubbing his face with the towel that was draped around his neck. He was already lamenting as they were congratulating Gabriel before and hadn't stopped since. 

While watching the victory ceremony, Darius' brother suddenly shifted his gaze towards Ichiro.

"It's nice that you're already friends with Gabe and my brother. They're both good people. You can add me to that list as well if you like."

"Ya, Frosty and Gabe are, like super good friends. Right, Frosty?" Darius blurted out while wiggling his eyebrows, a toothy grin on his face.

"Shut up, Darius," Rayne glared at him and rolled his eyes. 

"Princess, it's already enough that your brother is cold as ice to me. You don't have to join forces, you know?"

"Just stop being annoying, then. Problem solved." Ichiro smirked and winked at him, accompanied by Daryl's and Marlon's laughter. 

"He killed ya with seven words. Learn from it, hun."

Pouting, Darius accepted the quick peck of his lover and immediately switched back to his usual cheery mood.

"I said it before, and I'll say it again; we all should go out together. Princess as well, of course. There's a fantastic gay club, I'd like to visit with y'all."

"I'm in," Gabriel said as he sauntered over. "I'm sorry, it's a bit hectic at the moment, as there are also newspaper people waiting for another interview." He curled his lips and locked eyes with Ichiro. "I'll drive home right after I'm done here, try talking with my mother, and come over at, uh, when will the barbecue start again?"

"Eight, but don't rush. Take all the time you need. I won't run away."

"I hope so." 

Gabriel gently tugged on his boyfriend's shirt and pulled him in until they were close enough for a kiss.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Confused and eyes wide as saucers, Daryl's gaze shifted from the couple to everyone else, clearly demanding an explanation.

"Well, they're obviously gay, you moron," his brother stated.

"I can see that but, um ... Did I miss an announcement or something?"

"Announcement?" Gabriel looked at him while a beet-red Ichiro quietly shuffled behind his sister. "Should I go to every teammate and extend a hand while playing 'Hi, my name is Gabriel Montgomery, and I'm gay', like a broken record? I won't announce anything. The coach knows, and everyone else whenever they witness it."

"Wow. You're gay. And your boyfriend is gay as well."

"Bisexual," a quiet voice behind Rayne's back remarked.

"Would be weird if his lover were straight, don't ya think, mate?" Marlon furrowed his brow, shooting a confused look at Daryl.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure ... Gay. Wow. Okay. That's surprising, but I'm happy you found someone. Wait that means ... Yo, Rayne, wanna go on a date?"

"What the hell, mate?" Darius slapped his brother while the whole group groaned in unison.

With narrowed eyes, the silver medal's winner watched the scene from a small distance, poking his tongue against his cheek while huffing in amusement.

✵✵✵

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabech8ybk8e.jpg)

"Seriously though, you look absolutely stunning. Sheesh, I'm actually super jelly."

Rayne circled her brother once more, admiring her work. 

"The hair turned out extremely well, thank you." He smiled at her, shoving his phone into his back pocket. "Gabriel says he'll be late, so we can go downstairs already if you want."

His sister grimaced while grabbing her high heels. "Jennifer, huh?"

"Mhm."

"She's sweet, but a bit more on the traditional side. I hope it works out."

The party was already in full swing as the siblings joined, and immediately Ichiro was swarmed by people. Rayne watched from a distance how her mother introduced him while she slowly walked over to her stepfather.

"How about telling mum that she shouldn't drag him around like that? Look how stressed he already is. They pounce on him like a pack of hyenas. Disgusting."

Richard sighed and put down his glass. "Easier said than done. You know your mother, and my son's quite flamboyant outfit does the rest, but I'll try my best."

He marched over, and after a short talk, Ichiro was obviously released from his duties, as he quietly left the group of people to get a drink on a nearby bar.

Rayne gnawed on her thumb as her gaze followed him, watching his every move. She started walking to join him but quickly stopped again and pulled her phone out instead. Focusing the camera on her brother, the young woman clicked the release button. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichipartyao39jkvh.jpg)

The picture turned out well, however, her smile, as she was examining it, quickly shifted into a frown.

"Why the heck is he looking so creepily at him?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extended hiatus due to health issues.  
> Currently, my weekly schedule clashes massively with my daily life and I have to admit that my health is suffering a lot, which is why I'll take a necessary break and upload chapter 9 of my story on Friday, next week (31st).  
> I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. :/


	8. A Devil amongst Angels

Slowly moving the glass in circles, Ichiro quirked a brow as he watched how vodka, grenadine and blue curacao mixed together. He exhaled audibly through his nose, put the drink back on the counter and addressed the barkeeper. " _Russian Flag_ , hm?"

"Yes, sir. It's getting quite popular lately; one of your favourites as well, I guess?"

"Not at all, but I worked as a bartender back in Tokyo, so I know of a few cocktails and shots." Ichiro smiled and shoved the glass across the counter's polished surface. "Anyway, if you could make me a ginger ale instead, that would be nice," he squinted at the man's nameplate "Javier."

"Whatever you like, sir. I was only fulfilling orders. That guy is watching you by the way. He's probably waiting for you to taste the drink." The barkeeper offered Ichiro a pitying smile as he placed an empty glass with lime slice and ice in front of him.

"Mhm... I know. However, I didn't ask for this, and it's not on him to decide what I drink."

While mixing the ingredients, Javier glanced once more to the person leaning against the exterior wall, shifted his gaze back at the Japanese and nodded in understanding. "I'll dispose of it, then," he poured the ordered liquid in "and you can enjoy this instead."

Lifting his drink, Ichiro nodded subtly, the hint of a smile on his lips.

"You have my thanks, Javier. I'll see you later."

Rayne was frowning at her phone, not noticing as her brother approached her. "So, you're secretly taking pics of me, hm? Creep." He snickered while resting his chin on her shoulder.

Startled, the young woman shrieked, turned around and pushed his shoulder. "Are you nuts you weirdo? Geez... And it wasn't secretly! You just looked good, and I wanted to, uh..."

"What?" He arched a brow and smirked. "You better don't say anything weird now, _sister_."

"Gosh, no! Nothing weird! I just wanted to upload it on my social media acc to brag around. Don't judge me."

Ichiro's warm laugh filled the air. "That's almost cute, _creepo_."

"I'm not a creep, stop teasing me! _He's_ the creep here!" She shoved her phone in front of her brother's face and made him look at the photo. "Look at Dima, _that's_ creepy. Never saw him with that expression before. It makes me super uneasy."

" _Now_ , he makes you uneasy? That guy is uneasiness on legs. His whole demeanour is weird and creepy; have you never noticed that?"

Rayne put the phone back in her pocket and looked over to where the Russian was standing before. "No, actually ... He's always friendly. Always smiling. A bit awkward with small talk, but I thought that was because he still has difficulties with our language."

"He ordered a drink for me before I even arrived at the bar, and then he hid in a corner, watched me, and waited for me to drink it. The barkeeper told me."

Frowning, Rayne locked eyes with her brother again. "You refused, right?"

"Naturally."

"Good. Man, that sure is weird. And where is Dima now?"

"No idea, but I don't care, as I prefer to not see him anyway."

"Okay... Um...," carefully taking the glass out of her brother's grip, she took a sip and handed it back, ignoring his confused yet amused expression. "Mum dragged you around a lot before. Are you done with meeting people?"

"Hopefully. I've met the director and other staff from her show. However, she also wanted to introduce me to a photographer, but that guy hasn't arrived yet. And I hope he won't come. I'm already tired of socialising."

"Oh, maybe you'll become a film star now as well, nii-san," Rayne teased as she folded her arms on her chest.

"No, thanks. The model job is enough."

Ichiro sipped his drink and looked around, scanning the crowd as he was hoping, Gabriel would have arrived by now. The garden was filled with chatter, laughter, and music. Some guests were dancing, others engaged in conversations, and a few even using the pool. The whole area was illuminated by string lights and looked inviting, but Ichiro still felt uncomfortable. Sighing, he handed his sister the ginger ale. "Here, have it and excuse me for a while. I'll take a short break to calm down."

"You sure you're okay?"

The Japanese nodded reassuringly, and Rayne smiled in response.

"Alright, I'll wait here in case Gabe shows up, but don't take too long. Kim is about to head over because we want to visit a club. This party is lame."

Smiling, Ichiro patted her head. "No worries. I'll just quickly refresh myself and take a breather for a few minutes."

✵✵✵

As he stepped out of the bathroom, Ichiro was hit by that uneasy feeling again. It was dark, and the dim glow of the outdoor string lights illuminated the corridor merely enough to make the outlines of the furniture visible. However, he instantly sensed that someone was sitting in the armchair across from him, and he didn't need to see a face to know who it was.

The yogi's eyes glinted ominously in the faint light as they slowly travelled up and down the Japanese's body, creating a tense atmosphere that drowned out the music and muffled voices from outside. Ichiro immediately froze to the spot as the Russian leisurely got up from his seat. Grinning cheesily, Dmitrij took a few steps forward until there was barely any room left between them.

"Are you enjoying the party, Mr St. James?" he asked in a husky tone while his gaze dropped to the Japanese's mouth.

Not even daring to swallow, as it felt like an act of vulnerability in the man's presence, Ichiro fixed his gaze on his counterpart's eyes and replied in a steady voice. "Quite."

"That is good to hear. Although I am a bit disappointed that you did not enjoy the _Russian Flag_ , Mr St. James."

"I don't feel like drinking today."

"Ah, what a pity, what a pity, but maybe I can invite you to a soft drink instead?"

"Thank you, but I have to decline. I'm a little bit tired and will excuse myself soon."

Nonchalantly, Dmitrij leaned over and grabbed the door handle before Ichiro could pull back his hand and firmly clasped it with his cold palm. He inhaled slowly and deeply, making every single one of the Japanese's hair standing on end as his breath finished in a low moan.

"Mmmh, that pleasant scent again ... ," he remarked, licking his lips before he continued. "You look absolutely superb tonight, Mr St. James. A feast for the eyes, if I may say, especially that gorgeous face of yours. So strong, dominant and proud; that expression surely only adds to your superior beauty." He inched a little closer until Ichiro felt the radiating heat of the man's lips on his ear. "But I adore you obedient and teary-eyed the most, Mr St. James," he whispered, instantly creating an even more eerie tension.

Leaning back a little, Ichiro knit his brows in anger. "And what's _that_ supposed to mean? If you think this is funny, Dmitrij, let me tell you, it's not."

Firmly pressing down the handle and the Japanese's hand with it, Dmitrij leaned forward to close the distance again and smirked.

"Oh, this is, by no means, an attempt to tease you, Mr St. James. Maybe, I simply have had too many drinks and cocaine? Who knows? But maybe ... ah, anyhoo; it is more fun to keep this for our next encounter.

"Please, keep enjoying yourself for a bit longer, as I would fancy relishing more of your delightful sight tonight."

While the yogi's hot breath enveloped his neck, he delicately ran his fingertips along the Japanese's jawline, visibly enjoying the disgust in whose expression.

A shiver ran down Ichiro's spine, and as soon as Dmitrij let go of his hand, he took two steps forward. Clenching his jaw and wiping across it, he held his breath until the clicking sound of the closing bathroom door was heard.

Muffled laughter filled the air as the Japanese briskly left the corridor. While literally shaking off the feeling of disgust, he wondered if the repulsive creep ever got a chance to see him cry.

✵✵✵

Back in the garden, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath when Gabriel's rich and deep laughter suddenly filled the air — and the Japanese's heart.

_My sun..._

Ichiro turned his head to the direction of the sound that immediately made him feel at ease again. Gabriel's mere presence always was enough to calm him down. To let him forget about all the dark thoughts that poisoned his mind.

Even now, he was able to shove the previous encounter into the depths of his head, as his entire focus shifted to his lover. Everything was so simple when he was with his boyfriend, and that's why he was craving his company.

Another one of the swimmer's deep laughter rang through the garden and Ichiro opened his eyes again, staring directly at him. Gabriel was standing at a bar table, engrossed in a conversation with Richard.

His appearance was so dazzling that Ichiro's heart immediately started to race while everything around him mixed into an irrelevant blur.

He always was picky when it came to men, and there wasn't much they could do to get his attention, but he had a few weak spots. Unbuttoned shirts that gave sight to well-toned pecs, tailored shirts with rolled-up sleeves or tailored waistcoats, for example. And now, there was this tall, muscular and handsome swimmer standing in front of him, marking every single checkbox of this list.

His hair was slicked back with gel, highlighting his chiselled features, and causing a fluttery sensation in the Japanese's stomach. He felt his cheeks flush but tried to keep his usual aloof expression. However, seeing his lover like this only highlighted the intense emotions he felt for him. The happiness that flooded Ichiro's body involuntary turned his features into a bashful smile.

In the middle of a toothy grin, Gabriel's eyes suddenly darted over to his boyfriend. Playfully poking his tongue out at the corner of his mouth, he arched a brow and straightened up to his full, impressive height.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabrielpartychapter9d8jkn7.jpg)

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabrielpartychapter9tcokl4.jpg)

Richard turned around to look who caught his conversation partner's attention and awkwardly scratched the back of his head as he noticed how the guys stared at each other.

"Ah, um, I think I'll go and keep my wife company. Enjoy the evening, Gabe."

"Likewise, Rich," Gabriel replied while his eyes travelled up and down his lover's body. His expression shifted into a tender smile as their eyes locked again.

Passing Ichiro, Richard gently patted his son's shoulder but avoided eye contact. "I've heard that Gabriel stays over tonight. That's nice. Really nice. Well, um... If you'd do me a favour... Uhm... When you two, uh ... you know? Keep the volume down, alright? I like to sleep at night," he whispered, instantly making his son grimacing in response.

"The cringe is strong with you, dad..."

"Believe me when I say this is as embarrassing for me as it is for you. I never had to have _the talk_ before, so ... uh ... Use protection, I guess? Not to prevent pregnancy of course since neither of you has a uterus. I guess? And you'll use the wrong— No, Richard, don't," he softly muttered under his breath to himself while finally locking eyes with his son. "Anyway, uh ... there are certain venereal diseases, you know? And if it's ... Um, I actually have no idea how it works for guys, but lubrication is probably always the right answer?"

"Christ... Daaad..." Ichiro closed his eyes, grimaced anew, and rubbed his temples. "Don't you think it's a little late for that? And aside from that; remember my sudden doctor's appointment last week?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Gabriel had one as well."

For a brief moment, Richard frowned in confusion, looked over to Gabriel, and then back to Ichiro. Suddenly, his eyebrows shot up as it dawned on him. "Oooh...! Wow, that's... Wow! I thought you got some vaccinations or something but... Wow. You guys really behave responsibly, huh? I'm impressed!"

"Well, actually, we simply want to avoid the annoying hassle in the middle of—" Richard quickly pressed a finger to his son's lips. "Shhh, too much information. Don't ruin it."

Ichiro snickered while his father gently squeezed his arm. "I'm proud of you, I mean it. Enjoy the night, son. I love you."

"I love you too, dad." Blushing, Ichiro smiled awkwardly and averted his gaze whereas Richard turned around to vanish amongst a group of people.

Gabriel's tilted head, the narrowed eyes and the faint smirk on his lips clearly gave away the question he had in mind as Ichiro walked over to him.

"Dad and I just had a sex talk, and yes, it was as cringe-worthy as you imagine it. I didn't know he's capable of being so awkwardly adorable."

"I never saw him like that before. Richard acts entirely different when he's with you. I think it's charming," the swimmer smiled. Anyway, any good advice from papa St. James?"

"Between a lot of confused awkwardness and praise, he said that lube is the solution to everything. Even if dad clearly can't picture how gays have sex, he accidentally gave good advice."

Gabriel laughed out loud "I'm glad he provided us with this vital information. Oh, here," he shoved a glass over to his boyfriend "Rayne ordered me to get you a ginger ale. She left already, by the way."

"Thank you, yes, I thought as much. She was bored from the start and didn't want to attend at all but stayed for my sake." Taking the drink, Ichiro smiled lightly. "That's quite thoughtful, as she drank mine before. My sister really can be an angel if she wants to. She even helped me with my hair and the corset before."

"The corset..." Inclining his head, Gabriel gazed down to the exquisite garment. His eyes narrowed, he wetted his lips and rubbed the tip of his nose before quickly looking up again. Ichiro watched him curiously while sipping his drink, and the swimmer responded with a crooked smile "Hm? What is it?"

"You're checking me out."

"I do. Because you look sexy."

"Don't make me blush, Gabriel. Anyway, I really like what you're wearing today and what you did with your hair. It's perfect for you."

Gabriel smirked, faintly shaking his head. "Thank you, but the one who should get praised and complimented is you, Ichi, seriously.

"Your outfit, the hair, the makeup; everything looks amazing. Although amazing isn't the right word. Your stunning beauty turns heads wherever you go, which gets me a bit jealous, but how can I blame them, as I could stare at you forever, as well?"

Blushing fiercely, Ichiro rolled his eyes. "Geez, so corny... You're doing this on purpose, don't you?"

"Naturally." He snickered and winked at his lover.

"I want to object, though."

Gabriel arched a brow. "Wha—why?"

"It's almost cute how oblivious you are to your surroundings, Mister Montgomery." Ichiro leaned forward, looking as if he was about to tell a top-secret conspiracy theory. "Alright, let's take the neighbouring table, for example. Don't look over right away, but there's a group of, uh, six women standing, and believe me when I say that they're drooling over you."

"They're drooling?"

The Japanese lowered his brows, faintly inclining his head as he quietly stared at his boyfriend. "Gabriel... They're not literally coating the table in their saliva, you know? I mean that they're high-key interested in you. They all have flushed cheeks, glance over the whole time, whit their sparkling eyes, and then start whispering and giggling. And they already did that when you were standing here with dad."

"What— really?"

"Mhm."

Gabriel casually glanced over to the other bar table and was promptly greeted by broad smiles, waving hands and fluttering eyelids. Awkwardly, he greeted back with a nod and turned to his boyfriend again, blushing.

"Holy... I haven't noticed."

"I'm aware. You _never_ notice you know? It was the same back when we were visiting the Baroq House, when we strolled through town, and also at today's tournament."

"Seriously?"

Ichiro sighed, smiling defeated. "It's beyond my imagination how one can be so dense when it comes to their level of attractiveness.

"Gabriel, you wouldn't leave _any_ place all by yourself if you would intend to spend the night with someone, like, ever."

"Convenient, because I intend to spend the night with _you_." Smiling, he watched how his boyfriend's pupils dilated while his cheeks turned pink.

Shaking his head, Ichiro averted his gaze. "That's ... I just—can't even..."

Gabriel smirked and gently tugged on his lover's sleeve to pull him close.

"I mean it, Ichi. I want to leave the party and spend time with you," he whispered, his nose gently brushing Ichiro's ear.

He then placed a soft kiss on his lover's cheek, and both men smirked at the sudden sounds of disappointment coming from the neighbouring table.

Intertwining their fingers, Ichiro arched a brow as he gazed up to his boyfriend. "You really want to leave already?"

"We've barely seen each other for the past two weeks, and haven't had time alone beside the few minutes in the kitchen the other day. I'm famished, Ichi."

"Famished, huh? Well, well... Then, we better do something about it, hm?" Smiling, he turned around and gently tugged on Gabriel's hand.


	9. Equal

While Ichiro opened the glassy sliding door to the rooftop garden, Gabriel embraced him from behind, leisurely covering his neck with sensual kisses. Music and chatter from downstairs filled the dimly lit room as Ichiro turned around and slowly worked through the buttons of his boyfriend's waistcoat and shirt.

"You know, aside from the breakfast morning and your tournament, I haven't seen anything of your impressively well-toned body, and I think that's not okay."

Flabbergasted, Gabriel stared at his lover. "Oh, really? Shall I tell you something? Aside from your crop top action on the day of your arrival, I haven't seen  _ anything _ . At all," he retorted snappily, playfully underlining it with a pull on the corset.

"Your innocent soul would've been overwhelmed, my dear," Ichiro stated in a matter-of-fact tone while freeing Gabriel's torso from his clothes. 

Arching a brow, the swimmer searched his boyfriend's face for the hint of a smile, but there was none. "What's this? A twinge of arrogance? I'm truly shocked by this terrifying discovery. Are there any other dark secrets you're hiding from me?"

"Goofball," Ichiro huffed, gently moving his fingertips along the firm muscles, down to the waistband, causing goosebumps all over Gabriel's skin. "How about finding it out, hm?" Without breaking eye contact, Ichiro unbuckled his boyfriend's belt. "Undress me, Mister Montgomery," he whispered in an alluring voice, started kissing the swimmer's pecs, and slipped a hand inside his pants. 

"Ichi, what a— oh... shit."

His lover's cock in a firm grip, Ichiro started stroking it with skilful movements, making him hard in mere seconds. He paused for a brief moment and looked up with a smirk on his lips. "Of impressive size from head to toe, aren't you?" 

"Mhm, that's all yours now," the swimmer breathed, swiftly lifting Ichiro up to carry him over to the bed. 

Cool teal-coloured silk sheets shifted beneath their bodies as Gabriel laid his petite boyfriend carefully down. His heart hammered in his chest, as he was already excited over what was about to happen as he started to undress Ichiro with shaking hands. However, with his lover's hand around his cock and a teasing tongue between his lips, it was a difficult task to undertake. 

Gabriel already struggled to remove the collar, but unbuttoning the blouse turned out to be the real challenge. 

Distracted by the tingling sensation that spread through his entire frame, the swimmer managed to clumsily work his way down, until he reached the corset's solid and tightly knotted fabric. 

Sighing, Gabriel didn't even try but impatiently pulled on its hem instead. "Damn you, hot but annoying thing. Ichi, I—I need your help with this," he panted between kisses, and his boyfriend quickly reached back and pulled on the lacing's ends to loosen the knots. 

Together, they worked their way through all their garments, and Gabriel swallowed hard as the black boxer briefs were the only fabric left on Ichiro's body. 

"Ichi ... You really have no idea how gorgeous you are."

The Japanese's smooth and light skin shimmered milky in the faint light, and the swimmer felt the desire to cover every inch with kisses. 

In Gabriel's eyes, Ichiro looked soft and of average build when dressed, but seeing now how lean and toned he was, proved him wrong. The defined musculature reminded Gabriel of a ballet dancer, and it was definitely the result of a strict workout, which made him curious, but he saved that question for later.

Slowly, the swimmer traced his lover's v-line and smiled as he remembered how impressed he was when he first noticed it. 

"You really make me weak ... I could devour you," Gabriel whispered as his gaze, once more, travelled up and down Ichiro's body. 

The Japanese blushed and averted his gaze. "That you can say stuff like that with a straight face..."

Gabriel chuckled, leaned down and kissed Ichiro's cheek until he finally turned his head again. Stealing his lips, the swimmer gently tugged on the delicate chains that connected his boyfriend's nipple piercings.

"So... more piercings, huh?"

"Mhm. And tattoos."

"Ah, I already saw a part of this one before," he pointed at the  _ Scorpio  _ star constellation on Ichiro's chest. 

However, his lover smirked and shook his head. "Keep looking."

Since Gabriel didn't discover anything else while they undressed, he suddenly had a hunch why and became evidently conscious about it. Sitting back up, he awkwardly scratched the back of his head and gestured with his chin towards his boyfriend's shorts.

"They're down there, aren't they? Of course, they are since it's  _ you _ , we're talking about. Jesus Christ..."

"Oh? Are we suddenly getting shy, Mister Montgomery?"

"Maybe, yeah."

"That's not at all like your kitchen talk the other day, you know?" Ichiro teased while taking the chains off of his piercings. His expression turned into a tender smile as Gabriel laid down next to him. "We don't have to rush anything, keep that in mind, my dear."

Sighing, the swimmer delicately ran his fingers across his lover's soft waist, and Ichiro squirmed and shifted under his touch, suppressing a chuckle. "You either stop that or touch me more firmly because I'm super ticklish in that area and might inadvertently punch you if you keep doing that."

Gabriel huffed a laugh, squeezed the smooth flesh and locked eyes with Ichiro.

"I want to keep going, but since I'm inexperienced, you have to let me know what's okay for you. I don't want to accidentally hurt you or anything, so, um ... Please, guide me and tell me about your limits."

"You are so sweet, careful and attentive that I really don't know how I'm supposed to stick to my principles." 

"What do you mean?"

Ichiro sighed and rubbed his face. "You want to fuck me, right?"

Blushing, Gabriel averted his gaze. "Geez, you don't have to put it like that, you know?"

"Alright, um... Am I correct to assume that you're interested in sticking your penis into my—," quickly covering his lover's mouth with his hand, Gabriel squinted at him. "Don't you dare to make it worse, mate, but yeah, that's pretty much what's on my mind right now. If that's wrong, I'm sorry." 

Sighing anew, Ichiro gently kissed his boyfriend's fingertips as he removed his hand from his lips. "Of course, it's not wrong. See, the thing is that I'm usually not at the receiving end, and that's the only issue here." 

"Do you dislike it?"

"Hard to tell."

"What, haven't you tried it?"

Uncomfortably rubbing his neck, Ichiro said nothing but averted his gaze.

Gabriel couldn't stand his lover's sudden sombre expression and pulled him a little closer. 

"Is everything alright?" Gently caressing Ichiro's side, he kissed the top of his head.

"Yes, thank you. Anyway...," the Japanese took a deep breath and placed a kiss on Gabriel's lips. "I really enjoy being the active part, but I know that you won't hurt me, and I trust you, so, for now, I'm willing to try it again. But! If I'm getting uncomfortable, we'll stop immediately, Gabriel. There's no room for discussion, not even if you're already inside or whatever."

Brushing their noses together, Gabriel squeezed his lover gently. 

"I told you, I will not hurt you, and I mean it. 

"Like the total noob I am, I had to watch some gay porn and read a lot about this beforehand as to not be a totally unprepared embarrassment. Of course, I don't know how either of it feels, but I know that I want to find out."

Ichiro lifted a finger. "Wait, just to be clear, it's not as easy as it looks in porn, alright?" 

"Yeah, I know, but I've read it's getting easier if done regularly because of stretching and, uh stuff?"

"Mhm."

"Okay, anyway. If we both dislike being the passive part, we can simply stick to other activities, right? And in case we both enjoy it, we could switch regularly. I want us to be equal and compatible in all aspects, Ichi because I want us to have a healthy relationship."

Taking a deep breath, Ichiro rubbed his cheeks and smiled affectionately at his counterpart. "Gabriel..."

"Hm?"

"Ah... Nothing," he whispered, quickly burying his face in the crook of his lover's neck. Deeply inhaling as he embraced him tightly, Ichiro gently ran his fangs across the sensitive skin and kissed his way back to Gabriel's lips.

"Ichi, I ... I don't have to hold back anymore, right?"

The Japanese shook his head, and Gabriel impatiently pushed him onto his back. Hovering over him, he carefully slipped his fingertips beneath Ichiro's underpants and gently caressed the smooth skin. 

Although Gabriel felt __ nervous and shy before, was the rush of arousal, as Ichiro got hard right next to his hand, excessively outweighing every other emotion. He reached out and took his boyfriend's dick in a firm grip as soon as it impatiently twitched against his fingers. The soft moan that escaped Ichiro's lips worked like an aphrodisiac, and Gabriel quickly got up to his knees, stripped his boyfriend naked and stared at his erection. 

"I knew it," he whispered as he locked eyes with his lover. 

Ichiro winked at him, a lopsided grin on his lips. 

"Still waters run deep, huh?" The swimmer stated as his eyes darted back down. Ichiro's penis had two piercings on its underside, one in its tip, and a tattoo that looked like an abstract phoenix was right above it. 

"It's as unique as the rest of you. I really like it."

He firmly took hold of his lover's hips and gently stroke the soft skin with his thumbs as his gaze travelled across his entire, delicate frame. 

While in awe of Ichiro's ravishing beauty, Gabriel also noticed that they had a total lack of body hair in common. He was accustomed to it, as it was a usual practice amongst competitive swimmers to have it removed, to make use of every physical advantage. However, it was definitely uncommon for non-athletes.

"You're not only incredibly gorgeous but also super smooth, like, everywhere. I really love that."

"Well, I don't have much body hair, to begin with, and I don't like it anyway, which is why I had a laser removal last year."

Gabriel smiled in response without looking up, as his eyes followed his fingers which now roamed across Ichiro's body. As he passed the area next to the pierced cock, it twitched again, and the swimmer bit his lip.

"Man ... I really want to ... Um, can I ..."

"What, Gabriel?" There was this teasing undertone again that caused Gabriel to look up.

"What do you want to do, hm?" Ichiro's voice was low and sexy, his eyes narrowed as he grinned again.

"You really want me to say it, don't you?"

"Mhm. Communication is vital, Gabriel."

"Haaah, you freaking mean tease."

Ichiro laughed, propping himself up on his elbows. "Ah, well, maybe I'm also into dirty talk, who knows? So... What is it you want to do?"

Gabriel averted his red face as he stammered his request. "So embarrassing... Well, uh, I want to— No, that's— Err,  _ can  _ I, um, suck..."

"Pardon? I can't hear you." 

The swimmer heard the grin in Ichiro's voice and rolled his eyes in response. Taking a deep breath, he inclined his head, looked at his boyfriend and repeated himself as cheeky as possible.

"May I suck your cock, sir?"

Now it was Ichi, who fiercely blushed as he stammered his response while covering half of his face.

"Y—yeah. Go ahead, then..."

"Thank you very much." A smug grin on his lips, Gabriel lowered his head to his lover's chest, teasingly biting a nipple as he slowly kissed and licked his way down. 

The swimmer genuinely enjoyed all of Ichiro's reactions, as it was an indication for doing things the right way. Every squirm and every quiver his tongue and lips caused gave him a huge confidence boost and made his own dick rock hard in response.

Of course, he had no idea what he was doing, especially not how to give a proper blowjob. However, Gabriel knew what he would like and thought it would be best to try exactly that. His heart hammered violently in his chest as he finally reached his destination, and Ichiro's cock twitched in anticipation. 

Pre-cum glistened at the smooth tip as Gabriel reached for it to kiss it without hesitation. He liked the unfamiliar sensation, gently brushed his lips across the sleek and warm skin and kissed it again. His teeth carefully pulled at the tip's piercing, and while his hand smoothly kept stroking up and down, Gabriel teasingly slid his tongue from the tip to the base. 

Ichiro arched his back and subtly pushed his hips upwards, causing a fluttery sensation to settle down in the swimmer's stomach. 

"Gabriel... Are you— are you sure you want to do that?"

Lips brushing across the silky skin again, he hummed in response, coaxing Ichiro to join with the sweetest sound.

As his lover's tip impatiently pressed against his lips, Gabriel opened his mouth, and Ichiro slowly kept pushing.

The swimmer coated everything in saliva and gently but firmly started sucking, drew smooth circles with his tongue, and looked up to watch his lover's reaction. 

"You're doing amazing, Gabriel," Ichiro moaned while knitting his brows. Driving the tips of his tongue about his upper lip, he gazed with such intense desire at Gabriel that his heart skipped a beat. Seeing his lover in this state was exciting, but he wanted more. Wanted him to fall apart under his touch. Faster and more intense, he kept going until Ichi started panting while quickly pulling him up.

"You ... have to stop, or—" His lips were sealed with a kiss while his boyfriend hovered over him and finally got rid of his own shorts. Immediately, Ichiro reached for Gabriel's cock, giving him a skilful handjob as their tongues intertwined. The swimmer ran his hand through his lover's jet-black hair, mussing it up as he pulled some strands down, unable to keep his composure at the sensation.

Panting, he leaned back as he licked across Ichiro's lips. "The lube?" he whispered hoarsely, and his boyfriend's eyes darted over to the nightstand. Gabriel quickly rummaged through the drawer until he got hold of a tube-like object, and coated his hand in way too much of the liquid. Moaning into Ichiro's mouth, as his movements became a lot faster and rougher, the swimmer gently started to massage his lover's backside. He carefully slid his fingers up and down the sensitive area, and lightly pushed against it over and over again until Ichi arched his back and firmly pressed against it. Involuntary, Gabriel's fingertip entered, and got enveloped by hot and tight flesh. Although the feeling was pleasant, he didn't dare to move until Ichiro let go of his cock and grabbed his hand instead to push further. 

"Keep going, Gabriel. Move your finger," he panted but held his breath immediately, a faint moan stuck in his throat, as the swimmer cautiously did what was demanded.

"Am I hurting you?"

Shaking his head, Ichiro sunk back into the cushion, firmly clasping his lover's shoulder as he closed his eyes. "Just keep going, and add another one after a while. Maybe even a third, I don't know. However, don't forget the lube. It's our best friend, so simply lubricate  _ everything;  _ it's alright if we create a slippery mess. As you may have noticed, Mister Montgomery, your cock is pretty darn big, so I really have no idea how much I'll need to take you in without cursing in pain," he snickered. "Mmmh... Heck, I really dislike that I'm very much enjoying this." 

The corner of Gabriel's mouth twitched into a smirk at that comment, and his heart started to flutter. 

The overall atmosphere was so pleasant and comfortable that the swimmer didn't feel awkward or self-conscious at all. Being with Ichiro felt natural and right, and being the reason for his boyfriend's lust and pleasure was incredibly satisfying. 

He shifted his weight and adjusted his hand's position a little to penetrate him even deeper; added another finger, and curled them up to massage the prostate. He enjoyed watching the subtle change in Ichiro's already aroused expression; how he immediately moaned and moved his hips in response. The Japanese plunged his nails into his lover's arm as he dared to slow down, and when he begged him not to stop, Gabriel couldn't name the feeling but wanted to be the only one who made Ichiro react this way.

"Does it feel good, or should I change anything?" he asked in a soft voice, tenderly caressing his lover's face as he placed a kiss onto his forehead.

"Don't worry," he whispered out of breath. "Your sensitive nature comes in handy; it—mmmh... feels amazing, and I think we can try to—"

"God, yes! I want you on top of me, Ichi," Gabriel purred, impatiently cutting his lover off. 

"Look how needy you are, Mister Montgomery." Ichiro laughed, grabbing a handful of the swimmer's hair to gently pull him down for a kiss.

"Needy, yeah, I'm about to explode, you know? I really can't hold back any longer." Carefully drawing out his fingers, Gabriel tightly grabbed his lover's waist as he rolled over to switch positions. Ichiro straddled him in a swift motion, untying his hair while he leaned down. "Do me a favour and don't move at all for the time being. I'll do everything myself and let you know when I'm comfortable with it, alright?"

"Alright." Gabriel kissed the tip of his lover's nose and gently caressed his waist. "Now, I'm nervous again."

"I'm nervous as well, but don't worry, we make a good pair and will rock it." Smiling reassuringly, the Japanese skillfully lubricated Gabriel's cock before he slowly lowered himself down on it.

It didn't take long before an almost overwhelming sensation rushed from the swimmer's core to every corner of his body as his tip slowly penetrated his lover. Ichiro halted for a moment and shyly averted his gaze as he adjusted to the size. He stiffened, and clumsily tugged a strand of loose hair behind his ear.

Gabriel gently caressed his boyfriend's stomach while carefully avoiding to move. "Does it hurt?"

"Mhm... A little bit. It's because I'm not used to it, so, just give me a moment."

"Let's stop if it hurts."

"No, it's alright," he breathed through his lips as he cautiously pushed down a little further. "I'll be fine in no time."

Bit by bit, Ichiro lowered down until he sat in Gabriel's lap. A crooked smile on his lips, he finally relaxed and reached towards his lover. "Could you sit up? I want to hug you."

"Christ, you can be so darn cute, I love you." Gabriel sighed, enveloped Ichiro in a tight embrace and showered him with gentle kisses before he abruptly tensed up after realising what he just said. 

His heart hammered in his chest as he held his breath while his mind went into full chaos. 

"Shit! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that! We only know each other for a short while, so, uh... It's ridiculous to call it love, right? I mean, how can I feel love after such a short time, huh? Oh, God, this is awkward... I've messed up, haven't I? I'm so sorry." 

He didn't dare to look at his boyfriend as he leaned back to let go of him while the lust from only seconds ago turned into a rueful tragedy. 

However, Ichiro quickly pulled him back into his embrace. "Hey, Gabriel?"

"Mh."

"Would you look at me, please?"

Drawing a deep breath, the swimmer hesitantly peered up, his expression awfully similar to that of an abandoned puppy. 

Ichiro smiled tenderly as he gently cupped his boyfriend's cheeks. "You can't control what your heart decides to feel, and as long as  _ I  _ don't consider it ridiculous, it should be fine, right? 

"But besides that, what you just said made me pretty happy, Gabriel. Because I love you too."

"Wha— for real?!"

Gabriel knit his brows as an indefinable sound left his throat, crashed his lips against Ichiro's and squeezed him tight while pulling him deeper into his lap.

"Mh, careful, Mr Handsome! Don't forget that we're still connected."

"Ah, shit! Sorry, sorry!" He quickly grabbed Ichiro by the waist and effortlessly lifted him up. "Let me slip out."

Making a disapproving noise while sucking Gabriel's lip between his teeth, Ichiro pushed back down and slowly rolled his pelvis against his lover's hip. "I want you to keep going," he purred, crossing his arms behind the swimmer's neck. "Help me a bit here, hm?"

"Gladly."

Adjusting his grip on his boyfriend's waist, Gabriel inhaled sharply as he gingerly started to move. "God... This. Feels. Freaking. Amazing," he whispered with each careful thrust, firmly pulling Ichiro deep down into his lap. "How does it feel for you? Are you all right?"

"I am, and it feels great. That really irks me," Ichiro snickered, and Gabriel joined in.

Sharing tender touches and showering each other with soft kisses, Gabriel kept thrusting in a gentle rhythm until Ichiro firmly pushed him back down into the sheets. 

"What now?" he asked while raising a brow in curiosity. 

His lover's lips curled into a wry smile. "Well, you know... Actually, I'm not a fan of this fluffy stuff."

"You aren't?"

"No."

Gabriel pulled Ichiro down, slid an arm around his back, and carefully reversed their position. "That's convenient because I'd love to do you harder," he stated in a low voice as he aligned himself between his lover's legs.

Ichiro smirked as his boyfriend firmly pulled his thighs up to his hips.

"Aren't you perfect, Mister Montgomery? A wolf in sheep's clothing, as I said before."

"Nah, I just try to keep up with you. Although, you're actually a bad influence. I was so innocent before I met you and now, look at me, imagining all those lewd things about you." He slowly started thrusting again.

"I beg your pardon?" Laughing, Ichiro cupped his lover's hands. "Share your dirty thoughts with me, my dear." Biting his lip, he watched how Gabriel's firm muscles shifted underneath his tan skin as each thrust filled him with that peculiar rollercoaster-sensation.

"Right now," the swimmer breathed, "I just want to turn you into a sweaty and moaning mess. Because the idea of breaking a composed and disciplined person like you down to their primal instincts is utterly thrilling."

"Well then...," Ichiro crossed his arms behind his head, a smug grin on his lips. "Good luck."

"How imprudent to say that to someone with a competitive nature; you'll regret that," Gabriel winked, a confident smile on his lips. "Christ, this is so good... I never want to do anything else anymore." Leaning down, the swimmer reached for Ichiro's wrists, pulled them up above his head and intertwined their fingers. "Being this close to you makes me almost feel too much." He brushed their noses together and kissed his lover tenderly. 

"You make me very happy, Gabriel," Ichiro breathed in response while moving his hips to his boyfriend's gentle rhythm.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=wocchapter10intimateaqtjy2.jpg)

Claire's party was still in full swing when Gabriel became more confident and a bit rougher with each thrust. He touched his lover more firmly, bit his neck until his sweet moans were tinged with pain, but gulped when Ichiro took his hand to place it around his delicate throat. 

Moved by the level of trust, but also incredibly turned on, Gabriel gently pressed his fingers into the soft flesh and locked eyes with him, his expression almost pleading. 

"Ichi, no— Unless you really want me to ruin you."

Ichiro smirked and clasped his boyfriend's hand more tightly around his neck as he smoothly rolled his hips into another one of Gabriel's vigorous thrusts.

"Go ahead, Mister Montgomery. Ruin me."

About half an hour later, the Japanese regretted his attitude from before as his flushed body was covered in bite marks, quivering and dripping wet from head to toe. 

As he was biting into a blanket to stifle the moans of yet another orgasm, Gabriel reciprocated his lover's teary-eyed death glare with a smirk. Gradually slowing down, as he had reached his own climax as well, the swimmer swiped sweaty strands of hair from Ichiro's face. 

Smiling tenderly, he placed a kiss onto his forehead. "You look so adorable right now," he whispered out of breath, tracing the black marks on his lover's cheeks. "Your eyeliner is all over the place, my little panda."

Still fiercely panting, Ichiro pulled up the blanket to his eyes and kept glaring at him.

"Whereas you ... didn't even ... break a sweat. You're weird."

Gabriel huffed a laugh. "I'll have you know, I  _ am  _ sweating, but I'm a competitive swimmer who's constantly training; what did you expect my stamina and overall constitution to be, hm?"

"I don't know. Not like this, at least," Ichiro answered snappily in a muffled voice. "Moreover, it was your first time, so I was sure you wouldn't last long. Angel, my ass! You're a relentless demon with racehorse stamina. I feel scammed."

Laughing out loud, Gabriel pressed their foreheads together. "I tell you my secret. I jerked off before I came over."

Pulling the blanket down again, Ichiro smirked and arched a brow.

"Don't look at me like that," the swimmer gently flicked his lover's nose "It was necessary to avoid a  _ two-minutes-embarrassment _ . 

"As Miguel de Cervantes once said, ' _ To be prepared _ _ is half the victory'.  _ Pretty good advice if you ask me."

"So, you're telling me that you're not only a caring, thoughtful, handsome and successful competitive sportsman but also __ well-read? I thought it would be impossible, but you just became ten times hotter, Gabriel."

Blushing, and with a crooked smile on his lips, the swimmer carefully slipped out of his lover and rolled over to pull him into a gentle embrace.

"Was I too rough?"

"Absolutely not, but you took too long."

"But it wasn't that long?"

"Yeah, right," Ichiro huffed and rolled his eyes. "You forgot that this way around was a first for me as well. Thirty minutes of rough pounding, seriously, Gabriel... My poor backside is sore as hell."

"I'm so sorry. It won't happen again, I promise."

"It's alright. I could've said something, but— You were so excited that I couldn't bring myself to tell you to stop. So, I'm not mad at you, okay?"

"Okay, but," still looking like a sad puppy, Gabriel kissed his lover gently "I really feel bad about this. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?"

"Oh, yes, definitely," Ichiro answered quickly, a devilish grin on his lips. "Next time,  _ I  _ will ravage  _ you  _ until you see stars, Mister Montgomery, and I will thoroughly enjoy it." 

Ichiro underlined his statement with a glare and by folding his arms across his chest but failed to keep up his act as his lover started to laugh.

Placing a kiss on top of his head, Gabriel tenderly squeezed his boyfriend.

"You can be quite scary, but I will accept my well-deserved punishment. And now, I'll take care of you, my love."


	10. How Little We Know

_Nov. 24th.19_

_I'm about to head out, and just wait for Gabriel to come back, but I need to write a few things down before we leave, or my nervousness won't settle down at all._

_My incredibly hot boyfriend is fetching some pain killers for Rayne. The tamanegi totally knocked herself out with cocktails last night and has a bad hangover now. Rookie. Anyway, that's why I don't have much time._

_I made Dango this morning because we'll visit Gabriel's family today, and I'm so freaking nervous that I'm literally shaking. I wonder if I can decipher my writing should I ever read this again._

_Gabriel said his grandma is cool with him being gay and having a boyfriend. Apparently, she's eager to get to know me, which is cute. Makes me happy. His mum, on the other hand, isn't happy at all. He didn't go into detail because he isn't even sure what exactly is the issue, but he assumes it has something to do with his dad. However, he also said, she wouldn't have anything against me personally but doesn't like the fact that her son decided to be openly gay. And she's still convinced that he isn't actually gay but just 'in a phase'._

_I never had to meet with any partner's parents until now, and I'm not nervous because I'm afraid she could despise me. Personally, I couldn't care less, as I had to deal with people who disliked me for no reason my entire life._

_No, this is all about Gabriel because I don't want to cause any problems for him. And it will be a big problem if Jennifer decides that she can't stand me and my relationship with her son because that's something he won't swallow. Gabriel is a gem, and very kind-hearted, but he's also stubborn as fuck. If Mister Montgomery made up his mind, he doesn't let go; I mean it._

_It was actually a bit scary how coldly he talked about it. It seems like he's not afraid to immediately cut ties if someone decides to go against his life decisions, and we're talking about his own mother here. I don't know... Is that something I should be concerned about?_

_If this will cause a fight between them ... Haaah... I already feel guilty thinking about it. Guess it's best to wait and see what happens._

_However, the little bright spot in this dark mess is Ava — I'm really excited to meet the little one, and this might sound weird, but if_ **_she_ ** _decides to not like me, it'll break my heart, haha._

_Being an only child was horrible. Especially after dad left. Man... I still can't even write about it..._

_I always wanted little siblings. I always wanted to spoil them with love and affection. Wanted to care for them, to protect them. Basically, I wanted to give someone everything I craved for._

_Yeah, I have Rayne now, but she's almost my age. She's an adult and doesn't care much if I pamper her or not. Which I actually never wanted to do anyway. Geez, I really disliked the little brat, didn't I? And look at me now; the moment she called me nii-san for the first time, the damn tamanegi melted my heart. I still want to strangle her from time to time, though. However, she's actually a nice person underneath that bratty layer of self-protection._

_Anyway!_

_Ava. She just turned six and is a smart, curious and lively girl, says Gabriel. It would be amazing if I could form a connection with her, but she probably doesn't want another big-brother figure. Gabriel said they often fight and she always yells at him that she wants to be an only child, which is pretty funny. However, maybe we can be friends. I'd love to take her to an amusement park or zoo or something. "Lame" family stuff with Gabriel and Ava that would be nice. Does that sound creepy? I don't want to be a creep. I just want to experience having a family. I love kids, and I'd love to have my own one day, but let's be honest, that'll probably never happen, so ... Trips with Gabriel and his little sister will be the closest I can get. Wow ... I feel so pathetic right now..._

_I think I'll better stop and wait outside for Gabriel._

✵✵✵

The hot, Australian November sun relentlessly shone down the afternoon sky, slowly heating and burning everything that couldn't make a quick escape. Standing in the Montgomery family's driveway, the black _Audi A7_ 's interior already felt like an oven, growing hotter with each passing second, yet both men refused to get out. It has been a short drive of about ten minutes, including red lights, which surprised Ichiro, as he wasn't aware that Gabriel actually lived in this posh neighbourhood as well. 

Staring at the sand-coloured, expensive-looking brick house next to them, he was absentmindedly fumbling at the small box's lid that sat in his lap. A sigh, followed by a mechanic click, broke the momentary silence.

"We either go or die of heatstroke in a few minutes," Gabriel joked, placing a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek, whose seatbelt he reached over to unbuckle.

"Didn't know you also live in Middle Park," Ichiro muttered, more to himself than addressing his lover.

"This isn't Middle Park anymore but St. Kilda."

"Oh, alright. But it's also a rich kid area, isn't it?"

"No, not entirely. It's a bit of everything, and highly frequented by tourists." An awkward smile on his lips, Gabriel scratched his head before he continued hesitantly "But this is St. Kilda's wealthy district, yes." 

Still staring at the house, the Japanese hummed in response and fell silent again. Gabriel was about to open his door as his lover addressed him anew.

"We could've walked, you know? Well, actually," Ichiro turned his head to face his boyfriend, disapproval written all over his features, "you could always walk. Or ride a bike or whatever. Why are you always using your car for this small distance, you freaking polluter?"

Clicking his tongue, Gabriel folded his arms across his chest, leaned back into the seat and quietly watched his lover for a brief moment.

"I'll have you know that, whenever I can, I walk to the Gainsborough mansion, but I'm taking the car if I have to run errands before or after. Or when I'm heading over right after my training; which is in the sports and aquatic centre in Albert Park, as you know. So, um, maybe stop assuming things if you don't know about the facts, hm?" he winked while his lips curled into a smug smile.

"Touché," Ichiro huffed, crossing his arms as well. "So... I'm dating a freaking rich kid...," he sighed, "I didn't know. Rayne never said anything, and neither have you."

Gabriel arched a brow in amusement. "Well, I thought it was obvious. Why else would I be friends with an actress' daughter, visit top-notch schools, and own this car at my young age?"

"Yeah... this freaking car ... Unnecessary waste of money," Ichiro muttered softly while examining the luxurious interior. "Well, anyway, how should _I_ know, Gabriel? I didn't want to assume things, you know?" he smirked, and immediately, his boyfriend's deep laughter filled the air as he leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'm just teasing you, Ichi. Usually, I don't like to talk about it, but how about I tell you everything later? Let's go down to the beach when we're done here. The St Kilda Pier is worth a visit anyway."

"Oh, I'd love that," Ichiro whispered against his lover's lips before he kissed him tenderly.

Opening the driver's door, Gabriel watched his boyfriend for a brief moment. "Are you nervous?" 

"Absolutely. But I still have my bribery to help me break the ice." Shaking the food container, Ichiro smiled faintly.

"Ava and Grandma will be over the moon," the swimmer got off of the car, walked around the front and opened Ichiro's door, "but I'm not sure about my mother. However, I appreciate that you went through such lengths for my family, thank you."

"Gabriel..." the Japanese shook his head, slowly following his boyfriend to the front door, "you already thanked me how often, five times? It's just _Dango_. I wanted to make some for you anyway, and it really wasn't a big deal to make some more, so we can share it with your family, alright?"

"Alright."

Sighing, Gabriel leaned down for another quick kiss before he unlocked the door. "Here goes nothing..."

Simultaneously, both men took a deep breath and entered the Montgomery family's home.

✵✵✵

Sun-yellow painted walls greeted the Japanese, and immediately created a warm atmosphere as they walked down the corridor. Ichiro's eyes sparkled while he looked around, a bright smile on his lips as he examined the colourful vintage shabby chic style interior. With every overhauled thrift store gem he discovered, his heart joyfully leapt in his chest. 

The heavy pieces of furniture were painted in various shades of pastel chalk paint and decorated with hand-painted flower ornaments. Multi-coloured bead curtains swayed in door frames, twinkling in the bright sunlight. And plenty of motley framed family pictures, children's drawings, and plants of different sizes were plastered all over the living-dining room. 

Funky 80's music played from the old-school cassette recorder that was standing on the kitchen counter, and the Japanese caught himself bobbing his head to the beat. 

The delicious smell of freshly baked apple pie hung in the air, and Ava's carefree laughter rang out from the backyard. Everything seemed perfect, and Ichiro was convinced that someone with such a colourful, artistic soul, and a wonderful son as Gabriel couldn't be a bad person.

"Gabe!"

A little girl with wild, blonde locks suddenly stumbled through the patio door, clumsily sliding across the wooden floor tiles. Dripping wet from head to toe, she carried a watering can and spilt its contents everywhere while she was chased by an equally wet ball of white fur.

"Help me! Idéfix is mad at me because I dumped water on him! Aaaaaah! Oh! Hi, Gabe's friend!"

She ran about the swimmer, grinned at Ichiro and quickly sprinted back outside, the small dog still on her heels.

Gabriel clicked his tongue. "Well... that was Ava for you."

"She's so cute, I'm going to die. That curly hair and the freckles ... she looks like a little angel."

"Get to know her, and you'll locate her a _little_ bit further down," the swimmer grinned.

"She can't be that bad. Kids are amazing. Anyway, what about Idéfix? Why haven't you told me that you have a dog? I _love_ dogs! Especially those with cool names.

Idéfix is the original name of Dogmatix from _The Adventures of Asterix_ — who came up with it? That's so awesome.

"I really love everything about the house! So colourful, warm, inviting and cosy. Heavenly — it's so fitting that your name is Gabriel."

A fond smile on his face, the swimmer's eyes followed Ichiro walking over to the kitchen counter, where he put down his box with desserts. The young man was giddy with excitement, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes gleamed with affection. Gabriel adored the sight but feared, his mother could crush it within seconds. 

He took a deep breath to relief some of the tension and walked over to Ichiro. "Take it with you," he gestured to the Dango container before taking his lover's hand to lead him outside to the garden. 

Another happy smile adorned the Japanese's face at the sight of the fairy-tale backyard. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to enjoy the floral scent.

The large lawn was contorted, surrounded by a high hedge, and harboured many different deciduous trees. A hammock was taut between two of them, and a big, weeping willow with a wooden swing stood right next to a swimming pond of moderate size. Separated by a two-meter wooden fence that was fully covered by a climbing rose, the tip of a white pavilion was visible in the back. That was obviously the spot where Ava was playing, as her cheerful laughter rung out from that direction.

"Idéfix is grandma's dog," Gabriel stated, and Ichiro's gaze shifted back to his handsome features. "He's already twelve years old and always has to put up with Ava's mischief. Sometimes, she even dresses him in one of her skirts, makes him wear sunglasses or clown wigs. She's nuts." He muttered the last words, and Ichiro laughed about his deadpan delivery while leaning against his side. "I bet he's sick and tired of her."

"Yeah, safe bet if you ask me."

His lover stared at him with a beaming smile on his lips, but Gabriel's gaze quickly darted past him, as his mother came into sight. 

A pair of secateurs in her hand, Jennifer Montgomery slowly took off her gardening gloves while watching her son with an indifferent expression. Gabriel gently nudged Ichiro to make him turn around, and he instantly switched into well-mannered Asian boyfriend-mode. 

"What the—? Wow...," he whispered in awe, slightly inclining his head as he watched the swimmer's mother while she casually sauntered over. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=jennifermontgomeryao3ibkl1.jpg)

Mrs Montgomery was a short and curvy woman with a wild mane of red locks, prominent brows, fiery, dark brown eyes, freckles and tan skin. And neither the deep frown on her youthful features nor her curled, full lips could conceal her beauty. 

Still occupied with the gardening tools, probably to avoid a handshake, Jennifer's demeanour towards Ichiro was aloof, mildly put. However, he kept smiling, as he was used to subtle aversion, and it was something he always handled well. 

With a genuine friendly expression, he addressed her in a warm voice.

"Misses Montgomery, hello!" he bowed low before he continued, "My name is Ichiro St James, I'm so happy to finally make your acquaintance." Straightening up to full height again, he slightly lifted the box in his hands. "My heartfelt thanks for your hospitality." 

"Those are amazing Japanese desserts, Ichiro made this morning," Gabriel added as he gently squeezed his boyfriend's shoulder. However, Jennifer ignored him and kept her appraising gaze on the stranger. "G'day. To greet my mother and daughter as well, let my son show you to the seating area at the pavilion. I will clean myself before I join you." 

The hint of a genuine smile flitted across her face, but she quickly hid behind her aloof mask again. Without waiting for them to react, Mrs Montgomery abruptly walked past the young men and vanished inside the house. 

Even though Jennifer tried to hide it, the fact that she simply was a loving, protective and concerned mother underneath the cold surface was obvious to Ichiro. She was like an open book, and he was relieved about it, as it would make every further interaction much easier.

"Boy...," Ichiro sighed and turned to Gabriel, who smiled lopsidedly.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry."

"Your mum is hot."

"What?!"

"What?" Ichiro started laughing at his boyfriend's grimace, playfully nudging him with his elbow as they made their way to the pavilion. "Don't worry, you're hotter — which means that your dad has to have looked fantastic as well, as you don't resemble your mother at all. You have to show me pictures, or my curiosity will kill me."

"Wait, wait, wait," Gabriel lifted his hands, frowning at his lover. "You seriously think my mother is hot?"

"Well, yes? And I mean that in the most respectful way, of course. She's gorgeous, Gabriel. And still pretty young, it seems?"

"Yeah, she was only seventeen when she got pregnant, which caused quite the commotion and was the reason why my dad broke with his parents."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear."

"Nah, it's okay, don't worry. I'll tell you more about it later." He smiled at his lover, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Sooo... You like your girls a bit on the chubby side, eh?"

Swatting the swimmer's arm, Ichiro glared at him. 

"Chubby? The voluptuous goddess that happens to be your mother isn't simply chubby. Have you seen her strong arms and legs? The calves! She looks like a fierce warrior queen who steps on her opponents while swinging her greataxe to her powerful battle cry. Have more respect, as she's perfect."

Gabriel laughed a heartfelt laugh. "Yeah, for the most part, that's what happens when Ava and I don't clean the house. She's single, you know?"

Ichiro clicked his tongue. "Dang, I _just_ started dating a guy."

"What a bummer!"

"I know, right?! Man... Imagine her in heavy armour with huge shoulder pieces and—"

Gabriel sighed. "Not in my wildest _Lord of the Rings_ -like fantasy dreams have I ever had to compete against my mother to win the heartthrob's favour."

Snickering, they arrived at the pavilion and made Gabriel's grandmother look up from her book. A bright smile on her face, she removed her sunglasses and got up from her seat. She was a striking lady, probably in her sixties, slim, and as short as her daughter. They resembled each other a lot, except for the bold makeup, the nose stud, and the purple-dyed pixie haircut. 

"There you are, finally! Hello, hello, hello!" She circled the table and took Ichiro's hand in hers. "My, my, you really are as beautiful as Gabe was boasting around! My grandson's constant prattle about you was endearing, but he really got on my nerves, you know? So, I'm glad to finally meet you, young man! I'm Cynthia!"

Ichiro couldn't help but grin as he shook the elderly woman's hand and bowed. "Ichiro St James, it's nice to make your acquaintance, Mrs Fitzgerald."

"My goodness! You speak our language so well, and you have teeth like a wildcat, how unique!"

She clasped her cheeks and stared wide-eyed at his mouth, clearly interested but too polite to ask to show them once more. 

Ichiro chuckled. "Those are implants. I got them last winter. Well, _my_ winter in Japan, so, uh, February." He bared his teeth in a wide grin again to let her have another look.

"I see, I see," Cynthia examined the fangs thoroughly. "Truly something rare. Can you eat smoothly, lad? And how about kissing? Other activities?"

"Gran!"

"What?" 

"I'm sorry, Ichi." Gabriel sighed while Cynthia blinked innocently at him.

His cheeks tinged in bright pink, the Japanese smiled shyly and averted his gaze. "Everything works smoothly, thank you for your concern, Mrs Fitzgerald."

"Oh, would you stop calling me that? It makes me feel old! Cynthia is fine!"

"Ma'am, I could never—"

"Ma, if you're done making that boy uncomfortable, how about sitting down again? We should eat the pie as long as it's warm." Jennifer glared at her mother as she started to set up the table.

"Yeah, yeah, but have you seen his teeth, hun? They're worth the look!"

" _I_ want to see the kitty teeth!" Ava shouted, clumsily balancing a pile of plates in her tiny arms as she followed her mother. However, Jennifer silenced her with a stern glare before she turned back to Cynthia.

"I have, and I don't care. The boy's teeth are obviously doing their job, or he wouldn't have them, so stop pestering him and start helping me instead. Take the plates from Ava."

Cynthia huffed at her daughter's bossy behaviour while turning to her grandchild as Ichiro already addressed the girl in a soft voice, a bright smile on his lips. 

"May I help you with the plates, little lady?"

Suddenly, Gabriel's usually lively sister became quiet, and her face beet-red. She nodded while shoving the plates against the Japanese's chest and hastily ran back into the house. Frowning in confusion, he turned to the swimmer.

"Did I scare her?"

"Mh, I assume it's quite the opposite," he grinned and started following his sister. "I'll check on her and bring an extra plate for the Dango."

"Gabriel, no. Don't leave me alone...," Ichiro whispered to himself. 

Slightly panicking, he turned around and arranged the plates as casually as possible while his heart hammered in his chest. Cynthia hummed a cheerful melody as she distributed the forks, but instead of lightening the mood, it only added to the tension that already hung in the air.

"Sit down, boy, we're doing the rest." The tone of Mrs Montgomery's voice and the look she was shooting him left no room for discussion. 

The Japanese nodded in response, and Cynthia reassuringly patted his shoulder as he took the seat next to hers. Fortunately, Gabriel already appeared in sight again, a happily chatting Ava in tow. Handing her brother the plate she was carrying, the girl shyly scurried over until she stood next to Ichiro. A faint blush crept up her cheeks as she locked eyes with the Japanese. 

"Gabe said you'd have a surprise for me," she whispered while nestling on the tablecloth's fringes. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the Montgomery family sat down, and Gabriel casually started a conversation with his grandmother as he provided everyone with iced tea. 

Ichiro smiled gently at his lover's sister as he opened the Dango container's lid. 

"Mhm, I have. Gabriel told me that your favourite colour is sky blue."

Her gaze still glued to his face, Ava nodded eagerly. 

Smiling anew, the Japanese gestured to the seat next to him. "Will you sit here?"

Again, she nodded and hopped into the garden chair. Ichiro grinned, carefully took one of the skewers out of the box and placed it onto the girl's plate.

"This is _Hanami-Dango_ , a popular sweet from my home country, traditionally served in early spring when the cherry trees start to blossom. Usually, the dumplings are green, white, and pink, like this one, but I made some especially for you."

He took out another skewer and placed it next to the first one. Three juicy, light blue dumplings shimmered in the sunlight, and Ava immediately clapped her hands in excitement. "Oooh, they're so pretty! Thank you!" Squealing excitedly, she leaned over and happily tugged on the Japanese's sleeve. "They look like the sky _and_ like your eyes, kitty guy!"

Ichiro felt her mother's wary gaze on him but did his best to ignore it.

Laughing, he tousled the girl's locks. "Kitty guy, hm?" 

Ava averted her blushing face. "Your name is difficult to pronounce, and you have cat teeth, so..."

"Do you want to know the Japanese word for cat?"

"Yes, please!" 

"It's _Neko_. Can you say that?"

"Ne-ko. Neko. Yes!"

"That's fantastic! So, how about you practice my name's pronunciation with your brother, and call me Neko until you feel confident enough to say Ichiro?"

"Yes, thank you!" Ava hopped from her seat to hug the Japanese impulsively. "You're a nice guy, Neko, I like you!"

Chuckling, Ichiro blinked away the tears that suddenly welled up in his eyes. As he became aware that it was quiet around them, he turned his head and blushed fiercely as his gaze met that of a tenderly smiling Gabriel. Cynthia grinned while she happily chewed on a dumpling, whereas the flustered Mrs Montgomery stabbed her share of apple pie.

"Seems like you're making fast friends, my dear chap," Cynthia stated as she put a slice of pie on his plate. 

"Ava and I baked it, enjoy your meal! And let me tell you, your Dango is most delicious! I would be utterly thrilled if you decide to share various of your traditional foods with us whenever you visit!"

"Tch, you're so greedy, gran," Gabriel frowned at her, but Cynthia only shrugged and reached for another skewer.

While the tea time went on peacefully, Gabriel, Ava, their grandmother and Ichiro talked about many topics, whereas Mrs Montgomery decided to just listen. Occasionally, she watched her son or the Japanese with an indifferent expression but refrained from engaging in the conversation. However, as the topic shifted to Ichiro, his first impressions of Australia, and his life in Japan, a sudden clank interrupted the chat. Gabriel's mother had thrown her fork onto the plate and now clenched her jaw as she cleaned her hands with a napkin. She glared at her son and took a deep breath.

"Barely four weeks, Gabe. The boy isn't even here for a month, yet you basically decided immediately after his arrival that you're suddenly homosexual. And that you have to be in a relationship with him. And now we're sitting here, talking about him, and all I can hear is that you actually know nothing about him. So, tell me, how can you decide something so important, something that can have a severe negative impact so carelessly? The boy is practically a stranger to you, yet you're willingly risking your future for a bit of self-exploration? You could've done that behind closed doors, Gabriel! You're incredibly irresponsible!"

" _The boy_ has a name, ma, and that's Ichiro. You haven't referred respectfully to him once, and I don't like that," Gabriel stated in a low voice, sternly holding his mother's gaze.

Ava looked up from Ichiro's lap, confusion written all over her face. "Why are they fighting?" she whispered, nervously poking the last dumpling on her skewer. 

The Japanese reacted quickly, lifted the little girl up and placed her on the ground to stand up as well.

"Ava, would you show me your room? I bet you have some awesome toys, and I'd love to see them."

"Fantastic idea, I'll join you!" Cynthia got up from her seat and quickly shooed Ava towards the house.

Ichiro's eyes darted over to his lover once more. Gabriel and his mother were still staring at each other, creating a tension that made the Japanese highly uncomfortable. He decided not to say anything and simply followed Cynthia and Ava into the house, the feeling of guilt almost crushing him.

"Was it necessary to humiliate me, ma? To be this embarrassing in front of him? In front of Ava? Was it necessary to treat my boyfriend like an outsider?" 

As Jennifer didn't answer, Gabriel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"I told him about your reaction yesterday. Ichi _knew_ what was about to happen when he agreed to join me today, yet he didn't care. He was nervous, but more than anything, he was excited to meet you all. We stayed up late, he barely got more than two hours of sleep because he wanted to go to the supermarket early in the morning. Wanna know why? To make those damn sweets for you. 

"Ichi treated you respectfully and friendly, heck, he even genuinely complimented your beauty when you went inside before! Even after you haven't had the decency to introduce yourself! And that's what you're offering him in return?"

Scowling, Jennifer chucked her napkin onto the table.

"Watch your mouth, Gabriel, and don't you dare make this about me! I will not allow you to dodge my question by changing the topic! You kissed him at the tournament! Whole Victoria could see it as it was broadcasted on TV! Future sponsors, coaches, event organiser, our friends; everyone will talk about it!"

"Who the hell cares, ma?!"

"I care, Gabriel! You're ruining chances over something so trivial as exploring your sexuality!"

"Trivial? Are you kidding me? And I'm not ruining _anything_ _!_ How freaking weird would it be when people decide to give or to not give me a chance for whatever, based on my sexuality? I'm a swimmer, not a call boy! I don't want to sign contracts with homophobic pricks, and that has nothing to do with my sexuality!" 

"Fine! But kissing him in public was unnecessary!"

"Why, though? Ichi is my boyfriend, why should I hide that?"

"How can you be in a relationship with someone you know nothing about? You were so surprised earlier when he told about his life in Japan. You didn't even know his mother's name!" Jennifer leaned forward, fixing her outraged gaze on her son. 

"What's his favourite colour? Favourite food? Drink? What about his shoe size? What are his future plans, hm?"

Sighing, the swimmer rubbed his face. "Teal."

"Come again?"

"Ichiro's favourite colour. It's teal."

"And that's it, Gabriel?" Jennifer laughed bitterly. "You two are strangers, sexually attracted to one another, and nothing more. And for that, you're throwing away possibilities. What if you discover that he's not as amazing as you thought? What if you realise that you're not into him? Into men? After already carelessly causing damage? For nothing."

Clenching his jaw, Gabriel swallowed and got up from his chair.

"Alright... You know what, ma? This isn't about my relationship with Ichiro. This is about dad and you, as always."

Jennifer glared at him. "It is not, but you're making the same mistake as him!" she hissed through her teeth.

Gabriel huffed in amusement and shook his head. "Bingo."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Dad never regretted it, ma. Not a single second. Neither the marriage nor my birth and certainly not quitting being a rich boy by cutting ties with his parents. And he reassured you every time you were fighting about this nonsense. Which was _always_ caused by you. By _your_ compunction. _Your_ regrets. If you would've believed him, ma, he wouldn't—"

Jennifer quickly jumped to her feet, taking two steps towards her son while she pointed her index finger at him.

"If you dare to finish that sentence, Gabe, I'll throw you out. I mean it," she hissed threateningly. 

Gabriel swallowed, a mix of sadness and disappointment flitted across his features as he averted his gaze. He thought this might happen, the worst-case scenario. He braced himself and thought he could handle it. However, this right now was real. Painfully real, and he realised that he wasn't prepared for the next step. 

Teary-eyed, with a crooked smile on his lips, the swimmer took a deep breath. "No need, ma. I'll go freely."

As he turned around and started walking towards the house, his mother tugged on his sleeve and quickly moved past him to block his way. "You can't simply walk away now!"

"Watch me."

"Gabriel, I won't allow it!"

"You can't make me stay. I'll pack a bag and be off, that's it."

"No!" she shouted at him, but the swimmer gently removed her hand from his shirt and kept walking.

"Dammit, you're exactly like him, you know that?!"

"I take that as a compliment."

"Gabriel!"

Jennifer's voice broke, and he knew she was crying, but he also knew that it would solve nothing if he'd cave in now.

Neither did his mother follow him nor tried his grandmother to stop him as he threw some clothes and toiletries into his holdall. 

Without knowing what was going on, Ichiro comforted the crying Ava and reassured her that her brother would come back home soon, and Gabriel was thankful for it. Heartbroken, he showered his little sister with kisses and comforting words before he pulled Cynthia into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, gran."

"Don't be, boy. Do what's necessary, but take care, alright? Meanwhile, I'll try to talk some sense into my daughter."

Gabriel nodded. Thanks. I love you, gran." Wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, the swimmer glanced at his lover and walked out the front door. 

Ichiro bowed. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, Mrs Fitzgerald," his voice was small and full of regret "I'll make sure to iron out the wrinkles."

"Not your fault, chap," she gently patted his shoulder. That was bound to happen, as it's brooding since Glenn died. However, that's something, Gabriel should tell you. Keep an eye on him, please."

"Of course. Thank you for accepting me, Cynthia."

Ichiro bowed anew and hugged Ava once more before he followed his boyfriend.

✵✵✵

The sky was grey when they arrived at the pier, and the car completely quiet as they stared at the sea. Gabriel's knuckles were white, as he clenched his hands tightly around the steering wheel. The entire drive, they haven't spoken a word, and the swimmer's dismissive behaviour made it difficult for Ichiro to approach him.

Sighing, he took out his phone and dialled a number.

"Dad, it's me. Yeah... Not exactly, no. Listen, would you and Claire be okay with Gabriel crashing at our place for a while? Yes, I'll wait... What? No, please, don't. Absolutely not. Of course, I will. Thank you, I really appreciate it. Tell her, I'm not, but I love her too. See you later."

Chucking his phone onto the dashboard, he turned to his lover and smiled gently at him. 

"We'll get through it and fix it."

Gabriel tried to blink his tears away but failed. Leaning his forehead against the steering wheel's warm leather, he started sobbing uncontrollably. A lump in his throat, Ichiro gulped hard and carefully pulled his lover over and into a tender hug.

"I'm sorry, Gabriel..."

Closing his eyes, he swallowed a sigh.

_Wherever I go, I cause problems and make people suffer, don't I?_


	11. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm fighting a mean cold atm, and will add a drawing as soon as I'm well again.

The fine sand beneath Gabriel's feet slowly turned solid as big, patchy droplets grew into a continuous rain. His eyes were still red and swollen as he languidly strolled along the shore, but he didn't bother, as the beach was already devoid of people. Sighing, he stopped, dug his toes into the soaked ground, and looked up at the grey sky. The steady stream of raindrops smoothly washed away the remaining traces of his tears, and gently cooled the irritated skin. 

Taking a slow and deep breath of sea air, the swimmer shifted his gaze to the almost black horizon. The corner of his mouth twitched into a subtle smile as he shook his head, still stunned about how Ichiro was able to change his mind with nothing but a glance. 

After they had sat in the car for almost an hour, and Gabriel shed all the tears, he had kept locked away for so long, the sky had become overcast, and the pier deserted. 

Low, dark clouds gathered at the horizon, and the former mild breeze slowly developed into a strong wind, but, despite the foreshadowing of a heavy thunderstorm, Ichiro insisted on going down to the beach. 

Although Gabriel started arguing and listed why it was a bad idea, his boyfriend only offered him a tender smile while throwing his shoes onto the backseat. His gaze was piercing, captivating, equally penetrating the swimmer's heart and soul. And as the strange fluttery sensation settled down in Gabriel's stomach again, he couldn't help but lean towards his lover, longingly capturing his smooth lips in a soft kiss.

In the end, he gave in. Of course, he did, as it was impossible to resist Ichiro St. James' peculiar charm. 

The swimmer couldn't explain why, but he knew that his boyfriend was special, as he could make him immediately forget about the awful course of the day. 

"Gabriel, look!"

His lover's muffled shout pulled Gabriel out of his thoughts and made him quickly turn around.

A few meters behind, Ichiro stood knee-deep in the ocean, soaked, with a conch in his extended hand and a beaming smile on his face. His wet hair was plastered to his forehead and decorated with a weird crown of seaweed and shark eggs. Gabriel burst into laughter at the scene and slowly walked towards his adorable-looking boyfriend. 

The closer he got, the more his heart started to race, as Ichi seemed even more beautiful than usual. Despite the rain and grey background, the glowing and calming radiance emanating from the Japanese brightened everything around him and gently enveloped the swimmer's soul. 

The sight of Ichiro's finely chiselled features always made him weak, yet it was different right now. His pale skin was in stark contrast to his surroundings and looked like sculpted marble, his eyes were shining mischievously, and his smile was wide and reckless.

Amidst the dark water and untamed waves, Ichiro looked wild, mysterious, ethereal and picturesque, like the sea itself — even in Gabriel's head, it sounded silly and cheeky. 

However, it truly felt as if the usually withdrawn and shy man in front of him was genuinely himself today. 

Moments like this, when Gabriel was alone with him, showed his boyfriend's actual depth. Showed that there was more to him than the smart, polite but aloof surface would let assume, and he was obviously desperately trying to let it burst through. 

It was as if someone had forcefully pressed the wild, uncharted and untamed ocean into a human shell to conquer it. And now, Ichiro's once free nature was caught in nothing more but a shallow painting of water on canvas. Captured framed, and shaped into something that was far from his true self. So much so, that he was unable to escape, no matter how hard he tried.

But Gabriel was determined to free his lover from what has trapped him for so long. He wanted to help him to be himself again, so he could shine as brightly as he did right now for the rest of his life.

" _Ranella australasia australasia,_ " Ichiro stated while lifting the conch, causing the swimmer to frown.

"Ra—what?" Confused, he tilted his head and walked closer to the shore. 

"Are you kidding me? He knows scientific names of—" Gabriel muttered before he raised his voice again "Mate, that's just a seashell, isn't it?!"

His lover laughed and slowly walked back to the beach.

"Technically it's the conch shell of a predatory sea snail called _Ranella australasia australasia,_ although the remainings of the deceased animal are still inside _._ It's a marine gastropod mollusc that's part of the taxonomic family of _Ranellidae_ , subfamily _Ranelliae_. Their common names are Triton Shells or simply Ranella. The snails themselves are brown, bland-looking, and predominantly nourish from sea squirts. However, their shells, which grow up to 13 cm, have a wide colour range and are quite pretty as you can see. You can often find them in shallow water, which is why I walked in, as I was hoping to find a living one."

Silence.

Ichiro looked up and instantly blushed as he noticed Gabriel's dumbfounded expression.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry." He quickly shifted his gaze to the ground and let go of the conch. "I always get too excited and start rambling when I get a chance to talk about things I love," he whispered, barely audible over the rain and heavy wind. "Again, I'm sorry. I won't bore or annoy you with these things anymore."

"Are you kidding me?"

Before Ichiro could look up, Gabriel had cupped his cheeks and made him face him again. 

"Please, never ever stop talking about the things you love, alright? 

"I never thought much about seashells, as they were just pretty stuff you collect at beaches, that's it. But they're not; they're the remainings of interesting sea creatures. Thanks to your explanation, my view on these little fellas shifted drastically, and you know what?" he whispered as he leaned forward "Your knowledge, enthusiasm and nerdiness are not only adorable but quite sexy as well." Caressing Ichiro's wet face with his thumbs, he gently kissed him.

"Ichi, your lips are purple and ice-cold, you know?"

"Ah, well, that's part of my merman cosplay."

"Merman cosplay, huh?"

Ichiro nodded and pointed at the creation of seaweed, shells, and shark eggs on his head, making Gabriel laugh again.

"Oh, yes, I wanted to say that I love your crown, King Triton, and the scent is quite _interesting_. Wait, before I embarrass myself; Triton _was_ king of the ocean, right?" 

Ichiro snickered. "If you mean Ariel's dad, then, yes. Greek mythology? Not exactly."

"Triton was divine offspring of Poseidon, one of the Twelve Olympians and ruler of the sea, and his wife, Amphitrite, who was a goddess of the sea as well. They ruled over the ocean, and Triton acted as his father's herald. He also had the ability to calm or stir the sea by blowing his conch shell, which is pretty cool."

"Alright, smartarse, now, you're showing off," the swimmer mumbled jokingly and kissed Ichiro, who grinned against his lips.

"You know what?" Gabriel bent down and picked up the yellow and brown-marbled conch.

"You won't make me blow it to look if I can calm the ocean, right?"

Gabriel laughed out loud. "No, but I thought we could take it home. If we leave it on the rooftop garden for a while, so ants and whatever can get rid of the dead snail, we'd have a nice keepsake of our first beach date, don't you think?"

"Thank you," Ichiro breathed before he threw his arms around the swimmer's neck. 

Gabriel pulled his lover close and enveloped his trembling body in a tight hug.

"Are you cold or crying?"

Ichiro shrugged his shoulders, and the swimmer squeezed him gently in return.

"Alright, let's go home, then."

It was as if the weather was waiting for this sentence, as suddenly hell broke loose. Lightning brightened the whole sky, immediately followed by roaring thunder and the rain changed into a relentless downpour. 

"Ah, shit. Of course, this has to happen. Just our luck," Gabriel growled while pulling his head between his shoulders. 

Ichiro quickly grabbed the swimmer's hand and started pulling him along.

"There was some kind of a roofed beach chair not far from here. Let's wait there." Although his eyes were reddened, he looked happy and grinned at Gabriel. "How about a race?" He didn't wait but started running, leaving his confused boyfriend behind.

"What the— wait!" Gabriel quickly caught up and frowned at Ichiro as he surpassed him. "Why should we wait at that battered chair-thingy when we can easily jog back to the car? We're soaked to the bone anyway!"

"Because I love thunderstorms and I want you to warm me up while we talk about things!" Poking his tongue out, Ichiro threw his seaweed crown to the ground as he started sprinting and outdistanced Gabriel in the blink of an eye.

"The heck is going on here? Mate, why are you so fast? Wait!"

Panting, they arrived at the ramshackle rattan furniture where Gabriel took off his shirt to wring out the water — a bit more firmly than necessary.

"I can't believe I lost," he grumbled and looked over to Ichiro, who sat in the corner and wrung out his hair, half of his grinning face hidden behind his knees.

"Sore loser; noted."

The swimmer grimaced and threw his lumpy, wet shirt after him.

"Give me yours as well, but let's not put them on again, or we'll be sick tomorrow."

"Gabriel, if you want me to strip naked, just say so."

"Getting cocky because you won a race? Tch."

Ichiro laughed out loud while he took off his shirt to hand it over. Tilting his head, he watched the firm muscles of his lover's arms as they shifted beneath the wet skin while Gabriel twisted and squeezed the soaked fabric.

"I love your muscles, Mister Montgomery."

Gabriel looked at him from the corner of his eye, a smirk on his lips. "You do?"

"Mhm. They're sexy."

Grinning, the swimmer bashfully licked his lips, sat down and slapped his thighs.

"Come over and straddle me."

"Oh, it's _that_ easy to get you in the mood?"

"Your mere existence gets me in the mood, but right now, I just want to make sure that you get warmed up."

Ichiro smiled in response and quickly climbed on top of him. Tightly hugging, the couple listened to the violent storm as their warmth seeped into each other's skin. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichigabebeachao38kjr9.jpg)

Ichiro tenderly brushed his cheek along the smooth skin of Gabriel's shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his neck. "Want to talk about it?"

The swimmer took a deep breath and squeezed him gently.

"I probably should, hm?"

"I won't force you. Do what you're comfortable with, but I think it might help to share the burden."

"Yeah..." Gabriel sighed and absentmindedly kissed his lover's shoulder a few times before his voice cut through the storm again. "It escalated because I basically blamed my mother for my father's death."

"What?" Dumbfounded, Ichiro leaned up to stare at his boyfriend's face. "You can't be serious — I thought your father had an accident?"

"That's true. Let me explain. Well, actually, I should tell you the whole story. I try to make it short." Gabriel gently pressed Ichiro back against his body and started stroking his side. "I told you my mum was seventeen when she was pregnant with me."

"Yes."

"But I didn't tell you that my dad was a rich kid. I mean, filthy rich. Do you remember the skyscraper in Collins Street that looks a bit like the Empire State Building?"

Ichiro nodded in response, nestling closer against his boyfriend.

"Well, that's _Montovax's_ place of business — my grandfather's company. They produce human and veterinary pharmaceutics; it's worth several hundred million dollars."

"W-wow. That is, indeed, filthy rich."

Yeah. Anyway, from the start, my grandfather was against my parent's relationship and when he received news of mum being pregnant, he freaked out. Accused her of being a gold-digger, demanded an abortion, and my father to break up. He even offered mum's parents a shitload of money to make them get rid of me."

"But why? Because she belonged to the working class?" 

"Exactly. Glenn Montgomery Senior wanted my father to inherit the company, and to marry a reputable woman from a wealthy family to produce the next, worthy heir. 

"However, dad refused, got disinherited and kicked out. Basically wiped off of the family tree. Without a single dollar in his pocket, his only luck was that his late mother bequeathed him the holiday home, our house, roughly six months before. He dropped out of college, married my mother and started working in the souvenir shop of the museum where my mum later became the archivist."

"That was brave of him."

"Yeah, and reckless. Anyway, gran and gramps Fitzgerald helped them financially and also took care of me, so mum could keep working. And she worked hard, as she wanted the best possible future for me. Mum blamed herself for what happened. Said it was her fault that dad lost his father, his wealth, everything, and that she wanted to secure my life at least." 

A loud bang of thunder cut Gabriel off and made him pull his lover even closer. 

"Dad always said he was happy, as he was finally able to be himself. He became the souvenir shop's manager and never strived for more, but he bought a lottery ticket every week, just for fun. When I was old enough, he had let me pick the numbers, which became our weekly ritual for many years. Dad bought chips and chocolate, we watched a cartoon together and then I had to choose the lottery numbers. We did that until I was twelve."

"Why did you stop?"

"Because we won 2,6 million dollars."

Ichiro leaned up again, his eyes wide as saucers. "You're kidding me."

Gabriel chuckled and kissed his nose. "I'm not."

"But ... No one wins the lottery. We all hear about it, but do we actually ever see anyone win it for real? And 2,6 million dollars? Gabriel, that sounds like a fairy tale."

"I know, but it's not. It wasn't even the jackpot, and it's actually more of a hair-raiser than a fairy tale, as it caused even more quarrels between my parents."

"Why?"

"I told you, mum blamed herself for what happened, and dad said he didn't care. However, he split the lottery money, placed my share with a bank, and bought himself a motorcycle and a car, _my_ car, as soon as they received it. And mum started nagging, said it was proof of him missing his wealth, regretting his thoughtless decision, et cetera. They were permanently fighting over it, as mum refused to believe that dad didn't regret his life decisions. And two years ago, she went overboard, so much so that dad left with his bike in the middle of the night. A few hours later, we received a call. A car disregarded the right of way, collided with my father, and ... Well, he had severe injuries, but they could've fixed them. Unfortunately, he died on the surgical table on a lung embolism as they tried to do that. And I ... It's just ... If mum would've just..." 

"I'm so sorry, Gabriel..." Ichiro's eyes glazed over as he watched fresh tears spill from Gabriel's. He tenderly embraced the swimmer, and for a while, neither of them said a word. 

The storm had already passed as Gabriel took a deep breath. Calling seagulls circled the beach in search of the tempest's victims when the first faint sun rays broke through the dense blanket of clouds. 

The swimmer gently pushed Ichiro up to look at him.

"Mum doesn't care about it if I'm gay or not, and I'm pretty sure she likes you. She's trapped in herself, in her own guilt, and she's scared to death that my decision to make it public so early will cause trouble for me. She looks at me and thinks of my father. And I know it wasn't fair to say that it's her fault that ...," he took a deep breath as his voice cracked anew.

"No, that wasn't fair at all. I don't say it's okay how your mother is currently treating you and our relationship, because it's not, but you shouldn't have said that. 

"What happened to your father is the absolute worst that could've to happen, yet it wasn't her fault but an unfortunate series of events. However, I'm sure that the guilt she's feeling about it is crushing, and you purposefully hit that nerve earlier, Gabriel."

"I know, and I hate myself for having said that, but I was hurt. I will apologise to mum, but we need...," the swimmer sighed and ruffled his hair. "I need a bit of time alone, away from her."

"And that's okay." Ichiro reached for his shirt, quickly put it on and got up from Gabriel's lap. "Let's go home. The hot shower is waiting for us."

"Us?" Gabriel arched a brow as he stood up.

"Yes, us. You've had a rough day, and I want to make you feel better again, so I'll do anything necessary." He winked, grabbed the triton shell and slowly started walking backwards. "Unless you don't want me to."

"Oh, I definitely want you to, but— Can I ask a favour?"

"Go ahead, Mister Montgomery."

"Could today be _my_ turn once more?"

Ichiro smirked and rolled his eyes in response. "Playing foul; noted."


	12. Downhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
> This chapter contains homophobic slurs, but Gabriel deals well with it. :>

"Gabe, join me for a second, please."

Coach Swanson beckoned him over, his stern expression formed a deep crease between his brows. The swimmer already knew what was about to happen, sighed, and quietly watched his teammates vanish into the locker room as he walked over. 

Staring intensely at him, Swanson firmly squeezed his shoulder.

"You look like crap, and your performance was even bigger crap, mate. What's going on, hm?"

Gabriel took a deep breath and looked up to the sky. Thick, grey clouds obliterated the sun, and he found it pretty fitting for his current mood. Rubbing his temples, he faced his coach again, whose eyes were full of concern.

"Boy, I can't help you if you don't talk about it."

"I know, coach..." Poking his tongue against his cheek, Gabriel took another deep breath and looked to the ground." Ma didn't take my coming out well. I crashed at my boyfriend's place for the time being."

"Oh boy...," Coach Swanson let out an exasperated sigh and stroked his chin. "Want me to talk to her?"

"Not on any account. That would only worsen the situation."

"Are you sure? Your mother always looks so friendly. It's actually hard for me to believe that she has a problem with homosexuality."

"She hasn't, and she _is_ friendly. The actual issue goes a bit deeper, but I'd rather prefer to not talk about it, as it's a private matter."

"Whatever works best for you, Gabe," patting the swimmer's shoulder, Swanson smiled sympathetically. "Just make sure to talk it out — not only for your family's sake. You know how easily your performance is affected by personal issues. The regional championship is in about two months, and if you keep going like today, you won't even get past the qualifying, which means—"

"I wouldn't even get the chance to attend the Summer Olympics. I'm very well aware, but thank you _so_ much for remembering me," Gabriel snappily cut him off. He clicked his tongue and averted his gaze. "I'm sorry."

The swimmer exhaled clearly audible as he buried his head in his hands. 

He didn't mean to react this way, but the whole situation was difficult, and he had trouble acting like his usual self.

Despite the awful curse of events on the day before, Ichiro and his family managed to cheer the swimmer up. First, the oddly beautiful early evening at the beach, followed by a terrific shower experience with his lover, and pizza and movies with the whole Gainsborough family afterwards. 

He woke up next to Ichiro in the morning, who served him a delicious Japanese breakfast, and Gabriel already felt a lot more at ease. However, after reading Cynthia's text message right after, he immediately became depressed again. 

Apparently, his mother thought it might be best for the whole family when Gabriel moved out for real. She said, as he insisted on being an adult who can make decisions like an adult, it shouldn't be a problem for him to live like an adult — in his own apartment. 

His grandmother suggested to pay Jennifer no mind and to wait until things have calmed down, yet offered to help him find an apartment, if necessary, nonetheless. 

Gabe didn't reply, as he was too shocked and hurt, and also didn't mention anything to Ichiro or Rayne.

And now, his personal problems affected his training again, and at a crucial time at that. He was in a bad mood, but taking it out on others wasn't okay. Sighing, he gazed back at his trainer again and apologised once more.

Coach Swanson watched him through narrowed eyes, obviously still peeved. "Keep your temper at bay, or we'll have a problem. Hurry, get going."

"Okay. See you tomorrow, Andrew."

Grimacing, Gabriel entered the locker room where his teammates came back from the showers to get dressed. He slumped down on a bench and rubbed his face as someone ruffled his hair.

"Chin up, mate! It ain't the end of the world — you'll be back in peak form in no time, that's fo sho!" 

Daryl smiled brightly at him as Gabriel looked up again. "Shit like that happens, man. Can't help it. Quickly getting back on track is the important thing and that's easy for ya. You get that. We're fighters, mate — except for my brother. Seems like he'll forever be a disgrace to our team."

"Shut your mouth, blockhead, or I'll put laxative in your dinner!" Darius yelled from the other side of the room, and everyone but Gabriel burst into laughter.

A faint smile played about the swimmer's lips as another person lazily sauntered over. Raphael dried his hair as he eyed his gloomy teammate with a smug expression.

"Well, well, well, Montgomery... Pride comes before a fall, isn't that right? Guess that's how it is for arrogant people."

"You better don't test me today, Hawthorne."

While the locker room fell silent, Gabriel simply arched a brow and stared indifferently at Raphael, who winked in response.

"Maybe if you weren't a gaylord, that wouldn't have happened. I bet it's exhausting to fuck that delicate Asian's ass. Say, aren't you man enough for a _real_ girl, or why did you choose that dolled-up faggot princess instead?"

Instantly, the air was tense. Raphael shook his red-dyed hair, a lopsided grin on his face, and everyone in the room turned to the two men.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabrielch13ao3l6k5a.jpg)

Scowling, Gabriel clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

"Alright... Listen... I don't care what you think about me, but dare keep talking about Ichiro like this, and the _gaylord_ will fuck up your pretty face, understand?"

"Whoa, mate... Don't. The fucktard ain't worth it." Darius appeared next to Gabriel and placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"And who are you to decide if my boyfriend is worth it?! You can shut your mouth as well if you think it's better to simply swallow this shit."

He glared at Darius, who then realised there was no way to talk sense into Gabriel right now.

"Aight, mate. Deal with the consequences, then."

"Hah, as if. We all know that Montgomery is a pussy, who even knuckles under to that Gainsborough bitch," Raphael sneered as he literally looked down on his teammate.

Flexing his fingers, Gabriel clicked his tongue and slowly stood up.

"Oooh, should I be scared now? What will he do, what will he do?" Raphael whispered mockingly. "Maybe a bitchslap, like the faggot pussy he is?" Sneering, he let his gaze wander through the locker room before his eyes darted back to his counterpart. "Or do you feel the need to prove a point now, Montgomery?"

Questioningly arching a brow, Raphael pressed the tip of his tongue against his upper lip as he leaned forward, his gaze fixed on his teammate. "Will you give it to me like a _real man_?" he purred scornfully.

Instead of giving a reply, Gabriel put a fake smile on his lips, inclined his head, and swiftly threw a single but precise punch. 

Everything happened simultaneously. The sound of a breaking bone was followed by a loud bang as Raphael, yelping in pain, crashed into the locker behind him where he lost consciousness.

"Fuck." 

Darius' whisper followed a deafening silence.

Blood was dripping from Raphael's broken nose, slowly but steadily staining his light blue polo shirt. None of the guys dared to move, except for Gabriel, who leisurely walked towards the shower cabins. However, before he even had passed the corner, the door to the locker room burst open. Coach Swanson barged in, his carotid heavily throbbing as he inhaled.

"What the bloody hell is going on in here, dammit?!" The trainer's eyes immediately darted over to the unconscious trainee.

"First-aid kit, right this instant!" he barked while crossing the room with three large strides. 

"Whom of you did that?" Swanson growled as he gave the young man a quick checkup. 

"I did that," Gabriel said, slowly walking up to his trainer.

"Explain yourself, Montgomery!"

The coach brusquely ripped the medical kit from one of his trainees' hands, glared at Gabriel, and started tending to Raphael's injury, who was about to regain consciousness. 

He winced, and tears filled his eyes as his coach cleaned his face.

Gabriel looked at him with an indifferent expression before he addressed his trainer. "Raphael should explain what happened."

"Oh, should he? Interesting! I was asking _you_ , though! Swanson looked up, a deep crease between his brows.

"Well?"

Sighing, Gabriel shook his head. I haven't punched him unprovoked, but I would prefer not to talk about details."

"Oh, that's what you would prefer? I DON'T CARE, GABRIEL! YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO DECIDE ANYTHING!" 

Raphael's low grunt let coach Swanson look back at him.

"Why did he punch you, Hawthorne?"

The young man's eyes darted up to Gabriel and quickly back to his trainer before he looked at the floor.

"Also nothing, hm? Alright..." Swanson stood up and walked over to the door. "You're both expelled for four weeks!"

Immediately, the other swimmers started murmuring, and Darius quickly took a step forward.

"Coach, no! Raphael heavily insulted Gabe and his boyfriend with homophobic slurs — you can't expel him!"

"I haven't asked _you_ , Nowak! 

"Four weeks! And don't you dare take a step in the pool area!" He glared at the culprits and was about to turn around as another voice rang through the room.

"But, they need to train for the regional championship, or—"

"Do you want to anger me as well, Daryl? Both Hawthorne _and_ Montgomery knew the championship was at stake, yet they decided to not give a flying fuck and preferred to act like fools instead. No compassion from my side! 

"Get that nose checked, Hawthorne!"

With a loud bang, coach Swanson left the locker room, and the deafening silence returned.

"Are ya fucking nuts, Hawthorne? We all knew that you're a prick, but this? This was a high-class bastard move, yikes," Darius scornfully spit out. 

"I hope it won't heal well and ends up crooked, you homophobic motherfucker." Daryl glared at Raphael before he followed Gabriel, who was about to enter the shower cabins.

"Yo, Gabe!"

Gabriel didn't turn around but took off his trunks and stepped under the shower instead. 

"Gabe... I'm so sorry this happened. Wanna leave together to hang out? We could grab a drink or get takeout food and watch a movie at my place or whatever." Daryl picked up his friend's trunks and leaned against the cabin's outer wall.

"Don't you have a date or something?" Gabriel murmured, placing his hands on the wall in front of him while a myriad of water droplets ran down his back and head.

His friend huffed in amusement. "Nope, but I want to ask Rayne out when the opportunity arises. 

"Anyway! The day was fucked up, let's do something about it, aight?"

✵✵✵

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=messengerchapter13ao3xhk8w.jpg)

Sighing, Ichiro switched off the light, opened the door to the rooftop garden and chucked his phone onto his desk. The alarm clock's digits showed 01:47, and as if to empathise the late hour, the Japanese yawned and rubbed his eyes. 

His body was still damp and his hair dripping wet, but he flopped down onto his bed nonetheless and stared at the dark ceiling. The teal-coloured silk sheets immediately stuck to his flushed skin and cooled it down, causing goosebumps all over. Shivering, he pulled the thin blanket up to his nose.

_Well, at least, I know that he's alright, huh?_

02:13 — Ichiro yawned anew and turned around; the monotonous chirring of cicadas quickly lulling him into a deep sleep.

"...chi, ...ke up."

Something was pushing against his shoulder. Half asleep, he peeked at the alarm clock before he turned around — 03:56.

"Wake up, nii-san," Rayne whispered while poking him with her index finger, her features barely illuminated by the faint moonlight.

Drowsy, he rubbed his eyes before he glared at her. "The heck are you doing in my room, in the middle of the night?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I've knocked multiple times, but you've ignored me!" she pouted.

"Well, excuse me for being asleep at night. What do you want?"

Making puppy eyes, she squatted down. "Can I sleep with you?"

"I beg your pardon?!" Ichiro frowned in disgust.

"NOT LIKE THAT, YOU MORON! I mean, can I sleep in your bed? Mine is occupied."

"Huh?"

"Gabriel. He came home drunk, and it probably was a force of habit that he went to my room, as we always shared the bed when he was over. Anyway, he sleeps like a rock, and I don't want to share the bed with him anymore since he's your boyfriend now. Feels wrong."

"My little tamanegi... So considerate." Ichiro patted his sister's head and nodded. "Alright, but you have to wait outside for a minute."

"Why?"

"Because I'm naked."

"Ewww!" Rayne hastily got back up to her feet and scowled. "Why would you sleep naked?"

"Because I prefer it that way."

"You're a weirdo. Hurry up, I'm tired!"

She briskly left the room, and a brief moment later, Ichiro heard her humming her favourite song.

He quickly changed into shorts and a t-shirt and opened the door as he walked back to the bed again.

"Thank youuu, you're the best! Can I be the big spoon?"

"... And I'm the weirdo here?" Ichiro huffed as he crawled under the blanket, and Rayne giggled in response.

She snuggled up to him, and for a while, it felt as if she wanted to say something. Ichiro waited, but his sister stayed quiet.

"What is it, Rayne?"

"Huh?"

"You want to say something, don't you?"

Sighing, she slid an arm around her brother's waist. "Is everything alright with you two?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, Gabe comes home drunk, in the middle of the night, after his training. And he has training in the morning as well, which is why he'd never drink in the evening before. Furthermore, the championship comes up. Advanced training, and that's something he takes seriously.

"Also, he can't be as drunk as to forget that his boyfriend sleeps upstairs, right? I wanna know what's going on."

Taking a deep breath, Ichiro turned around to face his sister. "I also have no idea what's going on. I messaged Darius before, but he said he doesn't want to say anything because that would be Gabriel's job. So... We have to wait until he's up and sober, I guess."

Grimacing, Rayne nodded. "Okay. I hope nothing bad happened."

Ichiro hummed in response, placed a kiss onto her forehead and turned back around. 

"We should sleep now. I have an appointment at ten."

"Oh! The photoshoot you told me about?"

"Yes."

"Say, does Gabe know by now that you've signed a model contract?"

"No. I couldn't find the right moment. Gabriel's life is pure chaos right now — he has to deal with so much, and I don't think I should bother him with something so unimportant."

"Your life is important as well, nii-san," Rayne murmured while hugging him again.

Ichiro sighed in response and squeezed her hand.

"Goodnight, tamanegi."


	13. A Sweet Friend

_Dec. 13th, 2019_

_It's Friday, and the weather is fantastic — I should be happy, as I'm on my way back home, but ... I'm not. I feel tense._

_The two days in Canberra were nice, and despite having to work, I was able to relax a little bit. It's only have been six weeks, but I already almost forgot how much I enjoy being completely alone. Not having to talk to anyone, not having to be considerate of anyone or anything. I love my family, and I enjoy living with them, but these two days showed how mentally draining my new day-to-day life is._

_But maybe ... Maybe it wouldn't have been this draining and difficult when Gabriel hasn't been there._

_Does that sound harsh?_

_Almost three weeks have passed since, well, whatever happened at the aquatic centre, and I really try to be as understanding as possible, but it's hard._

_I give Gabriel the space he needs and demands, I don't pry, I don't take offence in his silence or his current lack of tender loving care._

_I simply accept that what happened was hard for him and that he still struggles to come to terms with it. I leave him be and try to be supportive, but it's exhausting._

_And as much as I enjoy being alone, I can't deal with feeling lonely — and currently, Gabriel makes me feel lonely, even if he's lying right next to me. Even if he kisses me._

_His kisses feel shallow. His touch feels forced, and his mind is absent._

_I don't mind the lack of sex, but for a guy who just discovered his sexuality, who's experiencing his very first relationship? Gabriel acts off on all fronts, and I still have no idea why._

_Yesterday, he messaged me to let me know that he'd just packed his bag to crash at Daryl's place for the time being. He said he doesn't want to be a burden to dad and Claire — but being a burden to Darius' and Daryl's parents is okay? Gabriel knows Rayne and the others since he was little, and they basically see him as part of the family. So... Why is he moving? I couldn't help but wonder if it's because of me. Although Rayne finds Gabriel's behaviour odd as well, she tried to reassure me. Said it has nothing to do with me and convinced me that I was imagining things._

_However, today, I got another message where Gabriel told me that he couldn't pick me up at the station, as he's too busy with training._

_That's far more important, of course, but ... he didn't know that sooner?_

_How am I supposed to erase the thought that he's avoiding me? Usually, I don't beat around the bush and let people know when I'm bothered or irritated by their actions, but ... I'm afraid if I ask Gabriel in his current state of mind what's going on; if I word my thoughts and fears, I'll only drive him further away._

_I want to be understanding and supportive, and I feel bad and selfish for thinking so much about my own feelings. My lover is the one who goes through his personal hell, and it seems that I can't do anything to make him feel better. Every single one of my attempts is in vain._

_Apparently, I'm a miserable boyfriend, or why else won't he rely on me? Why else can't I make him forget about it for even a short moment?_

_He's probably already annoyed by me, and I'm too scared to act in any way because I fear losing him._

_I feel lonely. Numb. It hurts._

_I'm so weak. Pathetic._

Ichiro took a deep breath, closed his journal and stuffed it back into his bag. Readjusting his headphones and leaning his head against the window, he focused his gaze on the rusty railways as the scenery quickly passed by. Melbourne was already in view, causing the first passengers to get their luggage ready and heading for the exits.

As the conductor's tinny voice rang from the speakers, the old lady next to Ichiro gently nudged him with her elbow. She smiled as he turned to look at her and extended her hand. Candies, wrapped in colourful, translucent papers, lay in her wrinkly palm and glittered brightly in the midday sun.

"You have such a gorgeous face, poppet, maybe some sweets can make that gloomy expression disappear, hm?"

Ichiro felt a blush creep up his cheeks as he shyly reciprocated the smile.

Putting his palm next to hers, he whispered a 'Thank you' while receiving the candy, eliciting an astonished gaze from the old lady.

"Oh my, you are a boy! I hope I did not offend you, my dear."

Laughing, Ichiro shook his head.

"No, you haven't. It barely happened in my home country, but the people over here mistake me quite often for a girl. I find it rather amusing and actually don't mind."

"Right, you are. Our looks don't matter as long as we know who we are, hm? My name is Ruth."

She smiled warmly at him, and they continued their small talk until it was time to exit the train. 

As Ichiro stepped onto the platform, the smile on his face slowly vanished, as the change of scene shoved all the gloomy thoughts back into his head. He was alone again; he would be alone at home. And he had no idea if and how he should get in contact with his boyfriend. 

Biting down on the hard candy, the Japanese cut his way through a neverending stream of passengers, growing more displeased with every person that cut him off or bumped into him. And as he passed the main gate and someone almost tackled him down, he was about to lose his temper. However, that said person pulled him into a tight hug, and a cheery, familiar voice rang in his ears as his headphones slid down to his neck.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dariusnowakao3lqkgc.jpg)

"Frostyyyy....! Long time no see!" Darius squeezed Ichiro gently and grabbed him by the arms to take a good look at him.

"Nice outfit, mate! You look especially handsome today. Did the photoshoot go well?"

Frowning, Ichiro tilted his head, his piercing gaze fixed on Darius.

"What's gotten into you? And what are you doing here?"

Grinning, Darius winked at him.

"I didn't like the idea that you'd have to get home by yourself, so I came to pick you up, my friend." He squeezed his arms before letting go to grab Ichiro's suitcase. "Are you hungry? My treat."

Still frowning, Ichiro followed Darius across the parking area until they reached the back of an old, silver-coloured van. That he had shown up was surprising, and Ichiro wasn't sure what to think about it. However, he was happy to see a familiar face, and it was nice to know that someone, outside of the family, cared about him. Although the guy in front of him always was way too loud and cheery, he was also a kind and perceptive person with a big heart; someone that made a good friend.

Folding his arms over his chest, Ichiro watched him unlocking the car. "Say... did Gabriel send you?"

Darius quirked a brow, his expression indifferent as he stored the luggage.

"Gabe?" Snorting derisively, he averted his gaze. "No. I've overheard his conversation with my brother this morning, and he mentioned that you'd arrive in the early afternoon. I checked the timetables, figured out the train and came to pick ya up, that's all. So... Food — how about it? No matter what, I'll treat ya." He shifted his gaze back to Ichiro and smiled warmly.

Ichiro licked his bottom lip before he bit down on it. Although Darius tried to hide it, it was clearly visible that he was pissed, and, apparently, Gabriel was the cause.

He wanted to ask so many questions but knew that now wasn't the time for it. Sighing, he nodded in response and walked over to the passenger side. "There's a _Betty's Burgers_ on the way home. I think it's in St Kilda?"

"Pretty sure you mean the one at Chapel Street in Windsor; that's next to St Kilda. Wanna stop by there?"

Ichiro hummed in response and Darius smirked. "Aight, Frosty, let's go on a date."

✵✵✵

A frown of disgust on his features, Ichiro watched Darius downing his _Nutella_ chocolate milkshake — he bit the straw and grinned in response before he took the last sip.

The Japanese shuddered.

"Yuck, that's so— How can you chug that sweet stuff down like it's nothing? I would die."

"Mate, you've smelled of candy before, so don't act holier-than-thou."

"I simply appreciated the gift of an old lady."

Darius clicked his tongue as he reached for his burger.

"Didn't daddy tell ya to not take candies from strangers, my friend?"

Shaking his head, Ichiro huffed in amusement and shoved a french fry between his lips. He waited until Darius swallowed down his bite before he addressed him anew.

"Say... Why are you mad at Gabriel?"

"Why? Because I have a huge problem with how that stubborn fucker handles things. He acts like a selfish brat, and if I wouldn't know that _Hulk 2.0_ would slap me into unconsciousness with a single hit, I'd beat him up."

Placing his elbows on the table to prop up his head on his palms, Ichiro quietly watched his counterpart.

"What? You make me uncomfortable if ya stare at me like that."

"Care to explain that issue?"

"Oh, Frosty..."

Sighing, Darius put down his burger and cleaned his fingers with a napkin.

"I can't get into details, as the fucker still hasn't said anything to you, and it's not my place to do that, but... Well, basically, that's exactly what I'm mad about. There's no need to keep it from you, and there's certainly absolutely no reason to neglect you.

"I hate that he crashed at our place, and I already slapped Daryl for agreeing to it. That fucktard should've known better. Gabe is running away from his problems instead of facing them, and by doing that, he's making it worse. He spends more time with my brother than you, which makes you suffer — and that makes _me_ furious."

Keeping his blank expression, Ichiro narrowed his eyes.

"Why do you care so much about my wellbeing, Darius?"

Arching a brow, Darius tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Welp... guess I like ya. I wanna be your friend; simple as that."

"You aren't honest with me."

Looking back at Ichiro, Darius leaned forward.

"Aight ... I like you. That's the truth. However, you and I are pretty similar, which makes it easy for me to see through your act. While I'm playing the clown, you mime the cool and collected foreigner — but we both know that our surface doesn't match what's inside, right? And I can't stand seeing ya like this"

"You don't see anything."

Ichiro averted his gaze and bit down on his lip again, making Darius roll his eyes.

"Listen, mate... I don't wanna harm ya; it's quite the contrary. I know you don't like me, but I really wanna be your friend."

Ichiro's gaze darted back to Darius. "I never said that I don't like you."

"Oh? So, we're besties now?" Darius quirked a brow and smirked, but Ichiro cut him off before he could say anything else.

"Don't be smug about it. You're still a moron and way too noisy."

Darius laughed out loud and took another bite from his burger. Still chewing, he addressed Ichiro again.

"Ya know, Gabe is defo a lousy boyfriend at the moment, and I think we should teach him a little love lesson, something that'll galvanise him."

"Mhm... And what smart solutions do we have in mind, Mister Nowak?"

"Jealousy."

"Jealousy?"

"Aye. When it comes to you, Gabe is actually quite possessive. However, I think his mind is currently so flooded with his personal bullshit, that he doesn't even realise that he's harming his relationship with ya. That boi has no idea that every normal and sane person would've dumped him already; especially after so little time of dating.

So, I'm not normal and sane?"

"Frosty, you're a supportive, kind and caring dreamer. Too loyal, too selfless, and too good to be true — and that blockhead should realise that someone like you is highly coveted. Taking you for granted is dangerous, and that's something Gabe's oblivious about."

"I'm still unsure if I should take this as a compliment."

Darius smirked and winked at him.

"Aight, listen, here's the plan; ya have all important travel necessities in ya bag, right?"

"Yes."

"Fantastic. Sleep at my place tonight. In my bed, if ya fine with it. We should cuddle as well."

Arching a brow, Ichiro leaned back and folded his arms over his chest.

"Your plan is a rather poor attempt to seduce me?"

"Honeybun, you have no idea. If I wanna, I seduce ya without ya realising it." Darius blew him a kiss and laughed.

"Seriously though. If ya don't mind platonic, physical contact, let's do that. I won't say anything to Gabe or my brother. We simply keep the door ajar because that's enough the see almost my entire bed. Daryl and Gabe have plans for the early evening, so they won't come home before ... uh, dunno ... ten or eleven, probs. If we keep the TV on and pretend to sleep, they'll check on me, and Gabe will see you in my arms."

Frowning, Ichiro groaned.

"Great plan, really. So elaborate. Especially since you've mentioned before that Gabriel acts possessive and that he could knock you out with a single punch."

"Aye. He won't, tho."

"And why is that?"

"'Cause he'd never risk losing his cool in front of ya, Frosty. And don't underestimate my ability to make up fabulous excuses on the spot. I'll tell him a tragic story because he should suffer a bit, don't ya think? And then, you two will go home, have fantastic make-up sex, and talk about everything."

"What about Marlon?"

Darius lifted his index finger, reached for his phone and dialled a number.

"Yo, amore mio, listen, Frosty and I are on a mission; he'll crash at my place tonight. We'll sleep together, with cuddling and shit, aight? Sure, sure," he looked at Ichiro and whispered a _'He says Hi'._ "Aye, don't forget about mum's Christmas present, luv ya!"

Ichiro arched a brow but didn't say anything as Darius put his phone back on the table.

He smiled.

"Marlon doesn't live in Melbourne, ya know. We don't see each other often, which is why we both agreed to have kind of an open relationship. The only rule is to let the other one know what's going on. Works fine if both parties love and trust each other enough."

"Have you ever slept with someone else since you've started dating him?"

"No, but the option is there. Anyway! What do you say to my meticulously planned evening activity?"

"Your plan is utter bullshit, but I'm desperate, so ... I'm in."


	14. Evoked

While Darius explained his scheme to his mother, who had introduced herself as Kiana, Ichiro quietly examined the kitchen's antique furniture and decorations within view. Especially the dull black Glenwood Cookstove piqued his interest, as it was an impressive sight. The massive vintage oven had attached shelves, which were filled with spice jars and bundles of dried herbs. Although it had a little sidecar with gas hotplates, it was probably manufactured about a hundred years ago, as it heated the entire centrepiece with coal or wood. Nonetheless, it looked like new, as its intricate ornamented exterior was flawless.

Gabriel said the Nowak's furnishing style wouldn't match their lively and edgy personalities, but that wasn't true. At least, not in Ichiro's eyes, as he saw everyone's and everything's uniqueness as a harmonious overall picture.

His gaze wandered back to Darius' mother, whose elegant looks fit seamlessly with the surroundings. A tall woman with pretty facial features, slender torso and curvy hips, pale green eyes, an impeccable blonde afro, and the same dark brown skin with a cool jewel undertone as Daryl. Her pastel yellow chiffon trouser suit and the black accessories matched perfectly with her nails and makeup and made her overall appearance quite impressive. 

Ichiro was fascinated by the Melanesian woman's rare beauty.

_ Why is everyone's mum hot? This is wild. _

He quickly averted his gaze as he felt his cheeks turn warm and studied the framed family pictures instead. Although Daryl was the one who inherited his mother's hair-, eye- and skin colour, it was definitely Darius who had her facial features — and, apparently, grey eyes. Ichiro frowned and his lips curled into a troubled smile as he realised that he never genuinely looked at Darius before. 

Sure, they haven't had met often yet, and he  _ did  _ look at him when they talked, but it was always only briefly, and he never paid attention to details. Ichiro mostly averted his gaze when talking to someone, as he had trouble looking into peoples eyes for too long. Which was also the reason why he noticed Darius' freckles only today. 

Taking a deep breath, he looked to the ground, ashamed by his poor behaviour. 

It became quiet in the kitchen and from the corner of his eye, Ichiro saw Darius leave. Mrs Nowak walked over to him, a broad smile on her lips.

"I already heard a lot about you, you know? From Gabriel as well as my son. Well, mostly from Ducky, actually, because he's kinda obsessed with your looks."

"You could've swallowed that, ma!" Darius snarled at her, his voice muffled, as he was at the entrance to store Ichiro's suitcase.

Kiana ignored him and kept smiling at Ichiro. "What a pretty face you have, and the colour of your eyes is gorgeous — why ain't  _ your  _ man this pretty, huh?" she yelled towards the corridor.

"Ma, Marlon is pretty as well!" Darius barked, and his mother huffed in annoyance. "Nah, average, at best, 'cause he's a lazy slacker, and that makes him ugly! And don't get me started on that terrible box dye bleaching job!" Quickly turning back to Ichiro, she smiled kindly, cupped his cheek with one hand and examined his white strands of hair with the other. "Yours looks amazing, tho. Are you hungry? I don't mind cooking somethin' for ya, my dear."

Blushing, the Japanese reciprocated the smile and lightly shook his head.

"I thank you very much for the offer, Mrs Nowak, but if I eat another bite, I might explode."

Darius pushed past and quickly lifted his mother's hands off of his friend as he positioned himself between them.

"He ain't a doll, ma, and I told ya we're just back from eating at a diner, leave him be already, Jesus Christ!"

"...just back from eating at a diner!" she repeated in a mocking voice while walking over to the kitchen counter. 

"Wanna tell me that bland crap tastes better than home-cooked Vanuatu food?"

"I never said that, but we are sated, dammit!"

"Yeah, yeah." Mrs Nowak waved her son off and looked back down at her crossword. "Your ridiculous plan will cause nothin' but trouble, Ducky, and I ain't gonna patch ya up afterwards just so ya know."

"It won't! You don't know Gabe in that regard!"

Mrs Nowak looked up and quirked a brow while fixing her gaze back on her son. "Oh, but you do? Ain't he actually Daryl's friend?"

Darius sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Well, they're close, yeah, but that doesn't mean that we ain't friends as well."

With a hand on her hip, Kiana straightened up and curled her lip in disapproval while waving her index finger. "I'm tellin' ya, nothin' but trouble, but you do you!" As her eyes darted over to Ichiro, her expression immediately softens into a warm smile. 

"Ichiro, my dear, if you need anything, just let me know, alright?"

"Yes, thank you, Mrs Nowak."

While Darius gently took hold of Ichiro's shoulder to usher him to his room, Kiana winked and focused her attention back on her crossword.

Ichiro slowly lowered his messenger bag onto Darius' claret-coloured chaise longue as he glanced around. The room looked like straight out of a Jane Austen novel and radiated a pleasant and welcoming atmosphere.

His gaze darted over to his friend, who just had flopped down on his bed to watch Ichiro examining his room. 

A lopsided grin on his lips, Darius cocked his head. "What?"

"Your room looks like a movie set from  _ Pride and Prejudice. _ "

"I know."

"On purpose?"

His friend hummed in agreement, and Ichiro grinned, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Well ... I guess, I'll call you Mr Darcy from now on."

"Joke's on you, I'm into that, Frosty," Darius purred in response before gesturing with his chin towards the left wall. "Choose a movie for the evening if you like."

Ichiro walked over to the impressive floor-to-ceiling bookshelf and let his gaze wander.

"So... Ducky, huh?"

"Yeah...," Darius groaned. "Short for Ugly Duckling. Ma says I was the ugliest baby she'd ever seen. She calls me Ducky since and refuses to give up on this awful atrocity of a nickname."

Ichiro snickered and glanced pitifully at his friend. "Well, at least, you're handsome now." 

Darius cleared his throat while Ichiro looked back at the dark, wooden shelf. It wasn't only stuffed with regular books but also with manga, video games and blu-rays. He skimmed through the titles and smiled as he found many of his favourites.

"Your bookshelf's contents are almost identical to mine back at home —although my mother most likely threw everything away already. We even like the same mangas," he said while glancing over his shoulder, a smile on his lips as he flicked through a volume of  _ Tokyo Ghoul. _

"The anime was lousy, though," Darius stated as he got up to join him. 

"If you ever wanna borrow something, let me know. Oh, do you like  _ Studio _ _ Ghibli  _ movies?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm Japanese, the movies are basically part of my culture." Ichiro put the manga back at its place and let his finger slide across the blu-rays. "They're my favourites."

"Oh, yeah? Which one is your very favourite?"

Ichiro's finger darted back to a red steelbook and tapped on it. " _ Howl's Moving Castle _ , of course, but  _ My Neighbour Totoro _ and  _ Spirited Away _ are close."

Darius smiled brightly, gently pushed his friend's finger aside and plucked the movie off the shelf.

"That's my favourite as well. Let's watch it later." He chucked it onto his entertainment centre and flopped down on his bed again. "Still early ... How about gaming?"

Ichiro sat down in an armchair across from him, a smug grin on his features as he tilted his head back a little. "No matter the game, I'll beat you."

"Ohoho, ya have a big mouth, mate.  _ Tekken _ or  _ Mortal Kombat _ ?"

" _ Tekken _ ."

About an hour later, Darius grimaced and bit into his controller while

Ichiro snickered and turned off the PlayStation. "I told you I'll beat you."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to mercilessly shred me, you Gremlin. Haaah, whatever, I'm more into MMORPG's anyway."

Ichiro arched a brow. "Really? Me as well, actually. I'm playing Final Fantasy for a couple of years already."

"No way!" Darius excitedly scooted to the edge of his bed. "PC or PlayStation?"

"PC."

"Dude, same! Awesome, we should play together soon!"

Ichiro smiled and stood up from his chair. 

"How about now? My laptop is in my suitcase."

"Yaaaass, let's go full geek mode!" Darius got up as well and walked over to the door. "Get comfy on my bed; the mattress makes a fantastic additional mouse pad. I'll jump down to the store and get some snacks. It's on the other side of the road, so I'll be back in less than five minutes. Since you're not into sweet stuff, how about chips and, uh, saltsticks or something?"

"Sounds good, but I insist on paying for it, as you've already paid the diner food."

Darius sighed but nodded right after. "Sure thing. I won't argue about it because I'd want to do the same."

"Thank you." Ichiro smiled gently and handed him a twenty-dollar bill. "Get yourself some chocolate, Mr Darcy."

Poking his tongue against his cheek, Darius shook his head lightly and grinned.

✵✵✵

They were gaming till early evening, ate dinner with Mr and Mrs Nowak, and listened to each other's playlists, noticing they liked the same artists. They even discovered that they also shared the same kind of humour, as they laughed about each other's dumb memes until tears streamed down their cheeks.

Time flew by, and it was almost nine as Darius suggested to get ready for bed to watch the movie, as he wasn't sure when his brother and Gabriel would be back home. 

Ichiro had taken a quick shower and smiled as he towelled himself down. Although the day had started depressing for him, it turned out rather well in the end, as he hasn't had a single negative thought since Darius had picked him up. 

_ Never thought that weirdo would become my friend... _

He huffed in amusement about the realisation, grateful that someone wanted to become close to him.

That Darius turned out to be completely different from what he usually showed of himself was surprising, though. He was loud and liked to clown around, yes, but Ichiro noticed that he stopped acting like that as soon as they were alone. Darius actually was rather calm, but funny nonetheless. He also could be pretty serious, and Ichiro never imagined him to be  _ that  _ well-educated, as he always played himself down by acting like a fool. And having all these geeky interests on top turned him basically into his brain twin, which was kind of scary.

Rummaging through his suitcase, Ichiro clicked his tongue, slipped back into his jeans and quickly headed over to Darius' room.

"Mr Darcy, I'm in a dilemma and require your help."

His friend looked up from his phone, inclined his head and let his eyes travel up and down Ichiro's half-naked body.

"Man... Ain't ya a beautiful one? What's the matter?"

Averting his gaze, Ichiro smiled bashfully and rubbed his chin.

"See, the thing is, I usually sleep naked, so I don't have anything for the night with me. Could you lend me a shirt, maybe?"

Darius grinned, fished a t-shirt out of a drawer and handed it over.

"I sure learn a lot about you today, Frosty." He winked and walked towards the bathroom. "You can start the movie already if you want. I'll be right back."

As they were laying next to each other, Darius couldn't help but pause the movie, as he was too curious to wait with asking his question afterwards. He rolled over to the side and poked Ichiro with the controller in his hand.

"You know, you're pretty muscular underneath that soft skin of yours, and that ain't gym muscles, so ... tell me, what more secrets do you have? Are ya a dancer or something?"

Ichiro sighed and hid his face behind his arm.

"I am. Well, technically, not anymore, but I was until I came to Australia."

"Seriously? What kind?"

He looked back at Darius, a crooked smile on his lips. "Don't laugh... Ballet. My mother enrolled me on a ballet school when I was ten, and although I thought it would suck, it was actually fun. So much so that I kept doing it until I moved. 

"I kept the workout routine and combined it with yoga, to stay in shape."

"I fucking knew it," Darius hissed through his teeth as he sat up. "I told Marlon that you have some kind of graceful movement, posture and body tension that reminded me of ice skater or ballet dancer. And he said I'm an idiot for thinking so, and that I watch too many sports anime — that shithead," he laughed and folded his arms over his chest. "Just for fun, or did you attend performances as well?"

"Yes, a lot, actually, as I was part of a small theatre's ensemble."

"No way, that's so awesome, mate!"

Ichiro quirked a brow. "Awesome? Not embarrassing and girlish?"

"Are ya nuts? Mate, seriously, a dude that's not afraid of wearing tights to dance in the most difficult ways is super masculine and brave. Nothin' about ya is girlish."

Watching Darius quietly for a brief moment, Ichiro dipped his head and smiled softly. "Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate it."

His friend cleared his throat and turned back to the TV. "Let's continue, or we won't finish it before they come home."

Midway through the movie, Darius snickered. "I just noticed that Howl looks like you when his hair is dark. Same eye colour and everything." He glanced over to Ichiro whose eyes were closed, his breathing deep and even. "Awww maaan, Frosty..." 

Darius leaned over to tuck him in but got distracted by his face. "So beautiful..." He gently brushed a strand of hair behind his friend's ear. 

"Your scent...," he frowned but smiled right after "Peaches. Funny, as you don't like sweet stuff," he whispered. 

Someone unlocked the front door, and Darius pulled back again.

"Huh... perfect timing."

He carefully spooned Ichiro, closed his eyes and gently laid an arm around him.

"... Nah, look, he's still up. Yo, Dar— What the fuck?! Shit ... Aight ... That's a big nope and none of my business. Gabe, I'll wait in my room."

Darius heard his brother's footsteps fade away and slowly opened his eyes. Gabriel was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, and watched the scene in front of him indifferently.

"Oh, Gabe, hi," Darius whispered, acting as if he just woke up as he lazily climbed out of bed to walk over to his friend.

Gabriel said nothing but clenched his jaw and quirked a brow, eliciting a pout from Darius.

"Save the nasty look, I wasn't seducing your boyfriend, aight? We fell asleep while watching a movie."

"Why is he even here?" Gabriel's voice was a low and threatening growl that made Darius uncomfortable.

"He sent me a message this morning and asked me to meet because he didn't feel well and didn't want to be alone."

Gabriel frowned. "Why alone? I know that Rayne is on a field trip until Sunday, but Richard and—"

"Mate, for starters,  _ you  _ stood him up, and his parents left in the morning. Apparently, they won't come home until Christmas. He said you knew about it."

"Damn... I forgot."

"Yeah. You forget about a lot lately; especially Frosty. I told him to sleep here, so he can see you and doesn't have to be alone. He feels like shit, Gabe, and that's your fault. Ya better flick him over your shoulder and go home."

Gabriel sighed and rubbed his face as Darius nudged him with his elbow.

"Shall I wake him up?"

"No. No, absolutely not." Gabriel looked back up, fixing his gaze on Ichiro. "He must be tired from the job and the long train ride. Let him sleep. We'll go home in the morning."

"You sure about that?"

Gabriel glanced back at his friend and watched him quietly for a while before he took a deep breath.

"Yeah. I'm sure about that. Goodnight."

Clenching his jaw again, Gabriel slowly made his way to Daryl's room, and Darius couldn't help but smile — his plan worked.

He quietly closed the door, carefully slipped back into his bed, and turned away from Ichiro.

✵✵✵

Ichiro woke up to a warm sensation on his neck and leisurely inclined his head under the soft lips' touch. Hands smoothly slipped beneath the fabric of his shirt and boxer briefs, slender fingers lazily curled around his dick and gently started stroking him. Ichiro sighed, and slowly rolled his hips into the firm grip, coaxing the hand to move faster. 

A strong arm pulled him close until a rock-hard erection pressed against his back. Teeth plunged into his neck's sensitive flesh, and a hot tongue lustful licked across the marks they left. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dariusichiao354jq0.jpg)

While Ichiro's breathing quickened, he opened his eyes, as he was about to reach his climax, and was greeted by an unfamiliar bedroom. It took him a moment to recognise Darius' place. Seized with panic, he looked down and realised it was his friend who was giving him a smooth handjob.

_ Fuck! _

Ichiro couldn't stop his orgasm anymore, bit his lip to stifle his moan and grimaced.

Immediately removing the hand from his dick, he rolled over and out of his friend's embrace.

"Darius, look at me!" He hissed through his teeth and clenched his jaw as he pulled his shorts back in place.

His counterpart frowned and squinted briefly at him before his eyes turned into saucers as he hastily pulled back.

"What the fuck, Frosty?!"

He quickly sat up, accidentally bumped his head against the wall and stared at Ichiro in total shock.

"Did I just—? have I ...? Fuck!" His cheeks turned bright red over the realisation.

"Yes, you have, and I fucking came, Darius. You better tell me that you thought I was someone else, or I'll report you for sexual assault."

"What? No! Mate, I was asleep! I thought Marlon was next to me! I'd never harm ya, Frosty!"

"You've kissed me, jerked me off, and you were hard as well."

"Oh my fucking God, no... I'm so sorry, Frosty, seriously! I didn't mean to!"

Ichiro scowled at him and got out of bed.

"That was the absolute worst thing that could've happened, but I believe you."

Groaning, Darius flopped down and buried himself under the blanket.

"I wanna die this instant. This is the most embarrassing and fucked up shit. Seriously. Please, kill me."

"Stop being overdramatic. We should tell Gabriel what just happened."

Darius frantically clawed his way out of his blanket.

"No, please, don't do that, Frosty. Gabe will kill me, and you'll probably kill your relationship. Just go home together when he wakes up and be happy and shit, please. Let's just forget that."

Ichiro grimaced again and ruffled his hair.

"I've mistaken you for Gabriel, so it was my fault as well. I'm sorry for not realising it sooner and make it more awkward for you." Ichiro smiled apologetically while a pink blush settled on his cheeks.

"There's absolutely no need for ya to apologise for  _ anything _ , mate because it was entirely my fault, I'm sorry. I really am, and I really didn't mean to do that to you, Frosty. Please, don't hate me."

Darius swallowed and looked down as he tried to hide the tears that were about to spill from his eyes.

"It's alright, don't worry." Ichiro clumsily patted his friend's shoulder. We'll forget it and never talk about it again. 

"You should change the sheets, Mr Darcy. Quickly. And I better get ready now." 

With a strained smile on his lips, Ichiro blinked at him and left for the bathroom.

Sighing, Darius slumped down.

"Darius Nowak, you fucking moron. What have you done? You let it backfire in the worst way possible, you imbecile."

He looked over to the wet spot on his sheets and down at his hand, realising that not everything landed on the red fabric.

"I really thought I could avoid it, didn't I? I'm so fucking stupid."

He closed his eyes, bit his lip and plunged his nails into the flesh above his heart.


	15. Unravelled

"Raphael." The swimmer's deep voice suddenly cut through the tense silence.

Slightly confused, Ichiro frowned and turned his head to Gabriel, whose gaze was still focused on the street as he weaved his Audi through the dense Saturday-noon traffic.

"Raphael?"

"Mhm. The cause of my bad mood." Gabriel took a deep breath. "The Monday after visiting my mother, after our day at the beach, Raphael felt the need to end our training with severely insulting you, me, and even Rayne. 

"He mocked us for being gay, provoked me by saying awful things about you — in front of all our teammates."

Ichiro sighed and reached over to squeeze his lover's thigh.

"You knew that was bound to happen, don't you? I told you so, as well as Darius as you've talked about your coming out."

Gabriel briefly clenched his jaw and firmly bit down on his lip before he replied.

"Yeah, but... I was naive and thought they'd only target me." He used the redlight to glance over and locked eyes with Ichiro. "You being the target was something I couldn't handle well."

Ichiro smiled faintly as he tenderly gazed at Gabriel.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with that idiot, but I appreciate that you stood up for me. However, I hope you're not worried about me because that isn't necessary and you shouldn't add that to your already big pile of issues. I've dealt with worse in my life, and the nasty talk of a random guy that reeks of insecurity won't affect me at all."

"Oh, in _that_ regard, I'm not worried about you, Ichi. I noticed that random talk from strangers deflects off of you ... and that you manage alright without me. But, you know... I was hurt. Raphael hurt me with what he said about you. So much so that I broke his nose. But the actual reason for my bad mood was that I got suspended for it."

Ichiro gasped and leaned back into his seat.

"You did what? Are you serious?"

Gabriel hummed, focused back on the traffic and stepped on the accelerator. "Felt good to hear the crack as that foul-mouthed pretty boy's nose broke under my knuckles. The sissy flew through the room like a puppet, kissed a locker and took a nap on the floor. After one single punch."

Ichiro crossed his arms and gave him a scowl.

"You know, I can understand why you've lost your temper, but the way you're talking about it is quite cruel and mocking, and not like you at all — I don't like it."

Gabriel maneuvered the car onto the Gainsborough's driveway and hit the break. 

"Not like me, huh? I'm afraid you're wrong because this is exactly who I am when people overstep my boundaries." 

He looked intensely at Ichiro, a deep crease between his brows. 

"I'm a peaceable guy, and I put up with a lot, but even I will reach a point eventually where I won't take people's shit anymore. Enough is enough."

Ichiro clicked his tongue. "Is that so? Interesting. Gabriel, you are aware that you've violated the sports club's rules by physically harming one of your teammates, right?"

He stepped out of the car and looked back inside to lock eyes with Gabriel once more. "If reacting with violence toward that guy's pitiful behaviour is your way of dealing with _overstepping boundaries_ , it was the right decision to suspend you."

Closing the door with a dull thud, the Japanese sighed and walked over to the house.

"Really?" Gabriel snarled as he followed his lover.

Ichiro was unlocking the front door as he felt Gabriel's body pressed against his. 

"It was the first time I've thrown a punch, and usually, I simply ignore troublemakers. However, sometimes, I'm at a complete loss, like, right now, for example." He wrapped an arm around the Japanese's waist and pushed the door open with the other. 

"Tell me, what would you do when you come to know that your lover cheated on you? Because _you_ , Ichi, crossed the line as you allowed Darius to mark you with a lovebite, and I'm not sure how to handle that." Gabriel's voice was a low growl that hit Ichiro's neck in a hot breath. 

The swimmer leaned down, firmly plunged his teeth into the soft flesh that still was sore from the cursed morning encounter, and slowly pushed Ichiro inside the house. 

"You're hurting me!" the Japanese grumbled in response at the burning sensation that spread through his neck like a fire. 

Gabriel kicked the door close and pinned Ichiro against the wall next to them. "If you feel the need to cheat on me, you should, at least, arrange it so that I don't find out." His eyes were shrouded by a darkness that was foreign to his lover, causing Ichiro to flinch involuntarily as his whole body tensed up.

Ichiro felt cornered and glared menacingly at Gabriel, whose sudden shift in attitude made him anxious, uneasy, sad and angry.

His emotions were in a turmoil that threatened to overpower him. Too many similar conflicts from his past bubbled up, overlapped and mixed with what was happening right now. It puffed up the situation, blurred his perception, clouded his mind, and urged him to run away — but he couldn't.

His upper arms throbbed, reminding him of the swimmer's firm grip. 

Gabriel completely lacked his natural gentleness because even when Ichiro allowed him to be rough, he always handled him with care — but not now. Now, his touch felt painful, and his behaviour callous. 

He knew that, if Gabriel already had figured out what had happened, he'd have the right to be upset, as he was upset as well about it. However, his lover's current behaviour was so unlike him that the Japanese was too overwhelmed and startled to grasp the situation.

Ichiro swallowed hard and tried to suppress the tears of terror and confusion that were about to spill.

"Take your hands off of me this instant," he whispered hoarsely, gingerly reaching for his lover's wrist. "If you dare ever treat me like this again, Gabriel, you and I will go separate ways." His voice, as well as his body, trembled as his eyes glazed over once more, but he resolutely held Gabriel's gaze. 

As if hit by an electric shock, the swimmer let go of Ichiro, but immediately reached for him again to pull him into an embrace. "I'm sorry, Ichi! I didn't mean to—"

"I don't care what you didn't mean to do because you've done it already! And I said, don't touch me!" he snarled at Gabriel while swatting his arms away, firmly pushed against his chest, and walked to the kitchen.

"What the hell, Ichi?" Gabriel followed his lover but refrained from touching him again. "You're allowed to be upset but not me? The past three weeks were absolutely wretched, and on top of that, my boyfriend cheated on me. And now I'm not allowed to be pissed?!" Gabriel's voice broke, and he quickly turned around and ruffled his hair.

"Leaving aside the fact that you've treated me as if you've lost interest and even abandoned me eventually by moving out while I wasn't home; I haven't cheated on you."

Although Ichiro's reproach stung, Gabriel knew what he said was true. However, he was too upset to admit it and unable to be considerate of his lover's feelings after he caught him cheating.

As Gabriel turned around again, Ichiro was standing at the large patio door and watched the pool area. He already was back to his calm and aloof attitude, not even feeling the need to look at Gabriel. That not only bothered him but filled him with deep sadness, as he never in his wildest dreams assumed that Ichiro could be a lying cheater. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, the swimmer swallowed his anger before he began to speak again.

"Then, please, enlighten me by how that hickey mysteriously appeared on your neck, after you've spent the night with another man."

Gritting his teeth, Gabriel walked over to the dining area and pulled up a chair to shove it right behind his lover. He sat down, crossed his arms and addressed him anew. "I'm all ears."

Ichiro took a long and deep breath before he turned around to face Gabriel. The swimmer only now realised how hollow his lover's cheeks, how dark the circles around his eyes, and how red his bottom eyelids were. Disturbed by how little he noticed lately, he averted his gaze as Ichiro began to speak.

"Has it occurred to you that, since we've met, everything was about you? From the very start, I was cutting back on everything because I wanted you to feel safe and secure while dealing with your sexuality and all the new experiences. I chose to be emphatic and supportive instead of sharing my own issues with you because I knew it would've been a burden you weren't able to shoulder as well. And fucking hell, I even bottomed for you."

"Wait—" Gabriel frowned and lifted a hand. "Do you reproach me with something you've decided for yourself?"

"Is that how you think of me, Gabriel?" Ichiro huffed and crossed his arms. "I'm telling you this because, the whole time, you took it for granted and didn't even question if I was doing well. Quite the contrary, as you made me feel worse by giving me the cold shoulder without any explanation before you basically left me alone." 

For a brief moment, Ichiro faced the garden again to recollect himself before he fixed his gaze back on his lover.

"You either didn't notice how I felt, or you didn't care, but do you know who _did_ notice and who _did_ care? _Your_ friend, Darius. Which is why—"

"Oh, so ... the first person who shows interest in you while your boyfriend struggles with life instantly gets rewarded by making out with you? Is that how you work? I mean, you were pretty quick with me as well, weren't you?" Gabriel cut him off bitterly, but his eyes widened instantly after the words had left his lips. 

"Wait, no! I'm sorry!"

He jumped to his feet and reached for his lover, who took a sidestep to avoid his grasp while watching him with vacant eyes.

The swimmer grimaced and pulled back his hand.

"Ichi, I— I didn't mean to say that! I'm sorry!"

Ichiro huffed and averted his gaze as his lips curled up into a sardonic smile. 

Maintaining his composure was difficult as he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Although he finally should get used to it, as it always turned out like this, didn't it? People betrayed him. He trusted them, loved them even, and they chose to abuse him in some form or another. And then, they blamed him for their behaviour. Made him believe it was his fault. That he deserved how they've been treating him. 

But even Gabriel? His sun?

Ichiro choked as his stomach turned. His throat felt constricted, beads of cold sweat formed on his back, and hot tears stung in his eyes. He swallowed the thick lump that blocked him from speaking and looked back at the man who just broke him.

"Oh, I'm sure you didn't mean to, as it's usually better to keep vile thoughts like that to oneself, right? Thank you anyway for letting me know how you see me; that makes things easier."

Gabriel rubbed his face and groaned.

"Stop, no! That's not true! That's absolutely _not_ how I see you! But that lovebite on your neck sure gives me a reason to be angry, don't you think?! I'm hurt and feel betrayed!"

Closing his eyes, Ichiro clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

"Being angry with me because you don't know what happened, sure, that's legitimate. Feeling hurt and betrayed are valid emotions as well. I would feel exactly the same, Gabriel. 

"However, not giving me the time to explain but cutting me off to insult me and my feelings for you isn't. 

"Do you want to hurt me that badly, so you don't have to suffer alone? Let me tell you that you're managing pretty well — for weeks already. I would appreciate it if you would stop now because I already _was_ suffering, Gabriel. I already shared your pain — on top of my own because that's how it is when you deeply care for someone. When you love someone. I— I can't do this anymore."

Averting his gaze and choking back his tears, Ichiro briskly crossed the room and headed for the staircase. 

"Leave."

"Ichi, please—"

"Leave!"

The faint clicking of a closing door was the only sound that cut through the deafening silence Gabriel was surrounded by.

He felt paralysed and limply dragged himself to the front door where he needed three attempts to grasp the handle, as his vision became more and more blurry. And as if to mock him, the happy family chatter and laughter of neighbouring properties filled the air as he stepped outside and walked down the driveway. 

Forcing a smile, Gabriel lifted a hand and returned the greeting of a man, he probably should recognise, but his mind was blank. After hastily getting into his car, he searched his pockets for his phone, dropped it twice and smeared teardrops across the display as he swiped through his contacts.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=wocmessengerchat15ao329j14.jpg)

✵✵✵

A sunny Saturday afternoon in summer — of course, Albert Park was full of people. They took strolls, gathered for barbeques, had fun at the playground next to him, and many rented kayaks and boats to visit Gunn Island for birdwatching. Gabriel felt lost in the middle of all these carefree spirits and restlessly bounced his leg until he saw Darius and Marlon approaching.

He instantly tensed up as they joined him in the pavilion, but hasn't had the time to think about the unpleasant atmosphere, as Darius immediately broke the silence after he sat down.

"Aight, Gabe, please, do me a favour and keep ya mouth shut for a while and just listen, or we'll create more trouble and misunderstandings."

Gabriel frowned and quirked a brow, his mood already shifting back to anger.

"You were making out with my boyfriend, who just broke up with me, and now you think you're in a position to order me around?"

"Mate! Are y—"

"Nu-uh." Clasping a hand over Darius' mouth, Marlon cut him off, as he knew for sure what he was about to say would cause a fistfight eventually. He glanced over at Gabriel and signalled him to be quiet as well by pressing his index finger to his lips.

"We keep it civil, aight? Luckily, I'm here to babysit. Otherwise, you'd probably wreck each other, ya damn hotheads."

Gabriel grit his teeth but said nothing in return. 

He knew that Marlon was a few years older than Darius and him, therefore had more life experience and also a lot more knowledge about relationships. It probably would be wiser to listen to him than to rearrange Darius' face.

Suddenly, something occurred to him that made him frown again. 

"Say, Marlon... Doesn't it bother you that Darius did ... whatever with Ichi?"

Marlon leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Why would it when we have an open relationship? I mean, sure, I prefer he lets me know beforehand, but that was impossible this time, so..." He shrugged his shoulders and clicked his tongue. "Oh! The only thing that bothers me is that it was with a guy in a monogamous relationship. Shit stirs trouble, as you can see. Y'all ruinin' my peaceful Saturday."

"Aight, enough of that. Let me finally clear things up, please," Darius pleaded while pinching the bridge of his nose. Taking a deep breath, he fixed his gaze on Gabriel. "I lied to you last night. Frosty didn't call me. I showed up at the train station because I wanted to pick him up."

"And why would you do that? Behind my back?" Gabriel glared at him and clenched his jaw.

"Because I consider Frosty a friend."

"Really?" Gabriel leaned back and crossed his arms. "You barely know him." 

His friend laughed. "What?" Scowling, he quirked a brow and ran his tongue over his teeth. "You mean, unlike you?" 

Darius briefly glanced over to Marlon, who was deliberately squeezing his hand over the last remark.

"I remembered our conversation about Rayne being on a field trip and their parents travelling to Sydney until Christmas. 

"And you moron packed your bags as well — in his absence. I wondered why you'd think it would be a good idea to leave him completely alone after all that shit you both been through the past weeks."

"I told you I forgot about Richard and Claire."

"Yeah, but _I_ didn't."

They glared at each other, and Marlon blatantly obvious cleared his throat.

"Anyway," Darius inhaled slowly "I figured out the train, time of arrival, and went to the station. Frosty barely held his shit together when I spotted him, so I suggested to grab something to eat. We went to a diner, ate, talked a lot, and that calmed him down a bit. We talked about how you neglected him, and Frosty told me how he was understanding and wanted to be supportive because you were dealing with so much. 

"He's an angel, you know that, you ungrateful fucker?"

"Watch your mouth, you cu—"

"Naaaah, we don't do that here, boys," Marlon stated in a languid tone while lighting a cigarette.

Or so Gabriel thought. Scrunching up his nose, he shifted his gaze to Darius' partner.

"Mate, is that weed?"

"Gotta problem with that? I need that for my sanity 'cause no one can bear this annoying drama without bein' stoned. Ya better focus on ya weird lover's quarrel now. I wanna go home."

Gabriel briefly shook his head in disbelief and looked back at Darius, who shrugged his shoulders and continued.

"I invited Frosty over to make you jealous. We wanted you to realise that your behaviour was wrong. I wanted you to go home with him, being happy and everything. Our plan, _my_ plan was to let you see us cuddling in my bed at night, realising how much you love him and want to be with him. That's it. Frosty said my idea was bullshit, but also that he was desperate enough to try it — which is sad. 

"Anyway, we managed that well, as we fooled you, didn't we? Well, _I_ did because while I was carrying out our plan, Frosty was actually asleep. 

"I thought you'd wake him up and go home with him, but you insisted on letting him sleep... And then, in the morning..." Darius frantically rubbed his face and fixed his gaze back on Gabriel.

"Gabe, promise me that you won't punch me."

"If oneof you throws a punch, I'll drown ya both in the lake, and that ain't a threat but a promise."

Marlon exhaled a puff of smoke and eyed the guys briefly before focusing back on his phone.

"Darius cleared his throat and averted his gaze."

He was still asleep, and I, drowsy as fuck, mistook him for Marlon. I didn't even open my eyes when I kissed and bit his neck and...," he swallowed and rubbed his face again "and when I jerked him off."

"You did what?" Gabriel's deep voice boomed through the area, causing passers-by to look at the trio.

"Easy there, big boy. Let him finish." Marlon commanded in a low voice while watching Gabriel with a stern expression before he gestured Darius to continue.

"Frosty confused me with you as well, Gabe. He couldn't see me as I was laying behind him but jumped out of bed immediately as he realised it. He was mad as hell, yelled at me, he would report me for sexual assault while I was still disoriented and had trouble to comprehend what happened.

He even was about to go over to Daryl's room to wake you up and tell you everything. However, I pleaded him not to because I was afraid it would destroy your relationship, and our friendship as well. Everything was entirely my fault, Gabe, not Frosty's."

Poking his tongue against his cheek, Gabriel watched Darius indifferently before his low voice cut through the air.

"He wanted to tell me what happened?"

"Right away, yeah. Frosty was at the verge of tears, mate."

"And he wanted to report you?"

"Yep. His determination made me panic."

Sighing, Gabriel ruffled his hair, got up from his seat and walked down to the lakeshore.

"Ya better follow him, hun. We don't need a mental breakdown in front of an audience on top of all this teenage drama." Marlon gently pushed against Darius' back while shifting into a more comfortable position.

"And what am I supposed to do?"

Marlon shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. Do your Darius-thing. You're good at it."

"My Darius-thing."

"Uh-huh."

Clicking his tongue, his lover hesitantly followed Gabriel.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=marlonao3ujkhm.jpg)

Lighting another spliff and ignoring the suspicious glances of passers-by, Marlon leaned back and watched the guys calmly. Although he couldn't hear what they were talking about, both men had such an expressive body language that Marlon knew immediately when the topic shifted to Ichiro's cock. 

He huffed in amusement as he recalled how Darius explained that he didn't realise it wasn't _his_ cock. 

As if.

Smirking, he licked his lips before taking another pull of his spliff. 

Marlon leisurely puffed out thick rings of smoke while he continued watching the squabblers. They argued, were close to throwing punches, talked decently, then argued again. 

At one point, his crying lover snapped and lunged towards Gabriel, who palmed his friend's fist and pulled him into a tight embrace instead — and that was the moment Marlon smiled and closed his eyes. 

"Ichiro St James, you lucky fucker...," he chuckled, puffing out another string of smoke rings.

After a while, he heard footsteps approaching and opened his eyes again. Darius was alone, his tears dried, and his expression a lot more relaxed than before.

"See? Your Darius-thing worked. Wait, you _are_ back on good terms, right? If not, I'll chase him and drag him back here. My promise to drown ya both ain't expired yet, ya know?"

Darius forced himself to smile and slumped down on the bench. He leaned over, kissed Marlon and buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck. 

"Definitely not back to normal, but he doesn't hate me. It'll take time, I guess. I told him he should go home in the evening and try to talk to Frosty once more. The way he portrayed their fight didn't sound like Frosty broke up but was fed up with the situation.

"I'll let him know that we talked with Gabe, maybe that'll help. That's all I can do." He sighed and kissed the soft skin underneath his lips.

Marlon shifted his position and gently pulled Darius towards him until his lover's back rested against his chest. He curled a lock of his black hair around his finger and tenderly brushed the tip of his nose across Darius' ear. 

They sat in silence for a while and watched the kayaks, yachts and rowboats glide across the lake when Marlon's deep and gentle voice rung out next to Darius' ear.

"You're smitten with the pretty one, ain't ya?"

"Wha— whom? Gabe?"

Marlon hummed disapprovingly and placed a kiss on top of his lover's head.

"Don't play dumb, babe. Gabriel ain't pretty but hot. And he's tall, and buff like one of those dudes from a firefighter calendar, and that ain't your type. 

"Ya know exactly that I'm talkin' about that Victorian-era gothic vampire 'cause we both know that ya have a thing for the gorgeous and delicate ones."

Darius sighed and snuggled deeper into Marlon's embrace.

"You're nuts. Victorian-era gothic— what the fuck, Marlon, seriously..."

"What? Ain't he looking like he belongs to your room? Same aesthetic."

Darius turned back his head as far as possible and frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean? Could your way of describing things or people's characteristics get any weirder? Are ya _that_ stoned?"

Marlon smirked, kissed his lover's cheekbone and lifted his hand. 

"Gimme your phone, babe. I'll show you what I mean."

Darius did as he was told and watched how Marlon scrolled through his downloads.

"There it is. I knew ya would've saved it." He stopped at a picture of Ichiro. "And ya tellin' me he ain't lookin' like a Victorian-era vampire? Anyway, his sister uploaded this to her social media, right?"

"Yeah..."

"And you saved it."

"Well, yeah? Frosty is a friend, and look at that freaking amazing outfit; of course, I had to save it."

Marlon's deep and throaty chuckle filled the pavilion.

"Sure, sure, babe. Bet you have tons of pics of Gabe as well..."

Handing back the phone, he embraced Darius again and whispered into his ear "Smitten with him."

Darius rolled his eyes and gently nudged his elbow into Marlon's stomach.

"Mate, stop talking nonsense, I love _you_."

Marlon snickered and squeezed him tenderly.

"Oh, I know that, and I luv ya too, babe." He placed another kiss onto Darius' head. "And we both are well aware that our hearts are capable of loving more than one person at once, ain't we?"

✵✵✵

Readjusting his headphones, Ichiro looked around and bathed in the lights of Central Melbourne's buzzing streets while _Gorillaz' Souk Eye_ was booming in his ears. Although the city lacked Tokyo's incredible amount of billboards, its bustling activity on a Saturday night was close enough to almost make him feel at home. Almost.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichiurbannightao3b1keq.jpg)

Without a destination in mind, he kept wandering the streets, purposefully taking blurry pictures of various neon signs, traffic lights and strings of cars for his bokeh collection. He paused in front of a cinema and lifted his phone for another snapshot as he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. Quickly pushing his headphones down his neck, he turned around and froze on the spot.

"Fancy seeing you here, Mr St. James. The reflection of neon lights on your face sure is something else. And it looks _so_ familiar. Almost like back then, don't you think, _Baby Blue?"_

Ichiro's mind went blank as pure terror spread through his entire body. Feeling paralysed, he endured as Dmitrij leisurely rubbed the pad of his thumb across his bottom lip, slowly pushing it down to part his teeth with his nail. It was the same way as he did it back in Tokyo.

_It's him... It was him the whole time._

Tears welled up in his eyes, and he started trembling, but neither could he move, nor say anything.

Dmitrij smiled, although he looked slightly troubled. "So, you finally recognise me, Mr St. James."

He leaned down until his lips brushed against Ichiro's cheek. "I've yearned for you to remember me. To _see_ me in those eyes, which shine so beautifully when they're teary. They glow - just like neon lights."


	16. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> This chapter focuses almost entirely on Dima's and Ichi's first encounter, which contains blackmail, drug abuse, non-consensual sexual activities, mental abuse, and a suicide attempt.

**One year prior - Wednesday, October 24th, 2018**

"I know, my dear, and I really am sorry about ruining our plans, but I can't make a whole film crew postpone it, you understand that, don't you? How about we make up for it in January, and you spend the day with your friends instead? Do something fun or crazy; go out, get drunk, get a tattoo, go swimming in the middle of the night, make out with a sexy stranger - whatever, but live, for once."

Frowning, Dmitrij listened to how the woman next to him listed a bunch of questionable activities to someone who, apparently, was only a young adult.

Leaning against the gym mat, which was attached to the wall, he watched the actress through narrowed eyes as she was pacing back and forth through the bright and spacious fitness room. _Her_ fitness room, to be precise, in a house so big that his apartment probably would fit in four times.

Dmitrij's newest client was Claire Gainsborough; an actress of nationwide fame, who starred in several movies and played one of the lead roles in a popular Australian soap opera. She was a beautiful, outgoing and friendly woman - and starry-eyed.

Claire was naive and too trusting; treated Dmitrij like part of the family the day he started working with her, which was about three weeks ago. Despite knowing anything about him, the whole Gainsborough household readily accepted him, which was the exact reason why he chose them, as their philanthropy worked in his favour.

However, their housemaid, Nina Oliveira the middle-aged Portuguese, was suspicious of him from the start and a real pain in the ass. She always acted hostile towards Dmitrij, and permanently watched him while making sure to let him know she's within sight. Alas, she was an obstacle he had to deal with if he wanted to reach his goals since he planned to gain more influence in all of his businesses.

Dmitrij had three functions. The first one was being an important part of the Russian mafia; the second one, his regular job as a self-employed broker, which also worked as a cover-up. And becoming a yogi for the high-society was logical calculus, as it was only beneficial to have contacts to Melbourne's eccentric upper-class circle. 

Not only would it help to gain influence, and expand the Bratva's territory, but also earn him a decent amount of private fortune. 

Dmitrij only had to attend Claire's widely-known and regular parties to observe the easily bored, and rich snobs. Engaging them in conversations, which he naturally led and manipulated to gain their trust, he would either coax them to invest in stocks or buying his drugs. In best of times, they did both. 

Although he never touched drugs himself, he always acted like using them frequently, so he could mention _Midnight Blush_ and where to get it. A synthetic drug in capsules with a rather intoxicating effect and increasing the sex drive to a degree where it becomes almost impossible to withstand. The reason why it rapidly gained popularity amongst a specific clientele. It was child's play — you always got them with drugs and sex. While Dmitrij's minions did the donkeywork after acquiring new clients, he reported to his brothers in Vladivostok; that was his current daily business.

Establishing the _Bratva_ in Australia was annoying and far below his dignity. However, since someone competent with a fair amount of vital connections had to do it, of course, they chose Dmitrij. He was charismatic, smart and eloquent, spoke five different languages, and therefore, knew his way around. 

Although taking over Melbourne's drug business was child's play to him, he couldn't wait to get over with it. Dmitrij wasn't mediocrity within the Russian mafia, far from that, and usually operated as their corporate ambassador. He kept it peaceful between the Bratva and other organisations, maintained business connections, and supervised and secured big deals. Although it meant to fly quite regularly to Japan, China and Albania, it was a rather relaxed area of operation with more business-related dinners than actual work, and he wanted to go back to it quickly.

Pursing his lips, Dmitrij crossed his arms and heaved a quiet sigh, annoyed that Claire interrupted the lesson for yet another phone call.

He watched how the actress's rueful smile shifted into a sincerely sad expression as she listened to the person on her phone.

"No, that was a quick idea of mine because we definitely stop filming that month. Your father sent the message just a moment ago and doesn't know about my plan yet, but, of course, he will agree to it, as he desperately wants to see you."

Claire started gnawing on her thumb and deep creases formed on her forehead while she continued listening.

"I know, but the team must've decided it last minute. I called you right away to let you know, seriously. Ichiro, we love you and are as devastated as you are that we can't visit you, but January would-

"But why? You don't have to tell her, do you? Tell your mother you have to work or something?"

Dmitrij frowned, as the Japanese name didn't fit with anything he knew about the Gainsboroughs — his curiosity was piqued.

Claire shot him a quick glance and smiled apologetically before addressing her conversation partner again.

"My dear boy, the offer to live with us still stands, you know that, right? Then, we'd never have to face these problems again.

"Ichi, no. You're an adult, you can—," she sighed defeatedly "Yes... I know ... Yes. Alright. Take care, my dear, I love you."

Fighting her upwelling tears with a bright smile, Claire walked over to Dmitrij and spread her arms wide open.

"Could I get a hug instead of finishing today's lesson? I feel miserable."

Clenching his teeth, he inhaled deeply and nodded.

"Naturally, Miss Gainsborough."

While he embraced the delicate woman, she sighed softly and shook off the subtle trembling of her body.

"You must be confused about what you've just heard because no one mentioned Ichiro before."

Claire took a step back, smiled again and firmly took hold of Dmitrij's hand.

"Come, I'll show you."

She led him to her husband's study, stopped in front of his desk and reached for a silver picture frame.

"Ichiro St James; turns twenty-one next week, and is Richard's biological child of the first marriage."

Dmitrij wasn't prepared for what Claire basically shoved into his face.

It was a young man, stunningly beautiful, and with the most angelic features, Dmitrij had ever seen. Unmistakably Asian, but with the same ice-blue eyes as Claire's husband.

The young St. James clasped one of his delicate wrists, as his elbows were propped up on a table, and shyly smiled into the camera. His inclined head exposed a slender and soft-looking neck, Dmitrij would love to cover with marks, and the boy's expression was so pure that he wondered how he would look like when—

After subtly wetting his lips at the thought of staining that boy's innocence, Dmitrij frowned immediately and clenched his teeth since he never desired anything sexual with anyone before. Clearing his throat, he fixed his gaze back on the actress.

"The young master's looks are out of the ordinary, I would say," he stated nonchalantly while handing back the picture.

"He's gorgeous, isn't he?! And so bright..." Claire smiled proudly at the boy's portrait and tenderly caressed its surface. "This is an older picture, though, from last year's birthday. Ichi is growing out his hair now. He sounded quite pleased as he recently told me about the tips already reaching his shoulders. It really is breaking my heart that we can't celebrate his birthday this year."

Swallowing hard, she placed the frame back in its place and turned to Dmitrij.

"Oh, don't mention the call to Rayne, please. She hates her stepbrother and doesn't know that we talk regularly. She's already upset when Richard talks to him, you know?"

"What phone call?" he asked, feigning ignorance and offered Claire a smile that she genuinely reciprocated.

"He does not live in Melbourne, I take it?"

Claire shook her head and walked over to the window.

"Richard's ex-wife is Japanese; Ichiro lives in Tokyo, and we barely see him because Arisa, his mother, is against it. Unfortunately, our boy is submissively dependent on her."

Dmitrij's lips twitched into a faint smile. Tokyo - what an interesting coincidence. Although born and raised in Vladivostok, he spent a lot of time in Japan, as it's basically within spitting distance. Before Dmitrij moved to Australia, he lived in Tokyo for about two years, to rebuild and secure a neutral relationship with the Yakuza. That was a necessary duty after an unfortunate misunderstanding about a huge drug deal, which ended with several deaths on both sides.

Dmitrij had lots of local contacts and suddenly felt the urge to pay them a visit, determined to track down the blue-eyed boy. However, Claire's sigh pulled him out of his train of thoughts and reluctantly made him focus back on her.

"Ichiro is smart, works hard and always does what his mother wants him to do, but she's never satisfied with the results and ill-treats him all the time. He studies architecture, but what Arisa doesn't know is that he started working at a gay bar in Shinjuku to save more money."

"A gay bar?" Dmitrij quirked a brow, as today's development became more and more intriguing. "Is he gay?"

"Well, he never said anything, but I wouldn't be surprised. Ichiro seems to have issues with gender-related social norms and is campaigning for global LGBTQA+ equality, so he's at least a strong ally if not a part of the community himself.

"His mother thinks he's working night shifts at a convenience store. That little white lie was the most rebellious thing he ever did." Claire huffed a laugh and turned back to Dimitrij.

"Ichi suffers but is too scared to change something. And he respects her too much to be disobedient. He's an altruistic, sincere, and gentle spirit - I'm very fond of him.

Taking a deep breath, Claire clapped her hands together and smiled brightly again.

"Alright, Dima, I'll take a quick shower, but you sure will stay a little longer to join me for a coffee afterwards, right?"

A thin smile on his lips, Dmitrij subtly inclined his head. "With pleasure."

"Fantastic!" With a 'thumbs up', she turned to leave. "See you in the kitchen!"

While Claire's footsteps faded away, his blank expression turned into a genuinely pleased smile as he reached into his pocket.

"What a surprisingly splendid development," he whispered while focusing his phone's camera onto the young man's portrait. "I certainly had to reach a point in my life where I could not get any more bored until fate decided to grant me an adventure, it seems." He zoomed in until Ichiro's features filled the entire display. "There are plenty of gay bars in Shinjuku, but it will not take me long to find you," he narrowed his eyes and clicked the release button. "And I cannot wait to make your acquaintance, Mr St. James."

✵✵✵

**Saturday, July 20th, 2019**

Strolling through Tokyo's bustling nightlife, Dmitrij was in a cheerful mood and hummed the melody of a Russian lullaby as he hopped into the train to Shinjuku. Today was the day, his adventure would finally reach its climax - figuratively but also literally, he hoped.

It was vexing that he already found the boy on his first visit in February, but couldn't meet him nevertheless. He had to check about fifteen bars until he found the right one and conveniently, he knew one of the employees. Takuya Arata, a cocaine-addict, former boy prostitute and the insignificant errand boy for various drug dealers. Callous and rotten to the core - Dmitrij knew him for several years already.

Showing him the photography, Takuya laughed, immediately recognising his colleague, stating that he would look entirely different by now. And he used the opportunity to make fun of his naivete.

Arata said that he simply was hot for St. James and wanted to have a pretty and clean fuck buddy. So he told him the heart-wrenching story of him coming from an abusive, broken home and that he longed for a healthy relationship where he would feel safe and secure. That struck a nerve with St. James and made him swallow the fairy tale.

Dmitrij had smiled at St. James' kind-hearted nature and asked Takuya to introduce him, alas, that wasn't possible. It was a Wednesday, his flight back to Australia scheduled for the day after, and Ichiro only worked on Friday and Saturday nights. Frustrated, Dmitrij had to come off empty-handed but ordered the errand boy to come up with a way to meet St. James, so he wouldn't have to waste time on his next visit.

Unfortunately, his next visit had to be postponed over and over again. His work and fulfilling his duties for the Bratva were of far more importance. However, that finally ended today.

He didn't know why Arata chose to change his name when he lied to St. James, but today Dmitrij was _Nikolaj_ \- Arata's acquaintance who visited Tokyo for the first time and needed company last minute since Arata was too busy. And although St. James had to work at the bar, he agreed to it, suggested, _Nikolaj_ could spend the evening there and that he would walk him home to Takuya's place after.

He was a good boy.

With a pleased smile on his lips, Dmitrij passed the bar's entrance.

The popular nightclub was cramped with guests engaged in cheerful conversations and dancing to loud pop music on the small neon-lit dancefloor. However, none of that was of interest to Dmitrij. His gaze was already fixed at the brightly smiling bartender, who was pouring someone a drink.

Arata was right, the boy had changed a lot. His hair was as long as Dmitrij's, framing his angelic features with silky black strands that reached past his collarbones. There was a piercing in his brow, and his toothy laugh exposed canines of remarkable length. Realising that the young Master's striking beauty only had increased, an intense feeling of satisfaction spread through Dmitrij's entire body. Unerringly weaving through the crowd, he finally stopped right in front of his object of desire.

It didn't take long until St. James' beautiful eyes darted over to the newly arrived guest. He leaned towards Dmitrij and smiled gently.

"Good evening, sir. What will it be?"

"A _Russian Flag_ and your company, Mr St. James," Dmitrij answered in his raspy voice, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk.

Puzzled, the young man quirked a brow and grinned. "Oh, so you must be Nikolaj, I take it?"

Dmitrij smiled and extended a hand. "It's Niko for you. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance and delighted that you will keep me company tonight, thank you."

"The pleasure is all mine, Niko." Ichiro's pupils dilated as he smiled shyly while slightly bowing down. 

His slender fingers shook Dmitrij's hand in a firm grip, sending a pleasant quiver down his spine. He would have liked to touch St. James longer, but that would have to wait. Instead, he subtly squeezed his hand while staring intensely at him and gently pulled back again.

St. James cleared his throat and reached for a bottle. "I have to work for three more hours, and afterwards, we could grab some food and hang out for a while, or I walk you home directly, should you be tired; whatever works best for you."

Dmitrij smiled satisfied and nodded in agreement, watching how the young man started mixing his drink.

✵✵✵

"How long will you stay here?" St. James squinted at him, the bright fluorescent light of the street lantern blinding his sight.

They were on their way to Arata's apartment but stopped at a convenience store before to get some prepacked bento meals and beer. Dmitrij managed to persuade the surprisingly cautious Ichiro to not only walk him home but to join him for a quick midnight snack as well.

Sighing, he offered him a crooked smile.

"Unfortunately, I already depart tomorrow night, as I have to be back at work on Tuesday."

St. James nodded. "Moscow, huh? The Kremlin is an imposing structure. We talked a lot about it at the university."

"Ah, right, you were an architecture student, I forgot."

The young man frowned at him. "How do you know?"

Dmitrij cursed internally but smiled quickly. "Oh, Takuya must have mentioned it."

St. James quirked a brow. "Is that so? Interesting..." Still frowning, he averted his gaze. 

He kept quiet until they reached their destination — a drinking hole in a quiet backstreet with various diners and illegal gambling rooms, highly frequented by Tokyo's lowlives. Ichiro fished something from his pocket and gazed up the ramshackle building.

"It's upstairs, on the right." Holding out a key, he locked eyes with Dmitrij and smiled, his gaze briefly dropping to his lips. "I think it's better when I go home now," he whispered, clearing his throat. "It was nice to meet you, Niko. Take care, and have a safe trip back."

Dmitrij clenched his teeth but reciprocated the smile. Not on any terms, he'd let him slip now.

"That really is a pity. I was hoping I could show my gratitude for you keeping me company." He tipped his head to the side, staring intensely at St. James, a faint smirk on his lips.

Restlessly twirling the key in his hand, the boy's unsettled gaze flitted up and down the street as he bit his lip.

"Alright, I'll join you for a quick ... beer if that's okay with you."

"Naturally, Mr St. James, thank you."

Ichiro nodded, unlocked the door, and stepped inside the building, unaware of the pleased smile on Dmitrij's face.

While St. James fetched some chopsticks in the kitchen, Dmitrij spiked his beer with a capsule of Midnight Blush. He didn't know why that was even necessary, but it was common practice within the Bratva, so he simply borrowed it. There was only one topic where Dmitrij lacked an embarrassingly high amount of knowledge since he never in his life cared about it, and that was sexuality. However, seeing St. James' photography somehow roused him to passion, provoking him to a degree where it became unbearable. And now, he was here, not exactly sure what to do.

When Ichiro flopped down next to him, he unintentionally fastened the process of the drug's impact by downing his drink real quick. He looked at Dmitrij, smiled and started scrolling through his phone, humming a song's melody that played in the club before.

While watching St. James, Dmitrij cleared one of the bento boxes. He wasn't hungry, but since Ichiro bought them for him, it was a matter of respect. 

It didn't take long, and St. James started rubbing his temples, eyed his tinny with puckered brows and then glared at Dmitrij. 

"Did you just— Have you roofied my drink? What have you put into my beer?" he asked in a flat, strained voice, scowling.

Dmitrij placed the empty bento box on the table, leaned over, and grabbed St. James' shoulders to steady him. 

"A capsule of Midnight Blush; a drug that increases the sex drive."

St. James' dilated pupils searched his gaze, struggling to hold it. "Why would you do that; are you insane?"

Dmitrij frowned. "Because I want to sleep with you — is this not how one-night-stands work?"

"What? Is this a fucking joke—are you kidding me? You can't be _this_ stupid, right? Who in their right mind would think spiking someone's drink to have sex with them would be okay?!" Ichiro groaned and slowly turned away, pulling at his pants' fabric because it uncomfortably covered his growing erection. "I'm freaking the fuck out; why am I getting hard?" he whimpered, turned back to Dmitrij and glared at him.

Tilting his head, Dmitrij watched him for a brief moment. "Are you not interested in me, Mr St. James?"

Ichiro huffed a strained laugh, jerkily shaking his head. "This has to be a bad joke." 

Wetting his lips, he exposed a tongue with two slender tips that made Dmitrij's breath hitch, as he imagined how it might feel to kiss him.

"I _was_ interested in you, Niko, which is why I wanted to avoid being here with you because I wanted to block the opportunity to fuck you until dawn. I'm Taku's boyfriend, and he's not into poly things or open relationships. Oh, yeah, and I almost forgot that you've fucking drugged me, so I'm sure as hell _not_ interested in you anymore!" His voice cracked, and he tried to swallow the dry lump that formed in his throat.

Dmitrij cupped his cheek and made him face him again.

"You are worried about that scum's feelings, Mr St. James? It was Arata who arranged our meeting, knowing my intentions. And I will tell you another thing. Takuya does not come from an abusive or broken family. He comes from a good home, but his drug addiction, prostitution, lies and stealing destroyed the bond. He does not care about you but uses you for his pleasure, as he knows that you are clean in any way, shape or form."

"What...?" St. James' voice was but a croaked whisper, his gaze empty, as he had trouble comprehending what he just heard.

Dmitrij stroke the pad of his thumb across Ichiro's cheek.

"You are smart and perceptive, but, mark my words, Mr St. James, your benevolence is your Achilles' heel and will always cause trouble."

He leaned in and brushed their noses together before he kissed him tenderly; slipped his tongue past Ichiro's lips to tease the slender tips that awaited him. St. James breathed a tiny moan into his mouth, reciprocating the kiss while simultaneously pushing against Dmitrij's chest. His mind didn't want this to happen, yet it was hard fighting the wave of lust that quickly build up inside him. Cursing the Russian and his drug, he pulled back and glared at him. However, Dmitrij kissed him anew, slowly shoving him down into the sofa cushions where he started undressing him.

Smiling, he let his gaze wander about Ichiro's exposed body while his cool fingertips drew circles on his delicate waist.

"You are a piece of art, Mr St. James - it is a shame that we are living so far apart because I could get used to seeing this every day."

"Why are you doing this, Niko?" Although tears streamed down his rosy cheeks, St. James' voice was steady, and he confidently held Dmitrij's gaze.

"Because I wanted to have you the moment I first laid eyes on you, which was about nine months ago, Mr St. James. Your unique beauty stirred something withing me; I yearned for you, Mr St. James."

Rapidly blinking, Ichiro frowned and fixed his gaze back on Dimitrij, who was unbuckling his belt.

"I have no idea where we've met, nine months ago, but you could've asked me out back then, Niko." His voice broke again. Frowning, he swallowed several times before he continued. "You're of unique beauty yourself, you know? And absolutely my type. Wanna know why I agreed to go upstairs with you anyway? Because I intended cheating on Takuya with you; that's how hot you are in my eyes. All this," he gestured vaguely, "all this could have happened consensually, but you've ruined it by drugging me."

Not only was Dmitrij fascinated by the boy's sheer beauty but also his clear mind, as _Midnight Blush's_ intoxicating effect didn't seem to work on him. And he was impressed by his strong-willed and proud nature — it excited him, made him hard. He got up to his knees, reached for St. James' hand, leading into his boxer briefs. With clenched teeth, he pulled it out and started stroking. 

"What kind of hellish stuff is this? Why does it make me want to suck you off, although I actually don't want to? Because I actually want nothing but punching you, Niko; I hate you," he whimpered, reaching for his own dick while leaning towards Dmitrij's. Hungrily sucking him deep into his mouth, he started stroking himself while Dmitrij gently caressed the back of his head. He closed his eyes, enjoying the strange sensation. However, his lust was almost unbearable and irritated him, as it not only felt new but like losing control over the situation. He wanted to be gentle with him, but the effect St. James had on him made him angry.

Huffing, he bit his lip and roughly curled his long and slender fingers into Ichiro's silken hair.

"I highly enjoy what you are doing, Mr St. James."

The backstreet's many neon signs illuminated the room, projecting a beautiful kaleidoscope of colours onto Ichiro's gorgeous face. He glanced up to him, his baby-blue eyes watery. The sight was very arousing and made him tighten his grip on St. James' head to firmly thrust his throat. The boy groaned and grabbed him by the hips, his teary eyes reflecting the neon lights. His beauty was astounding and sent a quiver through Dmitrij's body whenever he looked at him.

He pushed deep into St. James' mouth and watched him as his lips slid down to the base of his cock - it was difficult to suppress the orgasm, but he wouldn't allow anyone to make him lose control. Not even St. James. Always being calm and collected was his trademark, and he wouldn't make an exception, no matter the situation.

Soft moans and gagging sounds filled the silence until Dmitrij decided to push Ichiro back onto the sofa. Gently turning him around, he aligned himself between the delicate boy's legs. St. James squirmed and tried to jink, but Dmitrij quickly pushed Ichiro's back into the soft cushions.

"Please, not this way around, Niko. I never was the passive part before, and I don't intend to change that. Please, don't do that," he pleaded while glancing over his shoulder.

"You have said yourself that you wanted to have sex with me, and this is the only way I have looked up beforehand." Dmitrij lavishly spat into his hand and coated his cock and Ichiro's backside in saliva.

St. James huffed and moaned irritated. "I wanted to have sex with you _before_ you've drugged me! And I would have been the active one, that I can assure you," he hissed through his teeth, followed by another moan. Dmitrij carefully pushed inside while St. James rolled his hips into the motion. "Gah, this hurts! Why am I doing this? Why don't you care about that I actually don't want to do this, Niko?" he asked, his voice shaking.

Dmitrij _did_ care, but he was too upset and confused. Why did St. James make him feel this emotional? And why did he keep acting nicely despite everything? 

Dmitrij yearned for the boy for so long; having sex with him was incredibly satisfying and felt overwhelmingly fantastic. It made his entire body tingle, released all his pent-up tension, and sparked sensations he didn't know before, which made it quite troublesome to deal with. However, the whole event also felt equally wrong, and the anger about all these chaotic emotions outweighed everything.

With a tight grip on Ichiro's hips, Dmitrij started thrusting him, eliciting the sweetest moan from him. 

Panting, St. James rolled his hips into his motions over and over again, reached back to plunge his nails into Dmitrij's side. "I'm getting so dizzy and nauseous, but you're so..." he moaned anew and pressed his bottom deep into Dmitrij's lap. "I hate it. I hate you." Ichiro leaned up and glanced over his shoulder while tightening his grip on the Russian's sides. Gazing intensely at him, he moved his hips again.

"You are a good boy, _Baby Blue,"_ he whispered, leaned forward and placed a single kiss between his shoulder blades.

"I highly appreciate that you have kept me company until the end, Mr St. James, even though you actually chose to attack me in the end." 

Dmitrij carefully touched the deep cut on his cheekbone, and Ichiro's eyes darted over to the shards of the broken ashtray.

"I will remember this night," he continued. "And I will make sure it scars over, to remember what happened whenever I look into a mirror. Oh, and I recommend keeping quiet about this, as I assume, Richard and Claire would be fairly upset about it."

Ichiro choked as he heard his family members' names, and became nauseous again. He didn't know who Nikolaj was, but that he knew of Ichiro's family was very concerning.

The rustling of fabric filled the air, followed by footsteps. "You should dress, or you will catch a cold." 

Dmitrij draped a blanket over Ichiro's naked body and turned to leave.

"Mr St. James, people like you, so kind and of fragile nature, usually do not survive in this world. However, you are something else, and I am curious about what decisions you will make.

"Surprise me, Baby Blue - I will watch you from afar until we meet again."

The soft click of a closing door, fading footsteps on a wooden stair, humming noises of neon signs, silence.

Ichiro curled up into a ball and tried to ignore the smell of his vomit, their semen and Niko's blood that filled the air. He still felt dizzy, his stomach permanently cramped painfully, and his mind became numb.

The dawn's dim light gradually started to brighten the room while cicadas and birds struck up their first songs - a peaceful scenery, yet all he could feel was dread and loneliness.

The physical pain he felt was nothing compared to what his mind went through, and he wished, he could simply make it stop with a snap.

He drifted into a hazy slumber, relived what had happened but as a bystander. Watched himself doing these things with the handsome man that was so twisted inside.

His stomach turned at the vision of that beautiful, marble-coloured face with amber eyes, void of emotions. Ichiro vomited again, and a burning pain spread through his entire body, settled in every fibre, ate its way into his head.

Weakly, he tried to turn on his back, but the soreness stopped him quickly and made him whimper. Ichiro couldn't name the emotions he felt for what had happened, or how he felt about Niko, but he knew what he felt towards himself; it was hate. 

After a while, he slowly scrambled to his feet, clumsily dressed and left the apartment.

✵✵✵

He couldn't remember how he managed to get home, as his mind was in a constant haze, but he suddenly stood right in front of his mother's bedroom, his forehead pressed against the door. The moment the familiar scent of their home hit his nose, he slumped down and started crying.

A noise rang out from the other side of the door and shortly after, his mother glared at him.

"You damn rascal, it's almost six in the morning, where have you been? You look atrocious, you stink abominably, and you dare to crash about, right in front of your sleeping mother's door. Disgusting and disrespectful!" She leaned down and slapped him across the face. "Get out of my sight right this instant!"

Ichiro bowed down and pressed his forehead to the ground, his body shaking as he tried to suppress the sobbing.

"I'm sorry! Okaasan, I didn't mean to bother you, I'm truly sorry, but..." he heaved a ragged breath. "I just— I think, someone just raped me."

He started sobbing again, but his mother stayed unaffected and addressed him in a cold voice.

"Have you ever looked into a mirror, Ichiro? You wear makeup like an easy girl and dress like a whore, you twisted pansy. Something like that was bound to happen, as you provoked it. You are a disgrace from head to toe. You disgust me, and I don't know how I'm supposed to put up with a hellspawn like you - you are as wretched as your father." Arisa grimaced at him, repulsed by his sight.

"Get out of my life, Ichiro. Do the world a favour and finally vanish. Disappear into thin air, I'm done with you, and I don't want to ever see here again. You are dead to me."

Another click of a closing door, another pair of footsteps that faded away, and again, he was surrounded by silence.

More loneliness, more dread, and more self-hate filled his body and his mind. So much so that he thought he might burst. Niko was right, people like him don't survive in this world. And he was tired of trying and failing, again and again. So, so tired.

"I'm sorry for being such a disgrace, Okaasan," he whispered and buried his face in his hands. "I'll make sure to never disappoint you again."

He took a deep breath but couldn't suppress what was welling up in his throat and vomited again.

✵✵✵

Although his mind was still foggy, Ichiro was aware of where he was going now, as the decision, he had made, had cleared a tiny part in his head. His new destination loomed at the horizon, called him with a warm and loving voice, and he couldn't wait to get there.

Choking at the smell in Takuya's apartment as he entered the place, he quickly strode over to the bathroom and rummaged through the small apothecary cabinet.

Although he never said anything, Ichiro knew about Taku being a drug dealer; even if he didn't have known, the cabinet's contents were proof enough.

An enormous amount of weed, tiny bags with white powder, and various prescription drugs filled the little shelves and made him grimace in disgust. Nonetheless, he grabbed a small container of sleeping pills, walked into the kitchen and threw them into a coffee mug.

The fridge contained nothing but red wine, tequila, vodka and milk with a questionable expiration date. Ichiro grabbed the wine bottle and mixed his last cocktail. The taste was horrible, but he didn't bother, as the last time, he felt at ease like this was when his father was still with him.

His father...

Ichiro walked over to the living room and laid down on the floor where the morning sun produced a warm basking spot. He looked up at the window and smiled at the blue sky. He loved his father, and Claire, his new wife. And he also loved his little sister, who hated him for no reason. 

Now, he would never get the chance to meet them again, but that was okay, as he knew they were happy. They were a loving family and had each other, and he never wanted to bring misery upon them by joining them.

He downed the rest of his cocktail and carefully placed the mug at the small side table next to him.

Wondering if he ever could have become happy, would he have joined his father's new family, he closed his eyes. It was too late for regrets now, and what happened to him today too severe to live with it. The thought of his mother immediately constricted his throat again, completely overshadowing was Niko did to him.

His life had become too heavy, and he wasn't strong enough to live it anymore.

Ichiro enjoyed the feeling of warm sun rays caressing his face - until he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

✵✵✵

It was the thirteenth time that Dimitrij had to reject a call from that scoundrel Takuya; he slowly was losing his composure. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he tried focusing on the newspaper again while he waited for his order. Dmitrij sat in an exquisite, little café in Shibuya, not far from a designer watch shop he wanted to visit. His phone rang anew as the waitress served his espresso - she glanced questioningly at him as he was about to ignore it again. Clenching his teeth, he smiled at her and picked up the phone.

_"What the hell have you done to Ichi?"_

"Hello to you too, Takuya."

_"Save the shit! I'm serious, what have you done? I agreed to arrange a meeting so that you can fuck him, but not to kill him!"_

Frowning, Dmitrij slightly turned around to face the wall.

"What nonsense are you talking?"

_"I just came home, and he laid there on the ground, not responding at all! You killed him!"_

"Calm down, you punk. I did not kill Mr St. James. He was conscious when I left, and the drug's effects already had worn off.

_"Dima, I'm almost sure there was no heartbeat, and I couldn't see him breathing either!"_

Dmitrij clicked his tongue.

"Where is he now?"

_"I called an ambulance, and after performing revitalisation measures, they hastily took him with them."_

"Which hospital?"

_"Dunno! Shinjuku Medical Center, probably."_

Dmitrij ended the call, downed his espresso, placed a bill on the table and left. Scowling, he clenched his teeth as he walked to the next station. He didn't know what happened after he left, but if the boy died or was about to, it would become troublesome, as Dmitrij's DNA was all over him.

✵✵✵

"Oh, are you a relative? We tried to inform his mother, but the woman who answered the call assured us she wouldn't have a son."

The nurse stood up from her seat and walked around the desk.

"My name is Dmitrij Kasakow, I am a close friend of Mr St. James family. Unfortunately, they do live abroad, and he does not have anyone other around."

The young woman nodded understandingly and started walking.

"Follow me, please. Mr St. James probably is still unconscious, as it was a lot that he took."

"When can he leave?"

"Ah, that will take a while, I'm afraid. Attempted suicide requires medical assistance and psychological aftercare for a fixed period."

"Vexing," he muttered, clenching his teeth.

"Pardon?" The nurse turned around, but Dmitrij only smiled and shook his head.

They stopped in front of a single room where the nurse asked him to wait as she checked on the boy. After a short while, she let him enter and returned to her desk.

St. James offered a miserable sight. He was deathly pale, and the marks, Dimitrij had left all over his delicate neck looked almost black.

He sighed, walked over to him and gently caressed his cold cheek.

"Mr St. James."

Ichiro stayed asleep, his chest barely moving. Dmitrij leaned down, briefly brushing the tip of his nose over St. James' brow. "I am sorry," he whispered, heaved a deep breath, and walked over to the window. 

It was almost late afternoon, and he would have to leave for the airport soon, which caused an unsettling feeling to spread through his stomach.

He kept staring out the window until another heavy downpour blurred the sight. As he turned around, St. James vacantly stared out the window as well.

"Mr St. James, are you aware that you are standing at a crossroad? Before you choose the way that leads to the abyss, you should try the others. I do not want you to die, Ichiro. Australia is a beautiful country; you should visit it."

St. James' gaze slowly shifted to Dmitrij, but his expression stayed blank.

He watched him for a moment before a small croak left his throat.

"Pardon?" Dmitrij frowned, stepped closer to the bed and leaned down. "Please, repeat yourself."

"... Who are you?"

Arching a brow, Dmitrij stepped back, tilting his head in puzzlement.

"Pardon my intrusion, sir, I must have mixed up the room numbers."

On his way out, he stopped at the front desk once more, handing over his business card. "I would like you to contact me for everything that involves Mr St. James' medical treatment. He shall have the best therapy with the most capable experts on hand. Expense is no object, and I would appreciate it if you could keep quiet about it. He does not have to know who is covering his clinical care."

Slightly confused, the nurse nodded and put away Dmitrij's contact details. "Very well. Please, expect a call within the next two days; our consultant will discuss further details with you."

Smiling, Dmitrij nodded in agreement, bowed and turned to leave.

✵✵✵

**Monday, September 30th, 2019**

Dmitrij just had arrived, but the commotion inside the Gainsborough mansion already shattered his nerves, despite still standing before closed doors.

Claire finally opened and immediately jumped into his arms. "Dima! Oh, what happened to your hair? The shorter style looks good, though! Anyway! Guess what!"

Clenching his teeth, he smiled.

"I do not know, Claire, but you certainly will tell me, I guess?"

"Of course!" She grinned, clasped his hand and excitedly shook it.

"Ichiro will move to Australia! It finally happens! He's about to arrange everything and will be with us by the end of October! Isn't that the best news ever? Our boy will finally come home!"

Arching a brow, Dmitrij barely could conceal his genuine surprise.

"Fantastic news, I am happy for you and your loved ones."

"Thank you, Dima!"

Tears of joy started streaming down her cheeks as she ushered him inside.

That, indeed, was a pleasant surprise. Who would have thought that St. James would muster up the courage to cut ties with his homeland? Certainly not Dmitrij. Smiling, he closed the door.

"I can hardly wait to meet the young master."

Claire laughed heartily and entered the kitchen. "Oh, I'm sure you'll get along well!"


	17. Colourblind

**Present**

When his lips brushed against Ichiro's smooth skin, Dmitrij's breath hitched, and his whole face started to tingle. He wanted to savour the moment, to relish what he'd yearned for, but a tap on his shoulder forced him to stop. Clenching his teeth, Dmitrij straightened up to full height and turned around; the sight, he was met with, wasn't a pleasant one.

It was Gabriel Montgomery and right beneath a no waiting-sign not far from them parked an unfamiliar car. A blonde stranger leaned against it and watched the small group with an indifferent expression.

His stern gaze fixed on Dmitrij, Gabriel casually stood there in silence, hands in his pockets — his aura couldn't be any more threatening. Although the well-built athlete looked imposing, Dmitrij's mouth twitched into a sneer, as he knew, no matter what the young man planned to do, in the end, he would always lose. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabrielch18ao36wjon.jpg)

He subtly nodded his head to greet the swimmer.

"Gabriel, what a coincidence that we all are running into each other at this place. Were you about to watch a movie with Mr St. James, perhaps?"

The young man's jaw muscles tensed several times underneath his tan skin as he shifted his weight onto his left leg.

"No, but I was watching how you touched him inappropriately."

He glanced past Dmitrij to Ichiro, who hadn't moved since but quickly fixed his gaze back on the Russian.

"Is that what you do in your free time? Walking around, touching people in the middle of the street like a creep?"

Dmitrij smiled unperturbed. "Oh, by no means have I touched him inappropriately. I ran into Mr St. James as he tried to remove something from his eye, and I simply assisted him; isn't that right, Mr St. James?" He glanced over his shoulder and locked eyes with Ichiro, who nodded mechanically, his pupils dilated despite being surrounded by bright neon signs. 

Smirking satisfied, Dmitrij turned back to Gabriel, who then walked up close until their noses almost touched. The Russian put on a smug expression, as he found the situation highly amusing.

"You are an imposing man, Gabriel, that is for sure, albeit I do not know why you take issue with our encounter or why you feel the need to plant yourself in front of me. Whatever the reason is, let me tell you that your action does not have the effect you wish for, and I would appreciate it if you would increase the distance again. 

"However, in case it is your intention to harm me, I have a piece of advice for you. Think twice and, for your own good, refrain from it eventually." 

Grinding his teeth, Gabriel studied his counterpart for a brief moment, then tipped his head back a little.

"I won't harm you, Dmitrij, because Ichi despises it, but I'll watch you from now on. Always."

Dmitrij's cheesy smile widened as he gave a condescending nod without breaking eye contact.

"Very well. Whatever caters to your desires, Gabriel."

He turned around, his faked smile instantly vanishing from his sharp features as his gaze met Ichiro's vacant eyes. Dmitrij tilted his head, a wild mix of unfamiliar emotions swirling through his amber eyes.

"Even now, you still are detesting violence, Mr St. James?" He knew his murmured question was drowned out by the noisy traffic, but it wasn't meant to be heard anyway. 

Narrowing his eyes, he clenched his teeth and reluctantly stepped aside while glancing back at Gabriel.

"It seems like the young master does not feel well — you should take him home. Goodnight."

Gabriel bit his tongue and gently pulled Ichiro against his body, as he was standing way too close to the kerbside. He kept watching the Russian until his elegant figure vanished amidst passersby before he looked down to search his lover's gaze.

"Are you alright?"

Ichiro looked as if he was in a trance and struggled to lock eyes with Gabriel. He nodded faintly and averted his gaze.

"Just a bit dizzy. I better go home."

Gabriel growled disapprovingly as his lover turned around to walk away and carefully pulled him back. "You can't go anywhere in your current state. If you absolutely want to walk, I'll wait here with you until you feel better, but we can also drive you home." He gestured to the waiting car. "Marlon is over there, see?"

Lazily waving as Ichiro looked over to him, Marlon pushed himself off of the car to get back in.

"Why is he here?" Ichiro frowned as his gaze slowly turned back to Gabriel. "And what are _you_ doing here?"

Without waiting for an answer, he slipped from the swimmer's grip and shuffled towards the car.

"We've been looking for you because it's half past two already."

"What? Why? The hell is wrong with you?" he muttered and leaned against the car. Looking up at the night sky, he closed his eyes, frowned, and massaged his temples.

"Stop treating me like a child."

"Are you kidding me? We were worried. We had a huge fight, the whole day was a shit show for all of us, but I didn't want it to stay like that, so I went to your place in the evening because I wanted to talk to you. You weren't home, so I asked Darius if you're with him, but he didn't see you either. No one knew where you were, and you didn't respond to any message or call from any of us."

"I see..."

"Darius is waiting at your place, in case you'd come back and, Daryl is searching the beach at St Kilda Pier."

Gabriel gently shoved him to the side and opened the door. 

"I'm just glad you're okay."

"Okay... yeah... I'm okay." Ichiro rubbed his face and looked into the car.

Marlon smiled at him, patting the passenger seat.

"Get in, Vampy, I'll drive you home."

"Vampy?" Grimacing, Ichiro climbed into the car and fastened the seatbelt.

"Yeah, Vampy 'cause you look like a Victorian-era vampire."

"Frosty, Vampy — You all are nuts."

"Ain't denyin' that but I heard you're callin' my man Mr Darcy now, so it's safe to say, ya ain't any better, sweetie pie. We make great friends, don't ya think?" 

Marlon grinned at him, took a look into the rear-view mirror to check on Gabriel and pulled out to merge into the traffic.

✵✵✵

"I appreciate that you did that for me, Marlon. Thank you."

"No prob, mate. Take care, aight?"

Ichiro nodded, glanced at Gabriel and got out of the car.

He walked over to Darius, who was sitting on the steps at the front porch. Smiling gently, his friend stood up and took a few steps towards him.

"Heeey, Frosty..."

"Hello, Mr Darcy."

Frowning, Darius inclined his head as Ichiro stopped in front of him.

"You look like someone tasered your mind — is everything alright?"

Ichiro smiled a strained smile while tears welled up in his eyes. "...no?"

He slowly leaned forward until his forehead bumped against his friend's chest.

Darius sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I still feel bad about what happened this morning."

He loosely embraced Ichiro and looked over to the car. Marlon and Gabriel were talking with each other while watching them.

"Don't worry, it has nothing to do with it. You're treating me well, Darius, and I really appreciate it."

"A crooked smile on his lips, Darius briefly pressed his cheek against the top of his friend's head. 

"Frosty, I won't force you to tell me why you feel the way you're feeling, but I suggest that you don't stay here all by yourself. You don't look like being alone is what you need right now."

"I know..." 

Ichiro's voice trembled, and Darius felt warm tears soaking his shirt's fabric.

The thud of a car door rung through the air and Ichiro quickly straightened up and wiped his tears away. He smiled at his friend and turned around, as he knew it was Gabriel who approached.

Darius gently squeezed Ichiro's shoulder and whispered a _'see you later'_ before he walked away to join Marlon. 

Immediately, the atmosphere became awkward, and Gabriel averted his gaze before he addressed his lover.

"I, uh, wanted to say goodnight."

Ichiro reached out and slipped his slender fingers into Gabriel's hand.

"I want you to stay." 

His voice was but a hoarse whisper, and when Gabriel looked at him, he was met with half-lidded eyes, rosy cheeks and parted lips.

He swallowed as his stomach made a funny jump and averted his gaze again.

"You sure? I've said some horrible things to you."

The gentle tug on his hand made him lock eyes with Ichiro once more.

"Gabriel... Do you love me?"

"What?" Flustered, the swimmer frowned.

"Easy question. Do you love me, or do you went overboard the night you've said it, and I'm nothing but a fling?"

"A fling?" Gabriel pulled him closer and leaned down, gently pressing his forehead against Ichiro's.

"It's impossible to not fall in love with you, and that scared me at first because you've naturally drawn a feeling out of me that was foreign to me."

"Stop beating around the bush," his voice slightly irritated, Ichiro's nose brushed against the swimmer's lips as he looked up to lock eyes with him "do you love me or not?"

Gabriel's expression melted into a tender smile.

"Yes. I love you, Ichiro St James."

Ichiro studied him for a brief moment, then slowly ran his hand over Gabriel's crotch.

"What are you doing?" Gabriel whispered, tilting his head in confusion.

His lover didn't answer but continued stroking and looked past him to gesture Darius to open a window.

"He stays. Thank you for everything."

Nodding, Darius smiled and kept watching him, his facial expression hard to interpret, until Marlon had turned the car around to drive off.

There was an unfamiliar gleam in Ichiro's eyes as his gaze travelled about Gabriel's features. The swimmer leaned back and arched a brow as the hand at his crotch wandered beneath the waistband. He parted his lips to say something but swallowed his words instead.

"What is it, Gabriel? You don't like it?"

"I'm getting hard in your hand right now, so I obviously like it, don't you think?"

"Then, what's the matter?" Ichiro's voice was hoarse, his gaze challenging.

"Why are you touching me now? And here, of all places?" He looked around to make sure none of the neighbours was nearby.

"Counterquestion: why haven't you touched me since the day at the beach?"

Gabriel inhaled deeply and averted his gaze. Ichiro's question was legitimate — though he wasn't sure how to answer. 

The issues with his mother and Raphael, the suspension, his housing situation; all that gravely weighed on his mind. But did he talk about it? No. Ichiro knew nothing, yet he kept supporting him without making any complaints. All while Gabriel made one selfish decision after another without thinking about how the results would affect Ichiro.

He looked back at his lover and cupped his cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I don't have any excuse for treating you so horribly, but I promise that I won't do it again. 

"I don't know if I can change at a moment's notice, but maybe you can help me by letting me know whenever I drift back to old habits. And talk to me when there's anything else that upsets you, so I can help and support you as well, okay?"

Ichiro didn't answer but stood up on tiptoes to kiss him sensually.

"Let's go inside," he whispered against Gabriel's lips while squeezing his dick firmly.

✵✵✵

Without turning on the light, Ichiro took off his shirt as he headed straight for the liquor cabinet in the living-dining area. There was a half-full bottle of _Glenlivet,_ which he downed like water until nothing was left, causing Gabriel to bite his head off.

"Are you freaking nuts?! That's whiskey!"

"And what about it? Am I not allowed to wash this horrible day away?"

Gabriel couldn't say anything against it and simply watched Ichiro, who started a playlist on his phone and chucked it onto the nearby table.

"You wanted to fuck me here in the kitchen, right?"

Ignoring the swimmer's expression that changed from irritation to confusion, he walked over and started to unbutton his pants. Ichiro slowly pushed him backwards until Gabriel bumped against an armchair. 

"What the hell, Ichi, what's wrong with y—"

"Sit down, close your eyes and enjoy it."

Ichiro kneeled down, whipped out Gabriel's dick and sensually licked the tip before he took it in, all the way down to its base.

"Oh, my— fuuuuck..." Gabriel's voice turned into a feeble whisper as he involuntarily pushed his hips upwards.

Ichiro fixed his gaze on his lover, guided his hands to his head and encouraged him to actively push down.

"Hey, that... Christ ...," the swimmer hissed through his teeth as he inhaled and bit his lip. "That'll make you choke, won't it?"

Without breaking eye contact, Ichiro slowly slid back down to the base and winked at him.

"O-Okay..."

Gabriel hesitantly pushed his lover's head down just to earn an eye-rolling. Ichiro let go of him and cocked his head. 

"Harder and faster. But stop before you're about to cum because I want you to fuck me afterwards. I'll swallow next time."

He immediately started sucking again, leaving Gabriel with mixed feelings despite making him feel good. 

The swimmer carefully did what he was asked for, but started thrusting and pushing more firmly after Ichiro shot him an irritated glance.

It didn't take long for the tingling sensation, that had settled down in his midsection, to slowly spread through his entire body. Gabriel knew he would quickly reach his climax if they kept going, so he let go of Ichiro's head and pulled back.

He still was confused, but unable to say anything, so he helplessly stared at his lover in hopes that he would get an explanation. 

The whole situation felt surreal to him, yet he didn't have much time to think about it as Ichiro pulled him up after wiping his mouth.

"Come." He led him to the kitchen counter, where he fully undressed.

Gabriel swallowed, faintly shaking his head. "You ... really want to do it here?"

"Yes."

"Okay... Then, let me get the lube. I'll be right back."

"No need." 

Ichiro grabbed the counter and glanced over his shoulder, his expression blank. "Just spit on it, that's enough."

Frowning, Gabriel took a step back. "Are you kidding me? You said we'll always need lube or it'll hurt you."

"No, it's okay, don't worry."

"Uh-huh..." Unconvinced, Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck. "Well... Can you turn around? I'd like to see your face, and I want to kiss you."

Ichiro shook his head.

"I want it from the back. Want me to spit on it or will you do it yourself?"

Gabriel pressed his lips together and exhaled audibly.

"I'll do it myself."

He coated his erection in saliva while gently caressing Ichiro's muscular buttocks, but his lover gave a testy reply.

"Could you, please, just put it in?"

He reached back to take hold of Gabriel's cock and guided it between his buns to firmly press it against his sensitive area. 

"Just push. One quick motion."

"Ichi, we didn't stretch it or anything. It'll hurt. A lot. What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? I just want to have sex with the man who said he loves me — is that too much to ask for? Stop worrying; it won't hurt. Just do it, please!"

His distressed expression caused a lump to form in Gabriel's throat. He averted his gaze, gently took hold of his lover's waist and firmly pushed inside.

Immediately, Ichiro's entire body tensed up and started to tremble. Gabriel wanted to slip out, but his lover reached back to grab his arms and shook his head.

"Keep going, and thrust me hard and fast."

Hesitantly, Gabriel started to thrust, and the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach grew stronger with every movement. 

Over and over again, Ichiro held his breath, tensed up, then squirmed as if in immense pain. Feeling highly uncomfortable, Gabriel clenched his jaw. He wanted to stop, but his lover reached for his hand to bring it to his throat.

"Choke me. Firmly," Ichiro demanded in a tearful voice, which caused the swimmer to halt immediately.

"No, absolutely not. That's enough."

Ichiro glanced over his shoulder, his face covered in tears.

"No, keep going."

"No! I don't want to! I don't want to hurt you, goddammit!"

He slipped out and stumbled backwards.

"This makes me sick to my stomach, Ichi! Don't ever make me do that again! You're crying, for fuck's sake and there's fucking blood on my dick! Why do we have to do this? Is it because you're drunk?"

"It's because I want you to paint the same picture, but with love!" Ichiro yelled at him before he slumped down.

"Same picture? What are you talking about?"

"I want you to repaint it, Gabriel! Repaint it!"

"Repaint what?" 

Confused, he crouched down and pulled his crying lover into his arms. "What do you mean?"

"Paint over it. Paint over it, paint over it. Paint over it, please... Please, Gabriel, please, paint over it. Please — Repaint me," he whispered the last words as his trembling intensified.

Drowned in tears, Ichiro curled up into a ball and started sobbing uncontrollably.

While his lover's phone played the gloomy melody of _Sneaker Pimps' Splinter,_ mockingly empathising the disturbing circumstances, Gabriel became nauseous and choked. His throat felt constricted, and his heart as if being crushed. The situation was grotesque, threatened to overwhelm him and made it impossible to hold back his own tears. He was confused, didn't know what Ichiro meant by what he said, but was convinced that something terrible must have happened — something that severely harmed him in several ways.

Carefully cradling his deeply hurt and vulnerable lover in his arms, he pondered who could have driven him to act like this. As he was reliving what just happened a few moments ago, thinking this could have happened in a different situation to Ichiro, his stomach turned anew. Gabriel pulled his delicate boyfriend even closer, trapped him between his legs and stroke his cheek.

Although his thoughts were a chaotic mess, a single one of them was crystal clear.

"I love you, Ichi," he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss on top of Ichiro's head. "I love you so much. And whatever happened to you, I'll make sure it won't happen again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dear readers. :)  
> I hope, you all are well and still enjoy reading Water on Canvas because it's important to me to make you happy with the content I'm producing.  
> Writing the story and drawing the illustrations brings me joy because my OCs are very dear to me. However, it's also hard work and often exhausting, but it makes it all worth it when you're happy about it. I love sharing this novel with you, and I hope that you'll continue reading it till the end — and maybe even come back for book 2.  
> Tl;dr  
> I really appreciate your support, thank you a thousand times!  
> Have a great weekend! <3


	18. Fraction

Drowsy, and grimacing over the piercing headache that throbbed in his entire forehead, Ichiro pressed the heel of his hand against his temple and slowly opened his eyes. His sight was met with the familiar surroundings of his room, and he was enveloped in a tight embrace that barely let him move. Gabriel held him close to his chest, still fast asleep. Looking down, Ichiro noticed that he was clothed in shorts and one of his oversized t-shirts, yet, he couldn't recall that he had dressed. Actually, he didn't even know how he had gotten into his bed.

His gaze darted back up to his lover's handsome face, which was enveloped by the honey-coloured light of the warm morning sun. Gabriel's sharp features were relaxed, his eyes covered by a soft veil of his golden-blonde hair that created a faint shadow on his face. Gently brushing the strands aside, Ichiro caressed the swimmer's cheek with his fingertips, leaned forward and pressed a feather-light kiss to his smooth lips.

"You've brought me up here, hm? And you've dressed me as well, haven't you?" he whispered and tenderly brushed his nose against Gabriel's.

Fresh tears welled up in his still sore eyes as he recalled what he compelled his lover to do last night. The pain it elicited was much more difficult to bear than the physical wounds his stupid and inconsiderate act had caused. 

It must have scarred Gabriel's mind, and Ichiro wasn't sure how to iron out the wrinkles. Fear overcame him, as he was afraid the incident could begin to form an insurmountable distance between them. A wall that would grow thicker and thicker, every time they tried to become intimate. Perhaps Gabriel would grow uncomfortable enough to lose interest because who in their right mind would stay with someone who basically begged to recreate their rape experience? Ichiro choked, as the thought made him sick, and highly increased his self-hatred.

What if Gabriel already had figured it out? It must have been evident after the breakdown. 

Embarrassed, Ichiro clenched his teeth. Maybe, he could tell him as much; probably _had_ to anyway as to not cause more trouble and misunderstandings. However, by no means, he could Gabriel, or anyone else, let know _who_ did it. 

As he visualised the moment where _Niko_ mentioned his family, a thick lump formed in his throat. The shiver that ran down his spine, as one of the blurry causes of the past month's nightmares suddenly became recognisable again, made his entire body tremble.

Ichiro wasn't sure why exactly Dmitrij had mentioned them back then, but to him, it felt like a threat, made him wary and cautious. He didn't want to risk anything to happen to any of his loved ones. And since this potential danger could also threaten Gabriel, Darius and the others by now, he wouldn't risk endangering them by telling them what happened. 

His friends.

Although they didn't know each other for long, Ichiro already felt wholly accepted — something, he never experienced before. 

In Japan, he had a lot of acquaintances, yet he considered none of them but the exchange student a friend. They never cared about his wellbeing, and only ever had spent time with him when it was convenient; when they could take advantage of him.

Here, it was entirely different. Ichiro's new acquaintances were sincerely interested in him, reached out, invited him to spend time together, asked questions to get to know him better. And they even sacrificed their Saturday evening to look for him because they were worried — a circumstance that felt so foreign that it irritated him at first. 

But now, the thought warmed his heart, as it was proof that they really liked him. Realising that, for the first time in his life, he was surrounded by loving parents, and a group of people who genuinely cared about him, Ichiro experienced a peculiar rush of comfort. Unbeknownst to them, they made him feel shielded and secured, which intensely soothed his wounded soul.

Dealing with Dmitrij would have to be solely his responsibility, that was for sure, but maybe he could endure it with the support of his beloved ones, as it made him feel safe. 

He closed his eyes and inhaled the pleasant scent of his lover's skin. Leaning forward once more, Ichiro delicately brushed his lips across Gabriel's, tracing the bottom one with his tongue before he gently sucked it between his teeth. The swimmer stirred in his sleep, frowned and opened his eyes, immediately joining the kiss while he tightened his embrace.

For a little while, they silently indulged in sensual kisses, gentle caresses and loving gazes. The moment felt raw and pure, conveying Ichiro a feeling of acceptance despite his many imperfections.

A gentle wave of warmth washed over his body as he snuggled up close. Brushing his lips slowly across Gabriel's neck, he stopped at his ear and tenderly nudged it with his nose.

"I love you, Mister Montgomery," he whispered, buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck and drifted into a tranquil slumber.

When Gabriel woke up, he lay alone in Ichiro's comfortable bed, the spot on the silk sheet next to him long cold. He looked around, stretched and felt his palm curl around a small paper. It was a short note, and its content made him sigh.

_'I'm out for a while. Need to clear my head. Please, don't worry about me, I'll be back in the afternoon, I promise._

_Love you_

_PS, There's breakfast in the kitchen.'_

"Running away from me, huh?"

Putting the note aside, Gabriel reached for his phone to write a message to the recently added contact.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=chapter18messengerchacek0w.jpg)

✵✵✵

After a shower and delicious Japanese breakfast, he was on his way to Albert Park — and smelled the weed before Marlon even came into view.

Smirking, Darius' lover shook his head as Gabriel sat down next to him.

"Why on earth do ya keep ruinin' my weekend, tiger ... what is it this time, eh?"

"Mate, keep this to yourself, I'm begging you. Don't even say a word to Darius."

"Welp, that sounds serious. Aight, go ahead."

"I think Ichi was raped."

Marlon choked on smoke. "What the fuckin—" 

After he coughed for a while, he turned his bloodshot eyes to Gabriel.

"That's a heavy assumption, mate."

The swimmer sighed, leaned back and crossed his arms.

"You saw for yourself that he acted oddly yesterday, but it turned even weirder when we were home."

"Why?"

"He acted off. I mean, disturbingly off. Wanted sex in a way that was sure to gravely hurt him; injure him."

Marlon frowned. "What exactly do you mean?"

"He wanted me to forcefully enter him without any preparation."

"Wait, is Ichi always the passive one? 'Cause he didn't strike me as such."

"Yeah, well, he actually isn't. We only had sex twice yet — three times if we count yesterday, which I would prefer not to do. 

"Anyway, before we had our first time, he told me that he never was at the receiving end before. However, he then said he'd try it for me, _again_ . I didn't notice it back then, but yesterday...," he took a deep breath "Ichi had a mental breakdown after I refused to continue. Yelled at me that I shall _paint over it, but with love._ That's when it struck me like lightning. And now, I have no idea how to handle the situation."

Gabriel shifted his position to fully face Marlon.

"I mean, I'm not imagining things, right? It _does_ sound like he experienced it before, but not in a consensual way. And what happened yesterday only empathised that it must've been by force, doesn't it?"

"Paint over it with love, huh? Oddball. Poetic in grave moments."

Gabriel clenched his teeth. "Do you think something happened to him yesterday?"

Marlon stroke his chin and let his gaze wander.

"Well, the way ya portraying his behaviour deffo is suspicious, but _if_ somethin' happened, I'd assume it was a while ago already."

Gabriel arched a brow. "What makes you think that?"

"Dontcha think he was a tad too relaxed for someone who just got raped? Dude was takin' pics as we drove by." 

Gnawing on his lip, Marlon narrowed his eyes. 

"Maybe it happened a few days or weeks ago?"

"I don't think so. Since Ichi moved here, he was actually pretty relaxed all the time."

"Then, back in Japan? Like, an ex, fellow student, or a colleague at the ballet? _You_ tellin' me, mate. I ain't know shit about his previous life."

Puzzled, Gabriel knit his brows. "Ballet?"

"What — ya dunno?"

"... No?"

Marlon grimaced. "Huh. Well, he told Darius about it. Your man was a ballet dancer but quit before he moved here."

Gabriel bit his lip. "Huh... He didn't tell me."

"Welp — did ya ask how he spent his life?"

The swimmer shook his head. "No."

"There ya have it. Ya _did_ notice that he hardly ever talks about himself unless ya ask questions, right? If ya ain't showin' interest, he ain't talkin'. That easy." 

Sighing, Gabriel ruffled his hair. "Shit; I'm a horrible boyfriend."

"Nah, not horrible but self-centred, and ya better give up on that 'cause ya ain't fightin' only for yourself anymore, tiger."

"Yeah... You're right, I guess." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "But if it happened in Japan, why did he act that oddly when I approached him yesterday? The turn barely took us five minutes. What could've happened in that small timeframe to cause a sudden but massive change in behaviour?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Marlon lighted another spliff.

"Maybe somethin' triggered his memories, or that pale gentleman upset him. Who was that anyway? Handsome, sophisticated, elegant ... but also kinda sinister — totally gave off _Bram Stoker's Dracula_ vibes. Probably drinks blood outta wine glasses at home. Like _Gary Oldman_ , I mean. Did ya see that movie?"

"What the..." Gabriel watched Marlon with a grimace of pure confusion on his chiselled features. "You're weird as hell, you know that? Is it the weed or do you have a vampire kink or something?"

"Just a wild imagination. Personally, I'm more into firefighters, ya know?" Marlon winked. "But seriously; he's attractive in a pretty bizarre Gary Oldman-Darcula way — his aesthetic actually fits well with Vampy's. So, do ya know him?"

"Yeah, that was Dmitrij Kasakow. He's the personal trainer, yoga teacher, whatever, of Ichi's stepmom."

"That guy? Are ya fuckin' with me? With a supervillain name and that look? No way, he's but a yogi."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "I'm telling you, he is. I run into him frequently. Dima started working with Claire roughly a year ago."

"And I'm tellin' ya something's fishy. The wristwatch Dracula wore; saw it?"

"He wore a watch?"

Marlon laughed. "Aye, and I recognised the brand immediately 'cause it's my favourite. Unique as fuck. I'm into watches, especially those I can't afford, ya know? And I don't mean the mainstream _Rolex_ stuff. What he wore was the _Petit Heure Minute_ _Relief Dragon_ from _Jaquet Droz._ They cost about fifty thousand US dollars, and you're tellin' me, he's nothin' but a mere personal trainer?"

"Maybe, he inherited it." 

"Inherited my ass. Dracula wore designer brands from head to toe. Dude's playin' y'all — keep an eye on him."

Gabriel exhaled audibly. "Funny, that's what I intend to do after yesterday, and Rayne said the same as well."

"Smart princess."

"Actually, she said it because Ichi apparently mentioned that he dislikes Dmitrij. I don't know the reason, though. 

"It looked like he touched him yesterday, didn't it? Made me furious. Dima said he'd helped to remove something from Ichi's eye, but ...

"Anyway, we're getting off the subject — what am I to do with Ichi? Ask him about it?"

Clicking his tongue, Marlon shook his head. "Mate... Absolutely not. If that really happened to him, it's not on you to decide when he oughta talk about it, ya know? One of the most sensitive topics, hard to cope with. It makes him vulnerable, and your man strikes me as someone who loathes being seen as weak and vulnerable."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Gabriel grumbled and crossed his arms.

"Be there for him. Let him know that you'll listen if he wanna talk. And then, ya better start taking care of him, mate. Shower him with love and affection, show interest, go on dates. Spend ya time with him instead of wastin' it on hours of pointless training."

"My training isn't pointless, Marlon."

"Oh? Since you're suspended, ya did nothing but goin' to a public swimmin' pool and train all by yourself, right? Ya think that's as effective as your coached team training? My ass. More than two or three hours a day are ineffective anyway, and ya know that. But you've gotten obsessed and spent all day in the water 'cause of bein' afraid to fuck up that bloody tournament."

Gabriel clenched his teeth and glared at him. "The tournament is important to me."

"So should Ichi." 

✵✵✵

Annoyed, Ichiro inhaled slowly and removed his headphones as Mr Keller, their next-door neighbour started talking despite seeing that he couldn't hear him. The middle-aged man was cutting his hedge and waved him over.

His son Marcus was with him, glaring at Ichiro as usual. 

Marcus was eighteen and a former classmate of Rayne. Almost the same height and built as Ichiro, brown locks, pretty features — but his attitude sucked. 

Rayne said he was a closeted gay and had a crush on Gabriel, which is why he acted hostile towards Ichiro from the start. David, his father, was a close friend of Richard — friendly, but nosy. 

"David, hello. Could you, perhaps, repeat what you just said? I couldn't quite catch it."

David laughed in response. "You young folks; always listening to music, eh? I was asking if you're enjoying having the run of the house."

Ichiro placed his grocery bag on the ground and smiled.

"Well, my boyfriend is still with me, and Rayne will be back in the evening, so I can hardly call it like that." 

David laughed again, then scratched his chin.

"The Montgomery boy being gay still is astonishing. Thought, he'd marry your sister one day. But I guess you'll never know until they say otherwise, eh?"

"That certainly is true, sir." He narrowed his eyes and looked over to Marcus, who clenched his teeth in response.

"Hey, chap, isn't that your mother's yoga teacher?"

"Hm?" Ichiro knit his brows as his gaze darted back to David, who gestured with his chin towards the street.

Glancing over his shoulder, the Japanese saw a dark-blue Bentley turn into their driveway, and the driver unmistakably was Dmitrij.

Ichiro's stomach turned almost instantly as he got dizzy. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply and turned back to his neighbour. It was necessary to act as natural and relaxed as possible, as the nosy man was the last one he wanted to become suspicious.

"Yes, it's Dima. Well, I'll get going then, David. Have a nice Sunday."

Mr Keller didn't react, as he was already curiously studying what Dmitrij was carrying.

Ichiro's heart hammered in his chest as he quickly strode over to prevent the yogi from joining their conversation. He glared at him. "What are you doing here? You know that Claire is in Sydney," he whispered in a trembling voice while briefly glancing over to his neighbour. Dmitrij's gaze followed him, his eyes filled with contempt as he smiled at the man while nodding subtly.

"Ah, David; I do not like him. However," his eyes darted back to Ichiro "I am here because I wanted to deliver this." 

He lifted the covered basket he was carrying. 

"I will be gone within fifteen minutes — you do not have to fear anything, Mr St. James. We already crossed paths quite often since you have moved here, and if I had planned to harm you, I would have already done it."

Smiling, he gestured Ichiro to enter the house. 

The Japanese still glared at him as he clenched his teeth and started walking. He turned around to Mr Keller once more, waved a quick Goodbye and opened the door.

Dmitrij immediately headed for the kitchen and started unpacking the basket. Ichiro was wary and unwilling to join him. He left the front door ajar, crossed the hallway and stopped near the kitchen's archway, from where he could observe Dmitrij.

The Russian unpacked fruits, a container with food and a small flask.

He locked eyes with Ichiro, his expression friendly as he addressed him in Japanese.

"I was worried about your wellbeing, Mr St. James. Remembering my face must have been quite the shock, yesterday." He pointed at the items in front of him.

"Fresh fruits, in Miso cooked Okayu, and Eleuthero tincture — the latter has quite many positive effects on our bodies. You can google it if you do not trust me."

He ignored Ichiro's derisive snort, turned around to open the large wall cupboard and took a soup bowl from it.

"The Okayu still should be warm, so," he started to fill the rice porridge into the bowl, then shove it in front of a seat "please, have a seat and eat, Mr St. James."

Ichiro didn't bother that tears started to stream down his face as he dashed through the room to attack Dmitrij. "Are you fucking serious, you bastard? Are you mocking me — am I a joke to you, you son of a cunt?" 

He swung his fist at him, but Dmitrij dodged the blow, grabbed Ichiro's wrists and pushed him back until he could pin him against the wall. While he still acted calm and collected, Ichiro's face was contorted in rage and pain as he futilely pushed against Dmitrij.

"Let go of me, you freak! Do you think I'd smile and sit down to have lunch with my rapist, you sick fuck?! I hate you!" He spat in his face, his breath laboured, too exhausted to continue to fight back.

Dmitrij watched him calmly with an unusual soft expression on his sharp features, and neither seemed his gaze to be threatening nor mocking. He took one hand from Ichiro's wrists, produced a handkerchief from his pocket and shook it out, which made Ichiro flinch in response.

"I said, I will not harm you, Mr St. James." 

Instead of removing the saliva from his face, Dmitrij reached for Ichiro's, carefully wiped the tears away and brushed the wetted strands of hair aside. 

He then let go of him, cleaned his cheek as he walked to the counter, and took a bite of the porridge. "I do not try to poison you," he reached for the small flask and dripped the tincture onto his tongue "and I also do not intend to drug you. These are merely remedies to help you feel better."

Dmitrij walked back over to Ichiro, who still was frozen to the spot.

"I will be candid with you. As I heard you will move to Australia, I wanted to toy with you, Mr St. James."

"You're a demon," he whispered while blinking away fresh tears.

"You were here, with my family, the whole time. You actively searched for me, right? That's why you knew their names and about my architecture study because I never told Taku about it. You sick bastard planned all this, just to—" Gritting his teeth, Ichiro started trembling again, causing Dmitrij to take a step backwards.

The Russian narrowed his eyes and pushed the tip of his tongue between his lips as he was thinking.

"Demon... Well, I _did_ tell you that I am not a good man.

"You were a stranger, Mr St. James, whom I wanted, indeed, but not cared about. Beautiful and intriguing, but trivial and insignificant. 

"Yet, the glimpse of your nature, you granted me to see back in Japan, impressed and fascinated me. 

"However, it was irrelevant since I did not assume we would ever meet here, and see each other regularly. Because the demon, who already had swallowed you whole at the time, Mr St. James, was your mother, and I did not expect you to be strong enough to break free."

The Russian slowly approached him anew.

"Anyhow, getting to know you has—" He paused and slightly inclined his head. "Yesterday, after I finally succeeded in triggering your memory of me—" Dmitrij pressed his lips together and averted his gaze. 

He frowned, lost in thought for a brief moment before he locked eyes with Ichiro again, gazing intensely at him.

"You are an extraordinary young man, Mr St. James, and I admire your fortitude, that has always been true."

Ichiro laughed bitterly. "And what am I supposed to do with your heartfelt confession? Shall I be happy about it? Do you want absolution?" Grimacing, he swallowed, but Dmitrij's expression remained soft.

"Please, take the eleuthero; it will help you. The recipe is from my mother, but I brew it myself — I can bring more next time. You will have to take about twenty drops, three times a day. It is a good stress reliever and helps with insomnia and overall fatigue as well." 

Ichiro didn't respond, but his eyes shifted to the small bottle in Dmitrij's hand, who then lifted his index finger to gently tip up his chin.

"Open up."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dimaichiao39mkt7.jpg)

Frightened, Ichiro's gaze darted back towards him.

"I'm scared of you," he whispered feebly, but opened his mouth nonetheless and stuck out his tongue. 

"I know."

Dmitrij's response hung in the air like the sword of Damocles as he dripped the tincture onto Ichiro's tongue.

Locking eyes with him once more, Dmitrij studied his face for a short while before he turned around to place the remedy on the kitchen counter. And after quickly checking the temperature of the porridge bowl, he walked over to the entrance. 

"It is still warm. Good day, Mr St. James."

This time, Ichiro couldn't hear the faint clicking noise since Dmitrij decided to leave the door wide open.


	19. Sensuality - Part One

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=messengerch20rpjpe.jpg)

✵✵✵

_Dec. 21st, 2019_

_Finally Saturday! Beach Party Day. <3 _

_I'm in a super good mood, which is weird after what happened the past week, and it's probably only my BPD acting up, but as long as it's a high mood swing, I welcome it. Ugh, that reminds me that I finally have to find a doc. My meds are almost used up. I hate it. WHATEVER!_

_I won't let anything or anyone ruin today's mood._

_Ah... did I mention that the fucker's tincture really helps? I feel a lot better overall and sleep way better than before. I despise him for what he did to me, but if that asshole's guilty conscience benefits me in any form, I'll definitely take advantage of it. If I can't run away from him, I'll make the best of it. He's still hot for me, and I'll use that against him._

_Now, that the memory is fully back, I remember how he looked back then, and that son of a bitch is even hotter now with his short hair. Kinda fucked up to think this way, but I can't help it. I mean, I crushed on him the moment I noticed him at the bar; I always remembered that. However, the face was gone after I woke up at the hospital, and it was driving me insane._

_Now that I remember it, it's driving me insane for different reasons. Fucking_ **_Niko_ ** _— had to ruin everything. But he didn't manage to take away my pride._

_Although my therapist said my 'easy-going' way of dealing with the rape isn't uncommon, I still wonder if I'll get some kind of a mental backlash someday. I mean, the thing with Gabriel was fucked up, really. But remembering Dmitrij himself was the worst trigger that could've happened, and I was drunk, so... maybe, I wouldn't have done it otherwise. And the next day, it already was like a hazy memory without a deeper meaning._

_Man... Is it because I'm weird? Am I already too numb to react "normally" to traumatising stuff? Is it mother's fault or Dmitrij's?_

_Dima... Hm... I'm not scared of him anymore. His way of caring for me last Sunday erased the frightening aura he had. Now, he's just that asshole that chose to have non-consensual sex with me. I know, there's still the threat of killing my family, but why do I think he wouldn't do it? I won't provoke him, but I also won't flinch anymore. Two can play his game, so let's see who toys with whom in the end._

_I still haven't told Gabriel what happened. I mean, we talked a lot about my previous sex life, and I was brutally honest about it for the first time in my life, which he took surprisingly well. And I mentioned that_ **_something_ ** _happened in Japan. I know that he knows what I meant, but I didn't go into details, and he didn't ask further questions._

 _I will tell him everything, though. The trigger just ... hah ... A lot happened last week, and I needed a bit to calm down. I mean, I_ **_am_ ** _calm now, but I missed the right moment for a conversation. Maybe after Christmas._

_It's summer here... I'll never get used to hot Christmas. NEVER. I want freezing cold temperatures, shawls, mittens, hats, cosiness, hot beverages, SNOW. God, I wanna build snowpeople and have snowball fights with everyone..._

_Next year, I'll see to it to travel somewhere cold and spend a snowy Christmas with Gabriel. Maybe we can find a place where we all can go. A big trip with Gabriel, Rayne and our friends would be lovely. Although it's probably hard to save that much money, except for the rich kids around me, of course, and I bet they'd pay for everyone, but I don't want their money._

_I saved up a lot with my model jobs. It's not_ **_that_ ** _much but enough to pay for myself and to help Daryl out if needed — and I'm sure Marlon would do the same for Darius. Sounds like a solid plan if I may say so myself. I should ask them later._

_Christmas shopping was a lovely experience for a change, though, since I finally have people around me who deserve thoughtful presents that come from the heart. It was fun to pick something for Rayne, dad, Claire and Nina, and I also found something for Daryl and Marlon, but take a guess who's giving me a hard time? I want to punch something, seriously. I thought, Gabriel and I have tons of interests in common, but... turns out, it's not at all like that. And the few things he likes are... Well, while he simply is happy about their mere existence, I'd be thrilled to possess anything related to my interests, and that sums it up._

_In conclusion: I, once again, was reminded of knowing only little about him. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. And I only have Monday left for shopping, yay._

_On the other side, getting something for Darius was the most natural thing to do because he's like me, so my head was instantly flooded with tons of ideas. He'll get two presents, and I actually had to stop myself from buying everything else as well._

_The things I chose in the end, after narrowing down for what felt like an eternity, are pretty neat, and I'd be quite happy if someone would gift them to me._

_I got him new plugs for his tunnels and painted them with tiny_ **_Ghibli_ ** _Kodama. He'll get them today already because I'm impatient as fuck. For Christmas, I found a limited special edition of_ **_Pride & Prejudice _ ** _; book and movie. The covers look super amazing and are of high quality. Mr Darcy will_ get a **_Movie Night with Frosty_ ** (including loads of chocolate) _voucher_ as well. I've drawn the scene from **_Spirited Away_ ** where **_No Face_ ** is surrounded by food as cover — can't wait to see Darius' reaction, haha.

Oh, tamanegi needs me... Welp, I'll fill you with today's events when I'm back!

✵✵✵

Ichiro closed his journal and glanced over his shoulder, fixing his gaze at the door.

"Yeah, come in!"

"Help meeee!" Rayne pleaded as she quickly entered. She turned around several times, presenting her new berry-coloured bikini, obviously displeased, as her brows were knit.

Ichiro's expression softened as he realised how carefree she was acting around him lately. He finally had a little sister, and they became close enough to have the kind of relationship he always longed for. There was no awkwardness, no hidden aversion, no prejudice left. 

Rayne even made him cry when he picked her up after her field trip by telling him she missed him. His heart skipped a beat just thinking about it. Being someone's older brother was a phenomenal feeling.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he gave his sister the once-over before locking eyes with her. 

"I'm impressed, you're in excellent shape, little one, but yeah, the bikini is a bit bland."

"I know! I shouldn't have ordered it online, dammit." Rayne grimaced. "Anyway, that's why I need your help. Pleeeeease, make me look fabulous! I want to turn Daryl's head the second he lays eyes on me."

Ichiro snickered and got up from his chair. "You're cruel, tamanegi. He already drools whenever he sees you, but alright, let's go all out. I know that mum—" Bewildered, he shook his head and looked apologetically at his stepsister. "I'm sorry. Claire — I meant to say Claire."

"You dumbass..." Rayne sighed and pulled him into a hug. "I only say this once, so... It's not that bad to have a big brother, you know? I'm actually pretty happy about it, and I don't mind if you call her mum as well. After all the stuff, you've told me about your family home, it's only a natural development, I think because _my_ mother always cared about you and treated you with love as if you were her own."

Ichiro gently squeezed his sister's delicate frame. "She did, and I'll be forever grateful for it." He placed a kiss onto Rayne's forehead. "Thank you. I love you too."

"Ewww, why do you always have to make me cringe at all this sentimental stuff?"

Blushing, she grimaced and lightly pushed against his chest. "What were you about to say before?"

Grinning, Ichiro opened the door and gestured outside. " _Mum_ has a hat in the same colour as your bikini. Let's borrow it and look for some nice accessories." 

✵✵✵

Combined with Claire's hat, golden earrings, ankle bracelet and a golden chiffon shawl tied around her hips, Rayne's beach outfit looked as fabulous as she wanted it to be and conjured a bright smile on her face. Pleased, she embraced her brother once more and nagged Gabriel for not having any sense of fashion after he replied with _'Okay, I guess'_ when she asked him how she looked. She was right, though.

While Rayne quickly went back to her room to get changed, Ichiro grabbed some of their luggage and helped Gabriel to load the car.

"What if it starts raining — is Marlon's house big enough for all of us?"

Smiling, Gabriel leaned down and kissed his lover. "You worry too much. If anything out of the ordinary happens, he said we even could sleep downstairs in the shop, since it's closed on Sundays. Rayne will definitely get the bedroom, though, if—" 

"You mean, Rayne and Daryl." Ichiro smirked and threw their bedrolls into the trunk. "I highly doubt that she'll let that opportunity slip. And neither will he."

Gabriel grimaced and closed his eyes. "Argh... Still hard to stomach."

"What, to imagine your childhood crush being sexually active?" Ichiro teased, nudging Gabriel with his elbow. "People have sex, Gabriel. You better get used to it."

"Smartass." He pulled Ichiro close and kissed him once more. "I know her since she was little, and that's why it feels kinda weird."

"What feels weird?" Rayne asked as she approached them. "Chop-chop, mates! Let's gooooo!"

She blew them a kiss, grinned and hopped into the car's backseat. "Quick, it's almost noon, guys!"

Shaking his head, Gabriel huffed in amusement. "Always so bubbly... Anyway," he turned back to his lover "do you have everything? Sunscreen? Your phone? What about the presents for Darius and Marlon?"

"Mhm, I'm ready to leave, Mister Montgomery."

✵✵✵

About two hours later, the GPS stopped them at a small, and cosy-looking, wooden house in Torquay, only about a hundred meters far from the ocean. They parked next to Darius' car, and Rayne immediately went looking for the others. 

While he and Gabriel started to unload the boot, Ichiro examined Marlon's home, which was also his working place, as he owned a shop for surfing equipment. 

The shop area downstairs had big, decorated windows and its patio in front was covered in stands and small shelves with postcards, sunglasses, wristbands, board wax and other things. Since the entrance was open as well, Ichiro arched a brow and turned to Gabriel.

"Is Marlon still working?"

"I think his employee is in charge today."

"An employee even. Not bad. How old was he?"

"Uh... Twenty-seven?" 

Ichiro frowned. "I wonder why Mrs Nowak thinks he's a lazy freeloader when he managed to be self-employed and to have his own house at this young age."

Gabriel shrugged his shoulders. "No idea. You'll have to ask him or Darius, I guess — speak of the devil." The swimmer waved as his gaze darted past his lover.

As he followed his line of sight and turned around, Ichiro's eyes wandered from Marlon to Darius and immediately widened.

"What the hell, Mr Darcy."

Darius scowled as he approached his friends. "Mate, I haven't even said hello; what the fuck did I do this time, huh?"

While Marlon and Gabriel briefly hugged each other, Ichiro stepped close to Darius and watched him through narrowed eyes.

"That's so weird — you look hot today."

Arching a brow, his friend grimaced. "Only today? Are you complimenting or insulting me, you brat?"

"I think it's the hair." The Japanese circled his friend, lightly touched the black strands and stopped right in front of him again. 

Darius wore a slick ponytail and his undercut was freshly trimmed short. Without any hair blocking the view, Ichiro noticed for the first time that his friend's facial features were a lot more chiselled and masculine than it seemed before — the new hairstyle empathised his handsome appearance. 

Darius' grey eyes shone brightly in the sunlight and had a mischievous glint to them as they followed Ichiro's gaze.

"Looks good, Mr Darcy, seriously. And you have a new piercing as well; I like it." He glanced down to his friend's full lips, where the bottom one now was adorned by a silver labret.

"Frosty, wow, you noticed. Almost eerie. Wanna kiss me to check it out?" Darius wriggled his eyebrows and puckered his lips, earning nothing but a blank stare. "That was a joke, mate, don't look at me like that, Jesus."

Inclining his head without averting his gaze, Ichiro reached down to lift up a box.

"What a pity; I was just considering it."

"... what?" Darius was perplexed, quickly grabbed the two bags Gabriel was holding and went after Ichiro, who started walking towards the shop. "Wait! Seriously?"

"No."

"I hate you, Frosty."

While Ichiro's laughter filled the air, Gabriel frowned in confusion and locked eyes with a smirking Marlon.

"What kind of exchange was that?"

"A wonderful one."

"Uh-huh..." Gabriel reached for more luggage before he locked eyes with his friend again. "Shouldn't I be concerned?"

Sighing, Marlon inclined his head. "What is it, are ya actually jealous, or do ya think ya _should_ be jealous?" He smirked at Gabriel and briefly raked a hand through the tall man's hair. "Haaah, tiger... Ya really have to learn how to loosen up. Everything is fine. Let's stick together today, talk and observe, mh?"

Brows still knit, Gabriel's gaze followed Ichiro until he entered the shop.

"Alright... Here," he handed Marlon the bedrolls "help me carrying."

✵✵✵

Marlon and Lizzy, his employee, closed the shop about half an hour later and the friends started setting up what they had planned for the day. 

While Ichiro, Daryl and Rayne were upstairs in the kitchen to prepare the food, Gabriel, Darius and Marlon got the garden ready for their barbeque.

Somehow, Marlon's _'Observe'_ stuck with the swimmer, and he discretely watched him and Darius interacting. 

Gabriel hasn't had spent time with them like this before, which is why he didn't notice how natural and loving Marlon and Darius were with each other. All those small gestures, the harmony, the glances they exchanged as if understanding each other without saying a word. 

Smirking, winking, brief kisses, fingertips lightly brushing against the other one's body while passing by — they were close and loved each other, that was an obvious fact. 

Yet, whenever Ichi appeared downstairs, Darius' attention wholly shifted to him in the blink of an eye. And Marlon kept smiling; looked pleased, even. As if he was happy about it. 

He suddenly locked eyes with Gabriel, a soft and soothing expression on his handsome features as he winked at him. The swimmer felt caught, cleared his throat and started placing the first pieces of meat on the grill.

Maybe later, after getting braver with the help of some alcohol, he would ask Marlon some of the confusing questions that swirled through his mind.#

✵✵✵

As their stomachs were full, and the sun was already about to set, Marlon decided to shift their get-together to the beach. 

Darius prepared a big box with alcohol, marshmallows and blankets and Rayne just had changed into her bikini, much to Daryl's delight, as Ichiro suddenly yelled out and ran back into the house.

Confused looks followed him, but Gabriel chuckled, as he knew his lover only now remembered about the presents he brought.

Seconds later, he stood back in front of his friends, a bright smile on his face.

"Since we won't see each other on Christmas, Marlon, I brought your present with me today."

He handed Darius' baffled lover a square package, beautifully wrapped in gold and silver fancy paper with bows and gift ribbons.

"Please, open it right away. I'll die if I don't see your reaction immediately."

"Oddball." Marlon laughed, sat back down and carefully removed the paper, revealing a polished wooden box of dark-brown colour.

"No way... Ya have to be bananas, mate." Without even opening it, he put it aside, stood up and grabbed Ichiro's cheeks. "You're the best, thank you." He placed a rough kiss to his lips and pulled him into a squeezing hug.

"You're welcome, my friend." Ichiro grinned and squeezed him back in return. "Thank you for being such a good friend and help. I really appreciate what you did for us," he whispered before gesturing to the present. "Open the lid."

"Man, that must be quite the fancy case, huh?" Rayne mumbled while glancing at it.

"Yeah... I wonder what's inside..." Daryl muttered and leaned down to examine it, but Marlon quickly reached for it. "Hands off, gremlin, that's mine."

"Open it, I'm curious." Darius placed his chin on Marlon's shoulder to see what's inside, and his eyes widened instantly as his lover lifted the lid.

"A cannabis humidor?"

"Ya even got me bud, Vampy. Sheesh, I think I luv ya."

"Wait, what?" Gabriel shot a confused look at Ichiro. "Even weed? Where the hell did you—"

"Shhhh," Ichiro pressed his index finger to Gabriel's lips. "Let's not dwell about the unimportant details."

He grinned, and Gabriel lightly bit into his finger. "You sly dog..."

"Yeah, Frosty, you sly dog. Providing my man with drugs. I'm shocked." 

"No, you're not," Ichiro countered.

"Nah, I'm not."

"But I am!" Rayne folded her arms above her chest. "I don't care that he's smoking spliffs," she gestured with her chin towards Marlon "but getting that stuff from a dealer could've been dangerous, nii-san! You don't know anybody besides us, and Melbourne isn't Tokyo, you know?! Don't you dare to do that again, or I'll kick you in the nuts!" 

Rayne glared at him, and although he just got scolded from his little sister, Ichiro's heart was full, as she seemed to care enough about his wellbeing to be this upset.

He locked eyes with her before he bowed low. "I'm sorry. It was a one-off, and won't happen again, I promise."

"You better!" She blinked tears away as she stomped towards the fence gate. "I'll wait at the beach!"

Darius slowly walked over to Ichiro, crossed his arms and leaned down to whisper at him. "Princess is a textbook tsundere, isn't she?"

Grinning, he nodded. "Absolutely."

His friend looked up again to address his brother. "Gremlin, hurry and go with her."

"Moron, you don't have to tell me. 'Course I'll go with her, she's the reason why I'm here."

"Yeah, thanks, we love you too, asshole. Get lost."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=darylao3ugjyx.jpg)

Daryl laughed, blew his brother a kiss and quickly followed the girl that furiously marched down the dunes.

"Man, I'd love to admire this beautiful, beautiful thing a bit longer but we prolly should go, eh?" Marlon sighed and carefully closed the humidor's lid. "I'll quickly bring it upstairs. Gabe, take the crate, 'kay? It's heavy, and you're the strongest, tiger."

"Sure thing." Secretly smirking, Gabriel lifted the heavy container with ease and walked over to the patio. 

Darius was about to follow, but Ichiro tugged on his shirt and made him stop in his tracks.

"Hm?"

"Could you wait a moment? I have something for you as well."

Darius frowned. "I thought we'll see each other at Christmas? I've left your present at home, you know?"

"Oh, don't worry, we _will_ see each other — you'll get your second Christmas present on the twenty-fifth."

"Second one? Frosty, what are you up to?" Darius arched a brow and crossed his arms.

Smiling, Ichiro produced a small, dark red velvet sachet from his pocket and handed it over to his friend, who eyed it sceptically.

"Is it safe to open?"

"What? Of course, idiot."

"Hm..." he slowly loosened the ribbons and reached inside to get out the contents. "Are you kidding me..." Darius carefully lifted one of the tunnel plugs and examined it from all angles. "They're so freaking awesome, I'm getting hysterical, mate. Where the fuck did you get them?"

"They're just basic ones — I hand-painted them." Ichiro smiled shyly. 

"No way..." Darius stared at him in disbelief. " _You_ did that?"

"Yes."

"For me?"

"Why, yes." Ichiro blushed and averted his gaze. "Yours look bland, and since you also love Ghibli movies, I thought you might like—"

Darius reached for his friend's chin to gently turn his head and make him look at him again. He smiled tenderly. "I love them, Frosty. That's ... I've never received something self-made before, thank you. You really made me happy with it."

"Alright, cool, I'm glad..." He averted his gaze again, and even his ears started to turn pink by now.

Darius couldn't help but grin, as it was adorable to see his friend so flustered. 

"Would you put them in for me? I wanna wear them, but I'll probably insert them upside down or something."

"Ah, yes, sure." Ichiro grabbed the plugs, and Darius placed his hands on his thighs to lean down until they were on eye-level.

"By the way, how did you know the size?"

"Gabriel asked Marlon for me."

"Smart move."

Ichiro grinned and carefully started changing the tunnels. While he was focused on it, Darius' gaze wandered about his friend's beautiful features. He looked like a porcelain doll with his pale skin, the thick, black lashes and his rosy cheeks. His lips were slightly parted, and the tiny tips of his split tongue briefly poked out as he had trouble to insert one of the plugs — Darius couldn't help but smile at the charming sight.

"So... Marlon, that thoughtless fucktard ... He gave you a kiss to thank you."

"Mhm."

"Did he make you uncomfortable? Shall I punch him for you?"

Ichiro shook his head. "No, it's alright, don't worry; I'm pretty touchy-feely myself, so I don't mind."

Darius hummed in response.

"Okay, good. That's reassuring. Say... How do you want _me_ to thank you?"

Handing him the old plugs, Ichiro locked eyes with him again.

"Well... That's up to you, I guess." 

"Yeah..."

They were close enough to feel the other one's breath on their faces and kept looking at each other for a short while. 

The air's tension was almost palpable, and when Darius wetted his lips, Ichiro swallowed and started blinking rapidly, causing his friend's corner of the mouth to curve up into a slight smirk. He slowly reached up, gently tousled Ichiro's hair and placed a kiss onto his head.

"Thank you for this wonderful present; I'll treasure it. I really appreciate you, Frosty."

✵✵✵

"Wanna go, tiger?"

Brows still knit, Gabriel averted his gaze from the scene in Marlon's yard and took a deep breath. "Let's wait for them. They seem to be done with whatever that was."

"Don't worry, I'll tell ya what that was. Let's just get comfy down there before." Marlon gestured to the beach and started walking. "They're coming, let's go."

Patting Gabriel's shoulder while passing by, Darius caught up to Marlon, whereas his lover stopped right next to him. 

Ichiro kissed his biceps and looked at him. "Did you hold that thing the whole time?" He looked at the crate and back at Gabriel. "Your muscles are super pumped."

"I did."

"You shouldn't have, but ... Ah, I love the sight, I can't help it. Your muscles are something else, Mister Montgomery. Quick, kiss me."

Gabriel sighed as his heart involuntarily skipped a beat. His expression melted into a tender smile as he leaned down to fulfil his lover's demand. "What is it with you, hm?" He looked deep into Ichiro's eyes, searching for something he couldn't even name.

"Mh? What do you mean?"

"Ah, nothing." He started walking, frowned and looked at Ichiro again. "No, wait. I said I wouldn't bottle up anymore, so... Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything."

"Promise to answer truthfully?"

Ichiro knit his brows. "Of course. But don't blame me when it's something you don't want to hear."

"I won't."

"Alright, then... Go ahead."

Slowly sauntering through the powdery sand, Gabriel pondered how to word his thoughts.

"You told me about your, uh, promiscuous sex life back in Tokyo..."

"Yes. Something that bothers you?"

"No, it's not that. That was before me, and, well... Your experience and that you were pretty open from the start — I assumed as much anyway. What I'd like to know... Does that mean you think similar about everything as Marlon and Darius?"

"Hm?" Ichiro tilted his head, a puzzled smile on his lips. "What exactly do you mean, Mister Montgomery?"

"Well... They're both polyamorous, have an open relationship..."

"Oh, that," Ichiro nodded "yes, pretty much. But you seem to prefer the traditional way, and I love you, so...," he shrugged his shoulders "People adapt and compromise."

Gabriel stopped in his tracks, exhaled audibly and put down the crate.

"Can we sit down for a second?"

"Sure."

The swimmer flopped down, pulled his lover into his lap and kissed him tenderly.

This was the umpteenth time that Ichiro sacrificed his usual lifestyle without complaining and went against his nature to please him. And this time because Gabriel involuntarily drove him into a monogamous relationship, as he didn't even waste a thought on possible different options. 

Once more, he felt ignorant, selfish and guilty, but also irritated because Ichiro chose not to address it beforehand. 

Romantic relationships were as new to him as being gay, and the existence of open relationships and polyamory were pretty much unknown to him. Until Darius accidentally let slip to have a date with someone else but Marlon — after that, he told Gabriel what he had kept a secret for so long. Raved on about how _their way_ had enriched the relationship and deepened their bond and love for each other.

And after seeing them before at the barbeque? He believed it, as their interactions felt all lovey-dovey although they were together for about five years already.

Gabriel wanted that for himself, but now, he wasn't sure if that was even possible without going out of his way. Could Ichiro be happy in a strictly monogamous relationship? Could _he_ deal with it if Ichiro had sex with someone else or had an additional partner every now and then?

He pulled his lover close and squeezed him.

"Why haven't you said anything beforehand? Before we became a couple?"

"Because everything happened so fast, and suddenly we were kissing and head over heels for each other, and I wanted you, Gabriel. I wanted to be with you so badly, and I was scared you'd run away from me if you knew."

"That was foolish and selfish because now we're stuck in a relationship that might hurt one of us in the end, or do you want to tell me you can live forever monogamous from now on?"

"I—don't know."

"You can't."

Ichiro looked up and fixed his gaze on him. "What makes you say that?"

"Tell me, under your usual circumstances, would Marlon be someone you'd make out with? Sex? Relationship?"

Knitting his brows, his lover shook his head. "No." 

"What about Daryl, if he were interested in guys?"

"He's hot, so ... probably making out or a one-night-stand, but that's it. His personality isn't what I'm looking for in a partner. Aside from that, he doesn't tempt me enough, so I wouldn't have any problems to pass on it."

"But Darius is the full package, isn't he?"

Ichiro averted his gaze. "He's my friend," he stated meekly and started kneading his fingers. 

"Yeah..." Gabriel's jaw tensed as he took a deep breath. "When became you two so close?"

"Right from the start, actually. I teased Darius so much because I instantly felt comfortable around him, as he's a weirdo like me — I simply can hide it better. 

"And after you've ... when you basically started to ignore me, he began to call me and sent messages. We talked every day about random stuff because he wanted to cheer me up, and he said you knew about it because he asked for your approval before."

"Yeah, he did; Darius is a good guy, and I like and trust him. However, I can't keep wondering why there's a sudden sexual tension between you two."

Ichiro's head jerked up, and he locked his gaze back at him.

"I haven't done anything, and he's not interested in me that way. Last weekend was a stupid accident, believe me. I love you, Gabriel. It's not my intention to hurt you." 

While standing up, Gabriel's strong arms gently pulled Ichiro with him.

"Oh, I believe you. Anyway, your reaction shows me that, if you had my consent, you wouldn't mind if something happened between you two, isn't that right?"

His lover watched him through narrowed eyes. "As I said, Darius isn't interested in me that way. He's flirty, but that's it.

"But how about you? If _you_ had _my_ consent, would you make out with someone you like? Marlon, for example?" 

Flustered, Gabriel scratched the back of his head. "The pothead? Why him?"

"Call it a hunch, Mister Montgomery, but I wouldn't mind, you know? He's nice, I like him."

"Hey, that's— that's not fair. We were talking about you and Darius. Why are you turning it around?"

"I'm not. If you admit that you'd make out with Marlon, I'll admit that I'd do the same with Darius."

"What utter nonsense! You're nuts." Blushing, Gabriel lifted up the crate and started walking again. 

Ichiro clicked his tongue and followed him. "How about we use today for a little experiment?"

"What do you mean?"

"We give each other permission to do whatever, and tomorrow, we'll talk about it. Let's see how we feel about it and how we'll proceed from then on. That's important because we need to find boundaries for our relationship that we're both comfortable with. That doesn't mean that we have to do anything but could."

"You're only saying that because you want Darius."

Ichiro sighed and fastened his pace. "Alright, fine. Let's forget about it."

Gabriel bit his lip and grimaced over his unnecessary remark, as he knew that even _if_ he wanted to make out with Darius, what Ichiro cited as reason was logical. 

"You're right. If we want to stay together, there's no getting around it."

His lover halted, turned around and fixed his gaze on him. "Are you a hundred per cent sure about that? I know I won't care if I see you making out with Marlon. Quite the contrary because I'd sit down and watch. But I'm not sure if you wouldn't try to break noses again."

Gabriel frowned. "You'd watch?"

"Of course. Nothing is hotter than your exceptionally sexy boyfriend getting sensual with someone else right in front of you. I'd watch you fuck if I'd get the chance."

"Wow. Okay... Erm..." Gabriel swallowed, and a fierce blush crept up his cheeks. "I won't break noses, and I won't freak out either, I promise."

"Put down that crate." 

While Gabriel leaned down to place it on the ground once more, Ichiro used the chance to cup his cheeks. He captured Gabriel's lips in a sensual kiss and slipped his tongue into his mouth, caressing him until they were out of breath.

"I love you, and I'll only ever let go of you if you want me to, Mister Montgomery. But even then, I'll fight for you. Keep that in mind. Always."


	20. Sensuality - Part Two

Gabriel sat down, leaned against a tree trunk that had been washed ashore and smiled as Marlon flopped down next to him. He handed him a can of beer and immediately averted his gaze again as he noticed Rayne running up to them. She was dripping wet and panted as she squatted down, a bright smile on her face. 

"Guys, listen! I already briefed Ichi and Darius, but you'll have to play along as well!"

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes. "With what ridiculous plan will you bother us this time, hm?"

She glared at him, glanced over her shoulder to make sure Daryl was still out of earshot and locked eyes with her best friend again. "Be nice, or I'll tell my brother embarrassing stories about you, starting with the one where your pants—"

"Shut your mouth, you witch," Gabriel hissed through his teeth and covered her mouth with his hand.

Marlon laughed out loud. "She got yer balls, mate. Ya better listen and oblige."

Rayne nodded approvingly. "Exactly. Alright, here's the plan: Truth or Dare."

Gabriel instantly groaned and downed his beer, which made Marlon laugh again.

"Ya two are like a comedy duo; I luv it. What's with that plan, princess? Help me out here."

"Well, I'm sure it's obvious that I have a crush on Daryl, but I'm too shy to make a move, you know? He's acting all sweet, but he's too intimidating anyway. That's why I thought when we're all drunk later, we could play a ... uh ... sexy version of Truth or Dare and the first of you, who's pointing either at Daryl or me, orders us to kiss the other."

"Gosh, ain't that sweet and innocent? Deal — if ya do the same for me."

Unbeknownst to Gabriel, Marlon's eyes quickly darted over to him and back to Rayne, who grinned in response. "Oho! Sure thing, pothead."

"Huh? What am I missing here?" 

"Gabe, Gabe, Gabe... slow, as always." Rayne jumped to her feet. "Your loss! See ya later, peeps!" She waved, ran off and right back into the ocean, where the other guys messed around with each other. Ichiro had made one of his infamous seaweed crowns and currently chased Darius through the waves to make him wear it.

Knitting his brows again, Gabriel opened another tinny and downed it as well.

"Slow down, tiger. What's the matter with ya, hm?"

He kept watching how his lover and Darius laughed and had fun together as he pondered how to answer the question.

"What exactly is that between those two?" He gestured vaguely, and Marlon followed his line of sight and smiled.

"That, my friend, is perfect chemistry — a level neither you nor I will ever reach with them."

"How reassuring."

Marlon smirked and took a sip from his beer. "That's nothin' bad, tho. Our relationships with them have other qualities, ya know? Darius and I, for example, have a level of mutual understanding that would be hard to reach for anyone else. We have a natural flow and a connection that will last even if we would decide to walk our path as friends than as lovers. And Vampy proved more than once that he luvs ya, despite you being a selfish bastard, which means he's loyal, supportive and trusts ya."

"Mhm, that's true, but I don't see the connection here. Ichi and Darius look as if they want to jump each other."

"And what about it?"

Gabriel frowned and turned his head to lock eyes with Marlon who shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm serious; what about it? Do ya think just because you're in a relationship with someone, their heart stops beatin' for other people? Or that you're entitled to all their love and affection? Do you think someone becomes your possession and has to give their everythin' to ya just because ya want it so?"

"No, that's—" Gabriel sighed. "I talked with Ichi before, and he said he looks at sex and relationships in a similar way to yours. The problem is that I didn't know before and thought I'd be in a normal relationship with a normal boyfriend."

"Ichiro _is_ normal, tiger. Stop seeing things weirdly, simply 'cause they ain't align with our obsolete social standards.

"Of course, monogamous relationships have their benefits and can be amazing if both partners wholly commit to it. It becomes problematic when one party decides to emotionally imprison the other for selfish reasons and traps them in somethin' that goes against their nature."

"And what am I supposed to do now? Ichi stated pretty clearly that he's doing it for my sake. Because he loves me. I feel horrible."

"Yeah, and? That's his decision, which means, he's willin' to try for ya. Maybe he likes it in the end."

"And what if he doesn't?" Gabriel took a deep breath, looked towards the setting sun and let his eyes wander until his lover and Darius came back into view. Ichiro's legs were wrapped around Darius, and although he couldn't make out their expressions, he knew they were pining for each other. 

He wasn't worried about them making out, although he couldn't say he wouldn't be jealous at all. But it wasn't the physical part that scared him. What scared him the most was the fact that Darius' connection with Ichiro felt more natural and more intense than his own. And he was afraid Ichi could realise that. Afraid of budding genuine feelings that could bloom into a love that would outweigh what he and his lover had. 

Gabriel roughly rubbed his eyes as he felt tears well up, sighed, and continued watching how those two grew closer with each passing moment.

"They'd make a great couple."

Humming in agreement, Marlon scooted over until he sat right next to Gabriel.

"Feelings are like the ocean, tiger; in a constant flow, untamable, and often deeper as they seem. And all we can do is ride on a wave and hope it'll carry us forever. 

"Look; they bring each other happiness, and that's somethin' good, ain't it? That doesn't mean that our waves are about to crash against the shore. It's a big ocean, and many waves exist right next to each other. 

"Be happy for Vampy, tiger. I know I am for Darius. Because I love him."

"Yeah... Your profundity is kind of scary, you know?"

Marlon laughed. "It's the pot." He lighted a spliff and handed it over to him. "Ya should try it today. Calms ya down a bit and helps to broaden yer mind."

Gabriel turned his head and looked into the deep blue eyes that were so close now. A sympathetic smirk adorned his friend's smooth lips as he winked at Gabriel while holding up the spliff. The swimmer swallowed and bit his cheek, cursing Ichiro for saying weird stuff about making out with Marlon. Now, he couldn't look him in the eyes anymore without thinking about it. Frustrated, Gabriel grabbed the spliff, took a deep pull, and regretted it instantly. 

"Ah, shit..." Coughing, he leaned forward and grabbed another tinny.

"Careful, tiger," Marlon laughed while lightly tapping Gabriel's back. "Ya gettin' used to it."

"Uh-huh." He leaned back again, took a sip of his beer and stiffened as he noticed how the tapping of Marlon's hand gradually changed into gentle strokes.

"Want me to stop, tiger?" he asked in his deep, resonant voice as his fingertips leisurely travelled across Gabriel's neck.

Pressing the tip of his tongue against his upper lip, Gabriel eyed the spliff in his hand from all angles, took another pull, coughed once and turned to Marlon.

"No."

✵✵✵

"I'm getting tired, Frosty!"

Out of breath, Darius turned around and quickly grabbed Ichiro's hips as his friend jumped to wrap his legs around his middle. 

"You noob, that's what I was waiting for!" He placed the peculiar construct of seaweed and algal on his friend's head and grinned triumphantly. "Gotcha!"

"Damn, I thought you'd drop it to use your hands to steady yourself."

Ichiro arched a brow and folded his arms above his chest.

"I beg your pardon? Ballet dancer, hellooo? I'm flexible as fuck, and my body tension is top-notch. I don't even need your arms around me to hold onto you."

"Oh, really? Aight, stop boasting around and show off, mate."

Darius let go of him, yet Ichiro's posture didn't change aside from a weight shift that pressed his muscular bottom deep into Darius' lap.

"Ah, damn. Frosty, uh..." He slipped his hands back around Ichiro's waist, and quickly lowered them both into the water until his knees hit the ground. "That's dangerous."

Slightly furrowing his brows, Ichiro slung his arms around Darius' neck to secure his posture. "No, it's not, but thanks for caring." 

Darius smirked and narrowed his eyes. "That's not what I meant, you dumbass," he stated in a low voice, subtly pressed Ichiro back against his middle, cocked his head and arched a brow.

"Oh..." 

"Yeah, oh."

Finally understanding what his friend implied, Ichiro slowly loosened the grip of his legs while he blushed again. 

Their eyes were still locked as he decided to keep his arms around his friend's shoulders. He lightly dug his nails into the sensitive flesh, and slowly ran them down his back. 

"Frosty, hey. What are you doin', hm?"

"Testing something."

Within seconds, the whole atmosphere changed, and Darius' heart started to race as he felt a mild panic well up in his chest. 

Suddenly, their usual teasing and banter felt different, and he didn't know how to interpret Ichiro's unexpected change in behaviour. 

His friend's cheeks, neck and even shoulders were tinted in vivid pink, and his dilated pupils stared intensely at Darius through half-lidded eyes. The smooth flow of Ichiro's hips, as he subtly rolled them against Darius, caught him off-guard, made his breath hitch and his heart skip a beat. He inhaled sharply through his teeth and involuntarily squeezed the supple waist in his hands as Ichiro pressed against his lap to roll his hips once more.

"Why are you grinding me..."

Darius licked his lip and bit down on it as the throbbing sensation in his stomach caused a pleasant quiver to run through his entire frame. Blood rushed to his dick, and everything felt so intense that he got overwhelmed for a second.

Ichiro's body fit perfectly against his, and Darius was reminded of the morning at his place when he pulled his friend's delicate figure close to him. He remembered the fain scent of peaches as he nuzzled against his friend's neck. How his fingertips tenderly caressed the warm and smooth porcelain skin of Ichiro's stomach. Remembered his taste on his tongue that made him want to devour him.

His friend's beautiful light-blue eyes were still fixed at him, their challenging gaze tempting him to gamble — something that was out of the question.

"Frosty ... don't you think that level of tease is a bit over the top?"

A wave crashed against his back, and the sudden movement caused their noses to brush together. Ichiro leaned in as his eyes darted down to his friend's lips, which were even closer now. "Who said that I'm teasing you?" he asked in a hoarse voice, his lips brushing against Darius' with every spoken syllable. 

Another rush of pleasure sparked at his lips, spread through his whole body and caused his heart to hammer in his chest. Darius closed his eyes to take a deep breath. "I think you should go and join Gabe." 

He slowly pushed Ichiro's delicate frame away from him, carefully took off the seaweed crown and placed it on top of his friend's head. 

Ichiro lowered his head and repeatedly rubbed his upper arm. "I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't worry, everything is fine. Just go ahead, I'll stay a little longer." 

He smiled reassuringly at his visibly embarrassed and rattled friend to make it less awkward for him.

"See you later, Frosty."

"Yeah... Okay... Don't stay too long, though; it's already getting dark."

"Mhm, yeah. Don't worry about me." Darius shot him another quick glance, smiled and walked further into the ocean.

Ichiro rubbed his face and threw the seaweed crown into the water as he slowly made his way back to the shore.

This was the first time that someone had turned him down, and not anyone but Darius. The confirmation that his friend didn't see him as someone he'd want to be intimate with caused a painful sensation in Ichiro's chest.

Puzzled and bewildered, he trudged through the sand as scenes from the past Saturday played before his inner eye. The feeling of Darius' smooth tongue that licked across his skin after sensually biting down on his neck still lingered vividly in his mind.

Frowning, he pressed his lips together and focused his gaze on Gabriel and Marlon, who watched him approaching.

"Shall I stop _now_?" Marlon's eyes were fixed on Ichiro, who slowly walked towards their beach camp as the young man's gaze already darted to the hand at Gabriel's neck. "Welp, too late, I guess."

He looked at Marlon, smiled, and flopped down across from them.

"Gabriel, could you hand me my towel, please?"

"S-sure."

The swimmer's face was bright red as he handed it over while avoiding eye-contact.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed, Mister Montgomery; I told you it's alright."

Gabriel grumbled in response while Ichiro wrapped himself into the almost blanket-sized towel. He shifted his gaze at Marlon, who arched a brow in puzzled curiosity.

"What exactly is alright? If ya don't mind explainin'."

"Gabriel and I have a little agreement for today, about physical ... _activities_ outside from our relationship."

"Oh?" Marlon smirked, arching his brow even more. "That's ... interestin' and good to know. Is Darius aware of it?"

Ichiro shook his head. "I don't know why it would concern him."

Gabriel looked up, alternately frowning at his lover and Marlon.

"Huh? I thought you—"

Lifting a hand to silence him, Ichiro shook his head once more. "Our whole conversation was about consent, Gabriel; that includes everyone around us, and that's why it's no longer an issue. I told you several times that he's not interested in me like that." He leaned back to prop himself up on his hands and stretched his legs. "Do me a favour and don't start holding back now, alright? I don't need to make out with someone to have an equally good time, and I surely won't feel left out or disadvantaged."

Gabriel's jaw tensed in response while Marlon's throat escaped a low chuckle. He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest.

"Has he ever told ya that kiddo-Darius wanted to become an actor? He even joined the theatre club at school and was best in class for years."

Gabriel grimaced in confusion. "Wow, _that_ was random; even for you."

"Ain't his interpersonal ignorance adorable?" Smirking, Marlon gazed at Ichiro while tilting his head towards the swimmer.

"The Japanese nodded subtly. "Exhausting, at times, though. Anyway, thank you for the info."

Winking, Marlon placed his hand back on Gabriel's neck. "Any time, Vampy. Any time."

"The hell are you talking about?" Gabriel opened another tinny, shot both men a _'you're all weird'_ look, and downed his fourth beer in one go.

"Do we have something fancier than beer?" Ichiro stretched his neck and looked over to the crate.

"Aye... Darius mixed ' _Sex on the Beach'_ for ya," Marlon stated as he started rummaging through several bottles and cups.

"Did he, huh?" Ichiro knit his brows and lightly traced his chin and jawline with his index finger while he looked over to the ocean.

"Why would he mix a cocktail? Everyone knows that you don't like sweet stuff."

"That's right, I don't," he turned his head again to lock eyes with Gabriel. "However, I mentioned once that _Sex on the Beach_ is the only cocktail I dig despite being sweet as fuck because I like the mixture of juices."

"Huh. I didn't know."

"You've never asked."

"Right..." Gabriel nodded slightly and averted his gaze. 

The awkward silence that threatened to settle down was quickly dismissed by Marlon as he handed Ichiro a two-litre bottle of orange-coloured liquid.

"There ya go, my friend. Enjoy."

"Thanks. Oh, and pretend that I'm not here. Do, uh," Ichiro gestured vaguely "things or something." 

He drank directly from the bottle in large sips, then searched through his messenger bag and took out his Bluetooth speaker. While starting a playlist on his phone, he tilted backwards and gazed at the orange sky until a shadow blocked his view. Water droplets hit his face and dripped down his cheeks while his eyes focused on the handsome face above him. 

Lips curled up into a smirk, Darius watched him and cocked his head.

"You found the bottle, I see."

"Yeah. I'm impressed you remembered."

"I don't forget anything you're tellin' me, Frosty." Darius winked at him and looked over to Marlon and Gabriel. "Petting zoo or what? What's going on with ya?" He gestured with his chin towards his lover's hand that still was drawing slow circles on Gabriel's neck.

Grinning, Marlon ran his tongue across his teeth. "Oh, right, ya don't know yet. Gabe and Vampy are testin' an open relationship today, so ... what I'm doin' is perfectly fine."

"I—is that right..." Mouth agape, Darius successively stared at Gabriel, who nodded in response, and Ichiro, who cleared his throat, grabbed the cocktail bottle and quickly took a few sips.

"Ain't ya happy for them, hun? I mean, they're broadenin' their mind, tryin' to figure out what's best and stuff." Marlon's teasing voice cut through the silence and made Darius look back at him. 

_'Testing something.' 'Who said that I'm teasing you?'_

Ichiro's words echoed in his ears and instantly made his heart race again. "Yeah, sure, uh-huh..." He quickly glanced at his friend once more before he started walking towards Marlon's house. "I'll go take a shower and get changed."

✵✵✵

It was already dark when Darius walked back to his friends, as he had purposefully taken his time. He noticed that Rayne and his brother had already joined them again, and the group had set up a bonfire that flared calmly between them. Ichiro noticed his approach immediately, and although his expression was indifferent, Darius' heart skipped a beat nonetheless. He offered him a lopsided grin and stopped next to Gabriel and Marlon, but his lover instantly growled in disapproval.

"You can sit with them, hun. Tiger and I have important stuff to discuss."

Gabriel arched a brow. "Have we?"

"Uh-huh, we have. So..." Marlon waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Shoo."

Darius rolled his eyes and extended a hand. "Yeah, thanks, fucker. Gimme my bottle, at least."

" _Long Island Iced Tea_ was it?" Gabriel asked and checked the crate in Marlon's stead.

"Yeah, it's the one with the white lid."

Receiving the bottle, Darius quickly downed half of it, glared at Marlon and walked over to the rest of the group, where he flopped down next to Ichiro.

"Say, uh... Wasn't he kind of a drinking lightweight when it comes to strong alcohol?" Gabriel asked a little concerned.

"Yep. You've just witnessed the coward givin' himself some liquid courage." His back still propped against the tree trunk, Marlon slid down into a more comfortable position and bent his knees. "That'll be an interestin' evening, I'm already excited."

He placed his hand on Gabriel's inner thigh, started drawing circles again and went lower with each until the swimmer inadvertently tensed his muscles. Marlon searched his gaze and cocked his head. Gabriel's cheeks were flushed, and he chewed on his lip again. Smirking, Marlon let his fingertips trail down a little further to the more sensitive area.

"Say somethin', and I'll stop immediately, tiger."

Gabriel reached for a bottle of tequila and took some sips before he locked eyes with his friend again.

"Keep going."

"Also a coward, mh?" Marlon's eyebrow twitched, and he smirked again as he pressed his fingers more firmly into the swimmer's muscles. He looked back to the rest of their group, where Ichiro and Daryl were engrossed in conversation. When his gaze wandered to Darius, Gabriel put Marlon's thought into words.

"Look, how he stares at Ichi... That gaze speaks volumes. It looks like he wants to eat him."

"Ya pronounced s _uck_ wrong, but yeah, you're right. However, Darius won't do anythin', even if he actually desperately wants to."

"You think so?"

"I'm sure of it. I know that handsome coward since he started secondary school as a lil crybaby. He's flirty as fuck as long as it's meaningless, but he always has trouble expressin' himself if he likes people. Always chickens out. Anyway, I'll make him do somethin' today."

"And what are you up to?" Gabriel hesitantly brushed the tip of his index finger across Marlon's hand.

"Oh, tiger... There's a whole play in my head, and Act One is princess' game. But first..." He took out his phone, turned on the camera and took a picture of the scene before them.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=beachao35qjj9.jpg)

"I need evidence to tease him to death, ya know?"

Gabriel laughed and took another sip of tequila. "You're evil, Marlon."

"Honey, you have no idea." He sat up straight and whistled. "Yo, get yer asses over here, we'll play Truth or Dare now, and it'll be a sexy version just so ya know. Cowards drop their clothes until they're naked, understand?" He instantly snickered as he noticed Darius gaze. "Look how he glares at me — already knows what's up, but that won't save him.

"I'll be instantly naked, you know?" Ichiro slumped down and pointed at his bathers; the only clothes he was wearing.

Marlon shrugged his shoulders. "Not my problem, Vampy. Do what we want and answer our questions, and you're safe."

"And what _do_ you want?" Daryl asked as he sat down next to Rayne."

"Welp, Truth always has to be a question related to yer love- or sex life. Dare includes kisses. French kisses, to be precise. No exceptions."

Daryl arched a brow. "Are you fucking with me? A pash?"

"Aye."

"Do I look like I wanna kiss my brother? Or any of you guys with tongue?"

Marlon's gaze darted over to Rayne and back to Daryl. "Sometimes, ya have to make sacrifices for the greater good." He winked at him. "Let's make an exception with yer bro, though."

"Yeah, thanks, highly appreciated. Incest isn't even in my hentai search history," Darius stated, made the guys laugh, and Rayne spat out her water.

"You watch hentai?!"

"You don't?"

Before she could answer, Daryl cleared his throat.

"Guys, you know what? I'd prefer to spend my time alone with Rayne instead of playing a game where I probably have to kiss everyone but the girl I want to."

"I hope your intentions are sincere," Ichiro remarked while eyeing him sternly, and Daryl nodded in response. "They are." He turned his head to look at Rayne, but she hid her features behind the brim of her hat that she had pulled down to her chin.

Daryl smiled and reached for her hand. "I actually wanted to make a move two years ago already, but back then it looked like Gabe was in love with her, and stealing a friend's girl is a no go. Anyway," he shifted his gaze to Gabriel, "Thanks for bein' gay, mate." 

Everyone laughed, and Daryl looked back at Rayne, who had lifted her hat to stare at him in disbelief. "You thought I was hot back then?" 

"Have you ever looked into a mirror? Of course. Always have."

"Maaaan..." She blushed fiercely and averted her gaze. "How can you be so blunt about it all of a sudden? So embarrassing..." she muttered and poked her index finger repeatedly into the sand.

"I'm simply tired of waitin', he stated and gently pulled on her hand. "Would you like to take a stroll with me?" 

Rayne nodded meekly and let herself pull up by him. She followed Daryl, who hadn't let go of her hand, quickly glanced at Marlon, and whispered a ' _sorry_ ' as her eyes briefly darted over to Gabriel.

"Yeah, get lost, love birdies." He grinned at her.

Ichiro's gaze followed the couple until their bodies merged with the shadows and locked eyes with Darius afterwards. "If he's toying with her after all, I'll kill him." 

Darius nodded. "I know a place where we can dump the corpse."

"And what are we doing now? Gabriel asked and took another sip from the tequila.

"First things first..." Marlon lighted a spliff, took a deep pull and handed it over to Gabriel, who did the same.

"What the fuck?" Darius and Ichiro asked in unison while simultaneously arching their brows.

While Gabriel said nothing, Marlon shrugged his shoulders. "He has a rough day it seems. Leave him be."

Ichiro locked eyes with his lover, who smiled in response but averted his gaze real quick again.

"Yeah... Only for today."

Sighing, the Japanese laid down on his towel and stared at the sky, and while he was stretching his legs, his calve accidentally touched Darius' arm. However, instead of pulling away, his friend twisted it subtly to brush along his skin.

His heart skipped a beat, and he bit his lip to conceal his smile.

"Hey, Vampy?" Marlon's deep voice suddenly cut through the speaker's music.

"Hm?"

"I'm curious about ya. Can I ask ya some personal stuff about yer love life up to now?

"Sure, go ahead." Ichiro turned on his side and propped himself up on his elbow, pressing his leg back against Darius' arm.

"Have ya ever had a threesome?"

"Yes."

"Foursome?"

"Yes."

Marlon tilted his head. "Even more?"

Ichiro nodded in response, gaze firmly locked at him, although he heard how Darius exhaled audibly.

"Girls involved?"

"Mhm, plenty."

"And you were always the active part?"

"Without exception."

"Marlon looked at Gabriel, watched him quietly for a moment and shifted his gaze back on Ichiro. "Doesn't realise the deeper meaning of it, eh?"

Ichiro subtly shook his head. "Just leave it be."

"Aight..." He pulled on his spliff, exhaled smoke rings and locked eyes with Ichiro once more.

"Say, would ya kiss Darius?"

The muscles of Darius' arm tensed up immediately beneath his leg, but he said nothing. Instead, Gabriel locked eyes with Ichiro. "Would you?"

Ichiro heaved a sigh. "Although it was accidentally, there already happened more than a kiss between us."

"You're dodging the question, Vampy."

"Stop pestering him, Marlon." Darius glared at his lover and earned a smirk in response.

"Why? Scared his answer is yes?"

"Pff... Of course, not. I just want you to stop making him uncomfortable."

Ichiro sat up and gazed at Darius. "I'm not uncomfortable."

"There it is again, the freaking thick sexual tension," Gabriel murmured while taking a pull of the spliff that was still held by Marlon. He turned his head to the swimmer and smirked. "Are ya gettin' brave tiger?" His gaze dropped to Gabriel's lips. 

"Maybe..." The swimmer's voice was but a low growl and elicited a sharp breath from Marlon. 

"Dang, I was so close... You're ruinin' my plans, tiger..." He briefly glanced at Darius and Ichiro before he leaned in for a kiss.

Gabriel's heart started racing, and desire welled up in the pit of his stomach. Yet, as Marlon was about to part his lips with his tongue, Gabriel gently pushed against his chest. 

He glanced at Ichiro, who was watching them quietly. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that in front of anyone."

Marlon locked eyes with Ichiro, both men nodding at each other.

"Wanna go inside, tiger?"

"Hm?" Puzzled, Gabriel turned bright red and searched his lover's gaze. Ichiro smiled gently at him. "As I said, it is fine. Don't worry about anything. If you want to go with him, you do exactly that, alright?"

"Haaah..." Gabriel stood up, ruffled his hair and squatted down in front of him. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mister Montgomery." He kissed him gently. "Do whatever you want, but be aware that I want to hear the details tomorrow."

Ichiro grinned and kissed him once more.

"I'm nervous," Gabriel whispered as he pressed their foreheads together.

"It's alright. Just go with the flow. I'm pretty sure Marlon takes the lead anyway."

"And that's exactly why I'm scared." A strained smile on his lips, the swimmer straightened back up and looked at Darius, who silently nodded in approval.

"Aight, let's go." Marlon reached for Gabriel's hand, naturally entwined their fingers and pulled him towards his house.

Darius sighed as he watched them go. "And theeere goes my extra money."

"Hm?" Ichiro turned back to him and frowned.

"After Marlon met Gabe for the first time, he said to me that Gabe was a closeted gay. I laughed at him because Gabe never was anything but straight in my book, but Marlon just shrugged his shoulders and said _'He's gay, you'll see. And once, he's outta the closed, I'll take him'._

 _"_ I called him a delusional idiot, betting a hundred bucks that he's wrong. Marlon was hot for him since, and when he heard that Gabe had a crush on you, he almost doubled over of laughter. And now he reached his final goal. That fucker."

Ichiro smiled. "Marlon is incredibly perceptive, intuitive, and a lot smarter than he wants us to think."

"Yeah, he's the real sly dog here. That's why my mum doesn't like him. She knows that he's a schemer who uses and manipulates people and doesn't mind walking over corpses to get to his goal."

"And what about you — do you mind?"

Darius shook his head. "Nope. Because he treats everyone he cares about extremely well. And everything else doesn't bother me."

Ichiro hummed, took a sip from his cocktail and laid back down on his towel.

"Do you think they'll fuck?"

"Absolutely. And Gabe will take the passive part, that I can assure you."

"Oh, really... Man, that irks me. He didn't do that for me yet, and I don't want to be at the receiving end forever. I'd like to switch at least."

"Oh, I get you. I'm a switch myself, but not with Marlon. It's annoying sometimes."

He sighed and listened to the music that played at Ichiro's speaker.

While _Beau Diako's Animal_ filled the calm air, Darius reached for his bottle and let his gaze wander across Ichiro's body. His friend had his eyes closed, one of his hands rested at his waistband, and his slender fingers tapped the smooth skin to the rhythm of the song. 

Suddenly hyperaware of being alone with him, Darius' stomach throbbed in response to the sight, and he quickly took a few sips of his drink. 

"Frosty, you're covered in goosebumps. Wanna go inside?"

"No. I want to be considerate of Gabriel."

"Oh, right..."

Darius closed his eyes, tilted his head back and took a deep breath before taking another sip from his bottle. 

"Want me to warm you up?"

Ichiro rolled over to his side and fixed his gaze on him. "I'd love that."

With a racing heart, Darius crawled over, laid down next to him, and gently pulled him into his arms. He inhaled deeply as his nose brushed against his friend's neck and smiled.

"Saltwater, seaweed and peaches. Interesting mix."

"Peaches? I don't use anything with peach fragrance."

"No, it's your own scent. I noticed it last week already. You smell like peaches."

"Huh..."

Darius pulled him a little closer and started rubbing his arm. After a while, Ichiro addressed him in a small voice.

"Say... Am I; I don't know — vaguely repellent to you?"

" _What_?! Are you crazy?" Darius sat up and scowled at his friend who just had rolled back on his back. As they stared at each other, the bonfire's flames reflected on Ichiro's pale skin and enveloped it in a soft golden glow. His tousled, jet-black hair was sprawled out around his head and gave sight to the delicate neck that Darius would love to bite again. He longed for him — and not only for his gorgeous appearance, as it was his friend's personality that made him fall for him right from the start.

And since they first met, not a single day had passed where he hasn't had thought about him. 

Ichiro sat up and moved close until their faces were only inches apart. Darius sighed, his expression softening again as he tenderly ran a knuckle over his friend's cheek.

"You're the most beautiful being on the planet, Frosty. Inside and out," he whispered while gazing affectionately at him.

"Then... Why did you reject me before?"

"Because..." He bit his lip and swallowed his words, but his hesitance only fuelled his friend's impatience. 

Inclining his head, Ichiro leaned in even closer and brushed their noses together, caused his heart to start racing again. "Because?"

"Frosty, no..."

A strained grimace settled down on Darius' features as he exhaled slowly. He couldn't say what was on his mind and rued the day that had changed everything. 

With a pleading look in his eyes, he desperately shook his head, afraid that he would lose the fight. However, Ichiro was already too close, and the featherlight kiss that suddenly brushed over Darius' mouth, was enough to get his defence to collapse. 

He cursed the whole world as he chased his friend's lips to bite down on them to pull him back. The throbbing feeling in Darius' stomach became overwhelming, and his head started spinning as Ichiro wrapped his arms around his neck while deepening the kiss.

Darius grabbed him by the waist, pulled him into his lap and slipped his tongue between Ichiro's lips. The sensation of those soft, split halves that languidly curled around his tongue was extraordinary and made him quiver. Ichiro licked the corner of Darius' mouth and leaned back. "I didn't know yours is pierced as well," he whispered and gazed at him through half-lidded eyes.

"There's still a lot you don't know about me, Frosty, but it's easy to change that," he purred in a low voice and slowly licked over his friend's bottom lip before he sucked it into his mouth. 

Ichiro moaned and kissed his way down to the neck, gently biting the tender flesh as his hand slipped beneath Darius' waistband. "I want to know everything about you, and I want you to know everything about me." He looked up again, a soft smile on his lips. 

Pressing their foreheads together, he curled his fingers around Darius' dick and smoothly started stroking him. A low groan escaped Darius' throat as he slowly rolled his hips into Ichiro's touch.

"I longed for this so much." 

His friend beamed tenderly at him and captured his lips in a sweet kiss. "I like being with you, Mr Darcy, and I enjoy making you happy."

Darius' heart skipped a beat while he had to swallow against the lump that threatened to form in his throat. He kissed the tip of Ichiro's nose and pulled him into a gentle embrace.

"My dearest, I—"

Sudden laughter reverberated through the air, and Ichiro instantly stiffened and turned his head. "That's my sister." Unwillingly, he drew his hand from Darius' pants, slipped off of his lap and sat down next to him.

Darius gently tipped up his chin and searched his gaze. "You're a wonderful being;" he leaned over for a last, sweet and tender kiss. "and I want to kiss you again." Ichiro brushed his nose over his lips. "I can't wait for it to happen, Mr Darcy," he whispered and reluctantly pulled back.

While the approaching couple's silhouette emerged in the bonfire's shine, Ichiro's and Darius' hands searched for each other, entwined fingers and exchanged gentle caresses under the curtain of night.


	21. Fragile Bonds & Torn Ties

He panted, and his body still tingled as the tongue caressed his sensitive tip to lick off the remnants of his climax. Gabriel looked down and was greeted by Marlon's smug grin. He had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he slowly kissed his way up and down the cock in his hand.

"Good morning, tiger."

"Haaah, shit."

Gabriel sighed, dropped his head back onto the pillow and covered his face with his forearm.

"Too late for a guilty conscience, dontcha think?" Marlon sucked the tip one last time before he crawled up and slumped down next to Gabriel.

"I'd say we go for another round, but I'm pretty sure you'll stick to the  _ 'we said, only for yesterday'  _ rule."

"You're right."

Gabriel felt the heat rising to his cheeks as he vividly recalled the night. Having sex the other way around was strange at first, but, thanks to Marlon's experience, turned into a highly sensual and intense adventure that he had thoroughly enjoyed eventually. However, the fact that it wasn't Ichiro who took his second virginity made him feel depressed — a mood he felt too often lately.

Marlon started caressing his thigh. "Does anything hurt?"

"No."

"Perfect."

His friend rolled onto his side to kiss Gabriel's pecks. "You did so well, tiger; it was a real pleasure to take you. If you're fine with it, I'd love to get used to it, although it would have to wait for a bit, then." 

Slowly sitting up, he peeled Gabriel's arm off of his face. "I'd like to talk about something serious before we join the others."

Frowning, the swimmer shifted into a sitting position. "What's up?"

Wetting his lips, Marlon reached for Gabriel's hand, entwined their fingers and locked eyes with him.

"Do me a favour, tiger, and just listen for a minute. After that, think about what I said, about the potential outcomes and consequences, and then, you can ask questions, aight?"

Gabriel arched a brow. "That sounds suspicious as hell, you know?"

"Yep. Anyway, listen closely. After observin' ya for a whole day in addition to all that talkin' about pretty personal stuff, I suggest that ya stand back from everythin' for a bit."

"What the f—"

Marlon pressed a finger to Gabriel's lips.

"U-uuuh, I said you shall listen, aight?"

Growling, the swimmer nodded and clenched his teeth.

"I'm sorry to say this, but it's mainly because of Ichi. He bottles up, refuses to face his demons and unintentionally drags everyone down who comes too close. That's super dangerous as we see at yer life, which is a hot mess since ya share it with him, tiger. And Darius is in complete denial about friggin' everythin'. Although he's supposed to make some big decisions, he brushes it aside, which adds to your trouble in its own ways."

Gabriel leaned back and frowned.

"Wait, wait, wait; no idea what's up with Darius, but ... are you suggesting that I break up with Ichi?" 

"At present, someone like Ichi is out of your league 'cause neither your lifestyles align, nor your levels of experience. And the latter plays a crucial role in what ya both expect of relationships. Realisin' bein' gay and jumpin' into an open relationship adventure right away? To please him? Because ya fear to lose him otherwise? You're not ready for him, mate. At least, stick to the monogamous way, for now, tiger, 'cause obviously, ya can't handle seein' him with Darius. But if you ask me, ya shouldn't stick together at all 'cause the thing is, Ichiro isn't ready either. Not for you, for Darius or for whoever might cross his way."

Gabriel scowled and gritted his teeth. He loved Ichiro, but being in a relationship with him was difficult, that much was true. However, the way Marlon talked about it hurt him. His way of stating the obvious as a mere bystander hit different and projected lots of  _ 'what if' _ scenarios into Gabriel's mind. Pictures, he didn't want to see, as the only things he wished for right now was getting his life back on track and being happy with his lover.

He took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes.

"Why are you talking bad about him behind his back, hm?"

"I'm not. I'm statin' facts, and ya know that, but if you want me to say it to Ichiro's face, I'll do that. Although I'd rather not 'cause we both know that he'd break down. Don't get me wrong, I think he's an awesome dude. Genuinely friendly, altruistic, empathetic, wants to help people, and always tries his best — I really like him, I mean it. He's a sweet soul with tons of positive traits. 

"However, that ain't enough to erase his issues and the effect they have. We know of the rape, Darius let me in on some snippets of Ichiro's life with his bitch of a mum, and who knows what else happened."

Gabriel started chewing on his lip, tapping his index finger repeatedly onto his knee, unsure if he should voice his thought. Marlon reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. "Somethin' to say, tiger?

Sighing, Gabriel shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know for sure, but I think his mother plays the biggest role. He can't talk about her at all without being at the verge of a breakdown. They must have a horrible relationship, completely void of warmth because he often hints on not knowing motherly love, and Richard vaguely said similar things. Anyway, that's why I avoid the topic usually." 

Chasing a thought, Marlon knit his brows and averted his gaze for a brief moment before he locked eyes with Gabriel again. "Say, what do ya think about his previous sex life?"

Taking a deep breath, Gabriel rubbed his cheek. "I don't judge him, but I think it's pretty hardcore and doesn't fit his personality."

"Right. It feels off. Ichiro's polyamorous tendencies are genuine, I think. But him fucking around with everyone who wants to, in orgies and gang bangs and whatever? Deffo incompatible with his nature, and practically screams  _ coping mechanism _ . That often happens when traumatised people crave for love and affection; a twisted way to validate them bein' worth of tender loving care."

Gabriel frowned at him. "And how do you know that?"

"'Cause I studied it."

"Huh? Studied what?"

Marlon knit his brows even more and shook his head. "We ain't talkin' about me here, and ya keep what I said a secret — ya owe me one anyway." He fixed his meaningful gaze at Gabriel, watched him for a brief second and then continued as if nothing had happened.

"Ichiro has so many unsolved underlyin' issues that he'll ruin everyone around him as long as he doesn't come to terms with it. Or do ya wanna tell me, his way of dealin' with things improved yer mental health lately? Ichi needs help from a professional, and the backing of a supportive and loving family; unfortunately, we ain't cut out for that job without riskin' to make it worse. 

"And  _ you _ , tiger..." Marlon sighed. "First and foremost, stop runnin' away and come to terms with bein' gay."

"What are you talking about? I'm cool with it."

Laughing, Marlon leaned forwards, cupped his cheeks and kissed him.

"No, hun, you're absolutely not; or why haven't you solved the issues with yer family and teammates yet? There's so much ya have to work on to get yer head in the right space again. If ya want yer life to run as smoothly as before, cut all of us short, focus on yourself and solve yer problems. Don't make it hard for Ichi and don't let his issues keep draggin' ya down."

"Thanks, but I don't need your advice."

"Listen, mate, we'll all mentally bite the dust if we stick together without workin' things out."

Gabriel leaned back, folded his arms over his chest and averted his gaze.

"Personally, I think you're talking quite big for a pothead. Where do you get those wild ideas and the cocky confidence to voice them, hm? Who gives you the right to interfere? To manipulate people and their life decisions? Do you really think I'd break up with the man I love just because you want it? That I dump him because he's broken but take him back when someone else fixed him for me? That's a very Marlon-way out, isn't it? Easy and without putting any effort into it."

"Don't twist my words, tiger; that ain't what I'm sayin'. I care a lot about every single one of ya — I want the best for ya. The problem is that y'all are blind to your issues; permanently runnin' against walls without guidance, ain't ya? Or why did y'all contacted me so often lately, eh? Ya want me to help, but don't want to face the problems. It ain't workin' like that, mate. If it would be a long-term relationship, including a stable and supportive environment, I'd say ya got that, tiger. But that ain't the case."

Marlon leaned over to his bed stand, opened the drawer and pulled out a spliff.

"I know my words hurt ya because you're in love. However, ya have to come to terms with your relationship bein' toxic and doomed to fail — and it already falls apart, ain't it? After freakin' two months, tiger. Two months. That's nothin'. Ya should be all lovey-dovey and cuddle and have sex around the clock. But here you are, depressed and frustrated, barely ever laid a finger on ya man but fuck with me instead. 

"Ya just discovered yer sexual orientation, lost yer home and the support of yer family, and got suspended. And now ya wanna tell me ya will successfully fix yer traumatised boyfriend  _ and  _ get yer own life back together?

"Wake up, Gabe and use yer brain's rational half. What I'm suggestin' here is nothin' but mere damage control. Neither you nor Ichiro can fix the other one's issues as long as you're unable to get yer own shit together. Keep it as it is and you'll face a nasty break-up that'll cause more harm than two broken hearts. 

"I ain't sayin' that ya can't be together. Personally, I'd love to see ya both happy together 'cause I think you and Ichi are a good match despite bein' different as day 'n night. However, ya better wait until you're ready for it."

Exhaling audibly, Gabriel rubbed his face. "What a pile of horseshit."

He slumped back down into the sheets, shoved his arm underneath his head and made Marlon sigh in response.

His friend slowly ran his fingers about Gabriel's well-toned muscles, locked eyes with him and took hold of his dick.

"Sculpted like a friggin' Greek god, ain't ya?"

He leaned down to lick across Gabriel's pecs. "Seriously, I lowkey get a boner whenever I look at ya; it's drivin' me crazy." 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=gabenakedao3fzkm0.jpg)

Lighting his spliff, Marlon shifted his position and aligned himself between Gabriel's legs to prop up his bum on his thighs. 

"I said no."

Marlon tilted his head, ran his hand over the swimmer's abs and trailed back down to his cock that already twitched in anticipation.

"Did ya mean it, or do ya just wanna gimme a wipe because I said things ya don't wanna hear?" 

Gabriel clicked his tongue, grabbed the lube from the bed stand and threw it against Marlon's chest.

"Listen, pothead, having sex with me doesn't give you the right to stick your nose into my business, got that? I make my own decisions, and I don't give a shit if you like it or not."

Spliff in the corner of his mouth and leisurely covering his dick in lube, Marlon shrugged his shoulders.

"Do whatever ya want, tiger, but don't come cryin' when everythin' is ruined. I won't help ya if ya keep fuckin' things up against ya better judgement. Cut it now and start fresh in the future or keep goin' and destroy it irrevocably — your choice." 

Marlon carefully slipped his finger into Gabriel's bottom, eliciting a barely audible moan from him. "However, I don't mind if ya cry for me instead 'cause I love hearin' ya mew, tiger." 

He winked, and Gabriel clenched his teeth while curling and stretching the fingers of his right hand. "You're really riling me up, Marlon."

Smirking, his friend pressed the tip of his tongue against his upper lip.

"Keep ya fist away from my face, tiger. We both know a better way to blow off steam." Flipping the spliff into the ashtray, Marlon pressed his erection between Gabriel's buns while simultaneously starting to jerk him off.

"Mmmh, shit... I really can't stand your freaking annoying ass," the swimmer hissed through his teeth and impatiently pressed against Marlon's dick that was about to enter him once more.

✵✵✵

"What, right away? We're back for barely ten minutes." Ichiro stared at his sister, his brow arched. 

She grinned toothily in response while rummaging through her drawers. 

"He asked if I want to come over later, and now  _ is  _ later, is it not?"

"Hardly. I get that you're excited, but give Daryl a second to breathe. Wait for an hour before you head over — they might not even be home yet. And what about dinner; will you be here?"

Rayne took off her shirt and tossed it to the ground. "When and what?"

Ichiro shook his head and watched how his sister grew impatient as her head got stuck in a sleeve as she overzealously worked through the fabric.

"Jesus Christ, how do you even get by, huh?" He navigated her to the neck-hole and patted her head. "Around nine, self-made ramen with chicken."

"Oooh, delicious! Count me in, mate!" She grinned anew, leaned forward and kissed Ichiro's nose. "I'm out then, nii-san! Love you!"

"You being in love is disgusting!" he yelled after her, shaking his head with a smile on his lips as he picked up her worn clothes.

"She's already heading out again?" Gabriel emerged from the hallway's shadows, leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms.

"Yes. Meets with Daryl."

Gabriel hummed in response and watched how his lover cleaned up Rayne's room.

"You should stop doing that, or Nina will be pissed again. She's not coming here to slack off, you know?"

Sighing, Ichiro threw the bulk of clothes onto his sister's bed and shifted his gaze to Gabriel. "I know. I just don't know what to do with myself right now."

Gabriel smiled, took a step forward and grabbed his lover's hand. "How about cuddling with your boyfriend?"

Frowning, Ichiro pursed his lips. "What? All of a sudden? The entire week, you've been dodging all my approaches."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But what happened last weekend was more than disturbing, and I couldn't shrug it off like it's nothing — unlike you."

Ichiro averted his gaze. "That's not... I didn't shrug it off, I just—"

"Yeah, I know. We'll talk about it if you're ready, right?"

His lover nodded meekly, and Gabriel pulled him close to embrace him from the back.

"Let's go upstairs. I also still owe you a report, and I want to hear yours as well."

Ichiro snuggled up close to Gabriel who peppered his entire head and face with sweet little kisses before he wrapped him into a tight embrace.

"You'll start."

"That's not fair, Mister Montgomery, you said, you owe me a report first."

"I lied. Spit it out now," Gabriel squeezed his lover gently "have you slept with Darius?"

Ichiro shook his head and buried his face in Gabriel's chest.

"You haven't? Okay... Hm. To be honest, I'm relieved but also curious about the reason. Didn't you have a good time?"

His lover slightly stiffened in his arms.

"W-well... We kissed and caressed each other, and I touched him; that was enough for me. Darius was sweet and gentle — I liked that I felt so comfortable." 

Ichiro's heart started to race as he recalled how Darius' soft and luscious lips languidly covered his mouth and neck with tender kisses. The way his tongue slowly glided along his throat and jaw, stopping here and there for yet another kiss. And the firm but gentle pressure as his friend buried his fingers in Ichiro's waist while breathing tender words into his ear. Their togetherness was an assemble of sweet little nothings yet had been so sensual and intense that, whenever Ichiro thought about it, a throbbing sensation settled down in his stomach.

Inhaling heavily, he scratched the back of his neck, shook off the thoughts and continued.

"I, um, don't know ... the sex probably would've been good, but ... well ... I think it would've ruined the moment, you know? Aside from that, Rayne and Daryl were back pretty early anyway."

"I see..." Gabriel bit his cheek and took a deep breath, as he had noticed a sudden shift in Ichiro's tone and immediate difference in body language. He couldn't help but feel like his lover wasn't honest. Although he believed him when he said they didn't sleep with each other, Ichiro's reasoning felt off and bothered him more than the idea of them having sex.

"A-anyway, uh, how was your night with Marlon?" Ichiro pulled back to look at him; the blithe expression on his beautiful face seemed put-on.

Gabriel averted his gaze as his jaw tensed for a brief moment, but quickly locked eyes with his lover again. "It was great. Strange at first, but Marlon knew what he had to do to make me feel relaxed. The sex was pretty good — oh, we did it again this morning, and he sucked me off as well. I thought you should know that since it's technically not what we'd agreed to."

"I— uh... Alright. Well..." Ichiro frowned, his expression puzzled.

"What?"

"You're so ... callous?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Gabriel arched a brow. "What do you want to hear? It was sex. It's not that I have any deeper feelings for him. It was good, that's it."

"Right... Did he—"

"I was the passive one, yes."

"Oh, okay. Did, uh... Did you like it?" Ichiro looked down to Gabriel's chest and started fiddling on his necklace's pendant, but the swimmer tipped up his chin to make him face him again.

"I enjoyed it a lot, yes. Does it bother you?"

"Well...," he sighed "yeah. Not that you've enjoyed it, but...  _ I  _ wanted to be the first one."

"Then, you shouldn't have talked me into having sex with another man, don't you think? Especially since Marlon's demeanour makes it pretty clear, even to me, that he always has the upper hand, no matter the situation. So, tell me why you agreed to it when you knew it could happen?"

"I... don't know." Ichiro clenched his teeth and averted his gaze.

"You don't know, huh? Happens rather often lately. Are you plain absentminded, or is this some form of self-destruction with collateral damage?"

His lovers breathing increased and he started to blink rapidly, obviously fighting tears. "I thought you wanted to cuddle with me; why are you so bitter, Gabriel? Have I done something wrong again? I'm sorry, I—" He firmly bit down on his lip, but a single tear spilt from his ice-blue eye nonetheless.

_ '...and it already falls apart, ain't it? After freakin' two months, tiger.' _

Sighing, Gabriel closed his eyes, reclined his head and pressed his lover close to his chest. "Please, stop crying, okay?"

He felt him nodding after heaving a deep breath. 

"I tell you something," gently pushing Ichiro back a little to lock eyes with him again, Gabriel continued. "This experiment was a mistake. Maybe open relationships and polyamory are worthwhile, I don't know; not yet. I just can say that I, at this point in my life, won't agree to it because I don't want to share you." He placed a kiss to his lover's forehead.

"Stop assuming that I can keep up with your experience, Ichi. The thought of you and Darius being all lovey-dovey alone is enough to drive me insane. I don't want it. I tried to accept it for your sake, but I simply can't, and I don't want you to make me do it against my will by making me feel miserable for putting you in a cage."

Swallowing, Ichiro wiped tears from his face and wetted his lips.

"A cage? You want us to be monogamous, then?"

The swimmer nodded and gently caressed his lover's cheek with the back of his hand.

"I can't stand the thought to share your heart. I want to be the only one who lives in there. "Gabriel gently tapped against Ichiro's chest. "I love you, and maybe it's selfish, but I want you all for myself." 

He leaned in, captured his lips in a tender kiss and pushed his knee between his lover's legs. "Sleep with me, Ichi. I want you to take me, okay?"

Ichiro felt a pang in his chest that made him tear up again. Quickly closing his eyes, he swallowed the lump in his throat, nodded, and returned the kiss.

✵✵✵

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=messengerchat22marlonlrkmf.jpg)

"Hey, gorgeous." Gabriel embraced him from behind and pressed him against the kitchen isle while covering his neck in sensual kisses. "Who did you chat with?"

The slow caresses of the swimmer's tongue made Ichiro stop chopping. Putting the knife aside, he closed his eyes, and a small sigh slipped from his lips as he inclined his head to relish the sensation. "With Marlon. I love when you do that, Gabriel."

"Let's do it again tonight," Gabriel purred in a low voice as his hand wandered underneath his lover's shirt.

"Suddenly insatiable, Mister Montgomery?" Ichiro teased him, but Gabriel didn't care, as it was the truth.

"I am. It was ineffable. So much better than with Marlon. I get hard again just thinking about it." He pressed his erection against his lover's backside to prove his statement.

Ichiro turned around in Gabriel's embrace to face him. His cheeks were flushed and his features adorned by a shy smile.

"Thank you for saying that. I actually was a bit concerned Marlon could've done something that I wouldn't be able to top."

Shaking his head, Gabriel gently caressed his lover's cheek. 

"He's good, but you're better. I love you, and that's why he can't top you. Also; your piercings." Gabriel narrowed his eyes and bit his lip.

Smirking, Ichiro leaned down and freed his lover's dick from his sweatpants to quickly suck on it. "Alright, tonight again, it is. I  _ love  _ to top you, Gabriel; it's absolutely fantastic, and I adore your expression when I make you cum." He placed a kiss on the tip. "But you know what? You made me love to get it from you as well, and I really want you to fill me right now, Mister Montgomery," he breathed and sucked his dick once more.

Biting his cheek, Gabriel gently pulled him up, embraced him again and kissed the top of his head.

He loved Ichiro; the sex today was phenomenal, and he couldn't wait to do it again — he was relieved that they were slowly getting back to normal. However, the past weekend put up a barrier he couldn't overcome.

"I can't." Fixing his pant's position, he shoved Ichiro back and smiled sadly at him. "I think you don't realise that— When you made me—" Gabriel swallowed and stared at his lover's rueful expression. 

"Gabriel, I didn't mean to—"

"But you did, Ichi, and you can't wipe the slate clean. You think that I'm strong. That I can endure a lot because I rarely talk about my feelings, but the truth is that I'm not. Mentally, I'm fragile, Ichi; much more than you think. You are the stronger one of us, and that's something you have to keep in mind when you brush over things because you think I can easily deal with them. Because I can't. This shit really gives me a hard time." He rubbed his jaw and exhaled audibly.

"I'm  _ so  _ glad that I had sex with Marlon because I was hesitant to even do it  _ that  _ way with you; that's how much you traumatised me. 

"Now I know, at least, that we can keep having sex in a way because I know for sure that I'll never be able to top you again. The thought alone makes me nauseous."

Ichiro's expression clouded over as he averted his gaze. "That means, I've ruined your head, our sex life, and we'll never be able to fully enjoy our relationship again. I ... basically destroyed everything."

Gabriel refrained from saying anything but pulled him back into his arms instead.

There it was again, this peculiar dull feeling, that had settled down in his stomach weeks ago, and slowly but steadily took over his entire body. Trying to ignore it, Gabriel pressed another kiss to his lover's head and squeezed him gently.

"I'm sorry for interrupting you. You can continue now, and I'll go and buy us some soft drinks for later, okay?"

Ichiro nodded and turned back to the cutting board. "Yeah... Okay... Bring my favourite, please."

Puzzled, Gabriel arched a brow.

"Ginger ale, Gabriel," Ichiro said calmly and smiled a sad smile.

"Well, how should I know? And I bet you don't know mine either." A lopsided grin on his lips, he rubbed the back of his neck, but Ichiro's expression turned even sadder.

_ "Dr. Pepper. Although  _ you mostly stick to still water because of your training's diet plan, you love  _ Dr. Pepper,"  _ his lover said in a small voice while concentrating back on the cutting board.

Looking bashfully to the ground, Gabriel raked a hand through his hair. "Oh... Okay. Ginger ale, then. Alright, I'll get going."

"Yeah, see you in a bit." Ichiro looked up, his gaze glued to his lover's broad shoulders until they vanished behind the closing front door.

Sighing, he put down the knife again, took a sip of his now cold tea and pulled out his phone once more.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=messengerchat22darius5fjow.jpg)

Another sad smile flitted across Ichiro's strained features as he forced himself to finish the dinner preparations. He started to hum the melody of one of his favourite songs as he desperately tried to ignore the numb feeling that slowly enveloped his heart.

✵✵✵

"Ah, fuck. How am I supposed to get this done when I can't see shit, dammit," Darius muttered as he wiped tears from his face for the umpteenth time. 

Frustrated, he chucked the bracelets, he was working on, onto the table and slumped back into his sofa cushion. He glanced over to his phone as his laptop's notification sound reverberated through the room. 

It was an empty email from Marlon, but with a file attached. After downloading it, he started laughing bitterly while more tears streamed down his face. "Fuck you, Marlon. Fuck everything. No reason to stay now, is there?" 

He set the picture as his new desktop wallpaper, grabbed his phone and dialled a number.

"Alessia, hey! How are you doing?"

_ "Darius! It's so nice to hear from you! I'm doin' fine, what about you? Does my brother behave?" _

He rubbed his face and smiled.

"I'm always fine, am I not? And Marlon always gives me a hard time, you know how it is."

The woman chuckled.

_ "True! So, how can I help you? You surely won't call without reason, aye?" _

"I'd never dare to bother you busy lot without a good reason." He glanced at his laptop and clenched his teeth as the wallpaper's beautiful face with the most precious smile made him tear up again. 

"It's about Fernanda's suggestion; the physiotherapy issue, if you remember. Are they nearby? I'd like to take the opportunity, but I should talk about a few things with them first."

The woman squealed happily.

_ "Honey? Fernanda! Quick!" _

Darius heard footsteps approach, and a low mumble rang out as they briefly talked. After some rustling sounds, someone started speaking.

_ "Darius, my precious bean! Do I have this right? You finally decided to work with me?" _

He smiled and shifted his gaze to the window.

"Fernanda, my love. Yeah, I think, I'm ready now — if you wanna have me, that is."

_ "Of course, dumbass! The UC accepted you anyway, right?" _

"Yeah, they did."

_ "Welp, are you ready, then? I mean, done with planning and stuff? Moving to Canberra is a big deal, and you won't have much time. The bachelor is a four-year full-time enrolment, and that starts in early February already." _

Darius let his gaze wander through his room and heaved a breath.

"Yep, don't worry, I'll be ready."

_ "Alright, boy, your room will be ready as well. Can't wait to work you to the bone!" _

They snickered, and Darius smiled in response.

"You're a monster, Nanda."

_ "Professor Morales from now on, hun." _

The sound of a smacking kiss reverberated through his ear.

"Naturally, Professor Morales. Thank you."

_ "Any time, dear! I'm glad you decided to take this step. I know you're kind as fuck, but you're also super smart, you know? You never should bury your dreams and let opportunities pass just because you feel obligated to take care of others. They'll do perfectly fine without you!" _

He sighed and rubbed his face.

"I know. Well, I needed a push, I guess. Thank your brother-in-law for that and—"

Darius swallowed the rest of the sentence and wetted his lips, unsure of what to say. 

However, luckily, Fernanda began to speak again.

_ "Anyway, It was the right decision! Let us know when you need help with the move!" _

"Sure thing. Again, thank you. Give Alessia a kiss from me. See you soon, professor."

_ "Will do! Take care, dear!" _

The phone still in hand, he covered his face with his forearm.

"Early February... Six fucking weeks left."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=laptopdariusao3znjmy.jpg)

He took a slow and deep breath, glanced at his laptop and flipped it shut with a bang.


	22. Underground Insights

"Nii-san, why do you always cook so much? It's super delicious, but I'm stuffed, and there's still so much left," Rayne lamented while carefully chafing her stomach.

Gabriel laughed and was about to say something as the ringing doorbell made him swallow his words. The three frowned in confusion and Rayne got up from her seat.

"It's past ten already," Ichiro stated, his eyes darting back and forth between his lover and his sister "has anyone announced to come over tonight? Daryl?"

"Sadly not. Could be Kim, though." Rayne walked over to the entrance and released a high-pitched ' _ Oh _ !' after she opened the door. "Dima, hi! What are you doing here? Come in!"

While Ichiro cursed his sister internally but carried it off well, Gabriel clicked his tongue, leaned back and folded his arms over his chest. "Yeah, right, hanging out with Dima is what I need tonight. Thanks for nothing, Rayne," he muttered while the crease between his brows deepened.

As Dmitrij's figure appeared in the archway, his bloodshot eyes immediately locked with Ichiro's. The Russian looked exhausted, had dark circles under his eyes and flushed cheeks — it was weird to see his naturally deathly-pale face tinged in red.

"I do not wish to disturb your evening — I merely wanted to provide a new bottle of eleuthero tincture for Mr St. James. Unfortunately, I could not manage to come over earlier today, my apologies." He placed the brown flask on the kitchen counter and instantly turned around again. Slightly staggering, he casually placed a hand at the archway. "I'll take my leave, then. Goodnight."

Ichiro rolled his eyes and sighed. "You look terrible, are you sick? Fever? Have you eaten already?"

When Dmitrij looked over his shoulder, the hint of a frown flitted across his sharp features before his expression turned back into his usual unreadable mask. "Do not concern yourself with my health, Mr St. James, and do not inconvenience yourself either — I will get something to eat on my way home."

Glancing at his lover, Gabriel sighed, stood up and walked over to the cupboards. "Sit down, Dima. Ichi cooked too much anyway."

He filled a bowl with ramen and chicken meat and handed it over to Rayne.

"Yeah, and we can't waste this awesome dish, you know? Before we have to trash it, you'll surely do us a favour and eat it, right?" Rayne asked as she placed Dmitrij's share in front of him.

"See it as a way to pay you back for the tincture. I don't like being indebted to anyone." Ichiro kept his eyes on Dmitrij, who clenched his teeth but finally sat down. "You have my thanks." 

As the men continued eating, Rayne struggled to ignore the uncomfortable silence. Pretending scrolling through her phone, she watched how everyone's eyes were glued to their bowls, except for Dmitrij's, who briefly glanced at her brother several times. 

"Do you like Ichi's cooking?"

Chewing, Dmitrij lowered his chopsticks while fixing his gaze on Rayne, but swallowed before he responded. 

"I do. It is delicious." His eyes darted over to Ichiro "I did know that you like to cook, but I was not aware that you are this experienced, Mr St. James."

"Well... there's a lot you don't know about me, Dmitrij."

Ichiro narrowed his eyes and sneered at him before he continued to eat.

It became quiet again, and Rayne curled her lips in frustration. Tapping her nose, she looked back at Dmitrij.

"Say... We know so little about you, even though you're already working for more than a year with mum. How do you live? What do you do in your free time? Do you have a girlfriend?"

Clenching his teeth, the Russian stopped eating once more and smiled faintly at Rayne. "Your mother knows the answers to all these rather personal questions, Miss Rayne."

"Oh, come on, be a sport, Dima, and tell us at least if you have a girl on your side."

Gabriel looked up from his plate and glared at his best friend, but Rayne ignored him and kept grinning at Dmitrij, who wiped his lips with a napkin.

"I do not have a girlfriend, Miss Rayne."

"Hm... Aren't you too handsome to be single? Perhaps a boyfriend, then?" she asked teasingly, causing Ichiro to cringe and joining Gabriel in glaring at her.

"It's enough, tamanegi."

Rayne rolled her eyes and pouted. "Killjoys, all of you."

"Usually, I do not see men in that light."

All eyes darted over to Dmitrij, whose gaze was still fixed on Rayne.

"Err... Usually? That's a weird way of phrasing it."

"It is not. Although it only happened once, exceptions confirm the rule as we know."

"Huh." Deep in thought, Rayne frowned. "Everyone around me is kinda gay; weird shit. Anyway! What happened? Did he break your heart? Or is it something like unrequited love?" Rayne scooted forward to the edge of her seat; however, Dmitrij dodged her questions by standing up and addressing Ichiro instead.

"I thank you for your invitation, Mr St. James, but I think I have overstayed my welcome. I will take my leave now."

Ichiro nodded curtly, his brows knit and his expression a mix of confusion and disbelief. He watched how Dmitrij tried to conceal his swaying by lightly pressing his index finger onto the table to steady himself. Gabriel seemed to notice it as well, as he addressed the Russian immediately.

"Dima, you look like you'll collapse any moment; are you sure you can drive? We can call a taxi." He reached for his phone, but Dmitrij waved his hand dismissively.

"There is no need for that. Besides, I need my car in the early morning."

"You won't need your car anymore when you wrap yourself around the next tree on your way home.

"How about I drive you home in your car, and Rayne follo—"

"I said, there is no need for that, Gabriel. Thank you," Dmitrij cut him off sharply.

"Indeed, there's no need for that," Ichiro recited while getting up from his seat. "He's an adult, so I'm sure he's aware that some actions might have severe and devastating consequences, isn't that right, Dmitrij?"

He walked around the table, stopped in front of the Russian and glared at him.

"Risking other people's lives by being selfish and reckless sounds good to you, I take it? Shall I see you out, then?"

"Mr St. James, I—"

Dmitrij quickly reached backwards and pressed his hand against the wall, swallowing his words while desperately trying to keep his balance. Cold sweat ran down his temple, and his breath was laboured.

Clenching his teeth, Ichiro took a deep breath and shifted his gaze to Gabriel.

"I'll drive him home. Keep your phone next to you, I'll call you later, so you can pick me up."

"But I can follow you right away."

From the corner of his eye, Ichiro saw the Russian tense up."

"No. Wait for my call, please. Dima looks like he's about to die, and I'm sure he won't even be able to cook instant noodles in his current state. If he has ingredients at home, I'll prepare a soup or something that'll last for a few days before I leave. That might take a while."

Gabriel watched the Russian for a moment, then nodded hesitantly.

"You'll call me immediately, okay?"

"Of course." He turned to Dmitrij and extended a hand. "Give me your car key and don't even try to argue with me."

Weakly, Dmitrij shoved a hand into his pocket and feebly fished for his key ring to hand it over. Wearing a pissed-off expression, Ichiro slipped an arm around the Russian's waist to support him on their way out. 

After fastening Dmitrij's seatbelt, Ichiro tapped the symbol the GPS marked as home location and started the dark-blue Bentley's engine.

While navigating through Melbourne's traffic, he occasionally glanced to the passenger seat, his brows tightly knit the whole time. Dmitrij had passed out the moment he sat down and hasn't had opened his eyes since. Although he despised him, Ichiro couldn't help but start to worry, as the initially vague scent of copper became more and more prominent.

Less than thirty minutes of travel later, he pulled up in front of a bookshop at Brunswick Street in Fitzroy, one of Melbourne's former industrial areas. After getting out of the car, he let his gaze wander about the street. A lot of the vacant shops were covered in graffiti; even the one next to the bookshop. The front of the building's ground level was dark-blue with a big shopping window, and the second story's facade was entirely made of red brick. It looked like a rental flat and Ichiro assumed it must be the Russian's home. Frowning, he looked at the unconscious man and cursed internally — getting him upstairs would be a hassle.

He opened the passenger site's door and gruffly shook Dmitrij's shoulder.

"Hey, bastard, wake up; we're there."

After making a weird croaking sound, Dmitrij coughed. He tensed up, and his eyelids started to flutter before he locked his unsteady gaze on Ichiro.

"There we go. Listen, you're tall and heavy, and I have to get you upstairs — do your best to help me manage that, alright?"

The Russian nodded dazedly and slowly got out of his seat. Ichiro quickly supported him again and together, they staggered to the entrance and climbed the steps afterwards after a fashion. 

"Jesus Christ, this is a fucking nightmare," Ichiro murmured while catching his breath after he had brusquely pushed Dmitrij onto his bed. 

Curiously, he looked around to examine the apartment that seemed so strange and out of place in comparison to the exterior view. All walls' bottom halves were panelled with dark-brown wood; the upper halves covered in aesthetic wallpapers of dark-red, dark-blue or dark-green, depending on the room. 

The furnishing was old-fashioned and elegant and reminded Ichiro a lot of Darius' room, especially Dmitrij's living room. He fully opened the leaf door that connected bed- and living room and stepped inside to take a better look. Two entire walls were covered by floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, which were stuffed with books and nothing else. 

There was no TV and not even a couch or a coffee table; just two dark-brown leather armchairs and a side table in front of an electric fireplace. 

Ichiro was reminded of a scene from a Muppets Christmas movie, where the pitiful Ebenezer Scrooge had a similar interior — he couldn't help but huff in amusement at the similarities. 

His gaze wandered to the expensive-looking hi-fi system that stood between the two small windows. A leather-covered box with classical records stood beneath it and looked as if it was used frequently. 

Prints of Monet and van Gogh paintings adorned the walls, which elicited a lopsided grin from Ichiro. "Ah, yes, of course, we admire the same painters; what else, asshole," he muttered as he stared at the golden-framed  _ 'The Starry Night' _ . 

It was his favourite painting and Vincent van Gogh the reason why he became interested in art. Becoming an artist was his dream since his early teenage years, yet he hadn't done anything to achieve it lately. He was running away and couldn't even tell why. Frustration welled up inside him as he thought of the university letter that rested in his desk's drawer for about two weeks now; still unopened. 

He quickly turned away from the painting and focused his gaze on a beautifully ornamented drinking cabinet that stood opposite the fireplace. It was filled with several bottles of wine and single malt, and an elegant set of whiskey glasses and a decanter stood on the narrow counter. 

A wooden-bordered, illuminated display cabinet full of expensive-looking wristwatches stood next to it, completed the room's interior and made Ichiro grimace. He hated to admit it, but Dmitrij had great taste and an eye for simple yet elegant beauty — his apartment looked fantastic.

He was about to head to the kitchen to check for ingredients as the Russian called for him in a weak voice. Rolling his eyes, he went back and leaned against the leaf door. "What? Want to make demands?"

"Mr St James—," groaning, he quickly shifted his weight and hissed something in his mother tongue through his teeth. "I am deeply sorry for ordering you around, but could you," he pointed at the commode at the opposite wall, "hand me my first-aid kit, please? It is in the upper left drawer." 

Slumping back into the sheets, he groaned anew and pressed a hand against his side.

"So, you are __ injured after all, hm?" Ichiro fetched the medical kit and sat down next to his tormentor. "Tell me why I should help you."

"You shouldn't." Dmitrij's weak hand reached for the box, but Ichiro quickly put it out of reach.

Exhausted, the Russian sank back into his bedding, his clothes dishevelled. Ichiro noticed that his black jacket looked wet on one side and the shirt underneath was cut. He reached for it, ran his fingertips over the fabric and frowned at the red stain afterwards.

"Man, is this a bad joke?" Exhaling audibly, he changed his position and started to undo the buttons. "Get up, or I can't undress you."

Dmitrij did as he was told to without complaining and undressed with Ichiro's help until only his boxer briefs were left. 

"Now I understand why you wore a jacket despite twenty-five degrees outdoor temperature. What the fuck happened to you?" Ichiro muttered while trying to ignore the soaked bandages and the blood that was smeared all over the tall man's torso. "You should go to a hospital."

"No! I cannot do that. You can just leave, Mr St. James. I am grateful for your help until now, but I will take care of it myself." 

"Yeah, sure. You already lost consciousness once; when you die, I'll get accused of denial of assistance or whatever. No, thanks."

"That happened due to my anaemia and hypotension. It does not go well with the blood loss. This is only a laceration," Dmitrij pointed at the bloody bandage "it is deep, but not life-threatening."

"Anaemic, huh? Well, that explains your generally unhealthy-looking complexion, at least."

Swallowing in discomfort, he reached for the medical kit, which was obviously desperately needed. 

After cutting and removing the old bandage, Ichiro gave Dima a once-over, knitting his brows in displeasure. His lean body had the typical well-toned 'yoga physique', similar to his own — and he hated that it looked good. 

As his eyes darted to the blood-gushing slash wound on the tall man's left side, he grimaced. The arched gash reached from his chest down to his pelvic bone, and although it didn't seem to be a life-threatening injury, it was deep enough to cause a lot of blood loss. 

He grabbed a bottle of iodine, but immediately let go of it again. 

"Wait, we need to clean it first. Where do you have towels that I can use?"

Dmitrij gestured with his chin to a door on the right. "Bathroom. Take any, and as much as you need, I do not care."

A short while later, Ichiro was washing the blood off of Dmitrij's body, and not exactly carefully, as the man was permanently hissing, squirming and groaning under his touch. 

"What? You haven't thought I'd be gentle, have you?" He gave him another once-over and scoffed. "Funny, this is the first time I'm seeing you naked; more or less. When you raped me, you stayed fully clothed." 

He offered the Russian a simper and started rummaging through the first-aid kit. "Alright... someone attacked you with a knife."

Dmitrij heaved a laboured breath and nodded. "Yes."

"Give me a second." Ichiro fished his phone from his pocket and typed something in the browser's search engine.

"When did it happen? Apparently, we can only staple it when it wasn't too long ago, or we'll risk a bacterial infection."

"About an hour before I arrived at your house, Mr St. James."

"Well then," he shrugged his shoulders as he reached for a pack of butterfly closure, "that'll probably make a huge scar anyway, but when I look at the rest of your body, it doesn't seem to matter."

He let his gaze wander about several scars on Dmitrij's torso. "Are those all caused by knives?"

Dmitrij shook his head, feebly reached for a star-shaped scar on his abdomen and traced it with his fingertip. "This one is a bullet wound. It was almost fatal, but for some reason, I always managed to cheat death up until now."

"A real pity."

Locking his gaze with Ichiro's, the Russian smiled faintly.

"I am sorry for still being alive, Mr St. James."

"Yeah, right, choke on those words, dearest." Narrowing his eyes, he reciprocated the smile and began to staple the wound.

The pack of butterfly closure was almost used up as Ichiro started to wrap Dmitrij's entire torso with a clean gauze bandage. The Russian had to sit up and tried hard to stay perfectly still but started swaying at one point, causing their noses to brush together. He jerked back and immediately heaved a sharp breath at the pain that shot through his body.

"My apologies, Mr St. James. Such was not my intention."

"Your damn curtesy riles me up, Dmitrij. Just — don't. Lay down, and tell me if you have enough ingredients for a decent soup."

Ichiro stood up and stored the medical kit back in the drawer.

"I should have, yes, but I do not want you to cook for me. I can do that myself after I have slept a little bit."

Exhaling audibly, Ichiro rolled his eyes, went to the kitchen, and — 

after examining the fridge, freezer and the larder — cooked a big pot of vegetable soup with chicken. 

While it was simmering, he checked Dmitrij's bookshelves in the meantime, flicking through some quite old-looking exemplars with German titles.

"Du sprichst Deutsch?" he asked a little louder while turning his head towards the bedroom. (You speak German?)

"Ja. Meine Urgroßeltern mütterlicherseits waren Russlanddeutsche. Niemand in meiner Familie spricht mehr Deutsch, aber ich wollte die Sprache dennoch lernen, als Zeichen des Respekts." (Yes. My great-grandparents were Russia Germans. None of my family speaks German anymore, but I wanted to learn the language anyway as a sign of respect.)

Ichiro walked over to the leaf door, leaned against the wooden frame, and watched the Russian quietly for a brief moment.

"Also sprichst du Russisch, Englisch, Japanisch und Deutsch." (So, you speak Russian, English, Japanese and German.)

"Y español." (And Spanish.)

Ichiro pursed his lips. "Gifted child, hm?"

"No, just as ambitious and inquisitive as you, Mr St. James." He tilted his head. "Why have you decided to learn German?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Ichiro averted his gaze.

"No deeper meaning." He started walking back into the living room. "Get up and come to the kitchen, your soup should be ready at any moment."

"Mr St. James — why are you doing this for me?"

Ichiro turned around the moment Dmitrij appeared in the doorframe. Rolling his tongue around in his mouth, he watched the injured man. The Russian didn't look dangerous anymore but left a pitiful impression instead. Placing a hand against the wall in a weakly way, he steadied himself and fixed his gaze on Ichiro. There was genuine curiosity in his eyes, and Ichiro decided to not dodge the question with a sassy remark but to answer it earnestly.

"Because that's my nature, Dmitrij. I help people in need; even if they're pathetic pieces of shit. I couldn't live with myself if I knew I could've made a difference for the better but chose to ignore it. That, and I simply treat people the way I want to be treated. Perhaps, you should try that as well for a change. And now hurry." Gritting his teeth, Ichiro briskly crossed the room and vanished in the hallway.

Arms and legs crossed, Ichiro leaned against the kitchen counter and scrolled through his phone while Dmitrij ate the soup. 

After a few minutes of complete silence, his deep and rich voice pulled Ichiro's attention back to him.

"I appreciate that you have not asked further questions, Mr St. James."

Ichiro arched a brow and fixed his gaze on Dmitrij.

"Don't get the wrong idea; that wasn't out of consideration but because I don't give a shit," he sneered and looked back at his phone.

"Yes, I am aware of that."

The trembling in Dmitrij's voice made Ichiro look back at him again. Puzzled, he knit his brows as he noticed the tears that streamed down the Russian's cheeks.

"Oh, come on, did I hurt your feelings? As if you'd even have any..."

Dmitrij locked eyes with him and smiled faintly.

"They killed my family, Mr St. James."

Ichiro arched a brow and shifted his weight on his left leg. "Excuse me? What are you talking about?" He put his phone aside and tilted his head.

More tears streamed down the pale face in front of him that didn't avert his gaze but watched him calmly.

"I am part of the Bratva, Mr St. James; not an insignificant one. I came to Australia to establish a new trading base for one of our most important sources of income."

Grimacing in confusion, Ichiro lifted his hands and waved dismissively.

"Wait — this comes out of nowhere. Mafia? Family killed? What? Are you kidding me?"

Dmitrij shook his head and shoved the bowl with soup aside.

Ichiro snorted derisively and glared at him.

"What the hell, man? If this ridiculous nonsense is true — why are you even telling me, you bastard? As if it's not potentially dangerous for me to possess information about the Russian mafia — are you insane?!"

"No one will harm you, as no one knows about you, and I do not wish to change that. You are safe because you are my secret, Mr St. James."

Ichiro scowled at him and gritted his teeth. "Oh, how reassuring! Thank you so much, Dima! Of course, I'll totally rely on my rapist's word! 

Sighing, he rubbed his face. "I should go to the police, you damn asshole," he muttered and fixed his gaze back at him.

Dmitrij folded his hands on the table and nodded. "It is in your option."

Gritting his teeth, Ichiro walked up to him and leaned down until they were on eye level. "No, it's not, and you're fully aware of it. If I go to the police, and they start investigating your questionable background, I'll have to answer questions. That means, your lovely comrades will set their eyes on me immediately," he whispered and straightened up again. "First, you've raped me, and threatened the lives of my family members, and now, you're purposefully endangering my life — for what, to tell a story? What the hell is wrong with you?! Why me? What have I ever done to you? Fucking hell, I'm such an idiot!" 

Angrily wiping a glass off of the counter, Ichiro turned to leave the kitchen.

"Bratva... Who the hell is taking the piss out of me here? What is this, the parody of a bad Hollywood movie?" he shouted and ruffled his hair as he furiously paced through the living room.

Dmitrij joined him and carefully sat down in one of the armchairs.

Ichiro shot him a scornful glance as he walked over to the window. Leaning against the sill, he stared into the night and silence settled down between the two men. Only the faint ticking sounds of Dmitrij's wristwatches had filled the air until he suddenly began to speak.

"Drug business; that is why I am here for, and that is the reason why other mafia families rival with us."

Crossing his arms, Ichiro briefly glanced at him.

"Drugs. Of course. What else? Probably the one you put into my beer."

Dmitrij locked eyes with him.

"Amongst other things, yes."

Ichiro turned away in repugnance.

"Gosh, you really disgust me, I hate you so much."

Dmitrij's gaze dropped down to his lap. He stared at his hands as he continued.

"Although I only came here one year ago, I quickly established the Bratva's business and gained a lot of control. Enough to secure a multi-million-dollar transaction. Unfortunately, this exact same arrangement was practically home and hosed for a different organisation. The client changed his mind last minute because I was a more suitable business partner in the end. I did not know of their previous agreement; otherwise, I would have withdrawn, as I do not interfere with other organisation's business."

Groaning, Ichiro rubbed his temples. "I haven't asked for any information, goddammit! I don't care about you, Dima! Not after what you've done to me!"

Dmitrij looked at him and tilted his head. "Then, why are you still here, Mr St. James?"

Ichiro swallowed and turned his back on him. He didn't have an answer to Dmitrij's question, and that filled him with even more anger and frustration.

The Russian's warm voice filled the room anew as he continued to speak.

"However, because of me, the said organisation lost a lot of money, felt provoked and set a warning example, which resulted in—" Dmitrij's voice broke. He swallowed and heaved a deep breath. "I received a call today, from a compeer in Moscow. They found my mother, my sister, and her husband; executed."

"...what?" Ichiro whispered while turning back around. His eyes darted to Dmitrij, but the Russian ignored him.

"They tried to save their unborn child, but—" he choked "Olesja was dead for too long already — my niece died in her womb. She would have been born in March." 

Choking, as his stomach's contents crawled up to his throat, Ichiro kept watching Dmitrij, who absentmindedly stared at the bookshelf while letting his tears flow.

"Nine times out of ten, I keep my hands clean, Mr St. James. This time, I have lost my composure. I confronted a lowlife of that organisation and left with this little keepsake in the end." he gestured to the slash, closed his eyes and sank back into the chair.

Ichiro slowly walked over to the empty armchair and slumped down. His heart raced, and he felt nauseous. Wiping tears from his face, he swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat. Shock and numbness were fighting in his body, causing heavy and sudden dizziness that dragged him down into a new dark hole his mind was opening for him. 

What he just heard felt unreal; like the script of a drama. Innocent people, an unborn baby, had to die because Dmitrij was part of the mafia. Because of his questionable life choices, an entire family had been wiped out. The whole scenario felt alien to Ichiro, and he had a hard time to comprehend. 

But this wasn't a movie; this was real. 

Whenever he had to deal with the Russian, he was perfectly composed and, aside from his signature simper, void of emotions. Seeing him like this, showing vulnerability, and openly mourning, was evidence enough that he told the truth. Dmitrij deserved the pain he felt right now, but his family didn't deserve any of this.

However, the sympathy and commiseration Ichiro felt for the man's relatives didn't outweigh the anger that welled up in him. He turned to him, glaring through his tears as he plunged his nails into the leather armrest.

"How dare you burdening me with this tragedy — don't you think you've already hurt me enough? You could've said anything, could've told me a simple lie, whatever! But no, you deliberately chose to worsen the trauma you've already caused, didn't you?"

Dmitrij opened his eyes and stared at him. As pale as he was and with those bloodshot and teary eyes, he looked rather pitiful. His gaze wandered about Ichiro's cheeks, noticing the tears he had shed. His features softened even more, and more tears spilt from his own eyes as he shook his head.

"I did not. I am sorry, Mr St. James. I ... I just," he swallowed and knit his brows "I do not know what to do, and ... you are the only— I am alone. My family is gone. I— I feel so lonely right now." He closed his eyes again and leaned back. "I am terribly sorry that I have burdened you with my problems, Mr St. James. I simply am overwhelmed and cannot think straight. I have never felt this way before and do not know how to handle this situation. The pain in my heart is much worse than that of the slash wound."

"As if someone like you would have a heart..." Ichiro whispered and turned away from him. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared out the window as he addressed Dmitrij anew.

"Why did you come to my place today, and even stayed for dinner; with a fucking bleeding injury? You just had received news of your family and had been stabbed, and decided it was a good idea to stop by? The damn eleuthero sure wasn't the real reason, right? What are you scheming?"

"I do not scheme anything. The tincture was in my car, as I had planned to stop by in the morning already. I said I would bring it on Sunday, and today is Sunday. I keep my words."

Ichiro exhaled audibly and rubbed his face. "This is so grotesque and absurd, I'm losing my mind. Why the hell did you stay for dinner? You could've just left."

Dmitrij slumped forward in his chair and buried his face in his hands.

"As I wanted to until you have invited me to stay."

"Yeah, good guy Dmitrij, huh?"

Slowly getting up from his seat, Ichiro walked over to him and squatted down. 

"I hope your pain will consume you. I wish it eats you up from the inside and kills you just as much as you've destroyed me. Your family has my sympathy, but for you, I hold nothing but hatred."

Dmitrij glanced up and locked eyes with him. A defeated smile flitted across his strained features before he bent forwards to graze Ichiro's lips with a delicate kiss. 

Immediately, he pushed against Dmitrij's shoulders and glared at him. "Do you have a fucking death wish? Do that again, and I take a knife, ram it into your damn wound and twist it until your freaking intestines come out," he hissed through his teeth. 

The Russian swallowed as he slowly reached for Ichiro's face to gently brush his knuckles over his cheek. "Whatever you want to do to me, Mr St. James, I do not mind as long as it is your lovely face that I see last," he breathed while cupping Ichiro's cheek.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dimaichikissao3maj87.jpg)

"I— I don't understand what's happening..." he whispered as Dmitrij leaned in again to tenderly press their lips together once more. 

Ichiro stiffened for a brief moment as a small sigh slipped from his lips before he melted into the kiss.

✵✵✵

Gabriel glanced at the wall clock as he dried the last plate to put it into the cabinet. Rayne heaved a sigh, jumped off of her seat and walked over to him. Hugging him from behind, she reassuringly caressed his stomach.

"Don't worry about him. He said he calls you as soon as he's done."

"He left three hours ago, Rayne, and you think that's nothing to worry about? What when Dima pulled some shit?"

She turned her best friend around to make sure he saw her rolling her eyes. "First of all, he's sick and looked absolutely awful before. It wouldn't surprise me if he even couldn't go to take a shit on his own. Secondly; why would he? He works for my mum and would lose his job instantly. You and I know that Ichi is with him, so, if my brother gets harmed, we'd know immediately it was Dima, and he'd have to face serious consequences."

"That's only reassuring if he's someone who fears consequences, you goose."

"Hey!" Rayne slapped his arm and leaned against the counter. She watched him quietly for a brief moment before she addressed him anew.

"Say, is everything alright between you and my brother? We haven't had the chance to talk much lately, and ... dunno ... something feels off. Ichi talks a lot with me, but barely about himself, so I actually have no idea what's going on."

Gabriel ignored the pang in his chest and smiled at her. "Don't worry about us and enjoy being all lovey-dovey with Daryl — are you happy?"

"I am!" Rayne beamed at him, unaware of how he skillfully dodged the question and changed the topic. "He's wonderful and so sweet! You'd never think that he's so attentive and well-mannered and—" sighing, she pressed her hands against her chest and smiled. "I really like him a lot."

Gabriel's expression softened as he reached for Rayne's head to stroke her hair. "Yeah, the Nowak brothers are great guys — and will make good husbands," he teased and instantly earned another eye-rolling.

"Shut up, Gabe, I hate you."

Laughing, he reached for his phone to check it for messages as it started ringing in his hand.

"It's Ichi" He swiped over the display and answered the call. 

"Hey, are you alright? Is everything okay?" 

_ "Yeah... I'm fine. I'm in Fitzroy, by the way — you can pick me up at  _ **_ Hinoki _ ** _." _

Gabriel frowned. "What are you doing at a sushi bar? Does Dima live there?"

_ "No. I left his place a while ago already and took a stroll — did you know that Hinoki isn't only a sushi bar but has a Japanese supermarket as well? We should visit it after Christmas. Oh, and I passed an amazing-looking bar at Brunswick street that we totally should check out." _

"Uh, yeah, okay. Well, you stay at Hinoki now? Can I finally come and pick you up?"

_ "Yes. I got myself some snacks at the gas station before and will stuff my face while waiting for you." _

"Alright, I'm on my way. Don't move." 

Ending the call, he looked at Rayne. "He sounds normal but ..." Frowning, he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as he dismissed the thought."

"You worry too much, Gabe. If he sounds alright, I'm sure he is."

"Man, I'd sacrifice a lot for your easy-going mind. Wanna join me picking him up?"

She waved her hand in refusal. "Naaah, absolutely not. I'll go to bed. It's super late, and I'm tired. Didn't get much sleep last night." Her cheeks turned bright pink and made Gabriel grin. "I see..."

"Shut your mouth, Montgomery!" She slapped his arm again and stuck out her tongue.

Laughing, Gabriel winked at her and grabbed his keys. "Sleep well, then."

"Mhm... We should talk about Marlon when I wake up. I saw his hand, you know?" She arched a brow and stretched her body.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Rayne grinned. "Suuure... Liar. Get lost now." 

Gabriel smirked, shook his head while glancing at her and left the kitchen.


	23. Life is a Bitch

"I have no idea how long it'll take, so, don't wait for me, okay?" Gabriel breathed before his lips captured Ichiro's once more while pressing him against the front door.

"Don't worry about me; I wanted to go shopping anyway. Just make sure to do your best, and stay cool if Swanson blames you for the suspension, alright? Arguing won't help you at all. Accept what he has to say, and then, you'll blow him away with swimming a spectacular time."

Gabriel smiled and caressed his cheek. "You're so sweet." He kissed him anew. "Won't be easy to get a good time, though. My training the past weeks was nothing compared to what the coach usually pushes us through."

Shrugging his shoulders, Ichiro stepped aside and opened the door.

"Well, at least, you're alone today, which means, if you embarrass yourself, Swanson is the only witness."

Laughing, Gabriel gently punched his lover's bicep and stepped outside.

"See you in the afternoon."

"Goodspeed, Mister Montgomery."

While closing the door, Ichiro heard the faint sound of _Akira Yamaoka's Promise Reprise_ ringing from the kitchen. Frowning, he quickly crossed the hallway. "Who the hell calls me this early?" 

"It's Mrs Gainsborough," Nina said while handing him the phone.

Ichiro smiled at her and answered the call.

"Hey Claire, what can I do for you?"

_"Ichi, my dear, you'll have to do me a big favour, I'm afraid."_

Her voice sounded guilty and made Ichiro frown immediately.

"Did something happen? Are you and dad alright?"

_"What? Oh, yes, of course! Don't worry about us! The thing is that we had to change our flight and will arrive pretty late this evening."_

Ichiro inhaled sharply. "What's with the party preparations? Can we manage that in time?"

_"Yes, because we split tasks. I already called your sister and let her know that she'll have to take care of the organisation. Luckily, Rayne has a knack for things like that, so, child's play! Nina will fetch our orders, and you'll have to go shopping for me."_

"Yeah, I wondered why she's here today — you know that her relatives from Portugal are visiting over the holidays?"

_"Hey, are you calling me out for making her work on her day off? I'll have you know that she was the one who suggested it!"_

Smirking, Ichiro shook his head.

I know. Nina told me as much. Anyway, what do you need me to buy?"

_"Presents for Dima."_

Ichiro's heart sank to the pit of his stomach.

"Dima will be here tomorrow?"

_"Of course! He's a dear friend and couldn't attend last year because he had business overseas. The poor man had to spend his birthday all by himself!"_

"His birthday?" Puzzled, Ichiro exchanged glances with Nina, who grimaced in response.

_"Yes, Dima is born on Christmas eve, isn't that lovely? That's why I need two presents! One for his birthday and one for Christmas. Could you do that, hun?"_

Sighing quietly, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Naturally. Can you tell me what Dmitrij likes? That'll make it easier to find something suitable."

 _"You are a gem, my dear, thank you! Dima likes antiques, old books, um..."_ She paused for a moment _"Oh! He's also the museum-type of guy and likes art and things like that. Theatre, ballet and operas as well! Basically, all those elegant, expensive, distinguished gentleman things — maybe you could get some tickets for a performance. And since we talk about expensive; take one of my credit cards for his presents. There's a bunch in my nightstand."_

Frowning, Ichiro suppressed his laughter.

"Yeah, that's exactly where I'd keep them as well. Alright, I see what I can do. In any case, Dmitrij will have something to unpack in the end; I'll make sure of it."

_"Thank you so much, my love! I have to hurry now, the break is almost over."_

"Alright, Claire. See you in the evening."

_"Yes, see you later, love you!"_

Heaving a long sigh, Ichiro slouched forwards, placed his head on the counter and shoved his phone away.

"Ah, meu querido; buying presents for that man sure must irk you," Nina stated and gently stroked his head.

He looked up and locked eyes with her.

"Well, yeah, it's not exactly how I wanted to spend the day, but whatever," he shrugged his shoulders "it has to be done. I'll make sure to get something nice, so Claire doesn't have to feel embarrassed when Dima opens his presents."

Nina smiled and gently squeezed his hand. "You are a very kind young man, meu querido."

"Oh, Nina, I'm not kind but stupid, trust me."

Laughing, she got up from her seat, walked over to him and spread her arms. "Come here."

Ichiro hugged her tightly and closed his eyes. He sighed as the warmth of her body seeped into his bones. It felt good to be held by her. Nina quickly became someone special to him, as she treated him from the start as a family member. Lately, she often said he reminded her of her grandson, who studied abroad, and whom she missed dearly. Ichiro didn't mind to be some kind of replacement for _Carlitos,_ as he was benefitting from it as well. 

Claire and Richard were more out of town than at home, Gabriel had his training and surely would fix his family issue soon, and now, Rayne had a boyfriend as well. All of them had their heads stuffed with important things — there was no room for him. 

That's why Ichiro often felt lonely despite being amidst many people who genuinely liked and cared about him because all of them had their own issues to take care of. They apologised for their physical absence, but that wasn't even what Ichiro meant when he said he'd miss them.

Nina stopped by every day, and although she came for work, she always stayed longer than necessary. She took the time to chat with him over a cup of tea and made sure to replace a bit of the cold void in Ichiro with warmth. Because that was why he felt lonely. It was his mind that desperately needed company — and Nina seemed to be the only one who realised that.

And maybe that was why he let the kiss happen. Because seeing that his tormentor also was nothing but a lonely and hurt, void-holding shell, formed an absurd connection. And after hearing this one specific sentence, Ichiro realised that he had power over him.

_'Whatever you want to do to me, Mr St. James, I do not mind as long as it is your lovely face that I see last.'_

In his grief over his beloved family, Dmitrij showed himself vulnerable and gave his last remaining weak point away.

Right after the kiss, Dima had gently shoved him away and begged him to leave, saying, he didn't want that to happen, as he didn't want him to suffer anymore. 

Unfortunately, the kiss hadn't felt bad; just weird, but Ichiro had left quietly nonetheless without exchanging another word or glance with Dmitrij. After that, he was agitated and wandered the streets for a while to calm down and clear his head. Gabriel said nothing as he picked him up, but Ichiro knew he suspected something.

Recalling yesterday's events made him heave a deep breath and squeeze Nina even more. She softly started mumbling something in Portuguese while stroking his back, and Ichiro pressed his forehead against her shoulder.

"I did something stupid yesterday."

"Hmm... On a scale from one to ten, how stupid was it?"

"Twenty-five."

Nina cackled and cleared her throat.

"Well, how did you feel when you did it?"

Ichiro knit his brows and thought about it for a moment.

"Actually, as if I regained a small bit of control over something."

"Regained? So, you've lost control at one point?"

"A while ago, yes. Someone ripped it off of me."

"Then, it is a good thing that you are regaining it, isn't it?"

Ichiro inhaled sharply. "Yeah, I guess..." 

They smiled at each other and hugged once more.

"If you get ready quickly, I can drop you off wherever you want to shop, meu querido."

"You're the sweetest, Nina. Alright, I'll be right back."

✵✵✵

"That's odd," Swanson murmured as he looked at his stopwatch.

Gabriel climbed out of the water, took off his goggles and walked over to him. He knit his brows at Swanson's frown and crossed his arms.

"That bad, huh?"

His coach lifted his head and watched him for a moment.

"And you only trained by yourself in a public bath?"

Nodding, Gabriel arched a brow. "Why do you ask?"

Swanson turned the stopwatch around and showed it to Gabriel.

"Because it's better than the time I've stopped before suspending you."

"Huh."

"You're a monster, Gabe. This is incredible." He firmly patted Gabriel's shoulder and smirked. "Continue like this, and the tournament is yours. But first, sort it out with Raphael, alright?"

Gabriel nodded anew. "I promise."

"And, uh..." Swanson scratched the back of his head "since the holidays start tomorrow, maybe talk with your mum?"

Gritting his teeth, Gabriel offered his coach a crooked smile. "I'll try."

"Good boy. Don't let these issues follow you into the new year. Come clean, Gabriel, with everything." 

_'With everything' —_ that weighed heavier on Gabriel's mind than his coach could assume, as he thought a lot more about his conversation with Marlon as he wanted to admit. After sleeping over what his friend had said, everything became clear — and that was a painful experience.

Swanson patted his shoulder again and turned to leave while shoving the watch into his pocket. "That's it for today. I'll see you next week. Merry Christmas, mate."

"Merry Christmas, Andrew."

Taking off his bathing cap, Gabriel sat down at the pool edge and rubbed his face.

"And what am I supposed to do now, huh?" he murmured and watched the sunlight's reflections dancing on the water's surface. Dipping the bottom of his foot into the ripples that swapped against the pool's edge, Gabriel gnawed on his lip. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and the thought of spending the holidays without his family, without Ava, made him incredibly sad, as he never was separated from them. He wanted to bake cookies with his grandma and sister. Wanted to decorate the house with his mother. Gabriel wanted to be with his loved ones.

Quickly closing his eyes to stop the upwelling tears from falling, he ruffled his hair and sighed. 

All this happened because he jumped head over into a relationship with Ichi. It's not that his mother was right, but what she said wasn't wrong either. He should have thought it through. Should have taken one step after another. He should have taken his time to come to terms with his sexual orientation, and to get to know Ichi better. 

Now, it was too late, as basically everything was in shambles. 

He tried so hard to get them back on a more positive side, but he just couldn't ignore everything that had happened. 

He had hurt Ichi, and Ichi had hurt him — and he was sure all that could have been prevented if they would have taken their time. He hated the current development, and although he felt miserable, it was no excuse to keep hurting his lover. 

He adored him so much that it was hard to let go, but something had to change, or he would destroy everything — would destroy his boyfriend. And that was the last he wanted to happen. 

He wanted to see Ichi happy and successfully chasing his dreams. Wanted to see his development into what he wished to become — and if it meant to stay away from him, so he could achieve all that, he would gladly watch him from afar.

Marlon was right; to even get a small chance of becoming happy with his lover, he would have to work hard on himself and for his goals first.

Marlon's suggested methods might have been questionable, but, at least, they left a door for a continuation ajar.

"Man... I should apologise to him."

Taking a deep breath, Gabriel got up to his feet and walked over to the locker room, nodding to himself as he came to a decision.

✵✵✵

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=chapter25ao34qj7a.jpg)

Ichiro stepped out of the shop and squinted against the bright light of the relentlessly burning summer sun as someone called his name.

Frowning, he shielded his eyes and stared at the handsome guy that leaned against a red pickup truck — it took him a second to realise that he looked at his friend.

"What the hell, Marlon?" 

Marlon smirked. "I said, I'd wait here, didn't I?"

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=marlondarkhairao3szjcv.jpg)

Ichiro nodded slowly. "Well, yes, but..." he walked over to him and eyed him curiously. "This is so freaking weird, wow. I haven't recognised you at first glance. You look totally different."

"Do ya like it?"

"A lot. It's not like you've ever been ugly, but that bleached hair sure took a lot away from you. I didn't know your hair was wavy; so cool," Ichiro whispered the last words as reached out to rake his hand through Marlon's soft locks. "Please, never wear it slicked back again; it looked so awful. You're so handsome now, wow..."

His friend's deep laughter reverberated in his ears. 

"Let me pull a Darius; hey, wanna kiss me to check me out?"

"Sure thing." Ichiro pressed a peck onto his lips and gently patted his cheek while grinning at him.

Marlon arched a brow and licked his lips. "Interesting... Why did it work this time?"

Ichiro lightly shook his head, and bashfully looked to the ground as he felt his blood rushing to his cheeks.

His friend snickered and gently punched his shoulder. "Dead giveaway, mate. Anyway, wanna know the story behind the whole bleaching thing?"

Ichiro's head jerked back up. "Oh, absolutely!"

They grinned at each other and Marlon gestured to the passenger side. 

"There's a nice café not far from here. Let's grab a bite, and I'll tell ya. I wanted to talk to ya anyway."

Knitting his brows, Ichiro nodded and got into the car. He wanted to ask Marlon why he wanted to talk to him, but decided against it nonetheless. Maybe, the car wasn't the right place for what he had to discuss.

They talked about music, movies, jellyfish, and watched the gif of a jumping cat that mid-air fell to the ground on repeat until they were in tears and gasping for air. 

Marlon pulled up in front of a beautiful old house with a large floor-to-ceiling window and a facade entirely covered by wisterias. Ichiro curiously eyed the building as he got out of the car, and admired the architecture, but swallowed in discomfort as he noticed the crowd inside.

The café was packed, and the only free seat they could find was a table for two, right in front of the big window. Soon after heading over to those empty chairs, one of the waiters appeared next to them. He handed them their menus, and after placing their orders, Ichiro let his gaze wander. Although predominantly groups of young folks filled the service area, the atmosphere was peaceful. Soft chill-out music filled the air and mixed with quiet conversations. Some people were reading books or working on their laptops. The ambience was a pleasant one and surprised Ichiro, as he had expected the worst. 

He glanced at his friend, who winked at him. "Ya didn't think I'd drag ya to a place where ya would freak out 'cause of the volume, hm? I can't stand loud and hectic people either; that's why I'm mostly stoned. The world simply is too noisy."

While nodding in agreement, Ichiro knitted his brows. "How do you know I have difficulties dealing with crowds and noise? I never told you."

Marlon smiled lightly. "Cause it's obvious. I only had to observe you for a day and figured it out."

"Usually, I can hide it pretty well. Say—" Ichiro was interrupted by the returning waiter who placed their cups and plates onto the table. Marlon paid immediately while ignoring Ichiro's nagging. 

Smirking, he shoved a spoonful of frothy milk into his mouth. "What did ya wanted to ask, Vampy?"

Watching him intently while taking a sip of his latte macchiato, Ichiro pushed his cookie over to Marlon's side. "I wanted to ask what you're hiding from us."

His friend huffed a laugh and leaned back in his chair. "Why would ya think I'm hidin' somethin'?"

"Because you do. Easy as that." Ichiro took another sip, then leaned back in his chair as well. "I know you try to hide it, but in my eyes, you're one of the most intelligent and most perceptive people I know." He crossed his arms and offered Marlon a lopsided grin. "I'm pretty smart myself, but I bet you could run rings around me."

Marlon laughed and watched Ichiro for a while. He then leaned forward and pulled down the zipper of his shirt until a large scar became visible. After making sure Ichiro knew what he was looking at, he covered it again.

"I didn't know you've had heart surgery."

"Mhm... Roughly three years ago. It's the reason why I ain't give a shit anymore."

Inclining his head, Ichiro arched a brow in puzzlement. "I think I can't quite follow." He took a bite of his panini and kept watching his friend, waiting for an explanation.

"Welp, it would be cool if ya would keep it to yourself, as I don't like when every Tom, Dick and Harry knows about my life story."

"You wouldn't have had to point it out, as it goes without saying."

Smiling, Marlon nodded, took a sip of his hot beverage and inhaled deeply.

"My parents were super strict and made me do quite a lot of things I didn't want to, but ya know how it is," he gestured vaguely. 

Ichiro nodded understandingly and let his friend continue.

"Initially, I wanted to start an apprenticeship at a local carpenter 'cause I really love working with wood." 

"You don't say," Ichiro remarked with a smirk on his lips and earned a flick on his forehead in response. "Shut yer mouth, little fucker." Marlon grinned, took a sip from his cup, leaned back and shrugged his shoulders. "You're not wrong, tho.

"However, my father said that's somethin' only losers do, and forced me to go to university to study economics instead. Seriously, that's the most boring major ever, which is why I enrolled in psychology instead without tellin' him — gee, he was pissed as hell. And he still held a grudge anyway 'cause of my sexual orientation and treated me like shit, so, uh, I was overall fucked, ya could say."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Ichiro said in a quiet voice, his expression full of sympathy as he remembered how his own mother had treated him. "If I ever would've chosen to come out to my mother, it would've been the same for me, so I can relate."

"Yeah, well, bein' loved unconditionally by your parents seems like it's too much to ask for, huh?" Marlon scoffed while taking another sip from his cup.

"Anyway, choosin' psychology was a smart move, 'cause it suited me well. I had fun and did pretty good, not gonna lie. Unfortunately, my dad noticed that too and quickly tried to force me to open my own practice as soon as I graduated. He was super mad at me for workin' part-time in my sister's shop; said, I should focus solely on my study. It was a hassle. I did nothin' but studyin', workin', and gettin' yelled at."

"All the stress with my parents, the shop, the university — it piled up and was too much eventually. My heart always was on the weaker side and then; bam."

Marlon sighed and crossed his arms behind his head. "After that, I gave a flyin' fuck. I made my Master in Psychology because I wanted to; however, I decided to pursue my life by usin' a carefree and comfortable path. Dad was outraged 'cause he only saw me throwing away my potential career. But the real reason why he was pissed was 'cause he couldn't brag around with my bein' a practising psychologist. I was nothing but an embarrassment again, and he still hasn't forgiven me.

"Whatever. I'm managin' my shop since, and I'll never do anythin' else because I'm happy this way. I'm my own boss, my life is relaxed. Couldn't be any better."

Ichiro arched a brow. "So, your shop is your sister's, from back then?"

Smiling, Marlon nodded. "Yeah. Alessia bought the house ten years ago and started the shop. After my coming out, my father chucked me out on his ear, and my sister took me in. I lived with her, worked for her, and when she moved to Canberra, she wanted me to take over the house and the shop as well."

"Why did she move?"

"Her partner, Fernanda, got a job at the local university and they finally wanted to move in together, so she decided to go with them."

Ichiro nodded understandingly and took another bite of his panini.

Glancing out the window to watch some passersby, Marlon stroked his chin.

"Standin' on Death's door makes ya realise what's important in life, and before anythin' else, it's ya own happiness. Ya can't build anythin' good, anythin' long-lastin' on a cracked base. 

"Make sure bein' okay before makin' big decisions. Before ya decide to pull others into yer life. It's no one's job, but ya own to bring happiness to yourself, and ya should never be the reason for other people's misery. And that's what I'm doin' — I make sure that I and those I care about are happy, and that includes takin' a step back from those who drag me down. If they're doin' it intentionally or unintentionally doesn't matter, sometimes it's better to walk next to each other than with each other. But ya never know; two paths often become one again."

With a crooked smile on his features, Marlon inclined his head and watched the now pale-faced Ichiro, who had stopped eating a while ago. "What is it, Vampy, hm?"

Ichiro swallowed and wetted his lips. "First of all, I want to thank you for trusting me enough to tell me your story; I really appreciate that." Clenching his teeth, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. "And I understand why you chose to tell me this in the first place."

Marlon sighed. "I told Gabe the same, although my way of phrasin' it was a whole lotta different," he laughed. "Are ya mad at me?"

Shaking his head, Ichiro took a sip from his cup. "I'm not. It's just—" he inhaled sharply "It hurts that you're right." 

"I know, mate." Marlon reached across the table to squeeze his hand.

Shoving the last bite of his panini into his mouth, Ichiro turned his head and watched the café's scenery. While he was chewing, he thought about what his friend just said and what it meant eventually. The thought scared him, hurt him, but in his heart of hearts, he knew it was inevitable, as he started everything not on a cracked, but an already broken base. 

Although he wasn't sure if he could manage to break up with Gabriel, he had to try it, at least. Staying with him was nothing but selfish as he knew that it would only bring more misery into his lover's life, and he deserved anything but that. 

"Maybe, he's not my sun after all," Ichiro muttered.

"I said to Gabe that you're like day and night, and that's exactly what I meant," Marlon stated and made Ichiro flinch, as he didn't expect a response to his whispered words.

He tried to ignore the lump that had formed in his throat and shifted his gaze back to his friend, who then continued to speak.

"While Gabe is the personification of a hot and bustlin' summer day, you're like a quiet and snowy winter night. I mean, it's true, we all need the sun in our lives, but _you_ , Ichi, you thrive under the comfort and tranquillity of the moon, and that's what ya need the most. Too much sunlight lets ya wither. Find a balance, mate."

Knitting his brows in confusion, Ichiro tilted his head. "The moon?"

"Aye. _Your_ moon, to be precise," Marlon smirked meaningfully and winked. 

Ichiro closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "You sure are philosophical when stoned."

"Ain't I? That's my favourite part."

He looked back at Marlon, and his expression grew stern. "Listen, I won't fuck up anyone else's life just so you know. It really is enough that I already ruined Gabriel's."

Shrugging his shoulders, Marlon pushed the cookie between his lips. "Don't rush things but don't abandon them either; that's all I'm sayin'," he chewed, and Ichiro leaned forward in his seat.

"Hey, can I tell you a few things? I think you're the only one who can listen to it without freaking out. I haven't told anyone about it yet, as I know no one close to me would take it well, but it really— I need to vent, I guess."

"Ichi, whatever it is, it'll stay between us two. You can tell me everythin', and I'll always do my best to help ya."

Ichiro nodded, absentmindedly biting his lip as he tried to find the right words. 

"Well, for starters, I know that Gabriel told you about what happened on that Saturday night. He's fantastic at keeping everything about himself a secret but pretty bad at keeping actual secrets. Gabriel let something minor slip in a conversation, but it was easy for me to connect the dots. I'm not mad, though; he needed someone to talk to after all, and I'm grateful that he picked you."

"Thank you, mate, that honours me." Marlon smiled genuinely at him, and Ichiro continued.

"It's true, I've been raped, back in Japan. It was someone I wanted to trust, as he was the acquaintance of someone close to me. 

"That was a pretty bad night for me because initially, I saw that guy and was..." He exhaled audibly. "Real talk; I was hot for him, and the only thing that held me back to try anything was that I tried living monogamous — for someone who wasn't worth it. 

"Anyway, would that guy have made a move, I'd have jumped him in a heartbeat. But he decided to do it in his own way, gave me no signals at all and roofied my drink instead to take me by force." Ichiro paused for a moment and reached for his friend's hand to hold it. "Sorry, I need a bit of emotional support for the next part."

"It's okay, Ichi. Don't apologise for anything," Marlon said in a soft tone and gently caressed the back of his hand with his thumb.

"The rape itself wasn't the worst but the emotional betrayal because he was super polite and treated me well the whole time, and then _that_ happened; basically out of nowhere. I was so mad at him that I crashed a glassy ashtray against his face while he fucked me. Christ... It was just a tiny laceration on his cheekbone, but there was blood everywhere. I was still dizzy from the drugs, and the smell of his blood made me vomit. 

"It was a disgusting mess, but if I'm honest, I willingly attended sex parties that proceeded way worse." Grimacing, Ichiro shuddered at the thought of what he and his fuck buddies did on a specific night back in March after visiting a Hanami festival.

"Gosh, I'll never do that again; Jesus, I was so fucked up..."

Marlon cleared his throat and cocked his head. "You're makin' me curious here. That'll never slip my mind, and I'll make you tellin' me everythin' one day."

Groaning, Ichiro nodded. "Well, yeah, I probably should anyway, because that was so..." he huffed a strained laugh "well, kinda traumatising, seriously. 

"Anyway, back to the topic. What threw me off the most was what the guy said to me after it was over — and that he stayed calm and collected the entire time. It was so eerie. That, and not having control, were the worst. Losing control is something I absolutely can't handle, and he forced me to give up on it." Lightly shaking his head, Ichiro licked his lips.

"However, I'm sure I could've handled it a lot better if I would've refrained from going home to my mother because that was what actually broke me. It was at dawn, and I was wrecked; a crying mess. I told her what happened, and she yelled at me, said I provoked it by looking like a slut, and then she slapped me and told me she's done with me. That I should disappear from the world." Ichiro's voice cracked, and he had to take a few deep breaths to keep himself from bursting into tears. "I tried to take my life that morning."

Marlon took Ichiro's cold hand in both of his, searched his gaze and smiled warmly. "I'm glad ya weren't successful, my friend 'cause gettin' the chance to meet ya made a lot of people here pretty happy, includin' me."

Reciprocating the smile, Ichiro swallowed and wiped the tip of his index finger over his bottom lids. "Idiot, I really try hard not to cry, you know?"

Marlon huffed a laugh. "I'll keep bein' a quiet listener, then." He winked and continued to caress Ichiro's hand.

"When I woke up at the hospital, I couldn't remember anything clearly. It took my therapist a lot of work to help me regain my memory and to convince me that my still being alive was a good thing, but he made it in the end. 

"I moved on, stayed in the guest room of my therapist's acquaintance, dropped out of college, and prepared everything for moving to Australia. I never went back home because I probably would've broken down if I had to see my mother again. Dad ordered new furniture for me, and I used my savings for everything I personally needed. 

"Anyway, In all those weeks of preparation and regaining memories, the only thing I never could remember was the one who raped me. I knew the guy's name was Niko, and that he was a foreigner, but... No matter how often I thought about what happened, no matter how often I dreamed about it, his face kept being blurry and his voice was entirely gone. I remembered what he said to me but could only hear it in my own voice, which was creepy, to put it mildly."

Marlon knit his brows. "So, you remembered him that Saturday, I take it?"

"Yes."

"What triggered the memory?"

Closing his eyes, Ichiro took a long and deep breath. "Dmitrij."

"That shady Russian? Interesting..." Frowning, Marlon tapped the tip of his index finger against his bottom lip while watching his friend quietly. "You said your rapist was a foreigner? And an acquaintance of someone close to you?"

"Yeah..."

Marlon clenched his fingers and nodded. He refrained from asking the question that could throw their conversation into chaos and decided to slowly navigate it to a safer topic instead.

"Do ya feel a bit better now, my friend?"

Smiling, Ichiro nodded reassuringly. "Yes, I do. It really feels good to talk freely about everything and with someone who isn't my therapist. Although, technically, you're one as well, aren't you? Master in psychology — that really is impressive, Marlon. I knew you were smart, but that sure exceeded my expectations. However, it definitely explains why you've figured Gabriel and me out in a heartbeat and why you always have a solution ready."

Marlon averted his gaze and smirked. "Well, I prefer to stay under the radar. It's more fun when people underestimate ya. They tend to reveal more about themselves when they think you're but a dumb pothead, unable to see through their socially accepted disguises. You were kinda hard to crack, tho, 'cause ya conceal yourself well — but not as good as Darius. I know him for ages already, and he still manages to keep a big part of himself away from me. Never met someone like him before. He's a master in his own field."

Ichiro smiled gently. "You love him a lot, hm?"

"At least currently, there's no one in my life who could reach a higher status than him."

"Not even Gabriel? Ichiro asked teasingly, and Marlon laughed out loud. "What's with that question, eh?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Ichiro cocked his head and stared intensely at Marlon. "Well, you have genuine feelings for Gabriel, and I was wondering if you ever will confess to him."

Marlon clicked his tongue and averted his gaze. "It was more fun when I was the only super smart dude in the group, mate."

Ichiro snickered and tapped onto his friend's hand to get his attention back. "If you ask me, I think you should. Not immediately because he'll push you away, but don't keep it to yourself forever. You really are a good match, and Gabriel needs someone like you in his life."

Sighing, Marlon squeezed his hand. "You're a good guy, Ichi."

Arching a brow, Ichiro shook his head. 

"I'm not, but I try to change that. 

"I just want his best, that's all. Gabriel deserves nothing but happiness, and, as much as I want to, it seems that I can't make him happy. At least, not now, so..." he sighed "others have to do that in my stead until I'm ready."

"We'll all do our best, I'll make sure of it." Stroking his chin, Marlon narrowed his eyes. "On a different note; when will ya confess to Darius?"

Ichiro instantly glared at him and averted his gaze. "I don't have feelings for Darius."

Again, the café was filled with Marlon's deep and rich laughter. "That was the second dead giveaway today, ya know? Or why could ya kiss me for shits and giggles but not him, eh? Oh, that reminds me; have ya made out that evening?"

"Frowning, Ichiro arched a brow."

"When I was busy with Gabe, did you and Darius made out? 'Cause he's not sayin' anythin'."

Shifting his gaze to his empty mug, the corner of Ichiro's mouth twitched into a faint smirk. He felt heat crawling up to his cheeks as his heart skipped a beat. He looked up, grinned at Marlon and got up from his seat.

"Will you drop me off at home? You still owe me the bleaching story."

Marlon inhaled sharply, smiled, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You two little fuckers..." he murmured while escorting his friend to the café's entrance.


	24. Camouflage

The bright afternoon sun warmed Gabriel's back as he stood in front of the rundown house, indecisively shifting his weight from one leg to the other. Taking a deep breath, he strengthened his grip on the flower bouquet he was holding while staring at the brick building. He was nervous, as he didn't know what to expect, and the longer Gabriel stood there, the more he grew hesitant. Swallowing, to get rid of his dry throat, he shifted his gaze to the eerily quiet street, in a desperate search for anything that would magically justify a departure. Unfortunately, there was nothing. Sighing and biting his cheek as he finally climbed the three steps that led to the front door, Gabriel stretched his fingers, and gingerly pushed the bell.

Footsteps approached, and a brief moment later, two big, brown eyes peeked from a gap and stared curiously at him. 

"Hello, Mrs Hawthorne, my name is Gabriel Montgomery, I'm in the same swim team as your son." He smiled friendly and extended a hand.

"The Montgomery boy!" The middle-aged woman gasped while fully opening the door to shake his hand. "Would you look at that; you're such a handsome lad — I barely recognised you without goggles and bathing cap!" she giggled and stepped aside. "Come in, chap!" 

Mrs Hawthorne was a short, curvy, and friendly-looking woman with a blonde pixie cut and rather frumpy clothes. Gabriel tried to recognise similarities to her son but couldn't find any, as neither her overall appearance nor her facial features had anything in common with him. He already knew how his father looked as he saw Mr Hawthorne several times at the aquatic centre, and luckily for Raphael, he didn't come after him either. 

Although it probably would have fit better with his personality.

While Mrs Hawthorne led him to the kitchen, Gabriel noticed that the entire house was rather messy. It was only dimly lit, smelled musty and was stuffed with antiquated furnishing, paraphernalia, empties, and stacks of magazines. Absolutely nothing here matched with Raphael, as he was always perfectly styled and wore modern and expensive-looking clothes. 

Gabriel couldn't pinpoint it, but aside from the obvious, something about the atmosphere made him feel highly uncomfortable. 

Mrs Hawthorne turned her head to address him. "Are you here to see Raphael?"

Gabriel nodded. "I am, but I wanted to talk to you first, Mrs Hawthorne.

Eyeing him curiously, she filled a glass with water and placed it in front of him on the table. "How can I help you?"

He put out the hand that held the bouquet and bowed. "I wanted to apologise for breaking Raphael's nose."

"That was you?" she asked in astonishment as she hesitantly reached for the flowers.

Gabriel arched a brow and locked eyes with her again. "Excuse me, ma'am, you didn't know?"

Mrs Hawthorne shook her head. "Raphael refused to tell me how it happened."

"Huh." Gabriel frowned. "Well, yes, it was me. We got into a heated argument that quickly escalated. I've lost my temper, and that was absolutely inappropriate. I'm sorry."

Still baffled, Raphael's mother nodded and put the flowers aside. "Well, I mean, Raphael really can be snarky at times, and you young guys are full of testosterone, so ... I guess it's normal?" She shrugged her shoulders. "In any case, you should talk to him. He's—"

"And who are you?" A gruff voice cut Mrs Hawthorne off, and Raphael's father appeared next to Gabriel. 

He was a stern-looking man with greasy hair, who always had a deep crease between his eyes. Gabriel wasn't happy to see him, as he was afraid Mr Hawthorne would whip him for what he had done. Cursing internally, he smiled anew and extended a hand.

"Mr Hawthorne, hello. I'm Gabriel Montgomery, one of your son's teammates."

"He's here to apologise since he's the one who broke Raphael's nose," Mrs Hawthorne added before she turned around to rummage through some cupboards.

Mr Hawthorne refused the handshake and eyed Gabriel sternly instead. He then shrugged his shoulders and sat down at the table. "As I said before, I don't care, as that good-for-nothing deserved it anyway. He's upstairs, by the way; in case you're here to see him."

Knitting his brows, Gabriel shifted his puzzled gaze to Mrs Hawthorne, who was putting the flowers into the ugliest vase he had ever laid eyes on. 

"First door on the right." She smiled as if her husband hadn't said anything out of the ordinary.

"Alright..." Frowning, Gabriel stroked his hands over the jeans fabric on his thighs and turned to the door. "I'll check if he wants to see me, then."

"Knock him out straight away again if he tries to get bitchy," Raphael's father murmured while reaching for a newspaper.

Gabriel cleared his throat in discomfort and turned to leave. He refrained from saying anything in response but held his breath until he started climbing the steps where he exhaled audibly. With a father like that, it was no wonder Raphael had turned into an  _ 'offence is the best defence'- _ guy. 

Gabriel realised he knew nothing about his teammate, as he never had a good relationship with him because Raphael acted hostile from the start. However, catching this glimpse alone was enough to change the way he saw him. Maybe, Raphael was worth the effort to get to know him better.

As he reached the dimly lit, carpeted corridor, Gabriel had to knock firmly to drown out the loud fighting noises that came from a TV of the other side of the door.

"What?"

Gabriel huffed at his teammate's pissed-off tone, entered the room and immediately raised his brows in surprise, as it was the complete opposite of the rest of the house. It was light-flooded, tidy, and the fresh air held a faint scent of sandalwood. 

Frowning in confusion, Raphael paused the show he was watching and crossed his arms. His back propped up against the headboard, he laid on his bed and made no move to stand up. A fierce blush crawled up his neck, spread across his entire face and tinged his ears bright red.

Tilting his head, he arched a brow. "Montgomery... For fuck's sake, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked in a flat voice but looked quite shocked. "Now that you know how I live, I'll have to kill you. Apropos killing — I'm surprised my old man let you enter the house."

Gabriel clicked his tongue, unsure of how to react to these rather peculiar statements. "Well, it seemed as if he wouldn't give a damn about that I broke your nose."

"Oh, you told him? Interesting. Anyway, that's not what I meant," he stated lazily, averted his gaze and continued watching the show.

Gabriel inhaled slowly to calm down, as Raphael's attitude already irritated him. He let his gaze wander through the dark-grey painted room. Although all decorations and pieces of furniture were either black or white, it didn't look bland, as the modern furnishing was well-matched, and the decoration subtle but elegant. Ironically, it was Raphael's red-dyed hair that rounded up the overall picture of his monochrome demesne, as the only colour blotch served as an eye-catcher. 

Looking at his teammate again, Gabriel addressed him anew.

"Alright... And what  _ did  _ you mean?"

"Dad hates homos, but maybe he doesn't know yet that you're gay; otherwise, he'd prolly kicked you out instantly."

"Ah. Like father, like son, hm?" Gabriel remarked and shifted his weight to his left leg.

"What is it, Montgomery; are you here to insult me, or do you want to break my nose again?" Raphael snarled without looking at him.

"I'm here because I want to apologise to you."

Raphael paused the TV show once more, and his relaxed features changed into a grimacing frown as he turned to Gabriel.

"Are you kidding me?"

Gabriel shook his head and bowed lightly. "I'm not. I really am sorry, Raphael. It doesn't matter what you've said to me; punching you was wrong."

"Jesus, stop bowing, Montgomery," Raphael sighed and patted the spot next to him. "Come, sit with me, lay down; whatever. Get comfortable." Scooting over, he pressed the play button on his remote control.

Inhaling sharply through his teeth, Gabriel walked over and flopped down next to him. He crossed his arms, stared at the TV, and smirked as he recognised the show. 

"Cavill makes a great Geralt, doesn't he? Ichi and I started watching it too."

"Yeah, I'm really impressed; it's like he was made for this role." Raphael turned his head a little to glance at Gabriel. "Say, did you always have this deep bass voice? It sounds different than usual."

Gabriel snickered. "No, it doesn't. It's just the first time that we're right next to each other in an otherwise quiet room. I don't have to raise my voice, that's all." Puzzled, Gabriel knit his brows. "I didn't know your eyes have different colours, that looks," he grimaced a little "beautiful."

"We're swimming together for two years already, and this is the first time you notice my heterochromia? Wow, Montgomery..." Raphael sneered."

"Mate, as I said, I never was close enough to notice anything, and when I punched you, your wet hair was plastered to your face. By the way," Gabriel gestured with his chin towards Raphael's nose "that scar; my work?"

"Yeah." He carefully ran a finger over it. "I call it the Montgomery keepsake, he said in a languid tone, tilted his head and watched Gabriel with a deadpan expression.

"Well, uh... suits you. Kinda." He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. "Again, I'm sorry."

Raphael shrugged his shoulders and averted his gaze again. "Don't worry about it. It really suits me, so it's fine."

"Is that your way of apologising as well?" Gabriel teased him, and

his teammate hummed in response and bit his lip. "Didn't mean to say those things," he muttered while his cheeks turned bright pink.

A crooked smile flitted across Gabriel's lips as he gently nudged Raphael's shoulder with his own. "No hard feelings, mate."

"But I said really horrible things; especially about your boyfriend, who couldn't even defend himself. That was just ... low." Raphael exhaled audibly but refrained from looking at Gabriel. "I'm sorry." 

"But if you knew that, why did you say it in the first place?"

"Mate, my whole bed is vibrating when you talk, that's ... kinda cool."

Raphael briefly glanced at him, and Gabriel noticed that his ears had turned pink.

"Hawthorne, are you dodging the question?"

As his teammate didn't answer, Gabriel turned his head back on the TV. 

After a few minutes where they quietly watched how Geralt of Rivia and Jaskier rode through a canyon, Raphael decided to break the silence between them.

"Because I was angry, frustrated and jealous," he whispered without taking his eyes off of the screen.

Gabriel frowned in confusion and turned his head once more to look at Raphael. "Could you explain that?"

Heaving a deep breath, Raphael exhaled audibly.

"I was angry and frustrated because you were so confident and fearless. You were able to express yourself freely, while I probably would get beaten to death if I'd even dare to hint on it." He turned his head to face Gabriel and watched him through half-lidded eyes, his expression indifferent.

The second Gabriel realised what Raphael just said, he felt like someone had hit him with a bus. 

Raphael liked men. 

That was definitely the last thing Gabriel would have thought of but paired with his father's attitude, his teammate's behaviour up until now made sense. In a chaotic and twisted way.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Gabriel closed his eyes for a brief moment.

"You're into guys?" He fixed his gaze back at him, and Raphael took a long and deep breath while the air around them became heavy.

"Surprised, Montgomery?"

Gabriel arched a brow. "Err, yes? You've concealed it pretty well."

"So did you, mate."

"No, that's not—" I didn't even know I was gay until I met Ichi."

"Is that so..." Raphael watched him with a piercing look and Gabriel started to feel weird as his gaze was glued to his teammate's blue and green eyes. 

Suddenly, Raphael's cheeks turned pink as a shy smile spread across his lips and adorned his pretty features. He tilted his head while stretching his arms forwards as if he was unsure of what to do with himself. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=raphaelao3udjkc.jpg)

"Montgomery, you're staring."

Gabriel lifted his brows. "What?  _ You  _ are staring, mate. I'm just politely reciprocating your gaze."

Laughing, Raphael shifted his gaze back at the TV.

Watching him through narrowed eyes, Gabriel tilted his head a little and stroked his jaw. Sitting here with Raphael suddenly felt odd, as the guy next to him had absolutely nothing in common with the one who attended the swim training. His teammate still was snarky, so that much was true, but aside from that? 

At the aquatic centre, Raphael had a bad reputation from the start. No one liked him, as he really did his best to make people resent him. He was grumpy, unfriendly, harsh, belligerent and mean. Then, rumours from outside started to do the rounds. Apparently, he would manipulate people and toy with them, especially women. Allegedly taking advantage of them to get into their pants, etc. etc. 

Gabriel never gave much about those rumours, as he didn't care about Raphael, but now he started to question if any of them were true at all. Suddenly, his teammate was so approachable, friendly and even shy at times. Then his calm aura, and that he was so surprisingly candid. Nothing fitted with his usual image, and he couldn't help but be curious about which one was the real Raphael. 

He cleared his throat and addressed him anew.

"Want to know what surprises me the most?"

"Hm?"

"That you're basically the total opposite of how you act when at the aquatic centre. I mean, why are you such an asshole there, but ... quite nice here?"

"Defence mechanism," Raphael stated without looking at him. "I don't want people to like me because I don't want anyone to know how I live. And with whom."

"So... It really bothers you that I'm here, hm?"

Raphael sighed and locked eyes with him. "Yes, mate, it bothers me a lot that you're here. However, it doesn't bother me spending time with you."

Exhaling audibly, Gabriel ruffled his hair. 

"It's quite the attainment to be candid and secretive simultaneously."

"Montgomery, you walked through this house, and you talked to my parents. It shouldn't be hard to understand why I don't want people to hang out at my place, shouldn't it?"

Gabriel clenched his jaw and refrained from giving him an answer.

"Exactly." Raphael averted his gaze again. "Let's ignore the fact that this disgusting shithole is already embarrassing enough. I can't bring anyone home, or I'll risk that my old man tells them how often he beats the crap out of me for shits and giggles. Randomly. Without any fucking reason. "Or how funny he finds that my mother just lets it happen because she's relieved he didn't pick her."

Gabriel lifted a hand to make him pause. "You were serious before? He really beats you?"

"Why would I joke about that?"

Massaging his temples, Gabriel closed his eyes. "All your bruises — you said you'd regularly attend Muay Thai training as well—"

Raphael groaned. "That was a lie, obviously," he said and cut him off. 

"How am I supposed to cover bruises as a swimmer? You all see me in nothing but swim trunks or even naked in the shower. Of course, I needed a plausible explanation."

"My father is an alcoholic, my mother a pill popper, and both don't give a shit about me. They don't care if people notice. Heck, my dad jokes about it and brags around how he punched me when he's drunk. Everything is fucked up here, I hate it. I hate them." He shifted his gaze back to Gabriel. "Freaking hell would have to freeze over before I would freely bring someone home with me."

Gabriel parted his lips to say something, but Raphael quickly pressed his index finger to his mouth. "No, no, no. Don't look at me like that with your pretty eyes. Keep your mouth shut, Montgomery — I don't need your pity, okay?"

Gabriel sighed internally and gently wrapped his fingers around Raphael's wrist to push his hand back. "I didn't mean to pity you, but wanted to ask you something." 

Arching a brow, Raphael pulled back his arm and tilted his head.

"Spit it out, then."

"If all your previous behaviour was to keep people away from you, then, explain to me why you regularly openly attacked me. I never tried to get close to you. I always saw you as nothing but a teammate, yet you aggressively tried to sabotage me several times. Why?"

Raphael clicked his tongue while his eyes briefly darted to his door.

"Because I'm always number two. Darius was quite the challenge as well before he went to Europe, but now it's only you who stands between me and gold medals. 

"Losing against you, Montgomery, means getting beaten by my father. I desperately wanted you to be inferior, to erase at least one fucking reason for him to punch the crap out of me.

"But after I said all those horrible things, I realised that I went too far and that I was slowly turning into the man I hate the most. I deserved the broken nose, and if I'm honest, I'm thankful for your wake-up call."

He averted his gaze and raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for ruining your day with this messed up shit."

Raphael pulled his knees up to his chin and buried his head underneath his arms.

Gabriel swallowed hard and wetted his lips, overwhelmed by the development. However, the urge to help and support the man next to him, who suddenly had such a gentle and fragile aura about him, was more prominent than the uneasiness he felt. 

He frowned at the sudden idea that popped up in his head, as it seemed absurd at first, yet it wasn't as silly at a second glance.

Living with Ichiro's family was always meant to be temporary. And especially now, as he wanted to change everything from the bottom up, it was clear that he needed his own place as soon as possible. Gabriel wanted to get back on good terms with his mother; however, he didn't want to move to his old home again. Instead, he had already rented a hotel room for the rest of the month, as he would move into his very own home the first week in January.

Ichi was the one who encouraged him to look for his own place after his mother said he shouldn't come back home. 

Together, they browsed a lot of real estate websites for rental apartments, groaned in unison at the ridiculously high monthly costs, and quickly dropped the idea again. However, by that time, Gabriel had already reached a point where he decided it was time to finally make proper use of his lottery money. 

He wasn't idle during his suspension but regularly met with a realtor after his training at the public bath. They viewed properties that were for sale, and he found one eventually and wanted to surprise Ichi at New Year's Eve, as he thought he would share it with him. 

The thought that he now would be single when he moved in saddened him, but Gabriel was glad he had reached this point before they had moved in together, as it would have made the breakup even uglier. 

Still, the apartment was too big for one person alone — he already knew that he would feel lonely, and he would have too much time to think about Ichi. To miss him. To regret his decision.

What he would need the most after the breakup was a distraction that kept him from running back to his lover, as that would be bad for both of them. Which meant, his overwhelmed teammate's vexing living condition came in handy to kill two birds with one stone.

He nodded to himself and addressed Raphael anew.

"Would you move out if you had the means?"

"In a heartbeat, Montgomery," he answered like a shot in a teary voice. "I'd start packing right this instant, and I'd never come back to this freaking shithole."

Gabriel nodded and heaved a quick breath.

"Then... Wanna be roommates?"

Raphael sighed and buried his head even deeper between his knees.

"Montgomery... Are you toying with me? If this is supposed to be a bad joke, I'm telling you, I won't laugh but choose to break  _ your  _ nose for a change."

"I'm serious. I'll move into my own apartment in January, and I'm looking for a roommate."

Gabriel shifted his weight and placed a hand on Raphael's shoulder.

"Listen, as long as we're both swimming, we'll be rivals, and I'll never stop to do my best because I really want to become an Olympian — that is something you'll have to deal with."

"I know..."

"Then, why don't you take my offer?"

Frowning, Raphael looked up again and watched him through teary eyes. "Shouldn't you ask your pretty boyfriend?"

Ruffling his hair, Gabriel sighed. 

"Ichi and I will part ways for a while because we both need to focus on our jobs and future, and that, unfortunately, doesn't work out when we stay together. At least, not for now."

"I won't lie to you, part of me is happy that you broke up, but I'm sorry for you anyway, mate."

Gabriel clenched his teeth. Raphael's words hurt him as they made the breakup sound final and inevitable, although it hadn't even happened officially yet. His stomach churned at the thought of the Christmas party he had to attend this evening. It would be his last night with his lover, and Gabriel still couldn't fathom it to its full extent.

"I really hate to say this, but I have to decline, Montgomery." Raphael's calm voice cut Gabriel's upsetting train of thoughts off. He shifted his gaze back to him and arched a brow.

"Why? Is the thought of living with me that sickening?"

Raphael smiled a sad smile and slowly shook his head.

"I'd be thrilled if I could live with you, but I don't have enough money to move out and pay rent and whatever; I only have a part-time job."

"Don't worry about the money. The apartment is my own — it's fully paid and completely furnished, in case you can't bring your own things with you. 

"So, no rent for you; only extra charges and food. You can manage that much, right? And even if you don't, that's not important right now because we'll find a way anyway. More importantly; if you aren't here anymore, he can't beat you up."

Raphael sat up straight and eyed him suspiciously. "Your own apartment? Like, your own property?"

"I said it's fully paid, right?"

"Yeah, sure..." Frowning, Raphael crossed his arms. "Did you rob a bank or something?"

"I inherited it from my father. He died in an accident a while ago."

His teammate nodded understandingly and became absorbed in his own thoughts.

Suddenly, Raphael broke into tears and jumped into Gabriel's arms. "This is the best Christmas gift ever. You're radically changing my entire life in the blink of an eye, Montgomery."

He buried his face in the crook of Gabriel's neck and while he cried for a while, Gabriel gently stroke his back.

"I'm glad that I'm able to help, and if you need me to get your stuff moved, let me know. I'm free after tomorrow. Should you get in trouble with your parents before we can move into the apartment, you can join me in my hotel room. I've rented one for the rest of this month."

"You're always perfectly prepared, aren't you? Almost disgusting," Raphael said in a muffled voice that quickly changed into relieved laughter.

Grinning, Gabriel grabbed him by the shoulders and gently pushed him back to look at him. "I really couldn't stand you, Hawthorne, but I think you're actually a nice guy. I'm glad I came here today."

Raphael smiled shyly and wiped his tears away. His cheeks were reddened again, the colours of his eyes had this oddly beautiful 'cry-shiny' intensity, and his hair was a mess — he looked cute.

Averting his gaze in embarrassment, Raphael nodded lightly. "Yeah... Likewise. But... You're staring again, Montgomery."

Gabriel huffed a laugh. "You're right, for a change. This time, I was staring."

"You were?" Raphael locked eyes with him again, cocked his head and smirked. "Interesting."


	25. Under the Mistletoe - Part One

"Hey, Ichi, mum wants us to— What are you doing?" Rayne curiously stretched her neck as she approached her brother, who sat at his desk. Various tools were spread out on the table and right next to them stood a bowl with a thick solution and a UV light, similar to that of her nail designer's. Ichiro didn't react to her question as he was absorbed in precisely scraping some dried red liquid from a small plate. He carefully let the resulting powder trickle into a small, cube-shaped silicone mould in front of him.

"Nii-san, what the hell is that?" Rayne asked once more and leaned over his shoulder.

"Don't come too close, or you'll accidentally blow the blood away."

"The what?!" She quickly straightened up again and eyed her brother curiously.

"The blood." He lightly moved the plate in his hand. "That's my dried blood."

Grimacing, Rayne crossed her arms. "Err, okay... That explains the bandage on your thumb. And what are you doing with it?"

I'm mixing it into UV-curable resin, and then, I'll use this thing here," he pointed at a specific tool "to sand it until it's drop-shaped and of marble-size. After that, I'll polish it, and use this tool," he pointed to a different one "to drill a small hole into it. The last step is to thread the leather band through."

He finally looked up to her and smiled. "That'll be Gabriel's Christmas present."

Arching a brow, Rayne repeatedly brushed the tip of her index finger across her bottom lip. "A necklace. With your blood, in a marble thing. That, uh, is very romantic — in a pretty weird  _ Tim Burton  _ way."

Ichiro shrugged his shoulders, looked back at the table and grabbed the bowl with the resin and the UV light. "Well, it think, it represents me perfectly. And it will have a special meaning after tonight, and I hope that Gabriel will realise that." 

Suddenly his voice sounded sad, and Rayne immediately furrowed her brows in response. "What's up, Ichi; is everything alright?"

"Yeah..." He sighed and glanced at her. "After tonight's party, I'll break up with Gabriel."

"What the fucking hell." Rayne slumped to the ground, hugged her knees and stared at her brother. "Nooo! Whyyy? I wanted to go on double dates with you! What are you doing?!" Suddenly, her eyes became wide as saucers, and she jumped to her feet again. "Is it because of Marlon? He cheated on you with Marlon, didn't he?! I fucking knew it! Just out of the closet and already unable to keep his damn meat in his pants," she angrily stomped towards the door "I'll slap him into the stratosphere!" 

"Rayne, no!" Ichiro jumped from his chair, grabbed her collar and pulled her back. "Gabriel hasn't cheated on me, and the thing with Marlon—" He sighed. "I was the one who encouraged it. Everything that happened, or not happened; I knew about it beforehand. So, don't worry, and, please, leave Gabriel alone. He did nothing wrong."

"You knew it?" She turned back around and crossed her arms. "What kind of strange sex games are you guys playing, mate? You're all weird!"

"There's nothing weird about anything as long as all parties are consensually involved."

"Well... Yeah. I guess!" Rayne huffed and averted her gaze. "But when he didn't do anything wrong, I don't get why you want to break up."

"Because it's not working out right now." Ichiro walked back to his desk and sat down again. "Love isn't everything. People have to work hard to keep their relationship going on a healthy level. 

Gabriel and I love each other, but external circumstances are tainting our bond, which is why we have to focus on ourselves for a while, to get obstacles out of the way."

"So, it's actually more like you're taking a break," Rayne stated in a calm and more serious tone while placing her hands on Ichiro's shoulders to gently squeeze them.

"Yeah; of unknown length, though. And as long as Gabriel doesn't decide that he wants someone else but me at his side, of course."

Rayne leaned down and hugged her brother from behind. "I'm sorry, nii-san. That sounds absolutely heartbreaking, and I hate it because it'll make both of you sad. However, if it helps you eventually, I'll do my best to support you both." She gently rubbed their cheeks together and squeezed her brother.

Smiling, Ichiro leaned his head against hers. "Thank you, Rayne. I appreciate it, and I will need all your support because I already know that it'll be like hell for me."

✵✵✵

It was quarter past nine, and the Gainsborough mansion finally ready for its guests to start the US-themed Christmas party. 

Christmas classics played from every speaker in the house, and everything was decorated with candles, fairy lights, lush ornaments and mistletoes. A Christmas tree of impressive size stood in the rarely used living room, which would be centre of today's gathering. Rayne and Ichiro had a lot of fun decorating it and were immediately in agreement about the colours. 

After putting ornaments onto each other's ears, they had covered the tree in a lush golden-white decoration that still looked elegant and not too cluttered. The siblings were happy with the result, and their parents impressed by their teamwork and decorating skills.

Claire had filled several socks with chocolate and candy to mount them to the fireplace, and Richard had scattered fake snow all over the large buffet table. It was loaded with lots of different dishes and drinks, including a big pot of milk on a mini stove to indulge in some hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream.

Last but not least, cooled the air-conditioning the entire house down to crisp fifteen degrees celsius and forced everyone to wear sweaters. Claire didn't want anyone to attend in t-shirts and shorts like usually, but elegant clothing for the cold months to fit the theme.

While Ichiro was placing his Christmas presents underneath the tree, and the rest of the family took their time to change into their evening attire, the doorbell rang. Frowning, he checked the time, as the guests only were expected to arrive at ten o'clock. And since no other family member was around, he quickly made his way to the front door. 

"Of course, it's him..." he muttered under his breath as he recognised Dmitrij's blurry silhouette through the door's alabaster glass.

Ichiro's heart started to race because he didn't know how to act around him. Now, after Dmitrij had told him so many absurd and heartbreaking details about his private life, it was difficult to evaluate how to proceed. 

And there was the kiss as well — the most perverted part of that eventful Sunday evening. Ichiro felt ashamed that it had happened in the first place, yet, he couldn't help but think about it every little while. And every time he replayed it in his mind, a weird form of craving seeped into his thoughts. It mixed with a feeling of guilt and self-loathe for being so illogical and pathetic, dragging down his mood whenever it crossed his mind.

Taking a deep breath to shake off the depressing thoughts, Ichiro put on an indifferent expression and opened the door.

Their eyes locked immediately, and a faint smile played about Dmitrij's lips as he lightly inclined his head.

"Good evening, Mr St. James. I am pleased to see you."

Ichiro hummed in response, followed by a curt nod while stepping aside to let him pass.

The Russian still looked exhausted and couldn't thoroughly conceal the sadness in his gaze; however, Ichiro was sure the rest of his family wouldn't spot the difference. Dmitrij had proved several times already, that he was a master in concealing his emotions. Although the rare moments he was unable to do so felt rather thrilling to Ichiro, as he enjoyed to see him lose his cool.

Dmitrij carried that basket from the other day again. This time, it was filled with presents, beautifully swathed in red, plaid-patterned gift wrap and adorned by golden and red ribbons.

Ichiro's gaze wandered from the basket over to Dima's side, where he got injured, to subtly scan the area since he was surprised that the Russian already moved as usual again.

"It still hurts but heals well. If I move cautiously, it is bearable. Thank you for your concern, Mr St. James." He smiled genuinely, and Ichiro clenched his teeth, as he was annoyed that Dmitrij immediately had caught on.

"What do you intend to do if Claire asks about your family?" Ichiro asked in a low voice while his eyes briefly darted over to the kitchen archway.

Pain and sadness contorted the Russian's features for a brief moment, but he quickly pulled himself together again. "I will try to avoid the topic. However, if someone should ask, I will lie for now, as I do not wish to ruin anyone's holidays. In a few weeks, I will let them know that they died in a road accident."

"Will you attend their funerals? Should be soon, right?"

"There will be an investigation since they were murdered, which is why they..." he swallowed and lightly shook his head. "Their bodies remain means of evidence until January, at least. I will travel to Russia after New Year's Eve."

Ichiro nodded understandingly and inhaled to ask another question as Claire's squealing cut him off.

"Dima!" 

She smiled brightly and pulled him into a squeezing hug, and Dmitrij immediately put on his mask again. "So good to see you! How have you been? How's business?"

"Business is thriving, and I am doing well, thank you for asking."

_ Liar _ .

Ichiro quirked a brow at Claire's last question and his puzzled gaze immediately locked with Dmitrij's again; however, it was his stepmother who did the explanation.

"Oh, hasn't he told you yet? Dima is also a broker; a pretty successful one at that, as you can see at his car, or his watches, for example." She chuckled. 

"Is that so... A broker, huh?" Ichiro clicked his tongue.

"Yes, Mr St. James — I will give you my contact information," he stated in a calm voice while drawing a business card from a small case to hand it over. "Should you ever require help with stock market investments, do not hesitate to contact me." His confident gaze was challenging and full of poise, which made it clear that the broker disguise was built on a legit foundation as to not raise suspicion.

"That's why I'm so happy that he became my teacher!" Claire continued and cut through the tense air. "Dima is the most popular trainer in his agency, but rarely available due to his main job. And since he also only takes one client at a time, I really can call myself lucky that I was the one."

"So, giving Claire yoga lessons and hanging out with my family is nothing but a mere time killer for you?" Ichiro lashed out, but Dmitrij smiled calmly and shook his head.

"It is pleasant compensation for a rather stressful work, and I would not change a thing, Mr St. James."

"You sure are a busy and righteous man, aren't you, Dima?" Eyes still fixed on Dmitrij, Ichiro shoved the card into his back pocket and smirked in disdain.

"Anyway!" Claire clapped her hands and smiled. "I wanted you to come earlier for a reason, Dima." She turned to Ichiro and gently squeezed his shoulder. "Please, escort him to the living room. I'll let the rest know that he's here, and we'll join you in a minute."

"Gladly." 

Reciprocating his stepmother's smile, he shifted his gaze back to Dmitrij and gestured to the double door. "After you."

After Dmitrij placed his presents beneath the tree, he sat down on the sofa near the fireplace and checked his smartphone. 

Arms folded over his chest, Ichiro watched him calmly from his spot at the large window. He had planned to wait in silence, but something bothered him, and he decided to address the Russian anyway while slowly walking over to him.

"I hope you know that they genuinely care about you — my family really likes you, Dmitrij, and considers you a friend. Claire loves you in her Claire-way; are you aware of that?"

Dmitrij heaved a deep breath, put his phone away and gazed up to lock eyes with Ichiro, who stood right in front of him by now.

"Yes, I am aware, Mr St. James; hence the presents I brought."

Ichiro huffed and clicked his tongue. "Those mean nothing. Anybody can spend a little money on someone. That doesn't mean they care. You're simply polite."

Dmitrij nodded and slightly inclined his head. "I am of rather polite nature, that is true. However, I did not bring those out of politeness. 

"It is correct that I did not care about this household's people in the beginning. To be honest, my entire life, I did not care about anyone or anything but my own family. But that has changed — alas only recently. Although that still is better than never, I assume."

"Oh, really? Dmitrij Kasakow had a change of heart? My, what a wonderful development," Ichiro scoffed and pressed a hand to his chest. "I wonder what happened to make that possible." Glaring at him, he turned away and walked over to the buffet table.

"It was you, Mr St. James."

Ichiro whirled around and stared at him while Richard and Rayne appeared in the living room — a cake-carrying Claire in tow, who full-throatedly sang Happy Birthday. Nonetheless, Ichiro's eyes stayed glued to the Russian's face. Like a deer in the spotlight, he was unable to avert his gaze, as his mind feverishly tried to comprehend the meaning behind Dmitrij's words.

It was him, who got Dmitrij's change into motion? But how? All he ever did was treating him without an ounce of respect. He had a hunch that the Russian had developed some sort of feelings for him; however, Ichiro thought it was more like possessive desire than of profound nature. Was he lying? Scheming something? That could be the case, but something felt off.

Frowning, he watched how Dmitrij became visibly embarrassed and overwhelmed, apparently not knowing how to react to Claire's exuberant display of affection. However, Gabriel was the one who unintentionally came to his rescue, as he suddenly entered the room as well. He had been out for the day to visit his teammate to apologise — Ichiro wondered if it went well. 

They locked eyes, and Gabriel smiled, subtly nodding before he shifted his gaze to the Russian to congratulate him.

A small sigh escaped Ichiro's lips as he watched his soon-to-be ex-lover from head to toe. He wore black cloth slacks and a skin-tight, black turtleneck sweater that enveloped and empathised his muscular frame in the most flattering way possible. Gabriel looked fantastic, and the winning smile he offered Richard as they started talking, ignited a painful sensation in Ichiro's heart. 

His lover was incredibly handsome, with an endearing nature and radiant charm, and a successful, much-loved, and promising athlete who will go far. And Ichiro was nothing but a hindrance in every aspect.

_ What does someone like him even like about a petty loser like me in the first place, huh? I bet, he'll realise that I never was good enough for him soon after we part ways. And one day, when he won a dozen Olympic gold medals, all that will be left for me is staring at him on billboards and magazines, wondering if he remembers the weird Japanese, he once thought to love.  _

_ He's destined to be wealthy and internationally successful, and I... _

_ I probably should finish my architecture study, so that I, at least, will have a job and a roof above my head when I die alone. _

_ He was out of my league from the start.  _

Ichiro had to avert his gaze as tears started to well up, and quickly walked over to the buffet to prepare some hot chocolate, but his stepmother blocked his plan.

"Ichi, would you fetch Dima's presents, please? He can have the Christmas one as well already because we won't see each other until January." She gently squeezed his shoulder and sauntered back over to the rest of the group.

_ This really isn't my day... _

Biting his lip, as he was still irritated over the Russian's words, Ichiro took a deep breath and went over to the Christmas tree to get his presents. He thought it would be alright to simply hand them to Claire, so she could do the rest since she was the one who insisted on getting something for him. However, his stepmother obviously had different plans as she smiled brightly while grabbing his wrist as he wanted to turn away again. 

"Since you were the one who went out of his way and thoughtfully purchased something for Dima, you should also be the one who hands it over, don't you think?"

Ichiro knew Claire didn't mean any harm, and unintentionally put him on the spot, but that didn't make the situation less unpleasant for him.

All eyes were focused on him — funnily enough, it was Dmitrij himself who looked as displeased as Ichiro felt.

"Claire, I think the young master—"

"Happy birthday, Dmitrij." Ichiro quickly handed him the presents without looking at him. "The flat one is for Christmas." Heaving a breath, he bowed slightly and went back to the buffet table. He could feel Dmitrij's gaze at the back of his neck, and the sudden silence that followed threatened to crush him. Luckily, Rayne started speaking and immediately erased the tension.

"Unwrap them, Dima! Nooow! Please, I'm so curious!"

"Christ, stop pestering him," Gabriel scolded her, which filled the room with Claire's and Richard's laughter. 

After making himself a hot chocolate, Ichiro turned around and tensely watched how Dmitrij carefully unwrapped his birthday present.

"Have you wrapped it, Mr St. James?" he asked without looking at him.

"Yes."

"It looks so beautiful that I rather not want to ruin it."

"And yet, you did," Ichiro muttered under his breath while lifting the mug to his lips. 

However, Dmitrij seemed to have heard him nonetheless, as his gaze immediately shifted to him.

_ I've bought presents for my rapist, whom I've kissed, celebrate Christmas and his birthday with him, and will break up with my boyfriend, whom I love, after the fancy party that's about to start. My life sure is fantastic. _

Ichiro started to feel nauseous at the absurd scene that felt so surreal.

"A book? Awww, that's lame," Rayne stated with a disappointed voice and pulled him out of his thoughts. 

"Die unendliche Geschichte — und sogar eine Erstausgabe des Thienemanns Verlags," (The neverending Story — and an edition princeps of the Thinemanns publisher even) Dmitrij muttered while carefully flicking through the pages. He looked up to lock eyes with Ichiro, and a genuine smile spread across his tired-looking features. "Ich danke Ihnen sehr für dieses wirklich wunderbare Geschenk, Mr St. James." (Thank you very much for this truly marvellous present.)

"Das hab' ich nicht für dich getan, sondern für Claire, damit das klar ist. Bilde dir also nichts drauf ein." (I haven't done it for you but for Claire, just for the record. So, don't flatter yourself.)

"What the heck are they talking, Klingon?" Rayne asked and made Ichiro look over to his family. They stared curiously at him, except for his father, who smiled proudly. "Your German has become so good that you can speak it fluently already? I really am impressed, Ichi."

"Yeah..." Blushing, he rubbed the back of his fingers across the tip of his nose. "I'm sorry, that was rude since you can't understand anything. The book is a German original. I bought it because Dima speaks German as well, and he collects old books, so... Anyway, he just said thanks, that's it." 

He felt his cheeks even more heating up, and while quickly averting his gaze, he locked eyes with Gabriel, who tilted his head in response.

He looked as if he wanted to say something, but bit down on his lip, narrowed his eyes, and kept quietly watching him instead.

Ichiro walked over to him and gently brushed his fingers over Gabriel's waist. "What is it, hm?" he breathed in a low voice while locking eyes with the swimmer again.

Gabriel blushed and wetted his lips. "Well... hearing you talk in a different language is ... hot, and I had to think about, mh..." he swallowed.

"To think about what, Mister Montgomery?"

They gazed intensely at each other, and the sudden sexual tension was almost palpable. Gabriel leaned down and reached for Ichiro's face while he was about to say something, but got cut off before he could even start.

"Tickets for The Nutcracker? Ballet? Man, that's another lame gift! Nii-san, what the hell is wrong with you? Seriously, are you an old man in disguise?!"

Gabriel and Ichiro sighed in unison and turned to face Rayne, who was still grimacing.

"Rayne, dear, don't you think it's more important that Dima likes his presents?" Richard voiced carefully while gently patting his stepdaughter's shoulder.

"Exactly!" Claire smiled and addressed Dmitrij cheerfully. "And I'm sure you like them, right?"

He nodded in response. "I certainly do, thank you very much, Claire." He nodded to Richard as well, then turned to Ichiro. "And thank you for these thoughtful picks."

"Did you know that my son was a ballet dancer himself, back in Japan?"

Before Dmitrij could react, Rayne's eyes became wide as saucers. "What?! Is that true?"

"Thank you, dad," Ichiro muttered under his breath as he forced himself to smile while Gabriel soothingly stroke his back.

"Yes, it is. I was a ballet dancer for more than ten years and stopped just before I decided to move here."

"That's so freaky," Rayne murmured while staring at him in awe. "Can you still do, dunno how it's called, some of your moves?"

He started to chuckle, whereas Claire excitedly clapped her hands. "Yes, darling, please, show us something!"

"Mr St. James, you do not have to, if it makes you uncomf—" Dima didn't finish his sentence but joined Rayne in staring in awe at Ichiro.

He had lifted a leg to grab his foot and pulled it in a smooth and graceful half-turn above his head until he stood in a vertical split. Ichiro didn't say anything, nor had he put down his mug but stared indifferently at them as he slowly moved his leg back to the ground.

Dmitrij swallowed thickly and wetted his lips, his expression a mix of admiration and fascination. Ichiro quickly averted his gaze, ashamed and disgusted that his cheeks started blushing in response.

"Wow. Nii-san, that was—wow."

"That was freaking impressive, Ichi, awesome..." Gabriel whispered, whereas Richard and Claire proudly smiled at him.

"Mr St. James," Dmitrij cleared his throat and Ichi saw from the corner of his eye, that the Russian took a step forward. "Would you do me the honour to see the performance with me? If Gabriel has no objections, of course."

"Ichi sure doesn't need my permission, Dima. He's an adult and can do whatever he wants to," Gabriel stated in a matter-of-fact tone that made Ichiro look up to him. Gazing at each other, Ichiro noticed the subtle sadness in his lover's expression, and the feeling that he, as well, had come to a decision, became more and more prominent. What Gabriel just said didn't correlate with his stance in their conversation on Sunday, and on top of that, he told Ichiro last week that he didn't like seeing him with Dmitrij.

However, since yesterday, the atmosphere abruptly had changed and felt almost too easy-going — it was like Gabriel drifted from one extreme to the other. He suddenly seemed a lot calmer and more serene than the weeks before. Ichiro couldn't pinpoint it, but it felt like the harbinger of a farewell.

"Oh, that's a wonderful idea, don't you think, darling?" Claire asked in a high-pitched voice, clearly happy about the bond she was convinced to see developing.

Ichiro looked over to her and smiled without saying anything.

"You and Dima make such a good pair since so many of your interests align. I see a beautiful friendship blossoming here," she shifted her gaze to her yoga teacher "I'm so happy for you, Dima! You really should have one good friend, at last, you know? Work isn't enough to fill a life, it'll make you sorrowful eventually!"

A strained smile on his lips, Dmitrij's eyes wandered from Claire to Ichiro. He cleared his throat once more, and Ichiro arched a brow as he noticed a sudden, yet fierce blush spread about the Russian's deadly pale cheeks — an entirely new sight.

"Mr St. James, I am sorry, I did not mean to put you on the spot. Your demonstration and the fact that you are a ballet dancer yourself were a delightful surprise, and my excitement— well ..." he wetted his lips again. "I got carried away a bit. Please, do not hesitate to decline; there is no need to accept my invitation out of politeness."

Sighing, Ichiro bowed lightly.

"It was inconsiderate of me to assume that you have friends, or a lover to go with. So, technically, I was the one who put you on the spot by buying two tickets, "he fixed his gaze at Dmitrij again, "since you obviously have no one." 

Nothing but the sound of Gabriel clearing his throat filled the air. 

Ichiro narrowed his eyes and smirked a little as he saw Dmitrij's jaw muscles tense up. "However, as an apology for my rude behaviour, I'll visit the performance with you."

Now it was Dmitrij who smirked as he pulled his phone from his pocket. "You have my utmost gratitude, Mr St. James. 

"I would appreciate it if you would give me your contact details as we should discuss further details in the upcoming days. The tickets are for the performance on Saturday, after all, so we don't have much time to plan."

For a brief moment, the two men watched each other, sneering and emitting sparks as they stared each other down. Ichiro would love to wipe that smile off of the Russian's face, but on the other side, he was relieved that he hadn't become a spineless wuss. However, that thought irritated him as well, as he couldn't understand why he even cared.

"Certainly." Inclining his head a little, he nodded subtly while handing Dmitrij his phone to transfer his contact information.

"Ew, the way they talk with each other is so polite, stiff and formal that it's almost making me vomit, ugh. Anyone else a hot chocolate? And we should eat the cake before the guests come or those vultures won't leave over a crumb."

"It's not your cake, Rayne," Gabriel nudged her with his elbow as they all walked over to the buffet.

Ichiro broke eye-contact with the Russian after he handed back his phone and addressed his family.

"Please, excuse me for a while. I feel a bit dizzy and will relax a moment. I'll join you again when the guests have arrived."

"Oh no, are you alright, darling?" Claire's expression immediately became concerned, and she quickly walked over to him, checked his temperature and pulled him into a hug. "Listen, my dear, if this is too much trouble for you, you can stay upstairs, okay? I won't force you to hang out with a bunch of strangers if it makes you uncomfortable. We'll have our family day tomorrow anyway, and that's far more important than this party."

Smiling, Ichiro pressed a kiss to his stepmother's cheek, happy about the fact that she always did her best to be considerate. Rayne would object at this point, but to him, Claire was the perfect mother.

"Naaah, it's alright, don't worry. I'll be back in a while, and then, you'll dance with me, alright?"

"Oh, I'd love to, my dear!" 

Hugging once more, they exchanged another genuine smile before Ichiro turned to leave for his room — while Gabriel's concerned gaze followed him.

✵✵✵

The air was filled with Christmas music, and cheerful chatter as Ichiro shuffled down the steps. It was already quarter past eleven as he finally joined the party. He had fallen asleep at one point, and his family apparently decided to leave him be. Although that had been a nice gesture, he wasn't exactly happy about it, as he had to deal with all guests at once now. 

At least, he had been smart this time and wore a rather dull outfit so he wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb — he had learnt his lesson at the barbeque party. Today, he wore a grey, oversized sweater, ripped jeans and his bunny slippers. Since he had tied his hair into a loose ponytail, he looked a bit like he just got out of bed; which wasn't exactly wrong. Yawning, he turned left to enter the hallway to the living room and soon welcomed Claire's guests one after another. 

Most of the faces weren't new to him, as they've already had attended the barbecue, and the few strangers he spotted were engrossed in conversations. He was relieved they weren't interested in him since that meant he quickly could disappear to lurk in a corner and watch the spectacle instead of being on show. 

As he leaned against the doorframe, someone, who wasn't there before suddenly walked past him, and he had to look twice to realise that it was Marcus Keller, their neighbour. Ichiro had greeted David and his wife Marlene before, but he was unaware their son was with them as well.

Although Rayne's former classmate wasn't at all Ichiro's type, he had to admit he looked fairly attractive today. Tight, dark red pants, black boots, a black shirt with cuffed sleeves, red tie and red belt. Usually, the lean guy's wild brown locks covered almost his entire face, but today they were styled and framed his pretty features. 

His freckled cheeks were tinged in pink, and Ichiro could swear he had accentuated his dark brown eyes with a subtle stroke of eyeliner.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=marcusao37dk73.jpg)

Marcus looked good, and it seemed that Gabriel had a similar opinion. He stood at the other side of the room, obviously checking the young guy out — until he felt Ichiro's gaze on him. Suddenly, the swimmer turned bright red, averted his gaze and continued listening to a conversation between two men.

Ichiro huffed a strained laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

_ Oh, Mister Montgomery, you really start to enjoy the sight of guys, hm? I hope you won't turn into a fuck boy as soon as you're single. _

Sighing, he shifted his gaze to Rayne and his father, who were dancing together, which looked rather cute.

Swaying a glass of whiskey in his hand, Dmitrij sauntered over to him.

The Russian looked up at the adorned mistletoe that was attached to the white-painted wood, smiled and locked eyes with Ichiro, who just had noticed his approach.

"Are you familiar with this specific tradition, Mr St. James?"

Crossing his arms, Ichiro sighed in annoyance. "Which one?"

Dmitrij's gaze briefly darted up to the disposition of sprigs and back to Ichiro, whose eyes had followed him.

He quirked a brow and frowned over the realisation of its meaning.

"What is it, Dima, do you plan to kiss me?" he asked, a cheesy smile on his lips.

The glint in his eyes and the subtle shift in the nuance of his tone made Dmitrij briefly arch a brow in puzzlement.

"Hm... I am left wondering if you secretly want me to, Mr St. James," he remarked with a sultry edge to his deep voice.

Breaking the eye contact, Ichiro wetted his lips and swallowed, eliciting a faint smile from Dmitrij. 

"Mmmh, tempting; especially since I vividly remember how soft they feel." 

The Russian subtly inclined his head as his gaze lowered down to Ichiro's mouth where it kept lingering while he addressed the man on the other side of the room. 

"Gabriel, if you do not wish for me to act accordingly to the traditions, I suggest for you to trade places with me, as the young master is standing beneath a mistletoe."

They looked at each other again, and Dmitrij narrowed his eyes, a fond smile adorning his features — obviously delighted by Ichiro's bewildered expression.

"Enjoy your evening, Mr St. James," he breathed while gazing intensely at him. "I can hardly wait for our engagement on Saturday."

"...so freaking vexatious; I can't stand you. Why are you like this?" Ichiro muttered under his breath, his cheeks flush.

"Because you secretly like it, Mr St. James."

Dmitrij squinted, the corner of his mouth twitching into a cocky grin.

"Fuck you and your overly self-assertive attitude," Ichiro murmured while glaring at him.

Smirking, the Russian bowed lightly, lifted his glass in greeting and turned to walk over to Claire and her friends, nonchalantly joining their conversation.

"Are you alright?"

"Wha— yeah." He looked up and locked eyes with Gabriel, who reached for his waist to pull him close. "You sure? You look pretty irritated."

"I'm fine, don't worry. Dima's attitude is just getting on my nerves sometimes."

"I see..." Gabriel gently caressed Ichiro's lower back while searching his gaze. "You two have become close lately, hm?"

"What? No, absolutely not." Scowling, Ichiro averted his gaze.

"Uh-huh; if you say so." 

Gabriel tipped up his chin and tenderly brushed his knuckles across his lover's jawline. "You saw me checking out the Keller boy earlier, right?"

Nodding, Ichiro shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, but I don't mind."

Sighing, Gabriel stroked his chin. "Ichi... Can we talk after the party?"

_ So, I was right. _

Ichiro smiled faintly and rubbed his upper arm. "Yeah, sure. It's overdue anyway, huh?"

The swimmer didn't answer but clenched his teeth and averted his gaze, and Ichiro squeezed his hand.

"It's alright, Gabriel, don't worry. Anyway; I'll go to the kitchen for a while. I need a bit of quietness. Meanwhile, you should talk to Marcus since he's waiting for it."

Gabriel frowned in confusion as Ichiro let go of his hand, and even though it was only briefly, his eyes quickly darted over to Marcus, who reciprocated his look with a smile.

"Ichi, I—"

"Do whatever you want, Gabriel, because you've already come to terms with it anyway, it seems. I'll be in the kitchen. See you later."

"Wait, Ichi; what are you talking about? I haven't said anything."

"You don't have to because I know it already. Just leave me alone for now, please. We'll talk later."

With a crooked smile on his lips, Ichiro vanished in the hallway without looking at Gabriel once more.


	26. Under the Mistletoe - Part Two

Gabriel lowered his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

The current turn of events was far from how he wanted the evening to proceed. He thought he could enjoy his last night with Ichi. That they would share a few more pleasant hours before they part ways. However, that was a narrow-minded thought, as he was about to break his lover's heart and playing nice until then was not only selfish but incredibly cruel.

And also impossible from the start, as he was tense and agitated since he had entered the house. 

Seeing Ichi threw his mind into chaos over and over again because he wanted to touch, embrace, and kiss him so badly, but couldn't, as it wasn't right. And now, his awkward behaviour had made his perceptive lover suspicious. It pained him to see that Ichiro, more or less, already knew what was about to happen — and on top of that, he had to see him check out the Keller boy. 

Marcus looked different from when they've last met, which was in summer at Rayne's and his graduation, and his change in appearance was what had piqued Gabriel's interest. He still was short and had a delicate physique, similar to Ichi, but less muscular. 

His styling was top-notch with a graceful touch; just like Ichi's. However, even though Ichiro often wore makeup like eyeliner and mascara, Marcus looked a lot more feminine than his lover. Gabriel found 'the scrawny Keller boy' suddenly quite appealing, which made him realise, he definitely had a type _and_ was generally interested in guys. This type was just rare to find, it seemed, as Ichi was the first one he had ever met.

The sudden vibration of his phone pulled Gabriel out of his thoughts. Fishing it out of his pocket, he leaned against the archway to read Raphael's final response.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ch27ao3rbjx5.jpg)

"At least that goes smoothly," he murmured and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Sighing, Gabriel looked over to Marcus. He talked to an older guy, who was touching him often enough to make Gabriel feel uncomfortable just by watching it. Although Marcus was smiling, he couldn't help thinking that he probably only was too polite to reject that guy's inappropriate advances.

Scowling, Gabriel clicked his tongue and walked over to the odd pair.

"Hey, Keller, long time no see."

He gently patted his shoulder, stopped next to him and straightened up to full height while eyeing the middle-aged man in front of him.

"I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?"

With a disarming smile on his lips, he cocked his head and stared intensely at the guy, who quickly shook his head in response.

"Of course not, haha! I was just about to grab something to eat anyway. You young lads have fun together, aye? Merry Christmas!"

The guy grinned awkwardly, shuffled over to the buffet, and Gabriel turned around to face Marcus.

"You should put your guard up, Keller. Anyway, we haven't seen each other since your graduation — how have you been?"

Smirking, Marcus crossed his arms and inclined his head. "Gabriel Montgomery, our jock and sugar daddy cockblock, what an honour to get rescued by you."

"Sugar daddy cockblock?" Puzzled, Gabriel raised a brow and stared at Marcus, but the gorgeous young man only smirked.

"I'm doing quite well, thank you; the university life is rather pleasant. How about you, hm? Seems like your life took quite the turn." He smiled meaningfully.

Clearing his throat, Gabriel nodded. "Yeah, you could say that, I guess. You saw Ichi a couple of times already, right?"

Marcus hummed in response and briefly looked over to the double door where the Japanese had spent most of the evening.

"I'm only home on weekends, if at all, and ran into him occasionally, but I didn't talk to him." He sighed. "I'm afraid, we're absolutely not on the same wavelength."

"Frowning, Gabriel tilted his head. "What makes you say that? You can hardly judge people when you haven't even talked to them."

Marcus smiled anew and shook his head lightly. "Let's say, there's standing an obvious reason like a monolith right in our midst."

Exhaling audibly, the swimmer rubbed his forehead. "Well, talking quite cryptic you two sure have in common, at least."

Marcus' bright laughter filled the air. Squinting, he pressed the tip of his tongue between his teeth and watched Gabriel intensely.

"So, you've noticed that I've changed, huh?"

"Why, yes." Gabriel felt heat creeping up his neck. "It's pretty obvious because you basically look like an entirely different person. Aside from, uh, your frame. Is it rude if I ask about your weight?"

"If it's rude if a muscular hunk like you asks a small and delicate guy like me about his weight, hm... what do you think?" Biting his lip, Marcus smirked again and watched the blush on Gabriel's cheeks intensifying.

"Well, yeah, I'm sorry." He cleared his throat. "Didn't mean to humiliate you or anything."

"Haaah, Montgomery ... so charming. I was obviously kidding. I might be shorter and thinner than the average guy, but I'm pretty pleased with that. 

"I think your lover and I are of the same height, but I'm definitely more petite than him; 56kg. However, I like being delicate, smooth and soft, without hard muscles because I love feeling fragile under a big and strong hand's grip."

He took a sip from his hot chocolate and slowly licked the cream from his lips.

Gabriel swallowed thickly in response and averted his gaze.

"Montgomery, are you not feeling well? Your face is all red, you know?" Marcus' tone was teasing, and Gabriel had trouble keeping up with the situation's development.

Why was Keller acting so oddly? If Gabriel didn't know it better, he'd think he was flirting with him, but that couldn't be. Rayne once joked around and said Marcus probably had a crush on him, which was the reason for him acting strange whenever they've had met, but Gabriel thought, he simply was shy. 

However, he had to admit that the young man's change didn't only refer to his appearance, but to his attitude as well, indeed. Suddenly, he acted quite bold, talkative and extroverted. He had become pretty self-confident — in barely five months. Marcus Keller basically underwent a full package glow-up, and Gabriel wasn't only fascinated but reasonably bewildered. Especially about the effect the skinny and former plain boy from back then suddenly had on him.

"Montgomery?"

"Hm? What?" Embarrassed, he scratched the back of his neck, as Marcus' voice stopped his train of thoughts. It was a rich chest voice of higher tone, but not too high, very smooth to the ear and had a constant sultry edge that made Gabriel's stomach tingle in response. 

It sounded way too similar to Ichi's. 

Although he couldn't help it, it made him feel guilty and uncomfortable that his body was responding like this.

"Spacing out on me, hm? Am I that boring?" Marcus winked and took another sip of his hot chocolate.

"No, of course not, I'm sorry. I was just wondering why your voice suddenly sounds so different from before."

Narrowing his eyes, Marcus smirked. "Because I've figured out that the response for talking with a chest- rather than a head voice is, mh, more beneficial, you could say." Winking, he cocked his head while his smirk grew wider. "Why? Does it— do _I_ have a positive effect on you?"

Gabriel knit his brows and averted his gaze. "I simply noticed it, that's all."

"But your cheeks are flushed, you know?"

Exhaling audibly, Gabriel internally cursed his body for its betrayal and locked eyes with Marcus again.

"It was a pretty busy and exhausting day. Guess, I'm just tired."

"Wanna go outside to get some fresh air?"

"Ah, no, that would be a bit rude. Since I'm currently living here, I should help Claire and Richard and make sure that the party goes smoothly."

"What a pity..." Marcus glanced meaningfully at him. He then quirked a brow, smiled anew and stretched out his hand.

"Give me your phone and let me save my number for you. We should hang out someday, don't you think? Now that we get along so well."

Slightly frowning, Gabriel reached into his pocket and handed over his smartphone. "Uh, sure, why not. Do you have something specific in mind because my friends wanted to visit a gay bar soon and you could tag along if you like? If a bunch of gays won't freak you out, I mean."

Marcus snickered while his fingers swiftly tapped the screen, entering letters and numbers. 

"The fastest in the water but rather slow in catching on, hm?" He huffed in amusement as he noticed the swimmer's confused expression. "Endearing. They sure won't freak me out, Gabriel, that I can assure you. Anyway, I'll gladly tag along, but if you ever are bored and alone, don't hesitate to contact me. I don't mind if it's just the two of us." 

He handed back the phone and stared intensely at the swimmer before he winked. "Have you tried the hot chocolate? It's delicious." Taking a step forward to hand Gabriel his cup, Marcus touched his fingers a little longer than necessary. "Have the rest; I'll step outside for a second."

Puzzled, Gabriel watched the young man fishing a pack of menthol cigarettes from his tight pants' back pocket before he vanished through the patio door.

_What the freaking hell was that? And why is he so irritatingly hot?_

✵✵✵

Darius was nervous. For about five minutes already, he stood in front of the door, hesitant to ring the bell. He shifted the Christmas present from one arm to the other, rolled his eyes as he cursed himself internally, and sighed.

"Christ, you fucking coward."

Taking a deep breath, he clicked his tongue and finally pushed the button. It didn't take long for someone to open the door — and his heart skipped a beat as he looked in Ichiro's surprised face.

"You really came, Mr Darcy."

Knitting his brows, Darius offered his friend a crooked smile. "Of course, you dumbass. Why wouldn't I keep my word, huh?"

Ichiro heaved a breath and shrugged his shoulders. "No idea. I think I'm just more anxious than usual lately. Anyway, come on in."

Ichiro ushered him inside, and Darius let his gaze wander about the expensive-looking interior. Everything was covered in a lush Christmas decoration and the entrance hall alone already as big as half of his parent's house.

"Mate, you live in a freaking palace." 

Sighing, his friend nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's too big. I'd prefer something cosy, and that's exactly what I'll get when I move out." He led Darius to the kitchen and smiled apologetically.

"So... a freaking tuxedo, huh? You look so good today, and I'm wearing the most random and casual rags I could find, I'm sorry." He looked down to his slippers and blushed.

Darius' heart melted at Ichiro's sight, as he found his friend quite endearing. The loose ponytail and sweater made him look so fragile and adorable that Darius felt the urge to cuddle and protect him. He wanted to hold and caress Ichiro — and yet, he couldn't because he wasn't allowed to. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if Ichiro would like it if he did.

A crooked smile on his lips, he sighed and shook his head.

"Moron, I'm wearing the tuxedo 'cause princess said your mother's party has a dress code. And you look as good as always, Frosty, don't worry." 

"Thank you," Ichiro muttered while rubbing the tip of his nose. "Um... Would you mind hanging out here? I'm actually not in the mood to join the fancy party squad. Unless you want to, then, uh, we can join them anyway, of course. I mean, if that's what you'd prefer."

Snickering, Darius shook his head and placed the present onto the counter. "What's with you, huh? So considerate and cute. But nah, the kitchen is fine with me. However, as you know, I'm pretty well-mannered, so just let me say hello to everyone, especially to your parents, and we can go back here."

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Smiling, Ichiro turned to leave the kitchen. "Come, the corridor is right next to the staircase — you can't miss the living room because the door is open. In the meantime, I'll go upstairs to fetch your present. Let's meet back in the kitchen after you're done."

Darius' eyes started sparkling. "Mate! Your room! Screw the kitchen, I don't know how you live, at all, so I wanna see your room. Please." He grinned, and Ichiro shook his head. "Weirdo. Alright, come upstairs when you're done. The second door, on the left side, but don't expect too much. I don't have many personal things, and I will only start getting new stuff when I have my own apartment."

"Do you plan to move out?" Darius asked while shoving his present into Ichiro's arms on their way out.

"Well, not right away, but I'd prefer to spread my wings soon. I want to be independent — and as much as I love my family, I need my peace and quiet. Visiting everyone regularly will be much better to handle for me."

"I feel that, and that's what I'm also planning to do. Let's talk about it later because I have something to tell ya." A lopsided grin on his lips, Darius stopped at the corridor's archway. "Aight, I'll make it quick. See you soon — and don't you dare open the present before I'm upstairs."

Darius just had entered the impressive living room, as Gabriel already beckoned him over. He was talking to a pretty and petite guy, and Darius thought, they stood a little too close for a casual conversation. Not to mention the guy's hand that was nonchalantly dropping from Gabriel's waistband as soon as they had locked eyes.

Gabriel's cheeks were flushed; he looked as if someone had caught him in the act. 

The young man was called Marcus, and, apparently, the Gainsborough's neighbour. Darius instantly knew he didn't imagine things before; that guy was into Gabriel and made it pretty obvious. Although it seemed his friend was as clueless as usual. 

Marcus was gorgeous, extroverted but polite with a flirty attitude; he knew how to talk and move to subtly drive his conversation partner to a specific direction. Darius didn't like him because he saw right through the guy's insincere and calculating behaviour — he was two-faced, and Gabriel unaware of it. 

It irritated him that his friend openly flirted with Marcus while Ichiro sat alone in his room. It was disrespectful and shameful in many ways. 

Not only made Gabriel a fool of his lover, no, he also insulted the Gainsborough's helpfulness. They gave him shelter in a difficult time of his life, yet he dared to flirt with someone who wasn't their son; practically right next to them. And after stating he wanted to stick to monogamy because he wasn't willed to share Ichi — his behaviour was absurd.

After exchanging the usual getting-to-know pleasantries with Marcus, Darius arched a brow and shot Gabriel a meaningful glare. "How about focusing on your other guests as well for a change? Me, to be precise. You could introduce me to your boyfriend's parents. I'd like to thank them for their hospitality."

"Yes, of course." Swallowing, Gabriel nodded and hesitantly locked eyes with Marcus. "Uh, sorry, but... Well, see you later, I guess."

"M-hm, I'll be waiting." Marcus smirked and lifted his drink in greeting before he turned to the passing Darius. "Well played, but you're too late — I've already scored," he breathed and looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. 

"Oh, I'm aware, pretty boy, but pride comes before a fall. Might take a while but when it happens, I'll be there and blow you a kiss." 

With a smug grin on his lips, Darius winked and gave him the most derogative look he could manage before he left.

Claire and Richard were incredibly nice people, and after giving Richard a meticulous once over, Darius finally knew where Ichiro had his good looks from. 

Talking with them felt like they knew each other for quite a while already, as they were on the same wavelength. It was casual and genuine — Darius liked Ichiro's parents immediately, and the feeling obviously was mutual. They treated him with so much kindness and affection that it was almost overwhelming. 

After he assured to visit more often and to join their dinner on New Year's Day, he and Gabriel leisurely strolled over to a slightly secluded living room suite. 

Darius wanted to talk to his friend more privately, as the issue with Marcus bothered him too much to simply let it slide.

A pale-looking man in elegant clothes, and with an intimidating aura was sitting in one of the designer armchairs. He was reading a book and looked up when they approached him.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=christmastrioao31kks9.jpg)

"Good evening. Am I right to assume that you two were looking for a quiet place to talk?"

He had a rich-sounding, deep bass voice, a heavy Russian accent and a refined way to express himself. His sharp and chiselled features and the piercing eyes only empathised Darius' first impression; he was intimidating, yet eerily good-looking.

"Uh, yes. Hi." He walked over and extended a hand. "Darius Nowak, I'm a friend of Ichiro and Gabriel."

Dmitrij nodded in greeting while standing up and slowly shook his hand in a firm grip. Darius felt tiny next to him, as he was even taller than Gabriel.

"Dmitrij Kasakow. I am Mrs Gainsborough's yoga teacher and friend of the family." 

"Oh, you're Dima! I've heard about you."

"I see."

The guy's corner of the mouth twitched into a slight smirk as he looked past Darius to lock eyes with Gabriel. "If it is confidential, I will take my leave."

Arms crossed, Gabriel slowly walked a few steps closer, made Darius move aside and squared his shoulders right in front of Dmitrij.

"You know what? I don't care. I mean, since last Sunday, you and Ichi are pretty close, aren't you? So, I think you'll be the first one who'll hear about it anyway."

A smug grin on his lips, Dmitrij inclined his head a little. 

"It is quite telling that you are angry and jealous due to your own unfaithfulness. I saw you with David's son before, Gabriel. Just because you are immediately responding to someone's advances, with poorly veiled ulterior motives at that, does not mean that the young master is equally pathetic."

 _'Astute, straightforward, not afraid to butt heads with Gabe, and protective of Frosty — what role exactly is that guy playing here?'_ Darius asked himself before addressing the man.

"I might not know you, Mr Kasakow, but you seem to be very perceptive because that's spot-on."

"It is interesting that you, as his friend, are sharing my views. Mr St. James is a kind and loyal man; however, he gets taken advantage of far too often, as he has trouble with rejecting people."

"May I ask why he's the only one you're calling by his last name?"

"Certainly. It is because I have the utmost respect for Mr St. James and also want to keep a courteous distance, as he and I are no friends."

Quirking a brow, Darius crossed his arms. "You're not? The way you're talking about him made me think you're close."

Dmitrij shook his head. "We are not. Mr St. James does not like me, yet he always politely interacts with me since he knows that his family is quite fond of me. One of the many reasons that strengthen the admiration I have for him, as he acts very mature, level-headed and always is considerate of others."

"On the other hand," he shifted his gaze back at Gabriel to lock eyes with him. "I could not care less about this young man here, as he is immature, inconsiderate, self-centred and narrow-minded. Too busy with himself to ask for clarification and prefers to dwell in the ridiculous aftermaths of his own twisted views." 

He looked back at Darius and smiled apologetically. 

"Anyhow, enough of that now. I cannot believe that I let myself get carried away over this absurd topic; my apologies. Do not mind me; I will continue reading."

Dmitrij sat back down without wasting another glance at Gabriel and flipped open his book again.

"You're arrogant and rude, Dima," Gabriel growled.

"Arrogant, yes, but certainly not rude, as I am merely stating facts," he replied without looking up. "If you would excuse me now; even the index of this novel is far more interesting than a barren discussion with you, Gabriel."

Inhaling sharply, Darius quirked a brow and curled his lips while turning away.

"I'm thoroughly impressed. That guy verbally thrashed you in a very eloquent and quick-witted way," he whispered while glancing at Gabriel.

The swimmer's jaw was clenched as he still glared at Dmitrij who purposefully ignored him. "Can't stand that bastard, he muttered while turning to stride over to the other side of the corner."

"Welp... I'm almost sure he doesn't give a shit about that. Anyhow," Darius turned around to face Gabriel. "Back to topic. Haven't you just full-throatedly announced to stick with the monogamous relationship concept?"

"I have," Gabriel murmured, his brows knit. "Why do you ask?"

"Does your rule only apply to Frosty? Because I'd like to know why you were," he gestured vaguely, "doing whatever with that pretty femboy since that's basically exactly what you've blocked your lover from doing. And don't try to play it down; I saw Marcus' hand dropping from your pants, and that's a bit more than casually flirting with someone."

"He just checked out my belt."

Darius snorted and swallowed his laughter while gesturing Gabriel to continue. 

"I know Marcus for several years already, and as far as I know, he's not into guys."

Rolling his eyes, Darius huffed a laugh. "Jesus Christ, you're so naive and dense, Gabe, seriously, it's not even funny anymore." Frowning, he tilted his head. "Ichiro is upstairs, alone, and you're here, having fun with another guy, who coincidently fits your individual dating rules. Don't you think that's kinda fucked up?"

Gabriel took a deep breath and rubbed his face. "First of all, he wanted to be alone. Ichi explicitly stated that I shall leave him alone. However, after tonight, whatever I'm doing doesn't matter anymore to him anyway."

Grimacing, Darius sighed. "And what's that supposed to mean? Sounds like a line from a dramatic soap opera."

Gabriel locked eyes with Darius, his expression petrified. "I'll break up with Ichi."

Darius' heart skipped a beat, his fingers grew cold, and he felt all the blood draining from his face. 

"Are you fucking with me?"

His friend slowly shook his head; a striking sadness in his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Darius slowly walked over to the wall to lean against it. A thick lump formed in his throat, as he knew it would break Ichiro's heart to part ways with Gabriel. His friend would be devastated, and Darius would be the one who would have to collect the shards of his heart. And he would have to manage to put them back together before he left for Canberra. 

Canberra.

Darius huffed and rubbed his face. His friends breaking up meant that deciding on a whim to take the offer to study in Canberra was in vain. He only took it out of frustration over not being able to be with Ichiro. To get some distance between them, so his heart could get rid of the feelings he had developed for his friend. However, now, they technically _could_ become a thing, but it was too late already. 

This was the biggest slap in the face Darius could imagine. Anger and frustration welled up in him, alongside fear. He was afraid Ichiro wouldn't handle his decision well. Losing another dear person so soon after the breakup, and without having healed a bit — Darius didn't even want to imagine how that would affect him. He knew that Ichiro's mind was a fragile and unstable place of emotions — he would have to find a way to secure his friend's wellbeing before he left.

Initially, he wanted to tell him about Canberra today, but now, he thought that would be a bad idea. He'd have to find an excuse and make up a story since Ichiro was waiting for him to tell something important.

Clenching his teeth, he looked back at Gabriel.

"Why?"

"Because it's not working out. I love Ichi, and I know he loves me, but that's not enough. We're dating for two months, and all we did was hurting each other. I want to be with him, but not under the current circumstances. I hope, if we focus on ourselves and our lives for a while, if we work hard to get our shit together and get rid of our issues, it will work out in the future."

"That's surprisingly plausible and mature of you."

"It was Marlon's suggestion."

Darius groaned and rubbed his face again. "Of course, it was." He sighed and looked back at Gabriel. "Well... Marlon is no fool; when he suggests something like that, he's doing it because he knows there isn't a better solution. So... I guess I can't even be mad at anyone here."

His friend nodded and bit his lip before he addressed him anew. "It's not that I want to. I already feel like shit, believe me, but I know it's for the best. I cling to the idea of getting back together again when we're ready for it. That's kinda consoling."

Darius watched him quietly for a moment before he took a deep breath.

"Alright, back to Marcus; and whoever might follow. Listen, do whatever you want when you're single, I don't give a shit, but if you dare to do it, so Ichiro gets wind of it, I'll punch you in the throat, got that? What you're doing after a few months doesn't matter, but don't humiliate and wound him right after leaving his house."

Clicking his tongue, Gabriel glared at him. "Who do you think I am?"

"Yeah, good question. I'm wondering about that myself lately. You've changed a lot, and not for the better. It's almost as if I don't know you at all."

"Stop with this horseshit. I'd never do that. I won't do anything anyway. I'll concentrate on swimming and the Olympics."

Darius huffed a laugh. "Yeah, right... Let's see for how long that'll be your only concern. 

"Anyway, I better get going. I'll exchange presents with Frosty and leave. You better get over with it quickly. Don't make him suffer by keeping flirting with that curly-haired brat while your lover sits upstairs."

Gabriel laughed scornfully. "Ah, yes, you upholder of moral standards. As if you aren't happy that you've finally free reign."

"Oh, please, shut your mouth, Gabe, seriously. _You're_ the one who's about to break Frosty's heart, not me. And yeah, part of me _is_ happy that you'll break up, I won't deny that; however, I will not jump into a relationship with him. First of all, he needs time to heal from you. Hopping from one relationship into the next won't do him good. Second, I'm going to Canberra in six weeks — it wouldn't have a future, anyway."

"You— What?"

"Yeah. Don't say anything to Frosty, I'll soon tell him about it myself; well, _actually_ , I wanted to say it today. However, he probably can't handle losing two people in one night since you decided it would be a good idea to shred his heart on Christmas Eve, for fuck's sake."

Suddenly, the anger that had settled down on Gabriel's features before quickly vanished.

"Canberra? You'll stop swimming?"

Clenching his teeth, Darius nodded. 

"I'll study to make my Master of Physiotherapy because I want to be part of the athletes' world in my own way. I never wanted to be a swimmer in the first place anyway; I did it because back then, Daryl was too scared to go alone. 

"Anyhow; starting early February, I'll be gone for four years, so, no reason to feel threatened by me. Pretty easy way to cast me off, don't you think? Are you satisfied now?" he snarled and turned around to leave, but Gabriel grabbed his arm.

"Wait, I don't want us to part like this."

"Gabe, don't. Right now, I'm not in the mood — this evening is a mess. 

"I'll invite you all out. Remember the gay club I was talking about? We'll all have a wonderful night there before I leave, and you and I will part on good terms, I promise but don't make me stay right now. I'm too upset to have a rational conversation with you."

Nodding, Gabriel let go of his arm and took a step back.

"Okay... Then... See you, I guess."

"Yeah, whatever."

While Darius walked past Dmitrij, he addressed him loud enough for Gabriel to hear. "Yo, Mr Kasakow, I'm sure you've heard our conversation. You can come as well, you know? That'll be my way of thanking you for standing up for Ichiro. Please, keep doing that. He needs at least one sincere person he can rely on. Goodnight."

Dmitrij lifted his head and frowned as he watched the two men leave in different directions. He didn't know who Darius was or what kind of relationship he had with the young master, but he seemed to be a good guy and obviously cared deeply for him.

Closing the book in his hand, Dmitrij gently stroke his thumb across the cover with the German title.

Mr St. James would not only lose his lover but a dear friend as well it seemed — and quite soon already. Even if they bothered themselves about it, the two men probably didn't even realise what problems that could cause. 

Dmitrij was almost sure the young master didn't talk about his mental issues. However, _he_ knew about the depression as well as the bipolar disorder since he saw the prescripted medication due to Mr St. James' negligence when he brought him the porridge. 

And he was painfully aware of what his own action had caused in summer.

St. James already tried to take his own life once, and who knew if he wouldn't try it anew if everything started to feel unbearable again?

Sighing, Dmitrij reached for his whiskey and took a sip, pondering what he could do to ease the young man's life whom he began to cherish so much. That St. James despised him didn't make things easier, but he would try his best nonetheless, as it was the least he could do. 

_That_ , he did owe him.

✵✵✵

Darius announced himself by gently knocking at the doorframe before he stepped into the only dimly-lit room. He let his gaze wander about the tasteful, modern interior and stopped at the glass door across from him; the sight made his breath hitch. Ichiro stood on a beautiful, lush roof-garden, amidst blooming flowers and plants, and illuminated by the shine of lots of warm-white glowing fairy lights.

Turning around, his friend smiled at him and beckoned him over.

"Technically, this isn't my room anymore, but it's my favourite place. Would you like to sit down for a bit?"

Ichiro gestured to a corner, packed with tons of pillows of various sizes and colours. They were sheltered by a tent-like roof of teal-coloured, transparent fabric and more fairy lights. A small wooden crate, painted in white and with lit candles on top, stood right in front of the pillow heap, and his present laid there as well; right next to another one.

"Holy hell, this looks freaking amazing, Frosty. Not gonna lie, I'm totally envious — of course, I wanna sit down there. I'll probably never leave again. Unless it starts freezing.

Chuckling, Ichiro walked over to his cosy corner, flopped down, and patted the spot next to him. 

"Hurry, I want you to open your present, Mr Darcy."

"Yeah, yeah. You're impatient as fuck, mate."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

Darius grinned and handed Ichiro the present once more.

"Let's unwrap them simultaneously, that's a lot less awkward."

Inhaling audibly, Ichiro handed him a slender, beautifully wrapped box and smiled. "Fantastic idea. It's so embarrassing when people watch you while you unpack their presents."

"Right?! It's the absolute worst. It's like dreaming you went naked to school. Aight, one, two, go!"

Both men started unwrapping their gifts, and Ichiro was the first who gasped.

"A _Totoro_ messenger bag, I'm freaking thrilled; this is so awesome!"

He eyed the beige bag from all angles, gently caressed the _Studio Ghibli_ print and turned to Darius, smiling.

Again, Darius' heart skipped a beat as he looked into his friend's happy face. He even forgot to continue unpacking his present, as Ichiro's reaction was too distracting.

"Do you like it?"

"Are you joking? I love it, thank you!" Ichiro hugged him quickly and turned back to examining his new bag.

"Frosty, open it, there's something inside."

"Really?" Knitting his brows, he opened the bag, reached inside and pulled a second, tiny present from its depth. He carefully unwrapped a bracelet, made of black beads, and a single white, marbled one, with a small, silver hemisphere charm attached.

"Wow, that's beautiful."

"The dark beads are made of black onyx, the light one is white turquoise."

"Do they have a meaning?"

"Google it," Darius whispered and grinned while reaching for the bracelet to tie it around Ichiro's wrist.

"Thank you, Darius, I'll cherish it."

"Mhm, I hope so," he breathed in a low voice.

Smiling, they gazed at each other until Darius felt his heart starting to race. He quickly looked down, continued unwrapping his own gift and broke into a wide grin at its contents.

"I'm almost sure you bought this as a joke, but I absolutely love this movie and haven't read the book yet, so ... this present is amazing, seriously. Thank you, Frosty."

"There's more underneath," Ichiro grinned and pointed at the case.

While knitting his brows, Darius turned it around and removed a drawing from it. " _No Face —_ let me guess, you've drawn it yourself again, right? Your skills are freaking awesome, mate."

His friend hummed in response. "Open it. It's not a simple card."

"Oh?" _'Voucher for a movie night with Frosty, to watch Pride & Prejudice together. Includes a pile of chocolate. Redeemable whenever you want, Mr Darcy.' _

Again, Darius' heart skipped a beat, as the mere thought of spending a calm and cosy evening with Ichiro already made him excited.

"First, the plugs, and now this. You're spoiling me, Frosty."

"You deserve it."

"Do I?"

Again, Ichiro hummed in response in his low voice that always sounded so sexy.

Darius bit his lip and took a deep breath before he leaned over to pull his friend into a casual hug. "Thanks, mate. I really love everything you gave me. And I'll make sure to redeem that voucher soon. Can't wait to watch the movie with you."

He leaned back and smiled at his friend, realising too late how close they were. Ichiro had a soft smile on his lips and slightly inclined his head while he watched Darius quietly. Blinking slowly, he swallowed thickly, which made Darius' breath hitch in response. 

While quickly averting his gaze, he cleared his throat and put the present's contents back together.

"Well, unfortunately, it's already later than I thought. I really should head home now. I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer."

Immediately catching on, Ichiro got up from his seat and smiled.

"Don't worry, it's alright. I'm happy that you could make time at all."

He went inside to hang his new bag onto his wardrobe's handle before he walked over to the corridor. As he noticed Darius behind him, Ichiro stopped at the doorframe, faced him and bowed lightly.

"Again, thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it. You made this dreadful evening a lot better."

"Frosty, hey ... um ... whatever happens, I'm always here for you, you know that, right?"

Ichiro smiled and nodded. "Of course. Thank you, and likewise, by the way."

Reciprocating the smile, Darius ruffled his friend's hair as he noticed something above their head.

"The heck is that? A mistletoe?"

"Huh?" Ichiro looked up and sighed. "Man... Seems like Claire mounted them to every freaking archway and doorframe she cou— Mmmh."

Before he knew what he was doing, Darius had already cupped his friend's cheeks while sealing his lips with a kiss. 

Wasn't a mistletoe the best excuse to do it?

His stomach fluttered as he gently nibbled on Ichiro's bottom lip before sucking it between his own. He briefly grazed it with the tip of his tongue while caressing his friend's cheeks with his thumbs.

The sensation was thrilling, overwhelming, and so sensual that he didn't want to stop, but he had to. Reluctantly, he pulled back, and Ichiro's gaze immediately found his. His cheeks were flush, his lips still parted, and his eyes glazed over. He looked stunningly beautiful, and Darius caught himself imagining how his friend would look if they would take things further. Clearing his throat, he let go of his face and straightened up.

"I'm sorry, I— The mistletoe, and— I didn't think this through, I just—"

Ichiro gently pressed his index finger against Darius' lips and shook his head. "Shhh... Don't ruin it, please." He licked his lips and smiled tenderly. "Thank you for this additional present. I'll cherish it the most."

Darius huffed a strained laugh and smiled as he gave in. Footsteps approached as he caressed his friend's cheek once more before stepping into the hallway. Gabriel stopped right in front of him, briefly glanced at Ichiro and immediately glared at Darius right after. 

"Not wasting time, hm?"

Darius wanted to strangle him, but Ichiro's sharp voice cut through the air.

"He noticed the mistletoe above us — Claire was thorough. Anyway, we just shared a kiss. That's the tradition, right? And for the record, I would've kissed Dima as well as he caught me standing beneath one, but he gave you the advantage. Which reminds me that you didn't care to kiss me."

The air grew tense, and Darius felt like a fish out of water.

"Hey, uh... We can discuss this further, but I somehow feel out of place here, and—"

"Yes, you're superfluous, Darius," Gabriel snarled at him while shooting him a death glare.

"Stop treating your friend like trash, Gabriel, he did nothing wrong. I mean, he can kiss me all he wants, right? Now that we'll break up."

Gabriel's head jerked sideways. Mouth agape, he stared at Ichiro, obviously at a loss for words.

"Don't think I'm stupid, Mister Montgomery, and aside from that, you weren't the only one who made this decision." Ichiro took a deep breath and gazed at Darius, a faint smile on his lips. "I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to hear from it this way."

Confused, Darius grimaced and waved his hands. "Wait, wait... You want to break up with Gabe?"

Ichiro bit his lip and knit his brows. "I think it's best when you leave now; Gabriel and I should talk this out properly."

Darius was shocked over the unexpected development and couldn't manage more than a nod.

"Yeah... I, uh ... I'll find the way out."

"Don't worry about us. I'll call you tomorrow, alright? Thanks again for visiting."

Darius nodded once more, glanced at Gabriel and sighed.

"I love you both, so please, don't fuck it up and part on bad terms. Goodnight."

Gabriel felt horrible as he listened to Darius' footsteps fading away. It wasn't his intention to treat him the way he did, but he was scared, jealous, hurt, nervous and heartbroken. He wasn't himself and couldn't act rationally. And now, after hearing that Ichiro wanted to break up as well? It made him feel like trash. This wasn't how the evening was supposed to take place.

He gazed at his lover who smiled sadly at him while reaching for his hand.

"Let's go inside and talk, hm?"

"Yeah..."

Ichiro led him outside to his cosy corner where he sat down. Gabriel joined him and took a deep breath. He stared at the candle's flame while fumbling for words, but Ichiro addressed him before he could say anything.

"So I was right, hm? You want to break up with me tonight."

Gabriel nodded, unable to look at him. His heart raced, and he felt cold sweat on his back.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Ichiro squeezed his hand. "Coming to the conclusion that it's the best decision. To admit that the own relationship is unhealthy is hard."

"Yeah..."

Inhaling sharply, Gabriel turned his head around to finally face the man he loved so much. Looking at him hurt, as he knew he would never be with him again as soon as he left tonight. Would never touch him again, unless Ichiro decided to give him another chance. And who knew if that ever would happen, or how much time would have passed until then.

"I love you, Ichi."

He wanted to say more, but the words got stuck in his throat as a thick lump blocked their way. Tears welled up in his eyes, much faster than he could blink them away, and rolled down his cheeks in hot streams.

Ichiro smiled at him through glazed eyes and gently tucked on his hand to pull him close. "I love you too, Mister Montgomery," he whispered while enveloping him in a tight hug.

"I don't want to part ways with you, Ichi, but I fear we could start hating each other if we keep going like this."

"I fear the same. The past days, trifles were already enough to rile us up. I hate it, and I don't want it. I want us to be happy, but it seems we can't achieve that."

Gabriel looked up and searched for his lover's gaze. Ichiro's beautiful eyes were swollen, his face wet with tears, but he was smiling nonetheless. He kissed him impulsively and pressed their foreheads together.

"Do you think we can achieve it if we focus on ourselves for a while? It could work out when our lives, our environments are stable, and everything is sorted out, right? I promise I'll do my best to become a better man, so I'll be worth all your selfless love and affection. Give me the chance to prove that I'm capable of treating you well — please, take me back one day." Gabriel knew his plea sounded pathetic, but he didn't care, as the fear of losing Ichiro forever outweighed everything else.

Ichiro started sobbing, pressed his face deep into Gabriel's chest and nodded. "Of course, I'll take you back, dummy. But I fear, you'll realise how lame I am, once we're separated, and then you're the one who doesn't want to get back together," he said in a muffled voice, between hiccups and sniffles.

Gabriel gently but firmly peeled his petite lover from his body to face him. His hair was a mess, his cheeks bright red and his teary eyes shone in such a bright light-blue that he got lost in them.

"Look how beautiful you are," he whispered unconsciously and leaned in for another kiss.

Ichiro immediately drew him close, impatiently pushing his tongue between Gabriel's lips. He pulled him into his lap, slipped his hands underneath his sweater and firmly squeezed the delicate waist he loved so much. Gabriel instantly got hard below him and groaned as Ichiro started grinding him. He would love to have sex with him one last time, but he knew that would only make things more difficult, and it was already almost impossible to leave now.

"Ichi, we shouldn't—"

"I know. It'll only hurt us more." 

Ichiro leaned back, licked his lips and tried to steady his breath. Gabriel gently caressed his face and brushed their noses together. "You're so, so beautiful. The most beautiful man I've ever seen, but that's not all, Ichi. Your personality is so—" He lightly shook his head and swallowed another lump that was about to block his throat. 

"You're perfect. No one will ever surpass you, and I don't even need to get to know the rest of the male population to know that because you were the one who made me realise who I am, and what I like. What I love. It all started with you. You are my reason for everything. I will always wait for you, Ichi."

"But what if you're in a relationship when I'm ready? You can't drop another person, kick their feelings for you into the dirt, just because your first love reappears in your life."

"I can. Because I'll let everyone know beforehand that you, no matter what, will always have my priority. They either deal with it or leave me be."

"You really thought this through, hm?"

Gabriel nodded and pulled Ichiro close again. "I don't want to break up with you, but I'm aware that we have to. My heart is full of love for you, so, of course, I'm evaluating every possible future scenario to find a decent solution for everything beforehand. Maybe it's ridiculous because we only know each other for two months; others hardly would call what we have love, but— The time with you was so intense, so eye-opening for me. I don't know why you have such an immense impact on me; however, everything happens for a reason, and at the risk of sounding corny, I..." Gabriel swallowed and took a deep breath. "I want to believe it means we're destined to be together, but met at the wrong time. So... Let's wait for the right time and see if I was right."

Ichiro sighed and wiped his sleeve across his eyes.

"Why do we need a moment like this for you to finally find the right words for your thoughts?" With a strained smile on his lips, he reached into the pile of pillows and produced a tiny box from it. He swallowed while turning it around in his slender fingers and reluctantly handed it over.

"I really hope you won't find it weird or creepy — it's your Christmas- and parting present."

"Why should I find it creepy?" Frowning, Gabriel carefully opened the lid. A black leather necklace with a transparent stone shaped like a drop was inside. It was streaked with a red line that spiralled down from the top.

"See? It's not at all weird but gorgeous, thank you." He took it out to put it around his neck as Ichiro's voice cut through the air once more.

"I made it myself. The pendant, I mean. It's resin, and, talk about being corny, there's one of my tears in the clear part, and—" Ichiro took a deep breath and averted his gaze.

And? Gabriel encouraged him to continue while adjusting the leather cord's length with the help of two complexly tied knots.

"Well... the red line, that's— That's my blood."

Gabriel arched a brow, lifted the pendant and held it against the candle's shine to examine it thoroughly.

"Your blood? How did you manage to let it look like this? It's amazing."

"You're not weirded out?

"Absolutely not. I love it. This way, I'll always have a real part of you with me." He turned his head and smiled at Ichiro. 

He sighed in relief. "That was my intention. I'm so glad you got that right away."

"Of course. It's such a ' _you'_ thing to do." Smiling, Gabriel pulled up his silver necklace from underneath his shirt, took it off and put it around Ichiro's neck. "It's not exactly a part of me in there, but..." he heaved a breath. "My father gave it to me on my eighteenth birthday, so it has a special meaning for me as well. The embedded stone is an indigolite. I want you to have it."

Ichiro shook his head. "Gabriel, no. It's from your dad. It's a keepsake; you can't give it to me."

"I already did. Cherish it, okay?" He smiled anew, cupped Ichiro's cheek and kissed him gently. "I love you. So, so much."

"I love you too, Gabriel. I'll take good care of your necklace, and when we get back together, I'll return it to you."

Embracing each other, they sunk down into the pillows, laying in silence while listening to each other's breathing, the sound of cicadas and buzz from downstairs for a long while.

Gabriel caressed Ichiro's arm and kissed the top of his head before he addressed him.

"Hey, Ichi?"

"Hm?"

"Can we come clean before I go? I don't want anything left unsaid that could cause trouble in hindsight."

Ichiro sat up and looked at him. "Yes, of course."

"Thank you. Okay, erm..." Gabriel sat up as well and took Ichiro's hand in his. "I've flirted with Marcus before. Darius said he's definitely into guys—"

"Yeah, he is," Ichiro cut him off, but immediately encouraged him to continue.

"Well, okay... I had a hunch after he touched me several times, but it wasn't that obvious to me. Anyway, he, uh ... basically asked me out."

Quirking a brow, Ichiro huffed. 

"And he did that without knowing we would break up, that son of a bitch. Anyway, thank you for being honest with me, Gabriel. I really appreciate it." 

Ichiro smiled at him and squeezed his hand. 

"I know you already suspected something had happened on Sunday, and it was wrong of me to not say anything. However, I want you to know that Dmitrij and I haven't slept with each other. I know that's what you thought why it took me so long, but no."

"You didn't?"

"Why would I? First; you said you wanted us to be monogamous, and I'm not a cheater. Second; I don't even like him. Anyway, he was in a very deranged state on Sunday — don't tell it to anyone, but ... he even cried."

"Dima? No way. He's like a robot."

Ichiro nodded and wetted his lips. "He sure has his issues regarding emotional things, however, apparently, he isn't entirely void of them. He kissed me — no tongue, though. It was a delicate and careful kiss. 

Dmitrij apologised right after, said that he wasn't in control of himself, and immediately sent me home."

Clicking his tongue, Gabriel slightly shook his head.

"Well, concerning me, it was a dick move of him, but he sure respects you. Always speaking highly of you as well."

Ichiro's eyebrows twitched as he averted his gaze while huffing in amusement. "Yeah, he treats me so well, huh? Anyway, that was all that has happened."

Gabriel nodded. "Okay, thanks for telling me. Uh, I have a question."

"Go ahead, then."

"You and Darius — do you have feelings for him? Wait, no. Don't answer that question. It won't do any good." He pulled Ichiro back into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I want you to be happy. Please, do everything necessary to become happy, okay?"

"This feels so unreal, Gabriel. We're sitting here as we usually do, hugging and kissing each other, but when you walk out the door, we—" Ichiro looked up to face him. "I don't know if I can do that," he whispered while fresh tears started streaming down his cheeks.

Gabriel closed his eyes, took a deep breath and swallowed. "I should go now, or it'll become more and more difficult." He pressed a kiss to Ichiro's forehead and smiled at him. "I love you, Ichiro St. James. And I'll wait for you."

He got up to his feet while his now ex-lover slumped down into the pillows, sobbing. Seeing him like this broke Gabriel's heart into even more pieces, but he couldn't back out now. 

"Take care," he breathed in a tearful voice, turned around and left the Gainsborough mansion for the last time.

✵✵✵

It was already past four o'clock in the morning as he opened the door of his hotel room. Chucking phone and key onto the small table, Gabriel kicked off his shoes, reached for the light switch and flinched as the room lighted up.

"Jesus Christ."

"Montgomery, hiii... Sorry for using the bed, although it's actually your fault. You should've said that it's a single room," Raphael groaned while clawing his way through dishevelled sheets. His hair was a mess again, and he made it even worse as he roughly raked his hands through it.

He started grinning, but immediately hissed through his teeth and cussed while touching his lip. "Fucking hell."

Gabriel took a deep breath, walked over and sat down next to him. "Your dad?"

"Who else, mate? Wasn't excited about my moving out. I'll need your help to get my stuff. He'll probably kill me if I dare to show up alone."

"Maybe I should punch him for a change."

"Oh, I'd love that, but don't ruin your career over that bastard. Let's just get my stuff, and I'm satisfied."

"Alright. Wait here, I have an ointment somewhere."

Raphael frowned. "Mate, are you alright? You seem a bit out of it."

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry."

Gabriel got up again and rummaged through several bags until he found the small, white tube he was looking for. "Here." He threw it onto the bed and turned to the bathroom, but Raphael's voice stopped him.

"Yo, could you put it on? There's no mirror here, and I won't see where to put it."

"Haaah..."

Poking his tongue against his cheek, Gabriel walked back to the bed and sat down again. "You're capable of breathing by yourself, though, right?"

"Don't be so snarky, man. I had a rough day."

"Yeah, me too." Knitting his brows, Gabriel put a small amount of ointment onto the tip of his index finger and carefully spread it across the burst lip.

Raphael didn't flinch, and when Gabriel looked up, their eyes met.

"What?"

"You really are okay, Montgomery? Because you don't look like it."

Screwing the tube's lid back on, Gabriel slowly shook his head. The numbness that had overtaken his entire body, after leaving the Gainsborough mansion, slowly faded away. The realisation of being single from now on was overwhelming and painful. He felt tears well up and took a deep breath to prevent an emotional outburst, but Raphael already pulled him smoothly into his arms.

Pressing Gabriel's head gently against his shoulder, he patted his back and addressed him in a consoling tone.

"It's okay, Gabe. I cried in your arms, and now you can cry in mine."


	27. Welcome Home

The early-morning sun reflected on Raphael's styled, red hair as he stood in front of the small table, buttoning up his pants. Gabriel smirked because his roommate had his usual 'aquatic centre' look on his face, which was entirely different from how he looked when they were goofing around.  
Frowning, and with his brow quirked, Raphael put on a pair of round glasses and shoved them up the bridge of his nose, using his middle finger. It was an unfamiliar sight, but the glasses suited him well and even accentuated his chiselled features.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=raphaeltoplessao315jzx.jpg)

He yawned audibly, rubbed his neck and reached for his shirt while Gabriel's eyes wandered about his teammate's upper body once more.

When it solely came down to their physique, the two swimmers actually looked the same since Raphael was almost as tall as him, had the same broad shoulders and well-toned build. Gabriel's more prominent latissimus dorsi muscles, which more or less were his trademark, made the only difference. 

Although Raphael wasn't his type, there were two things, Gabriel always had admired and even was a little envious about. One of them, he found fascinating and irritating at once — Raphael's handsome face. Nicely-shaped eyebrows, square jaw, button nose, full lips, piercing eyes, which even were heterochromatic on top; he could continue the list for quite a while.

The idea of people with repulsive personalities being blessed with pretty features always irked him. Although in Raphael's case, that luckily wasn't true anymore, as he wasn't the prick Gabriel initially thought.

The second thing was, that, additional to his good looks, Raphael had an excellent sense of style and knew how to highlight his features to make them stand out even more. Whereas Gabriel only wore what was convenient and never cared much about his hairstyle, accessories or whatever. Although Ichi encouraged him to change that and always reassured him how incredibly handsome he was, Gabriel felt being average, at best. He stood out because of his performances and achievements, not his looks.

Raphael, on the other hand, looked impeccable while almost reaching the same sporting results — of course, someone like him was popular with the ladies. They even attended the team's training just to see him; but did Raphael actually go out with them? Was he only into men and dated women as an alibi, or was he interested in both? Gabriel didn't know. 

He barely knew anything about the guy he had seen almost daily for the past two years — not even that he wore glasses, or what his natural hair colour was. And was he older or younger than him?

From now on, since he would live with this new friend who still was a stranger to him, he had to make sure to get to know him better.

Gabriel started feeling bad watching Raphael for so long and decided to clear his throat to get his attention. In the blink of an eye, his teammates' whole body language changed, and the arrogant expression turned into a warm smile.

"Heeey, Montgomery, good morning! Oh, wow, your eyes, mate — they're swollen as fuck," he chuckled. "Anyway, did you sleep well?"

Raphael grinned at him while slipping into his shirt — his bruised lip looked a lot better already.

Gabriel took a deep breath, stretched his body and rolled his head to make his neck crack. Of course, his eyes looked horrible, as he didn't get much sleep and cried much more than he wanted to admit. Nonetheless, it was good to talk to Raphael about Ichi as well as his family issues — it made him feel a little better. His roommate was a good listener, surprisingly understanding and empathetic, and worded his thoughts carefully when Gabriel asked for his opinion.

Back then, he wanted to bite Marlon's head off as he dared to say all the unsolicited things Gabriel didn't want to hear. Although both men practically said the same things eventually, the difference in dealing with him and his issues made Gabriel realise what he always missed in conversations with Marlon. His friend's advice was kind of clinical; as if he didn't care much about that his suggested resolutions would possibly hurt the involved parties.

However, the advice to better distance himself from everything was something Gabriel now would take to heart because he knew, he wouldn't change anything otherwise. He would go back to clinging to Rayne and his accustomed comfort zone. A thought that made him shudder, as he was nothing but a people-pleasing sunny boy without personality back then. 

Rayne, as well as his mother, always relied on him, nagged and pleaded until Gabriel gave in and did what they wanted. They tried to dictate his life and got mad when he attempted to do things in his own way. 

He had been too friendly all his life because he was scared his real nature could be inconvenient for people. 

However, seeing the authentic Raphael, and how self-supporting he dealt with his life despite the awful circumstances, affirmed that Gabriel should abandon his old habits. He had to be more selfish from now on, had to become what he wanted to be, and not what was most convenient for those around him. He wasn't the pure, sweet and dense friend who always was there and always put others above himself, no matter what. 

Gabriel had lived his life for anyone but himself, and he never wanted to go back to do that. 

Darius' upcoming farewell party would be the best opportunity for a clean cut and living with Raphael would teach him a lot.

His teammate was an independent guy with a bold personality, clear goals, and an organised life — he knew what he wanted and how to achieve it. And the most important part; he didn't rely on Gabriel but did his own thing — his parents had been the only obstacle, the only issue where he had needed Gabriel's help. 

Now, Raphael could develop to full potential, and that was nothing Gabriel had to keep taking care of. They would naturally support each other along the line while living their own lives and making their own decisions. 

And that was perfect because frankly, Gabriel was sick of taking care of others, as it always was himself who fell by the wayside without anyone ever noticing it. Gabriel always acted as if everything was fine and none of those close to him ever came up with the idea of questioning it, which left him heartbroken and frustrated.

After all, it was his own fault, as he hasn't been any better than Raphael. He also play-acted all his life, which ultimately ruined his very first love. 

Ichiro was of challenging nature; a multilayered personality with lots of unsolved trauma, yet he never was afraid to show his imperfections. He presented his raw self while keeping a healthy 'they either like me or not' attitude — unlike Gabriel. 

From the start, Gabriel had chosen the easy way of being meek and mild about everything. A pitiful toady who never cared too much about others but always only enough to make himself feel better.

Until everything collapsed like a house of cards as he noticed he truly and deeply cared about Ichi, whom he slowly wanted to show his real self. But when he realised that he was unable to support his lover since he didn't even know where to start, Gabriel became overwhelmed and unable to maintain his disguise. 

Dealing with it had been difficult for Ichi, but he accepted it nonetheless. And despite knowing Gabriel's character was so rough and emotionally underdeveloped that he repeatedly hurt those close to him, he encouraged him to always be himself. 

Whereas Ichi was quite the contrary, as his actions often were reckless because he felt too many emotions at once. Gabriel saw in him a raw core of unfiltered and overflowing emotions that was hurting people just as much but in a different way. 

He had treated Ichi and his problems lightly, as he was confident he would work it out somehow. But Ichi was difficult. Not him as a person, but his issues. Brushing them off with a shrug was wrong, unfair and only worsened them in the end.

What Gabriel lacked, Ichiro had too much, and until they wouldn't find their inner middle ground, they could never work as a team. 

However, to get to this conclusion, these two turbulent and hurtful months with Ichi had been essential. Especially for Gabriel's development, as they were crucial to discover his sexual orientation, and to realise he didn't want to stay the people-pleasing servant he was. Despite everything, Ichi had already managed to make him thrive.

Once, they would have everything straightened out for themselves, Gabriel was convinced, he and Ichi could achieve everything together.

Although he knew he had to be patient since it would take quite a while until both of them were ready for a fresh start, Gabriel already felt lonely without him. The urge to run back to the Gainsborough mansion, to take back everything he said last night, was only hard to suppress.

"...gomery? Mate, are you okay?"

"Huh?"

All of a sudden, Raphael sat next to him, brow arched, his hand on Gabriel's shoulder.

"Jesus Christ, you scared me. You haven't answered my question but totally spaced out instead. I thought you just had a heart attack or something. Are you alright?" 

A crooked smile on his lips, his roommate inclined his head while squeezing Gabriel's shoulder.

Gabriel nodded slowly. He still couldn't fathom that Raphael was the polar opposite of how he presented himself at the aquatic centre. And now that his roommate knew he wouldn't have to go back to his parents, his sunny disposition became even more flashed-out and practically irresistible. Raphael was like a big teddy bear that radiated pure and contagious cheerfulness, and this kind of friend was exactly what Gabriel needed right now.

"I'm sorry, I thought about Ichi again. I miss him — it's hard not to call him," he admitted in a small voice, roughly rubbed his face and sat up.

Raphael knit his brows and stared at him.

"Listen, mate, I don't want this to be the only topic we have to talk about, but let me say one more thing, alright?"

"Sure thing."

Raphael sighed. "If you want him back, go; I won't stop you because this is solely your decision — and Ichi's, of course, but," he heaved a deep breath. "Look, it has only been two months — I had affairs that held longer. 

"Until we don't have our shit together to properly settle down, everything basically is nothing but a fucked up trial and error. We might feel super mature right now, but we're actually still kids, mate. We literally only moved out of our family homes and have no idea how living alone works. We should focus on putting food in our fridge, paying our bills, achieving our goals, and work on ourselves; not dragging others down with our ignorance. 

"Anyway, as I said; go back to Ichi if you really want to, but it probably would be best for both of you if you wait until you're ready to treat each other the way you deserve. 

"So, how about that? If you stay here, I'll be right next to you and support you if needed, alright?"

_ Look, at that sunny smartass teddy bear. God, I think I hate-like him. _

Smiling, Gabriel nodded.

"Yeah, it's probably smarter if I stay here. Anyway, those were big words for a kid," he scoffed while punching Raphael's shoulder.

"Well yeah, that's because I'm the older one. I'm more mature than you, mate, and have this protective instinct, you know?" Raphael teased with a smug grin on his lips.

"Haaah, I hate you, Hawthorne," Gabriel retorted in a tired voice, slumped back into the pillow and covered his face with his forearm. 

While his roommate's laughter reverberated through the room, Gabriel addressed him anew. 

"You wanted to know how I slept, right? Crappy would be an understatement. Your frigging limbs were tangled around me the whole night; sharing a bed with you is absolutely horrible. I pity every single one of your future partners."

Clicking his tongue, Raphael slapped Gabriel's thigh. "You're pretty cheeky for someone who drools on other people's shirts, mate. Anyway, our awful sleeping situation isn't my fault. You should've changed the room to a double after inviting me here, Mr know-it-all." Quirking a brow, he smiled complacently at Gabriel as he peeked through a gap beneath his arm.

"Probably, smartass. But you know what? I have a better idea."

"And that's what?" Frowning, Raphael leaned back, propped himself up on his elbows and watched Gabriel.

"Just be quiet for a minute and cross your fingers. Oh, and I haven't drooled on your shirt, you little shithead."

Rolling over to the side, Gabriel tried hard not to join Raphael's laughter as he grabbed his phone to dial a number.

He put it on speaker as someone answered the call.

_ "Mr Montgomery, hello. What can I do for you?" _

"Merry Christmas, Mr Harlacher; I'm sorry for bothering you, but would it be possible to move into my apartment already? I know, this is out of the blue, but it's vitally important."

The realtor inhaled sharply.

_ "Mr Montgomery, there are still some janitorial exercises left, like wrapping material of the furnishing, and the electric household appliances aren't connected yet. The in-house technician isn't working around the holidays if it's not an emergency, which is why the head concierge scheduled an appointment for January 2nd." _

Gabriel pursed his lips while glancing at Raphael.

"I assume this is about the stove — I'm experienced in that field, electrical earthing and everything included, I can easily do it myself. Something unforeseen has happened, and I have to move in today already."

Exhaling audibly, the realtor fell quiet for a moment.

_ "I see... Well, you have your purchase contract, but you'd have to provide a specific document as well, or the concierges won't hand out your keys. Unfortunately, I have the said document, and I'm being honest with you, Mr Montgomery; I really would prefer to spend the day with my family. Today is Christmas after all." _

While Raphael grimaced at the phone, Gabriel smiled a strained smile.

"Of course, everyone wants to spend Christmas at home with family and friends — that includes me, Mr Harlacher. However, right now, I'm sitting with my roommate in a small hotel room with only a single bed. While we're talking about my fully paid property, which included double the amount of brokerage for you because I'm a generous man who values your hard work. That's why I think it should be alright if I come over to pick up the document, don't you think?"

_ "Oh, err yes, certainly. I will send you the details via message. I would appreciate it if you could pick it up before—" _

"Expect me within the next hour, Mr Harlacher. Thank you very much for complying with my request."

Sighing, Gabriel ended the call, threw his phone back onto the nightstand and got up.

Raphael's frowning gaze followed him. He had his arms crossed and an amused smirk on his lips.

"What is it this time, Hawthorne?"

"Dunno... That somehow reminded me of your locker room attitude when you broke my nose. Impressive. And kind of sexy, but most of all; so scary," he whispered the last words while playfully gesturing in an eerie manner. 

Gabriel groaned and walked over to the bathroom. 

"Stop mocking me, you annoying brat, and start packing your bags instead. We're moving into our home."

✵✵✵

Roughly two hours later, after having a cup of tea with Michael, the head concierge of the apartment complex, Raphael stood in the middle of a living-dining area as wide as the entire ground level of his parent's house.

Except for the tables' and counters' surfaces, which matched with the polished parquet of the spacious room, the entire furnishing was of a light cream colour. Although it was a modern interior with only subtle decoration, it still looked cosy and inviting, thanks to the tasteful composition.

Embedded in the dark cherry wood floor stood a large, u-shaped couch with matching coffee table on a loosely woven cream-coloured carpet.

"This place is freaking awesome, mate," Raphael murmured while squeezing one of the sofa's cushions as he slowly passed by. 

He was tempted to just flop down, wrap himself in one of those snugly-looking blankets and never get up again. 

Right in front of the cosy seating area, a large TV was mounted to the wall above an electric fireplace. It was framed by a design of wavy mirrors and shelves with ambient light, filled with anime Blu-rays, mangas, video games and gaming consoles. Lush, vivid green devil's ivy had spread their shoots all over the remaining wall, determined to cover every last inch of it in white-marbled leaves.

The dining- and living areas were separated by a generous kitchen counter with six barstools, the chocolate-brown walls decorated with more plants and also several canvas prints of ocean waves. Only one of them, the largest, most vibrant and impressive one, was framed. Raphael moved closer to examine it and realised that this one was a real painting. He delicately ran his fingertip over a bumpy brushstroke at the down right corner, which had the barely noticeable initials  _ 'ISJ' _ embedded.

Subtle illuminated, and elegantly outlined in silver, it hung centred on the otherwise bare wall that led to the master bedroom — it was a real eye-catcher.

Raphael heaved a deep breath and shook his head in disbelief as his eyes once more wandered about every furniture. Slowly striding over to the large window-wall that flooded the whole room with bright sunlight, he gazed outside and sighed. 

"...can see whole fucking Melbourne from up here, dammit," he mumbled as he turned his head around to fix his gaze on Gabriel.

His roommate casually leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed and a smirk on his lips. He shrugged his shoulders in response to Raphael's frown.

"Don't look at me like that, Hawthorne. It's not my fault that you didn't ask where we'd move."

Raphael snorted. "Mate, you better don't come at me like that. Not a damn soul on the entire planet would have thought it would be a luxury high rise in freaking Chapel Street!" he hissed through his teeth. "You're only twenty-one years old, aren't you? And this apartment must have cost, what, a million? I mean ... hooow?" Groaning, he rubbed his jaw and continued. 

"I don't even know what to think, man. The complex is new; there's a freaking in-house gym, a swimming pool with wellness area, a restaurant, and even an open-late store downstairs."

"Convenient, isn't it? And it was a little less than a million, by the way," Gabriel stated and winked at him.

"Oooh, that makes things better, of course," Raphael scoffed and crossed his arms. "And what was Michael talking about? There even is a huge garden on top of the roof as well? With a pond and everything? Mate, we basically never would have to leave this freaking building because everything is right in front of our door." 

Raphael sighed, and his expression turned sombre. 

"Montgomery, seriously, I feel like Cinderella here, and super out of place — I can't possibly take your offer. I already felt bad about living rent-free at your place, but soothed my soul by wanting to cover the plus extra charges, food costs, and with taking care of the apartment. However, there's no way in hell that I'll be able to earn enough to cover  _ anything  _ here, no matter how many extra shifts I take."

Sighing, Gabriel walked over to him. He knew that his roommate was overwhelmed and intimidated by the apartment; however, everything happened so fast that he hasn't had a chance to prepare him for it beforehand. 

With a disarming smile on his lips, he gave Raphael a pat on the back.

"You underestimate the building's eco-efficiency, Hawthorne. The extra charges aren't as high as you might think, and as I said, you don't have to worry about the costs for now. We'll split it eventually, but first, you'll make sure to settle down, okay? I'll have you covered until then. Don't forget that it was my abrupt decision to ask you to live here. And I did that without wasting a thought on if you'd be able to cover half of the costs."

Clenching his teeth, Raphael averted his gaze. 

"But why would you do that? I don't get it."

"Why not? I would've done the same for Ichi as well." 

Frowning, Raphael looked back at him.

"Yeah, but that dude was your lover."

Gabriel sighed, inclined his head and bit his lip.

"Listen, I'll tell you something, and I ask you to keep this to yourself. I said I inherited the money, but that's not exactly true. I got it by chance because my dad and I were lucky as hell, won the lottery jackpot a few years ago, and I received a considerable proportion. We were the average working-class household and suddenly became rich; I was happy for my dad, but personally, it always made me uneasy. Lots of money causes lots of problems — that's also the reason why I've never told anyone about it and never touched a single dollar before. Although I could have since I was eighteen. 

"Anyway, I want to work for my money, but I never wanted to have to worry about the roof above my head. Buying this place was only reasonable, and a way to finally spend at least half of the lottery win efficiently. So, there's no reason to not share the benefits, right? And aside from that, I told you already that you're doing me a favour anyway by living here because I would feel lonely as hell otherwise. So, stop feeling bad about it, okay?"

Raphael quietly watched him for a moment, his expression strained while a fierce blush started tinging his sharp cheekbones. 

"You really are a good guy, Montgomery and definitely my Christmas miracle, but how am I supposed to return your generosity? I'm a poor nobody; I don't have anything to offer."

Shaking his head, Gabriel smiled kindly at him. 

"For starters, it would be cool if you'd apologise to our team because you really gave everyone a hard time the past two years. How about being authentic from now on? And help me with cooking and cleaning."

Grimacing, Raphael massaged the bridge of his nose.

"Are you kidding me? That's all?"

Gabriel hummed in response.

"Just be you, and I'll be satisfied, easy as that. However, I know you won't be happy with it, so, how about this instead? Since you won't have to give half of your earnings to your parents anymore, figure out how much money you'll eventually have left at the end of a month. Then, we'll sit down, make a list of all costs, take into consideration what necessary purchases you'll have to make for yourself in the near future, and then plan how to split it if you want."

"Yes, please. I definitely want that." 

Smiling bashfully, Raphael locked eyes with Gabriel again. He still was overwhelmed; not only by the apartment and the fantastic amount of money involved but much more by Gabriel's unselfish generosity and his level-headed reasoning. 

Thanks to Raphael's disgusting behaviour, they were on such bad terms that he never would've thought to ever exchange another word with his teammate. However, Gabriel naturally treated him like a friend, trusted him and offered to live with him without batting an eye, after only a single clarifying talk. Which was either dumb or the most altruistic act he could think of.

Raphael never experienced anything like this; not even remotely close. It felt like a dream, and he was afraid he could wake up from it any minute. 

"This is so unreal," he muttered and heaved a breath. 

He wanted to express his gratitude appropriately but couldn't find the right words in his chaotic mind; instead, his cheeks turned hot again.

Raphael turned away his head and gave Gabriel a bashful sideglance while rubbing the nape of his neck. 

"Look at me, man... I don't even know what to say besides, Thank you."

Gabriel laughed, pulled him into an embrace and firmly patted his back. "Well, but I know. Welcome home, mate."

✵✵✵

After taking care of the apartment's electronics and reassuring Raphael it was okay to examine the whole place, Gabriel grabbed a box with gifts and left to visit his family home. Although it already was past noon and the distribution of presents most likely over, Ava sure would be happy to unwrap some more toys. 

He was excited to see his little sister. Although they talked on the phone almost every day, he hadn't seen her since he moved out. Ava and grandma Cynthia knew that he would visit them, but the pleasant anticipation was overshadowed. Their nervousness regarding his mother was almost overwhelming, as none of them knew how she would react. In any case, Gabriel was determined to say what he needed to say but would leave it to his mother if she wanted him back in her life. 

He was a grown-up, still a green one, yes, but an adult nonetheless, and Jennifer had to accept that. Gabriel would make his own decisions from now on because it wasn't on her to determine how he had to live his life.

As he parked his car in front of his family home, his heart started to race, and he became a little nauseous. Gabriel was prepared for the worst but hoped for the best because he wanted to pull his mother into a tender hug as well. With the box full of presents under his arm, he walked over to the entrance and unlocked the front door. 

Christmas music played from the old cassette recorder in the otherwise quiet kitchen, and the air was filled with the pleasant smell of biscuits.

He placed the gifts on the counter and slowly followed the muffled voices that came from the other side of the corridor. His family was in the living room, probably watching a Christmas movie as every year.

He stopped shortly before reaching the archway, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"Gabe!"

Of course, Ava was the first who noticed him peeking around the corner. She squealed excitedly, jumped from the couch and ran into his arms. Gabriel couldn't help but tear up as he squatted down to cuddle her tiny frame. He gently pressed his sister against his chest, buried his face in her wild locks and inhaled her familiar scent. "Merry Christmas, little monster," he murmured tenderly and squeezed her gently. Ava giggled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Merry Christmas, big monster! I have a present for you; wait here!"

Like the whirlwind she was, Ava quickly darted out of the room and down the corridor while Gabriel's gaze followed her until she was out of sight. Sighing, he smiled and blinked freshly upwelling tears away as someone pulled him into an embrace. "Merry Christmas, my dear chap. It's so good to see you." Cynthia's voice was calmer than usually; probably because she was just as tense as Gabriel. 

He reciprocated the hug and kissed her cheek. "Hey, gran. Merry Christmas to you too." 

They smiled at each other, and Cynthia reached up to tenderly cup his cheek. "I'll go and make some coffee, alright? Ava and I baked biscuits for you. Join us when you're ..." her gaze subtly darted over to Jennifer before she reassuringly squeezed his shoulder and also left the room.

Gabriel's eyes instantly darted to the floor. He was so confident a few moments ago, but now, he couldn't work up the courage to look at his mother — but he had to. 

Clenching his teeth, he took a deep breath and glanced up. Jennifer sat in the armchair next to the window and watched him quietly, her expression blank. Gabriel's heart started to race again while a wave of heat washed over his body.

"H-hey, mum."

"Hey, dearie," she whispered in a tearful voice while her eyes started to look glassy. "Welcome home." Jennifer furrowed her brows, unable to hold back her tears any longer while a crooked smile appeared on her lips.

The sight constricted his heart, and a lump formed in Gabriel's throat. Suddenly, the past weeks where they haven't exchanged a single word felt incredibly ludicrous to him. Wasted time, they could've spent together, but instead, it was unnecessarily filled with a myriad of negative emotions. Unfortunately, he was just as stubborn as his mother, and always chose to suffer in silence over a clarifying talk. 

They were so stupid; both of them. 

Gabriel would make sure to talk about absolutely everything before he left again. About the incident that had caused the suspension, the breakup with Ichi, the apartment, and Raphael. But also about his excellent performance at the last training, and how he planned to proceed from now on. And he would make sure to explain everything competently so that his mother had no reason to not accept it. 

He would prove that he was capable of living on his own and handling his life all by himself.

As Jennifer got up from her seat to walk over to him, he immediately pulled her into his arms and held her close while she cried quietly. 

Gabriel vowed to himself that he would never let anything like that happen again. Neither with his family nor with friends — and above all, not with Ichi.

✵✵✵

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=messengerchatch28ao37qj24.jpg)

It was already early evening as he stepped from the elevator into the twenty-third floor's hallway. It still felt surreal that this luxury building would be his home from now on. Gabriel grinned pleased and briskly crossed the beige and golden furnished corridor until he reached his apartment door at the far left side.

He was greeted by soft music, a pleasant smell, and a brightly smiling Raphael who stood in the kitchen.

"Oh, honey, you're home!" he joked, smirked and beckoned Gabriel over. "Did you know that the lobby leads to a tiny theatre, a library and a lounge area for the residents to meet and get to know each other? Someone called Susan told me — no idea where she lives, though."

"Of course, I know. The concierges showed me everything when I visited the first time. Anyhow, what are you doing?" Gabriel asked and placed a box with biscuits on the kitchen counter. 

Raphael knitted his brows. "I'm cooking, obviously. You said I should help you with it." He shrugged his shoulders. "Anyway,  _ Susan  _ was pretty flirty __ and wanted to know our floor level. I didn't tell her, of course, but said I'm your boyfriend instead. She already was clingy as fuck after only ten minutes talking, and I just want to live here in peace, man. Don't need women trouble next door. I hope you don't mind." He grinned toothily and held out a wooden spoon with sauce. "Taste it, please."

Gabriel let Raphael spoon-feed him, showed a thumbs up as the delicious flavour of fresh tomatoes and different spices spread over his tongue and took a seat at the counter. "I don't mind, but are you okay with people thinking you're gay? I mean, you've kept it a secret until now."

Raphael's gaze was focused on the pot as he answered in a matter-of-fact tone. 

"I'm not gay but pansexual, and I don't care about who knows it since I only kept it a secret because of my father. However, he can't hurt me anymore, so..." shrugging his shoulders once more, he added more seasoning to the sauce. "How did it go with your mum?" He looked up and locked eyes with Gabriel again.

"Awkward at first, but ended well in the end. Although mum started crying in the middle of our conversation when she heard that Ichi and I broke up. Took me a while to convince her that it wasn't her fault."

Raphael nodded and started draining the pasta. "So, you're cool again, I take it?"

"More or less, yeah. They'll visit us on Saturday — mum, grandma and my little sis, I mean. They wanna see how I live now and would like to get to know you. Is that okay with you?"

Shoving a full plate and a fork over to Gabriel, Raphael grabbed his share, walked around the counter and sat down next to him. "Sure thing, but... Uh, well, when do you think we could get my stuff? I mean, the couch looks super comfy, but I don't want to sleep on it forever."

Gabriel frowned at him and swallowed down the pasta. "I thought you've examined the apartment?"

"Err, yes?"

"Then, you've seen that I have a huge king-size bed? There's no reason for you to sleep on the couch at all, you moron. Aside from that, I texted with Darius earlier. We'll get your stuff the day after tomorrow. His boyfriend and Daryl will help us as well."

Raphael grimaced and perforated his rigatoni with his fork. "Mate, the Nowak brothers hate me."

"They don't hate you but think that you're an asshole. Apologise, and that's over and done with. I already told Darius that I vouch for you being a good guy." He pointed with his fork at his plate. "This is delicious, by the way."

Sighing, Raphael locked eyes with him again. Man... you treat me so nicely, mate... Thank you." He cleared his throat. "But you haven't forgotten that the team's interviews for  _ Inside Melbourne* _ will be recorded that day?"

Gabriel shook his head. 

"I haven't. Daryl said Miss Murphy had scheduled them one after another, starting with me at ten in the morning. Darius, you and Daryl follow right away and apparently, they'll take about thirty minutes each, which means, we'll have the entire afternoon for moving your stuff." 

He turned to Raphael, smiled gently and patted his shoulder. "As I said before, you don't have to worry about a thing, mate. I told you I'd help you, and when I support someone, I do it properly; at least, from now on. So, start enjoying your life, okay?" Winking, he turned back to his plate and continued eating.

Raphael stayed quiet, rubbed his forehead and watched his new roommate for a while. Heat crept up his cheeks again and made him quickly averting his gaze. Smirking, he bit his lip and gently shook his head.

"I'm already enjoying it."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=raphaelao32ikwy.jpg)

*The interviews aren't essential for the story but a fun read. Each guy (currently Gabriel, Dmitrij, Darius & Raphael — Marlon, Daryl, Ichiro and Marcus follow soon) has its own; all stuffed to the brim with lots of background info. Basic things like their height, weight, shoe size, etc. and their favourite foods, books, movies, what they look for in a partner, their kinks and a lot of even spicier revelations. :)

Each interview is about 2-3,5k words long; if you're interested, you can read them here: patreon.com/PolychromePixie


	28. Heartstrings

_December 28th 2019_

_Today is my ballet date with Dmitrij, and you know what? I'm excited about it; that's how crappy I feel. I even consider taking his offer that came with his Christmas present._

_He must've seen me staring at his van Gogh when I was at his place because he gave me a pretty notebook in the design of The Starry Night. Inside was a ticket for the Van Gogh Alive exhibition in Sydney with a note attached. He said he assumes that it's something I would want to enjoy without any distraction, but that he also has a ticket and that I could call him if I don't want to go alone._

_It irks me that we both had the idea to buy tickets for something we knew the other would enjoy. Nonetheless, I have to admit that I appreciate that Dmitrij lets me choose to go alone if I want to because I thought he'd force me to go with him. I probably have to swallow some sarcastic remarks anyway when I thank him later._

_Gabriel's present made me sob in front of my family — I didn't even know that he had something for me until Rayne handed me the last package left under the tree. Apparently, she knew about it and helped him keeping it a secret._

_It was a box filled with several items. A customised snow globe with a snowy town scenery and two people in front; one's short and has long, black hair, the other one blond and tall. A big mug, which he definitely painted himself — I laughed, and ugly cried simultaneously at the absolutely sweet and wholesome atrocity. A pack with cocoa powder, chocolate and cinnamon quills, to make hot chocolate, was added to it, but that wasn't the best part. All of it laid on top of a super soft and snugly knitted scarf; a pretty long one, made of very fluffy wool. I wondered why it had so many errors in the pattern until Rayne said Gabriel knitted it himself. Of course, I started sobbing again; especially after she mentioned that Gabriel's dad taught him to knit. That was just the sweetest thing but made me incredibly sad at the same time._

_Gabriel knows how much I struggle with the reversed seasons, and how much I dislike hot Christmas — the package was his way to bring me a little bit of winter. I can't put into words how much I appreciate his thoughtfulness. After all, he did his best to listen and remember, didn't he? I love him so much, and not being with him hurts; a lot. My life feels so grey again..._

_Oh, brb._

_Rayne was just here, telling me that Daryl helps to move Gabriel's roommate's belongings today. Apparently, Gabriel bought an apartment, and Raphael Hawthorne will live with him. I mean, I'm happy that they get along well now, and when Gabriel chooses to share his home with him, Raphael must be a great guy. However, I would've wished that he told me about the apartment. We talked so much about it and looked up so many places after our day at the beach... Although visiting his mother didn't go as we wished for, that weekend was the most wholesome time we've spent together, and I thought it had a special meaning to him as well._

_I wonder if I ever get a chance to see Ava again — I really looked forward to spending time with my tiny new friend. Seems like we won't get the opportunity to visit a zoo or amusement park together after all._

_Ah, fuck... And now, I'm ruining your pages with tear stains, I'm sorry..._

_Anyway, it's not helping me at all to dwell on things that can't be changed anymore, right? For now, Gabriel is a part of my past — I have to accept that and move on, I guess._

_I should check what I could wear tonight; Dmitrij is probably all dressed up again. Oh, speak of the devil... He just wrote a message._

_He was so full of himself at the party that I thought he'd write instantly as soon as he's home, and would daily bothering me from then on, but this is the first time. And he's not even annoying. That annoys me._

_Less than an hour left. I have to get ready._

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dimamessengerchatao3sdkwi.jpg)

✵✵✵

"Mate, this has to be a fucking joke, seriously," Darius pressed through clenched teeth." Arms crossed, he slowly walked along the window wall, taking in the apartment's sight while his friend's gaze followed him.

"It's not. I simply didn't want to talk about it before because I feared reactions like yours, for example," Gabriel retorted, eliciting a glare from Darius. 

"Oh, excuse me, darling," he scoffed and averted his gaze.

The doorbell's ringing abruptly ended the awkward situation, and Gabriel quickly disappeared through the generously-build hallway's archway.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Darius stopped to lean his head against the warm glass and squinted against the setting evening sun. He could see his forehead's wrinkles in the windowpane's reflection, huffed at his grim expression and closed his eyes. 

Aside from the radio interview, which was a much-needed breather, the whole week had been agitating. First, Gabriel's and Ichiro's breakup, then the stress through his visiting relatives — and on top of that, he also got into a fight with Marlon. Unfortunately, the latter had reached its peak today. 

His lover refused to help them but didn't hesitate to write Gabriel a message, saying that he would join them right after — and Darius knew he solely did that to rile him up. Nothing new to him, which is why he swallowed his anger over it as he usually did. However, the conditions, under which Hawthorne had to live, had thrown him off the track eventually. His teammate's father, the absolute worst human being he had ever met, made him so furious that he had trouble keeping his composure. 

Gabriel's revelation about winning the lottery and buying a super expensive apartment was the last straw to break the camel's back, and Darius lashed out on him, although he didn't intend to. He knew he should apologise but was too irritated right now. That would have to wait; at least until Marlon would leave again.

Sighing, he glanced down at the bustling city and listened to the muffled voices that came from the hallway.

Raphael peeked out of his room, tipped his head to the side and looked questioningly at his roommate. He twirled the screwdriver in his hand as his gaze briefly darted to the living room's entrance before he locked eyes with Gabriel again. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, no, not really because I actually don't know why Darius is so pissed."

Marlon appeared in the doorframe, clicked his tongue and gave Raphael an appraising look before addressing Gabriel.

"Leave him be. It's a bit much to process for him, don't ya think? Especially with that one here involved," he said while giving Raphael a conceited side glance before leisurely pulling Gabriel into a hug. Marlon lightly squeezed his friend's side as he pushed himself past him and didn't even bother to introduce himself to his roommate. 

He walked over to the living room, completely unfazed by the luxurious surroundings and purposefully ignoring Darius, opened one of the big glass doors and stepped outside. Raphael frowned and addressed Gabriel plainly audible while he kept gazing at Marlon. 

"Rude much? What the heck is with that guy? Not even here for freaking ten seconds and I can already say that I don't like him. I apologised to Daryl and Darius, and they accepted it — _he,_ " Raphael pointed with the screwdriver at Marlon, "has nothing to do with it."

Marlon leaned against the balcony's handrail, facing them with a smug expression while lighting a spliff.

"I don't like ya either, pink-haired brat. Darius is my boyfriend, and that's why it has somethin' to do with me. Ya better have a bit more up yer sleeve than a lame apology," he stated loudly, tilted his head back a little and winked at him.

"Mate, I'm about to scratch that damn grin off of his face," Raphael muttered, threateningly twirling the screwdriver as Gabriel gently grabbed his arm to calm him down. He was about to say something, but Darius, who suddenly had stepped in front of the balcony door, cut him off before.

"Your _boyfriend_ can handle this on his own, savvy? And it has _nothing_ to do with my teammate. So, for once, how about not poking your fucking nose into my business, hm? Why are you even here, for fuck's sake?"

Darius' voice boomed through the apartment and silenced everyone instantly. It wasn't like him to act this way, and although everyone wondered what exactly caused his hostile attitude, no one dared to ask him.

Raising his brows, Raphael turned around and looked into his room, expectantly staring at Daryl. The younger Nowak brother kneeled on the ground, unaffected by the whole situation, and kept building the bed.

He removed one of his earbuds, shook his head and shattered Raphael's hope of an explanation.

"No idea, mate, that's new for me too. Usually, my brother is super chilled, but he seems to have an issue with Marlon since Christmas. In any case, it sure gets on my nerves."

Raphael glanced back at the living room, but Darius wasn't within sight anymore.

"Yeah, he's in a pretty bad mood, and that's definitely not because I haven't told him about the lottery money," Gabriel added in a low voice and leaned against the doorframe.

Knitting his brows, Raphael locked eyes with Daryl again. "Since Christmas? And what was it before? For the past weeks, his attitude was pretty belligerent and pensive, which is probably why he constantly fucked up his training. I think it's like this since he's back from Europe, isn't it? It just had gotten worse."

After a brief moment, Gabriel hummed in agreement, and Daryl clicked his tongue, annoyed that he needed an outsider to make him realise something was wrong with Darius.

"Mate... I think you're right. The thing is, as good as my brother is in listening to other people's issues, he's even better in dodging conversations centred around him. I seriously have no idea what's going on." Shrugging his shoulders, Daryl picked up his work again while Gabriel reached for his roommate's screwdriver to put it aside.

They briefly smiled at each other, and while Raphael leaned against the doorframe's other side, his thoughts trailed off.

Darius generally was a friendly guy, but he definitely had some pent-up anger smouldering beneath his surface. 

Although he always coated it in his usual humorous sarcasm, the older Nowak brother lashed out pretty quickly lately when something upset him. And today, he didn't even try to cover it up. The way he barked at Marlon wasn't how one would talk to their partner if everything was sunshine and roses. Whatever it was that irritated him, if he hasn't told Gabriel or his own brother anything, hell would freeze over before Darius would say a word to Raphael. He might have accepted the apology, but they were far from being on good terms. 

Daryl, on the other hand, was much more approachable. 

Sighing, Raphael addressed him anew.

"Let's take a break. I'll make some coffee, and we all relax a moment to calm down a bit."

He stepped out of the room and squeezed Gabriel's shoulder in a comforting manner as he walked past him. Both men followed him and sat down on the couch while he started rummaging through a cupboard.

"Hey, Darius, we have this fancy coffee brewer that can make lots of different sorts; even latte macchiato. That was the one you liked most, right?" He peeked over his shoulder and smiled at the frowning man who leaned against the window wall.

"How do you know? I'm pretty sure I've never talked to you about anything. Let alone something personal," Darius answered in a halfhearted snarl while walking up to him, arms crossed and brow arched.

Daryl indifferently scrolled through his phone and started writing Rayne a message, not batting an eye on his brother's conversation. Gabriel, however, leaned back on the sofa to watch the fruit of Raphael's smooth pass. He was impressed by the nonchalant way he calmed Darius down. With a light smile on his lips, he witnessed how his roommate reeled him in with an easy bait as coffee; and his friend was totally oblivious. 

Raphael kept smiling while preparing the cups. "No, you haven't — I've overheard it before when you gave your interview; which was super interesting, by the way." He looked up and locked eyes with his teammate. "I've learned more about you in those thirty minutes than in two years of joint swim training," he grinned and focused back at the coffee mugs.

A small grumble escaped Darius' throat, but he said nothing in response. Instead, he quietly observed how Raphael filled one cup after another with hot beverages, sighed and sat down at the counter. "Add a tablespoon of sugar, please."

Smiling to himself, Raphael reached for the sugar pot as Daryl's laughter suddenly filled the room.

"Man, he sure is eccentric — where the hell does he even buy those clothes? Looks like a prince who just jumped out of a Shakespeare play," he muttered, causing everyone to stare a bit confusedly at him.

Gabriel glanced down at Daryl's phone, and the sight immediately constricted his heart. There was a photo of Ichi wearing a gorgeous black and green outfit that, indeed, looked like it was from a medieval play. With a gentle smile on his lips, he looked into the camera, a side of his delicate neck exposed, as he had his hair in a loose ponytail draped over his shoulder. Gabriel involuntarily teared up, noticing that Ichiro wore his necklace; he exhaled slowly with puffed cheeks and averted his gaze again. 

"Ah, sorry mate, that was insensitive of me," Daryl muttered and quickly closed the app. He gently nudged Gabriel's shoulder with his own in an apologetic manner; however, it was the thud of the balcony door that made Gabriel look up again. Marlon still had this odd, arrogant smirk on his lips while he leisurely sauntered over to the sitting area as if he would own the place.

"Princess uploaded a new pic of Vampy to her social media," he stated languidly, sat down and reached for one of the coffees Raphael just had placed on the table. "Pretty sure Darius saw it already." 

Although he didn't address anyone in particular with his explanation, his last words dripped of venom and were obviously directed towards his lover. The air instantly turned cold and tense, and the subsequent silence felt deafening.

Slightly confused, Raphael walked back to the kitchen and behind the counter, his voice barely audible as he leaned towards Darius. "Who's Vampy?"

"Ichiro. Marlon calls him Vampy because of his vampire looks," he answered in a low voice while he glared with such burning passion at his lover that it made Raphael uneasy. 

He hummed in response, reached for a pack of assorted biscuits and handed it over to his teammate to get back his attention.

"I don't know him, so I'm a bit curious. Could you show me the pic?" he asked and shoved the latte macchiato across the counter. Puzzled, Darius squinted at him while pulling his phone from his pocket.

"Haven't you seen him at the tournament last month?"

"Yeah, but only from afar. All I know is that Ichi is short, slim and has long black hair."

Darius nodded, tapped the display a few times and turned the device around. "There you go."

Raphael reached for it and, staring at the screen, his indifferent expression quickly turned into one of surprise. "Wow, bold outfit; I like it. Crossdresser?"

"Nope. He simply doesn't give a shit about gender roles."

Raphael nodded in understanding and zoomed into the picture. "Is that photoshopped? His face, I mean."

"Wha—" scrunching up his nose, Darius shook his head, "no, that's how he looks."

"Boy..." Zooming in and out a few times more, Raphael heaved a deep breath. He glanced over to Gabriel, who was vacantly staring at the coffee table's surface and absentmindedly pulling the skin from his bottom lip. His roommate didn't exaggerate when he described Ichiro — Raphael finally understood what Gabriel meant when he said he was attracted to a _'certain type'_. 

Inhaling sharply, he thoughtfully stroke across his jawline and handed back the phone.

"Gorgeous. Looks better than any girl I ever went out with," he muttered and locked eyes with Darius again.

"Yeah, he's beautiful, but you should get to know him; he really is a great guy. Smart, empathetic, funny and unintentionally cute, which is adorable." While averting his gaze, the hint of a tender smile played about Darius' lips as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

"Don't forget to save the pic, hun," Marlon teased while turning to their direction. Taking a sip from his coffee, he fixed his challenging gaze on Darius who immediately lashed out.

"I already have, and you know what? I think I'll print it and all the other pics of him to cover my whole fucking room in them when I'm in Canberra because I sure won't mount any of yours," he spat out and averted his gaze.

"Alright, I really have enough of this." Gabriel's low growl filled the air, immediately catching everyone's attention. He stood up from his place, closed his eyes and rubbed his face. "Marlon... The nerve to permanently make Ichi a topic when Darius and I are around... It's absolutely tactless." 

"I'm sorry, tiger." 

The apology sounded so shallow that it made Gabriel clench his teeth in response. "Nuh-uh, that won't do it today." 

Taking a deep breath, he fixed his gaze on Marlon. 

"Don't know what's the issue with you guys, but stop dragging Ichi into it, pothead, or I'll lose my shit. And I sure won't sit around, quietly watching how you incessantly pick on Darius. In my house even. First and foremost, Dariusis my friend, Marlon, not you, and you shouldn't forget that.

"I want you to leave for now, and If you've calmed down and sorted out whatever bothers you, feel free to attend our party at New Year's Eve."

Marlon huffed, the arrogant smirk already back on his lips, rubbed his nape and got up from his seat. Glancing at Darius, who purposefully ignored him, he walked over to the archway. He knew he had gone too far, but now it was too late to fix the situation. "I didn't mean to ruin yer day, tiger—"

"Yeah, just mine. Y'all must know that's Marlon's favourite hobby. Isn't it, _honey_?" Darius scoffed while dipping a cookie into his hot beverage, not even glancing at his lover.

Clicking his tongue, Marlon slightly shook his head, watching Darius a moment longer than necessary before fixing his gaze back on Gabriel. "See ya around, I guess. Take care, tiger, and call me if ya need anythin'." 

Without so much as looking at anyone else, he walked down the hallway and quietly left the apartment.

The tension subsided instantly, and Gabriel apologised for throwing their friend out, but Darius only shrugged his shoulders.

"Better this way."

"Man, what's with y'all lately? Don't ya get laid or what? Whenever I'm around anyone of you, someone has caused trouble. It's annoying as fuck," Daryl stated, got up from the couch and nudged Gabriel on his way to the hallway.

"Let's finish building Hawthorne's furniture. You need some distraction, and I'm sick of the drama." Knitting his brows, he glanced at his brother. "Ducky, maybe you should listen to mum for once."

"I don't need her to know what to do," Darius frowned at him and gestured towards the corridor. "Go, mind your own business, gremlin."

Sighing, Gabriel grabbed his now cold coffee and took a quick sip.

"Yeah, we should hurry. My family will be here in about an hour. Stop eating all the cookies and join us." He smiled at Raphael while ushering Daryl out of the room.

With a rather displeased expression on his chiselled features, Raphael swallowed a wafer and turned to Darius. "Mate, was your brother serious about the ever occurring drama?"

"Yep." 

Tilting back his head, Raphael groaned. "You're kidding me. It's always like today?"

Yes, it always was like this, wasn't it? And Darius realised that he started to feel relief about soon leaving all the reoccurring quarrels and problems behind. As much as he would want to stay for Ichiro, he had to go because of everything else, or it would turn pretty ugly in the end.

He bit into a cookie and sneered. "Welcome to the family, Hawthorne."

✵✵✵

Dmitrij's hand still lingered on his car's door as St. James already stepped out of the house — the sight made his heart skip a beat. Unfortunately, he couldn't maintain his usually indifferent expression and the small gasp that involuntarily escaped his lips only emphasised it. Dmitrij took his time as his eyes wandered about the young man's delicate frame, taking in every detail.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichiballetfullbodyao3wkkea.jpg)

He frowned as he noticed the cheeky smile that slowly spread about St. James elegant features, quickly walked around the car and held out the passenger door.

"Are you smiling at me, Mr St. James?"

Humming affirmatively, Ichiro got into the car. "Because you were checking me out." His voice was warm and low, and the teasing undertone matched with the mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

The corner of Dmitrij's mouth almost twitched into a smirk. He squinted at the young man and lightly shook his head. "I have not."

Ignoring St. James' chuckle, he closed the door with a soft thud, walked back to the other side and got in as well. 

Although St. James immediately turned to him, Dmitrij chose facing forward, as he already knew what came next and didn't want to risk losing the game.

"Your eyes slowly wandered all over my body and lingered quite a while on my thighs, did they not?"

Dmitrij clenched his teeth and started the engine. "That is correct."

"See? You were checking me out, lecher."

He could hear the broad, smug grin in St. James' voice, cursed internally and navigated his Bentley onto the street. Dmitrij knew he had no right to hope for anything, which is why he was thankful for what was granted to him; even if it meant to get mocked.

It always was on his expense when St. James was in a teasing mood, yet Dmitrij couldn't help but enjoy the banter. Foremost, because the misjudgement of his character always led to quite entertaining results. He knew he had grown accustomed to his overly formal and austere business attitude over the years. Nevertheless, he neither was stiff nor humourless; but that was something, St. James' hadn't figured out yet.

Dmitrij had learned to treasure rare moments like these and relished them.

Suppressing a smile while emanating his usual placid aura, he addressed St. James nonchalantly.

"Well, if you array yourself in attire that will make the ballet ensemble look poor in your presence, do not condemn me for staring at you." Dmitrij turned his head and gazed intensely at him. "You look immaculate, Mr St. James," he purred in a low voice, knowing of its effect on the young man.

"Huh." 

A fierce blush started tinging Ichiro's cheeks, followed by a deep frown that settled on his features as he turned away.

"That was smooth, I'll give you that," he grumbled, crossed his arms and looked out the window.

Now, Dmitrij allowed himself to smile as he highly enjoyed the adorable reaction. St. James was predictable, but not in a negative way. He had rough edges due to the hardships he went through but managed to preserve his pure core; something, Dmitrij found admirable.

He remembered how he told him once that his benevolence would be his Achilles heel, yet Dmitrij couldn't have been more wrong. It was what made St. James' to one of the strongest people he has had the honour to meet, and he was glad that he was allowed to spend time with him.

✵

Leisurely walking down the bustling road toward the theatre, the passersby eyed St. James outfit curiously, then stared at his face and smiled at Dmitrij afterwards. He was used to people regularly staring at him. Some because of his handsome features, others, because he almost marked two metres, and still others, because he looked intimidating. Whatever the reason was, he never cared about it and minded his own business. Today, however, he enjoyed it, as it wasn't him who received the sneaking looks but the man next to him. Although St. James obviously cared as little about it as Dmitrij usually. 

Being in his company felt good; Dmitrij liked that people saw them together. They didn't know what kind of twisted and perverse relationship they had, and he could pretend that everything was alright. Because in the eyes of those staring strangers, he wasn't the monster that raped Ichiro St. James but a lucky man, out on a date with an entirely beautiful being.

He hated himself for what he did; regretted it. Was ashamed that he never questioned the horrific practices of those around him, as he grew up in an environment that forced him to adapt. Watching them and their behaviour for so many years had deadened his mind, and eventually made him do something that was beyond expression. 

If he could turn back the time, he would. Not only back to that point in Japan but to his childhood in Vladivostok. Back to the point where he decided to join the mafia. Everything would have been better if he wouldn't have been stupid but an average child.

But now it was too late for regrets. Dmitrij had to deal with the consequences his live decisions had brought upon him. 

However, living with what he did to St. James was more than troublesome. A look into the young man's innocent face, who still treated him with kindness, hurt more than anything. 

He didn't deserve his kindness, yet, he greedily imbibed it, looked forward to it, as it made him happy. St. James gave him little, but it was more than he ever had received.

He flinched impalpable as knuckles brushed against his fingers, pulling him out of his thoughts. He must have unconsciously followed St. James into the theatre, as they already stood in front of the hall. 

His companion stared at him, frowning.

"Stop spacing out and show this lady the tickets. Where were our seats? I already forgot about it."

"Six and seven, third row," he answered, handed over the tickets, and casually placed his hand at St. James' lower back to escort him.

Arching a brow, the young man eyed him curiously but said nothing. However, Dmitrij was sure what he did was inappropriate, so he slowly let his hand fell back to his side. The apology forming in his throat was in vain, as St. James didn't wait for him but already weaved through the rows of chairs. Sighing, he followed him, pondering over what was alright to do and what not. 

Up until the weekend where St. James finally recognised him, Dmitrij did nothing but taunting him because he was mad at St. James for making him feel something. 

The relationships, he has had in the past, always have been solely platonic ones with women with common interests. Neither was Dmitrij ever romantically interested in someone nor sexually attracted to — until he saw the picture of St. James. 

The emotions, the mere photography of this man had caused to well up, were alien to him, disturbed him, as he couldn't name them. 

St. James held his mind occupied, invaded his thoughts, and the pent up irritation about it induced more bad decisions. That was dangerous, and the main reason why Dmitrij cared more about getting rid of it than about the effects his actions had on St. James. It started affecting his work negatively, and that was unacceptable. 

But it was different now.

Not only was he tired of fighting against it, he simply wanted to acknowledge his feelings because they brought him joy and comfort. Dmitrij knew it was too late for a happy ending, as he was the one ruining everything before it had even begun. 

Nonetheless, he sometimes allowed himself to think about _'what if—?'_ scenarios. 

Back then, St. James said he found Dmitrij handsome, and that he would have agreed to go on a date if he just would have asked. He freely would have been intimate with Dmitrij — all he would have had to do was asking. But he didn't. 

And now, he could only imagine how it would have been.

In his mind, they were happy. 

His favourite scenario was them being on an outdoor ice rink in winter in Tokyo, holding hands and skating together. St. James is wearing a long, woolly scarf and smiles a lot at him. After that, they drink hot chocolate and admire the lush decorated Christmas lights in the dark while taking a walk in a snowy park.

It was also the scenario that stung his heart the most, as he knew it was something St. James actually yearned for — but not with him at his side.

Thinking these things was ridiculous and pathetic; he knew that but couldn't help it. He was emotionally starved; longed for joy, warmth and affection. And St. James involuntarily had become a little ray of sunshine in his cold, grey, and abnormal life.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you're not feeling well, you could've said something beforehand. The evening is wasted if you're not paying attention, Dmitrij."

St. James once more pulled him out of his gloomy thoughts and watched him with clenched teeth, a deep crease between his brows.

"Are you thinking about your family? If so, I'm sorry. Actually, it was pretty insensitive of me to get you tickets for this while you're in the middle of a grieving process."

Averting his gaze, he sat down on chair number seven, and Dmitrij shook his head while taking the seat next to him. "I am not. Please, excuse my spacing out, Mr St. James, that was rude behaviour on my part. Your gift was not insensitive but rather thoughtful, as it is functioning as a distraction, and I appreciate that. So, do not concern yourself with me but enjoy the performance."

His gaze directed at the stage, St. James made a small gesture with his hand, acknowledging what he just heard, and leaned back into his chair. 

The odd sensation that spread through Dmitrij's stomach made him feel too many emotions at once; St. James' kindness and consideration were almost unbearable. His thoughts were fluctuating between self-loathe, grief, adoration and something, he refused to name.

Yes, he still was grieving, yet he could handle it somehow since he mostly banned it to the back of his head. Due to their joint past, the bond, he had with his family, never was strong. It was the circumstance of their deaths that was hard to stomach, as it was solely based on his life decisions; it was his fault that they've lost their lives. 

After the lights were dimmed, and the hall became eerily quiet, act one opened with the Overture's soft music. Simultaneously, both men placed their arms onto the rest in the middle, and Dmitrij immediately pulled back as he accidentally touched St. James. The Japanese only briefly glanced at him but addressed him quietly while focusing back on the performance.

"Don't be ridiculous, Dmitrij, and put your arm back on here. I couldn't care less if we touch, seriously."

Nodding, he obeyed the request and glanced at St. James, whose eyes followed the dancers, observing each of their moves. Although he seemed like he was watching the performance like everyone else, his gaze was analysing. Dmitrij smiled softly, wondering if he ever danced in this play as well, and decided to ask him about it at the following dinner.

The warmth emanating from St. James seeped into his skin, slowly accelerating his heartbeat, as the tingle from where they touched spread all over his body. 

Dmitrij subtly pressed his arm a bit more against Ichiro's, intensifying the pleasant feeling that started flooding him. How marginal physical contact like this could grant one such immense satisfaction was beyond his comprehension — but for once, he didn't feel the need to scrutinise. 

✵

After they had entered Dmitrij's favourite eatery, more sneaking looks followed them as the waitress escorted them to their table. Dmitrij dined here once a week all by himself, and regularly with business partners. Seeing him in St. James' company was enough to make the owner and employees gasp in astonishment. Secretly eyeing their new guest while smiling in bewilderment at Dmitrij, they made it difficult for him to stifle his own grin. He tremendously enjoyed their whisper and wondered what they were thinking. 

St. James, well-mannered as he was, bowed and introduced himself to the owner when he addressed them amicably. He even smoothly slipped in that he and _Dima_ were friends, causing Dmitrij's heart to throb violently in response. That actually was ridiculously embarrassing, yet Dimitrij couldn't do anything about it. He knew it was a lie; St. James never would consider him a friend, but hearing him say it made Dmitrij happy.

After they had exchanged pleasantries, the owner lighted a candle and quietly retreated. They sat in silence for a while, and Dmitrij saw nothing but his companion's knit brows peeping out from behind the menu as he studied the restaurant's culinary selection. 

St. James sighed and put down the card; the crease between his eyes a lot deeper than before. It was funny to Dmitrij, how easy to read the young man's expressions were.

"I recommend the Beouf Bourguignon and the Coq au Vin."

St. James locked eyes with him, squinting.

"The latter was chicken with mushrooms, right?"

Dmitrij huffed in amusement and nodded. "Simply put, yes. The former is beef with similar ingredients, and both are cooked in red wine, which is why I recommend ordering a pinot noir with it. Are you familiar with the different sorts of wine, Mr St. James?"

St. James crossed his legs beneath the table and tipped his head to the side.

"I'm not because I don't care much about wine. However, I'm sure you're well versed, so I'll simply eat and drink the same as you because I'm hungry, and not in the mood to prolong this with a lesson."

A light smile spread across Dmitrij's lips, as St. James' forthright nature simply was delightful. Nodding subtly, he lifted his index finger, gesturing the waitress that they were ready to place their order. 

While soft classical music reverberated through the dining area, the delicious aroma of Boeuf Bourguignon and freshly baked bread wafted over to them. The waitress skillfully set up their table and filled their wine glasses with a dark-red pinot noir while repeatedly glancing at St. James. 

Gently smiling, he thanked her in a warm voice, addressing her by her name, which the owner had mentioned before. Immediately, the flustered woman's cheeks turned bright pink, and a shy smile spread across her features. She couldn't hide the sparkle in her eyes, but tried to stay professional, bowed and quickly retreated — it was endearing.

"It seems like she is interested in you, Mr St. James," Dmitrij noted before taking a sip from his wine.

"Yeah, but she's too adorable for a one-night-stand, and I'm not interested in dating."

He reached for the cutlery and started eating, indifferently glancing at Dmitrij. After he had swallowed his first bite, he knit his brows and addressed him.

"Delicious. Anyway, it's interesting that you weren't surprised by my answer."

"I do know that you and Gabriel— Well, I deemed it inappropriate asking about it."

"How considerate," St. James scoffed and continued eating.

Sadness and pain flitted across his features, and Dmitrij decided, quickly navigating the conversation to a different topic would be best. His question regarding the ballet came back to his mind.

"Have you ever played in a Nutcracker performance, Mr St. James?"

Ichiro frowned but kept his gaze on his plate.

"Of course. Every year." He chewed, swallowed, and locked eyes with Dmitrij. "We were just a small, insignificant ensemble, solely relying on donations and our ticket sales. The Nutcracker made about forty per cent of our yearly income and secured our survival. No other play is as fancied around the holidays. I even skipped university last December because we had too many performances."

"That is interesting." Dmitrij took a bite from his beef, swallowed and tilted his head, watching him. 

He was impressed by St. James' daily life back in Japan. It must have been exhausting to attend lectures and ballet training five days a week. The performances usually were held at weeknights and weekends; where he also had to work at the bar. Not to forget about studying for exams and his occasional modelling jobs. St. James probably never had free time but always worked himself to the bone. Dmitrij wondered if he currently might feel uneasy about being unproductive since he still had trouble to gain a foothold in his new home. He decided not to ask, as it easily could ruin the mood.

Smiling, he lowered his cutlery.

"Would you tell me which role you have played? Was it the prince?"

"Nope." The hint of a smirk played about St. James' lips as he squinted at him. "I was the Sugar Plum Fairy."

"As a man?"

Dmitrij obviously couldn't hide his surprise, as St. James huffed a laugh in response.

"Don't look so flabbergasted — although you lived in Tokyo as well, you've never heard of the male, blue-eyed fairy, Mr Ballet-Inthusiast? Quite disappointing," he smirked and shoved a mushroom into his mouth.

Dmitrij jerkily shook his head. "Yes, no, I am sorry for being ignorant in that regard. I did not have much time for—" he briefly closed his eyes, shaking his head anew. "However, I really am surprised since that usually is the role of a danseuse."

"M-hm, but as I said, we were a small, semi-professional ensemble; and limited. Of all our members, I danced the fairy's part best and got the role — easy as that. Our ballet master even purposefully used me for gaining attention. The placards were close-up portraits of me in my costume, my eyes highlighted, and advertised with _'Get bewitched by our blue-eyed Sugar Plum Fairy.'_ It was embarrassing but lucrative. 

"Unfortunately, many people truly came solely for my looks, or because they wanted to see how a man fucked up the role," he sighed. "That always bothered me."

Taking a sip from his wine, St. James let his gaze wander. 

"I wanted to be more than my eyes, my face. I wanted to prove my skill; that a man, that _I_ could dance the fairy as equally good as a girl."

"I would love to see you dance. Your movements surely are immaculate, graceful and enchanting," Dmitrij muttered without thinking, realising too late what he just let slip. 

To his surprise, St. James locked eyes with him again, smiled and nodded.

"My friend Ellio recorded the performance on Christmas Eve last year — I'll ask them to send me the video, and then I'll pass it on to you."

Dmitrij couldn't help but frown at St. James' unusually friendly and accomodating behaviour, which immediately earned him a sarcastic remark.

"What? Even though you're hot for me, I don't mind sharing it with you because I know you're genuinely interested in ballet."

Shrugging his shoulders to play it down, he averted his gaze and continued eating. However, the blush on his cheeks showed that it was of more importance to him than he admitted.

"I thank you, Mr St. James. May I ask with whom you usually share it? Who of your loved ones is interested in your dances?"

St. James briefly clenched his teeth and kept his gaze down.

"Dad, Claire and Ellio."

Three people — and two of them never were able to be present. Three people were the only ones who showed interest in St. James' hard work. In something, he did with pride, passion, and dedicated himself to for more than a decade. As the mere thought already left Dmitrij aching for him; he couldn't even imagine how sad and frustrated St. James must have been all those years.

He put down his cutlery, reached across the table and delicately brushed a fingertip over Ichiro's knuckles.

"Mr St. James, If I am allowed making a request; I would like to watch it in your presence, as I would want to give you direct praise and feedback for your performance. 

"I am aware of a ballet dancer's arduous efforts. I know how they work themselves to the bone, day in and day out, only to bring their audience joy with their impeccable performances. The least we can do is showing our appreciation at any time by letting them know that we genuinely value their great sacrifices."

He drew back his hand the moment St. James locked eyes with him. They were glossy, highlighting their turquoise tinge and gave the illusion of staring into small oceans filled with secrets and emotions, Dmitrij wished to discover.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichiballetsadao3esk84.jpg)

Ichiro quietly kept gazing at him, rapidly blinking a few times before he briefly nodded and looked back at his plate.

The atmosphere was tranquil as they kept eating in silence, and Dmitrij dared to believe that he and St. James just had become a little closer.


	29. Guardian Demon

"I still think this isn't a good idea," he murmured under his breath and reached for his sister's hand.

Nothing but the elevator's electric humming filled the air as Ichiro watched the red digits of the golden-framed display turning from the 18th to the 19th floor; they were almost there. 

He was nervous, uncomfortable, and didn't want to be here. He wanted to stay at home, eating unhealthy snacks and playing games all night long. However, after his sister approached him with her  _ fantastic surprise _ , staying at home was out of the question, as he would have had to disappoint beloved people. Rayne was so happy to spend the turn of the year with him, with her 'dear onii-san' as she said before hugging him so tightly that she squeezed all the air out of his lungs.

Gabriel and Rayne had the idea to combine a New Year's party with a house warming. And while they were planning it, Gabriel asked if it would be alright to invite Ichiro as well — of course, his sister agreed without thinking it through. Now, Ichiro couldn't back out and had to put on a brave face to not make it awkward and unnecessarily tense between him and his ex. 

That Gabriel and his sister really thought it would be a good idea... Sometimes, Ichiro wondered if they both shared a single brain cell.

Rayne reassuringly squeezed his fingers and smiled tenderly at him as he glanced her way.

"Their apartment is ginormous, and they have a balcony — you sure will find a way to avoid awkward situations. It's better than spending New Year's alone at home, isn't it? I bet, Hawthorne will cling to you the whole evening; he's so eager to get to know you, Gabe says. Did you hear his radio interview? He apologised."

Nodding, Ichiro heaved a breath. "Darius wrote me a message when it aired. Raphael seems to be a nice guy. His apology was a noble gesture yet unnecessary. I wasn't even mad at him."

"Well,  _ I  _ was, but I'm petty, so..." Shrugging her shoulders, Rayne grinned toothily, making her brother smile in response.

The weirdly bouncing sensation in his stomach announced their arrival at the 23rd floor. The elevator's door smoothly glided open without making a sound and gave sight to a posh-looking hallway. Sighing, Ichiro let go of Rayne's hand.

"Fucking rich kid environment."

Cackling, his sister grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him all the way to the apartment, where Raphael leaned against the open door, smiling. Since Ichiro only briefly saw him at the tournament, where he wore goggles and a bathing cap, Raphael's handsome features surprised him. Angular face, chiselled features, sharp eyes, flawless styling and a winning smile. He was almost of the same height and build as Gabriel — they must look good next to each other. 

"Good evening, you two, and thank you for coming. I'm sorry that I'm the one who's welcoming you; Montgomery went out to pick up one of his guests and still hasn't returned yet. Raphael Hawthorne, nice to meet you, lovely lady." Smiling toothily, he took Rayne's hand and made her blush in response.

Although he was as charismatic and of winning manner as his radio interview let assume, Ichiro didn't pay much attention to him or his Exchange with Rayne. His mind was busy processing what their host just said — Gabriel wasn't home. Ichiro simply could look for a dark corner and hide until it was socially acceptable to leave. A sigh of relief escaped him involuntarily as he shook Raphael's extended hand. He bowed lightly and introduced himself, earning a soft smile from his counterpart. 

"Ichiro, hey," Raphael firmly squeezed Ichiro's hand and locked eyes with him. "I am very sorry for insulting you and having caused trouble. I know that's not—"

"It's ok, mate. Don't sweat it," Ichiro cut him off, tipped his head to the side and smiled. "The most important thing for you was to sort it out with Gabriel, and since you're living together now, it seems to have worked out well."

Raphael huffed an amused laugh and let got of Ichiro's hand. "You sure are laid back; I really am glad that I got the chance to meet you," he gestured inside and Rayne promptly walked into the apartment. Closing the door, Raphael addressed Ichiro once more; in a low voice this time. "You'd prefer not being here, huh?"

Ichiro averted his gaze, smiling apologetically. "That obvious, hm?"

"Kinda. But I totally understand. The situation is awkward as hell, and I actually don't get why he invited you in the first place. Montgomery is such a dense, emotional cripple sometimes."

Both men snickered, and Ichiro followed Gabriel's roommate through a large hallway to an even more spacious living-dining area. Several people he didn't know stood scattered across the room, chatting and laughing. He assumed those were Raphael's and Gabriel's teammates with their significant others. He spotted Daryl, who grinned at him, lifting his drink in greeting while pulling Rayne into his arm; but neither was there a trace of Darius nor Marlon. 

Slowly walking over to the kitchen, where Raphael started preparing drinks, Ichiro let his gaze wander about the interior. It looked tasteful and cosy, had lots of greenery and paintings of the sea. The shelf construction above and around the TV and fireplace caught his attention, as it was stuffed with things unusual for Gabriel's taste. Collector's editions and complete volumes of almost all of Ichiro's favourite games, manga and anime. Wondering, if Raphael really had  _ this  _ many interests with him in common, he flinched a little as the guy's voice rang out right next to him.

"The building is luxurious as hell, but Montgomery sure managed to keep his apartment kinda down to earth — I really like how he decorated it. Although his geekiness totally breaks with the entire remaining furnishing." He pointed to the shelf. "His collections are impressive," Raphael stated, handing Ichiro a ginger ale. "Oh, he told me your favourite drink," he added, noticing St. James' bewildered expression. 

Nodding in acknowledgement, Ichiro heaved a breath and whispered a croaked 'Thank you'. He had trouble keeping his composure as he realised what the shelves' contents meant. "He isn't."

"Hm?" Now it was Raphael, who stared at him in puzzlement.

"Into anime and stuff. Gabriel doesn't care much about it — but I do." 

He blinked away upwelling tears, smiled and took a sip of his ginger ale.

Mouth agape, Raphael pressed the tip of his tongue against his upper teeth, deep in thought. He knit his brows and followed Ichiro's line of sight, that had stopped at the large canvas with the vibrant ocean waves. Suddenly, it clicked. He felt dumb for only now realising the meaning of its initials.

"You painted that, right?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah... I didn't like it and banned it into the garage because I wanted to throw it away with the next rubbish collection. I thought my dad got rid of it for me since it was gone one day. Seems I was wrong."

Ichiro started chewing his lip and averted his gaze. "I'm sorry— I have to step outside for a minute."

"Yeah, of course. There's a small sitting area, but if you want to have your peace and quiet, go to the right; the balcony goes around the corner."

Ichiro bowed his head — his cheeks were flushed, as he was probably embarrassed about losing his composure in front of a stranger. He whispered an apology and forced himself to smile but couldn't conceal the sadness and discomfort on his gorgeous features. 

Raphael's gaze followed him until he had stepped outside. Sighing, he closed his eyes and cursed his roommate internally for being so incredibly insensitive. 

If he had known that basically everything in here screamed  _ Ichiro _ , he would have insisted on not inviting him. Now, he had to find out how to quickly hide all the canvases, paints and easels in the small study, as he now knew Gabriel had bought them for St. James as well. 

If he would like to see the rest of the apartment, he would probably burst into tears eventually as soon as they reached that room. 

Raphael placed his drink back on the counter and quickly strode over to his bedroom. He rummaged through several drawers, finally found a blank sheet of paper and wrote a quick 'out of order' note on it.

After sticking it to the study's door and storing the key in his pocket, he wanted to go outside to check on Ichiro, but the ringing intercom stopped him midway. It was Darius; alone. 

Frowning, he opened the door and waited for him — the expression on his teammate's face as he stepped out of the elevator was slightly frightening. Raphael smiled and chose to not ask questions as he ushered Darius inside.

"Is Frosty here?" Darius asked in such a cold and curt tone that Raphael pondered how to answer as he didn't want to rile him up even more. 

Since the name didn't fit any of their mutual acquaintances, he assumed his teammate meant St. James.

"Ichiro is on the balcony, should you mean him."

Darius sighed and glanced apologetically at him. "Yeah... Sorry. Fucked up day. Is he with Gabe?"

Shaking his head, Raphael looked toward the living room as both men slowly walked down the hallway. "Montgomery picks up one of his guests. Since Ichi only knows your brother and Rayne, who both are standing over there," he pointed next to the couch, "he should be alone." 

Darius patted Raphael's shoulder and looked to the open glass door, brows tightly knit. "I need to talk to him; it's important. Would be cool if you could keep people away from us for a while."

"Sure thing."

Both men briefly smiled at one another before Darius headed outside without greeting any of the guests. 

Raphael caught himself sighing again, which definitely happened too often for being on a party that was supposed to be fun and relaxing.

The intercom buzzed anew, and while rolling his eyes, he turned around and walked back to the front door.

Although he still couldn't get used to the high society that had become his new environment, Ichiro had to admit that some luxuries had nice effects. He really enjoyed the night view from up here, with all its glistening and twinkling lights that reflected like a kaleidoscope on the many building's glassy facades. However, the beautiful sight wasn't enough to calm down his hurting heart. Knowing that Gabriel bought this apartment with him in mind was more than he could swallow tonight. That must have been the reason why he hadn't said anything before. Ichiro felt horrible for thinking negatively about Gabriel's secrecy, as he apparently simply wanted to surprise him. His throat constricted anew, but approaching footsteps managed to distract him.

"Hey, Frosty. I'm not happy seeing you here, you know?" Darius said in a low voice, a sad smile on his lips as he pulled him into his arms.

Ichiro deeply inhaled his friend's pleasant and calming scent, squeezed him while rubbing his head against his firm chest.

"I'm so glad you're finally here — I feel so out of place. I wanted to stay home, but Rayne..." He didn't finish the sentence but heaved a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Darius said nothing but soothingly kept stroking his back, sensing the overall tension in Ichiro. 

Being with Darius always calmed him down and eased his mind; made him feel comfortable in his own skin. Just as much as being at home, wrapped in a cosy blanket while sipping a hot tea and gazing out the window, watching the rain. 

Darius felt like home. 

That was fascinating, but also frustrating, as he still hadn't figured out why it never was like this with anyone else; not even with Gabriel.

After a while, Darius pressed a light kiss onto his head and gently pushed him away. "I have to talk to you." Sighing, he forced himself to smile. "I know tonight probably isn't the ideal moment either, but it seems like we're trapped in a truckload of bullshit, and I doubt that it'll get any better soon. I really have to tell it today, or it'll hurt you even more in the end."

Ichiro's heart sunk into the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure what exactly Darius could mean by that, but he already knew he wouldn't be able to deal well with it; especially not tonight. Since he had run out of meds, he practically could feel how his mental state became more and more fragile and deranged with each passing day. 

However, Darius was as sensitive as he was, and whatever bothered him was probably equally tough on him — and that was something Ichiro couldn't bear. He wanted to see him happy and would do his best to share his friend's problems. Not only because he wanted him to be happy but because he knew Darius would do the same without batting an eye.

Taking a step back, Ichiro leaned against the railing, his gaze still focused on his friend. "Stop with that guilty look. I'm sure we'll find a way working through whatever is giving you a hard time." He smiled reassuringly, but Darius huffed a strained laugh, looking even sadder than before.

"You're a gem, Frosty. I appreciate you so much." Pulling him close once more, Darius squeezed him firmly before turning sideways to watch the nightly skyline.

"I've met with my coach today and told him that I'm leaving the team."

"Sick of swimming?" Ichiro asked, taking the spot right next to him.

"Yeah, well... I still like it, but not enough to make it the centre of my life. It's more of a hobby to me. I finally want to pursue the career I already have in mind for a long time, which is why I—" heaving a deep breath, he clicked his tongue.

Ichiro watched how Darius traced the outlines of his long and slender fingers with his fingertips over and over again — he clearly was nervous and fumbling for words. 

He decided to help him a little by asking questions to keep the conversation going because he feared his friend would back down otherwise.

"Did you take an apprenticeship somewhere? Or are you going back to university but for real this time? I would be happy if you found a way to pursue your dream, Mr Darcy." He smiled gently while looking at Darius' handsome profile.

Frowning, his friend slowly licked his lips, obviously pondering over something. After a short moment, he turned his head to face Ichiro, his brows still knit.

"Even if I move to Canberra for about four years?"

Ichiro's heart skipped a beat as he quickly swallowed his gasp. Four years — that was a long time. Losing not only Gabriel but Darius as well would become hard to deal with. However, selfishly guilt-tripping his friend for leaving was out of the question. 

Thanks to today's easy travelling and advanced technology, there were several ways to make it less painful. 

And if his parents were able to commute between Melbourne and Sydney, he surely could handle occasional flights to Canberra. 

Nodding reassuringly, he smiled.

"Of course. I mean, Canberra isn't directly next door and four years is quite a bit time, but I'm sure we can manage that. You'll always have my support, Darius."

Tilting back his head, Darius closed his eyes and heaved a deep breath, grimacing. "Why are you like this?" he whispered while focusing back on him.

"Hm?" Slightly confused, Ichiro smiled but couldn't stop his brows from forming a crease on his forehead. Rubbing the tip of his nose, he tipped his head to the side. "Like what?"

Darius stared at him through narrowed eyes, his gaze briefly dropping to Ichiro's lips. He shook his head, almost in slow motion, and probably more to himself than to signal anything. While he exhaled audibly, Ichiro gently poked his chest. "Everything alright, Mr Darcy?"

"Wha—yeah. Anyway! I'll study at UC. I want to make my Bachelor of Physiotherapy 'cause I want to work with athletes; not being one. I already have a university place."

"Hey, that sounds great! Seriously, I'm so happy that you'll go your way." Ichiro beamed at him, genuinely pleased that his friend had figured out what he wanted to do with his life. At the same time, he became painfully aware of his own failure. Although he always had everything meticulously planned, clear goals and tight schedules, there was nothing left but occasional modelling and chaos since he moved to Melbourne. His life goals had become a foggy blur, the structure, he needed to properly function, was gone, and it seemed as if everything fell more and more apart.

Realising that he was drifting to the dark places in his head, Ichiro quickly caught his breath and addressed his friend.

"Then, I guess, you'll hang out with Marlon's family a lot; good to know that you won't be alone. Apropos alone: where's Marlon?"

Darius clicked his tongue and briefly averted his gaze. 

"Not here," he growled, making it clear that this wasn't a topic he wanted to discuss, and Ichiro reacted promptly. "Wasn't his sibling-in-law a professor at the university?"

"Yeah, Fernanda was the one who arranged everything in the first place. They will be my teacher, and I can live with them too. They and Alessia even have their own practice, and I can work there part-time. That's, like, the best scenario that could've ever happen to me, and I'm super grateful for the opportunity. 

"If I follow through the whole four years, I'll have saved enough for a deposit for my own house in Melbourne. And then—" he watched Ichiro through half-lidded eyes, a smug grin forming on his lips.

With an amused frown on his features, Ichiro cocked his head again. "And then?"

Driving his tongue across his bottom lip, Darius tilted his head as well. "Don't you think we need something to drink? I think we should drink something." He grinned mischievously, gently pushing Ichiro's nose with his fingertip. "Don't move, I'll be right back," he purred, winked at him and turned on his heel. 

"The heck is that supposed to mean?" Ichiro whispered to himself while firmly pressing his palms against his hot cheeks.

He smiled, thinking that the evening could turn out nicely anyway, thanks to Darius. Sighing, he was about to turn back to the skyline as the windows next to him suddenly became bright. Since the whole room was illuminated now, he immediately recognised some of Gabriel's belongings — and when his eyes darted over to the door, the man himself stood there. Flinching, Ichiro instinctively stepped back into the shadow, his back pressed against the metal handrail. His heart started hammering in his chest, and he felt like she shouldn't be here, but he was unable to move. His breathing became shallow as he stared into the room, like a deer, trapped in a headlight's bright shine.

Cheeks flushed and a crooked smile on his lips, Gabriel talked to someone who stood behind him in the doorframe's shadow. 

Marcus smirked, his eyes glinting with desire as he bit his lip while pushing the surprised-looking Gabriel into the room. He kicked the door shut, and then, everything went on fast, became blurry and surreal to Ichiro. 

He registered Marcus kneeling down in front of his ex-lover, making quick work of the belt and pants' buttons before sucking his dick.

Gabriel looked startled for a moment, but that expression vanished quickly to make room for lust. He licked his lips, curled his fingers into Marcus' locks while pushing his head down to the base.

Ichiro knew this was bound to happen; nonetheless, his stomach turned, as it was only a week ago when they cried in each other's arms, vowing their love. This was unreal. It destroyed everything they promised each other, as it felt shallow now. He parted his lips, wanted to scream, but not even a whisper left his constricted throat. Hot tears streamed down his face while a wave of burning heat washed over his body. This was too much. Everything had become too much to bear, and this was the final straw. He sank to the ground before his knees could give up beneath him, his eyes still glued to Gabriel's face.

A sudden, loud bang made him wince. Liquid ran down the floor-to-ceiling window, Gabriel stared in shock at him and someone next to him. Ichiro gazed up; Darius was back and had thrown their drinks against the window. His hands clenched into fists, he glared with deep disgust at Gabriel and Marcus, turned to the side and peeled Ichiro from the ground. "Come with me, Frosty. I'll take you home, but you'll have to wait for a second in the kitchen. Amy is here, you know? The radio host. She just told me your interview airs tomorrow. How about saying hi, hm?" His voice was gentle and consoling, and the entire way back into the apartment, he kept stroking Ichiro's arms. His scent; he calmed him down a bit. Darius scent was so ... home. He wanted to go home.

Amy smiled at him, said something to him, but it didn't reach his ears, so he simply smiled back, hoping she won't ask questions he couldn't answer right now. She was sweet, he liked her. They wanted to make a boba tour, didn't they? He shook his head; his mind was foggy. Voices and music, everything blurred together, sounded like he was underwater.

Daryl and Rayne were with Amy, and Rayne immediately slung her arm around Ichiro's shoulders, kissing his cheek. She loved him.

"I love you, Rayne," he murmured, earning a confused smile and a firm hug. He didn't know why he said that; it was awkward in a situation like this, wasn't it? He felt like a robot; felt his mind, his sanity slipping away, and couldn't grasp a clear thought or form a proper sentence.

In the corner of his eyes, he saw Darius and Raphael leave for a smaller corridor at the kitchen's upper right — where were they going? Going. He wanted to go. Excusing himself, Ichiro walked over to the large hallway and quietly left the apartment.

"Darius, what's up? What happened?" Raphael asked while following his teammate to the master bedroom. He was confused because everything happened so fast. Darius and Ichiro came back in, and a second later, Nowak grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the kitchen. And the only thing Darius said was that he needed a witness. A witness for what?

However, Raphael still got no answer. Instead, his teammate yanked open the door, immediately pushing Montgomery across the room. "I told ya, I'd punch you," he hissed through his teeth, lunged out and crashed his fist against his friend's jaw. "A fucking week, Gabe? So much about focusing on swimming, huh? I'd never do that, Darius," he mocked Gabriel, parroting his voice. 

Montgomery staggered backwards, shook his head and held his jaw while quickly focusing back on his friend.

In stark contrast to the highly irritated Darius, Gabriel was eerily calm. Licking across his burst lip, he averted his gaze, heaving a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

"No, fuck you and your poor apology!" Darius barked at him, his expression contorted in rage.

The whole scenario, especially getting ignored by all parties, annoyed Raphael to no end.

"What the hell, mates? Can I finally get an explanation? And why is that unlikable brat in here?"

"Hey, you don't even know me, so you better shut your mouth!" Marcus snapped at him but immediately took a step back as he earned Raphael's glare in response. "Listen,  _ Marcus _ , I can smell smooth-tongued fuckboys and their smarmy approaches at a long-distance— Oooh... Wait, wait, wait," Raphael threw his hands up in horror as he realised what was going on. "Montgomery, are you serious? At our freaking house warming party? Ichi is here, mate!" 

Neither Gabriel nor Marcus said anything in response, but Darius turned to him — he looked worn out.

"Frosty saw this lowlife," he gestured with his chin toward Marcus, "sucking Gabe's cock from outside."

Raphael's brows shot up, his handsome features turning into a disgusted grimace. "This has to be a joke."

"I wish," Darius retorted, carefully stroking across his swollen knuckles.

"And I told Ichi, he should go over to this side of the balcony, fuck."

Darius huffed, his brows knit. "Hawthorne, this isn't  _ your  _ fault, ya know? However, I don't want to spend any longer than necessary here," he growled, turning to the door. "I'll take him home now. Don't you dare to contact him, Gabe. You'll only make it worse; especially if you come up with such a  _ splendid  _ excuse as 'he was just checking out my belt'," he scoffed. Darius glanced over his shoulder, glaring at his friend. "Happy new year," he spat out, nodded in greeting to Raphael and left.

✵

After buying a whiskey bottle at a gas station, Ichiro aimlessly wandered the streets, numbing his mind with the strong alcohol that burned its way down his throat. His phone vibrated for the umpteenth time in his pocket. He ignored it although he knew it was Darius again. Ichiro felt sorry for not answering his calls, as he knew his friend must be worried sick. However, he was in no state to talk about anything related to what happened tonight because he knew he would break down. What he needed was a distraction, but anyone he knew was at the party or too far away. His parents were at a fundraiser event in Sydney, and Marlon was no option. He lived too far away, and there was something negative going on between him and Darius, which he would probably try to unload. 

Nothing, Ichiro could take tonight.

"Waaait... I forgot about one," he slurred in a low voice while fishing his phone from his pocket. Taking another large sip of whiskey, he dialled a number when suddenly shimmering fireworks started to fill the night sky, ringing in the New Year. Ichiro cursed, as the background noise was loud and irritating. He quickly strode over to a bench, put down the bottle and pressed his index finger against his ear right in time.

_ "Mr St. James, are you calling me to wish me a Happy New Year?" _ Dmitrij asked in an amused tone.

"Huh? No, whatever, Happy New Year, Dima. What are you doing?" he slurred and quickly cleared his throat.

_ "I am attending an event my —colleagues— have organised. Mr St. James, are you drunk? Are you still at Gabriel's party?" _

"Oh, a social gathering with your mafia boys; sounds exciting. Can I join? Wanna hang out with me, Dima? I'm not at the party anymore because I saw Marcus sucking Gabriel's cock. Was kinda unpleasant. I'm outside, somewhere. I have whiskey. It was cheap and tastes disgusting, but I'd share it with you."

_ "Mr St. James, where are you?" _

Concern resonated in Dmitrij's deep voice.

"Dunno, here aren't any street signs," he lied while staring directly at one. "I'm getting a cab now anyway and go home. Probably. I'm sick of everything. Have fun with your dangerous Bratva boys and live a good life." __

He ended the call before Dmitrij could answer, chugged down the rest of his whiskey and dialled another number. 

About ten minutes later, a taxi driver honked him out of his slumber. Although Ichiro considered visiting a club to score with the next best person he would meet, he decided to go home anyway. 

During the ride, his phone vibrated four more times — and Ichiro turned it off eventually.

✵

"Hey, family, I'm home! But you don't know that because you're never here!" he shouted into the void, peeled off his clothes while climbing the steps and was naked as he reached his bathroom. Ichiro felt nauseous but hated the sensation of vomiting, so he decided to take a lukewarm shower to sober up. The water already pattered onto the tiled floor while he still stood in front of the large mirror. The lighted frame illuminated his features, made his silky hair shine, and highlighted the dark circles under his reddened eyes. And it let the necklace sparkle; Gabriel's necklace. Clenching his teeth, Ichiro reached around his nape, opened the delicate clasp and put the keepsake of Glenn Montgomery aside.

Ichiro looked back into the mirror, let his eyes wander about his naked body. He still was fit, but he had lost muscle mass since he stopped doing ballet. Sighing, he locked eyes with his mirror image. His face was pale due to the feeling of sickness, and the blurry mascara gave him accidentally smokey eyes, but he looked good nonetheless. 

Disgusted, Ichiro spat against his reflection.

"Man, look how gorgeous I am. Everyone adores my pretty face, my appeal. Yeah, I look great, don't I? So great." He reached for a pair of scissors. "Everyone loves my beauty, everyone's hot for me, wants to fuck me, but no one wants to be with me. No one really loves me — they all just love what they see. And if they don't see me anymore, they forget about me quickly. Isn't that right, Gabriel?"

Tears started rolling down his face as he randomly started to cut off thick strands of his hair. "Let's see how much they like me when I'm ugly," he whispered, his voice cracking. 

One lock after another fell down into the sink, turning it into a pool of blackness, reminding him of the dark place in his mind that started calling for him again. 

"I should have died back then, shouldn't I?" he asked his mirror self. "Is it wrong that I'm still here? Is that why all these horrible things are happening to me?" He choked on his tears, his throat constricted. 

"Not only my— my own mother ... no," he rubbed his face, scratched it with his nails from his temples down to his jaw and vigorously enough to leave marks. "E-even ... even my life wants to ... wants to get rid of me, huh?" 

He snuffled, gasping for air before losing his last bit of composure.

For so many years, he endured a life that had turned into a nightmare when his father left. Ichiro tried so hard to be a likeable person, did his best to fit in, repressed his inner self as best as he could, but failed over and over again. 

He gave up, but they didn't let him go. So what other options did he have next to trying to escape differently? And, stupid as he was, he really thought he was successful. Thought, he had tricked the nightmare and started to believe that he had a real chance of living a happy life. But it was the nightmare that had tricked him, as it was here with him all along, waiting in the shadows of his mind for the right moment to consume him again. 

Wasn't that enough proof that it was his fault all along? Why had he been so naive after so many years of constant failure? He was the faulty bit that ruined everyone's life next to his own. He was the one that turned everyone around him against him; even Gabriel. 

He was glad that Darius would move soon because that meant there wasn't enough time to ruin him as well. They would part as friends, and he would remember him fondly. 

His  _ friend _ . 

"Why are you still lying to yourself, baka (idiot)?" 

Ichiro's vision turned more and more blurry as he started sobbing uncontrollably. His body trembled violently, and his heart hammered furiously in his chest. A feeling of dizziness slowly spread through his head as he felt the blood draining from it.

"I hate everything... I hate myself so much." He choked anew, clasped his hands around the counter's edges and stared at his reflection again. "Still not ugly enough. I SHOULD CUT MY FUCKING FACE OFF, DAMMIT!" He shouted and punched against the mirror, once, twice, three times, until it shattered with a loud bang.

Ichiro winced as shards as sharp as razor blades cut through his flesh like a knife through warm butter. Blood splattered against his face, ran down his cut knuckles and dripped onto the floor. He wiped his hand across his cheek, felt that he smeared fresh blood all over it. His breathing increased rapidly, and the adrenaline that was rushing through every fibre of his body, made his skin feel tingly. Frustration, hatred, sadness, anxiety, panic; everything mingled together, froze him to the spot, clouded his mind. Suddenly, he was scared, couldn't breathe any more — didn't want to. He slowly reached for one of the long mirror shards, slid his fingertip over the sharp edge and watched the picture on its surface change as he pulled it closer.

"Mr St. James." Dmitrij's deep, soothing voice cut through his dark thoughts like a bolt of lightning.

Flinching, Ichiro shrieked, his head jerking sideways while he instinctively grabbed the next thing within reach. The Russian stood in the doorway, his expression full of concern. 

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?!" he screamed, pointing the pair of scissors at him like a weapon.

"I was worried after you have ended the call, and immediately came here as I realised that you had turned off your phone." Dmitrij's voice was low and calming. 

"I wanted to leave again when I saw the light upstairs since I thought you were safe and sound. But then, I heard you screaming, and something shattered." 

He wetted his lips, slightly frowning, probably pondering about how to continue, Ichiro thought. 

"I have not planned to use the spare key, Mr St. James. I have never used it before, but Claire insisted that I know its repository for emergency reasons — and this was one.

His gaze still locked with Ichiro's, Dmitrij took a small step. 

"Stay exactly where you are, Dmitrij." His voice trembled just as much as his body. Ichiro was scared, the panic attack inevitable. He stared at Dmitrij with wide eyes, felt cold sweat running down his back and realised that he still was naked. His anxiety piqued, and without thinking, he cut the scissors through the air, right in front of his counterpart. "Go away!"

Dmitrij knit his brows, holding up his hands. 

"Mr St. James, I am not here to hurt you. Please, give me the scissors and let me help you. You are losing a lot of blood. There is a deep cut on the back of your hand."

"I don't give a shit! Go away!" Ichiro's voice cracked anew, and fresh tears started to blur his vision again.

"I will not, and you will give me the scissors, or I am taking them by force," Dmitrij growled in a low voice, taking another step towards Ichiro.

"What's your fucking deal with the fucking scissors, dammit when the entire room is full of broken mirror fragments?!"

"I killed my father with a pair of scissors in a moment of panic and anxiety when I was twelve. I do not care about how or when I die, but I do not wish you to experience what I have gone through. I do not want you to carry another heavy burden, Ichiro. Please, give—" 

Ichiro tossed the scissors to the ground, sobbing. "Your— your life is ... a f-freaking horror story," he stuttered, not fighting against the warm and strong arms that quickly enveloped and pulled him to the floor. He felt like a lifeless puppet, void of anything but tears.

Dmitrij drew him close, pressed him firmly against his chest and let him cry. Neither saying a word nor judging him. There was nothing but concern in his eyes. Eyes that didn't wander about his naked body but stayed glued to his face. 

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=ichimentalbreakdownaoo3jai.jpg)

The running shower filled the bathroom with its calming patter, and the big, warm hands that pressed against Ichiro's naked torso, comforted him as well. Dmitrij's broad chest heaved deep and slow breaths, his heartbeat was calm and steady, felt soothing. 

Ichiro inhaled deeply. The Russian wore a cologne with a pleasant fragrance. It smelled like sandalwood, subtle enough to not cover his individual scent — he liked that. 

Dmitrij didn't move a muscle, just looked at him every now and then; not to stare but to check on him. Other than that, he just held him close and stayed quiet. No scolding, no words of hatred or spite — it almost felt unreal. This was the second time, Ichiro laid in his arms, naked and vulnerable, yet he wasn't scared. 

He felt safe.

"On the left, next to you," he croaked. "The ambulance box. It's is in the cabinet next to you."

Dmitrij smiled softly, involuntarily pulling him closer as he bent over to reach for the cabinet's door.

"Can you stand up, Mr St. James? I will help you. We have to clean your hand before I can bandage it. And you should dress, or you will catch a cold." Dmitrij's voice was so deep that his whole chest vibrated while he talked. It made Ichiro's torso tingle where they touched.

"I—don't know," he whispered feebly.

Dmitrij immediately lifted him up like a princess, grabbed a towel to cover the bleeding hand and carefully carried Ichiro to his room. 

After laying him down and enveloping him in blankets, Dmitrij stepped over to the wardrobe. 

"I hope you do not mind," he said in an apologetic tone while picking a shirt, pants and underwear from Ichiro's belongings.

Dmitrij helped him dress, cleaned his wounds and bandaged them, brushed his cut hair. Then, he went downstairs for a brief moment, came back with a dustpan and brush, screwdriver and a garbage bag, and started cleaning the bathroom. All while saying nothing the entire time.

After he finished, he sat down on the bed, next to Ichiro. His expression was blank as he fixed his gaze on him, watching him quietly for a while.

Wetting his lips, he sighed and averted his gaze. "You will tell your family that the mirror's mount was loose, which is why it came off and broke."

"Yeah, alright."

Dmitrij locked eyes with Ichiro again, his expression stern.

"And now, you will pack a few things and come with me."

Ichiro tilted his head, frowning. "Why would I?"

"Mr St. James, you either come with me, or I will bring you to a mental institution, simple as that. In any case, you will not stay here, alone, as you are a danger to yourself."

"I will not go to an asylum, Dmitrij!" he barked angrily at him, as he felt betrayed. 

However, Dmitrij stayed unimpressed and continued calmly.

"I thought as much, which is why I gave you the option to come with me. On the way home, we will stop at a  _ friend's  _ place — he can provide us with the medication you need for your depression and BPD since they are probably used up by now, I assume. Otherwise, your breakdown would not have been this severe."

Puzzled, Ichiro shook his head jerkily. "How do you know about that?"

Sighing, Dmitrij arched a brow. "Now, really. I have learning difficulties, but I am not stupid, Mr St. James. However, in the morning, we will go to my barber. He will fix your hair without asking questions."

"Why, am I not beautiful enough anymore?" Ichiro spat out, but Dmitrij only shook his head, slightly smiling.

"Mr St. James, you cannot get rid of your beauty by mutilating your body, as it is your inside that radiates it. However, your family will ask questions you do not wish to answer if we do not get your hair fixed."

Ichiro bit his lip, averting his gaze. "That... sounds plausible."

"Is there anyone, you trust enough to take my place from tomorrow evening on? You can stay in my apartment as long as needed, but I won't allow you to stay there all by yourself."

While shifting his gaze back on him, a new wave of panic welled up in Ichiro. "Why would you leave? Leave me?" His voice trembled, and his eyes became teary again.

Dmitrij sighed, his expression torn as he reached for Ichiro's hand just to pull back last minute.

"Because my flight to Russia goes at night. My family's funeral, Mr St. James; I will be out of town for a week or two." He swallowed and clenched his teeth. "We need someone taking care of you while I'm gone. At least, until you are stable enough to go back home."

Ichiro's throat constricted anew, his mind instantly filled with self-loathe. How could he forget about that? Dima still was grieving. The large wound at his side still healing. Yet, he was here with him, cared for him, although his own life was just as awful.

"I'm sorry, I—" he took a deep breath, averted his gaze, and tried focusing back on Dmitrij's question. There was only one person he trusted enough; one guy who he knew would handle the situation without judging him. "Darius."

Dmitrij nodded and stood up. "Tell me what you will need, and I pack your bag."

✵

About forty-five minutes later, Dmitrij stopped his Bentley in front of a white residence with an adjacent, small pharmacy in Toorak, Melbourne's poshest suburban. It was almost three o'clock and Ichiro sure that no one would open the door at this hour. However, the Russian assured that his  _ friend  _ already was informed and waited for their arrival. Sometimes, his mafia connections seemed to be useful for something good.

Dmitrij grabbed the empty pill containers and addressed Ichiro while leaving the car. "It will not take long, but please, lock the doors from the inside anyway."

Ichiro frowned. "Shouldn't  _ you  _ lock them from the outside? I'm mentally unstable and could run away."

"Yes, you are, but you are also smart, and I trust you, Mr St. James," he stated and closed the door with a small thud.

"This guy..." he sighed. "Trusting me, huh?" Ichiro bit his lip; his feelings and emotions were all over the place. The way Dmitrij was treating him pleased him immensely but irritated him nonetheless. Rubbing his face, he heaved a deep breath to suppress another outburst of tears. He felt pathetic and was embarrassed. The whisky's last effects had worn off, and a small part of his sanity had escaped his mental breakdown. Ichiro realised the full extent of his actions; what Dmitrij had witnessed. He started to feel nauseous again. Felt loathe and disgust for himself. Yet, Dmitrij still looked at him the same as before.

Ichiro tried his best to act normal; however, internally, he felt like a forest after a fire. Everything was dead and ravaged, void of life — that Dmitrij still treated him like a sane person meant the world to him.

He locked the doors, leaned back and closed his eyes.

✵

"When I am back from Russia, I will introduce you to my therapist. He is a good and capable man; you can trust him," Dmitrij said.

Under normal circumstances, Ichiro would tease him now for being a coldblooded mafioso that regularly visited a therapist, but now, he stayed silent. He pulled up the blanket to his nose and rolled around until his body was entirely wrapped in a cocoon of satin fabric. He inhaled deeply. Everything had Dmitrij's scent on it, and he would like to hate that it calmed him down, but he didn't. He couldn't hate him anymore, and if he was honest to himself for once, he never did. He was angry, hurt, and scared for a while, but he never hated. 

Brushing his cheek against the cool fabric, he snuggled deep into the pillow and closed his eyes. 

Exhaustion washed over him immediately. He heard Dmitrij's voice ringing over from the living room, but he already couldn't figure out what he said anymore, as he drifted into a numb sleep.

Dmitrij peeked around the corner and smiled as he saw that St. James was already asleep. Quietly walking over to the nightstand, he grabbed the young man's phone and clicked his tongue as he realised it still was turned off. Dmitrij started the device, entered a wrong PIN, but huffed in amusement after his second try — the screen unlocked with the year Tchaikovsky found the celesta. 

"You are so predictable, Mr St. James," he whispered while fondly glancing at the sleeping man.

Dmitrij didn't even need to open the contacts, as the man he wanted to reach out to had tried to call St. James multiple times. He tapped one of the missed calls and quietly left for the kitchen while the phone dialled.

_ "Frosty! Dear God! Are you alright?!" _ Darius practically shouted into the calling line, making Dmitrij grimace in response.

"You are a noisy man, Darius. Here is Dmitrij; Mr St. James is with me."

_ "Dima? Thank goodness, I was worried as fuck, man! Is he alright? Where are you? I'll come over!" _

"Mr St. James was in a rather critical condition, mentally-wise, but he is stable for now. I took him to my place, and he will stay here for now."

Darius was quiet for a while, then sighed.

_ "Did he... Dunno, uh... Has he done something?" _

"He has harmed himself, yes."

Dmitrij heard his conversation partner exhaling audibly. Then, it became silent. After a moment, Darius heaved a ragged breath and snuffled — Dmitrij assumed he was crying.

"Darius, I would like you to come to my place around noon, would that be alright for you?

_ "Of course!"  _ he instantly answered in a cracked voice. _ "But is it alright for Frosty?" _

"Naturally. Mr St. James was the one who said I shall contact you. However, please, keep everything about this matter to yourself for now. We will discuss everything else after you have arrived."

_ "Yeah, sure. Say, is— is Ichiro really alright?" _

"He received medical attention, is asleep now, and I will keep watching him. That is all I can say for now."

Darius hummed in response and cleared his throat.  _ "Save my number and send me yours, please. I never ever want to experience horror like this again." _

"Of course. I will send you my address via my number; that way, you can add all contact details right away."

_ "Thanks. And thank you for being Frosty's friend, Dima. I appreciate what you're doing for him." _ He sighed.  _ "I'm so fucking tired, I need to sleep. Dima, see you later and thank you so much for calling me." _

"You are welcome. Goodnight, Darius."

Dmitrij ended the call and stared at the now black screen. 

"You should have chosen this man over Gabriel, Mr St. James," he murmured, walked to the living room and placed the phone onto the small table, next to his armchair. Heaving a deep breath, he sat down and sunk deep into the leather. He felt worn out, as this month was nothing but a cluster of horrific events it was necessary to overcome. Rubbing his eyelids, he tilted back his head and sighed. 

St. James' shouting ripped him from a dreamless slumber. Still dazed, Dmitrij shot up from his seat and strode over to the bedroom. The young man sat in his bed, dimly illuminated by the candle's glimmer of light, terrified and teary-faced, wrapped in his blanket.

"A nightmare?" Dmitrij asked calmly.

St. James nodded while sinking down to the mattress, immediately curling up into a ball. As it seemed that he had fallen asleep again, Dmitrij walked back to the living room.

"Dmitrij?"

St. James' voice was a mere whisper, but he clearly called for him. Peeking around the corner once more, he eyed him with an arched brow.

"What can I do for you, Mr St. James?"

The young man stared at him, fumbling for words. "I... could you stay here? I don't want to be alone," he added in a whisper.

Dmitrij nodded. "Certainly. Just a moment; I will get a chair."

"No!"

Dmitrij tilted his head in confusion. "You should make up your mind, Mr St. James."

"That's not— I want you to stay  _ here _ ," his gaze briefly dropped to the bed.

Sighing, Dmitrij crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "Mr St. James, I think this is not your best idea. You are mentally unstable, emotionally vulnerable, and our relationship is already more than just questionable on  _ good  _ days."

"Do you think I don't know that?" St. James angrily hissed through his teeth. "I am very well aware, ok? But... Christ, don't make me beg for it!"

He started crying again. "I— I just... I feel so lonely, Dima," he whispered, breaking Dmitrij's heart.

He walked over to the bed, clenching his teeth while hesitantly laying down next to him and turned to the side. 

St. James trembled, his t-shirt was sweaty and stuck on his slender back. Seeing him like this reminded Dmitrij of the night in Tokyo. An overwhelming feeling of disgust overcame him, made him clench his teeth even harder. He didn't deserve laying next to him, yet he couldn't bring it over himself to reject his plea. 

Gingerly reaching out, he gently squeezed St. James' delicate shoulder once. "I am here, Mr St. James, and I stay here. Please, try to go back to sleep."

St. James heaved a laboured breath, nodded in response and wrapped himself into the blanket once more. 

After a few minutes, the room was quiet again, the young man's breathing even, and Dmitrij relieved. He thought he could finally allow himself to close his eyes, but St. James suddenly turned around, quietly staring at him. He was close, his warm breath caressing Dmitrij's face, their noses almost touching. Once more, he got sucked into the pool of emotions in St. James' eyes; got lost in their depth and melancholy. 

St James reached out to touch a strand of Dmitrij's hair, traced it with his fingertip before tucking it behind his ear. "You are my guardian demon, aren't you?" he whispered and briefly brushed their noses together. "You called me Ichiro before... I liked that." A gentle smile flitted across his exhausted features before he turned back around, shifting his position until their bodies formed a single silhouette.

Dmitrij swallowed, closed his eyes and lightly shook his head at the throbbing sensation in his stomach. Wetting his lips, he heaved a deep breath and grimaced at his own weakness, as he was unable to resist any longer. 

Internally cursing this bittersweet moment, he gently laid his arm around St. James' delicate middle, enveloping him in a tender embrace.

"Sleep well, Ichiro."


	30. New Lease on Life

Marlon nervously paced through the pavilion, flipping his spliff's stub into the bin's ashtray while glancing at his watch — almost nine o'clock. He slowly walked down to the sandy waterfront and watched the small ripples slowly but steadily washing away his footprints.

The day started grey and tranquil. The usually packed Albert Park was deserted since much of the city probably left their New Year's parties only at dawn and still was asleep. 

That Darius wanted to meet here and not at his home couldn't mean anything good; especially not early in the morning of a public holiday. 

Heaving a deep breath, Marlon rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the lake's black, mirror-like surface. Ducks and swans quietly glided across it, dipping their heads into the water every now and then, catching their breakfast. 

Breakfast — he didn't have any because Darius basically ringed him out of bed at half-past six, only leaving enough time to take a shower. They were together for so many years, yet his lover still forgot quite frequently that Marlon had to drive almost two hours to see him. Smiling melancholically, he realised that today probably was the last time this had happened. 

All those years, he had played a dangerous game, and his lover just accepted it — until Marlon got cocky and went overboard with his possessiveness and manipulation. Darius was furious. Said that he had reached his limit and that he wouldn't keep lumping it any more. This fight was the most severe they have ever had, but it still sounded like there was a chance to keep going. 

Now, Marlon wasn't sure about that anymore.

Footsteps approached, leisurely but not scuffing; he didn't have to turn around to know it was his lover. Wetting his lips, he inhaled deeply, stuffing his hands into his pockets to suppress the urge to touch Darius as soon as he would be within reach.

"Good mornin'," he said indifferently, but his voice cracked slightly. 

He earned nothing but a low grumble in response.

Darius came to a halt right next to him, crossed his arms over his chest and fixed his gaze at the lake as well. Marlon stole a glance at his handsome profile; he loved the freckles, straight bridge of his nose, the shape of his full lips, the chiselled jawline. But most of all, Marlon loved Darius' unique, grey eyes, which pierced your soul when they stared at you, and the bright and genuine smile that was so contagious. The way his right brow briefly twitched when he gave someone a smug grin. 

Physically, Darius was what Marlon considered perfect; however, it was nothing compared to his personality. His lover's insight into human nature and how quickly he always managed to adapt was astounding. Marlon never met someone as sharp, confident, reliable and altruistic as his boyfriend — until Ichiro St. James appeared on the scene. A man who unfortunately embodied everything that Darius always wanted; everything that Marlon wasn't. 

And although they didn't realise it, Marlon knew from the start that they were slowly falling for each other, as they were on the same wavelength, had much in common and shared the same interests. 

Opposites attract, yes, but birds of a feather flock together.

He hated that, as he didn't want to share Darius; wanted to be his one and only. 

Polyamory and open relationships were concepts he genuinely believed in, but he wanted them for himself and not for Darius. Marlon always smoothly fought off his lover's rare attempts to have casual sex with someone else. However, Ichiro's case was different since he and Darius naturally grew into a genuine friendship; the perfect base for developing deep-rooting feelings.

Marlon was about to be eaten up with jealousy, tried to belittle Ichiro's personality and foiled their meetings until Darius considered taking Fernanda's offer once more. Then, Marlon panicked, as nothing was as terrifying than losing sight of his lover and control over him for four years. Darius could realise that he was far better off without him, as Marlon already desperately had to watch how his lover's feelings for him faded. 

Suddenly, sharing seemed like the only option to keep him, and he started encouraging it — completely in vain.

Darius exhaled audibly, poking his tongue against his cheek.

"It took you almost five years to make me fall for you. I really couldn't stand you because you were an obnoxious guy; still are. 

"I'm still wondering how you even managed to come close enough to become my friend. However, you did it, coaxed me into a relationship eventually. But even though it took you so long to get me, even though you knew my feelings for you were flimsy, you never considered changing your attitude. Not even a little; in almost five years of relationship. That's something that I'll probably never understand. Ten years, Marlon. You've had ten fucking years, and I gave you several chances to work on yourself, but what did you do instead? You chose the easy way and kept manipulating me and everyone around us for your benefits. Even used your health issues to keep me next to you because you knew my weak points. And because I'm a kind-hearted fucktard, I let everything slide; ignored my mom's pleas, and almost dumped the best chance of a rosy future I could get."

He heaved a deep breath, turned to Marlon and eyed him with furrowed brows.

"You really thought Ichiro would keep me here, right? Of course, you did, and I tell you something; you've almost had me. I think I would've stayed if your plan of pushing them into an open relationship would have been successful."

"And I still don't understand why ya wanna go now anyway." Marlon glanced back at the lake. "Vampy is free now, ain't he? Stay with me, stay with him, pursue your swimming career, and everyone's happy."

"What the— Wooow..." Darius closed his eyes, crossed his hands beneath his head and turned away to take a deep breath. Marlon's attitude, so entirely void of empathy, was always hard to stomach for him; but now? It made him angry, as he had reached a point where he couldn't overlook it any more. Gritting his teeth, he internally counted to ten to calm himself down before he addressed him anew.

"What a take. Everyone's happy? Wanna tell me you're this thick-headed?" Turning back around, he glared at Marlon. "Why do you keep ignoring my needs and wishes as soon as they're not aligning with yours? How selfish can one single person be? Frosty bein' single doesn't change anything but is even more of a reason to go." 

Darius clicked his tongue, wiping his bottom lids with his thumb's and index finger's pads as his eyes became watery. 

_ 'He harmed himself, yes.'  _ Once more, Dmitrij's voice vividly rang through his head, causing a lump to form in his throat. Without Marlon's intervention, nothing would have happened, and Ichiro still would be alright. Now, his friend needed professional help to recover and a fresh start — and preferably without those around him who reminded him of what broke him. Darius swallowed and heaved a ragged breath. He felt nauseous and just wanted to go seeing him. 

"What, cryin' again? Man, you're always so melodramatic," Marlon stated emotionless. Lighting a spliff, he fixed his gaze on Darius, knowing that he acted unfairly yet he couldn't help it. Whenever he was hurt, he hurt his lover just as much because seeing Darius suffer alongside always made him feel less miserable. 

"For basically being a fucking therapist, you sure have a shitload of issues. Get help; seriously." Darius glared at him, his teeth clenched.

He had to get over with this, as he was stalling it for far too long already. Looking at the man who had been at his side for the past ten years, five of them as his boyfriend, Darius felt nothing for the first time. 

It had taken him long to learn to love Marlon; had been hard work to keep loving him. Five years, he had cut back on everything, swallowed all the sweet talk, was a real pushover and gave in over and over again. Who knows for how long he would have kept doing it if he wouldn't have met someone special? 

Developing genuine feelings for Ichiro happened so naturally that Darius didn't even apprehend it at first. However, it became more prominent whenever he spent time with Marlon after meeting his friend. Realising that not a single moment in those five years ever made him feel like when he was with Ichiro was like a wake-up call. After that, his heart started hiding in the shadows, and his mind finally took over again. At first, Darius was shocked how easily he fell out of love with Marlon; however, in the end, it was nothing but liberating as it was long overdue.

Fishing a hair tie from his pocket, Darius bundled up his black locks and tied them at the back of his head while addressing Marlon.

"Listen... You've slowly but steadily ruined our relationship — well, actually, it was unhealthy from the start. I just was too young to understand it. You wanted me, observed me, studied my behaviour, and then, you took advantage of me after knowing my weak spots. You knew that I would put up with your toxicity as long as your reason for acting like a selfish cunt was plausible enough. And what's better than a fucked up family and a critical health condition, huh? Yeah, you knew exactly which buttons you had to push, but now, you've ruined so much more than me. You dragged my friends into it, bit off far more than you can chew, and this time, you're not getting away with it."

Marlon huffed a laugh. "You're threatenin' me? Sweet." The smug grin still on his features, he watched Darius quietly for a brief moment. "Say, have I ever mistreated ya?"

"Are you fucking serious? Jesus Christ," Darius muttered while staring into the grey sky before fixing his gaze back on Marlon. "Physically? No. Although talking me into the bottom role was pretty sketchy and selfish, but that's just your nature, isn't it?" 

He winked and grinned mockingly at him before he continued. 

"You're pretty good in mental abuse, though. And the actual worst part about it is how you've managed to convince me you'd be genuine with my friends, at least. I really thought you finally were interested in getting to know them. That you genuinely wanted to befriend them."

Sighing, Marlon crossed his arms. "I  _ am  _ genuinely interested in them. I like Gabe and Vampy; they're good guys."

"Oh, really?" Darius scoffed. "I was happy when you tried helping them solving their problems, you know? But you used them. You fucker took advantage of a struggling couple for your own cause. 

"Gabe and Frosty trusted you, sought you out for advice, and you pushed them into a breakup instead of helping them going through that difficult phase. And for what? So you could keep fucking your  _ tiger,  _ and to make me stay in Melbourne because of Frosty."

Marlon knit his brows and shrugged his shoulders. "I told ya, I'm not cuttin' back anymore." He gazed at the lake again, shaking his head in incomprehension over Darius' rage.

Marlon's father bossed him around for so many years, made his life difficult and sometimes almost unbearable; didn't he deserve to be happy now? Shouldn't it be alright to be a little bit selfish along the way to live a comfortable life? Marlon wanted nothing but his peace and quiet, and sometimes, small sacrifices were needed to keep it; that was just how life worked.

"I told you from the start that my wellbeing comes first," he stated, glancing back at his lover.

Darius rolled his eyes in response, exhaling audibly. "And you ain't realising how selfish that is, or do you simply give a shit about how much it hurts those you pretend to cherish?"

"I'm not pretending," Marlon cut him off in a harsh tone while glaring at him.

"Mate, your way of showing affection is self-centred, sick and twisted, get that in your head!" Darius shouted at him, his expression full of rage.

"I'm sure those two could've overcome their problems with your genuine help, Mr  _ Master of Psychology _ . But they broke up, believing it was their own decision. And yesterday, Frosty had to see how the man he loves got his cock sucked by a fuckboy. He had a mental breakdown and harmed himself, Marlon. That's the end result of your little mind game, congratulations!" he spat out and turned away, sick of staring at his counterpart's blank expression.

Marlon's breath hitched. Pressing his lips together, he swallowed slowly, his features gradually shifting into a grimace of pure terror while comprehending Darius' words. He was a selfish man, yes, but he never wanted to cause serious harm.

"Ichiro—harmed himself? Is he okay?"

"Of course, he's  _ not  _ okay, for fuck's sake!" Darius screamed into his face, inhaling deeply through his open mouth to vent his anger in curses. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his face and turned around, but addressed Marlon once more. "You either tell 'em what you did, apologise and hope for a second chance, or watch me snitch and ruin the only friendships you have; your choice. In any case, we'll part ways here. I'm done with ya."

"Hun, wait—" panicking, Marlon reached out to grab Darius' arm, but his hand got swatted away instantly. 

"Stop calling me that and don't dare to touch me again. I'm not your property anymore, Marlon."

"Yeah, sure, 'cause, you're Vampy's now, eh?" His words coated in venom, Marlon started tearing up as he saw his hopes dashed. 

This wasn't a dreadful  _ 'what-if?' _ scenario anymore but happened in reality because he had played for high stakes and lost. While realising that, Marlon's stomach turned, his breathing increased, and his heart started hammering violently in his chest. Having Darius at his side was a matter of course, and imagining a life without him inconceivable, as he had no one but him. 

Clenching his teeth, Marlon watched Darius shaking his head.

"Now really, don't be ridiculous! As if Frosty would ever demand that! Whatever, that's got shit all to do with you. We're done." 

A tremor of fear ran down Marlon's spine; the upwelling wave of panic felt like a nightmarish rollercoaster ride, draining all warmth from his body. It numbed him, clouded his senses, and made his world spin. He couldn't move, couldn't say anything, and just blankly stared at the man he loved.

Darius averted his gaze and started walking. "Maybe we can become friends again at some point because, unfortunately, throwing away ten years ain't that easy for me. However, you better leave me be as long as I'm in Canberra, or I'll see to it that our ways never cross again. Use the time to reflect on yourself."

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=marlondariusao37ak9a.jpg)

Choking, Marlon clenched his hand until his knuckles turned white and firmly pressed his fist against his lips. Barely able to maintain his composure, he gazed at the lake, watching how the ducks and swans became blurry while his heart broke into pieces.


	31. Promises

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=screenshotch32ao3xqjzz.jpg)

✵✵✵

Dmitrij frowned when Darius appeared on top of the staircase, as he looked incredibly exhausted and worn-out. Nonetheless, the young man immediately smiled kindly at him as they locked eyes. 

"Happy New Year, mate."

"Happy New Year, Darius," Dmitrij countered, genuinely reciprocating the smile.

He couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but he liked St. James' friend from the start. His whole demeanour felt genuine, his kindness and altruism natural. Knowing Darius at Ichiro's side reassured him that the vulnerable young man would be alright while Dmitrij travelled to Russia.

Placing his index finger onto his lips, Dmitrij ushered him inside. "Mr St. James is fast asleep," he whispered, leading Darius to the living room, where he gestured to one of the armchairs. 

However, Darius shook his head, examining everything with shining eyes.

"Mate, your furnishing style is top-notch. Looks almost like my home. Dad is an antique dealer, specialised in books and Victoriana. You'd probably talk with him about all these things for hours," he said in a soft tone while trying to stifle a yawn.

Smiling, Dmitrij replied in a low voice. "Ah, so  _ Nowak Antiques _ is your family's business, what a pleasant coincidence. Although it is quite embarrassing that I did not make the connection earlier, as I visit the shop rather frequently."

Darius crossed his arms, fixing his sharp gaze on Dmitrij. "Ah, yeah, most people assume that a white man has white kids, right?" he retorted in a snippy tone, highlighting it with a wink.

Dmitrij lightly shook his head, and the smile on his lips instantly became disarming. That Darius felt the need to lash out this quickly only showed that he often had to deal with racial microaggressions. 

"Excuse my poor phrasing, Darius. Neither am I racist, nor quick at making assumptions. I simply did not know that Marek has children, to begin with, as we never talk about personal matters."

Sighing, Darius closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry, mate. I'm kinda galled today." He locked eyes with Dmitrij again. "Where's Frosty, can I see him?"

"Naturally," Dmitrij answered, pointing at the archway at the room's corner.

Striding over to the passage, Darius leaned against the wall, his eyes immediately darting to the bed, where Ichiro was sound asleep. His friend was curled up in a pool of chocolate-brown satin fabric, his angelic features relaxed, but he looked as tired as Darius felt. 

That he still didn't know what exactly happened at night drove him crazy, filled his mind with way too many possible scenarios, one more horrible than the other. Noticing the bandaged hand and the band-aid on Ichiro's cheek, Darius felt a pang in his chest and the urge to hug him tightly. Somehow, his friend looked different, almost fragile and younger. While knitting his brows, Darius' gaze once more wandered about his features, and a look of surprise crossed his face. It took him a second to realise that Ichiro's hair was cut short. Tilting his head quizzically, he turned to Dima and pointed at his own hair. The Russian tipped his head to the side, gestured to the hallway and beckoned Darius to follow him.

"We should talk here, so we will not risk waking him up," Dmitrij stated while entering the elegantly furnished kitchen. He signalled Darius to take a seat and pulled two cups from a dark, wooden vintage shelf. "Would you like me to brew you a coffee, Darius? You look exhausted."

"That would be great, yeah," he breathed while slumping into the padded chair. "And meanwhile, you could fill me in with some details. I really am on edge since Frosty has had left the party."

"Mhm..." Dmitrij reached for the coffee grinder and added a measured amount of roasted beans. "Mr St. James' hair is short, as he had cut it last night, and after getting him properly patched up in the hospital in the morning, I brought him to my barber, to get it fixed. 

"Anyway, the odyssey started with him calling me at midnight, where I thought he wanted to wish me a happy new year. However, I immediately noticed that he was drunk as he didn't even know what time it was, although he tried to cover it up. He said he wanted to meet, then suddenly wished me a good life, ended the call, and turned off his phone."

"Fuck," Darius muttered, rubbing his cheek." I've tried calling him several times after hearing that he'd left, and immediately went to his place but he wasn't there. Guess, he must've wandered through town for a while."

Filling the coffee powder into the French Press, Dmitrij hummed in agreement and continued.

"When I arrived, the lights in his bathroom were on, so I wanted to head back right away; until I have heard something shatter, followed by Mr St. James' screaming. Mrs Gainsborough told me the spare key's deposition, so I went in to check on him. He had cut off his hair and hit the mirror with his bare hand until it had shattered. Ichiro was bleeding, crying, threatened me with a pair of scissors," he turned around, placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of Darius and sat down.

"Man..." Darius sighed while dropping three sugar cubes into his hot beverage. "That was freaking dangerous for both of you. How could you convince him to calm down?"

"Reasoning with him was futile, so I told him that I killed my father with a pair of scissors. That threw him off and granted me enough time to secure him."

Choking on his coffee, Darius coughed a few times while eyeing his counterpart with a deep frown.

"Jesus fuck, mate — wasn't that kind of a too stark white lie?"

Dmitrij smirked wearily. "It was no lie." Taking a sip, he looked over his cup's brim and fixed his blank gaze on Darius, waiting for him to proceed the information.

The young man's frown deepened as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Mate, are you kidding me? This isn't funny, you know? Care to explain?"

"I am not joking. I was twelve years old, my father was beating my mother and my sister yet again; my mother already on the ground, motionless." Dmitrij heaved a breath and wetted his lips.

"And when he came for me, I blindly grabbed the next object within reach, which was a pair of scissors that eventually landed in his throat during a chaotic melee. I accidentally killed him in self-defence, which left all of us traumatised."

Mouth agape, Darius stared at him, slowly inclining his head while his brows raised in sheer disbelieve.

"Mate... That's—"

"Well, yes." Dmitrij cut him off and took another sip from his coffee. "Since I have explained it, we should shift our conversation back to Mr St. James, I think."

"Yeah, after you gave me a moment to stomach that. Christ..."

Darius clasped his neck with both hands and stared at the ceiling. Of course, he was aware that far more disturbing things happened every day, filling every country's news. However, hearing something like this in person, as it actually had happened to someone he knew was unsettling. On the other hand, it was nothing compared to how Dmitrij must feel about it. He glanced back at the Russian, whose inscrutable amber eyes immediately locked with his again.

"You're an enigmatic man, Dima. Anyway, I appreciate your trust; I guess talking about it ain't easy." He took a deep breath. "Man..."

"I apologise for disturbing you, but I merely answered your questions."

"Yeah, I know." Darius huffed in amusement. "Guess, I shouldn't ask questions when I'm not prepared for the possible answer, huh?"

Dmitrij said nothing but smiled lightly, mildly bowed his head in agreement and blinked slowly before sipping his coffee.

There was this intimidating aura again, Darius found so fascinating. And then, he remembered something. Knitting his brows, he downed the rest of his coffee in one go and addressed Dmitrij anew.

"Say ... why did he call you and even stayed here; at the place of a guy he, apparently, dislikes and barely knows?" He leaned forward, squinting. "That sounds kinda off to me, you know? So, why don't you help me along, hm?"

While dropping his gaze onto the table, Dmitrij's smile widened. He gently pushed his cup to the side, folding his hands on the polished, wooden tabletop before he locked eyes with Darius again. "Because Mr St. James and I have a rather complicated relationship. Before I moved to Melbourne last year, I lived in Tokyo, and still visit the city from time to time. I have met Mr St. James this summer already, as I—"

"Dima visited the bar I worked at to get to know me since he already had heard a lot about me from my family. We've ended up spending the night together," Ichiro cut him off while entering the kitchen. He gave Dmitrij a meaningful look and shifted his gaze to Darius.

"A one-off for him that left me hurt, and running into him when I finally moved here was kind of fucked up. However, we've sorted things out and are cool now." Glancing back at Dmitrij, Ichiro smiled lightly.

For the first time, the Russian couldn't recognise any hint of mockery or resentment on St. James' features. The genuine smile and the fact that he didn't use the chance to tell the whole truth threw Dmitrij's mind into a confused state and left him troubled, as he didn't expect it. Frowning, he averted his gaze and stared into his black, hot beverage.

Even though Ichiro decided to not tell his friend what exactly had happened, he refrained from telling a single lie. That probably was the most vital point for him, considering that St. James was an honest and straightforward person. And since he obviously wanted to keep quiet about it, Dmitrij would respect St. James' wish and play along but trying to seek talks with him over the matter on a later date.

"I had a hunch that something might have happened between you two, but sex wasn't what I expected. Tall and blonde; you sure have a type," Darius murmured in an undertone of displeasure.

While he carried his confusion over St. James' behaviour off well, Dmitrij shifted his attention to his guests. 

Darius just got up from his seat to pull Ichiro into a tight hug. 

"Anyway, what's more important; are you okay, Frosty?" he asked in a low voice and pressed a brief kiss on top of St. James head, who nodded in response. "More or less, yeah. Dima took good care of me." Closing his eyes, he nuzzled against Darius' chest, inhaled deeply and smiled.

Their sudden change in body language made Dmitrij arch a brow in surprise. The way they touched each other was very intimate and more tender and loving than anything he had ever witnessed happening between St. James and Gabriel. 

Dmitrij kept watching them quietly; how they only reluctantly parted, deeply gazing into each other's half-lidded eyes, drowning in pools of affection and longing. Close enough to share a kiss, the tip of Darius' tongue slowly glided over the corner of his upper lip as his gaze dropped to St. James' mouth. The air around them became almost palpably sensual, and it seemed as if they had forgotten about Dmitrij's presence. He couldn't pinpoint why, but the sight aroused him, hypnotised him, and he caught himself getting excited over the possibility to watch them sharing a passionate kiss. 

Discovering this voyeuristic part of his personality caused further mayhem in Dmitrij's mind, made him slightly uncomfortable. Suddenly, everything that had happened lately became overwhelmingly crushing. The death of his family had already caused enough trouble; with the Bratva as well as emotionally. Dmitrij still tried to process everything — but with St. James' issues on top, it slowly moulded into something that became difficult for him to handle. A wave of exhaustion overcame him once more, and he decided to move his guests to leave. He needed time to himself before heading to the airport, as he had to be calm and composed for his travel to Russia.

While tracing the cup's brim with his fingertip, he shifted his weight, crossed his legs beneath the table and softly cleared his throat, breaking the sensuous spell between the two men.

"Mr St. James, we should discuss how you want to proceed. I briefly told Darius what happened last night; everything else, you should do in person, as I do not wish to interfere further."

Heaving a breath, Ichiro nodded, pulled back a chair and addressed Darius, who sat down next to him. "Say, would it be possible to stay at your place until the evening? Today's the New Year's dinner, but I don't think I can manage to go home before, and I don't want to stay here. Dima has enough on his own plate," he said with a genuine undertone of commiseration while briefly glancing at Dmitrij."

Darius cleared his throat, and, slightly grimacing, started kneading his hands. "Well, um... The thing is... I might have told my parents already that you'll stay with me for a few days, and they might be pretty excited about it; especially my mum. I told them what happened at the party but not what you did after. So, they think it's because of Gabe and Marcus bein' complete fucktards." He ducked his head, glanced at Ichiro, and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I'm always as honest as possible with my parents. They're good people and deserve nothing less."

St. James blushed fiercely in response and quickly stared at the tabletop. "I— That's... You're amazing, thank you. I'll call dad then, and I," he sighed. "I'll put him on speaker and try not to hide too much from him for a change." 

Flustered, he clumsily fished his phone from his pocket and started dialling while Darius watched him with a tender expression.

To his surprise, Dmitrij found the scene rather heartwarming and barely could hide his smirk. Reaching for his coffee, he leaned back and watched St. James making the call.

_ "Ichi, finally — are you alright? Your sister told me what happened at the party and that you're probably with Darius." _

"Hey, dad. Yeah, I'm okay but wasn't with Darius. I called Dima last night as I didn't feel well. He came picking me up and took care of me while I stayed at his place. I'm still here, and Darius is here now as well."

Richard exhaled audibly.

_ "I'm glad to hear that. Tell Dima that I'm very grateful for his help. He's a good man." _

Dmitrij clenched his teeth in discomfort, averted his gaze and sipped his coffee.

"Yeah... I'll let him know. Dad, listen..." Ichiro heaved a quick breath. "The issue with Gabriel yesterday — that hurt me a lot, and I actually feel like shit. Do you think it would be okay if I don't come home today? I know, the dinner, but—"

_ "Ichi, of course, you're not coming come home if it makes you uncomfortable. Claire invited Gabe and his roommate as well on Christmas Eve; before your breakup. We already thought about cancelling their invitation if that would be better for you. However, since we'll have far more guests, I assumed you'd want to avoid the whole event anyway." _

Pressing his lips together, Ichiro made a winning gesture.

"Yes! God, yes, please. Can I? I don't want you to cancel Gabriel's invitation, and especially not Raphael's. He's a sympathetic guy and could need the warmth of a loving family. So, please, let them attend, and spare me instead."

Richard's warm laughter ended with a sigh.  _ "Of course, I'll spare my precious son from my dear wife's horribly annoying social gatherings. What will you do instead?" _

"Well, since Dima leaves for Russia tonight, I'd like to stay with Darius for a while."

_ "Darius, huh? Great boy. I liked him from the start. Did you know that I was the one who invited him for tonight?" _ he stated proudly.  _ "Well, he obviously won't come now, of course. What a pity..." _ Richard paused for a brief moment, then cleared his throat.  _ "Say, is he also interested in men?" _

Ichiro grimaced in confusion. "Err, yes. Why?"

_ "Oh, uh... No particular reason."  _ He cleared his throat anew. _ "Have I mentioned that I'm very disappointed in Gabe? That he'd treat my son so poorly..." _ he muttered.  _ "Anyway, that brat can be happy that I always do what's best for you and since you want me to be nice—" _

"Oh, wait," Ichiro cut him off, frowning. "I said you shouldn't cancel his invitation, not that you have to act nicely around him."

Grinning, Darius bit his lip and glanced at Dmitrij, who wore a rather pleased expression.

Richard laughed anew and heaved a deep breath.

_ "That's my boy. It's one thing to break up with you, but his recent behaviour is beneath contempt, and I'll make sure to let him know. Besides... The scrawny Keller boy? He probably needed both arms to lift Gabe's junk." _

"DAD!"

Ichiro shook his head and shielded his eyes in embarrassment, while Darius was quickly pressing a hand against his mouth to stifle his laughter.

_ "What? Let me be spiteful, Ichi because I'm beyond pissed. Gabe is like a son to me — that he acts like this really makes me angry. Anyway, Claire needs a helping hand, I better not make her wait. You'll be alright, boy?" _

Smiling, Ichiro nodded while glancing at Darius. "Yes, I'll be fine."

_ "Alright. Please, give Darius and his family my regards and thanks for taking care of you. Do whatever you need to feel better. Wait, no, don't do drugs." _

"Christ — dad, I've never touched—"

_ "I know, I know! Anyway! As soon as you feel stable enough to come home, I'll take over and pamper you; no backtalk allowed." _ He continued in a tender voice.  _ "I love you, Ichi. And I would be chuffed about you telling me everything you've left out on purpose as to not worry me; alright? I said, we two will go through thick and thin from now on, and that wasn't only a mere promise but a threat," _ he laughed.

Ichiro blushed fiercely and rubbed his face. "I— Yeah, I'm sorry. I will; I promise, I'll tell you everything. I love you too, dad."

_ "I appreciate that you choose opening up to me — makes me very happy. Take care, Ichiro. See you soon." _

Ichiro ended the call and placed his phone onto the table while trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I'm super stoked that we can spend some quality time together, Frosty. We can play games, watch movies, sleep all day and eat tons of food —that'll be good for you. By the way, your dad is absolutely awesome, mate," Darius stated in a low voice, gently smiling at his friend.

Gazing at him, Ichiro reciprocated the smile and nodded. "Yes, he is. I love him so much. I thought it was a mistake to move here, but my family is amazing, and my dad is the best dad ever," his voice cracked. "And you are here," looking across the table, Ichiro locked eyes with Dmitrij. "And Dima," he whispered while his eyes slowly filled with tears.

He already noticed earlier that the tranquilliser's effects slowly started to fade. Now, his mind was back in its unstable state, made him struggle again as he felt the void thirsting for the small piece of sanity he was able to retain last night. Shadows that were lurking in the dark before now flitted through his head, furiously attacking and altering his thoughts. Keeping his composure became impossible. It crumbled away beneath him like the debris and loose ground of a cliff; made him lose the fight against his overwhelming emotions. A wave of anxiety pushed through his body and sent cold sweat down his spine. It constricted his throat, blurred his vision while threatening to drive him off the abyss that led into the void. But before the menacing shadows could swallow him, Darius pulled him into a hug, just in time to hide his spilling tears.

"I'm here, my friend, and I'm not going anywhere but make sure to keep you safe, okay?" Darius whispered into his ear while gently stroking his back. "When you feel good enough to leave, we'll drive home, and from then on, I'll spoil my favourite little gremlin day in and day out." 

"Don't feed me after midnight," Ichiro stammered between sniffles and hiccups, eliciting a soft laugh from his friend.

Darius pressed a featherlight kiss onto Ichiro's cheek, gently held him against his body, and quietly let him weep. 

After a while, Ichiro turned his head to Dmitrij, who immediately smiled tenderly at him. He was still overwhelmed by their relationship's development, as it was based on something hideous and reprehensible. However, what Dmitrij had done for him since then; what he did last night — how could he brush that away? Wouldn't these actions have to weigh heavier than what he did one night in summer? Was it wrong that Ichiro wanted to forgive him? 

Bad people don't deserve a second chance, but the more time he spent with Dima, the less bad he appeared. Misguided, yes, and inexperienced with genuine social interaction, clumsy with showing affection; those were the things Ichiro could observe. But he tried. Lately, Dmitrij started trying, even with Ichiro's family, and also here with Darius. He opened up and delicately attempted to genuinely bond with those around him. 

Was that a bad man's doing? A scheme? Was he playing an act to pounce on Ichiro once more as soon as he felt safe around him? 

But he could have taken advantage of him last night. They shared a bed, cuddled even, as Ichiro basically left him no choice. 

And Dmitrij did nothing. 

Wasn't that proof enough that he simply was someone who didn't know it better his whole life? Someone who deserved a second chance?

No one could give him an answer to this question, as it was on no one but himself to decide if Dmitrij was worth it.

While nuzzling deeper against Darius' chest, Ichiro reached across the table and stretched his fingers towards Dima.

Puzzled, the Russian tilted his head, hesitantly grasped his hand to squeeze it and then quickly got up from his chair, obviously embarrassed and overwhelmed. 

"I will bring you another tranquiliser and pack your belongings afterwards. Oh, and I will also add two bottles of eleuthero tincture."

Ichiro nodded, wiping his nose with his hand. "Thank you, Dima." 

St. James kept gazing at him, with his big and teary puppy eyes that made it hard for Dmitrij to focus, as he always got lost in them. He loved their depth, their expressiveness and their many shades of blue so much. How uniquely they sparkled and changed their tones, depending on Ichiro's mood, and whether they were caressed by sunlight or glazed in tears. A kaleidoscope of artistic shapes and vivid colours, blended together to create these mesmerising oceans of emotions with waves strong enough to pull you in and make you drown. 

He envied Darius, as he was the one who could hold and comfort St. James right now. Could stare into these blue pieces of art for as long as he wished while caressing his face, or even kissing him. 

Dmitrij swallowed and averted his gaze as he felt guilty for having these thoughts. Yet, he couldn't help it; he was attracted to St. James, and his feelings something his mind couldn't control.

Last night, when St. James coaxed him into physical contact, and Dmitrij dared to lay his arm around him, Ichiro had grabbed his hand. He had entwined their fingers and stroke Dmitrij's hand with his thumb until he had fallen asleep. It was the most intimate experience he had ever made, and it was the last bit his heart needed to turn the mere affection, he felt for st. James, into something much more profound. 

Since Dmitrij wasn't able to cope with the current development, he was glad that he had to leave the country for a while. He needed to take a step back, to clear his head and to think about further steps. Since there was no chance of a joint future, he had to make sure that he did his best to ease St. James' life at least. 

Wetting his lips, he took a deep breath.

"As I said before, as soon as I am back in Melbourne, we will visit my therapist. Please, keep someone reliable around you until then, or I will be worried the entire time," he whispered the last words while turning away. 

Smiling defeatedly, he left the kitchen, his features turning into a strained grimace over the realisation of what St. James had turned him into. 

To suppress his feelings in the process of helping him sure would be the hardest part.

✵

About half an hour later, Dmitrij saw his guests off. Darius thanked him anew for his trust, help and support and left first, as he wanted to store away Ichiro's luggage. Dmitrij knew he did that out of consideration, so he and St. James could say goodbye in private — he really liked him.

Leaning against the doorframe, he watched Ichiro, who stared at the ground. His short hair covered his eyes, and its many strands of different lengths glistened brightly in the sunlight that fell through the stairwell's window's shutter.

As he wanted to say something, St. James suddenly looked up and locked eyes with him. Taking a step forward, he started gnawing on his lip, obviously pondering what to say, and Dmitrij decided to stay quiet and wait for St. James to express himself.

He kept averting his gaze several times and then let out an irritated sigh.

"I want to say so many things, but my mind is blank, I'm sorry."

"There is no need for that. You are heavily sedated, under the influence of pain killers and your regular medication. It actually is astounding that you manage to walk and formulate coherent speech. I am, once more, impressed by your mental strength."

Ichiro blushed immediately and clicked his tongue. "You weirdo always find a way to flatter me, don't you?"

Dmitrij laughed a deep and rich laugh, cocked his head, and gazed fondly at St. James who stared at him through wide eyes, mouth agape.

"Hm? What is it?" he asked softly, unsure of what action of his elicited this surprising response.

Frowning, St. James clenched his teeth and kept staring at him in disbelief, and Dmitrij arched a brow in puzzlement.

"Was I too rash with my praise? Is the heavy medication knocking you out after all?"

"I—no." St. James cleared his throat and blushed fiercely. "You just laughed."

"Why, yes. That happens; occasionally," Dmitrij replied in an amused tone while gazing intensely at him.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dimapromiseao334j2e.jpg)

"Yeah, but... That never happened before, you know? I saw you smile, smirk, simper," he averted his gaze again. "But I never heard you laugh." The blush on his cheeks spread out and started tinging his nose, throat and ears in vivid pink. "It's beautiful. S-suits you, somehow."

Seeing him so flustered made it hard for Dmitrij to suppress another laughter, as the sight simply was too adorable. But St. James was right. His life rarely offered opportunities for him to laugh. His polite smile basically was part of his job, and the last time he shared a genuine laugh with someone was at his sister's wedding in October. No wonder, St. James was so confused about it. 

He smiled at him and lightly bowed his head.

"Thank you, Mr St. James; I will make sure to laugh more often with you."

Ichiro frowned at him, looked hurt.

"Say, why are you calling me by my surname again when I just told you last night how much I like hearing you calling me Ichiro?" Crossing his arms, he bit his lip in frustration, his gaze darting all over the place.

Dmitrij smiled lightly, reached out and gently grabbed his shoulder to pull him closer. He bent down until their eyes met and addressed him in a comforting and reassuring tone. "Because it is not easy to get rid of this habit. However, I would like to keep calling you by your surname when we are in the company of your family or friends. But I would love calling you by your name when we are alone. Does that sound good to you, Ichiro?"

Dmitrij's gaze dropped to St. James chest, which started raising and lowering in rapid breaths. "Are you alright? Do you need to sit down for a moment?"

Instead of an answer, Ichiro came a little closer, eyelids fluttering while brushing their lips together in a delicate kiss. A pleasant quiver ran through Dmitrij's body, and he dared to cup Ichiro's cheek while capturing his lips in another, deeper kiss, which he immediately reciprocated. Ichiro sighed softly as the tips of their tongues briefly came together, aroused Dmitrij's passion with his sweet voice. The sensations that started flooding his body coaxed him to do more, but instead, Dmitrij let go of St. James, gently brushed his thumb across his cheek and smiled.

"This is a dangerous game, Ichiro, and I do not wish to play it, as you are very vulnerable right now."

Understanding flitted through St. James' eyes as he curtly nodded in response. He smiled briefly, averted his gaze and licked across his lips.

"This polite and perfect behaviour of yours is exactly why this is happening, although it shouldn't," he whispered, heaving a slow and deep breath before turning away. "Have a safe trip, Dima. Promise to call me when you're back."

"I— Yes, naturally." 

Now it was Dmitrij, who was left flustered over this bizarre moment.

He watched how Ichiro quickly strode over to the staircase, not looking back as he went down the steps. 

Dmitrij swallowed several times, a deep frown on his features as he went back into his apartment. Leaning against the closed door, he huffed a laugh and shook his head, ridiculing himself for the flicker of hope that started budding in his mind.


	32. Remember Me

_January 3rd, 2020_

_I took a shower and a nap, but now it's getting a little difficult being by myself. I'm so glad that I took you with me because writing will distract me for a while; otherwise, I would have trouble dealing with my anxiety right now._

_It's Friday evening, and I'm still with the Nowaks, but all by myself for about two hours by now. Darius left to drop off Daryl at my place because he stays overnight for the first time — I bet Rayne is super nervous. Anyway, afterwards, he wanted to pick up his mum from the barbershop to do the grocery shopping together. And I think Marek said something about having to do his shop's inventory. Well, Darius and Kiana should be back soon, I guess — I'll just keep writing until then._

_Today is actually the first day that I'm fully functioning because I basically did nothing else but sleep and eat since Wednesday afternoon. While I lowkey impersonated Sleeping Beauty, Darius listened to my radio interview, and asked about my depression and BPD afterwards; I told him everything. Even about mum, and my suicide attempt in summer, and also explained how critical the New Year's night actually was. Of course, he was shocked; shed tears, even, and hugged me for the remaining time I was talking. He was understanding and not judging me at all. Although he got a little self-conscious after that and treats me with utmost care since; even sleeps in Daryl's room at night. I mean, Darius isn't avoiding me or acting strangely or anything. I know he only wants me to have peace and quiet for a proper recovery. However, it bothers me anyway, I can't help it._

_I want him near me... Especially now that I know, he broke up with Marlon — that was surprising because I really thought they were super happy. However, after what Darius told me, it seems like their relationship was very toxic, and he simply played along. I'm glad that he finally managed to ring down the curtain on it, but he's obviously hurt nonetheless. That's why I wish he'd stay near me, so we can console each other._

_We've visited his dad's shop this afternoon because I wanted to get something for Dima. He saved my life and helped me so much; I've put genuine thought into choosing something meaningful, to show that I genuinely appreciate him. Because... Well, without him..._

_Anyway, I spotted this pretty golden ring in Mr Nowak's display for antique jewellery. Two intertwined snakes, gemmed with a diamond and a ruby — it basically screamed_ **_Dmitrij_ ** _at me._

_Long story short: I've ended up spending freaking 800$ of my savings for an 18ct gold double snake men's ring of the Victorian-era. And that was only half of the regular price. I've never purchased anything this expensive before that wasn't an electronic device or furniture; however, he's worth it._

_Darius looked kinda troubled, though; especially when Marek explained the ring's meaning to me. I'm sure he'll ask weird questions later. I think I'll tease him a bit, haha._

_I really owe Mr Nowak one for the ginormous discount. I can't put into words how much I adore this family — every single member. They banter around the clock, but live in perfect harmony nonetheless — it's so warm and wonderful that having them around me puts me at ease. And Kiana said I'm part of their family now. That made me cry on the spot, and everyone started hugging me, which made me sob even more in response. And my cheeks still grow hot when I stare for too long at her. She's so pretty, man... And looking at her also reminds me of Ellio because they wear their eyeliner the same way — sounds stupid because it's such a tiny thing. However, it reminded me of wanting to contact them for the ballet video, so I've texted them this morning. Ellio told me, they've got accepted as an assistant at a manga publisher — I'm super happy for them. They're still in Italy but will go back to Tokyo in summer._

_I don't miss my previous life, but I miss Japan, and I haven't seen Ellio since last February, so I think I'll visit them when they're back._

_This 'void of positive attention-thing' really has me thinking lately..._

_Because the way I'm responding to the Nowak's natural hospitality and tender loving care feels familiar. I've instantly soaked it all up, to the point where I didn't even want to go home anymore. Like, kind of an over-excited tunnel-view. And today, it hit me — it feels exactly the same as back in early November, after my arrival. Gabriel was sweet and attentive, and I instantly latched onto it. I mean, of course, I was hot for him because let's be honest, he's a freaking 20/10. I think, if you don't feel the desire to sleep with him, something must be wrong with you._

_However, my real, deep emotions seem to be all over the place. My mother always hated me, so I can't even describe what exactly I feel for her. I've also never felt romantic love towards anyone, and no one ever had this kind of feeling for me. It always was more of a 'go with the flow' thing._

_I only ever knew Dad's and Claire's love and my feelings for them — and that's comparable to what I feel for the Nowaks but of different intensity, of course. However, what I've developed for Gabriel actually feels similar to Ellio and my 'friends with benefits' thing. We always were affectionate with each other but knew something was lacking. It wasn't enough for us to say, "yeah, a relationship would be a good idea"._

_That's why I start questioning the sincereness of my feelings for Gabriel. Because I craved affection and he satisfied my needs, and I actually don't know what romantic love feels like. I think ... well, no, that's... I guess I'm questioning everything because I'm learning the difference right now, at this moment. Because when I'm with Darius or Dim— oh, speak of the devil..._

Ichiro closed his journal the moment, the door opened; Kiana peeked through the gap, smiling at him. "Good evening, sweetheart. How are ya feeling today?"

"Actually, pretty good. Today was a good day, I think; thank you for asking." Awkwardly reciprocating her smile, Ichiro slowly lifted his notebook above his nose, as he already felt his cheeks growing hot again.

Darius' mother laughed heartily, fondly narrowing her eyes. "Your shyness might be the most adorable thing I've seen all week, dear." She gestured with her chin towards the hallway. "Ducky is in the kitchen, putting away the groceries, and I wanna start cooking now; how about joining us, hm? The pork he prepped all day is for today's dinner. I'll cook Ducky's and my favourite Vanuatu dish for you, so I hope you're hungry." Winking, she turned to leave, and Ichiro followed her right away.

"Welcome home, Mr Darcy," he greeted his friend, who stood with his back towards him, stacking some spice containers to store them at the stove's shelf. His gaze travelled down on its own accord, stopping at Darius' well-formed backside where it lingered until he turned around. Heaving a quick breath, Ichiro frowned slightly, unable to hide his crooked smile from his friend.

"Frosty, have you just checked out my butt?" Darius asked in a teasing tone, eyebrow arched and a smug grin on his lips.

"Tch, you wish."

"Yeah, I do," he murmured and cocked his head while his grin widened at the sight of Ichiro's flustered expression. "Your cheeks are as red as apples, mate."

"Ducky, if ya ain't gonna stop teasin' him, he'll witness how I beat that ass of yours with mah slipper, ya hear me?" Kiana snarled at him as she turned to Ichiro, ignoring her son's indignant look. "Do you want tea, sweetie pie?" Gently grabbing his shoulders, she navigated him over to the table and pushed him down onto a chair. "I've bought some more sorts you can choose from."

"Thank you, Kiana, that's," Ichiro cleared his throat, feeling his blush spreading down to his neck, "a nice gesture, I appreciate it. However, I actually wanted to ask, um..." Locking eyes with her, he smiled awkwardly. "Can I help with the cooking, maybe? I'd love to know how to cook Vanuatu dishes."

Cupping his cheeks while wearing the most maudlin expression, Kiana pressed a peck on top of his head. "My, you are such a sweetheart, of course, you can! "Finally, I have a boy in this household, who actually wants to help me — this is one for the books!" Grinning, she walked over to the stove, nudging her son with her hips while checking on the pork shoulder she asked him to cook beforehand. "Ducky, if ya ain't marryin' that boy, I'm gonna disown ya."

"Put a sock in it, ma," he hissed through his teeth while giving her a sour side glance.

However, as they locked eyes and his mother arched a brow at his blushed cheeks, he broke into a self-conscious laugh and quickly averted his gaze. "I'll go take a shower, then. Have fun cooking, you two."

While passing Ichiro, he ruffled his hair and grinned at him. "Love your short hair, Frosty; so much easier to mess up."

"Get lost, Mr Darcy," Ichiro chuckled and joined Kiana who just came back from the pantry with a bunch of thawed banana leaves in her arms.

"The seasoned meat I asked Ducky to cook will get minced, rolled in cassava dough, and then," she wagged with the leaves, "steamed in here for about an hour. We call it Tuluk; it's a local Vanuatu dish, which my people often sell as street food. Easy to eat when you're on the go." She smiled proudly, her eyes twinkling.

"That sounds super delicious; can't wait to taste it," Ichiro responded genuinely, lifting the slow cooker's lid to relish the aroma.

He was happy to be here, felt at ease and at home, as he was welcomed and wholly accepted. Wondering if he could keep visiting the Nowaks, even when Darius studied in Canberra, he started preparing dinner with Kiana.

After their bellies were full, they all stayed in the kitchen to chat and play poker, much to Darius' chagrin as he, other than his father, didn't have a poker face at all. In the end, Mr Nowak won all the fruit gums and refused to share any with his nagging son.

"I'll just swipe some while you're out; that easy, dad."

Marek turned to him while helping his wife brewing tea.

"You could do that, of course. However, if you don't want me to turn your manga into colouring books, you better don't lay a finger on them." He smiled smugly, cocking his head. "I've counted them, by the way; one-hundred-and-twenty-two."

"Christ, you're so petty," Darius groaned, rolling his eyes.

Kiana cackled in the back, reaching for her husband's hand, squeezing it lovingly.

Ichiro smiled at the heartwarming sight and stole a glance at his friend, who immediately caught him staring and locked eyes with him. "Hm, what's up, Frosty?" He grinned mischievously, and Ichiro already felt his cheeks blushing again. That happened way too often lately — especially around Darius. Clearing his throat, he got up from his chair. "I— um... Can I borrow a shirt for the night? I don't have anything left."

"Sure thing, grab whatever you want. Shirts are in the upper left drawer."

"Oh!" Kiana's startled voice kept Ichiro from leaving the kitchen, and he quickly turned to her. "Hm?"

"Since you're leaving tomorrow, I'd like to take a pic of you and Ducky if that's fine with ya. I'm kinda sentimental, you know."

She smiled so charmingly at him that Ichiro already felt himself nodding along, even though his brain hadn't fully comprehended what she just said.

"Wha— Uh... A photo? Um, yeah, of course." He scratched the back of his head and grinned awkwardly. "I just wanted to change for the night; shall I wait with that?"

"Don't stress about it, mate, and get comfortable. We'll bring the tea to Darius' room in a few minutes." Marek smiled at him, and Ichiro nodded in response, genuinely reciprocating it.

After he had left the kitchen, Darius frowned at his mother. "He ain't stupid, ya know?"

Kiana cackled and walked over to him. "Nah, he's hella smart. However, he's also shy, pure and kind; that boy ain't suspect a thing." Leaning down, she cupped her son's face and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. "Be happy, my love, you'll have a wonderful keepsake for Canberra."

Darius got up from his seat, pulling his mother into a tight embrace. "Ma?"

"Hm?"

"About earlier," he cleared his throat. "I will."

He felt on his neck how her expression shifted into a broad smile.

"Ah, my dear baby boy, you've always been so determined when your heart was involved. I'm glad that's finally the case again." Squeezing him, she kissed his cheek and took a step back. "I'm rooting for ya, hun."

"Thanks, ma."

They smiled at each other as Marek passed them, carrying a tray with tea. "Stop dawdling, love. If you want to take a picture, you better hurry; it's getting late."

When Darius and his mother entered the room, Ichiro already sat cross-legged on the bed. He wore Darius' _Essendon_ jersey which was far too big on him, almost swallowed him whole. While holding his mug with both hands, Ichiro looked up to them with his big puppy eyes, blowing the piping hot Lemon Grey tea — the sight caused Darius' brain to short-circuit. His breath hitched, his heart skipped a beat, and he struggled to keep a straight face, as it was exactly what his dreams were made of. And he talked about it at the _Inside Melbourne_ interview. His cheeks grew hot at the realisation.

"Say, uh, Frosty," he coughed and awkwardly cleared his throat. "Have you listened to my radio interview?"

Frowning, Ichiro cocked his head. "May I remind you that I was knocked out the past few days, Mr Darcy? And the time I was awake, I've spent with you," he stated, while Kiana ushered her son over to his bed.

"Hurry up, your dad is waiting for me."

Darius glared at her while taking Ichiro's teacup to place it at the table. He then quickly sat down behind him. "Take that pic then."

Lowering her phone, she arched a brow. "Are ya kidding me, Ducky? Will you kindly hug him, please? I ain't wastin' my talent on a lame motive," she grumbled but smirked and winked at Ichiro nonetheless.

Exhaling audibly, Darius pulled his friend into a loose embrace, holding his breath for a second as Ichiro took hold of his hand in return. Immediately, their bracelets connected with a light click, and Ichiro turned to him.

"You have one as well?"

Darius grinned bashfully, briefly glancing at his mother. "Yeah... I, uh, made them myself."

Ichiro started smiling brightly, his eyes shining. "That's so sweet and makes me so happy," he whispered, pressing a peck onto Darius' cheek.

Kiana tipped her head to the side and smiled fondly. "You two are so adorable and look so lovely together, I can't—," she murmured while focusing on Ichiro's red cheeks as she pressed the release button.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dariusichihalfao39bk7u.jpg)

The boy thought he was good at hiding his feelings, but he was just as bad as Darius, and Kiana could read them both like open books. Their adoration for each other was so blatant, yet they tried hiding it — and that was already the case when Ichiro had visited them for the first time.

Marek entered once more, hugging his wife from behind and kissing her nape. "Darling, if we don't hurry, the movie starts without us."

"Okay, okay, I'm ready!" Kissing him on the cheek, she shoved her phone into her bag and glanced at the lovebirds once more.

"Don't set the house on fire with all the sparks flyin' between ya," she teased, winking. "See you in the morning, guys, love you."

"Gosh, ma! Just— leave already!" Darius jumped off his bed and ushered his parents out of the room. "Have fun; luv ya!"

Sighing, he closed the door and turned to Ichiro who eyed him curiously.

"Do they really go on a date every weekend?"

"Aye. Theatre, dancing, festivals, concerts, or simply crashing at their friend's bar — just the two of them, for the past ten years. Ma and dad are generally super affectionate with each other. They're together for about, uh, twenty-seven years now and still in love like on day one."

Smiling, Ichiro pressed his clenched fists against his cheeks. "Oh my God, they're still like newlyweds, that's so adorable and wholesome."

"Right?! I want that for myself." Darius smiled tenderly at him while stepping over to his desk.

He pressed a key on his laptop to turn on music, prone flopped down onto his bed, groaned and nuzzled his face into his pillow.

"What; you really intend to get all lovey-dovey and marry someone one day, Mr Darcy?" Ichiro asked while crawling up the mattress.

Darius hummed affirmatively and inhaled deeply, relishing the sweet peachy odour that lingered in the soft fabric. Ichiro's scent was all over his place, and he wished it would never faint. Turning to the side to face him, he smiled bashfully. "I'm actually quite old-fashioned, you know?"

Frowning, Ichiro huffed a laugh. "Old-fashioned? You? How does that fit with you being a totally open-minded weirdo, and polyamorous on top?" He propped up his head on his hand. "Did you want to marry Marlon initially?"

Darius grimaced, quickly shaking his head. "Okay, first of all, I might be poly, but it's actually more, like, I'm cool with my partner having multiple partners. I don't necessarily need that for myself. I know how I work. It's all fun and games until I really fall in love because then, I actually don't want anything else but that person." He shrugged his shoulders. "My heart kinda shuts down."

Cocking his head, Ichiro arched a brow. "Oh, really? And how do you know that when you said yourself, you've never felt true love for Marlon?"

"As if I'd share that with a nosy gremlin like you," Darius whispered, a toothy grin on his lips.

"Killjoy," Ichiro muttered, flicked his ear and grimaced at him.

"Yep. Anyway, when I thought about marriage, I've never had Marlon in mind, and he knew that. That's probably the main reason why he was so obsessed and scared of losing me. I actually wanted to break up with him since forever. Oh! You know about my exchange year in Europe, right?"

Ichiro nodded. "Yeah, I've heard about it but don't know any details."

Humming in understanding, Darius heaved a deep breath.

"Well, I travelled to Italy, Milan, to be precise since it's Melbourne's sister city, in September '18 and came back about four weeks before you moved here. It was a great experience and the reason why I finalised my idea of becoming a physiotherapist because I've worked in a rehab centre and assisted one. 

"Anyway, my initial reason for partaking in the exchange program was to get away from Marlon; to get enough space between us. I needed that because he never left me air to breathe, which inhibited me from breaking up, so I left the country to muster up the courage to leave my boyfriend. Christ, I'm such a loser," he laughed self-deprecatingly. 

"However, he was so obsessed and controlling that he demanded a video call, every fucking day, and even visited me for two weeks in spring. That made me furious, and I _really_ intended to break up as soon as I was back in Melbourne, but..." sighing, he grimaced."

"You were weak, Mr Darcy," Ichiro teased him, poking his finger against his forehead.

"Fuck you, yeah, I was." Darius gently gripped Ichiro's finger and palmed his hand. "I have a soft spot for him because he makes a good friend, and I know his back-story — and that's what he utilised to keep me. Anyway," he intertwined their fingers, "thanks to you, I managed to break free eventually."

Fiercely blushing, Ichiro quickly pressed his face into his side of the pillow. "What do _I_ have to do with it?" he asked in a muffled voice.

Darius snickered. "Do you remember our first meeting?"

"Yeah, it was awful." Ichiro looked back up. "You've acted like a total douchebag, and I was super mean to you."

Grinning, Darius let go of his hand and tousled his hair. "Yeah, I was a jerk and you a nasty little gremlin; however, it wasn't awful at all but quite the contrary." He gently flicked his friend's nose, who tilted his head in response.

"And why is that?"

"Because, despite not knowing me, you instantly put me in my place as I went overboard while teasing Gabe. That shit was impressive as fuck, mate; I immediately took a liking to you. And every time we've met, you proved that my first impression of you was right — you have a terrific personality. Anyhow, spending time with you made it painfully obvious how fucked up my relationship was because—" he cleared his throat. "Anyway! Thanks for being awesome, Frosty."

"Wait! Because—what?"

Grimacing, Darius pressed the tip of his tongue through his lips and shook his head. "You better tell me about Dima now."

"Huh?" Flummoxed, Ichiro stared at him.

"Don't _huh_ me — eight-hundred dollars for a fucking ring with eternal love, and a new start and whatever other corny shit as meaning? Come on, what's going on?"

"Oooh, are you jealous, Mr Darcy?" Ichiro teased.

Darius leaned in close, his warm breath caressing Ichiro's lips. "Yeah, maybe I am. And what about it, huh?" he murmured in a raspy voice, a smug grin on his lip, enjoying the blush that started tinting his friend's cheeks. "Seriously, though." He leaned back again. "I mean, Dmitrij looks oddly fantastic, like, uh, this 90s heroin chic, you know what I mean?"

Ichiro's head jerked up. "Oh my God, you're right! He totally has this 90s runway model look!"

"Right?! Like Kate Moss and whatever the others were called."

"You should've seen him in summer. He had long, straight cut hair; suited him well. Added a touch of vampire to his heroin chic."

Darius whistled in response. "Bet that looked majestic as fuck; I'll ask him to show me a pic when I see him next." He stretched himself and groaned once more. "Gentlemanly, sophisticated, flawless manners, designer clothes — that mate knows his shit," he laughed briefly and turned completely serious right after. "I'd totally do him. Seeing someone so freakishly calm and collected falling apart beneath you must be super satisfying."

Bursting into laughter, Ichiro pressed the back of his hand against his mouth. "The fuck? What?"

"Yeah, you've heard me. Dima is intriguing as fuck, quick-witted, has a pretty face, beautiful eyes, is slim, and kind of an oddball; that's how I like 'em." Darius made a chef's kiss. "Although he's actually too tall for my taste — but we can't have everything, right?" he stated, winking at his friend with a teasing smile on his lips.

Blushing, Ichiro cleared his throat and averted his gaze. His friend's enumerated attributes were the same that he liked about Dmitrij; under normal circumstances, he would be happy that they had that in common. However, he couldn't help but get a little jealous as he realised that he wanted Darius to see _him_ like that, not Dmitrij. Staring at the dark-red bedding, Ichiro huffed. "I'm all that plus short, you know?" he murmured barely audible, pressing his face into the pillow once more.

"Hm? I couldn't quite catch that, Frosty," Darius lied, watching his friend with a fond smile on his lips, glad that he elicited the exact reaction from him he had hoped for.

Ichiro was adorable, even more so with his short hair now, and he loved to tease him. Making him blush and turning him into a flustered mess brought him immense joy. Reaching out, he tousled his hair once more. "Anyway, you're not simply hot for Dima, right?"

Rolling onto his back, his friend sighed. "No. We have a rather complicated relationship. As I said before, we had sex, and that night left me pretty upset."

"Was he _that_ bad?" Darius joked, but Ichiro only gave him an exhausted side glance.

It didn't upset him, as his friend couldn't know what had happened back then; however, even though he meant it as a joke, answering that question was difficult.

What Dmitrij did was wrong. It didn't matter that Ichiro physically enjoyed it because what he felt wasn't based on his free will. It was the drug that made him crave sexual intercourse.

Dmitrij was gentle, honest about everything, treated him well — but in the end, it was rape; no matter how you looked at it. Although Dima seemed to be absolutely clueless back then.

Ichiro remembered that he said lots of peculiar things that had him thinking lately, and he would ask him about it as soon as he was back in Melbourne.

Heaving a deep breath, he turned his head to Darius.

"He wasn't bad at all, but the circumstances were — and I didn't know anything about him; couldn't take the measure of him. I really despised him after that night," he whispered.

"And now, you don't despise him anymore?"

Ichiro shook his head. "No, and that troubles me a bit. Since I've met him here again for the first time, I've deliberately treated him like shit, whereas he was thoroughly polite and respectful. He tried his best, cared about me; _for_ me — that instantly riled me up whenever we ran into each other. I became angry as soon as he was around because— Well, I didn't want to, but..." he wetted his lips. "Despite everything, I started developing feelings for him and became painfully aware of it at New Year's."

Darius heaved a deep breath and rolled onto his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. He already had a hunch but hearing it in person hit differently. Immediately, he started picturing them being in a happy relationship while he was studying in Canberra.

Although Darius would be happy for Ichiro, it would become even more difficult for him to win his heart when he moved back to Melbourne in four years. He assumed Ichiro would be back in a relationship with Gabriel by the time — but Dmitrij on top? Tough competition since both men were exactly his friend's type while he was the complete opposite.

Sighing, he addressed him, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Okay, um... will you two become a thing now? Because that bloke obviously has a crush on you."

"We won't," Ichiro instantly answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

Darius locked eyes with him, arching a brow. "You sure about that, Frosty? Sounds like textbook denial to me — and there's a hint of panic in your voice, you know?"

"Fuck you. Shut your mouth, Darius," he bawled him out and faced the ceiling.

Huffing a strained laugh, Darius turned back on his side, reached for his hand and gently squeezed it. "You're so easy to rile up." He started stroking along Ichiro's slender fingers, traced them with his own.

"Yeah, I am; at least lately."

"Aight, I'm sorry, babe." While using his fingertip to draw a specific shape onto the back of Ichiro's hand, Darius addressed him anew. "Well, I better leave you alone and head over now; you're probably tired anyway, hm? It was an exhausting day after all."

Ichiro rolled over to face him again. "Babe?"

Confused, Darius knit his brows and smiled. "Err, what?"

"You just called me babe."

Raising his brows in realisation, Darius awkwardly cleared his throat. "Oh, uh..." he inhaled sharply through his teeth. "Welp... I don't have an explanation for that. I'm sorry."

Ichiro moved a little closer, shaking his head. "You don't have to. I liked it — but you can take it back, of course. However, I'll change your nickname from Mr Darcy to Mr Coward, then."

Although Darius didn't intend to say it, was the reaction, he received, incredibly satisfying, and instantly shifted the whole mood. From the start, there always had been this subtle, sexual tension between them that grew bigger and bigger, the more they hung out together, tempting him several times to indulge. However, he always remained steadfast. Or mostly, at least, as the Saturday-morning-incident and their beach adventure almost resulted in what he wanted so badly.

And now, they were alone, and Ichiro stared intensely at him, his sultry gaze challenging. He knew his friend tried drawing him out again, and this time, Darius would call his bluff, as it was the only chance left to leave his imprint on Ichiro's mind.

While the corner of Darius' mouth twitched into a faint grin, his gaze dropped down to his friend's lips. "Careful, Frosty, you're heading into dangerous territory," he whispered in a husky voice, firmly squeezing his hand.

"Dangerous, huh? What will you do, threaten to make out with me?" he teased, and Darius immediately locked eyes with him again, smirking.

His breath hitched, and his stomach started throbbing at the thought of what he was about to do.

"Yeah, exactly that." Slipping his hand beneath his neck, he pulled Ichiro close, capturing his soft lips in a sensual kiss.

"Finally... Took you long enough," Ichiro breathed, impatiently pushing his tongue into Darius' mouth while climbing on top of him to straddle him.

"What's with that bratty attitude, hm?" Darius grinned against his lips, licking them before sucking at the bottom one.

"Oh, shut your mouth, Mr Darcy, you've left me thirsting for you since our beach night."

"But I've kissed you on Chr—"

"That damn mistletoe only made it worse," Ichiro cut him off, biting his lip. Sitting up, he took off his shirt and sized up his friend with an arrogant expression. "I won't let you get away today."

Darius laughed a dirty, throaty laugh and arched a brow at Ichiro.

"Pretty big words for such a tiny gremlin." Firmly grabbing his waist, he pressed Ichiro against his erection. "You feel that? Boy, you have no idea for how long that's already waitin' for ya; you'll beg to get away from it."

Grinning, Ichiro cocked his head. "Make me, bighead."

Darius sat up to take off his shirt as well and tenderly pulled Ichiro in an embrace. "I will," he whispered, kissing him again while laying him down into the sheets.

Ichiro stared intensely at him, guiding Darius' hand to his hard dick, rolling his hips into the touch. "Take me, Mr Darcy."

Clenching his teeth, Darius closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. He brushed the tip of his nose delicately along Ichiro's neck and kissed his jawline.

"Frosty, I was teasing you before; you know that, right? You said you're actually a top and that you only played the passive role for Gabe's sake. You don't—"

"Darius." Ichiro cut him off and cupped his cheeks. Blushing, he smiled shyly at his friend. "When I'm with you, I don't want to be the top."

"Man... Why are you like this?"

Frowning, Ichiro arched a brow. "Like what?"

Darius smiled and started peppering him with kisses. "Too precious for this fucked up world."

While he slowly worked through their remaining clothes, undressing them both, Ichiro watched him, covering his bashful smile with his fists. It made him slightly uncomfortable to admit that this felt very different from his first night with Gabriel. He was excited back then, of course, but everything felt more _normal._ He wasn't shy and self-conscious about what he was about to do, like right now, but confidently leading through the experience; a bit emotionally detached, even. It was good sex, and he felt very comfortable with Gabriel, but not enough to let his guard down. To show his raw nature. To admit that he actually was shy, fragile and craved protection.

He always had to act strong; was forced to lead himself through his own life since his mother refused to. And this feigned strength was the reason why he always was afraid to hand over the reins — even in his sex life.

In his night with Dmitrij, the drug, and Dmitrij himself, compelled him to give up on it. Although the entire experience was a twisted nightmare, he quickly realised that he had enjoyed the sensation of the reversed roles. And never in his life felt he more ashamed about something. He wanted to forget about it, as the whole night was just another reason to never let anyone have power over him.

And then, he met Darius.

Right from the start, Darius knew that Ichiro was playing a role. However, he didn't say anything but naturally broke through his defence, nonchalantly dismantling it bit by bit.

His care and acceptance gave Ichiro the strength to be himself. There was no need to act around him; no need to play the overall strong-minded and confident guy. He simply could be himself without being afraid of getting abandoned for being weak, weird, eccentric, nerdy and peculiar — because that was what Darius liked about him. Darius became fond of his true self;not of the role, he had played for others.

And now, Ichiro was freely defenceless for the first time in his life — and still felt secure.

Darius kissed his way up from his waist to his face, made him quiver with every gentle brush of his lips, every sensual lick of his tongue.

Sharing a sweet and tender kiss, he gazed lovingly at him while brushing the short strands of his hair from Ichiro's face.

"You sure you're okay with it, babe?" he whispered, softly kissing his forehead.

Ichiro nodded, raking his hands through his friend's hair.

"So often, I thought about you and me, and it was always you, who—" he swallowed, stared at Darius with parted lips, his blush tinting his nose. "I feel so secure in your arms because I can be myself. I can be a nerd, a jerk, a coward. I can be weak and vulnerable when I'm with you; you never judge me and," tears started welling up in his eyes, "I like it so much when you take care of me." 

Embarrassed over pouring out his heart, Ichiro smiled a crooked smile as hot tears started spilling from his eyes.

"Hey... Don't cry, hm?"

"I'm not crying; my eyes are leaking," Ichiro grumbled, instantly making Darius laugh.

His friend rolled over onto his back, gently pulling Ichiro with him, pressing him against his chest. "Frosty, it makes me super happy that you feel like that, really. My heart is racing; here," he guided Ichiro's hand to his chest, firmly pressing it against where his quickened heartbeat was palpable. "Feel that?"

Ichiro nodded.

"You're doing that, dummy. Always. My heart goes crazy as soon as you are near me, or in my thoughts. Which basically is always," Darius laughed, pressing a kiss to Ichiro's hair. So, no need to feel embarrassed, okay?"

"Okay."

Ichiro kissed his side, where his head was resting, and snuggled up close. Darius pulled him even closer, intertwining their legs. "Frosty, can we talk? I thought about something."

"Hm? What?"

"When I go to Canberra, let's break off contact as long as I'm gone."

"I beg your pardon?"

Ichiro shifted his body and pushed himself up until he and his friend were on eye-level. "You better explain that."

"Of course." Darius gently stroke his cheek. "You and I, um... Nah... Wrong approach." He sighed, biting his lip while fumbling for words.

"Frosty, I'm honest with you. I don't simply want to sleep with you; I want to be with you. I want you as my partner; want to be in a serious relationship with you, and that's the reason why I was so cautious around you — but hey, I'm weak. I simply can't resist you." Darius kissed him anew, pulled Ichiro on top of him. "I never said anything because of Gabe — and now Canberra. And I was afraid that you wouldn't be interested in me that way anyway, but I don't give a shit anymore. It's better to get hurt than to stay in the dark."

"I would! I— I am." Embarrassed, Ichiro quickly pressed his head against Darius' chest, who hugged him tightly in return.

"Are ya? But I'm not your type. I mean, not even in the slightest."

"Wow, don't be ridiculous now," Ichiro snapped, looked up and scowled at him. "Just because I turn my head easier for a blonde than a brunette doesn't mean I don't see them. You've always been incredibly handsome, Darius, but that's not the point here. Thanks to your personality, you're the most attractive and charming guy I know."

Darius was stunned and slowly tipped his head to the side, squinting at his friend. "I, uh—what?"

Inhaling through parted lips, he frowned. Most attractive and charming — and he didn't mention Gabe or Dima.

"Are you for real? It's not just— you don't simply wanna—"

"No, I don't simply want to fuck you, moron." Ichiro briefly brushed their lips together and pressed his forehead against Darius'. "Suki da yo, Mr Darcy."

Ichiro's whisper was barely audible, yet Darius' breath hitched immediately at the sound. While he jerked back his head to look at him, his heart started beating violently in response to the words he just had heard. The sudden and weird sensation in his stomach definitely were butterflies — and they made him giddy with excitement.

He gazed tenderly at Ichiro and smiled slightly.

"I love you too, you little gremlin."

Ichiro responded with a deep frown, flicking his nose really hard.

"Ouch, hey! What the hell, you monster?!"

"How embarrassing! Why do you know the meaning of what I just said?"

"Because I watch anime with subtitles, you fucktard!"

Collapsing onto Darius' chest, Ichiro burst into laughter, immediately infecting his friend.

Wheezing and wiping each other's tears, they pressed their foreheads together, sharing sweet kisses while gasping for air.

"You're such an idiot, Darius."

"Yeah, you're one to talk, mate." He squeezed him gently. "You really love me, Frosty?"

Ichiro nodded, already blushing again.

"I do. I love you."

"Christ, you're making me so happy."

They shared another kiss, more sensual this time, but Ichiro quickly pulled back again. "Wait, maybe I should take it back, You still haven't told me why you want us to ignore each other for freaking four years."

"Riiight..." Sighing, Darius pulled him back into a tight hug.

"Aight, listen. Right now, you're very vulnerable and pretty confused about your feelings; for everyone, I mean. You don't know how to proceed with Dima, Gabe is waiting for you, and I am here, in your arms — and I'd prefer to never change the latter. However, I'm not in the best state either since I just left a toxic, long-term relationship and have to get my shit together. Just like you," he whispered, kissing him gently. "If we stick together, nothing will change.

Ichiro's gaze dropped down; he smiled meekly. "Yeah, you're right. It probably would— No; I surely would ruin it."

Darius quickly cupped his cheeks and made him face him. 

" _You_ wouldn't ruin anything. Your head is fuckin' with ya, that's all. And before we start something new, we should fix ourselves — and that includes a stable environment because I wish for you to have both feet on the ground. Take care of yourself; figure out what you want to do with your life before you spend your time thinking about your feelings for every guy who's messin' with your heart right now.

"I'm not very keen on ending up like Gabe right now, you know? I want you to either love me wholeheartedly, sincerely choosing that you want to be with me, or telling me that we better stay friends. Unfortunately, you can't decide that in your current state."

Ichiro heaved a deep breath. Four years with only little contact already would have been hard, but without any contact at all, it would feel as if he and Darius would part ways forever. However, although it was hurting, what his friend said was logical and elaborate. 

He probably wouldn't change anything but cling to Darius just as much as he clung to Gabriel, wouldn't sort out his feelings; and probably keeping struggling to find his place.

Painting new pictures on one and the same canvas over and over again will only leave him with an indefinable mess of colours that slowly merges into dark-brown nothingness. And Ichiro had used his canvas for many years already — maybe it was time to choose a new one, even though the thought scared him.

"What if you forget about me? What if you fall in love with someone else in Canberra?"

Darius sighed. "Frosty, I'm persistent; if I want something, I won't stop until I have it. I won't forget about you, but I need to get you out of my head for a while because I won't reach my goals otherwise. I'd worry about you, wondering how you'd be doing. We'd message and call each other; half of my head would stay in Melbourne. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure if I'd be strong enough to do that for four years. I'd probably consider dropping everything as soon as you struggle with whatever, but that would neither help you nor me in the long run.

"You have to figure your shit out for yourself, without relying on others. Breaking off contact will hurt us; a lot. But it'll help us focus on ourselves and our lives." He clicked his tongue. "And when I come back in four years, you're probably back at Gabe's side. Or on Dima's. Or both. And then what? I'm poly, you're poly; we don't give a shit. Those guys do. At least Gabe. Dima probs would tag along, but whatever happens, that's what you have to keep in mind. You can't have all of us because not all of us would be cool with it."

Ichiro felt a pang in his chest. What Darius just said had completely slipped his mind before. Gabriel never would accept a polyamorous relationship, which meant, "I'll have to choose in the end."

"Yeah... You'll have to choose in the end. But you know what?"

"Hm?"

Darius slowly licked along Ichiro's lips, the tip of his tongue teasing and probing the corner of his mouth until it finally slipped inside for a brief but intense moment.

"I'll make you remember me. I want you to miss me; to realise that you want me and not Gabe." He pressed him into his lap. "I'll make sure that I'm staying in your head for the next four years because I don't simply want to win your heart." He gently tapped against Ichiro's head. "I wanna leave my trace up here that reminds you every day of what we've had — and could have again when I'm back."

Darius carefully rolled them over once more, pinning Ichiro down.

"Gabe let you slip but I won't. You'll remember how wonderful and wholesome the time was we've spent together; how fantastic our sex was.

He slowly started kissing his way down to Ichiro's stomach.

"Your confidence is sexy, Mr Darcy; you are sexy," Ichiro breathed, subtly pushing up his hips.

"I know."

"And you can be such an arrogant jerk." he looked down, grimacing playfully.

Darius smirked, nodding slowly. "Mh, that's also true."

Holding eye contact and grinning smugly, he licked across Ichiro's erection, kissed the tip and briefly sucked it between his lips.

"Four years without you?" Ichiro whimpered, lifting his hips once more.

"Mhm... And then, you'll have to decide if you want me as your man or your friend at your side. But let's worry about that later; I want you to enjoy our togetherness — every day from now on until I leave."


	33. Truth Hurts

Wetting his lips, Gabriel deeply inhaled as he watched the small dots down on Melbourne's streets busily heading to their destinations on this sunny Saturday morning. Lots of them were streaming in and out of the building, and somewhere amidst them was Marlon. 

Lately, Gabriel had made many wrong decisions, but definitely not today. Because after what he had heard from his friend, one thing was for sure; for now, this building wouldn't be his destination anymore. 

Leaning against the balcony's railing, Gabriel took a sip of his coffee while squinting against the already burning hot summer sun. Random scenes of the past weeks' issues passed his inner eye, hurting him once more, and he asked himself how everything could have fallen apart so quickly. 

Of course, he had no answer — no one had. This unfortunate series of events just had happened, or so he thought. But now, after Marlon explained how he was involved in Gabriel's and Ichi's breakup, Gabriel wasn't so sure anymore. 

Even though both of them struggled with the relationship, they had tried to fix it. Ichiro, as well as Gabriel, were determined to work it out somehow. But Marlon's subtle manipulation planted the idea of a breakup into their heads, convincing them it would be the best solution. 

However, in their case, breaking up was nothing more but the easiest solution. It was the way people chose when they were too lazy to work it out; for those content in their comfort zones, not willing to leave it in an attempt to fix what was broken. 

Sometimes, a breakup was the best, yes — but they haven't even tried to work it out. Gabriel's and Ichiro's struggles were ridiculously insignificant in comparison to others. Gabriel was content there would have been a way to come to terms with everything; to find a middle ground. 

But now that their love was shattered, he had to endure the pain, as nothing more but a heap of shards was left; each piece firmly thrust into his heart. Reflecting the beautiful moments they had spent together while concurrently drawing their xyresic edges deeper into his wounded flesh with every breath he took. 

He was given a peculiar artwork of bittersweet pain; one that he had never wished to receive. But now it was there, and Gabriel had to find a place to store this ugly piece of emotions; after all, it was a gift, wasn't it? A keepsake of what he had lost, not beautiful anymore but a reminder of his own failure.

Gabriel had been too lazy to put more effort into it and was too trusting towards Marlon's word. And the game his friend played for the sake of his own relationship destroyed everything in the end. His mere apology wasn't enough for Gabriel to forgive him. Maybe, Marlon has had good intentions, as far as his twisted view allowed it, but it didn't end well for anyone. 

Maybe, he had been too harsh when he told Marlon that he doesn't want to see him anymore, but Gabriel was hurt and felt betrayed. With Ichiro's arrival, Gabriel's usually thick skin slowly had turned into a paper-thin membrane, and Marlon's confession had torn it apart today.

He knew he needed time to heal, but he felt lonely nonetheless — even with Raphael around.

Sighing, Gabriel swayed the almost empty mug in his hand and stepped back inside — he definitely needed more than one coffee this morning. 

As he was about to fill their automatic brewer with another load of roasted beans, he noticed a shadow at the archway. 

"Good morning, Raph— Amy?!"

Startled as he was, Gabriel nearly dropped the tin container in his hand. Seeing the host of the ' _Spice Talk!'_ radio show passing his living room on a Saturday morning, and scantily clad on top, was the last thing he expected.

"Fuck," she whispered, sharply inhaling through her teeth while her pretty features turned into an embarrassed grimace.

The young woman stared at him like a deer into the beam of a headlight, her cheeks turning bright red in mere seconds.

"Err, hi, Gabriel," she greeted meekly, an awkward smile on her lips as she casually pulled down the hem of a shirt that definitely wasn't hers.

Gabriel couldn't help but grin in response to her adorable reaction. Lightly shaking his head, he turned around, pretending to make some adjustments at the brewer's settings. 

"Coffee?"

"Christ, yes, please," Amy breathed. "I only wanted to get a glass of water, but I definitely need a coffee now."

A burst of warm and rich laughter escaped Gabriel while he listened to the tapping sound of her naked feet on the tiled floor until it signalled that she sat down at the counter.

Turning back around, he tipped his head to the side and smiled gently at her while reaching for another mug. 

"Don't worry, you're so tiny compared to Raphael that the shirt wouldn't even reveal anything when you'd raise your arms.

Amy had propped up her elbows on the counter and repeatedly pinched the heel of her hand while her gaze darted through the room. "That's—" she blushed anew at her croaking voice and quickly cleared her throat. "That's reassuring, I guess." She briefly locked eyes with him before glancing past him, fixing her gaze on the wall cupboards. "This is awkward... I'm—" Amy sighed, finally looking at him. "Is it even okay that I'm here? Raphael said this is your apartment and that you haven't talked about, um, rules yet," she whispered the last words while nestling at the tips of her loosely braided hair.

Gabriel smirked and placed a teal-coloured mug with steaming hot coffee in front of her. "The apartment was almost completely furnished, but I bought some personal things myself. When I passed the kitchen utensils, I saw this one," he pointed at her mug, " and got it for Ichi because it's his favourite colour. However," Gabriel sighed and pushed the button at the brewer anew to fill his cup again, "he'll probably never use it, so... It's yours now. You're welcome here, Amy. I'm happy when Raphael is happy, and as long as you keep," Gabriel cleared his throat and grinned at her, "certain activities in his room, we'll never have an issue."

Amy blushed again, quickly grabbed the mug with both hands and stared at the black beverage. That she ran into Gabriel was a mildly unpleasant occurrence, as she had hoped, Raphael would have the chance to explain everything before they met. She hadn't planned to start dating that handsome flirt, but he wasn't only charming at the interview. Raphael kept his promise, contacted her after, and proved what a great guy he was. Amy fell for him immediately — and now, she sat in his apartment, half-naked, drinking coffee with his roommate. "This is so surreal...," she whispered, briefly glancing at Gabriel again. "Thank you, Gabriel. I really appreciate it," she breathed while carefully blowing over the coffee before taking a sip. 

Closing her eyes, Amy inhaled deeply, a slight smile on her lips. "Teal is also my favourite colour." She turned to Gabriel, smiling at him, her cheeks already rosy again. "Next time," she pointed at the box with coffee beans, "I'll bring a pack of my favourite blend in return."

"Why are you having coffee without me?" Raphael asked in a sleepy voice, followed by a yawn. 

Gabriel's roommate only wore his boxer briefs, oblivious to the effect his almost naked and attractive body had on Amy. She only briefly glanced at him and immediately jerked her head to the side while throwing a coughing fit.

Raphael grimaced against the bright sunlight and rubbed his face as he walked over to her, his messy hair covering half of his face. Gently patting her back, he leaned forward, nudged the back of her head tenderly with his nose before pressing a soft kiss to her hair. "Amy, drinking, not inhaling, you know?"

"Sh— shut up," she croaked while wheezing, hiding her red face behind her hands. 

Raphael laughed heartily, slung his arms around her waist and pressed another kiss to her hair while locking eyes with Gabriel. The two men grinned at each other and Gabriel pulled yet another mug from the shelf. While pressing the button for latte macchiato, he addressed Raphael.

"You were right about Marlon."

"Oh, you've met already? Haven't heard you."

"That's because I went down to the foyer for that." Gabriel carefully shoved Raphael's drink across the counter. "He told me a lot of things, but the most important one was that he was basically the reason why Ichi and I broke up, which is why I've sent him home pretty quickly. Oh, and he said that Darius broke up with him — serves him right. However, it probably won't take long now for Ichi and Darius to get together; especially after that New Year's shit. Mate, seriously, I hate everything right now." 

Gabriel repeatedly glided the tip of his tongue across the corner of his mouth, heaved a sigh as he reached for his mug and glanced out the window. Raphael watched him with a concerned look, unsure of what to say. That his roommate chose to tell these things in front of Amy, who basically was a stranger, showed how hurt and vulnerable he was. However, his currently uncharacteristically demeanour caused trouble for the woman in Raphael's arms as well because he was sure that Amy felt uncomfortable hearing about all this. 

Thanks to the radio interviews, Amy knew all of the guys by now. They told her many personal stories, but they all refrained from using names when speaking of others. That led to her accidentally knowing basically all vital information about this clique but being unable to connect their relationships. Raphael used the past week to explain all the ongoing drama as best as possible, including the polyamory aspect. But he wanted to be considerate of his friends nonetheless and barely gave away any of the intimate details. Without them; however, Amy had trouble making sense of everything. She was overwhelmed by the flood of information and said that she felt like a nosy intruder. Especially since she had witnessed the unpleasant incident at the housewarming party.

Raphael smiled to himself as he remembered his reaction to the soap opera script they were living when Darius welcomed him in their midst. Back then, he felt just like Amy right now; however, she would have to deal with it since she decided to date him. Because being with Raphael meant being near Gabriel and all the chaos that followed him, and it sure wouldn't take long for her to connect all dots.

Raphael shifted his gaze from his roommate's handsome profile to the delicate woman in front of him. She quietly sat on her barstool, huddled in his arms and stared at the coffee in her hands. 

Her body was tense, and Raphael assumed she would prefer to leave than sitting between them while they talked about personal issues. 

"You can wait in my room if you want," he whispered while leaning down a little, grazing her earlobe with his lips.

Amy quivered slightly under his touch, hummed affirmatively but shook her head nonetheless. "Yeah, no, I have to say something before." Clearing her throat, she fixed her gaze on Gabriel.

"I don't know how much you've heard of Ichiro's interview, but he and I are going on a bubble tea tour. Today, to be precise. Is that okay with you?"

Despite the sad look in his caramel-coloured eyes, Gabriel smiled gently at her. "Of course, it is. I don't have any problems with Ichi; far from it. I miss him..." he heaved a deep breath. "Ichi always says ginger ale is his favourite drink, but I think bubble tea surpassed that long ago without him even noticing it. He's crazy about it — you'll have lots of fun, I'm sure. Thanks for asking, though; I appreciate that you're so considerate." 

Smiling reassuringly, Gabriel winked at her and turned his head back to the large window wall.

Amy quietly kept watching him for a brief moment, then quickly downed the rest of her coffee. She turned around in her seat, accidentally brushed her nose against Raphael's pecs and immediately blushed again. Only briefly glancing at him, she slowly slid off the barstool. "I, uh, get ready then. It's almost eleven."

Raphael grumbled playfully in disapproval, gently traced Amy's sharp jawline with his curled-up index finger, tipped up her chin and kissed her; quickly but sensually. "If you're not too exhausted after your date with Ichi, feel free to come back to me." 

An indefinable sound escaped Amy's throat and made Raphael chuckle in delight. He nudged her cheekbone with his nose before kissing it. "I better stop teasing you now, hm?" he smiled at her, tipping his head to the side.

Amy frowned, nodded along. "Yes, please. This morning was, well, a lot." Blowing out her cheeks, she exhaled slowly while squeezing Raphael's arm. "Anyway, I better hurry." 

She smiled, quickly hurried through the room and down the hallway. Raphael chuckled anew. "Hah, she's adorable when she's flustered, and that's often — and mostly my doing," he said proudly with a grin on his lips while turning to Gabriel.

"What's up with you now? Could you sort out everything you wanted to?"

"Most of it," his roommate replied, still gazing out the window. "I told Marlon that I don't want to see him anymore. At least for a while, but he doesn't have to know that now. Marlon should suffer a bit for what he did because manipulating my relationship with Ichi is nothing I can forgive easily. 

"And with Marcus..." sighing, he took a sip from his cup. "We had a long talk where he told me a lot about himself. It seems like he's in a similar phase as Ichi was, back in Japan. Although their reasons couldn't be any different. Marcus desperately tries to break away from an overly-sheltered, religious life — in a pretty toxic way. He's not a bad guy; I actually like him. 

"He's a vet student, and people who dedicate their lives to animals can't be that bad, right? However, how he acted was the absolute worst, and made me react even worse in return. And that just..." he shrugged his shoulders. "It kinda ruined absolutely everything. Marcus cried when I said we better don't start anything, and," Gabriel clicked his tongue, briefly glancing at Raphael, "I'm soft-hearted, unfortunately. I said we could start from scratch and get to know each other better; spending time with proper dating and everything, I mean. If he apologises to Ichi — that was my condition."

Raphael heaved a sigh and pursed his lips as Gabriel locked eyes with him. "Do whatever you want, but I'm not sure if that'll work out well for you."

"I feel lonely, so ... it's okay; I'm not looking for anything serious. Ichi is in my heart — there's no room for anyone else."

Raphael tried to ignore the bitterness that suddenly welled up inside him and clenched his teeth while keeping gazing at his roommate's handsome face. "So, that guy's job is to fill a hole. Involuntarily," he stated, thinking that there would have been better options for his friend.

"No. Marcus knows very well that he'd be a fling because I told him so. Yes, I might be dense in romantic things or whatever, but I never would intentionally play with anyone's feelings. However, he doesn't seem to care." 

Gabriel emptied his mug and placed it in the sink. 

"In any case, I was honest with him. When he chooses to come close again anyway, he's making that decision based on the knowledge that I'll never have deeper feelings for him. So, that's been sorted out for now, at least." 

Heaving a deep breath, he massaged his temple. 

"The bigger issue is Darius because he's one of my closest friends and—" Gabriel's voice cracked while tears welled up in his eyes. "I miss him, you know? And although he'll leave the city soon, he doesn't want to see me. I'm not sure if I can deal—" Biting back his tears, Gabriel shifted his gaze to the window once more, supporting himself at the kitchen counter. "Whatever; I'm alright. It'll be okay," he breathed and exhaled heavily. "Darius and I often clash, but we also always make up again quickly. I'm sure it won't be any different this time. I mean, that's what—" Gabriel couldn't finish the sentence and roughly rubbed his face instead. 

For the past week, he tried to ignore the big picture, but it was a fact that he not only had lost Ichiro but also Darius; and now Marlon. He looked over to Raphael, who watched him quietly, and offered him an exhausted smile. Chewing on his bottom lip, his roommate slightly shook his head. 

"Stop playing cool, mate." He took a big sip of his latte macchiato, walked around the counter, and gently placed a hand at Gabriel's side. "You're absolutely not okay with the current development."

Gabriel immediately covered Raphael's hand with his own and turned to him; their noses only mere inches apart. Raphael's breath hitched at the situation they involuntarily created. The warmth emanating from Gabriel's large hand made his heart skip abeat. His roommate was so close that he didn't dare to move, afraid of reducing the gap even more. Swallowing slowly, he forced himself to keep his gaze focused on Gabriel's. However, the urge to stare at his kissable lips was challenging and hard to withstand.

His roommate stared intensely at him, his eyes still teary as he clenched his jaw while shaking his head. "No, I'm absolutely not okay, but at least you're staying at my side. That helps a lot," he muttered in his deep voice, inclined his head and huffed a small laugh. "Man, you're so messy, Hawthorne..." Squinting, he firmly traced Raphael's upper lip with the pad of his thumb, completely catching him off guard as he licked it off right after.

"What the fuck, mate?" Adrenaline rushed through Raphael's body, accelerating his heartbeat and breathing in mere seconds and made it difficult hiding it. While holding his breath, he stared wide-eyed at Gabriel, but he just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Milk foam. Learn how to drink, or you'll embarrass yourself in front of your little lady next time," Gabriel retorted casually, briefly squeezing Raphael's hand before walking past him. "I'll go downstairs and hit the gym — need to let off steam. Join me when Amy has left."

Slowly exhaling, Raphael watched how his roommate vanished in the small corridor that led to his bedroom. He grimaced, wetted his lips and disposed of his remaining hot beverage. "Do me a favour, Ichiro St. James, and come back quickly, or this situation will drive us insane."

✵✵✵

Ichiro was about to doze off as his phone signalled an incoming message. The soft, fairy-like chimes pierced his mind like lightning, tearing an arid hole into the tranquil but magical dream that made his heart race while pulling him out of his peaceful state. Grimacing, he tried to hold onto the vivid pictures while blindly reaching for the electronic device. Ichiro patted down the silky purple sheets several times until he finally felt the phone's cold and smooth surface beneath his fingertips. Curling his slender fingers around the flat object and squinting against the bright light, he stared at the screen and broke into a smile as he read Kiana's name. He was glad that he could muster up the courage to ask for her and Marek's numbers, as Kiana used that moment to reassure him that he always was welcome in their home. She even proposed the idea of regular visits during Darius' absence which Ichiro happily embraced.

Immediately after opening her message, his heart skipped a beat. Pictures were attached — the photos she took last night. They looked great; he eminently liked the one where Darius poked out his tongue, as it was such a characteristic action.

"You goofball," he whispered, affectionately gazing at his friend's handsome features while zooming into the picture. His eyes traced the sharp line of Darius' jaw, wandered about the full lips that kissed so well and lingered at the tip of his tongue, which— 

Ichiro heaved a quick breath, rousing the butterflies in his stomach as he remembered the last night. Darius really had made sure to make Ichiro remember him forever. 

The time he had spent at school, and college was filled with a plethora of sex with many various people in many different fashions, but none of it was fulfilling. Disgusted him afterwards, even, and made him feel ashamed of himself. He hated craving attention; the need he felt to bond with someone. It made him feel weak and left him feeling even more pathetic after every questionable tryst and one-night-stand. The only times he genuinely enjoyed it was with Ellio because they liked and comforted each other, kept each other on the ground — alas, that wasn't enough. And when they travelled back home to Italy, Ichiro had spiralled down even further. 

Gabriel was the one who stopped him from falling, spent him comfort and assurance. Managed to made him enjoy being with someone, and even though their physical encounters were rare, they have always been satisfying for Ichiro. 

However, no matter how much he had tried to ignore it, he never could get rid of the nagging feeling that something was missing. And it was only now that he realised that simply stopping the fall hasn't been enough, as it was Darius who had pulled him up in the end. 

Ichiro knew from the start that something was odd about how naturally they bonded. How effortlessly they were getting along while he had to work hard on his relationship with Gabriel. And last night, Darius proved that their connection always had been different; deeper as Ichiro wanted to admit.

Never before had he felt anything remotely close to what his friend elicited from him only a few hours ago. Thinking about it made him pleasantly quiver again and quickened his heartbeat. Their level of connection, physically and mentally, had been so intense that it had seeped into every fibre of Ichiro's body. It enveloped every cell, lingered underneath his skin, subtly pulsating, reminding him with every heartbeat of the unconditional devotion he had experienced. 

But it also tore him apart, split his mind and made him feel guilty towards Gabriel, as the love he felt for him was genuine, and being apart from him hurtful. Ichiro wondered if they could have a similar relationship to what he had developed with Darius because right now, he wasn't willing to give up on anyone. He couldn't, but he had to and became painfully aware that detaching from everyone was inevitable.

Sadness flitted through his eyes, reflecting on the screen as he kept staring at the picture.

"These four years will kill me," he whispered while his fingertips trailed down a delicate path on his stomach to slip past the waistband of his shorts.

However, before he had the chance to indulge his lust, a soft knock at his door demanded his attention. Flinching at the sudden sound, he closed his eyes and heaved a deep breath, pulled back his hand and slowly sat up.

"Come in."

Richard smiled at him, a bucket with ice cream in his arms. 

"Ready for our father-son-talk?" he asked while walking over to the bed to flop down next to him.

"Absolutely not," Ichiro stated and shifted his position to properly face his father.

Laughing, Richard handed Ichiro a spoon and started scooping up some ice cream. "We'll probably never find the right moment, but I think we must talk about it now. However, maybe we start with an easy topic, hm? How was your date today? I've heard you found a new friend?"

"Yeah, it was a fun day, and we'll meet again." Ichiro smiled while licking the underside of his spoon. "Her name is Amy, twenty-six years old, and a radio host. She gave me a bubble tea tour through Melbourne."

"I know." Richard glanced at him, smiling gently. "I've heard the interview."

Ichiro's movement froze mid-air, his spoon hovering right in front of his lips as he stared wide-eyed at his father. He had known of the minimal risk that his family could get wind of the interview. However, the chance that Richard or Claire would listen to a late-night radio show was approximately as high as getting struck by lightning. And because he was content that wouldn't happen, Ichiro agreed to talk about all those intimate things.

"You're never listening to the radio," he whispered while tearing up, realising the embarrassing things he told and that his father had heard them all.

Richard laughed softly, carefully taking the spoon from Ichiro's hand to stick it into the ice container. As he placed everything on the nightstand, he shrugged his shoulders. 

"Well, yes, because usually, the mixes are bad and the hosts annoying, aren't they?" 

Pulling his son into a quick, loose hug, he tousled his hair. 

"It was by chance. Rayne's car blocked the driveway when Claire was about to die of a migraine, so I took hers instead of mine to get some pain killers. I didn't change the radio station your sister was listening to, and the show started when I got back home and was about to leave the car. The second I heard the host introducing you, I stopped moving. Anyway, I've missed a bit of the initial small talk while I was rushing inside to hand over the pain killers but listened to everything else in my study after."

"Oh, my God... I think this is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me — and I went through a lot of embarrassing situations in my life," Ichiro lamented.

He hid his face behind his arm, as he could feel a fierce blush heating up his cheeks, and how it spread to his neck, ears and nose. 

"Sorry, dad, but I can never look into your eyes again."

Slouching, he tipped forwards until his father's chest stopped the fall. His forehead pressed against firm pecs, Ichiro groaned and clasped Richard's shoulders who laughed in response and squeezed him gently. "Don't worry about it. You were straightforward, and although you managed to make your old man blush more than once, you haven't said anything embarrassing. Quite the contrary, to be honest, because I thought it was brave of you to tell all those things."

Ichiro looked up and stared at him in disbelief. "Dad, you've heard that I've slept with more than forty people in easy hookups, threesomes, orgies and whatever. And I only said that I stopped counting at forty — it could've been easily double the amount, you know?"

"Yes, but who am I to judge your sex life?" 

Richard shifted his weight a little and gently grabbed Ichiro's shoulders while facing him, his eyes filled with concern.

"Ichi, you're not only my son but a grown-up man. It's not exactly easy for a parent to hear those things that I have to admit, but that doesn't mean that I'm judging you. However, you said it was a bad coping mechanism, and that's the only vital information I've personally taken from it." 

Heaving a deep breath, Richard folded his hands in his lap, staring at them while sorting through his thoughts. 

"I'd like to know why my child chose promiscuity as a way to harm himself. And I'd like to know why my child never told me about his depression or the bipolar disorder. Or what really happened at New Year's night? And although I'm not demanding answers, I really wish you would trust me enough to share it with me. Especially why my precious son needed to be hospitalised last summer and chose to not tell me." 

Richard looked up again, the upwelling tears in his eyes mirroring those in Ichiro's. "What could I have done better?" he asked, his voice breaking.

Ichiro smiled a sad smile, his lips trembling while tears streamed down his face. The pain in his father's eyes and how he tried to retain his composure tightened his chest. 

He went wrong so many times. Chose what was bad for him over and over again, yet his father wouldn't have judged but helped him; he knew that deep down. Even now, although he knew nothing about anything, he wasn't blaming his son but asked what _he_ could have done better instead. 

Choking, Ichiro bit back his tears and grimaced, disgusted by himself, as he felt not worthy of a father like Richard. Not worthy of his love.

His relationship with him and Claire always had been thoroughly positive, and Ichiro never had a reason to keep anything from them. 

They always were sympathetic, proved how accepting and supportive they were on every occasion. 

However, due to how Arisa treated him, his usually lively self slowly but steadily turned more and more introverted. And eventually, he even became afraid of expressing himself openly around his father and stepmother. He started to conceal his true nature and how he spent his life. Forgot how to share anything personal and stuck to idle chitchat, as it was safe. 

Ichiro felt so trapped in his own mind that he didn't know how to reach out anymore since he was too busy with being the perfect child as Arisa wanted him to be. 

And now, all of it came back to him; made him realise how much he had hurt his father unintentionally by blocking him out, out of irrational fear. 

Heaving a laboured breath, Ichiro wiped the tears off his cheeks.

"There's absolutely nothing you could've done better. You're the best dad one could ever wish for, I mean that. I was just a coward."

He shifted his position once more until he sat right next to his father, and gingerly reached out to take hold of his hand. "I'll tell you everything, but please don't make me look at you. This is really hard for me right now because I know it'll hurt you."

Richard tenderly squeezed his son's delicate fingers in return and nodded.

Ichiro started where his misery took the course; at his parents' divorce. 

He told his father how Arisa's whole demeanour had changed in a heartbeat after he had moved out. That she started beating him regularly, cuffing him or badly hitting body parts that usually were covered by clothes with heavy objects. 

"In the beginning, it was for bad behaviour, then for bad grades. And after a while, mum made up excuses and simply vent up her anger on me eventually, until last summer," he said indifferently. His eyes briefly darted to his father's clenched jaw before he continued explaining.

Ichiro told Richard of the mental abuse, how his mother permanently humiliated, tormented, insulted and degraded him, even in front of strangers. Mentioned, how she forced him to study around the clock, to have and maintain perfect grades. That she neglected him, not even taking care of his basic needs, which forced Ichiro to cook, clean, and wash his clothes since the age of nine.

"She forced me to take piano and ballet lessons, demanded the architecture study and that I give up my interest in art. Forced me to work part-time when I turned fifteen to cover all my expenses myself — I've never seen a single penny of your money, dad." 

Ichiro heaved a quick breath and rubbed the back of his nose, unsure of how to proceed as he noticed how uncomfortable the depictions his father made. However, Richard had the right to know what happened, and so he continued, although hesitantly.

"You can't imagine how much I loved school uniforms," he stated, huffing a strained laugh. "Because I only had the threadbare clothes of our neighbour's grandson to wear until I started working. That guy was chubby and three years older than me, so you can imagine how I looked. I mean, mum had a few nice clothes for me, but I was only allowed to wear them when she had to present me, or when I met with you, so you wouldn't get suspicious. 

"In front of her acquaintances and colleagues, she loved bragging about her prodigy child; praised me even and briefly patted my head while wearing a fake smile. However, aside from that, my worth was similar to the dirt under her shoes. I never was a genius but worked myself to the bone, day in and day out, to meet her expectations; alas, it never was enough.

"Mum never genuinely praised me, never touched me lovingly. Neither have I ever received a single hug in those twelve years, nor a single kind word. Mum either ignored or abused me, there was no in-between, which eventually resulted in my mental health issues."

He glanced at his father, noticing the quiet tears that streamed down his cheeks. Gently starting to stroke his hand, Ichiro heaved a deep breath. "Shall I stop?"

Richard turned to face him and shook his head. He smiled briefly while wiping off his tears and gently stroke Ichiro's hair. "It's crushing, and hard to stomach, but that's nothing compared to what you had to endure all those years."

He faced the mattress again, respecting his son's wish to not look at him while he talked, but kept his hand in a firm grip.

Ichiro exhaled audibly. Telling all these things didn't affect him anymore, as his mind had become numb to it. It was nothing but a mere monotone monologue anymore. An essay he recited, detached from his personal life; a necessary development to protect himself from further harm. 

But it affected his father, and that was something he couldn't handle well. It pained him to see how Richard struggled to deal with the flood of devastating information, which was the main reason why Ichiro had never said anything. He always knew how much his father loved him; how much he wished Ichiro would live with him. Telling him how terrible he was treated throughout his daily life would have broken him. However, Richard deserved to hear the truth, as he deserved nothing but trust and honesty.

Clenching his teeth, Ichiro cleared his throat and reluctantly continued.

"I started craving attention and physical affection so badly that I let people do with me whatever they wanted. I've lost my virginity when I turned thirteen. The girl was already sixteen and not my type, but she was hot for me, chased me, and I quickly gave in because the attention felt good. I wanted to feel something, sex made me feel something, even if only briefly, but it was enough to get addicted to it. The only times I didn't engage in anything sexual was during winter. Because after my birthday, I always had something to live off from. Your and Claire's loving hugs and genuine affection helped me a lot to endure everything else. Our meetings basically were like an annual reminder of how beautiful real love and affection felt, how wonderful a normal life was. They kept me going — and when I couldn't go anymore, I've called you, to recharge my batteries a little bit."

A strangled noise escaped Richard as he pressed his clenched fist against his lips. Rubbing his forehead in distress, he exhaled audibly and signalled Ichiro to continue.

"Until I left school, I basically was handed around amongst the girls and boys of the graduating classes, which was already bad enough, but it became way worse at university. I won't tell you the details because I can hardly handle them myself. 

"However, when I started working at the bar, I tried to change. I had a boyfriend and wanted to live an ordinary life. I didn't love him or anything, but we were getting along well; that was already more than I thought would deserve. I saved money because I wanted to move out since I already mostly stayed over at his place, which drastically improved my mental health. But in the end, I was weak — I cheated on him last summer. The whole night didn't go as planned, and I went home in the early morning, crying. Mum hit me again, yelled at me, insulted me and told me it was my own fault that people took advantage of me and mistreated me because of the way acted, the way I looked. And then..." 

Ichiro heaved a ragged breath, squeezing his father's hand firmly. 

"Then, she told me that she's sick of me and that I should finally disappear; vanish forever. And that's what I attempted to do because I always tried to please her. That morning, I tried to kill myself."

He inhaled quickly and held his breath as Richard turned to him in the blink of an eye, sheer terror written all over his features which shifted into a grimace of agony. Fresh tears welled up in his father's already swollen eyes, streamed down his face like salty rivulets. The sight constricted Ichiro's throat, made his breath hitch. "I'm so sorry, dad," he croaked, clasping his shocked father in his arms. 

Richard immediately reciprocated the embrace, pressed him firmly against his chest as he started trembling, unable to hold back anymore. 

Holding his sobbing father in his arms was the worst Ichiro ever had experienced. The tall, broad-shouldered and confident man suddenly felt so small and fragile in his embrace, his voice so weak, and the look in his eyes so helpless. It pierced his heart like a thousand needles, made him vow to himself that he would never make his loved ones go through anything like this again.

The ice cream was completely melted by the time Richard's tears had finally dried up. He looked up, his breathing still laboured, cupped Ichiro's cheeks and watched him quietly while stroking his face. His attempt to smile failed miserably and resulted in him biting his cheek and glancing away as fresh tears welled up once more. 

After a while, Richard closed his eyes, heaved a deep breath and shifted his gaze back to Ichiro. "That you tried to take your life— There's nothing that could hit a parent harder than their child's death. I love you so much, Ichiro; words can't describe my feelings for you. I love Claire and Rayne with all my heart, and I would go through fire for them. They bring me so much joy, make my life so much brighter. But you are..." he heaved a quick breath. " You are my little baby boy, the most important person in my life, and that will never change. That you're still with me—" he swallowed and tried hard to retain his composure. "I'll forever be grateful that you're still with me, and I'll always shower you with love, even if you should get sick of it." Richard offered him a crooked smile while stroking his face once more. "We will go through this, and I'll help you as best as I can. I'll make sure that you'll never experience anything like that again, I promise." He pressed a quick kiss to Ichiro's forehead.

"The thought that you suffered so much that you wanted to die... And that you survived it without anyone next to you who cared about you... That breaks my heart into a million pieces."

Ichiro stiffened, and his eyes went wide at the sudden torrent of suppressed memories that started flooding his mind. A myriad of blurry pieces slowly blended together, forming entire scenes that played in the dreary hospital room. Scraps of someone's monologue found back together and started to make sense again. The memories became crystal clear and hit him like a punch. He slumped back, reached for his throat and inhaled deeply, as it felt like all air was forced out of his lungs. 

"Are you alright, Ichi?" his father asked, concern lingering in his voice.

Ichiro slowly nodded along, staring right through him as he listened to the voice in his head.

_'I am sorry.'_

He heard the words vividly in his head, in that rich and warm voice he liked so much. Felt the warmth of the man's skin radiating on his ice-cold cheeks, remembered how his warm fingers tenderly stroke his face.

"When I woke up in the hospital, I wasn't alone," Ichiro whispered, focusing his gaze back on his father who puckered his brows in return. "You weren't? Then, who was with you? Your boyfriend?"

Ichiro shook his head and swallowed. "It was Dmitrij."

Richard frowned, his mouth agape. "I—what?" He briefly jerked his head to the side, confusion written all over his face. "Please, explain that to me like to a five-year-old because I can't follow at all. Haven't you met each other for the first time when you moved here?"

"No. Dad, listen," Ichiro wetted his lips, contemplating how to tell what happened. "Dima was in Tokyo at the time. He visited the bar I was working at because he wanted to get acquainted with me, and," he cleared his throat, "I said before that I cheated on my boyfriend that night. I, uh... It was with Dmitrij. He and I had sex before I tried committing suicide."

Richard's breathing lightly quickened, the crease between his brows deepened, and his jaw muscles worked heavily beneath his skin. Stony-faced, he kept watching Ichiro for a while. 

"I will kill that bastard," he hissed menacingly through his teeth, his voice trembling in anger.

"No! Dad!" Ichiro quickly grabbed his father's face and stared intensely at him, a pleading look in his eyes. "You will not lay a finger on him, and you will promise that."

"Why would I? He knew what you did and hasn't said a single word to us!"

"And I'm glad that he didn't because _I_ would've killed him if he'd dared to tell you what happened! It wasn't him who tried to kill himself but me! Dmitrij had absolutely _no_ right to say anything to anyone! No one but I had because it wasn't anyone's business but mine!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Richard heaved a deep breath and exhaled audibly. "Alright... I can get behind that sentiment and am willing to accept it. However," he locked eyes with Ichiro again, scowling, "he lied to us regardless and acted as if he wouldn't know you. That, I won't forgive him."

Sighing, Ichiro let go of him and leaned his head against the wall. "He didn't actually lie to you. What Dima did was a form of protection."

Richard rolled his eyes. "How many excuses do you have for that guy?"

Ichiro arched his brows and huffed a small laugh, deciding to keep his thoughts regarding that question to himself. 

"Dad, after I— when I woke up, I had absolutely no memory of what had happened; of what I did. Dima was with me, yes, but I didn't recognise him. I didn't even know why I was in the hospital or how I got there. It took me a few days to regain a small part of my memories, but that Dmitrij had been there, I only remembered a few minutes ago. And I still don't know how I got to the hospital — I'll have to ask him...

"Anyway, it was Dima who said that he didn't want to see me die, and suggested that I better move to Australia to be with you; to get my life together. I thought he was a weird stranger and still didn't recognise him when I met him here for the first time. He kept quiet about it but teased me; deliberately got on my nerves in an attempt to carefully trigger my memories. And then, roughly four weeks ago, something minor finally made me remember who he was. And what he—" Ichiro cleared his throat, "and that I had spent a night with him. And since then, since he was sure I remembered everything, Dmitrij basically fulfils my every wish."

Grabbing his father's hand, he squeezed it reassuringly.

"He treats me well, dad; politely, respectfully and equally. And he saved my life at New Year's when I broke down. I already was unstable for a while since I had run out of meds. Dima knew that and kept an eye on me without my knowing. That night, I broke my bathroom mirror and harmed myself with its shards, threatened Dmitrij with scissors, and I'm not sure what I would've done if he wouldn't have stopped by. Dima took care of absolutely everything without judging me. Without taking advantage of a situation. He demanded that I stayed with him until someone could take care of me because otherwise, he'd have brought me to an asylum. He cleaned up the chaos here, provided my medication, got my hair fixed, which I had violently chopped off that night. He tended to my wounds, brought me to a hospital in the morning to get me patched up properly, and set up appointments with a therapist as well."

Richard gently pulled his hand out of Ichiro's grip and crossed his arms. "So, you're telling me that everything he did was in the best interest of you?"

"Yes."

Clicking his tongue, Richard briefly averted his gaze. "And why? Does he have feelings for you?"

Ichiro hummed affirmatively.

Looking back at his son, he tilted his head. "And what about you?"

Ichiro clenched his teeth and nodded. "It's pretty chaotic in my head, as you might have noticed, and on top of all that are feelings for Gabriel, Darius and Dima mixed into the mayhem."

"Darius as well?!"

"Yes."

Sighing, Richard roughly rubbed his face and glanced out the window. The sun was about to go down and tinted the sky in vibrant shades of orange, yellow, pink and purple. It looked peaceful outside, whereas pure chaos reigned the conversation in this room.

He turned back to Ichiro, who looked at him with his big, blue eyes, his gaze filled with unease and shame.

"That's a lot to take in, but we'll figure it out. I probably need a few days to sort through it, but we _will_ work something out for you, I promise. Not only your mental well-being but your future depends on it, and I won't watch it go down the pan. You're too smart and worked too hard to get everything ruined by—that woman."

Ichiro nodded and started fiddling with his fingers, unsure of what to say as Richard addressed him anew.

"Your mental health problems—were they diagnosed at the hospital?"

"Yeah, no, not exactly. When I was stable enough, the senior physician induced my transfer to the psychiatric clinic in Akasaka. I had to stay there for several weeks and was in permanent psychological care — that's when I got my diagnoses."

Richard frowned, visibly confused. "Who covered the expenses?"

"Huh? What do you mean? My insurance."

"Ichi, the clinic in Akasaka is a private and rather expensive one, therefore not covered by any insurance company. Paid Arisa for it? I mean, I've sent her several thousand Dollars for you, each month since you were nine, so she definitely had the means."

Ichiro huffed a bitter laugh and stared indifferently at his father. "Apparently, they called her right after I had got taken to hospital. Mum told them that she wouldn't have a son and hung up on them. So, no."

Richard clenched his teeth. "Bloody hell, this damned bitch." Frowning, he crossed his hands behind his head. "Well, someone must have paid vast sums of money for it, and I'd like to know who because no one pays about a million Yen or more for a stranger."

"That much?!" Ichiro stared at him, stunned.

"You dreamer, what do you think the stay in a private clinic including medication, full board and 24/7 psychological care costs? For several weeks, even? It was, at least, a million yen."

Suddenly, Ichiro was thunderstruck, sat up straight and raised his brows.

"Dad, how can we both be so embarrassingly slow on the uptake? It was Dmitrij — it has to be. Aside from mum, who didn't give a shit, he was the only one who knew about it. I mean, he was there, wasn't he? And he's well-off."

Clicking his tongue, Richard grimaced at him, but before he could say anything, Ichiro raised a warning finger. "Don't you dare drag him now, dad. He kept everything regarding me to himself, yes, and I know that it doesn't sit right with you. However, he also hasn't breathed a word about the clinic expenses. He could have bragged around, he could have used it against you since Claire is pretty famous; or against me, to take advantage of me, but he chose to do nothing at all. He naturally took care of everything while keeping minding his own business, and I think that's laudable and deserves appreciation."

Richard grimaced, got up from the bed and walked over to the window to gaze outside. He knew that his son was right and that he actually had no reason to be mad at Dmitrij, but he felt betrayed anyway, which bothered him. Because he had no right to feel this way over this matter. It was a severe issue, yes, but Ichiro was the one who got to decide how to handle it; no one else. And that had been exactly what Dmitrij was doing; he hadn't flout but respected Ichiro's privacy. 

"That perfectly mannered sly dog," he muttered, sighed anew and pursed his lips.

"You're incredibly kind-hearted, Ichi; so much more than I am."

"Just because I simply don't want to judge people based on their flaws?" Ichiro asked and offered him a half-hearted smile. "Nah, that has nothing to do with being kind-hearted, dad." 

He shifted over to the bed's side to get up and join his father. 

"I have so many imperfections; I know the god-awful feeling when those around you refuse to acknowledge what's underneath. We all make mistakes, but they shouldn't define who we are, as long as we're willed to change for the better, don't you think?" 

Nudging Richard with his shoulder, he smiled genuinely at him. 

"It's easy to condemn people for their wrongdoings, but we should always consider giving them a second chance if they prove themselves."

"Even a serial killer?"

"Christ, dad. Don't you think being a serial killer is a tad more severe than being secretive?"

His father hummed in affirmation, although reluctantly.

"You like him _that_ much, huh?"

Ichiro bit the inside of his cheek and puckered his brows as he thought about how often Dmitrij's mere presence was enough to rile him up.

"Well, he's actually a jerk, annoying as fuck and makes me livid most of the time, but yeah, I like him that much."

"Haaah, damn." Richard pulled Ichiro close, enveloping him in a tight embrace while his mellow laughter filled the air. "Then, I'll accept that; accept him. However, I'll haul him over the coals anyway — I'm sure Dima can handle it."

"You're horrible, dad," Ichiro stated, hugging his father fondly.

"M-hm; I love you too."

Quietly holding one another, they enjoyed each other's company in peaceful silence until Richard gently pushed him back to face him.

"What do you think, do we stop for today? That was exhausting for both of us, I assume, and I still have a lot to unpack. Sorry in advance for bombarding you with more questions the upcoming days." 

When his son nodded in response, he pulled him against his chest once more. "I appreciate that you chose to tell me all that, Ichi. Thank you. I'm so, so proud of you; always was, but now even more. You are so incredibly strong, and even though life gave you nothing but obstacles, you've never lost your kindness and courage, and that is very impressive. In many regards, you are someone to look up to — I'm so thankful for you, little one." He pressed a kiss to Ichiro's hair, squeezed him anew and took a step back. "I better dispose of the ice cream now," he said and grimaced while glancing over to the nightstand. "How about a movie night soon? With actually frozen ice cream, popcorn and whatever you want to watch. What about those Ghibli movies you wanted to show me?"

Ichiro smiled bashfully and rubbed the tip of his nose. "Sounds good to me; I'd love that."

"Then, that's settled." Pawing Ichiro's head with his warm hand, he smiled fondly at him. "You're already such a great guy; you'll probably be awfully perfect when all your problems are solved."

"Shut uuup," Ichiro whined and pushed his arm away, grimacing.

Richard burst into laughter while walking over to the door. He grabbed the ice cream container and turned to his son again. "Even if you think it's only a minor issue and not worth bothering me with, do it anyway. Whenever you feel the need to talk, reach out to me, alright?"

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=richardwgao3jvjob.jpg)

"Yeah..." Ichiro tipped his head to the side, a crooked smile on his lips. "Thank you, dad. I love you."

Now it was Richard who blushed. Clearing his throat, he nodded in gratitude, waved briefly and quietly left the room.

Ichiro turned back to the window and inhaled deeply, filled his lungs with as much air as possible and exhaled until his ribcage ached in pain. Their conversation was unpleasant and embarrassing for many reasons; stirred lots of chaos in his mind. However, he was relieved that now his father was in the picture as well, along with Darius and Dmitrij, whom he had told everything at New Year's Day. At first, Ichiro was reluctant about it, but sharing his burdens lifted lots of weight off his chest. It relieved him of tension and dispersed the fog in his mind, which allowed him to see many things much more clearly than before. Ichiro knew he still had a long way to go, but he wasn't afraid anymore because he didn't have to walk alone.

Sighing, he rubbed his eyes, shuffled back to his bed and slumped down. His phone laid on eye-level, right next to him, and he heard the tiny voice in the back of his head once more — this time, he chose to not ignore it.

Determined, he reached for the device, opened the messenger app and tapped on a particular chat.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=1612813367759ao3etjzj.jpg)

Squinting, Ichiro grimaced, firmly pressing his lips together before he exhaled audibly. "Why the hell are you so freaking annoying?!" he snarled at his phone and chucked it onto the mattress, just to immediately reach for it again. "I can't stand you," he whispered while saving Dmitrij's picture.


	34. Confessions — Part One

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=1613788526180h5kfm.jpg)

✵✵✵

“Christ, why the fuck did I have to cut my damn hair? Why not a finger instead? I have ten of them, bloody hell!” Ichiro cursed as he stood in front of his mirror, tucking the unruly black strands behind his ears for the umpteenth time.  
“Hey, it’s not like you did it because you wanted to, right? Let’s be thankful that you’ve done nothing worse.” While Rayne started chewing on her lip to distract herself from thinking about what could have happened to Ichi, her brother fell victim to another outburst of emotions.  
“It’s annoying as hell! Today is a bad hair day — I wear ponytails on bad hair days, for fuck’s sake! But hey, that’s not working anymore because _Wacko Ichi_ thought it would be a great idea to turn himself into a fucking clown!” He exhaled and shifted his gaze to his sister, his expression deadpan. “I hate it here.”  
Rayne burst into laughter and pulled him into an embrace. “You don’t look like a clown, but seeing you throwing a fit over a minor inconvenience is funny and adorable. You’re like an angry kitten.”  
“Fuck you; I’m having a crisis. And I’ll remind you of the ‘minor inconvenience’ thing when you’re about to burst into tears over having nothing to wear while staring at your five-million dresses,” Ichiro snapped at her.  
“Haha, I love you too, nii-san. Anyway, your hair will grow back, you know? And you said yourself, Dima saw you in your most miserable state, so I’m sure he doesn’t give a damn about it. It’s pretty cute to see you so flustered and excited over a date.” She grinned while taking a sidestep, preventing to get her nose flicked again.   
Rayne’s green eyes glinted with mischief as she tucked her brown locks behind her ears. She was adorable, and it always warmed Ichiro’s heart when she engaged in banter, but that didn’t mean he would let her win. “Tch, I’m neither nervous nor excited, and I told you, twice already, that it’s not a date,” he declared in a matter-of-fact tone.   
Alas, his pink cheeks made it impossible to deceive his sister since Rayne only laughed while arching a brow in return. “Wow, you’re such a poor liar,” she said, a smug grin on her lips as Ichiro glared at her, his blush deepening.  
The doorbell’s sudden ring startled Rayne and caused both siblings to frown while they turned their heads to the door.   
“Oh, no, no, no, no, no — he’s too early!”  
Ichiro reached for the light sweater on his desk chair’s backrest, put it on in haste, and dived into his sheets. He cursed under his breath while digging around, searching for the hair gel tube that he before had thrown onto the bed. “I’m not ready yet, fuck!”  
“What’s the big deal? You said he wanted to talk to dad before anyway, so you have a few more minutes.”  
“That’s not enough,” Ichiro stated while darting back to the mirror and putting the styling gel into his hair. “This nightmare on my head eats up my time, and I haven’t even started with my face yet!”  
Rayne let out an exasperated sigh, grabbed her brother’s shoulders and forced him to face her. “Gosh, you can be such a pain in the ass, Ichi. Stop whining, okay? You’re prettier than I am while putting no effort into it. If I hear another word of your face not being perfect, I’ll grab a Sharpie, draw a penis onto your forehead, and kick you out the door, capiche?”  
Before Ichiro could fire his sassy remark at her, the doorbell rang anew.  
“Man... Where’s dad? Outside?” Rayne asked while crossing the room. “I’ll open the door and then search for him, so he and Dima can talk. Take those extra minutes to fix your perfect face.” She stuck out her tongue, smiled and turned to leave the room.  
Ichiro responded by making a silly face and grinned, his heart full of love for his little sister. They were getting along well for a while already, but had grown much closer. After the intense talk he had with Richard, Ichiro thought it would be best to clear things up with the rest of his family as well. Foremost, because he didn’t want to continue hiding his life and what he struggles with from them.   
With his father’s moral support, he mustered up the courage to tell his story once more. At first, Claire reacted confused over the polyamory and everything that involved Dmitrij and Darius, but quickly came to terms with it. She liked both men a lot, and everyone knew already that Dima was dear to her heart. In the end, all that mattered to her was Ichiro being happy. Aside from the affairs of the heart, everything else had shocked her and made her cry the entire time. On the other hand, it was almost eerie how composed his sister was.   
Rayne had asked many questions for better understanding but showed no sign of pity. In return, Ichiro’s respect for her grew, as he hated getting pitied. The way his sister reacted was what he wished everyone would do when they heard about the chaotic and devastating parts of his life. Marlon and Dmitrij also had stayed calm and discussed the topic logically with him, which had made it easy, almost pleasant, to tell them everything.   
“That reminds me of something...” Ichiro muttered, grabbed his phone and typed a quick message.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=screenshot_20210215_1ofj0q.jpg)

“Fucking hell, that’s all Rayne’s fault,” he hissed through his teeth, chucked the phone onto his bed and continued styling his hair.  
That he felt excited to see Dmitrij again irked Ichiro, as it was just another indicator that emphasised how much he had missed him. The entire week, he thought about him, made him every so often topic of his and Darius’ conversations, and they even listened to Dmitrij’s radio interview. Darius came up with the idea to ask Amy for a copy of the digital recording, and Ichiro followed suit.   
It surprised them to hear about Dmitrij’s asexuality; and that the night in Tokyo had been his only experience ever shocked Ichiro. That made everything that had happened so much more complicated because he thought it must have harmed Dima as well. He wanted to talk about it today, but first, he had to unload lots of other things on his therapy session.  
The gentle knock on his door startled Ichiro, and his gaze darted from his reflection over to the entrance instead.   
“Hi, um—am I interrupting?” someone asked in a gentle tone through the white-lacquered door, causing Ichiro to knit his brows in irritation. “What the hell are _you_ doing here? Come in.” He tried to sound indifferent but couldn’t conceal the annoyance in his voice.  
Disgruntled, his gaze followed the opening door and his frown changed into sheer surprise rather quick as Marcus peeked through the gap. His neighbour looked so feminine that Ichiro almost didn’t recognise him at first glance. A creme-coloured pork pie hat adorned his brown locks, and subtle, well-applied makeup highlighted his eyes and pretty features. Even his clothing style was a 180-degree turn to how he usually dressed, as he wore a light-beige silk blouse with a matching shawl, and a chequered skirt in various shades of brown. Both emphasised his already soft-looking silhouette even more.   
After the Christmas party, Rayne had wondered why Marcus’ features had softened and looked more feminine than back at school and mentioned that he had changed radically in the past five months.   
Seeing Marcus styled like this now gave Ichiro a hunch about the bigger picture, but it wasn’t his place to say anything. He assumed it would make his neighbour feel good to hear positive words regarding his change. And even though he couldn’t help but still feeling pissed about the whole Gabriel thing, he could acknowledge that Marcus looked fantastic.  
“I’ve barely recognised you; that style suits you well, Keller. How comes that you’re visiting your parents during the week?”  
Marcus grimaced and shook his head. “I’m not visiting them but came here straight from university to talk to you. My parents are at work. I wouldn’t risk popping up dressed like this,” he gestured up and down his body, “if they were around. Oh, and thanks for the compliment,” he said while a timid smile adorned his features. “I prefer to be—uh, me. Anyway, I—um... I wanted to—Well, I have a good reason to be here.”  
Clenching his jaw, Ichiro beckoned his neighbour inside and pointed at his desk chair. “Mhm, I figured. Sit down, and make it quick, please; I’m waiting for someone.”  
“Thank you.” Marcus shot him a quick glance before he sat down, discomfort written all over his face as he fixed his gaze at the white, chalk-painted wardrobe. He started fiddling at his messenger bag’s shoulder strap and heaved a quick breath. “Would you hear me out for a minute?”  
“Sure, go ahead, but have the guts to face me, at least, you coward,” Ichiro snarled, already surmising the reason for Marcus’ sudden visit. Scowling, he waited for his neighbour to address the topic.  
“I’m here because I wanted to apologise,” Marcus stated in a small voice while his indifferent expression turned into a slight frown.  
Ichiro huffed a short laugh. “Of course, _you_ want to apologise; are you sure it wasn’t Gabriel who told you to do so?” His tone was mocking and his lips curled up into a sardonic smile. “What is it, pretty pal? Have you lost your haughty and impertinent attitude on your way here?”  
Marcus refrained from saying anything, which caused Ichiro to sigh in exasperation. “Alright, listen here, you little brat; I’m not in the mood to play around, so tell me what you want and leave. And you better say nothing that will make it worse between us, or I’ll lose my shit; I’m serious.” His teeth clenched, Ichiro kept watching him through narrowed eyes until Marcus felt so uncomfortable that he started shifting his position several times to flee his terrifying gaze.   
“It’s difficult for me being here, and your demeanour is—It’s pretty intimidating,” he whispered, averting his gaze again and again.  
Tipping his head to the side, Ichiro offered him a smug grin. “Well, that’s part of my personality and what people have to deal with who aren’t worthy of my courtesy anymore. You’re a smart person; you understand why I’m treating you this way, right?” he asked rhetorically, winking at him while leaning against his drawer.   
The heavy silence that lingered in the room made Marcus grow more and more uncomfortable, whereas Ichiro enjoyed the situation, as it filled him with satisfaction. His neighbour had overstepped boundaries, and Ichiro wanted to put him into place — Marcus should know that he barked up the wrong tree.  
Ichiro crossed his legs, shoved his hands into his pockets and tipped back his head a little. “Since we’ve cleared that up; for what exact reason do you want to apologise? For already having made a move on Gabriel, not giving a shit that we still were a thing? In my house, at a party, my family invited you to? The audacity, mate...” he huffed a laugh, “That’s super low, you know that? Oh, or do you intend to apologise for your slut move as you forced a blowjob onto Gabriel at his housewarming party?” Ichiro watched him biding, the smug smile still lingering on his lips. “I’m all ears, dear.”  
Marcus swallowed and shifted in his seat once more. He heaved a quick breath and cleared his throat, still struggling to keep eye-contact with Ichiro.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=marcustwitter92jx8.jpg)

  
“Listen, what I did at your Christmas party was wrong; I know that. That day, I was angry because I had trouble with my parents and,” he cleared his throat anew and let out an audible breath, “I was jealous of you, okay? Since I saw you hanging out with Gabe for the first time.” Marcus sighed and rubbed his forehead.  
“I’ve had a crush on him for quite a while already, you know? Back in school, he was like a superstar or something. Every girl wanted to date him, but Gabe didn’t care. Rayne once joked about that he could be gay, and—I know, this must sound weird to you, but—that was enough to get my hopes up because it kinda doubled my chances.” Rapid blinking followed his sharp inhale while his cheeks turned red. “Anyway, I thought he might notice me when I—when I change. But then, _you_ had to come along, and, all of a sudden, he’s gay for real, and—” Clenching his teeth, he gave Ichiro a brief but bitter look.  
“Whatever. That evening, my mind was all over the place because Gabe noticed me. He showed interest, and I was _so_ excited about it I went overboard. I know that was wrong, and I want to apologise for it of my volition.” Chewing his lip, he stared at the picture frames on top of the drawer, waiting for a reaction.  
“Okay.” Ichiro walked over to his bed and sat down. “I can understand that to a degree and accept your apology, but the New Year’s party didn’t go well either, right?”  
Marcus shrugged his shoulders and shifted his indifferent gaze to Ichiro. “I won’t apologise for the blowjob, although Gabe wants me to. First, it was a date. As Gabe invited me to come, I asked if we considered it a date, and he affirmed it. Second, many people do stuff like that at parties. I don’t say it’s okay, but I also don’t see why my giving him head is worse than what other people do. We were in his room; I closed the door. We thought we were alone. Which leads me to number three; no one could’ve known that you were outside, watching us from the balcony. I didn’t even know that its surrounding their apartment. If I _had_ known beforehand, I never would have done that.”  
He wetted his lips while crossing his legs, his gaze confident as he looked at Ichiro. “Call me a slut or whatever, I don’t care, but giving a guy head, knowing that his ex sees it is even beneath _my_ dignity. I’m sorry that you had to see it, but I won’t apologise for giving Gabriel head. Do I regret that I’ve done it on a whim? Yes; I should’ve waited for a better opportunity, but that’s it. That’s how I feel about it.”   
Marcus started gnawing his lip again while a fierce blush tinted the skin on his chiselled cheekbones in a deep red, making his many freckles almost invisible. The look in his eyes showed he expected a harsh reaction to what he just said. Yet, Ichiro didn’t intend to behave as predicted because he knew it took Marcus courage to go against Gabriel’s wish since he had feelings for him. He respected him for this decision. “Why did he want you to apologise?”  
“He said, you’d deserve one. And because he wouldn’t date me otherwise, although he also said that I’ll never be more than a fling anyway because of _you_.” Realising that he had coated his last words in venom, Marcus averted his gaze, as he knew Ichiro would see nothing but bitterness in his eyes.  
Nodding in understanding, Ichiro got up from the bed again. “And you will date him, anyway?”  
“Yes.”  
Ichiro sighed. “I’m almost sure that’ll backlash, but you know what? I don’t give a damn. You’re old enough, and I’m not interested in guiding you through your love life,” he sneered, and shrugged his shoulders in a languid motion before crossing his arms.  
Another ring of the doorbell made his gaze flick to his door; this time, he was positive it was Dmitrij. Clicking his tongue, he locked eyes with his neighbour once more. “Tell Gabriel I’ve accepted your apology. I mean, it’s not like you’re sorry about New Year’s, but you’re showing remorse, and I appreciate your courage. However, I’m not doing this for your sake, but for Gabriel’s.”   
He walked over to Marcus, propped his hands onto his thighs and leaned down until their noses were almost touching. “If you hurt him, I’ll snap you in half,” he whispered with a smile on his lips.   
Marcus’ pupils dilated as his breath hitched in response. Ichiro started giving him the creeps, and he wanted nothing but going back to his dorm again. Leaning back to get out of the threatening aura that St. James emanated, Marcus shook his head. “I won’t, I promise.”  
“Never promise things you’re not confident to fulfil, dear.”  
A smug grin spread about Ichiro’s face. It delighted him to see how his behaviour affected Marcus and leaned back up while giving him a condescending look. “I don’t care about what you two will become in the future because I only want Gabriel to be happy. And if you’re the one who’s getting in the way, I’ll be the one who’s putting you out of the said way; have I made myself clear? And now, scram; I’m tired of this conversation.”  
Closing his eyes, Ichiro turned away, massaging his temples, but addressed Marcus once more when he heard him opening the door. “Wait, Keller.”  
“Hm?”  
Ichiro walked over to his desk and jotted down his phone number. “If you need someone to talk about,” he clicked his tongue, “difficult topics—” while handing him the note, they locked eyes once more. “Just send a message or come over or whatever.”  
Marcus frowned while he shoved the piece of paper into his satchel. The hint of a smile played about his lips. “You’re weird, Ichiro.”  
“Yeah, likewise,” Ichiro huffed. “Get lost now.”

Richard paused mid-sentence, distracted by the sudden footsteps on the staircase. He and Dmitrij turned their heads as Marcus Keller just came downstairs — a grimace of pure terror unfolded on his features as he noticed the men.  
“Fuck, I thought only Rayne and Ichiro were home,” he whispered more to himself than anyone else while freezing in his movement. Marcus’ eyes darted from Richard to Dmitrij and over to the door. “Sorry, gotta go.” He stormed out of the house but spun on his heels again to address Richard. “Please, _please_ , say nothing to my parents about, uh, this.” He looked at his clothes and back at Richard, who nodded, befuddled in response. Markus blushed while dropping a curtsey. “Thanks. I’ll explain everything at the right time.”  
Dmitrij frowned as he reached for the handle to push the door shut after Marcus hastily left without caring about it. He shifted his gaze back to St. James senior, gestured him in a subtle motion to continue, but Richard still stared at the spot where Marcus had been standing. “I didn’t know that he’s just as eccentric as Ichi.” He huffed a small laugh, arched a brow and glanced back at Dmitrij. “Anyway, what I wanted to ask, Dima, have you paid my son’s clinic expenses?”  
Richard watched how Dmitrij’s gaze dropped to the ground while his lips twitched into a slight smirk.  
As he locked eyes with him again, his subtle nod shifted into a bow of his head. “My apologies. I am aware that I had no right to do that. Alas, situational, it was the only way to guarantee that they would take care of Ichiro in the most beneficial manner.”  
“I know,” Richard grumbled while glaring at him. “I understand that everything else would’ve been invasive and patronising — it’s unfortunate that knowing it doesn’t make it easier for me. Can you imagine how it feels from a father’s point of view? No, of course, you can’t, but I’ll tell you; it’s infuriating and leaves a bitter aftertaste. Anyway, thanks for doing it.” Richard extended his hand, but Dmitrij refrained from taking it and shook his head instead.   
“There is no need to thank me, as my reasoning was selfish. It might have been of significant help to Ichiro’s recovery, yet it foremost eased my guilty conscience, which was of greater interest to me, back then.”  
Moroseness flitted across Richard’s features as he watched Dmitrij with pursed lips, his brow furrowed. He pulled back his hand and slung his arms over his chest instead. “You’re not flattering yourself, you know?”  
“I do not intend to present myself in a way that is at odds with the truth. And the truth is not always flattering, Richard,” Dmitrij countered with a placid expression while adjusting the hem of his cuffed sleeve. “Be that as it may, I am quite certain your next question aims towards numbers, so I might as well use this moment to let you know I will refuse any form of compensation. This might wound your pride, but let me be candid; I do not care, as we should not forget that this is not about us. Ichiro is alive, and that is all that matters.”  
Richard clenched his teeth in response, closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath to calm down. That man’s arrogance and confidence seemed to be perpetual, and that made his blood boil. It was nothing new, as it just was the Russian’s nature, and Richard always preferred people like Dmitrij over toadies that bowed and scraped. Regarding this matter, however, it annoyed him and left him vexed.   
He swallowed the snarky remark that lingered on his tongue, ready to get fired up to ignite the sparks that were already flying between them. Ichiro would throw a fit when Richard would lash out on Dmitrij, which is why Richard tried to stay on topic without falling victim to his brooding rage. “What _are_ your intentions then, Dima?” he asked, trying to sound as neutral as possible. The Russian tilted his head, his expression still indifferent as he watched Richard for a moment.   
“I want nothing but easing his life. Ichiro’s wellbeing is my highest priority.”  
The immediate, derisive snort that escaped Richard showed he couldn’t keep his temper at bay. Clearing his throat, he arched a brow, already knowing that he wasn’t able to say anything that wouldn’t be derogative. “You’re such a snob, mate. _My_ son is _your_ highest priority, hm? And what do you want from him in return, Dima? Sex? If you dare to hurt him, I assure you I’ll—”  
“I beg your pardon? Sexual intercourse as payment for supporting him? Are you out of your mind, insulting me like that?” Dmitrij cut him off in a low but sharp tone. For a split second, anger flitted across his features as he knit his brows in irritation — Richard had crossed a line.  
“I want _nothing_ in return, as I do not have any ulterior motives, Richard. I treat your son with nothing but dignity and respect. And although your hostility is a rather primitive way of dealing with a matter that foremost concerns Ichiro, I will accept it for his sake. But you would be wise to not provoke me by ridiculing the admiration and loyalty I hold for him, as it is nothing but genuine.”  
Dmitrij closed his eyes and heaved a deep breath to gather his thoughts. “That he wants to spend time with me is already more than I have ever expected, and I am thankful for this development. Whatever he will give me, I gladly take. I honour his boundaries and how he wants to proceed in this relationship. Neither do I intend to force him to do anything nor hurting him. Should Ichiro choose to ban me from his life, I will disappear, but that is his decision to make, not yours.” Dmitrij’s gaze was intense as he narrowed his keen eyes. “I would imagine this suffices to make you take the point.”  
Richard nodded, albeit begrudgingly, while reminding himself of Ichiro’s words. He had sworn high to heaven that the Russian’s actions all were well-intentioned. It wasn’t fair to play down the noble deeds Dmitrij had done unbeknownst to Richard. For Ichiro’s sake and to improve his mental health, he had to keep getting along with Dmitrij.   
He had always considered him a bit on the odd side, but liked Dmitrij from the start, as he was reliable and even went out of his way when Claire asked for last-minute changes or favours. Their conversations also always had been pleasant — from a personal point of view, Richard had no reason to dislike him. And since he had always acted in Ichiro’s interest, there also was no reason to condemn him for that.   
Richard clicked his tongue, realising that his sudden resentment rooted in nothing but jealousy. Dmitrij was the one who was there for Ichiro when he was most vulnerable and reached a point in his life where it became too much of a burden to take another breath. Twice.   
A stranger had become Ichiro’s confidant, his guardian angel, whereas his own father had been oblivious to his severe issues. His failure was hard to stomach for Richard, and Dmitrij’s mere presence would always remind him of it; rosy prospects. He flexed his fingers and heaved a sigh while thinking of a way to draw the conversation away from Ichiro, as it was tiring to get his incompetence rubbed in. “That’s all very well, but shouldn’t your family be your priority?”  
The shaking of Dmitrij’s head was so subtle that Richard would have missed it if he had blinked.  
Aside from the usual faint smirk that always played about his lips, Dmitrij’s sharp features showed no sign of emotions. Except for the subtle change in his piercing gaze. A brief flicker of sadness got replaced by determination, and something else, but Richard couldn’t pinpoint it. This peculiar gleam seemed out of place in these enigmatic amber eyes, softened Dmitrij’s poker face, and made him look so much more human.   
The Russian blinked at him while his lips curled into a genuine, affectionate smile as he turned to the staircase where Ichiro came to sight. “Your son _is_ my family,” Dmitrij muttered, his heart skipping a beat as the one who caused it reciprocated his smile.  
“Oh, you haven’t killed each other, that’s great, thanks,” Ichiro quipped, his eyes still locked with Dmitrij’s.  
Richard ignored his son’s remark, still amazed by the abrupt change in Dmitrij’s demeanour.  
He had noticed quite early that his way of interacting with Ichiro differed from how he acted towards the rest of the family. Nine times out of ten, they did nothing but tease each other in quite eloquent verbal exchanges; it was almost admirable how much passion and perseverance both men mustered up for it. But no matter how snarky they treated each other, a subtle glimmer of endearment enveloped them like a gentle breeze and connected them with delicate strings, albeit unbeknownst to Ichi and Dima, it seemed. At least until now. The glimmer had changed into a palpable and plain display of mutual affection; it made watching them feel intrusive, and Richard grew uncomfortable in their presence.  
He cleared his throat and was about to turn to the kitchen as Dmitrij addressed him once more. “Concerning my family and my shift in priorities, you might want to ask your wife. I talked to her on the phone before and explained why I had to travel to Russia. Have a good day, Richard.”  
Ichiro heaved a sharp breath, opened the door in a quick motion, and ushered Dmitrij outside before his father could start asking questions. “See you later, dad — or tomorrow,” he whispered the last words and grinned, eliciting a frown from Richard.  
“Uh-huh, yeah. Have fun, I guess.”

✵✵✵

The engine’s soft hum was the only sound that filled the Bentley as Dmitrij navigated the car through Melbourne’s inner suburbs. Neither he nor Ichiro had said much, aside from discussing the talk with Richard and what kind of takeout food Dmitrij should get while Ichiro attended his therapy session. Though it was enough to make him notice that Ichiro’s behaviour differed from usual.   
Ichiro always was prone to swear and loved using rather vulgar vocabulary around Dmitrij to tease him, knowing that he disliked gutter language. Today, however, it felt different, as his crude parlance was even worse, and his entire demeanour off. Dmitrij refrained from asking about it since he didn’t want to put him on the spot. And the ten-minutes’ ride to South Yarra wouldn’t be enough to discuss a matter that could be important.   
He couldn’t help but think Ichiro wanted to say something, as he looked restless and often glanced at him while kneading his fingers. The ghost of a smile played about Dmitrij’s lips as he pretended to not notice the sneaking looks, which seemed to aggravate Ichiro.  
When he parked the Bentley in front of his therapist’s practice, the light yet impatient tug at his sleeve proved his assumption right. Turning sideways, he put on an indifferent expression and met Ichiro’s gaze. He pouted and looked so adorable that Dmitrij had trouble to suppress another smile. “Hm? What is it?”  
“I—uh,” Ichiro cleared his throat while a faint blush started tinting his cheeks. “I wanted to say that you look good today. Your outfit is amazing, and I love the elaborate knot on your tie.” He averted his gaze and rubbed his neck, making Dmitrij smirk in response.  
“That took you a lot of effort, I take it?”  
“Yes. Don’t you dare to make fun of me now,” Ichiro countered in a soft voice, reached for the bag in the footwell and placed it in his lap, fiddling around at its cover’s hem.   
He gazed out the window and watched the rather slow-moving holey layer of clouds producing bundles of sunlight now and then, while almost not catching that Dmitrij thanked him. Huffing a small laugh at the realisation that today’s erratic weather mirrored his current state of mind, Ichiro turned back to him and bowed his head. “Sorry for behaving weird; I didn’t mean to appear bitchy. It’s my hypomania’s fault. The medication makes dealing with it a lot easier, but I’m still struggling. Well, and thanks to Marcus, it just turned worse. Fuck, I’ve treated him pretty bad. Anyhow, I’ll talk with Mr Nguyen about it; I’m sure he’ll have helpful advice.”  
Dmitrij gave him a curt nod in response, followed by a subtle tilt of his head. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you? We will spend a quiet day at my place, which might be counterproductive to your increased energy level if I am not mistaken?”  
Ichiro shrugged his shoulders and started rummaging through his belongings. “Well, yeah, no; I don’t know. Video games could help, but you don’t even have a TV, so—whatever.” He shrugged his shoulders once more and fished a small object from his bag. “Anyway, we still have a few minutes left, so I’ll use them for something important to me.”  
Accompanied by a small sigh, he thrust the burgundy velvet box towards Dmitrij while a part of him regretted it at once.   
“It’s a coincidence that it matches your suit. Whatever, this is for you; it’s a thank-you gift for New Year’s.”  
Ichiro was nervous, and since he couldn’t bring himself to look at him, he fixed his gaze at the steering wheel’s dark-blue suede cover instead. “I was looking for something special, and couldn’t help but think of you when I spotted it because it—I don’t know; it’s like it’s made for you, so I hope you like it.”  
A faint crease formed between Dmitrij’s brows, but he refrained from protesting, as he knew it would cause an argument. Ichiro was a stubborn and proud man, but most of all, he was kind; refusing to accept his gift would not only offend but also hurt him. Although his stance still was that he didn’t deserve any of this, Dmitrij wasn’t keen on making the day harder for him as it already was. He accepted the present with a smile and cupped Ichiro’s hand in a gentle grip as he addressed him. “Thank you. Do you want me to open it, or shall I wait until you are back from your appointment?”  
Ichiro glanced at their hands before he puffed his cheeks and scowled at him. “What’s that for a dumb question? I’ve given it to you _now_ , haven’t I? So, you’ll also open it now. I’ll die during the session if you don’t, so hurry,” he stressed and glanced back at their hands, his cheeks as red as apples.  
With a smirk on his lips, Dmitrij started rubbing his thumb’s pad over the box’s velvety surface, as the movement also caused light strokes on Ichiro’s fingers. What he got in return was more than he had hoped for. Ichiro splayed out his little finger and pushed it past Dmitrij’s, linking their pinkies. He offered him a shy smile in a brief glance and continued staring at the steering wheel while giving the box a gentle push. “Could you go on now and open it, please?”  
Full of reluctance, Dmitrij let go of Ichiro’s hand, glanced down and lifted the box’s lid.  
His breath got caught in his throat at the sight of its content while a throbbing sensation settled down in his stomach. Dmitrij had trouble keeping his composure, as all the thoughts and emotions that streamed into his head started clogging his mind and kept him from forming coherent sentences.  
His eyes darted up and met Ichiro’s, who couldn’t conceal the anxiety in his gaze as he waited for a reaction. “What do you think? Do you like it?” His nervousness and impatience showed in him scooting in his seat while a timid smile spread about his features, and Dmitrij wondered if this beautiful young man in front of him was aware of the double snake ring’s meaning.  
“Mr St. Ja—Ichiro, this is the ring that was displayed in Marek’s shop if I remember right. I saw the price label and can only wonder why you would spend such an outrageous amount of money for someone like me.”  
Ichiro knit his brows in mild irritation and tilted his head a little. “I only paid half of it, and I’m positive that spending that much money on a gift for someone who saved my life is an apt way to show my gratitude.”  
Dmitrij bit the inside of his cheek in response to keep himself from disagreeing and nodded in understanding instead.  
He slowly realised that, along with the money, Ichiro had put lots of thought and effort into picking this antique piece of jewellery, and that warmed his heart. He bought something substantial, and Dmitrij caught himself hoping this act of kindness had a more profound meaning. “This is such a thoughtful and exquisite present; you have my utmost thanks, Ichiro.” He pulled the ring with a gentle tug out of the foam bedding, held it up against the light and eyed it from all angles. “The craftsmanship is splendid; magnificent work.”  
“I’m not sure if it’ll fit, but Marek said a jeweller could widen it.”  
Dmitrij’s brows shot up in surprise while he turned to Ichiro. “You want me to wear it?”  
The expression, Ichiro offered him in return, was a wild mixture of disbelief, confusion and exasperation.  
“What the—Huh? Are you kidding me? Why else would I give you a ring, eh? What have you thought of doing with it? Displaying it next to your designer wristwatches? Jesus Christ, you’re unbelievable; just as dense as Gabriel sometimes.”  
He snatched the ring in a brisk gesture and grabbed Dmitrij’s left hand. The Victorian-era antique neither fit the index- or middle finger but smoothly went down to the ring finger’s base. “I knew it! I remembered that you have rather slender fingers despite having big hands and suspected the ring to fit at least one of your ring fingers.”  
Pleased, he looked up and locked eyes with Dmitrij, noticing that his pale cheeks wore a delicate shade of pink. He stiffened, realising the situation they were in, as he just had put a ring on Dmitrij’s finger and was sure he knew about their common representation as well.  
At first, Ichiro had tried to deny it; tried to deceive himself, but deep down, he knew what he wanted to convey by gifting this piece; why he had been so satisfied after hearing of the double snake ring’s symbolisation. And that’s why he had become so irritated over the thought Dmitrij could consider displaying instead of wearing it.  
But he also realised that he wasn’t ready to admit it should Dmitrij ask for his motives. Panic welled up in Ichiro, making him want to flee the situation. He cleared his throat, let go of the warm hand that felt so pleasant in his grip, and reached for his bag. “I’ll get going.”  
Neither did he look at Dmitrij, nor did he wait for a reaction, but got out of the car immediately to avoid a conversation. However, that didn’t stop Dmitrij from addressing him, anyway. “Say, do you know about its symbolism?”  
Ichiro cursed internally while shifting his gaze to him, and offered him a lopsided smile, knowing that his cheeks were dark-red by now. He closed the Bentley’s passenger door with a soft thud and hurried over to the white, roughcast building.  
And while Dmitrij started the engine, his gaze followed him, accompanied by the wild beating of his heart.

✵✵✵

As Ichiro slid back into the passenger seat, Dmitrij just had ended a phone call and offered him a crooked smile. Approaching each other was challenging, as the tacit approval over knowing the double snake’s meaning still lingered in the air.  
However, Ichiro found a quick way to break the awkward tension. “You’ve stored the pizza in the trunk because you fear the smell could seep into your leather seats and turn your car’s driver's cabin into a rolling fast food nightmare, huh? That won’t happen.”  
Dmitrij’s expression turned serious as he watched him. “And how do you know that? You can only be certain if you try it, and I will not risk ruining my car. Getting it deep-cleaned would be quite the hassle.”  
Ichiro huffed a laugh. “Or you could, you know,” he pointed at the rear-vision mirror, “put one of those air fresheners up there.”  
The look Dmitrij gave him in return as he started the engine was a silent _‘Are you fucking kidding me?’_ immediately throwing him into a laughing fit. It took him quite a moment to calm down again, and while gasping for air, he wiped tears from his cheeks. “You are such a weirdo, seriously. Jesus, my stomach.” Ichiro chuckled once more, chafing his belly while Dmitrij stopped in front of a café. He turned to Ichiro, a smile on his lips. “As long as it will make you laugh, I will gladly be a weirdo for you.”  
Ichiro blushed in response, jerked his head to the side and stared out the window as Dmitrij addressed him once more. “That man in front of the café is one of my clients. I will return his documents and be right back.”  
While Dmitrij walked over to his client, Ichiro’s gaze followed him. “Man, he looks so freaking good today, it’s insane,” he said to himself, pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the camera app.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dimachapter345nk92.jpg)

As he adjusted the focus, the strange man pointed at the antique ring, and Dmitrij’s indifferent expression broke into a toothy smile while his gaze shifted to Ichiro.  
“Fuck.”  
While one hand clasped his mouth in a flash, the other one mechanically clicked the release button before his phone slipped from his hands like a wet bar of soap. It must have looked like a scene of a slapstick comedy movie as Ichiro frantically tried to get a hold on it again before it hit the ground. He lurched forward as his fingertips accidentally pushed the falling device over to the passenger side, bumped his head at the steering wheel, cursed, and quickly got back up. “Jesus fucking Christ!” Ichiro knew his face was beet-red by now, but he was unsure if his embarrassing stunt had been noticeable from the outside since the Bentley had light-tinted windows.  
The phone back in his shaking hands, he heaved a few deep breaths, checked the camera roll and stared at the razor-sharp photography of Dmitrij. Ichiro’s heart skipped another beat as he zoomed into the picture.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=dimachapter34bust3ej1f.jpg)

This was the first time that he saw the Russian smiling like this. Not his smug, close-lipped signature smirk, but an actual genuine toothy smile. He looked so beautiful that Ichiro felt his cheeks blush again.  
Darius came to his mind; he opened their chat window and sent him the picture, as he needed someone to gush about it.

[ ](https://abload.de/image.php?img=screenshot34l9ji0.jpg)

“Do you often throw your cellphone around when you feel unseen?” Dmitrij asked in a teasing tone as he got back into the car.  
Ichiro glared at him while shoving the device into his bag. “Only when mannequins smile out of nowhere.” He felt his face already growing hot again as Dmitrij huffed a laugh and leaned closer. “So, you have observed me; interesting. You have also taken a picture of me, have you not?” He watched him with narrowed eyes, which made Ichiro nervous. “Don’t be smug about it. I took a pic because I like your outfit.”  
“And my smile, apparently,” Dmitrij added and grinned, slowly running his tongue about his teeth while decreasing the distance between them even more. “Do I make you nervous, Ichiro?” His tone was still teasing as his low and rich voice reverberated in Ichiro’s ears; his warm breath caressing his flushed cheeks, making them even more tingle.  
“What’s with that sudden cocky attitude? Stop grinding my gears.” Ichiro scowled and wanted to turn away, but the tip of Dmitrij’s index finger gently pushed against his jawline to make them face each other again. “Make me.”  
The Russian’s gaze was intense and challenging, caused Ichiro’s heart to hammer violently in his chest. It felt as if time stood still; as if a bubble was enveloping their car, drowning out the world and all its sounds.  
There was nothing but him and Dmitrij, absorbed in a sensual yet fragile moment, and Ichiro feared he could shatter it by making the wrong move. The car wasn’t the right place for what he had in mind, but who knew if he ever got another chance? And resisting the palpable sexual tension wasn’t easy.  
Dmitrij was sexy, in an intimidating way, and the desire to kiss him was all that filled Ichiro’s mind. He _could_ kiss him. If he would just lean forward, he could seal the man’s lips who already vexed him again. He _wanted_ to kiss him. Those silky lips felt good; he remembered their touch vividly. Ichiro glanced down at Dmitrij’s mouth while recalling their last encounter. The memory made the butterflies in his stomach stir into chaos.  
Ichiro inhaled deeply and looked up again, their gazes locking as he wetted his lips while tilting his head. “You’re getting on my nerves, Kasakow,” he whispered, internally cursing as he deliberately ruined the moment. He leaned back, smirked, and glanced out the window. “The pizza is getting cold.”  
Dmitrij’s rich laughter filled the driver’s cabin as he weaved the Bentley once more into Melbourne’s city traffic.  
  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Spice Talk!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400847) by [ScribesGrimoire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribesGrimoire/pseuds/ScribesGrimoire)
  * [Guiding Fingertips](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978381) by [Tranquil_Tevene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tranquil_Tevene/pseuds/Tranquil_Tevene)




End file.
